Inquiry-Based Learning in China

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					    Raising a Gifted Child:
Capturing “Parentable” Moments

                David Yun Dai

       State University of New York at Albany

A workshop at the Chinese University of Hong Kong

                  May 27, 2011
Activity 1: Get to Know Your Child

   Name three things you particularly
    like about your child (behaviors,
    performance, attitudes, personality,

   Name three things you don’t like
    about your child or you would like
    to see improved
Discussion: What might have eluded you…

   I now realize that my child may have
    the following characteristics that are
    potentially desirable and need to be
    encouraged and properly channeled
       Intellectual and academic:
       Social:
       Affect and personality:
    Activity 2: A Brief Survey:
    Do you do the following in your parenting?
   Demand straight As in school           Yes   No

   Expect your child to play a music instrument well
                                             Yes No
   Set up strict limits on TV time or video games
                                             Yes No
   Attempt to limit the amounts of time on social,
    athletic, or volunteer activities        Yes No

   Expect obedience                       Yes   No
Are you a “tiger mom” or “lion dad”?

Are you tough-minded or tender-minded with your

Does it work for you AND MORE IMPORTANTLY for
  your child?

Subjuct matters:
  Skilled performance (e.g., piano, billiads)
  Academic knowledge (math, science, literature)
  Entrepreneurship and business
  Creative writing, composition, and invention

Western and Eastern beliefs and value regarding
 the child
Discussion: The nature of schooling
   A competition game or growth process?

   Schooling, a competition frenzy?

   Do we produce “high achievers” who are
    preoccupied with “success” but have no “inner life”
    (deep interests and intellectual curiosity, concerns
    about life and existence or social justice)?

   A recent case of a Harvard post-doc back to China
     and end up in a mental hospital…The lack of
     social skills can be fatal
Activity 3: Write down three areas of
strengths of your child (talent & personality)
   Strength1
   Examples?

   Strength 2
   Examples?

   Strength 3
   Examples?
GROW out of Four forms of agency

    Expressive, intellectual, instrumental,
     and social agency
    Personal initiative

    Selective affinity,
    Maximal grip
    At the edge of chaos
Activity 4: Write one incident of your child
noticeably experiencing negative emotions

   Incident

   Academic or social?

   Mainly endogenous (from the child) or exogenous
    (from the environment)?

   How well did he or she cope?

   What did you do?
    Coping as a moment of growth:
   Building your child’s personal strengths and
    resilience as an important goal of parenting

   Setbacks and failures are important for growth

   Turning something negative to positive is a major
    coping skill (Steve Jobs)

   You can help…but don’t make it worse…
Activity 5: Write down three careers you
would like your child to pursue

   1
   2
   3

   Suppose you hope your son will go to medical
    school to become a doctor but he wants to an
    actor and he is actually quite active with a
    group of young performing artists in an
    experimental theater. Would you support him?
           Yes   No
    Discussion: Your value orientations

   Do they match what you identified earlier as
    your child’s strengths?

   Do they show more of what you prefer or
    what your child prefers?

   What kind of value orientations do your
    preferences and attitudes reveal?
        Security, prestige, wealth, happiness, contributions to the
         Sum Up: Cope and Grow as parentable
   What parents should do (IPHER)
       Identifying strengths and interests;
       Provide opportunities, support, and resources;
       Help your child cope with stress, negative events and emotions;
       Encourage personal initiatives that stretch their minds and
        enrich souls;
       Respect their need for autonomy and their academic and career

   What parents should not do
       Controlling and enmeshing parenting
       Focusing on “success” and utilitarian gains instead of personal growth
Questions and Comments?


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