SHHHH! (HE’S NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES...)
WEEK 5 EDITION | 1 APRIL 2009
The use of bodies
in medical study
CAMPUS NEWS MISCELLANY WACKTIVITIES
USYD’s United Reptilian Competitive
Front >05 Humanoids >10 Beard Growing >15
WEEK 5 EDITION | 1 April, 2009
> Dinuka Gunasekera predicts the downfall of Mac Bank > Justin Simon and Rose Khalilizadeh battle over
> Michael Krasovitsky on what could get you arrested Affirmative Action on Union Board
10 > Anna Leacock investigates the alien reptiles that rule
> Michael Krasovitsky on an unlikely alliance
> Alex Lee reports as Theatresports kicks off another season
> Danika Armytage finds out how to mess with genres
> Alex Lee investigates body donations
> David Mack tells you how to direct a shit SUDS play
> Will Atkinson investigates competitive beard growing
> George Downing brings you National Day of Action
> Anusha Rutnam looks at the fashion in feminism
> Mark Di Stefano thinks King St. Thai is killin’ it
> Sriram Srikumar from a city in the desert
> Bronwyn Cowell checks out the elite athletes
> Anthony Faisandier on the future of Australian
> Bronwyn Cowell thinks Earth Hour is lame
> Alison Lee helps you put together an awesome CV
EDITOR IN CHIEF Katherine Connolly
EDITORS Will Atkinson, Bronwyn “Chav” Cowell, Mark “Dessert” Di Stefano, George Downing, Giselle Kenny Michael Krasovitsky, Alex Lee, Paul Mackay, Sriram Srikumar
REPORTERS Danika Armytage, Vivienne Egan, Anthony Faisandier, Anna Leacock, David Mack, Anusha Rutnam, Jonno Seidler, Tim Whelan
CONTRIBUTERS Dinuka Gunasekera, Ronan Harrington, Rose Khalilizadeh, Alison Lee, Justin Simon, Eugene Julio Troutsmith
COVER Paul Mackay GRAPHIC DESIGNER George Downing COMIC Sertan Saral and Patrick Magee CROSSWORD Scott Huntington, PUZZLES Tom Clement, Paul Mackay
ADVERTISING Publications.email@example.com/PO Box 794, Broadway NSW
PRINTER Marrickville Print and Design, Unite E1, 46-62 Maddox Street, Alexandria, NSW 2015
DISCLAIMER Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney NSW 2006. The SRC’s operation costs, space
and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney. The editors of Honi Soit and the SRC acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. Honi Soit is
written, printed and distributed on Aboriginal land. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student publications: Mike Mackertich, Patrick Wall, Elly Howse and Samuel Moginie. All
expressions are published on the basis that they are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or
information contained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions.
A Jab At the spiritual heritage. The way a Muslim
woman dresses in Africa differs to I’d also like to thank Camilla on two
how a Muslim woman dresses in fronts. First off, you helped me decide
Hijab? Malaysia. There is leeway for cultural on a research area for an upcoming Choosing interesting features often
Raidah Shah Idil, Arts/Science expression. Problems arise when government paper. Second of all, involves picking issues that are
cultural practices contradict Islamic you’ve helped me pull my 14-year- controversial, provoking a number of
Dear Editor, values. For example: A woman old-Gossip-Girl-watching cousin back passionately held and irreconcilable
wearing a form-fitting dress and a from the precipice of…well becoming responses. Last week’s feature, Hijabi
As a Muslim woman, I am see-through headscarf isn’t in hijab. a dumbshit. I came home the night Haute Couture by Arab/Islamic
disappointed by the inaccuracies cited That’s apologetic fashion designed I read the article and expressed my Studies student Camilla Ibrahim
in the article Hijabi Haute Couture. to kowtow to the Western concept of enthusiasm to her. Her reply, “Um… was one such piece. We have heard
This article fails to give an accurate beauty. The essence of Islam is one like…what? Hijabideewha?”. After a criticism of the views expressed in the
representation of the hijab and why of whole-hearted surrender to God. little explanation, she (to her credit, article, at times unreasonable; calling
Muslim women wear it. While there Muslims don’t adjust Divine Law to very sincerely) told me that she it ‘defamatory’ and ‘islamophobic’ and
is a niche for the paradox of hijabi suit them. We adjust to suit Divine was happy that these haute couture at others thoughtful and intelligent;
haute coutre, the majority of Muslims Law. “We hear, and we obey.” (Quran fashions were available to Muslim Raidah’s letter on this page.
reject it. The Prophet Muhammed 2:285) So if the latest fashion trend is women, “…because I mean, it must
(peace be upon him) did not have any to wear form-fitting designer clothes get hot in summer right?”. Shudder. This edition we continue to grapple
concubines because it is against the and a see-through headscarf - arguing with tricky issues; Alex Lee has
teachings of Islam. After Revelation, that it is hijab as God intended is as spent weeks tracking down elusive
hijab was obligatory upon all Muslim
women, regardless of social status.
flimsy an excuse as the fabric itself.
Caucusing up a interviews with employees of the
USYD medicine department for her
Before God, all believers are equal. As a Muslim woman, I believe that
my hijab honours me as a woman. storm feature on the use of dead bodies in
teaching and research in the faculty.
For centuries, the criteria of modest There is sacredness in preserving my Tristan Winter, Science III
dress and behaviour Muslim women femininity from public consumption. We were committed in January to
as well as men has been extremely This cannot be appreciated from Dear Honi, bringing back a Campus News section
clear. In Chapter ‘The Light’, verse 31, a patronising or Western-centric in Honi; from an investigation into
God says: “And say to the believing stance. Happily, not all is lost. The While I adored non-student Tom incompetency at the Con to this week’s
women that they should lower their new wave of young Muslims who are Robertson’s searingly witty prose in story on a collaboration between
gaze and guard their modesty; that returning to their traditional roots your last issue (just joking), I wanted the Arab Students Society, Muslim
they should not display their beauty shows that through reconnecting to to raise a few issues about the main Students Society and Australian
and ornaments except what must a rich spiritual heritage, a deep sense assumption his piece rested on. That Union of Jewish Students there has
ordinarily appear therof; that they of worth and peace is found. A kind of is, that INDEPENDENT inevitably been plenty to keep us busy.
should draw their veils over their serenity that no amount of Prada can equals GOOD. Of course, in the normal
bosoms and not display their beauty buy. run of things in our everyday lives, If you like our articles, please send us
except to their husbands, their fathers, independence generally conjures up a letter and if you don’t, send us one
positive ideas of intellectual freedom too. Either way, we’re glad our work
their husbands’ fathers, their sons,
their husbands’ sons, their brothers… Another Side or ideological integrity. But a certain so far has people talking.
And O you Believers, turn you all Steph NotD’SouzaInCaseMyAuntyRe trend raises an important issue.
together towards Allah, that you may Katherine Connolly
attain Bliss.” Despite what liberal adsThis Economics Social Sciences II There is an uncomfortable
interpretations of scripture argue, commonality among recent
traditional scholars have agreed on Salut Honi, “independent” candidates. That is, memory returned. The words, ‘ohhh
the dress code for Muslim women: money. You yourself (“hype”), and shit’ were uttered many times as the
loose clothing which covers the Writing to say I loved, loved, loved even more so your predecessors “ink”, process unfolded. I hope you can find
body, except for the face and hands. Camilla Ibrahim’s feature, Hijabi are known to be almost exclusively it in yourself to forgive me because I
External beauty is hidden to allow for Haute Couture, in last week’s edition. graduates of the most expensive swear I’m not all bad. I could make
more professional and respectful day- It was one of those rare articles that private schools in Sydney (while you a mars bars slice. I’m pretty good
to-day interactions with the wider made you think – not because the possibly not *every* one of you, I think at it. I would use extra mars bars, just
community. Suggesting that we wear author had recently discovered the we can all agree that it’s far above the to show how bad i feel for treating you
it to attract men or incite envy is false. ‘Shift+F7’ function and left the reader university average). Doug Thompson, so callously. Anyway, I’m heading to
Immodest covering is a mistake on scratching their newly bamboozled Courtney Tight and Pat Bateman all Carslaw now. You should come by,
the part of the person, not the faith. noggin. It was just super interesting attended similar schools. Andrew but if I don’t see you, I’ll probably just
– Ibrahim unmasked a fascinating Coleman’s main election promise was leave another note explaining more.
There is no Muslim monolith. Culture industry that is clearly at the heart of to return his monetary stipend (how
and faith intertwine throughout so many women’s identities, the arch will he live!!! *cue parents*).
global Muslim communities – this nemesis of others’, and a stark contrast SEND LETTERS &
adds to the richness and beauty of our to my own. A real eye opener! “Factions” that are based around CONTRIBUTIONS TO
coherent policy positions give a
platform to people who don’t have firstname.lastname@example.org
a personal fortune at their disposal
by Mr. Nick Purtell. -- the ones who might not have come Only submissions with your
from as privileged a background as name, year and faculty
Mr. Purtell, editor of Honi Soit, and you. They have people to campaign for will be accepted.
candidate for election as a member of them based on their beliefs and policy,
the Union Board, responded to allega- not the connections they gained at
tions of abuse of editorial privileges by private school or their mad Sydney
With the final announcement of
the Union Board candidates for
saying, ‘the full colour centrespread
poster has absolutely nothing to do
Grammar-trained debating skillz. NOTICE OF
If you’re going to be self-righteous,
this year’s election on their way, with the Union elections. It’s just a co- perhaps first investigate your own GENERAL MEETING
From The Vault turned its glance incidence. I’m a man of honesty and in- privilege.
to one of the more colourful elec- tegrity. I believe wholeheartedly in an A student general meeting has been called
toral scandals of last century impartial media. In this case, of course,
for Wednesday 1st April 2009, 1pm, Main
– quite literally. Nick Purtell, a I am the impartial media.’ Quadrangle, Room N205. To discuss the
1995 Honi Editor, supported his Pat Stewart, Science III
campaign by using an edition’s Mr Purtell’s accusers were unavailable 1. The USYD SRC publicly condemns
colour pages to create a lift-out for comment. The most outspoken Israels attack on Gaza.
Dear Damana, 2. The USYD SRC publicly endorses and
technicolour campaign poster. accidentally, tragically hung himself
He surely goes down in elector- whilst putting out the laundry. partakes in the BDS movement.
I’m sorry for flooding your house. I 3. The USYD SRC call on Sydney
al history as creative, if nothing The editors of this newspaper con- University to endorse and partake in the
can’t really remember, but I think
else. Can any of our candidates demn and deplore any attempt to con- BDS Movement.
it happened somewhere between
rise to the challenge? trol the minds of our readers through 4. The USYD SRC endorses Palestine
resting my feet on the drinks bucket Solidarity Week.
propaganda. We shall seek such propa-
and sliding across the floor at great 5. The USYD SRC commits $1000
Union Candidate in Media Scandal ganda out and expunge it mercilessly, annually to fund Palestine Solidarity
speeds. Such insensitive treatment
‘I’m innocent’ says Purtell if we ever find it. Any of it. Anywhere. I Week, accessible by the Global Solidarity
of your property was quite rude and
tell you, we are really serious about this Officer.
I apologise profusely. Had it occurred 6. The USYD SRC immediately
By Nick Purtell one. It’s the principle of the matter.
to me that there isn’t supposed to be issues a press release about this
SYDNEY UNIVERSITY, Monday: The Vote 1 Nick Purtell for Union.
water on the ground, I may have done meeting and its decisions.
students of Sydney University were
shocked to hear accusations of rorting Published in Honi Soit, Edition 7, something about it, but sadly that Authorised by SRC President, 2009.
didn’t happen until a couple of days
and flagrant misuse of editorial powers 1995
afterwards, around the same that my
Honi’s Guide to... MacBank (and the coming
Dinuka Gunasekera sees a crumbling cookie
So where does the money property prices. (Oh, and having the After Defence Minister Joel
come from for this massive media constantly remind investors Fitzgibbon apologized for failing
investment? that you’re a millionaire’s factory to disclose the details of free
It borrows heavily, makes the doesn’t hurt either) trips he took to China, Defence
investments and then sells some of spokesman Senator David
the investments onto their satellite Thanks to the economic downturn, Johnston remained concerned
funds, examples of which include none of those factors now hold true. about the “exotic” defence
Macquarie Airports and Macquarie This is why it has lost some 80% of technologies China is developing.
Infrastructure Group. They then market capitalisation. There’s worse
charge the satellite funds steep There are rumours that the
to come. To date the Bank has been
management and performance fees. remarkably resilient. But remember, Defence Minister is actually Mao
it has a layer of insulation- the satellite Zedong in a Joel Fitzgibbon suit,
The toll-roads and airports generally funds. and has been plotting an Oriental
don’t produce enough of a positive takeover of the world! Spicy, like
cash flow. The satellite funds make The funds themselves are listed on the san choy bow.
most of their profits when the value market and have their own investors.
of the asset itself increases. They These investors are increasingly Al Qaeda leader, Fahad al Ruwaily
don’t sell the assets for a higher price; unhappy to go along with having their has returned to Saudi Arabia and
rather they aggressively revalue capital reserves being milked. Left surrendered. He told Saudi media,
them on their books. This practice, with divided shareholders, the funds “I see now that the holy mission to
known as asset price revaluation, is will be increasingly unable to find
disallowed in the USA. In turn, the launch jihad against the western
new investors and be forced to sell off
Down the toilet bowl satellites get money to pay dividends assets to meet cash flow obligations. world and install fundamentalist
to shareholders by borrowing against This is when the gap between the value Islamic rule was actually a bit evil,
To some, Macquarie Bank represents the “increased value” of their assets- a on the books and the real value will be like Mr Bush said! And the war on
Australian excellence in finance and practice analogous to paying off one made apparent. Recently, Macquarie terror, yikes, it’s going really well,
to some it reflects the ideal graduate mortgage by taking out another after Infrastructure Group put a toll-road terrorism is seriously doomed. I had
destination. To most, it represents just revaluing your house. in Britain, one of its biggest assets, up to throw in the towel on my head.”
one thing - a great investment. Well, for sale. It is expected to be sold at a
until recently anyway. With share The satellites allow the Bank to significant discount to what’s stated A full inquiry into the war in Iraq
prices collapsing from $97 in 2007 to outsource a lot of the risk associated on the books. will be opened after British troops
$16 today, is this the end of the gravy with the model. The satellites deliver complete their withdrawal in July.
train or just a temporary lull? a steady stream of income to the Bank Macquarie Bank, like Smiths, is the
and take on the risk of having inflated Britain’s Foreign Secretary, David
original and the best. They are (or
Thirteen years after raising $1.3 asset values. The satellites are a buffer were) so tasty that they inspired a Milliband, has stated, “We think
billion, it is managing $228 billion to protect against a downturn in the number of copycats in Australia. Most an inquiry would be a good, since
in infrastructure assets; airports in commercial property market. well known amongst these is Babcock it seems that maybe it wasn’t
Australia, toll roads in the US and & Brown. Others include Centro and an excellent idea, a bit daft, you
shopping centres in China. It is in the This is no new revelation - everyone Allco Finance. Notice anything? They know. Still, we’ve all got to keep
business of investing in infrastructure knows these risks. were all crunched into little pieces in our peckers up while our troops
projects. Investing aggressively. It the financial crisis. leg it and try not to pop their clogs,
bought a motorway in Chicago for So, what’s the problem? then we can put the kettle on and
a billion dollars more than the next The model counts on an interrelated talk the hind legs off a donkey
highest bid. series of conditions; banks willing ‘til it’s sorted.” This has been
to lend, investors willing to buy into
new satellite funds, and increasing received with some confusion by
the international community.
20-24. Earth Hour will be observed by
Alcohol Offence Consequences Australian politicians from both
Clearly, it’s important that we Blood alcohol concentration of 0.15 sides of the aisle, with many
understand the factors behind car or above
The Road Rules! crashes and road-related fatalities, Maximum court - imposed fine:
$3,300 (first offence), $5,500 (second
charming the SMH, saying they’d be
enjoying dinner by candlelight. The
however, in this Legislation
Michael Krasovitsky looks at how explained, we’re going to focus on the offence) Minister for Climate Change, Penny
driving might cost you other important, but often forgotten Maximum gaol term: 18 months Wong, will be sacked the following
aspect of road warnings: non-fatal (first), 2 years (second) day, since a successful Earth Hour
Minimum disqualification of licence: pretty much means, “mission
Mum, Dad, I’ve got a confession. consequences. 12 months (first), 2 years (second)
It’s been on my mind for a couple of Maximum disqualification of licence: accomplished” on the climate
years, and I’ve wanted to tell you, but, Speeding, drink driving and driving Unlimited change front.
well, it’s hard. Ok, well here it is. I, under the influence of drugs are the Immediate Licence Suspension
um. Ok. I didn’t actually study for my three offences that most affect young The Australian Classification
Ls. Or my Ps. Or that other Ps. Yep, people driving in NSW. Last year Blood alcohol concentration of 0.08 to Board’s Website was hacked
I’ve somehow managed to drive, take for example, 1074 young people in less than 0.15
Maximum court - imposed fine: into last week and the culprits
myself from point A to B, without any the 17-25 age group were “seriously
$2,200 (first offence), $3,300 (second replaced the introductory text of
real idea of anything. injured” in alcohol-related crashes in
NSW alone. While injury and death are offence) the Board’s home-page with this:
Maximum gaol term: 9 months (first), “This site contains information
And I know I’m not alone. clearly the most serious consequences 12 months (second)
The road is full of rules, fines, of drunk driving and speeding, many about the boards that have
Minimum disqualification of licence:
points and limits. As young drivers, other consequences are also evident. 6 months (first), 12 months (second) the right to CONTROL YOUR
it’s especially important that we Following are two tables detailing Maximum disqualification of licence: FREEDOMZ....We are part of
understand these rules, not because how many demerit points you’ll lose, Unlimited an ELABORATE DECEPTION
we’re necessarily worse drivers, but how much you’ll have to pay and, Immediate Licence Suspension from CHINA to CONTROL
because we’ve got less demerit points potentially, how long you’ll have to AND SHEEPIFY the NATION,
to lose on our licenses, we often don’t serve, if you’re caught speeding or Blood alcohol concentration of 0.05
to less than 0.08 OR Blood alcohol and therefore must be KILLED
have a spare $243 to give to the RTA driving under the influence. WITH LARGE MELONS during
concentration over zero for L, P1 and
and most importantly, an enormous P2 drivers the PROSECUTION PARTIES
percentage of young people lose their If injury won’t scare you off drink Maximum court - imposed fine:
driving or speeding, think about how IN SEPTEMBER. Come join our
lives on the road. $1,100 (first offence), $2,200 (second
many drinks you’ll be missing out on ALIEN SPACE PARTY.” We don’t
In 2006, 42% of deaths of men aged if you’re forced to pay one of these Maximum gaol term: No possibility of have to make any jokes about this
15-19 were on the road. For the same fines. incarceration. because it’s awesome on its own.
age group, 29% of young women lost Minimum disqualification of licence:
their lives on the road. These figures It’s the DUI convitions that really hurt; 3 months (first), 6 months (second)
here’s what you could be looking at: Maximum disqualification of licence:
fell only slightly to 36% and 25%
Unlimited for repeat offenders
respectively for young people aged
No Immediate Licence Suspension
Theatresports kicks off another Muslim, Arab and Jewish Students
season stand together to oppose S.A
Alex Lee sports the scars of lunch at the theatre. Michael Krasovitsky looks at an unlikely alliance
The reason being that we had some
players in the past who just wanted Leaders of the Sydney University Arab Students Society, Muslim Students
to get onto Manning and when they Society and Australiasian Union of Jewish Students have united this week
did, they just froze and didn’t know against a Socialist Alternative-driven motion condemning Israel’s “murderous
what to do. After that they never came war” on Palestine.
Andrew Coleman, executive member of the SRC, has described the original
“We are both encouraging people motion as “racist and problematic”. Though the Socialist Alternative has been
to be a bit more patient in terms of unable to garner support for the motion amongst SRC councillors, a Student
learning the games, being comfortable General Meeting has been called for April 1st, at which the faction hopes to
at the jams and making sure they will harness the votes of students.
come back to improve their skills.
The only way they are going to learn In order for a Student General Meeting to be successful, at least 200 students
is to regularly perform on stage.” says must express their support for the motion.
As Honi reported last week, a number of meetings have taken place between
Part of this new approach is getting
guest teachers in to host “jams”, the Notice of General Meeting of the Student Body
Theatresports workshops held in the
Holme Building every Wednesday A General Meeting of the Student Body will be held on Wednesday April
at 3pm. Featuring for the next three 1st 2009 at a venue on the Camperdown campus to discuss the motion
weeks will be Rebecca de Unamuno, a below:
world champion Theatresports player
and actor in such television programs Motion:
A sporting sandwich as Comedy Inc. Kath and Kim and the This General Meeting of the Student Body demands:
Chaser’s War on Everything. 1. The USYD SRC publicly condemns Israels [sic] attack on Gaza
Australia’s longest running improvised
comedy competition has seen a record 2. The USYD SRC publicly endorses and partakes in the BDS (Boycott,
Steen adds, “this is a big opportunity Disinvestment and Sanctions) movement.
number of new players stepping up to for anyone to learn more about
perform on Manning Stage in its first 3. The USYD SRC call [sic] on Sydney University to endorse and partake in
themselves as performers and more the BDS Movement.
weeks back in 2009. importantly, take their improv skills 4. The USYD SRC endorses Palestine Solidarity Week.
to a new level. I have no doubt Bec 5. The USYD SRC commits $1000 annually to fund Palestine Solidarity
The co-ordinators of the weekly will take a shy, quiet, little improviser
competition, Steen Raskopoulos and Week, accessible by the Global Solidarity Officer.
and turn them into a rocketship. A big 6. The USYD SRC immediately issues a press release about this meeting
Ben Jenkins are taking the opportunity confident, charismatic rocketship.”
of a new year to make Theatresports and its decisions.
less daunting for people who are Jordan McClellan is a second year members of the Arabic, Muslim and Jewish students associations. These
interested in joining whilst giving Arts student who has been involved
more experienced players the chance for one year. He describes starting groups where each expressed hesitation in supporting a motion that firstly
to improve their improv. Theatresports as “like if you spent they had no input in writing and secondly, which they felt oversimplified and
several weeks watching a really cool generalised the fundamental issue.
“I think what’s happened in the past party, and then you get invited to the
with just letting people get on stage party, and it’s dragon themed. Like I Honi spoke with Jamel Rathborne, President of the Muslim Students Association
regardless of their skills or confidence expected fun, and I got super fun.” at USYD. Jamel stated that he felt the SA motion “generalised” an incredibly
has been a bit of a downfall for us. complex situation, and further, that it presented “no real arguments”. “We have
more connections to the issue than the Socialist Alternative does,” Jamel stated.
“We tried to take it from the general to the specific, so that it would actually
New Deputy VC for Sydney Uni mean something to students”.
Giselle Kenny promotes her way to the top. Amani Frijat, President of the Arab Students Association at USYD expressed
many of the same opinions as Jamel, citing “a hateful tone” and arguments that
demonstrated a strong commitment to were “too general and meaningless” as her greatest criticisms of the motion. “We
social sciences and inter-disciplinary deserve a greater role in our own fight”, Amani told Honi. “We see blame on both
study with the establishment of a sides, and the motion should reflect this”.
new school of social and political
sciences and the introduction of the Jewish students have responded positively to the counter-motion. “It shows
Bachelor of Liberal Arts and Sciences. that there is great understanding among the students at Sydney,” said Michael.
Professor Garton also was awarded the
Centenary Medal in 2003 for services
to Australian history, holds a personal We, the representatives of the Sydney University Arab Students
Chair in History, and is a prolific and Association, Sydney University Muslim Students Association and the
successful author on a variety of topics, Australasian Union of Jewish Students:
such as insanity, crime, eugenics, war,
and social policy. a) strongly oppose the motion under consideration;
b) are concerned with the intent, generalisations and wording of
As Dean, Professor Garton also served numerous clauses in the motion and;
on the Macquarie Dictionary Word of c) are currently in the process of drafting a unified alternative motion
the Year panel for 2007 which selected that aims to address the issue itself and the concerns raised
‘pod slurping’ (the downloading of
large quantities of data to a memory We, in our respective capacities, believe that we are better placed to
The Silver Fox stick). At the time this was announced, address the concerns of all parties involved.
the selection panel noted that the
Professor Stephen Garton, current expression’s inventive and sensuous We therefore urge all students present to oppose the motion, in the
Dean of the Faculty of Arts, has been appeal had seduced them.” Honi has knowledge that we reject the motion and will be proposing a unified
appointed Provost and Deputy Vice- no doubt Professor Garton will apply alternative.
Chancellor of the University of Sydney the same verve and enthusiasm to his
and will assume the position in July new role as Provost and Deputy Vice- Signed 23/03/2009
this year. Chancellor.
Vice-Chancellor Dr Michael Spence “This is a measured, educated and thoughtful response to a problem which has
The Provost is primarily responsible continued to surface”.
announced the appointment last for the academic performance of the
week, following a rigorous national University, the senior manager of the
and international search. This week marks Palestinian Solidarity Week, a period which has, in the past,
sixteen Faculty Deans, the academic divided students into those who are “for” or “against” Palestine. This new motion
budgets and the University Librarian. shows that perhaps it’s time to blur these boundaries and make cooperation the
Dr Spence praised Professor Garton for There have been no announcements
the “exceptional strategic leadership” goal of student activism.
as to Professor Garton’s replacement,
he has displayed during his eight-year nor as to who will be Acting Dean until
term as Dean of the Faculty of Arts, a permanent replacement is found.
during which time Professor Garton >05
Pick me! Pick me!
CAREERS Alison Lee, qualified careers advisor, helps with your CV
Brazilian President, Luiz Inacio Lula da
Silva has worked out the true cause of Your curriculum vitae is a summary examples of how you successfully
of your hard slog of 20 odd years of used them at school, university, in the
the global financial crisis. Standing
school, university, casual jobs and workplace or wider community.
with British Prime Minister, Gordon your life outside of work and study.
Brown, da Silva blamed“white people My enduring impressions of
It will be scanned for 30 seconds, if Are you an all-rounder? Involved ARHT1001 are that my tutor was
with blue eyes.” Brown is white, but you’re lucky, by a critical employer in extra-curricular activities ie
brown-eyed, so only half responsible. who is making a short list of possibly environmental, sports, arts, debating,
cute in a Seth Cohen, glasses-
Aryans worldwide have denied hundreds of applicants for internships public-speaking, volunteering, wearing kind of way and that
culpability, though did point out they or graduate positions. Worse still, it community? No? “Hmm..” thinks the Romanesque churches were
are the super race. could be scanned first by a software employer.. “one-dimensional nerd generally less awesome than those
program seeking key words. The with maybe the brains but not well- built in the Gothic style. In addition
Japanese Prime Minister Taro Aso quality and content of these three to rounded and could lack people skills..” to that, however, the course
briefly forgot that his government four A4 pages can open the door to So, this is a wake-up call if you’re not distinguished itself by running the
an interview or slam the door shut. involved. These activities are highly best tutorial I’ve ever been to – a
was trying to stimulate investment
So, you owe it to yourself to develop a valued by recruiters of graduates. visit to the Art Gallery of NSW.
in stocks, when he described kick-ass resume that hits the short list
stock brokers as “shady” and “not and not the recycle bin. Some tips…. Talk yourself up with action words.
trusted.” These comments were Hardly earth shattering, I know,
When giving examples of tasks or
made in front of the president of one A consistent layout with good use of achievements start with verbs such
to have an art history class toddle
of Japan’s leading trading firms. white space, bold for headings, bullet as, planned, organised, analysed, off the state’s largest gallery. But
Afterwards government official points, page numbers and footers will researched, promoted, implemented, to have your tutor there, talking
commented later off the record, show you are organized, detail-minded negotiated, supervised etc. you through room after room of
“What? Everyone is thinking it. and take pride in your work. Don’t use works that are a bit samey and
Plus, Taro has previously publicly a stupid email address. What else makes you stand out from boring at first glance, was fantastic.
insulted teachers, old people and the crowd? Don’t underestimate Particular signs and allusions are
Perfect grammar, spelling and use of the importance of skills like a 2nd everywhere in these works and are
Alzheimer sufferers - at least stock
capitals are vital. Hey, it might just be language, computer technology, easily missed. Once we were told
brokers are actually shit people.” a typo but with many recruiters, its one technical skills, ability to use specific they were there, the narrative of
strike and you’re out if they see “liased, machinery or equipment, web or the work and the comment it was
Gaffeman favourite, 72 year-old Italian business manger” or “there staff.” graphic design, ability to produce
Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has Don’t just rely on spell check; print off, media releases, newsletters etc. List
trying to make became that much
admitted he thinks Barack Obama read every word aloud then hand over awards or certificates such as First clearer and more interesting.
is a smoking hottie. Berlusconi to a fresh pair of eagle eyes. Aid, OH&S or Life-saving. If you were Admittedly it didn’t help that art
responded to a journalist who noted promoted, supervised others, trained history subjects seem to attract a
the two leaders were dealing with Target your CV! To the job and to new staff, coordinated or planned an particular kind of first year wanker,
the economic crisis with, “I’m paler, the company. Scrutinise the job ad, event give yourself credit for it in your but most of us just switched off
because it’s been so long since I’ve selection criteria, company website CV. a little when those kids opened
and check out employer profiles at their mouths to ask yet another
been in the sun,” adding, “He is more
www.unigrad.com.au Determine the Written a great CV? You now have overwrought question.
handsome, younger and taller.” Gosh type of person and skills they want, your script for The Interview. Learn
Silvio, Gaffeman doesn’t think Barack the clients they have and the culture your lines. It’s so much easier to talk
swings that way, but it’s cool that you The works adorning the walls of
and values of their organisation. Then about who you are and what you’ve
haven’t even noticed he’s black. unashamedly tailor your CV so it done when you are aware of your skills
the AGNSW are wonderful. The
addresses their needs. and achievements and know what they excursion made us all realise that
want to hear. One last tip. Expecting a history plays host to centuries of
“Soft” or “employability” skills such call from a potential employer? Listen amazingly talented people, who
as teamwork, leadership, initiative, to your voice-mail message! put great thought and many hours
communication, problem-solving, into producing wonderful work
planning and organising ability, More info? Examples of resumes, cover only to vanish quietly into only the
willingness to learn, self-management, letters, tips on electronic resumes, most secluded areas the artistic
enthusiasm and cultural awareness are resume templates, resume builders or past.
Arriverdeci Gaffeman vital to every organisation. Prove you wizards can be found at www.careers.
have these skills and qualities by giving usyd.edu.au It was also interesting to realise
that artists that were in vogue
during particular time periods
the question of energy efficiency and wrong. Energy use year-round hasn’t are now all but forgotten, while
economy for an hour a year. It’s part been reduced by the proportion you’d those artists who were scorned
of this incredibly irritating movement expect if people were treating every
by the public and collectors alike
that says we can all tweak our hour as Earth Hour.
Earth Power consumption just a little bit, and call
ourselves enviro-friendly. The same thing bugs me about the
are now those who we revere as
masters. Apparently, gunning for
Bronwyn Cowell etched this ‘green’ editions most magazines and the underdog is always a good call
into stone during Earth hour Tom Friedman, the NY Times’ Foreign periodicals put out these days, full in the art world.
Affairs editor and author of “The of 100% organic cotton, free trade
World is Flat” shares my scepticism. T-shirts for the low, low price of $70. One of the best things about the
This past week, the welcome page In a recent lecture, responding to the Here’s an idea – don’t buy another tutorial was that once it was over,
of the USYD website announced trend of conscientious consumption, t-shirt! You probably don’t need it!
that on Saturday night, the uni you were more than free to hang
he noted that he is suspicious of a Nor do you need that 300-page glossy around and amuse yourself in the
would be turning off “all non- revolution where nobody gets hurt. In magazine!
essential lighting” for Earth Hour rest of the Gallery. I did so, blissfully
this context, that means a revolution forgetful of my other classes back at
– which begs the question, why is where nobody has to sacrifice anything Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying
such lighting on normally? When much and where we can live our lives I’m some paragon of asceticism. uni. The Gallery helpfully provides
the CBD alone saves megawatts mostly unchanged. I consume each and every day, low, comfy leather benches to sit on
upon megawatts of energy each with some gusto. But I don’t do so and gaze about, looking at works
Earth Hour, one is moved to ask Turning off your unused lights labouring under the illusion that from a distance. I’m by no means
why someone doesn’t switch those shouldn’t be trumpeted as some big my consumption is actually helping an art aficionado but there are few
lights off every evening when they gesture of love towards the earth – the earth. So yeh guys, turn off your places more relaxing than a nearly-
leave the office. to frame it as such stops it being an lights. Stop eating so much packaged empty gallery, and the best thing
everyday thing that people do just food, and try to catch public transport was that given the course I was
The existence of Earth Hour is because. Maybe you want to argue that more. If it is bothersome and time-
a convenient, hassle free way to doing, wasting hours in the Gallery
individuals and businesses do actually consuming, that’s good, because there fell neatly into that time honoured
do something that is good for adopt such energy-saving behaviour truly never was a revolution where no
the environment in a restricted category of Fake Work.
for the rest of the year, but you’d be one got hurt.
sense, but it also means that the HAVE YOU GOT BEEF?
public at large only engages with Bronwyn Cowell
Affirmative Action on Union Board
The case for... once elected, better leaders. It’s not The case against... “would never happen”. Yet in 2007,
Rose Khalilizadeh, Immediate Past easy trying to tackle this assumption as Justin Simon, Union Board Member when the AA quota was three, only
Union President a woman. It’s not easy conveying your three valid nominations were received
passion for the Union to a lecture of from women, leading to all three being
300 people while the boofy guys next elected without default and without a
to you can simply wear cowboy hats campaign.
and get votes for a candidate that isn’t
even there. It’s not easy postering for This means that all three missed out
your campaign when people graffiti on the opportunity to get their message
them with boob jokes. out, and that instead the campaign was
dominated by blokes in speedos with
That’s why affirmative action (AA) megaphones and some arsehole who
is necessary for the advancement bought a gigantic foam beer suit off
of women’s representation and the Internet. Female representation is
leadership. For those who say that AA about far more than just having an equal
The Union was always a boys’ club. It detracts from women getting elected on number of men and women on board.
started off as a bunch of male debaters, their own merits: if a system without AA It’s also about making all students feel
waxing lyrical until the wee hours over was truly merit-based, women would Affirmative action (AA) is the blue shell adequately represented, rather than
port and cigars. Even when women not be so grossly under-represented. of society. While well intentioned, it having everyone feel cheated.
started getting involved, they had If it was merit-based, women would be knocks out the true leaders among us
to start their own organisation - the on boards, in governments and leaders by deferring to arbitrary demographic Finally, while historically there has been
Women’s Union. The main Union of countries. But they’re not. They factors rather than actual talent. This a small deficit of women on board, they
was always for men and, when they continue to be left behind for reasons is particularly relevant at Sydney Uni, have also been overrepresented on the
amalgamated in the 1970s, they did that are far from related to merit and where 58% of the students are women, Executive, where the real differences are
not combine on equal footing. It’s not only through affirmative action can the every single one of whom is more than made. This goes to show that we have
just a problem within the Union. Even playing field be just slightly leveled. capable of deciding who is best to always had many talented women on
though women make up over 50% of represent them. board, and I don’t believe a single one of
Australia’s population, they currently AA is by no means the final solution. them needed AA to make a difference.
hold only 8.3% of board directorships I look forward to the day when we do When the AA amendment was put to
of our publicly listed companies. not need such measures to ensure the Union AGM in 2005, most reasons
Even within this university, there is that women are given a fair chance in favour of it revolved around the idea
a shortage of women in leadership in leadership. But for now, AA is that it would break down barriers and
positions, particularly at senior imperative to giving women fair encourage more women to run for
management level. access to opportunity and encouraging Union. When questions were raised
women to run for board, to get on the about what should be done if the
This engenders the assumption that board and to do great things for the quota of nominations was not met,
men are somehow more electable and, students at this university. this was dismissed as something that
for not being involved today… You
guys are doing nothing for education
rights and you are a bunch of highly
This week marks Palestinian
As the NLS crowd rode their prize Solidarity Week, an important
horse to oratorical victory, Noah opportunity for Palestinian and non-
White had had enough and tried to get Palestinian students to show their
Alma off the stage. When he reached
support for a two-state solution and
out and touched Alma’s arm, he got a
right ol, “don’t touch me Noah”, which to express solidarity with Palestine.
resulted in either Noah’s confidence It is an important week, one whose
or his hand melting. message is essentially of peace and
Following the exchange, new kid on
the block and SUDS firebrand, Matt In the past however, it has been a
McGirr, ignited the crowd with his signpost for overt and unnecessary
articulate and engaging tirade against protest and even violent outbursts
the Socialist Alternative. on Jewish students. Two years ago,
some Jewish students decided not to
*As Honi readers would know, the
attend university for a whole week
Socialist Alternative did not participate
in the NDA due to claims that the SRC as the sight of people dressed in
was not comprehensively criticizing Palestinian militia uniform became
the Labour government’s education too confronting.
In the same year, there were
Actually not a bad drawing - at least he’s got some chalk skills The Tom Green targeted bashings of Jews. It has
thus been a week frayed with
Experience hostility and resentment and one
which the Australasian Union of
More smutty Arking up at Noah When an Honi source asked Tom Jewish Students (AUJS) finds deeply
Green of the WHIGS if he was running
WHIGS An awkward moment occurred during for Union Board they received a very
the 30 minute rant off, when Noah in- odd response. Green is apparently Not only is the world becoming
The prospective candidate for the too busy putting his ticket together increasingly hostile towards Jews,
WHIGS, Christopher Ho has posted troduced “your SRC Education Officer
Elly Howse”. for this September’s SRC election. He but a growing anti-Semitism is clear
this fine piece of chalk drawing on plans to run a ticket called “The Tom on campus. Many Jewish students
the WHIGS Facebook group. In Green Experience” featuring only
another photograph posted by Ho, the As she took to the ‘stage’, her first feel unsafe on campus, and while
words were to irately correct her Presi- candidates named Tom Green. He has
‘HUMP’ sign on Manning wrote had the vast majority of students are
dent and his mini-gaffe. so far found 3 prospective members.
been added to so that it read ‘I HUMP who fill his requirements. understanding, certain groups
WHIGS’; ingenious. Honi suspects continue to espouse anti-Semitic
that this May’s election will once again “I am not the only Education Officer, sentiment.
see the WHIGS bringing the lowbrow Noah, the other is Rosie Ryan over
to student politics. there. She is the tall blonde one,” Ms
Howse yelled, gesturing for Ryan to At the inception of Palestinian
stick up her hand. Although largely Solidarity Week , AUJS calls on all
Honi has ignored by the less hackneyed in the
audience, Honi noticed NLS alumni
Jewish students to get involved
in eliminating anti-Semitism on
a deep throat wince at the correction. campus! Let us have a voice and let
us match the choir of anti-Zionist
Apparently our coverage of the in- However, the crowd were then treated and anti-Semitic voices on campus!
fighting and spectacular management to 6 minutes of entertaining and If you are a Jew and you have ever
misunderstandings about the condi- passionate oratory from Ms Howse, felt marginalised on campus, or
tions for defamation at the Union’s leading to us to ask: is she the next NLS even of you feel like its time you got
marketing and communications office
(producers of The Bull) in a past edition
candidate for SRC President? We hope
so, because her charismatic and engag-
Union Board involved, please let us know! We
has raised a couple of eyebrows and ing personality is a breath of fresh air Election Watch must answer the continuing echoes
of intolerance present at USYD.
instigated a departmental hunt for the within these stale SRC offices.
source of the leak, according to parties Last Tuesday, the Union held a
involved with the production of the We here at Honi have been hearing candiates information evening and On Monday, SARAH (Students
magazine. Honi promises our readers about rising discontent within the Honi made sure to find out who picked Against Racism and Hatred), an
that we’ll keep our lips sealed on the once formidable faction, and Ms up application forms afterwards. initiative created by AUJS, NUS and
identity of the snitch. Howse’s defiant tone only deepens our other organisations was launched.
suspicions of NLS disunity. Scott Brownless SARAH is a pluralistic anti-
While the Mill is happy to continue discrimination aimed at combating
causing a ruckus, we’re more keen Alma at odds again Tom Lee all forms of discrimination on
for The Bull to be given the support Australian campuses. If you are
from the Union necessary to ensure Perhaps the most ‘active’ moment Michael Buckland
of the day came when Socialist interested in getting involved,
that it not only stays afloat, but retains
its identity as a student magazine, by Alternative and Rumour Mill regular, Michael Falk please contact AUJS.
students and for students – not merely Alma Torkalovic, tried to interrupt
as a marketing exercise by middle- Elly Howse by invading the stage Jonathon Ribot Palestinian Solidarity Week should
managers. and commanding she rip up her ALP be respected as a legitimate
membership card. Christopher Ho attempt to express solidarity with
Palestine. At the same time, it
National Day of The two titans of the left out-shouted Elizabeth Watt must be conducted ethically and
In-Action each other for the audience’s attention,
with Alma’s favorite lines including: Mel Brooks
respectfully, to avoid alienating
those groups on Campus, such as
As the blue shirts of the SRC herded Jewish students, who have been
“Elly, if you really want to change Jessica Priebee
reticent students to Fisher last education then leave the Labor confronted with violence in the
Wednesday, Honi was on the ground Party!” Peter Seith past.
ready for some action to ignite a rela- and..
tively placid student protest. “This whole day is nothing more than Matt Sweeney David Krasovitsky
Although numbers were not officially a Labor Party caucus, and an NLS
counted, we estimate that 200 people hackfest!” Justin Simon
stood in the blaring sun as Noah White
struggled to control wavering interest While Elly’s fiery rhetoric included: Andrew Coleman
and a rogue sound system. “SHAME on the Socialist Alternative
Diary of Dr. Seuss
Tim Whelan is feelin’ like Seuss on Darjeeling
Whilst normally calm, I’ve been
troubled of late; Still, it grates deeply when even the
HACKER, AUSTRALIAN CLAS- The morals of kids have been left at best
S I F I CAT I O N B OA R D W E B S I T E the gate! Educational shows, and Hi-5, no less
Where once reigned Roald Dahl, and Who once taught our children with
This site contains informa- Mem Fox, and me, all the right trappings
tion about the boards that have There’s Bratz dolls, and K-Zone, and But now just show bimbos; good for
‘My Sweet 16’. nothing but fapping.
the right to CONTROL YOUR
FREEDOMZ... We must be Now we ‘let kids be kids’, and my But indignity, typically, doesn’t stop
word it’s a scam - there -
KILLED WITH LARGE MEL- Now they refuse to eat Green Eggs Now the Cat in the Hat needs a film-
ONS... Come join our ALIEN and Ham, goer’s stare!
They dismiss the proud Grinch in a Mike Myers gets cast with a shit-
SPACE PARTY. manner coquettish, eating grin,
And they think Hop on Pop’s a Tas- Just to get my stuff read over pop
manian fetish. culture’s din.
There was once a time when my Well, I’ve had enough; for I’m sick of
books were the rage, this pain
And troublesome youths copped a If I ran this circus; I’d bring back the
stint in a cage. cane
A time since long past; now they lie The eighteen year olds would do
and they cheat National Service,
Vox Pops! And to think that I saw it on Mul-
With daily Seuss readings to instill
them with purpose.
Katherine Connolly has a midday beer at Manning...
I fought and I wrote for impression- Society’s gone; it’s lucky I’m dead
QUESTIONS: able minds, The Cat in the Hat’d be compulsorily
To live and revel in more innocent read!
1. Should you be in class right now? times. If I was the Fuhrer, I’d make sure of
2. How many beers have you had here this week? Though, granted, I did write when adherence
3. Shag/Marry/Kill – Wentworth, Manning and Hermann’s? morals were set, Though I’d dress as the Grinch to
And ‘Women’s Lib’ used to mean keep up an appearance.
Pat Alex ‘loosen up your corset’.
Arts II Media/Communications II Hans Alex
Med/Science II Architecture I
1. No, but I missed one this 1. Yes, I’m supposed to be in
1. No, but I missed one yesterday Nuclear Biophysics 1. No, I haven’t missed any class
morning. 2. FourMonday, three on Tues-
2. About 20 2. I don’t drink this yet.
day and about nine on Wednes- 3. Marry Hermann’s; I can’t get 2. Around 5
3. Kill Wentworth; it’s an archi- day one today, so seventeen.
tectural boner reduction, marry anything better, kill manning; 3. Marry wentworth, shag
3. Kill Hermann’s; its pretty I hate the trendoids that hang manning because it get rowdy
Hermann’s; you could cheat on much a dive bar, shag Manning;
it and no one would care and out there, shag Wentworth; it’s and kill Hermann’s because no
she would pleasure you well and where I buy my labcoats. one goes there.
shag manning; it would be a marry Wentworth; she’d hold
sexy orgy you close at night.
Changing the world with the luck of the Irish
Ronan Harrington ark’s up. the possibilities are endless. strategising Arkº’s future, and the
only thing we could accurately foresee
I immediately sent him an email telling is that Arkº is in its infancy, will be
him about my background and offering entirely defined by the people who
to volunteer in whatever way I could. bring to it their creative energy. I
What started as a simple offer turned know a lot a companies try to portray
into a whirlwind correspondence full themselves as a small family with the
of ideas, dreams and plans of action, nauseatingly familiar ‘come join us!’,
eventually resulting in me writing but in Arkº’s case, it’s nothing but
a twenty page brief for him called true, since it can’t actually be any other
‘Taking Arkº Global’. On the strength way. Those who take Ark° forward
of this he decided to come down to from the start will be those who are
Dublin and penciled me in for a one rewarded when it gets big. Simple as
o’clock meeting in the Long Stone Pub. that. We’re going global and it starts
Nine hours later we got up from the right here. Every position is open for
table. Three days later I get an email someone looking for a unique place to
from him asking me to be co-Director work.
of the company.
So that’s it, I suppose. I’ve a degree
At 9am tomorrow, I plan to tell my in Psychology, and wore Vans three
boss that I will be quitting the Irish months after everyone else, to be sure
Department of Foreign Affairs. It’s a they were cool, and now I’m running a
Paddy forgot why he bought these flowers weird thing to do ‘in these recessionary clothing company.
times’, particularly when it’s a great
About three or four weeks ago, I read destroying college application. job with a decent wage that affords Visit www.arkchangeyourworld.com,
an interview in the Irish Times with a a comfortable Dublin lifestyle, not to buy a polo to wear now and then, and
young entrepreneur from Belfast who The concept immediately caught my mention that working on the Lisbon start your own revolution.
is doing things differently. His name eye - when you wear the Ark° logo, you Treaty for the DFA doesn’t look too
is Cameron Stewart. His goal is to perform one Act of Random Kindness. bad on a CV. I’ll more than likely have Ronan Harrington was a
make a million before he turns 20… Buy someone a coffee, surprise you to forgo a nice reference for breaking psychology student at NUI Galway,
and then give it all away. roommate with their favourite meal, my contract. Having said all that, big graduating top of the 2008 class.
help a drunk home. Kindness is the things have been happening, so I’ve He can be contacted at ronan@
He has founded Ark°, short for ‘Acts starting point, it’s up to you how you decided to take a leap and trust it will arkchangeyourworld.com
of Random Kindness’, a clothing Ark° on it. All proceeds from sales work out.
company with a purpose other than go straight back into organizing
profit. My roommate sent me the creative events that spread the feel I’ve spent the last 72 hours cooped
article as I was finishing another soul good factor. Spontaneous free gigs, up in my apartment with Cameron
handing out chocolate in traffic jams,
Reptilian Humanoids; Just Another Conspiracy Theory?
Anna Leacock wonders if Godzira is more than just a scary monster
foreigners, among them Bill and absurd theory involving aliens and
In previous lives, Icke was a goalie Hillary Clinton, the Rothschilds, child sacrifice promotes the one value
for Coventry City and a Green Mikhael Gorbachev, Kissinger, and which is most likely to make our lives
Party spokesman (until the Greens confusingly, the powerless Queen fulfilling.
enthusiastically kicked him out when Elizabeth II.
he started spouting his Lizard theory in Not that I’m saying we all need to dig
public). Now an accused anti-Semitic Inexplicably, the theory has attracted out our hemp underwear and watch
and author of eleven exceptionally followers who do not solely live in the nauseating Cher video on the
profitable, theory-spouting books, troglodyte caves and wear hemp Icke website. The overwhelmingly
Icke devotes his time to wildly popular underwear. Many of his lectures to contemptuous response to the alien
world lecture tours. spread the reptile word are attended theory just made this reporter consider
by audiences of over 2500. In 1999, the irony of sneering at Icke devotees
So what do the reptiles do? the director of the organisation when one’s own main activity is
‘Parents Against Ritual Abuse’ desperately trying to gain the approval
Ambitious little suckers, they reported 12 clients had claimed they’d of others through intimidating them
control humanity through fear and seen abusers turn into reptiles. At the with perceived intelligence.
negative emotions by creating global, University of Toronto, he received
I approve protracted conflicts. Check out Icke’s a standing ovation after a four hour Not that David Icke is any better,
website on how the Rothschild alien speech explaining his theory. Over generating flourishing paranoia
We all secretly love conspiracy race set up the Gaza conflict. and fear among his followers and
30 000 prints of his newest book The
theories. Maybe because of their simultaneously promising their
Biggest Secret were sold in the first
bizarre inventiveness, maybe to have According to Icke, Reptiles control devoted efforts will expunge that
a party chortle at the expense of those us through imprisoning our minds emotion from Earth. But ruminations
who believe them. They flicker on in a fourth dimension, which needs aside, let’s dig out our laser guns and
How has this theory become so
the radar for a nanosecond before energy produced by our own negative tin foil helmets.
retreating to die an ignominious cyber emotions – particularly fear. The
death. But the Reptilian Humanoid Reptiles then feed on this energy. Icke’s Australian tour is scheduled
It may be a combination of his powers
theory defies convention, boasting However, the dimension is weakened this year.
of public speaking, the sleek image
followers in 47 countries, 19 years by the lower frequencies of our ‘love’ of his products and website and the
after its inception. energy. Icke argues that we can fight fact that Tom Cruise doesn’t support
the aliens by starving them of our his group. Icke argues his popularity
So what exactly is this theory? negative emotions, especially in attests to the legitimacy of his theory,
halting violent campaigns. as people find his postulations echoing
It’s the belief that Earth is controlled
in their own lives.
by 7 foot, green aliens, variously called Sound like an Nimbin inhabitant
the Illuminati, the Reptiles and the on something totally natural, limply Although the theory totally lacks
Lizards. These Reptiles shape-shift waving an anti-Bush flag? Our loveable credibility, it does promote the
upon drinking human blood, control Texan is duly described as a ‘Satanist, belief that caring about others is
every facet of our lives and allegedly mind controller, torturer of children the most important activity. In our
have been on Earth for thousands of and adults, paedophile, major drug fig-tree shadowed grounds, this is
years. The theory’s creator, English runner and Reptile’ (emphasis added). an unpopular mentality. Students
David Icke, believes he is a ‘channel As usual, Bush gets it all in the ‘nads. scramble to be renowned for their
for the Christ spirit’ to enlighten the
superior intelligence, witticisms
human race about the Illuminati. The most powerful international and CV that used up a whole printer
Reptile Prophet? Just Ask Me. positions are held by these unsociable cartridge. It’s interesting that an
>10 Want to look at my hemipenes?
movie-book fable for our time
Danika Armytage goes on a medium-bending Odyssey with SCA student Julian Shaw.
In 23 years Julian Shaw - currently
undertaking a Master of Film and
Digital Image at Sydney College of
the Arts - has achieved an impressive
lifetime’s worth of achievements. At
15 he began writing for premier film
magazine Filmink, and before he’d
finished high school he was flying
between Sydney and South Africa
filming his feature documentary
‘Darling: The Peter Dirk Uys’ story
to think – they are hopefully generating
which has since won the an Inside Film can create the movie in their mind. Thomas as played by Colin Friels.
even more ideas.
award and had rave screenings at the Colin really had to do as much as you
Berlin International Film Festival. What has been your road to would in a film shoot for this – it went
Modern Odysseus plot, in a
nutshell? this book? for a whole week, and he had to sob,
Julian’s latest conquest is his book scream, strip down, make himself
Modern Odysseus released this It has been an incredibly difficult sick and even learn some dialogue.
The story is about a corporate burn-out
month, a “movie in book form” – but journey – you don’t get to finish a Sometimes scenes were blocked out
named Thomas Dedal, and this character
what exactly does that mean? book without a bit of madness and and run like a film shoot, but as in
is played by Colin Friels. Thomas picks
up Ulysses on the 16th of June 2004, without being obsessed. I just could the close up image here it was often
What is a ‘movie in book form’? never, ever let go of this story, it about accessing one emotion and
and it jolts a message straight into his
consciousness: he knows he has slowly haunted me. I created the character one look which would say it all. The
It means a novel, but one with of Thomas during the separation young blonde guy is Sebastian: he is
killed his own imagination. He gives
photographs throughout the text of my parents, and admittedly Thomas’ alter ego, and he is the one
himself one day to bring it back to life.
that help to tell the story and enrich his struggle with the corporate that Thomas goes on the journey with.
Modern Odysseus is his journal of that
the experience for the reader. Almost world is inspired by my Dad. The I guess the trick of the book is that the
day, as he goes on an odyssey through
every page of Modern Odysseus has whole corporate milieu which is original Odysseus explored the world
real and imagined events, looking to
a photograph, so it is an extra strand the backdrop of this book comes outside, but Thomas is exploring the
write a perfect fable for his time. So this
to the narrative. The key thing is that from what I have observed through space inside.
is like a movie reel where most of the
the images are not telling you what my childhood – it’s a venal, ugly
frames have been shaken out – readers
world but also one ripe for satire. What’s next?
So this is a book that peers into
that soullessness, sure, but that I am completing another incredibly
is not hard to do to be fair. I hope personal film project: All Blacks Don’t
the book goes one step further: I Cry. It’s about the All Black John
guess it is a passionate story about Kirwan and his battle with depression.
reclaiming your spark if you’ve let I’m playing John which is daunting
it die, and it is saying there can be but also a dream come true, as he was
something more than living on the my childhood hero and his story is
slick surfaces of life. one that fills me with inspiration. At
this point in my life I am only tackling
What can we expect to see in projects that mean everything to me –
the book? I can’t seem to work any other way for
The text, photographs and drawings
are by me, so it is a big epic story For more information on
told through many different media. Modern Odysseus, head to www.
I can’t tell you where it goes, but I modernodysseus.com.au.
don’t know anyone who hasn’t been
surprised by the twists and turns it
Why have you chosen to
reproduce these pages here?
Here you can see the character of
A Use of Bodies in Medicine at the Universit
Associate Professor Kevin Keay science. resource”, says Katherine Wilkinson,
doesn’t seem like a man who takes In the classroom, students observe Joel, a third year Med student, co-ordinator of the programme.
himself too seriously. prosections, which are dissections and Jason, in his first year of To donate your body, you are
that are prepared to demonstrate Physiotherapy, both agree that limited required to sign a Donor Offer Form
When I first meet the Associate anatomical structure. For example, a facial recognition makes it easier to at the University and complete a
Professor and Head of Anatomy and region of the thigh may have the skin see cadavers as a learning aid rather health questionnaire. Although after
Histology at the University of Sydney, and muscles stripped off to reveal than a person. death your family can override your
he is wearing shorts and thongs and the bone and tendon attachments decision to donate, your body cannot
the walls of his office are adorned with underneath. Remembering the first time they be donated to the University without
colourful pictures. But when he learns worked with heads, Joel described the your written consent.
the topic of my article, he is suddenly Kate, 22, is a first year med student, experience as “quite confronting”,
completely serious. and describes to me what an average //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// After death, the body is delivered to
anatomy prac involves. After death, the body is delivered to the University within 24 hours, and
“Our Body Donor Programme is stored for a year before it is used in
absolutely crucial to what we do “There are usually about four stations the University within 24 hours the classroom. Unless specified by the
here,” he tells me, leaning forward in that we move around in small groups, //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// donor that the body can be retained
his chair. and each station has a few prosections, by the University for future study, the
as well as models, bones or radiography University completes examination of
“Without the generosity of these images. Each station has an objective, but points out that desensitisation is
individuals who wish to donate their so we know what structures to look vital not only as a skill for doctors but
body, we couldn’t play a part in the for, and tutors are available in case we to allow himself to concentrate on the
advancement of medicine and we have trouble locating it. At the end of incredibly complex task of learning
couldn’t train the people who will be a prac is a short spot test to make sure the anatomy.
our surgeons, dentists or physical we’ve learnt something.”
therapists.” “All students are verbally educated
Medical studies have found that about respectful behaviour, and
Despite a vague recollection of ticking working with bodies can be quite we take a moment in all classes to
an organ donor box when I got my emotionally distressing for students, reflect on the value of the donations.
licence, I had never thought about but at Sydney it doesn’t seem to be a At the same time,” Keay adds, “we
what I wanted to do with my body problem. are training doctors, so it’s about
after I died. maintaining the right level of clinical
I decided to talk to a few people who “I think the donors are incredibly deceased remains after two years and
have used donated bodies in their Everyone involved in the faculty arrange a simple burial or cremation
education to find out more, and help know what is at stake if there is any service, incurring all related costs.
make up my mind. ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
misconduct. The University’s licence
is governed by the NSW Anatomy History
What are the bodies used for? Act, and any deviation from the strict
In fact, many responses showed that practice guidelines could mean the The Discipline of Anatomy was
Bodies are used for teaching every day it was the other way around, with licence is revoked. The fate of the established in 1890. A picture in the
in the Anderson Stuart building not students finding their own attitude UNSW anatomy department is an University’s photo archives shows
only by the grad students of medicine, detached and clinical when they all too recent reminder of what can how much the department has
but by undergraduate science and encountered their first body. happen if the donors are not accorded changed since then, with an image
medical science students enrolled in “It’s actually hard to equate the the proper dignity, respect and from 1919 of medical prosectors in
the Anatomy course. isolated body organ lying in front of anonymity that they deserve, when bow-ties with a decaying skeleton on a
Over at the Cumberland Campus, the you with a living person,” Kate says. the University’s licence was taken table, propped up by bricks. Another
THE FATE OF THE UNSW ANATOMY DEPARTMENT IS AN ALL TOO RECENT REMINDER OF WHAT CAN HAPPEN IF THE DONORS ARE NOT ACCORDED THE PROPER
discipline of Biomedical Science use away for reasons of “mislabelling”. picture from the 1920s hangs in the
anatomical specimens to teach those “Over time I’ve become more Anderson Stuart building of two
studying the health sciences, such as comfortable and I now find it easier to Who donates their body? skeletons sitting at a table, followed
physiotherapy and exercise and sports think of them as people.” by another shot showing them getting
Members of the public can elect to progressively drunker and sliding off
donate their body to science through their chairs.
arrangements with individual
institution’s programmes. When the Professor shows me this
irreverent shot capturing the timeless
At USYD, the Body Donor Programme nature of student life he physically
is run through the Faculty of Medicine, shudders. “Attitudes have changed a
and receives 40 to 60 donations each lot since then.”
To prove this, he takes me into the
“The people who decide to donate museum of anatomical specimens,
usually hear about the programme which is closed to the public and only
through their doctor or friends who open to anatomy students.
decide to donate. They generally To enter the museum I pass through
have a strong interest in advancing two huge heavy, wooden doors with
medical science. Some have a “J.T Wilson Museum” painted in
medical condition that they believe gold.
would provide a useful teaching
n of Sydney
THE SUCCESS OF A UNIVERSITY SUCH AS SYDNEY IS BUOYED
BY MANY CHARITABLE DONATIONS, BUT THERE IS A VERY
DIFFERENT KIND OF DONOR THAT MANY STUDENTS DON’T
KNOW ABOUT. PEOPLE WHO DONATE THEIR OWN BODIES TO
THE UNIVERSITY FOR TEACHING AND RESEARCH.
ALEXANDRA LEE INVESTIGATES THE ISSUE.
For some reason I expect it to be at this year, producing a prosection of the “idealised images of human anatomy proper care is always taken when
once gloomy and sterile. knee. available in textbooks.” dealing with cadavers, it is definitely
“The prosection competition was “If you are operating on a patient you something I would consider.”
Instead, I am taken aback by how offered to the 32 final year medical must have seen for yourself the relevant
bright it is, by the light pine furnishings students who had completed the seven anatomy in a number of cadavers For Ineke, studying medicine has
and the open layout. week full-body dissection course. The to appreciate the relationships to made her think a lot more about the
difference between dissection and other structures and any variations quality of life people have before they
On one wall is a huge mural of the prosection is that dissection means that may be normal or pathological. die.
original Anatomy Act of 1901, with the using the body to learn anatomy – Learning with real bodies is absolutely
revealing one layer, learning that, then essential,” Joel explained. She says her attitude is “fairly
cutting away to reveal the next. You practical” toward mortality.
eventually end up with just bones left. A personal choice
“I’m an organ donor currently and
“Prosection is more artistic – you Despite having gained immeasurably hope that my organs would be useful
are making a window to present a from their own contact with donated to someone if I died tomorrow.
particular structure as a feature for bodies, reactions are mixed when When I’m an old person I’ll consider
learning to be displayed. Prosection it comes to the decision of making a donating my body to the University.”
takes a lot more time.” personal donation and signing up to
the programme themselves. Back in the museum, there’s a display
So do we even need to use bodies of a hand pristinely preserved with a
to study anatomy? Jason and Joel are both hesitant window in the flesh so you can see the
out of concern for their family. Kate veins, intricate and delicate.
Every student I speak to is adamant points out that as young people, “we
preamble in bold to remind students that we do, though not every Australian don’t like entertaining the thought of I look at the label: 1924.
of the special privilege granted to them student gets this privilege, with a study death.”
“by the generosity of community- in 2000 showing that a student in 4 of And I realise, it’s not ungraceful or
minded individuals.” the 11 medical schools in the country “I think the donors are incredibly dehumanising at all.
The oldest specimen in the room is could feasibly go through their entire courageous to agree to post-mortem
a dissection of a heart, by Dr. J.H.S. degree without seeing one dead body. dissection for the education of In fact if anything its re-humanising
Lightoller in 1908. The amazing students. Unfortunately, I don’t know – an affirmation that no matter what
thing about the art of prosection is Students in the Sports Sciences have if I possess such courage. However, as your spiritual beliefs are, the way
that although attitudes have changed even less opportunity to work with people age they tend to become more our bodies work is nothing short of
so much since then, the methods have bodies. comfortable with the inevitability of amazing.
not. death and the fate of their remains, so
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// Victoria is studying Exercise Sports it’s something I’ll have to re-evaluate If my lasting legacy could be to educate
“When I’m an old person I’ll Science and Nutrition, at Cumberland over the years.” those who come after me of the value
and tells me that students from of life, well, there are far worse fates
consider donating my body to the
Macquarie University have to come to As the whole body is used, the than that.
University” USYD’s health sciences campus once a University doesn’t accept donors
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// week to use its cadavers. who donate their organs. Victoria is
listed as an organ donor but is positive
“We follow a certain method of Although synthetic representations towards the idea of donating her body
dissection,” Keay tells me. “There is a of the human body are available, they for research.
all agree that it is no substitute, due
very specific order to how everything to anatomical variations one finds “After having benefited from other
is done, so when a surgeon is in a real specimen compared to the people’s donations and knowing that
PROPER DIGINITY, RESPECT AND ANONYMITY THAT THEY DESERVE, WHEN THE UNIVERSITY’S LICENCE WAS TAKEN AWAY FOR REASONS OF “MISLABELLING”.
USING OUR BRAINS
operating on a patient he knows
exactly where everything is, he knows
that if he lifts up one layer, what will There is a great need to study human donor, other notable donors include Do people have to choose between brain
be underneath.” brain tissue but it is impossible to study Amanda Keller and Dr. Karl Kruszelnicki. or organ donation?
the cells of a living human brain without Normal or ‘control’ brains are vital for
“It requires amazing skill and precision causing great damage. This is why Using comparative studies and need to reflect the In NSW people can be brain donors and
to create work like this,” he beams. Our Brains was established in 2002 as a same patterns and differences in lifestyle, organ donors, but they cannot also be full
donor programme that all members of the age and experience as the abnormal body donors.
Prosection is a highly regarded skill community to give their brains to medical cases.
in anatomy, and the University of research. Robyn Miller gives me the low What are some of the outcomes of your
Sydney boasts some of the best. The down on this important program. Why do people donate? research?
Prosectors Competition was set up by
the founding chair of the Department
of Anatomy, J. T. Wilson, and Who can donate their brain? Generally people are interested in One very helpful outcome has been the
continues to this day. donating their brain to benefit research and mandatory enrichment of bread flour with
UoB accepts donations from anyone aged the community. About 20% of enquiries vitamin B (thiamine) to minimize brain
The value of prosection 18 or over and our donors come from come from the families of people whith damage in those who abuse alcohol.
a broad range of age, educational and neurological illnesses.
Ineke is in her final year of medicine, socioeconomic backgrounds. Gough Go to the website www.braindonors.org to
and is hoping to do surgery when she Whitlam signed up as the first register your interest or call Using our Brains
finishes. She was one of nine students on 9351 2410.
who underwent the prosection course
of Protest at
Will Atkinson gets critical on The Socialist Alternative’s march No. 426 - Copycat Fritzls
Bernard Levin and John Simon. against the National Day of Action
was interrupted last Wednesday by Old man Josef got life
members of NLS speaking out against last week, and now other
It seems more and more the case in the SA’s veto of the National Union of
student media that reviews and cov- barbaric fuckers are
erage of the arts aren’t so much an getting caught.
important feature of the publication, Chanting “socialists don’t care about
rather, a way to simply and quickly students”, the protesters stayed hot on Italian Frizl: For 25 years,
fill white space. Why? They’re easy the heel of the SA, who in turn were he raped his daughters
to write, often delightfully self- holding placards yelling “NUS doesn’t and made them watch.
reflexive, and they mostly disavow care about Palestine” as NUS marchers
reasoned argumentation for a good marched on a Federal Government
conference in Darling Harbour, yelling Columbia Fritzl: Raped
old-fashioned vent, precisely what
“the government doesn’t care about his daughter since the
we feel like on a Sunday afternoon students”.
after an extended clusterfuck of a
age of 9, and fathered 8
week. Reading the previous Fisher children by her.
The three groups gained momentum on
Book Reviews, you could almost be the walk from the University of Sydney
led to think that we don’t even get to the Convention Centre and marched You guys are fucked.
around to reading the books we set around it, until the NUS protesters
out to critique anyway.Well, the ones caught up with the stragglers from the
that this author has contributed. NLS and got confused about what group
they were in. The groups then walked
What about the case of the critic round in one big angry circle for quite
reviewing the critics, though? I’ve some time, until an protestor realised he
was yelling “Israel are murderous dogs!”
been having a look at the oeuvre as Kay Dook found herself holding a
of several famous critics (or notori- “Reform Youth Allowance” placard.
ous, depending on if you’re even
half-way related to previous targets During an impromptu caucus at the
of their wrath). Part of the appeal of protest, one of the factions put forward
people like Bernard Levin and John a motion making all members of the
Simon is the scintillating creativity SRC sit an exam that ensured each
they have at their disposal to make student representative was committed
a point – one that may be harsh, or to defending students rights. Those
right on the mark, but that is so well who supported the implementation of
made or plain insane that you can’t this assessment then split off from their
original group, forming their own Pro-
help but be drawn in. Test protest.
Levin, in his role as a theatre review- This aggravated matters even more
er, brings to mind two incidents that as the protest circle began to turn on
characterise this point neatly. Aside itself like a blue-shirted Ouroboros,
from being punched in the face by allowing Julia Gillard to make a hasty
a disgruntled lord live on national getaway, yelling the parting line “More
television, whilst hosting a show (for like National Day of Faction!” out of the
being ‘umgentlemanly’ in his cri- window of her limousine.
tique of the attacker’s actress wife)
and soldiering on marvellously, Unfortunately the Deputy Prime
Minister’s zinger fell on deaf ears as MEGA EPIC
he remains famous for a 500 word the protesters became distracted by a RAY GUN
review of a play, where exactly 500 knife fight that broke out between Elly Targeting the
words were used to describe ‘how Howse and Alma Torlackovic, a dispute hetero-
normative! ULTRA CLAW
nice’ the lead actress’ dress was… described by SRC General Secretary Keeps you safe from
Russell Schmidt as “oddly arousing.” the Government
John Simon has assiduously cultivat-
ed the persona of the worst person
in the world, a pantomime villain
par excellence around Broadway for
Boogy the Night
fifty years Apart from his pronounce- Away RIGHTS
ments on the role of critics – ‘why Earth Hour has once again run as a DETECTOR
should we eat shit, when we can eat success, with millions of people in Reclaim them!
caviar?’, his preoccupation with the Sydney turning off their lights and a
physical deficiencies of his victims pedal-powered concert in Melbourne.
flies over being characterised as
lazy reviewing and virulent per- UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon
said, “Earth Hour is a way for the citizens
sonal abuse into a high art form: he
of the world to send a clear message.
described Barbara Streisand’s nose They want action on climate change.”
as ‘[cleaving] the giant screen from
east to west, [bisecting] it from north Particularly vocal support for the
to south. It zigzags across our hori- initiative came from James the WELFARE
zon like a bolt of fleshy lightning’. Boogeyman. WARRIOR BELT
Everyone will get
Do people who write like this have “It’s my busiest time of year,” he said. K-Rudd’s $900
any value anymore? Though they “No one sees me coming!”
seem more outmoded every time
you open a review, they have an Criticised for using the event for evil,
rather than good, James responded:
inspiring spirit of insouciance and Equality Boots
“I do my bit for the environment, you
cuttingly accurate prose that you Crushing illegal
should be talking to my mate Sasquatch course fees!
can’t help but crack a smile at. - in terms of carbon output he’s got a
Big Foot print.”
Competitive beard and moustache growing
HOW TO PUT ON A SHIT SUDS Will Atkinson gets into the thick of all things hairy
• To waste three hours of your
obliging friends’ lives by forcing
them to sit through a poorly-act-
ed, under-rehearsed wankfest
on hard, uncomfortable plastic
chairs (Thanks Doug!).
• To make dead playwrights turn
in their graves or make living Ever since I was in Year Eight, where the ‘unwashed anarchist’, predomi- consciousness– from the frozen
the first tell-tale signs of facial fuzz nately the domain of, well, unwashed shores of Alaska for the ‘Alaskan
ones wish they were turning in emerged above my top lip, I’ve had anarchists and the Honi editors after Whaler’ beard category to my per-
their graves. an interest in the way people style a wild-eyed Sunday night in the SRC, sonal favourite moustache category,
their facial hair. as well as that seething multiplic- the Hungarian, an extended version
EQUIPMENT ity of facial designs that deny close of the famous handlebar.
1 x Script to be treated with great It seems both a strange thing to do, categorisation, but fall neatly under
indifference. let alone be interested in (Roald Dahl the aegis of ‘please look at me, I’m What can we take from this competi-
8 x Actors direct from the last once wrote of his confusion about a hipster’. Some contributions are tion? Nothing more than the knowl-
SUDS play to be staged. And the this ‘dirty habit’, questioning why merely a result of forgetting to shave edge that truly cool people are in-
anyone except criminals would want for a week, that aside, it can still be dividuals - able to do as they please
one before that. to hide their face) and a hobby that said that beards and moustaches and be comfortable about it, no
1 x Cockroach to creep across is so inbuilt into our fashion sensi- are loaded with more meaning than matter the amount of wax required
stage at highly inappropriate bilities and physical make-up that we’d expect. or odd looks on the street. If I had
moment of great dramatic sus- it’s plain ordinary. I tend to think half the confidence of these rutting
pense but secretly cause the au- that my interest is related obliquely The World Beard and Moustache examples of masculinity, I’d be lying
dience much joy. to my general inability to grow any- Championships only serve to reveal on the Manning beer balcony with a
1 x University maintenance thing convincing beyond a few days the patchy state that we’re in when it full Imperial. At this juncture, how-
worker to operate overly loud of red-and-brown stubble: like pro- comes to competition growth. Held ever, it looks like I’ll be sticking with
fessional sport, it’s a hobby that can every two years around the world, the Schick.
leaf-blower outside at highly inspire through being a spectator, the competition is a forum for fa-
inappropriate moment of great not necessarily competing. cial hair culture across the world Other competitive Beard and Mous-
dramatic suspense but secretly – a melting pot of beards united in tache tournaments include The In-
cause the audience much joy. Contributions to the beard world at the spirit of fierce competition. One ternational German Championships,
this University are generally a mixed only has to read the categories com- the European Championships, the
METHOD bag. Amongst the better known looks peted in to understand the reach of Beard Olympics and Superbeard.
1. Write it yourself: the ultimate being rocked by a few of the boys are the beard and moustache in human
fail-safe. Be sure to pack it with
plenty of ten-page monologues
imbued with deep ‘themes’ and
‘values’ relating to your ‘Intro- Shoes in Politics
duction to Philosophy’ lecture.
Reveal way too much about your > Kruschev at the United Nations
secret depression or psychosis On 12 October 1960, during the height of the Cold War, Nikita Krushchev, General Secretary of the
and make your friends forever Soviet Union, controversially took off his right shoe during a meeting of the United Nations General As-
wary of being stuck in a con- sembly and banged it vigorously on the table. This was to make explicitly obvious his anger at the words
fined space with you. of Lorenzo Sumulong, head of the Filipino delegation, that the Soviet Union has denied the people of
2. Be one of the three people of Eastern Europe their “civic and political rights”.
the year who is not SUDS Presi-
dent Chris Hay to direct a play. > George Bush’s Head
You’re bound to fail in compari- On 14 December 2008, al-Zaidi interrupted a George Bush and Nuri Kamal al-Maliki press confer-
son. That guy is like a freakin’ ence by throwing his shoe at the then-Head of the Free world. Slow-to-act security guards gave al-Zaidi
prodigy or something. enough time to throw his second shoe and shout “This is from the widows, the orphans and those who
3. Invert the genders. “Ground- were killed in Iraq!” Hitting someone with a shoe is a major insult in Iraq; it is meant to indicate that the
breaking!” says the director. person is as low as the dirt.
“Horrifying!” says his audience
of one. > Height of Fashion
4. Give the slot to Kip Williams In the grand tradition of French monarchs of the past, Nicholas Sarkozy has become famous both in
and allow him to sit on a chair France and abroad for penchant for heeled shoes. In order to compensate for his 5”5’ stature, Sarkozy
for an hour and stare at the au- wears shoes with at least a 2-inch heal. Dubbed the ‘Effet de Sarkozy’ (Sarkozy effect), heeled shoes have
dience. Some will cry. Most will taken off in France, with many of Sarkozy’s shoes being designed by top French designers.
5. Rely on ‘Brechtian theories of
minimalism’ to legitimise the > 2,700 Pairs and Counting
tragic lack of set. Also referred to as the “Steel Butterfly”, Imelda Marcos is the widow of former Filipino dictator Ferdi-
nand Marcos and one time member of the Filipino house of representatives. An influential and corrupt
CONCLUSION public figure, Imelda Marcos used public funds to finance her shoe habit and by the time of her hus-
It was found that while a shit band’s dismissal in 1986 was the owner of over to buy over 2,700 pairs of luxurious designer shoes.
SUDS play left some in the au-
dience questioning established
theories of theatre, most were > Only the Left Shoes Made on Strikes
simply left questioning their will So goes a saying in Japan, after a famous strike at a shoe factory in the Shikoku province in the 1960’s.
to live. Interestingly, the high The workers at the factory were unhappy with their pay and attempted to strike, but local laws prevented
level of shitness had no bearing the closure of the factory. To get around this, and still force their employers’ hands, the shoe-makers
on the self-satisfaction achieved resolved only to make left shoes until their demands were met.
by the director.
Report of the SRC President, Noah Whiteemail@example.com
The University of Sydney
Thanks everyone who came to the The way the NUS works is that a Even with such a reduced budget the NUS and the SRC.
National Day of Action last week. It campus representative organisation NUS has been incredibly effective over
was a big success and we managed to (like the SRC here) joins by having a the last few years, successfully having If you would like to find out more
generate significant media interest in referendum. Then, every year elects Domestic Undergraduate Full Fee about the NUS visit www.unistu-
the issue of student poverty and student a number of “delegates” depending places abolished, being instrumental dent.com.au.
income support reform. We managed on how many students they represent in the set up of the new federal youth
to have the issues covered on Triple J, (we elect 7). These delegates attend a advisory body, the Australian Youth
2UE, 2GB, Channel 7, Channel 9, the conference at the end of the year were Forum (there is even an ex-NUS NOAH’S KITCHEN
ABC, in the Australian, the SMH and policy decisions are made and the next president that sits on the body) and
even the Sunday Telegraph! year’s activities are set for the NUS. achieving a decrease in the amount of As promised, this week I will
National Office Bearers and a team of HECS payable for science and maths be providing a recipe for
And it wasn’t just here in Sydney that National Executive members are also students. Lasagna.
students made sure their voice was elected to run the organisation.
heard. Huge numbers of Students from The NUS has also lead the campaign You will need:
Brisbane, Melbourne, Perth, Canberra It would be very hard for the SRC to, against VSU and for the introduction The 1kg of Bolognese sauce
and Adelaide all participated. The vast by itself, influence the Federal Govern- of the new Student Services, Repre- you froze last week (if you
majority of universities participated in ment’s actions and policy decisions sentation, Advocacy and Amenities didn’t you can make fresh
some way. Students, nationally, were since we only represent a small slice legislation which will protect student Bolognese sauce using my
united in support of student income of Australian students. The NUS’s representation and life on campus recipe last week)
support reform. strength comes from the fact that it (see my report from week one). This 1 box of Lasagna pasta
represents over 800 000 students from legislation, which is being vehemently sheets
Being united at a national level is what 32 of Australia’s 37 public universities. opposed by the liberal opposition (they 3 cups grated cheese
is needed for a strong campaign. There The NUS is funded though “affiliation see an active student voice as a threat
is no use for students from the 39 Aus- fees” collected from member organisa- to any possibility of a conservative For the Béchamel sauce,
tralian universities to be shouting with tions every year. This used to be pro- government) would, in my opinion, you’ll need:
39 different voices asking for 9 differ- portional to the number of equivalent never have seen the light of day, if not 3 Tablespoons butter
ent things; we would never achieve full time students the organisation for the NUS. About 3 Tablespoons plain
anything. represented but since VSU, the NUS flour
has had to make allowances for organi- In what is a bit of an ironic twist of fate, 1 ½ cups cold milk
This is why I think that it is important sations that have been hit particularly the NUS stands to gain very little from One cup grated cheese.
that there exists a national representa- hard and now collects “affiliation fees” this legislation, nor do other represen- You will also need a baking
tive body for students that the Univer- equal to an agreed amount negotiated tative organisations such as the SRC, dish, approx 20x30cm.
sity of Sydney SRC is actively engaged between the NUS and each member which have done most, if not all of the
in. The National Union of Students was organisation. groundwork for the fight against VSU. To make the Béchamel sauce,
set up in the late 80’s in response to It will be the large service Unions that melt the butter on a very,
the introduction of HECS and the SRC Essentially this has meant the our will gain the most from this new legisla- very low heat in a small pot.
has been a member since that very first national representative body has been tion (with the biggest benefactor in the Add the flour slowly, stirring
year, a very active member. In fact, out one of the organisations hardest hit by country, almost undoubtedly being our until all the flour is absorbed
of the last 15 presidents, 7 have been VSU, having its income cut by 83%, very own USU), the organisations that but the resulting paste is still
from Sydney Uni. in other words it operates on a budget, have been hesitant to lift even a finger oily. Slowly add the cold
one sixth the size of what it was. in support of the campaigns run by the milk, stirring until gravy,
like consistency is reached.
Then melt 1 cup of the grated
Report of the Education Officers, Elly Howse and Rosie Ryanfirstname.lastname@example.org
cheese into the sauces. Add
salt, pepper and nutmeg to
Last Wednesday university students are departments such as humanities, humanising and blatantly racist Make sure the Bolognese
across Australia marched to protest science, teaching and nursing and act of legislation was passed under is completely thawed and
against the government’s failure to rural and regional universities. the guise of ‘protecting children’. divide into three equal
provide fair student income support, What this means is that if you’re portions so that the layers of
support student organisations Angry about this? Want to know an indigenous student from the the Lasagna are consistent.
and provide an accessible higher more? NT studying here at the prestigious Spread one of these layers out
education system based upon University of Sydney, your Abstudy on the bottom of your baking
learning and quality, not profit. Come to the Education Action Group payments are quarantined by the dish, then drizzle a quarter
Thanks to everyone who came along every Tuesday at 1pm on the shady government. You can only spend of the Béchamel sauce over
and got their feet on the streets, it lawn next to Fisher library (you’ll see your allowance in specific stores. this and cover with a layer of
was a great day for students! it if you walk up from Victoria Park). pasta sheets. Repeat this twice
Anyone can come and we’ll listen, Got $200 per week to pay in rent? more so you have 3 layers.
What’s happening in higher discuss and plan for more events on Too bad! You have to spend it
education at the moment? campus. where the government wants you to. Cover the top layer with
According to the government, non- the remaining Béchamel
Julia Gillard, federal Minister for What else is happening on campus? indigenous people can manage their sauce and then sprinkle a
Education and Training, is proving Centrelink payments but indigenous generous amount of grated
persistent in her attacks on higher If you think higher education is people can’t. cheese over the top. Cover
education. Howard did everything having a hard enough time at the Lasagna with al-foil and
he could to degrade higher education the moment, just think about the Are you angry about this too? put into a preheated oven
in Australia. The Rudd Government indigenous communities in the at 200 degrees and bake for
is not only continuing the neglect Northern Territory who have been The Anti-Racism Collective meets 30mins, remove foil and bake
but is finding new and more sinister racially discriminated against at 12pm every Monday on the Law for another 15mins or until
ways to turn universities into profit- by both the Howard and Rudd Lawns. The major focus this semester golden brown on top.
driven institutions based on neo- governments since 2007 through the is on stopping the NT Intervention,
liberal ideologies. NT Emergency Response Legislation so if you don’t know much about it
They are doing this through (the Intervention). or mainstream media has made you
deregulation of course places believe that it’s a ‘necessary thing’,
and demand driven funding Apparently both governments you should definitely come along.
which threatens to dramatically believe that indigenous Australians
decrease course quality through can’t control their money or their
overcrowding. Also under threat children so a paternalistic, de-
GENERAL SECRETARY’S REPORT
Report of the General Secretary, Russel Schmidtemail@example.com
The University of Sydney
“Pull here for Arts degree” reads the his head and muttered, “when I did that vein for a while. will be
witty inscription above the roll of my degree this class would not have To complement this, earlier in the left floundering in mediocrity as the
toilet paper in the dingy Fisher stack. had more than 10 students on a good week the Australian published rest of the world charges off into the
LOL. No doubt some overzealous day. And my degree was free.” To figures for educational enrolments; figurative high quality educational
commerce student wrote this and me this highlights the incrementally they’re up 6.5% overall. Up 20% in sunset. What is the value of choice
kudos to them, I laughed. For all diminishing standards that we need education. Up 12% in engineering. if you get the esteemed privilege of
we know Julia Gillard penned this to fight against. Up 10% in law. Hmmm the perfect choosing between an overcrowded,
hilarious little quip during her recent storm, more people, less money; shit quality law degree or a crap
stint in Sydney. It seems that every Today (last Friday to you) the front that’s sure to lead to better quality quality, overcrowded commerce
week I end up writing about money page of the Australian announced degrees! degree? Or perhaps a shit degree at
and this week will be no exception, that the Rudd Government’s ‘razor Sydney University or a crap degree at
except this time it’s money you wont gang’ was going to hit tertiary Deregulation of universities is UTS? If you’re choosing between shit
be getting thanks to Gillard. education funding and $7 billion that tantamount to privatising tertiary and crap, you’re still gonna come
was flagged for education is now at education. Those who argue for out covered in poo and what of that
The problem with tertiary education risk. You simply cannot improve privatisation traditionally do so under Arts degree come toilet paper? It’s off
is that the turnover is too fast; none university quality to ‘world class the guise of providing greater choice; chillin’ with the tooth fairy and the
of us were around for the ‘good old levels’ without more money. About in this case letting students decide. bogeyman in the land of imagination
days’ (sans the dude in the front row two weeks ago my report focused on Education and especially public because it wasn’t ‘viable’ to keep it
of your philosophy/English/history why deregulation was a flaming load education isn’t a commodity. Without around in the brave new deregulated
lecture). I remember vividly when I of crap and spoke about how more a massive injection of money, an world. Cheers Julia.
was in a first year tutorial with more targeted money was required to fix injection of money that was meant
than 30 people and the lecturer shook tertiary education. I’ll continue in to justify deregulation mind you, we
Report of the Women’s Officer, Tamsin Dingleyfirstname.lastname@example.org
So it’s week 5 and we’re all at starting in the coming weeks to make badges, hopefully include compulsory for queer or queer friendly females.
to remember why holidays are good patches, banners etc so come along if workshops for college men. More info will be posted to the lists
and semester is bad- oh the enormous you’re in an artistic mood. Dates and and advertised around campus
workload! For those of you devoting times will be posted to the women’s Women’s Honi is coming out soon
time to women’s activism on campus, e-list. If you’re not on this list and and submissions are now open! Women’s Activism on campus is
and indeed to reading this article, it’s would like to be, email me. Send in poems, articles, rants, jokes, collaborative and all input is valued
much appreciated. photos and art to tamsindingley@ so if you have something to say, idea,
Part of our violence campaign hotmail.com. We’ll also be having questions or comments please email
In the coming weeks Women’s will be directed at men as a way a Women’s Honi launch party so let me and let me know. Also, if you
Collective will be getting new Stop to ensure we do not move the me know if you’d like to be involved can’t come to collective meetings
Violence Against Women shirts, and responsibility of preventing sexual in the organising. (damn those clashes!) I’d be happy to
launching the Thursdays in Black assault onto women. Sexual assault meet women for a coffee and a chat
campaign which is a silent protest is a gendered issue and men need to Furthermore; during week 7, the so don’t be shy!
to stop violence against women. be involved in the solution! After our Queer Collective will be running
We’ll also start running our self- non-autonomous discussion group heaps of events and workshops as
defence workshops. In addition, last week- in which women and men part of “Pride Week”. If you want
we will be launching our Sexual discussed the implementation of this to be involved, email Morgan at:
Assault Information Campaign about campaign- we are in the process email@example.com.
preventing sexual assault and how of producing some literature and
to report it, what to expect, and your posters etc. More discussion will be On the Thursday of Pride Week, we
rights if you are sexually assaulted. happening to shape the interactive will be collaborating with the Queer
We’ll be having a few working bee’s part of this campaign, which will Collective to run a queer film night
SRC HELP: Level 1 (Basement) Wentworth Building, City Road Entry
9660 5222 or firstname.lastname@example.org
Hi Abe, Dear Gang of Three,
A couple of friends and I have The Department of Housing has a
decided to move into a flat together. scheme called RENTSTART. This is
We hope to find somewhere near where low income earners (under
Uni so we can save on travel. We about $450 per week) can have
think we’ll be able to afford most part of their bond paid for them,
things, but just wanted to know if if they are on the lease. This is not
there was anything we could do to a loan – you don’t have to pay it
get some financial help. back http://www.housing.nsw.gov.
au. You do have to be on a regular
Gang of Three. income, like a part time job or a
Centrelink payment, and have less
than $1000 in the bank. If you are
on a Centrelink payment you may be This column offers students the opportunity to ask questions on
eligible for Rent Assistance. Just get a anything that may affect their “welfare”. This can be as personal
rent certificate from Centrelink. Talk as a question on a Centrelink payment or as general as a question
to an SRC caseworker if you need on the state of the world. If you would like to ask Abe a question
help getting cheap furniture or have send an email to email@example.com. Abe gathers his answers
trouble paying your bills. They’re from experts in a number of areas. Coupled with his own expertise
always happy to help. on dealing with people, living on a low income and being a dog,
Abe’s answers can provide you excellent insight.
SAAO Students Beware: Employer of Choice
Corner Reviews University Harassment Procedures
Recently the University of Sydney was one education or update is received by all wait for new clear and fair procedures?
From the week of over a hundred Australian businesses staff every two years. There is a huge SUPRA’s view is that such a review needs
beginning Monday named as an Employer of Choice for leap between this and their vision that only to make minor amendments to the
the 23 March 2009 Women by the Federal Government’s women will not be harassed. Education existing procedures, along with more
we will be offering Equal Opportunity for Women in the is one tool, but excellent harassment resources. The existing procedures were
drop in appointments Workplace Agency (EOWA). But don’t be procedures and policies are essential to developed many years ago through a highly
of 30 minutes on misled – this does not mean it is a perfect ensure complaints of harassment are reputable, external organisation, the Anti-
Tuesdays 2pm - place to work or study. As many students handled fairly, confidentially and in a Discrimination Board conducting a review
unfortunately know, the University is not timey manner when they do arise in the that involved significant consultation
10am - 12pm and
free from harassment and discrimination workplace. across the University. The resultant
Thursdays 2pm - 4pm.
and the University’s moves in recent years procedures were designed so that a senior
These are times that Harassment Review and the University
students can walk in to review its harassment and discrimination officer, the Manager of Harassment
and expect to see a policy must be viewed with suspicion. and Discrimination Resolution, based
Student Advice and Harassment and discrimination affects outside the faculty structure, dealt with
What ‘Employer of Choice’ Means
Advocacy Officer students as well staff. For some months complaints. This was to ensure complaints
(SAAO) straight away As an Employer of Choice, the University of last year, if you had looked for the were handled by an expert in harassment
or after waiting for a can cite this ‘accolade’ in its recruitment harassment and discrimination resolution and were dealt with in a consistent, fair
short period of time. advertisements and other promotional procedures on the University website, and timely manner. The procedures may
material. EOWA sees this citation as a you would not have found them! How at first glance have seemed complex but
During other times helpful and fair is that if you were facing many transparent options in dealing with
way for a business to differentiate itself.
appointments can be harassment and wanted to know what
Yet twenty-one of the other businesses harassment complaints is appropriate.
made with a SAAO
named were tertiary institutions. might be done about it?
by: Shamefully though, despite those
What impressed EOWA about the The University responded when SUPRA procedures still officially being in place,
* email: Send an University? It commended the University voiced its concern about this at the Student the University has gone back to its old
email to help@supra. Associations/Senate Liaision Committee pre-1997 ways. The position of Manager
for offering one of Australia’s leading paid
usyd.edu.au. This will meeting in October last year. As a result,
maternity leave schemes, for its Women of Harassment and Discrimination
be forwarded a SAAO
in leadership program and its Women in if you now click on the harassment and Resolution has been abolished. Now,
who will endevour to
Science project. discrimination pages under the University’s if a student makes a complaint to the
respond within 24hrs.
If possible, please Staff and Student Equal Opportunity University that they are being bullied by
However, being an Employer of Choice website, you will see that the procedures a member of a Faculty, it is referred back
include a telephone
for Women does not mean that there are are accessible, but note that they are under to the Faculty to investigate. Talk about
contact number in
perfect conditions for women staff. It review.
your email so we conflict of interest!
can get back to you only means that the University is better
than some other organisations in Australia At that same October Committee meeting Furthermore, many academics and
and is meeting minimum government SUPRA was told that the review was being administrative staff do not have the training
* Telephone: Call requirements. undertaken to simplify procedures and and skills to resolve situations of bullying,
the office on (02) encourage early resolution. The University so they can be very reluctant to become
While EOWA has a vision of a perfect advised that the Office of General Counsel
9351 3715. Many involved. When they do become involved,
initial queries can future, its requirements for an employer was reviewing a draft. An exposure draft they are often ineffectual at stopping the
be solved through a of choice is for the employer to deliver of new procedures would soon be available bullying or making any difference. So if
conversation on the improved outcomes for women and the for consultation with SUPRA and other you do find yourself being harassed, seek
phone. business. Note the word ‘improved’. stakeholders before finalisation. advice at SUPRA.
One specific EOWA requirement is that
* In writing: Send a the ‘Pay equity gap between average In February 2009, SUPRA was directed to
fax to (02) 9351 6400 male and female salaries at each level of a staff member who advised that they did
or post your letter to the organisation is less than the national not know when the draft procedures would
SUPRA gender gap identified by ABS research be distributed for comment and could
Raglan Street Building provide very little information on what
(currently 17%).’ This is a long way from
(G10) changes were proposed. SUPRA followed
EOWA’s vision of the future where women
Darlington Campus up with a further question about the
will receive equal pay for their equal work
UNIVERSITY OF SYDNEY
contribution. review to the Student Association/ Senate
Liaison Committee meeting in March.
EOWA’s Harassment Requirements for
* Website: Fill in the SUPRA was advised that Deputy Vice
‘Employer of Choice’
online form at http:// Chancellor (Education) Anne Brewer was
www.supra.usyd.edu. And what about harassment? EOWA’s now handling it as part of a larger project
au/Adv/Contact_a_ prerequisite is that organisations - the ‘Workslate’ Project on Complaint
SAAO.html demonstrate that sex-based harassment and Dispute Handling, Grievance and
training is conducted for all staff Misconduct Proceedings.
(including management, contract staff and
How much longer will students need to
casual staff) at induction and refresher
All students, but women in particular,
need to feel comfortable that if they
Discrimination Board of New South
Wales. A review is indeed needed, but it
make a complaint about H & D issues
that it will be dealt with quickly and
must not risk fairness and transparency
for the sake of simple procedures.
fairly. In recent years there has been
insidious and backward changes to
Ann Turner, it’s FREE!
Student Advice and Advocacy Officer
the procedures originally developed in
By becoming a SUPRA
conjunction with the reputable Anti- Subscriber you will be able to:
• Access our free, confidential
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Solidarity Week events. • Access discounted
photocopying, printing and
I too joined in leafleting the surge of bottle-necked faxing
Last Thursday there was a commotion on the footbridge as students. Many left their names to get involved in
Israeli Defence Force soldiers blocked the campus entrance with Students For Palestine, proving that this issue is still very • Vote or run in the SUPRA
automatic rifles, stopping students for ID cards, and for details Council elections
much alive for students on the campus at Sydney Uni.
of their timetables and movements for the day. Why, I hear you • Actively participate in your
ask, would the IDF be interested in the movements of Sydney “Palestine Solidarity Week” is shaping up to be lively and representative student
University students? inspiring. The student general meeting to discuss a motion association.
of support for Palestinians will be held Wednesday April
By becoming a SUPRA Supporter
Of course I.D.F are much too busy running checkpoints in 1st in the Quad General Lecture Theatre! Be there to you will be able to:
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in fact costumed members of the cross campus group, endorsed • Access all of the above
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just theatre, the felling of terror was chilling. Welcome Pack (including
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One of the organisers of the event, Patrick Langosch, said “we the SUPRA office.
simulated the checkpoint here today to remind people of the terror
Palestinians go through day to day just to move around their own
land. We wanted to grab students’ attention and invite them to
get involved in the campaign. The tactic seemed to work!” Raglan Street Building (G10)
Many students were rightly frustrated by the “checkpoint”, and University of Sydney NSW 2006
many hung around to discuss the issue of Israel’s occupation of Phone: (02) 9351 3715
Fax: (02) 9351 6400
What’s coming up at SUPRA (see www.supra.usyd.edu.au for more information)
Mon 30 March Palestine Solidarity Week
Fri 3 April @ 6pm Queer Network Film Screening @ SUPRA - The Life and Times of Harvey Milk
Mon 20 April Postgrad Week - Details soon...
Coming Soon SUPRA Elections for the 2009-10 Council
V Festival =
THEATRE CONCERT CINEMA Promo Heaven
Travesties James Morrison and Emma Pask Family Demons Jonno Seidler got Festered.
Dear Sir Tom Stoppard, Wading though a horde of picnicking Recent trends toward big-budget
retirees on the lawns of Taronga Zoo, gore flicks have left “horror” a little
Oh Tom. You are too clever for your I had doubts. With a crowd this old, neglected in the Australian film
own good. Did you know that? I just no doubt grandparents of indie kids industry. Financers tend instead to
saw your play, Travesties, performed rocking on at the Abercrombie, I was back quirky dramas that have the
by the STC at the Drama Theatre in certain the evening’s entertainment potential to compete internationally.
the Opera House. And I have to say, it was to be similarly geriatric. I found
was pretty good. The acting was good, my group, planted the rug and popped So with little support and a self-
the design was brilliant and there the cork on a good bottle of red. The financed $6,500 budget, Ursula
was a revolving stage. As expected setting was fantastic and the wine Dabrowsky shot Family Demons,
with STC audiences, about 80% had went down well, most of it before the which premiered last week in Sydney
greying hair, haw-hawing away to
“My festish for Lesbians and Midgets”
show began. How very Mosman. as part of the “Night of Horror
demonstrate they got the more literary International Film Festival”. I’ve always vowed that being a
of your jokes. We were planted front and centre in creative, dole-bludging type, I would
a natural amphitheatre toward the Best described as a psychological never whore myself out to a major
I wouldn’t have thought that you bottom of the zoo, packed to capacity horror, Family Demons sees an corporation.
could explore Dada, World War I with jazz enthusiasts nibbling on abused teenager kill her alcoholic
trench warfare, early C20th Fashion, salmon blinis and guacamole. With mother, who returns as an evil spirit But let me tell you, after this weekend,
Bolshevism and Modernism through a good view down to the harbour, the to continue the girl’s mental and if there’s one brand I’d love to sell out
the lens of an Oscar Wilde play, but you sun dipped below the horizon and the physical imprisonment. for, it’s Richard Branson’s Virgin. V
did. Your genius intertextuality kept lights on the domed stage faded down. Festival, a music extravaganza put
us happy on so many levels; and those Out came the band. James Morrison I entered the cinema a little sceptical. on by the phone/flight/space mogul
of us who had read the (Importance of – certainly Australia’s most acclaimed It’s hard to convince cynical audiences is a brilliant exercise in product
Being Earnest) enjoyed your allusions jazz musician, arguably of any genre that they should be afraid of what’s placement, advertising and complete
and rhetorical horseplay all the more. – picked up his trumpet and blasted on the screen, especially on a budget. consumer decadence.
In fact you are probably just a little too out a few upbeat numbers, then Running for 80 minutes, the horror
fond of that sort of thing; your editors introduced his people with a series of conventions employed are at times Vowing to ‘Right Music Wrongs’ via
should grow some balls and tell you shockingly poor dad jokes. Needless a little comical; the zombie hands a gigantic ad campaign and website,
your plays are just too long, Tom. I’m to say, the dads in the crowd loved it. escaping dirt graves and high- Virgin once again ramp things to n’th
sorry, but it’s true. Audience rapport, tick. pitched violin chords kept me smiling degree, like it’s a totally normal day
wryly and seemed to confirm my at the office. Average punters can
You’ll be pleased to know that the Throughout the two hour set, cocky assumption that this might pick up free Coke Zero and Lipton
design was exceptional. The set, ‘Australia’s finest jazz players’ (as just be an amateurish nod to an Ice Tea, have their photos taken with
costumes and lighting had just the they were introduced) lived up to underappreciated genre. hot Jagermeister girls (moral panic
right blend of whimsy, theatricality and their collective title. The band – sax, alert!) and party in the Red Bull Flight
realism that exactly complemented the percussion, drums, bass and rhythm Then something amazing happened. lounge. Branson and co. also make
tone of the piece; ditto, the direction. guitar – played a couple of improvised The film took a turn, picking up pace sure this isn’t one of those wanky ‘we
Your verbosity is aptly represented in solos throughout, each as remarkable and suspense and culminating in a need lots of Aussie groups’ shindigs –
the set, the density of the language is as the next. twist that I am not too proud to admit most of the bands are British (better)
alleviated by song and dance routines, I didn’t see coming. Somewhere while the national Battle of The Bands
the intellectual comedy enhanced Singer Emma Pask, spotted by along the way I was forced to allay side-project, ‘Garage to V’, still yields
by delicious costumes and energetic Morrison fronting a high school jazz my pretension and enjoy the plot great results year after year.
slapstick. band 15 years ago, is a husky mezzo- development. The film left me
soprano, fusing the timbre of Ella convinced that arguments about But the best part of V Festival occurs
The actors, too, acquitted themselves Fitzgerald, Madeline Peyroux and small filmmakers being unable to if you’re a Virgin Mobile customer.
with grace. Jonathan Biggins, that Norah Jones. Her musicality is almost compete with Hollywood in this arena This guarantees you access to the
mainstay of Australian comedy for the as outstanding as Morrison’s, and the are completely flawed – audiences Louder Lounge, which is truly a
middle-class, middle-aged-spreaders pair’s onstage chemistry was excellent. don’t need big-budget special effects spectacle in and of itself. To make you
was delightful in the main role of A remarkable cover of ‘Georgia’ and and trickery to connect with horror. look like a million bucks, Tony and
Henry Carr, whose reminiscences ‘Autumn Leaves’ was followed with Indeed, a return to simplicity and Guy Hair, Napoleon Perdis make up
from later years frame the action. Morrison’s musing of a way-back Ray low-budget creativity is perhaps what and professional photographers treat
Toby Schmitz was divine in the role of Charles duet, leaving the audience the genre needs, to avoid the closure average slobs like gods. The drinks are
Dadaist poet Tristan Tzara, even from spellbound. of playing ideas out to their entirety free, as is the backstage barbie and the
my squinty position 6/7ths of the way and instead leaving audiences with real toilets complete with expensive
back. In fact my only other criticism In the second half Morrison delivered a a sense of unease, with something to hand-wash, mints, deodorant and
was that the theatre was rather too string of trumpet and trombone solos, mull over as they lie awake that night. sunscreen. Customer satisfaction
large for the nuanced work the actors a bluesy Fur Elise, and some samba- and unique gimmicks means that
were doing, but that’s the fault of infused Broadway hits. A playful turn The fact that this film made it to the most people here barely notice the
Cate and Andrew. The supporting on the auto-tune keyboard, which screen is an admirable achievement massive set times fuck up, besides,
cast was all excellent, peopled with matched spoken input with notes in and of itself; produced, written, they’re all losing their shit when 90s
James Joyce and Lenin, and a saucy played, provided backup vocals to directed and edited by the same person hero Vanilla Ice actually materialises
librarian. Pask’s lead in a couple of subsequent in a labour of love spanning almost and performs, pretty much because
tunes. three years. The young Cassandra Branson told him to. Even the stage
Australian theatre needs work Kane is outstanding as the film’s lead, branding (‘This’, ‘That’, and ‘Other’)
like this. An exemplar of the most By the inevitable encore, the convincingly panting and looking is kitsch – no stone is left unturned
exceptional literature of modern crowd was enrapt, and so were we. fearful for the film’s entirety. Kane is at what is truly a shining example of
times, it is unashamedly theatre for Morrison is a seasoned (if a little well supported by Kerry Reid as the how to treat your crowd.
intelligent people. The five people daggy) professional, and a superb live deranged mother and Alex Rafalowicz
beside me who left after interval are performer. The coked-up main act of Shine and Look Both Ways fame. It takes a lot to make me feel like I’m
clearly not those people. I’m not going at the Abercrombie could learn a lot Family Demons now travels to the a ten year old at The Easter Show
to claim that I understood everything from him. “Bram Stoker International Film again, but this pretty much takes the
you set out to do, but I appreciated it Festival” in England while trying to cake. So Virgin, if you’re hiring, I’m
all the more because I didn’t. 4/5 find a distributor. I hope for your sake, ready when you are. Just don’t send
and the film’s, that it does. me to the moon; I’m kind of scared of
George Downing heights.
Grandiose Desert Design The Price is Rice
Sriram Srikumar sent us a courier pigeon from Dubai Mark Di Stefano got Thai’d up on King St
Newtown Thai restaurants are the By the time it did come out, my
ultimate example of a neo-liberal friends were impatiently looking at
market system. With an outlet on their watches and counting down
every corner, the price of a substantial the seconds until their next tutorial
Thai meal for lunch has been supplied started, while I looked at what could
and demanded all the way down to $6- only be described as an abomination
6.50. of a dish.
I told my compatriots that I was going
Inherent in this kind of market is the to staunchly protest the service, quality
race-to-the-bottom aspect of open and lingering queasiness of my meal,
and unregulated trade, whereby price and not pay, and that they could not
will continue to drop in response to get away with treating students like
competitive forces. But with this comes communist era field workers shuffling
pressure on restaurateurs to cut costs in and out of a subterranean mess
and keep a high turn over of plates. hall.
In Newtown Thai’s case, this sees But as I got to the counter, and a
low quality meals, students huddled smiling lady asked for our $6, my
What would happen if you gave men centre” is a loose term. One contains around undersized tables and a hand snuck its way into my pocket and
a desert, lots of money and cruelly an indoor ski-ramp and another hosts terribly low level of customer service. plucked out three shiny coins. I paid
cheap manual labour? They’d build an aquarium to rival the world’s best. Expect to be yelled at by young Thai because it was only $6. I paid because I
unnecessarily tall towers, large This includes a glorified fish tank that girls whose neutral expression is one have had some fantastic meals before.
shopping centres and a bloody ski was about two storeys tall and full of of total efficiency and anger. Expect for I paid because I hate those who don’t. I
ramp in the middle of the dessert, sharks, sting-rays (I was patriotic, I 1 in 5 Chicken Pad Thais to be heavy paid because I didn’t fancy myself in a
apparently. If human stubbornness didn’t admire these) and other large on the tofu and sans chicken. Expect to verbal with the King St. Matriarch.
and male ego were a city, it’d be fish. be waiting for over an hour for a meal,
Dubai. whose critical components only need As I stumbled out onto the street,
And it seems people from all over the 86 seconds of searing in an ageing totally dejected at my Thai meal from
I arrived at Dubai on Sunday morning world come to admire. Dubai has one wok. And last week, that is where I hell, I looked right, down King St and
which is the first day of the week here, of the most multi-cultural populations found myself. Waiting 86 minutes for decried capitalism.
Friday (prayers) and Saturday mark I’ve observed: North Africans, Russians a Beef Pad See Eiw at one of the bigger
the weekend. My view of the pleasantly (the ones I saw were definitely mafia), restaurants on King St, Thai La-Ong. There sits now proudly Thai-La-Ong
peaceful desert oasis fell apart pretty Europeans, Chinese, Indians, more 2. Global Financial Crisis?
quickly. The traffic jams are legendary, Indians and, of course, Ay-rabs. Every time I asked for a status update, Welcome to the Newtown Thai Boom.
our taxi driver told us it was so bad Our local guide told me that Dubai I got a half smile of “yes, yes”, and a
that office goers regularly drive into is a honey-pot which surrounding “promise” that it would be out soon.
work at 4AM and sleep in the car, so as businesspeople and celebrities just Femme-Fashion by the 1930s the actress Katherine
to avoid the traffic. can’t resist. Anusha Rutnam Hepburn and director Dorothy
Arzner were gam-ing it up on film
Maybe because of the surrounding For all this exotic spectacle and sets (the former favouring the high-
desert or the large amount of glamour, Dubai definitely lacks waisted paper-bag style that has
construction going on (it was something. There is no sense of recently enjoyed a comeback.)
physically impossible to not look identity or history. The city has been
at a construction crane), the city is built purely for an aesthetic wow Also in the early 20th century
shrouded in a perennial dust cloud. factor. It’s as though you’ve visited suffragettes took to the streets to
Through this mystical haze, you realise (an admittedly impressive) theme demand the vote, their physical
that the city is full of spectacle. The park. Nothing’s quite real. You get and political strides moving in
world’s only 7-star hotel, the world’s the feeling that the city spends much opposition to the binding clothes
tallest tower and the Palm Jumeirah of the time distracting its inhabitants they wore. Photographs from
resort (islands built into the shape of from the fact that they’re in the middle rallies of the time are made all
a palm tree) all live up to the hype. For of a desert. the more poignant by the fact that
those inclined to stay indoors, there the women involved are garbed
are the shopping centres. “Shopping in corsets, ankle length skirts
and gargantuan Edwardian hats.
Indeed the pop-tards who are now
It is a sad truth that ‘feminism’ and sometimes labelled as being part
‘fashion’ are two words seldom of a ‘third-wave’ of feminism, also
uttered in the same sentence. One wear corsets, though they tend to
reason for this regrettable state of favour latex over linen.
affairs might be that the image of the
somewhataestheticallychallenged, Coco Chanel is often credited with
bra-burning Second Wavers being a feminist designer, and it is
is still the go-to in the popular true that her clothes offered women
media whenever ‘Feminism’ is a hitherto unparalleled freedom of
mentioned. Or perhaps to blame movement, and new ideas about
are the many feminists who have femininity in the 1920s. In 1985
condemned the fashion system Vivienne Westwood came at us, like
for a being a teensy-weensy a beam, like a ray, like a buzzard,
bit sexist, suggesting it reduces with her Mini Crini collection. With
women to mere consumer objects. their exaggeratedly curvaceous
Whatever the case, there is in fact silhouettes the clothes were a
a rich sartorial history associated challenge to the heavily shoulder-
with the feminist movement which padded styles that at the time, were
deserves recognition. favoured by women entering the
corporate world. Westwood noted
To the horror of many a Prudy ‘I’ve never thought it powerful to
Rudy, the late 19th century saw the be like a second-rate man’. Damn
appearance of bifurcated garments straight, V-Dubs.
A Time and a Place (i.e. pants) on Western women,
raising many questions about
the relationship between gender
identity and clothing. Although the
‘Yeah, I do have legs, so suck it’ look
would remain taboo for some time,
Sprinting Across Campus Aussie Soccer
SPORT Bronwyn Cowell looks at the sporting talent coming out of USYD. SPORT Antony Faisandier gives the
Sydney Uni has a proud tradition of Uni’s sporting facilities, as well as a that Sydney Uni sport is absolutely A-League the red card.
sporting achievement. Our sports professional strength and conditioning nothing to be sneezed at. Stuart Clarke,
fields and lectures halls alike are service. They get discounts on physio an Australian fast bowler with close to With the creation of the A-League
routinely trod by talented, hard and massage at the Sports Clinic and 100 test wickets, has just started Grad in 2004, football has burst on to the
working sportspeople, many of whom can access the assistance of a sports Law after completing a Masters in Australian sports scene with all the
go on to high profile national and dietician to help them identify just how Commerce. Tom Clarke plays for the enthusiasm of a poor cousin who
international careers. You’ll recognise much they should carbo-load. Waratahs and has an Environmental is now slightly less poor. This has
these future stars when you see them. Science degree up his sleeve (along certainly been an improvement - prior
Well-sculpted, fit and vital, they bear with what one imagines is a fine to the A-league the average attendance
little resemblance to the bleary-eyed, set of biceps). Sarah Stewart won a at top flight domestic football matches
caffeine-inoculated USYD masses. bronze medal in wheelchair basketball was less than 4000 - but that is not to
They also tend to wear backpacks that at the 2008 Olympics and studies say that all is rosy.
helpfully identify them as members of Philosophy at the same time. While
Sydney Uni Sport and Fitness’ Elite most of us can’t manage to stagger Originally I intended to write a
Athlete Program. out of bed for a breathless 20 minute brief history of the A-league, but
jog, these guys juggle a degree with the there are more important questions
This scheme, begun in 1990 and now exhausting training required to be a confronting Australian football. The
supporting roughly 300 students, top-performing athlete. core supporters of the A-League are
offers talented athletes amounts of fanatical - anyone who has seen the
$1,000 - $5,000 to put towards the There isn’t much of a culture of Cove in full song can’t argue with
cost of their degree or their particular supporting our sports teams at uni, that - but its appeal has struggled to
area of sporting endeavour. Students at least not compared to the fanatical expand beyond this group.
can also access scholarships offered by devotion college sport attracts in the
Sydney Uni Sport and Fitness (SUSF) US. That kind of hero-worship might The question is therefore, why do
in conjunction with the various Running late to PHIL2615 be going a little far, but sitting in the the majority of Australian football
residential colleges, to help with the shade beside our main oval, watching fans owe their first allegiance to
big chunks of moolah one has to part You can also forget the dumb jock big sweaty rugby players run around in international clubs? Why is it more
with in order to live on campus. If the stereotype propagated by teen movies the sun isn’t the worst way to spend an common to see an Arsenal jersey than
athlete is super-talented enough to and rugby league press conferences. afternoon. a Sydney FC strip?
make it to big national or international Our cricketers, rowers, runners et al.
competitions, SUSF will help cover have got some serious brains, and the The Elite Athlete Program attracts top
whatever travel costs they can. Elite Athlete Program offers academic talent to our uni and makes sure they
support including tuition and personal don’t stumble under the heavy load of
On top of this sweet cash handout development seminars to make sure study, work and training. Say what you
(Rudd ain’t got nothin’ on SUSF) the their athletes can count on some form will about spending cash on a small
athletes have access to a veritable of earning potential once their knees elite, but after hearing what these guys
smorgasbord of sporting and give out in their early thirties. go through just to get a degree and play
academic support. When it comes to the sport they love, it’s pretty hard not
honing themselves into ever-meaner So who are these people? The to come away very impressed… and
streaks of pure talent, they can take Athlete Guide for 2009, provided to thinking more seriously about going
advantage of free membership to the participants of the Program, proves for that jog.
glorious city of Sydney Council. One Surprisingly, the ‘Carnivale’ theme
aspect of this creative approach was played well to the crowd.
Wesley the extremely late announcement that
the event would be BYO – a strictly As the nightfall enveloped the
Informal v2 unintentional measure and a direct
result of an administrative bungle
college, and the novelty of tipping
iced water over enthusiastic
Look. A ball.
Eugene Julio “The Alligator” whereby the alcohol licence (that bit freshers wore thin, headlining acts
convened on stage. Established The reality is this: football is an
Troutsmith cracks a chilly UDL. of paper someone need to sign) wasn’t international game, and in Australia
actually submitted by the due date. house/electro DJ Hook ‘N’ Sling
was first up, playing an enthralling it is exclusively an international game.
set that had the place pumping. Modern international football offers
Oops. a glimpse at glamour and celebrity
But the best was saved till last with
the artful (get it?) Art vs. Science unrivalled by anything in sporting
Monumental fuck-ups aside, this history. Soccer has been the cause of
proved to be a real selling point for the – indie heroes in their own right
and a great choice for a party such war, as in the famous Football War
evening and did more good than harm. between Honduras and El Salvador in
The College’s bottom line will suffer as this. The band, comprised of ex-
Sydney Uni College kids, took it 1969, and the great conflict resolver.
big time though – “informals” are the It has saved struggling economies and
principal stream of the College’s social right back where they started from
and brought the house down. The united complex populations behind
revenue (read: beer money). Not good one great hope.
in the middle of a GFC. dancefloor erupted and for those
brave enough to convene, a sweaty
and packed mosh was had by all. Australia, however, doesn’t seem to
The crowd enjoying a few quiet ones But back to the party… the somewhat understand this. Domestic football
optimistic opening hour – 3pm Seriously, it got hectic. Wow.
for us is just a winter code, the same
As if Paul’s College Informal wasn’t – was largely ignored (uni and as any other. It has scandals (Aurelio
enough, Wesley College’s Carnivale all) and it wasn’t until 6pm that And what College informal would
be complete without a performer Vidmar is an early frontrunner for
kicked off Wednesday 25 March. partygoers deemed it necessary to best press conference blow up ever),
Wesley have traditionally offered arrive, fashionably late to boot. BWS sculling a beer then thrashing out
a guitar solo – a truly legendary it does north-of-the-border multi-
their annual festival-cum-fundraiser Newtown evidently did their best franchise prostitution just as well as
late in Semester 2 (the cringe-worthy trading day of the year as beers and moment. I want that guy’s babies.
Dare I neglect to mention the the Superleague ever did, and it has,
‘Westock’), but 2009 saw the inclusion tax-avoiding-malt-based-RTD’s were for a time, been run by John O’Neill.
of a paradigm-shifting day/night shipped though the gates and kept inflatable penguins, all three of
them, for making it out there. That’s not glamour football, that’s just
fixture on the college’s front lawn. The chilled by the provided eskies and another version of every other game
novelty factor paid dividends. ice – a crucial provision for any wild we invest our time in – and on that
picnic. Well that’s it from me, Eugene
Julio “The Alligator” Troutsmith. front it just doesn’t have the history
The event earned full marks for and tribalism to ever really take off.
their coy ingenuity under the much- The crowd revelled in the company of Until the next on-campus caper,
maligned licensing restrictions Brazilian mascots, Mardi Gras girls seeyoubye.
handed down by the party-pooper (and boys), Capoeira dancers and
likes of Newtown Police and the some people too cool to dress up at all.
1. Personal best initially dies, broken, on two feet (6)
4. In bed, I’m simply delicious with soy sauce (3, 3)
7. Not a Melbourne afternoon secret paper (1. 1. 1.)
9. Minus two? (5)
10. Ran right between the eyes, 50-50 winning streak (2, 1, 4)
12. You sit on me and can produce me daily? (5)
13. Car collision with enough damage from above (7)
14. Land on a silencing agent, perhaps (6)
15. A nationality buff? (6)
17. Suave doctor with a swollen ape inside (6)
20. Prizes open first signs of damage (6) 25. Belgian city is an idiot
27. One who lives has one? (5)
28. Not an old, cloudy power (7)
29. Even raw logs are basic life forms (5)
30. German day, you’re it? (3)
31. Mr, try a messed up sacrifice (6)
32. This crossword writer man went after the bottom of Greta
1. A road operation? (6)
2. Full of French “yes”? (7)
3. Princess Ovum Luggage primely let it slip (7)
5. Dig the news? (5)
6. Malcolm X not calm, red hot actually (6)
7. Why you couldn’t keep your eyes open if you were completely
8. Light match for good advice? (3, 3)
11. One is in rising lava. Help! (5)
14. Omniscient hound returns (3)
16. He is, without a second, possessive (3)
18. Take the guts out and see (hear) after the beginning and the end
of a race (5) SH
19. Tell someone about the sherry (6)
20. Off & on, girl goes back where liquid gold is found (3, 3)
21. Warns of avenue in a musical (7)
22. Mere rag transformed into a ruby, for example (4, 3)
23. Wine guns? (sic) (6)
24. A ventable organ? (6)
26. “The 14th, the 13th and the 5th,” said your foe (5)
WEEK 4 ANSWERS
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