A Crucial Donation

					SHHHH! (HE’S NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES...)
WEEK 5 EDITION | 1 APRIL 2009




 A Crucial
 Donation
 The use of bodies
 in medical study




CAMPUS NEWS                           MISCELLANY         WACKTIVITIES

USYD’s United                         Reptilian          Competitive
Front                           >05   Humanoids    >10   Beard Growing   >15
                         WEEK 5 EDITION | 1 April, 2009




                                                                                                04                 07
   > Dinuka Gunasekera predicts the downfall of Mac Bank                                                              > Justin Simon and Rose Khalilizadeh battle over
      > Michael Krasovitsky on what could get you arrested                                                            Affirmative Action on Union Board
                                                                                                                   10 > Anna Leacock investigates the alien reptiles that rule
                                                                                                                      the world
                                                                                                05
             > Michael Krasovitsky on an unlikely alliance
  > Alex Lee reports as Theatresports kicks off another season
                                                                                                                   11
                                                                                                                          > Danika Armytage finds out how to mess with genres


                                                                                                                   12
                                                                                                                          > Alex Lee investigates body donations


                                                                                                                   14
                                                                                                                          > David Mack tells you how to direct a shit SUDS play
                                                                                                                          > Will Atkinson investigates competitive beard growing
                                                                                                                          > George Downing brings you National Day of Action
                                                                                                                          Man!

                                                                                                                   20
                                                                                                                          > Anusha Rutnam looks at the fashion in feminism
                                                                                                                          > Mark Di Stefano thinks King St. Thai is killin’ it
                                                                                                                          > Sriram Srikumar from a city in the desert


                                                                                                                   22
                                                                                                                          > Bronwyn Cowell checks out the elite athletes
                                                                                                                          > Anthony Faisandier on the future of Australian
                                                                                                                          soccer




                                                                                                06
                   > Bronwyn Cowell thinks Earth Hour is lame
              > Alison Lee helps you put together an awesome CV




                                                              EDITOR IN CHIEF Katherine Connolly
   EDITORS Will Atkinson, Bronwyn “Chav” Cowell, Mark “Dessert” Di Stefano, George Downing, Giselle Kenny Michael Krasovitsky, Alex Lee, Paul Mackay, Sriram Srikumar
                REPORTERS Danika Armytage, Vivienne Egan, Anthony Faisandier, Anna Leacock, David Mack, Anusha Rutnam, Jonno Seidler, Tim Whelan
                       CONTRIBUTERS Dinuka Gunasekera, Ronan Harrington, Rose Khalilizadeh, Alison Lee, Justin Simon, Eugene Julio Troutsmith
  COVER Paul Mackay GRAPHIC DESIGNER George Downing COMIC Sertan Saral and Patrick Magee CROSSWORD Scott Huntington, PUZZLES Tom Clement, Paul Mackay

                                                    ADVERTISING Publications.manager@src.usyd.edu.au/PO Box 794, Broadway NSW
                                                 PRINTER Marrickville Print and Design, Unite E1, 46-62 Maddox Street, Alexandria, NSW 2015

DISCLAIMER Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney NSW 2006. The SRC’s operation costs, space
and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney. The editors of Honi Soit and the SRC acknowledge the traditional owners of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora nation. Honi Soit is
written, printed and distributed on Aboriginal land. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of student publications: Mike Mackertich, Patrick Wall, Elly Howse and Samuel Moginie. All
expressions are published on the basis that they are not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or
                                                 information contained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions.
A Jab At the                                 spiritual heritage. The way a Muslim
                                             woman dresses in Africa differs to            I’d also like to thank Camilla on two
                                             how a Muslim woman dresses in                 fronts. First off, you helped me decide
Hijab?                                       Malaysia. There is leeway for cultural        on a research area for an upcoming         Choosing interesting features often
Raidah Shah Idil, Arts/Science               expression. Problems arise when               government paper. Second of all,           involves picking issues that are
                                             cultural practices contradict Islamic         you’ve helped me pull my 14-year-          controversial, provoking a number of
Dear Editor,                                 values. For example: A woman                  old-Gossip-Girl-watching cousin back       passionately held and irreconcilable
                                             wearing a form-fitting dress and a            from the precipice of…well becoming        responses. Last week’s feature, Hijabi
As a Muslim woman, I am                      see-through headscarf isn’t in hijab.         a dumbshit. I came home the night          Haute Couture by Arab/Islamic
disappointed by the inaccuracies cited       That’s apologetic fashion designed            I read the article and expressed my        Studies student Camilla Ibrahim
in the article Hijabi Haute Couture.         to kowtow to the Western concept of           enthusiasm to her. Her reply, “Um…         was one such piece. We have heard
This article fails to give an accurate       beauty. The essence of Islam is one           like…what? Hijabideewha?”. After a         criticism of the views expressed in the
representation of the hijab and why          of whole-hearted surrender to God.            little explanation, she (to her credit,    article, at times unreasonable; calling
Muslim women wear it. While there            Muslims don’t adjust Divine Law to            very sincerely) told me that she           it ‘defamatory’ and ‘islamophobic’ and
is a niche for the paradox of hijabi         suit them. We adjust to suit Divine           was happy that these haute couture         at others thoughtful and intelligent;
haute coutre, the majority of Muslims        Law. “We hear, and we obey.” (Quran           fashions were available to Muslim          Raidah’s letter on this page.
reject it. The Prophet Muhammed              2:285) So if the latest fashion trend is      women, “…because I mean, it must
(peace be upon him) did not have any         to wear form-fitting designer clothes         get hot in summer right?”. Shudder.        This edition we continue to grapple
concubines because it is against the         and a see-through headscarf - arguing                                                    with tricky issues; Alex Lee has
teachings of Islam. After Revelation,        that it is hijab as God intended is as                                                   spent weeks tracking down elusive
hijab was obligatory upon all Muslim
women, regardless of social status.
                                             flimsy an excuse as the fabric itself.
                                                                                           Caucusing up a                             interviews with employees of the
                                                                                                                                      USYD medicine department for her
Before God, all believers are equal.         As a Muslim woman, I believe that
                                             my hijab honours me as a woman.               storm                                      feature on the use of dead bodies in
                                                                                                                                      teaching and research in the faculty.
For centuries, the criteria of modest        There is sacredness in preserving my          Tristan Winter, Science III
dress and behaviour Muslim women             femininity from public consumption.                                                      We were committed in January to
as well as men has been extremely            This cannot be appreciated from               Dear Honi,                                 bringing back a Campus News section
clear. In Chapter ‘The Light’, verse 31,     a patronising or Western-centric                                                         in Honi; from an investigation into
God says: “And say to the believing          stance. Happily, not all is lost. The         While I adored non-student Tom             incompetency at the Con to this week’s
women that they should lower their           new wave of young Muslims who are             Robertson’s searingly witty prose in       story on a collaboration between
gaze and guard their modesty; that           returning to their traditional roots          your last issue (just joking), I wanted    the Arab Students Society, Muslim
they should not display their beauty         shows that through reconnecting to            to raise a few issues about the main       Students Society and Australian
and ornaments except what must               a rich spiritual heritage, a deep sense       assumption his piece rested on. That       Union of Jewish Students there has
ordinarily appear therof; that they          of worth and peace is found. A kind of        is, that INDEPENDENT inevitably            been plenty to keep us busy.
should draw their veils over their           serenity that no amount of Prada can          equals GOOD. Of course, in the normal
bosoms and not display their beauty          buy.                                          run of things in our everyday lives,       If you like our articles, please send us
except to their husbands, their fathers,                                                   independence generally conjures up         a letter and if you don’t, send us one
                                                                                           positive ideas of intellectual freedom     too. Either way, we’re glad our work
their husbands’ fathers, their sons,
their husbands’ sons, their brothers…        Another Side                                  or ideological integrity. But a certain    so far has people talking.
And O you Believers, turn you all            Steph NotD’SouzaInCaseMyAuntyRe               trend raises an important issue.
together towards Allah, that you may                                                                                                  Katherine Connolly
attain Bliss.” Despite what liberal          adsThis Economics Social Sciences II          There       is     an    uncomfortable
interpretations of scripture argue,                                                        commonality           among       recent
traditional scholars have agreed on          Salut Honi,                                   “independent” candidates. That is,         memory returned. The words, ‘ohhh
the dress code for Muslim women:                                                           money. You yourself (“hype”), and          shit’ were uttered many times as the
loose clothing which covers the              Writing to say I loved, loved, loved          even more so your predecessors “ink”,      process unfolded. I hope you can find
body, except for the face and hands.         Camilla Ibrahim’s feature, Hijabi             are known to be almost exclusively         it in yourself to forgive me because I
External beauty is hidden to allow for       Haute Couture, in last week’s edition.        graduates of the most expensive            swear I’m not all bad. I could make
more professional and respectful day-        It was one of those rare articles that        private schools in Sydney (while           you a mars bars slice. I’m pretty good
to-day interactions with the wider           made you think – not because the              possibly not *every* one of you, I think   at it. I would use extra mars bars, just
community. Suggesting that we wear           author had recently discovered the            we can all agree that it’s far above the   to show how bad i feel for treating you
it to attract men or incite envy is false.   ‘Shift+F7’ function and left the reader       university average). Doug Thompson,        so callously. Anyway, I’m heading to
Immodest covering is a mistake on            scratching their newly bamboozled             Courtney Tight and Pat Bateman all         Carslaw now. You should come by,
the part of the person, not the faith.       noggin. It was just super interesting         attended similar schools. Andrew           but if I don’t see you, I’ll probably just
                                             – Ibrahim unmasked a fascinating              Coleman’s main election promise was        leave another note explaining more.
There is no Muslim monolith. Culture         industry that is clearly at the heart of      to return his monetary stipend (how
and faith intertwine throughout              so many women’s identities, the arch          will he live!!! *cue parents*).
global Muslim communities – this             nemesis of others’, and a stark contrast                                                             SEND LETTERS &
adds to the richness and beauty of our       to my own. A real eye opener!                 “Factions” that are based around                      CONTRIBUTIONS TO
                                                                                           coherent policy positions give a
                                                                                           platform to people who don’t have                 honi2009@gmail.com
                                                                                           a personal fortune at their disposal
                                              by Mr. Nick Purtell.                         -- the ones who might not have come                  Only submissions with your
                                                                                           from as privileged a background as                     name, year and faculty
                                              Mr. Purtell, editor of Honi Soit, and        you. They have people to campaign for                     will be accepted.
                                              candidate for election as a member of        them based on their beliefs and policy,
                                              the Union Board, responded to allega-        not the connections they gained at
                                              tions of abuse of editorial privileges by    private school or their mad Sydney
 With the final announcement of
 the Union Board candidates for
                                              saying, ‘the full colour centrespread
                                              poster has absolutely nothing to do
                                                                                           Grammar-trained debating skillz.            NOTICE OF
                                                                                           If you’re going to be self-righteous,
 this year’s election on their way,           with the Union elections. It’s just a co-    perhaps first investigate your own          GENERAL MEETING
 From The Vault turned its glance             incidence. I’m a man of honesty and in-      privilege.
 to one of the more colourful elec-           tegrity. I believe wholeheartedly in an                                                  A student general meeting has been called
 toral scandals of last century               impartial media. In this case, of course,
                                                                                           Forgive Me!
                                                                                                                                       for Wednesday 1st April 2009, 1pm, Main
 – quite literally. Nick Purtell, a           I am the impartial media.’                                                               Quadrangle, Room N205. To discuss the
                                                                                                                                       following motion:
 1995 Honi Editor, supported his                                                           Pat Stewart, Science III
 campaign by using an edition’s               Mr Purtell’s accusers were unavailable                                                   1. The USYD SRC publicly condemns
 colour pages to create a lift-out            for comment. The most outspoken                                                          Israels attack on Gaza.
                                                                                           Dear Damana,                                2. The USYD SRC publicly endorses and
 technicolour campaign poster.                accidentally, tragically hung himself
 He surely goes down in elector-              whilst putting out the laundry.                                                          partakes in the BDS movement.
                                                                                 I’m sorry for flooding your house. I                  3. The USYD SRC call on Sydney
 al history as creative, if nothing           The editors of this newspaper con-                                                       University to endorse and partake in the
                                                                                 can’t really remember, but I think
 else. Can any of our candidates              demn and deplore any attempt to con-                                                     BDS Movement.
                                                                                 it happened somewhere between
 rise to the challenge?                       trol the minds of our readers through                                                    4. The USYD SRC endorses Palestine
                                                                                 resting my feet on the drinks bucket                  Solidarity Week.
                                              propaganda. We shall seek such propa-
                                                                                 and sliding across the floor at great                 5. The USYD SRC commits $1000
 Union Candidate in Media Scandal             ganda out and expunge it mercilessly,                                                    annually to fund Palestine Solidarity
                                                                                 speeds. Such insensitive treatment
 ‘I’m innocent’ says Purtell                  if we ever find it. Any of it. Anywhere. I                                               Week, accessible by the Global Solidarity
                                                                                 of your property was quite rude and
                                              tell you, we are really serious about this                                               Officer.
                                                                                 I apologise profusely. Had it occurred                6. The USYD SRC immediately
 By Nick Purtell                              one. It’s the principle of the matter.
                                                                                 to me that there isn’t supposed to be                 issues a press release about this
 SYDNEY UNIVERSITY, Monday: The               Vote 1 Nick Purtell for Union.
                                                                                 water on the ground, I may have done                  meeting and its decisions.
 students of Sydney University were
 shocked to hear accusations of rorting       Published in Honi Soit, Edition 7, something about it, but sadly that                    Authorised by SRC President, 2009.
                                                                                 didn’t happen until a couple of days
 and flagrant misuse of editorial powers      1995
                                                                                 afterwards, around the same that my
                                                                                                                                                                     >03
Honi’s Guide to... MacBank (and the coming
collapse)
Dinuka Gunasekera sees a crumbling cookie
                                           So where does the money                     property prices. (Oh, and having the          After Defence Minister Joel
                                           come from for this massive                  media constantly remind investors             Fitzgibbon apologized for failing
                                           investment?                                 that you’re a millionaire’s factory           to disclose the details of free
                                           It borrows heavily, makes the               doesn’t hurt either)                          trips he took to China, Defence
                                           investments and then sells some of                                                        spokesman       Senator    David
                                           the investments onto their satellite        Thanks to the economic downturn,              Johnston remained concerned
                                           funds, examples of which include            none of those factors now hold true.          about the “exotic” defence
                                           Macquarie Airports and Macquarie            This is why it has lost some 80% of           technologies China is developing.
                                           Infrastructure Group. They then             market capitalisation. There’s worse
                                           charge the satellite funds steep                                                          There are rumours that the
                                                                                       to come. To date the Bank has been
                                           management and performance fees.            remarkably resilient. But remember,           Defence Minister is actually Mao
                                                                                       it has a layer of insulation- the satellite   Zedong in a Joel Fitzgibbon suit,
                                           The toll-roads and airports generally       funds.                                        and has been plotting an Oriental
                                           don’t produce enough of a positive                                                        takeover of the world! Spicy, like
                                           cash flow. The satellite funds make         The funds themselves are listed on the        san choy bow.
                                           most of their profits when the value        market and have their own investors.
                                           of the asset itself increases. They         These investors are increasingly              Al Qaeda leader, Fahad al Ruwaily
                                           don’t sell the assets for a higher price;   unhappy to go along with having their         has returned to Saudi Arabia and
                                           rather they aggressively revalue            capital reserves being milked. Left           surrendered. He told Saudi media,
                                           them on their books. This practice,         with divided shareholders, the funds          “I see now that the holy mission to
                                           known as asset price revaluation, is        will be increasingly unable to find
                                           disallowed in the USA. In turn, the                                                       launch jihad against the western
                                                                                       new investors and be forced to sell off
Down the toilet bowl                       satellites get money to pay dividends       assets to meet cash flow obligations.         world and install fundamentalist
                                           to shareholders by borrowing against        This is when the gap between the value        Islamic rule was actually a bit evil,
To some, Macquarie Bank represents         the “increased value” of their assets- a    on the books and the real value will be       like Mr Bush said! And the war on
Australian excellence in finance and       practice analogous to paying off one        made apparent. Recently, Macquarie            terror, yikes, it’s going really well,
to some it reflects the ideal graduate     mortgage by taking out another after        Infrastructure Group put a toll-road          terrorism is seriously doomed. I had
destination. To most, it represents just   revaluing your house.                       in Britain, one of its biggest assets, up     to throw in the towel on my head.”
one thing - a great investment. Well,                                                  for sale. It is expected to be sold at a
until recently anyway. With share          The satellites allow the Bank to            significant discount to what’s stated         A full inquiry into the war in Iraq
prices collapsing from $97 in 2007 to      outsource a lot of the risk associated      on the books.                                 will be opened after British troops
$16 today, is this the end of the gravy    with the model. The satellites deliver                                                    complete their withdrawal in July.
train or just a temporary lull?            a steady stream of income to the Bank       Macquarie Bank, like Smiths, is the
                                           and take on the risk of having inflated                                                   Britain’s Foreign Secretary, David
                                                                                       original and the best. They are (or
Thirteen years after raising $1.3          asset values. The satellites are a buffer   were) so tasty that they inspired a           Milliband, has stated, “We think
billion, it is managing $228 billion       to protect against a downturn in the        number of copycats in Australia. Most         an inquiry would be a good, since
in infrastructure assets; airports in      commercial property market.                 well known amongst these is Babcock           it seems that maybe it wasn’t
Australia, toll roads in the US and                                                    & Brown. Others include Centro and            an excellent idea, a bit daft, you
shopping centres in China. It is in the    This is no new revelation - everyone        Allco Finance. Notice anything? They          know. Still, we’ve all got to keep
business of investing in infrastructure    knows these risks.                          were all crunched into little pieces in       our peckers up while our troops
projects. Investing aggressively. It                                                   the financial crisis.                         leg it and try not to pop their clogs,
bought a motorway in Chicago for           So, what’s the problem?                                                                   then we can put the kettle on and
a billion dollars more than the next       The model counts on an interrelated                                                       talk the hind legs off a donkey
highest bid.                               series of conditions; banks willing                                                       ‘til it’s sorted.” This has been
                                           to lend, investors willing to buy into
                                           new satellite funds, and increasing                                                       received with some confusion by
                                                                                                                                     the international community.

                                           20-24.                                                                                    Earth Hour will be observed by
                                                                                       Alcohol Offence Consequences                  Australian politicians from both
                                           Clearly, it’s important that we             Blood alcohol concentration of 0.15           sides of the aisle, with many
                                           understand the factors behind car           or above
The Road Rules!                            crashes and road-related fatalities,        Maximum court - imposed fine:
                                                                                       $3,300 (first offence), $5,500 (second
                                                                                                                                     charming the SMH, saying they’d be
                                                                                                                                     enjoying dinner by candlelight. The
                                           however,     in    this    Legislation
 Michael Krasovitsky looks at how          explained, we’re going to focus on the      offence)                                      Minister for Climate Change, Penny
     driving might cost you                other important, but often forgotten        Maximum gaol term: 18 months                  Wong, will be sacked the following
                                           aspect of road warnings: non-fatal          (first), 2 years (second)                     day, since a successful Earth Hour
                                                                                       Minimum disqualification of licence:          pretty much means, “mission
Mum, Dad, I’ve got a confession.           consequences.                               12 months (first), 2 years (second)
It’s been on my mind for a couple of                                                   Maximum disqualification of licence:          accomplished” on the climate
years, and I’ve wanted to tell you, but,   Speeding, drink driving and driving         Unlimited                                     change front.
well, it’s hard. Ok, well here it is. I,   under the influence of drugs are the        Immediate Licence Suspension
um. Ok. I didn’t actually study for my     three offences that most affect young                                                     The Australian Classification
Ls. Or my Ps. Or that other Ps. Yep,       people driving in NSW. Last year            Blood alcohol concentration of 0.08 to        Board’s Website was hacked
I’ve somehow managed to drive, take        for example, 1074 young people in           less than 0.15
                                                                                       Maximum court - imposed fine:                 into last week and the culprits
myself from point A to B, without any      the 17-25 age group were “seriously
                                                                                       $2,200 (first offence), $3,300 (second        replaced the introductory text of
real idea of anything.                     injured” in alcohol-related crashes in
                                           NSW alone. While injury and death are       offence)                                      the Board’s home-page with this:
                                                                                       Maximum gaol term: 9 months (first),          “This site contains information
And I know I’m not alone.                  clearly the most serious consequences       12 months (second)
The road is full of rules, fines,          of drunk driving and speeding, many                                                       about the boards that have
                                                                                       Minimum disqualification of licence:
points and limits. As young drivers,       other consequences are also evident.        6 months (first), 12 months (second)          the right to CONTROL YOUR
it’s especially important that we          Following are two tables detailing          Maximum disqualification of licence:          FREEDOMZ....We are part of
understand these rules, not because        how many demerit points you’ll lose,        Unlimited                                     an ELABORATE DECEPTION
we’re necessarily worse drivers, but       how much you’ll have to pay and,            Immediate Licence Suspension                  from CHINA to CONTROL
because we’ve got less demerit points      potentially, how long you’ll have to                                                      AND SHEEPIFY the NATION,
to lose on our licenses, we often don’t    serve, if you’re caught speeding or         Blood alcohol concentration of 0.05
                                                                                       to less than 0.08 OR Blood alcohol            and therefore must be KILLED
have a spare $243 to give to the RTA       driving under the influence.                                                              WITH LARGE MELONS during
                                                                                       concentration over zero for L, P1 and
and most importantly, an enormous                                                      P2 drivers                                    the PROSECUTION PARTIES
percentage of young people lose their      If injury won’t scare you off drink         Maximum court - imposed fine:
                                           driving or speeding, think about how                                                      IN SEPTEMBER. Come join our
lives on the road.                                                                     $1,100 (first offence), $2,200 (second
                                           many drinks you’ll be missing out on                                                      ALIEN SPACE PARTY.” We don’t
                                                                                       offence)
In 2006, 42% of deaths of men aged         if you’re forced to pay one of these        Maximum gaol term: No possibility of          have to make any jokes about this
15-19 were on the road. For the same       fines.                                      incarceration.                                because it’s awesome on its own.
age group, 29% of young women lost                                                     Minimum disqualification of licence:
their lives on the road. These figures     It’s the DUI convitions that really hurt;   3 months (first), 6 months (second)
                                           here’s what you could be looking at:        Maximum disqualification of licence:
fell only slightly to 36% and 25%
                                                                                       Unlimited for repeat offenders
respectively for young people aged
                                                                                       No Immediate Licence Suspension
>04
Theatresports kicks off another                                                        Muslim, Arab and Jewish Students
season                                                                                 stand together to oppose S.A
Alex Lee sports the scars of lunch at the theatre.                                     Michael Krasovitsky looks at an unlikely alliance
                                           The reason being that we had some
                                           players in the past who just wanted         Leaders of the Sydney University Arab Students Society, Muslim Students
                                           to get onto Manning and when they           Society and Australiasian Union of Jewish Students have united this week
                                           did, they just froze and didn’t know        against a Socialist Alternative-driven motion condemning Israel’s “murderous
                                           what to do. After that they never came      war” on Palestine.
                                           back.
                                                                                       Andrew Coleman, executive member of the SRC, has described the original
                                           “We are both encouraging people             motion as “racist and problematic”. Though the Socialist Alternative has been
                                           to be a bit more patient in terms of        unable to garner support for the motion amongst SRC councillors, a Student
                                           learning the games, being comfortable       General Meeting has been called for April 1st, at which the faction hopes to
                                           at the jams and making sure they will       harness the votes of students.
                                           come back to improve their skills.
                                           The only way they are going to learn        In order for a Student General Meeting to be successful, at least 200 students
                                           is to regularly perform on stage.” says     must express their support for the motion.
                                           Steen.
                                                                                       As Honi reported last week, a number of meetings have taken place between
                                           Part of this new approach is getting
                                           guest teachers in to host “jams”, the        Notice of General Meeting of the Student Body
                                           Theatresports workshops held in the
                                           Holme Building every Wednesday               A General Meeting of the Student Body will be held on Wednesday April
                                           at 3pm. Featuring for the next three         1st 2009 at a venue on the Camperdown campus to discuss the motion
                                           weeks will be Rebecca de Unamuno, a          below:
                                           world champion Theatresports player
                                           and actor in such television programs        Motion:
A sporting sandwich                        as Comedy Inc. Kath and Kim and the          This General Meeting of the Student Body demands:
                                           Chaser’s War on Everything.                  1. The USYD SRC publicly condemns Israels [sic] attack on Gaza
Australia’s longest running improvised
comedy competition has seen a record                                                    2. The USYD SRC publicly endorses and partakes in the BDS (Boycott,
                                           Steen adds, “this is a big opportunity       Disinvestment and Sanctions) movement.
number of new players stepping up to       for anyone to learn more about
perform on Manning Stage in its first                                                   3. The USYD SRC call [sic] on Sydney University to endorse and partake in
                                           themselves as performers and more            the BDS Movement.
weeks back in 2009.                        importantly, take their improv skills        4. The USYD SRC endorses Palestine Solidarity Week.
                                           to a new level. I have no doubt Bec          5. The USYD SRC commits $1000 annually to fund Palestine Solidarity
The co-ordinators of the weekly            will take a shy, quiet, little improviser
competition, Steen Raskopoulos and                                                      Week,	accessible	by	the	Global	Solidarity	Officer.
                                           and turn them into a rocketship. A big       6. The USYD SRC immediately issues a press release about this meeting
Ben Jenkins are taking the opportunity     confident, charismatic rocketship.”
of a new year to make Theatresports                                                     and its decisions.
less daunting for people who are           Jordan McClellan is a second year           members of the Arabic, Muslim and Jewish students associations. These
interested in joining whilst giving        Arts student who has been involved
more experienced players the chance        for one year. He describes starting         groups where each expressed hesitation in supporting a motion that firstly
to improve their improv.                   Theatresports as “like if you spent         they had no input in writing and secondly, which they felt oversimplified and
                                           several weeks watching a really cool        generalised the fundamental issue.
“I think what’s happened in the past       party, and then you get invited to the
with just letting people get on stage      party, and it’s dragon themed. Like I       Honi spoke with Jamel Rathborne, President of the Muslim Students Association
regardless of their skills or confidence   expected fun, and I got super fun.”         at USYD. Jamel stated that he felt the SA motion “generalised” an incredibly
has been a bit of a downfall for us.                                                   complex situation, and further, that it presented “no real arguments”. “We have
                                                                                       more connections to the issue than the Socialist Alternative does,” Jamel stated.
                                                                                       “We tried to take it from the general to the specific, so that it would actually
New Deputy VC for Sydney Uni                                                           mean something to students”.
Giselle Kenny promotes her way to the top.                                             Amani Frijat, President of the Arab Students Association at USYD expressed
                                                                                       many of the same opinions as Jamel, citing “a hateful tone” and arguments that
                                           demonstrated a strong commitment to         were “too general and meaningless” as her greatest criticisms of the motion. “We
                                           social sciences and inter-disciplinary      deserve a greater role in our own fight”, Amani told Honi. “We see blame on both
                                           study with the establishment of a           sides, and the motion should reflect this”.
                                           new school of social and political
                                           sciences and the introduction of the        Jewish students have responded positively to the counter-motion. “It shows
                                           Bachelor of Liberal Arts and Sciences.      that there is great understanding among the students at Sydney,” said Michael.
                                           Professor Garton also was awarded the
                                           Centenary Medal in 2003 for services
                                           to Australian history, holds a personal      We, the representatives of the Sydney University Arab Students
                                           Chair in History, and is a prolific and      Association, Sydney University Muslim Students Association and the
                                           successful author on a variety of topics,    Australasian Union of Jewish Students:
                                           such as insanity, crime, eugenics, war,
                                           and social policy.                           a)     strongly oppose the motion under consideration;
                                                                                        b)     are concerned with the intent, generalisations and wording of
                                           As Dean, Professor Garton also served               numerous clauses in the motion and;
                                           on the Macquarie Dictionary Word of          c)	    are	currently	in	the	process	of	drafting	a	unified	alternative	motion	
                                           the Year panel for 2007 which selected              that aims to address the issue itself and the concerns raised
                                           ‘pod slurping’ (the downloading of
                                           large quantities of data to a memory         We, in our respective capacities, believe that we are better placed to
The Silver Fox                             stick). At the time this was announced,      address the concerns of all parties involved.
                                           the selection panel noted that the
Professor Stephen Garton, current          expression’s inventive and sensuous          We therefore urge all students present to oppose the motion, in the
Dean of the Faculty of Arts, has been      appeal had seduced them.” Honi has           knowledge	that	we	reject	the	motion	and	will	be	proposing	a	unified	
appointed Provost and Deputy Vice-         no doubt Professor Garton will apply         alternative.
Chancellor of the University of Sydney     the same verve and enthusiasm to his
and will assume the position in July       new role as Provost and Deputy Vice-         Signed 23/03/2009
this year.                                 Chancellor.
Vice-Chancellor Dr Michael Spence                                                      “This is a measured, educated and thoughtful response to a problem which has
                                           The Provost is primarily responsible        continued to surface”.
announced the appointment last             for the academic performance of the
week, following a rigorous national        University, the senior manager of the
and international search.                                                              This week marks Palestinian Solidarity Week, a period which has, in the past,
                                           sixteen Faculty Deans, the academic         divided students into those who are “for” or “against” Palestine. This new motion
                                           budgets and the University Librarian.       shows that perhaps it’s time to blur these boundaries and make cooperation the
Dr Spence praised Professor Garton for     There have been no announcements
the “exceptional strategic leadership”                                                 goal of student activism.
                                           as to Professor Garton’s replacement,
he has displayed during his eight-year     nor as to who will be Acting Dean until
term as Dean of the Faculty of Arts,       a permanent replacement is found.
during which time Professor Garton                                                                                                                      >05
                                             Pick me! Pick me!
                                             CAREERS Alison Lee, qualified careers advisor, helps with your CV
Brazilian President, Luiz Inacio Lula da
Silva has worked out the true cause of       Your curriculum vitae is a summary             examples of how you successfully
                                             of your hard slog of 20 odd years of           used them at school, university, in the
the global financial crisis. Standing
                                             school, university, casual jobs and            workplace or wider community.
with British Prime Minister, Gordon          your life outside of work and study.
Brown, da Silva blamed“white people                                                                                                     My enduring impressions of
                                             It will be scanned for 30 seconds, if          Are you an all-rounder? Involved            ARHT1001 are that my tutor was
with blue eyes.” Brown is white, but         you’re lucky, by a critical employer           in extra-curricular activities ie
brown-eyed, so only half responsible.        who is making a short list of possibly         environmental, sports, arts, debating,
                                                                                                                                        cute in a Seth Cohen, glasses-
Aryans worldwide have denied                 hundreds of applicants for internships         public-speaking,          volunteering,     wearing kind of way and that
culpability, though did point out they       or graduate positions. Worse still, it         community? No? “Hmm..” thinks the           Romanesque        churches       were
are the super race.                          could be scanned first by a software           employer.. “one-dimensional nerd            generally less awesome than those
                                             program seeking key words. The                 with maybe the brains but not well-         built in the Gothic style. In addition
Japanese Prime Minister Taro Aso             quality and content of these three to          rounded and could lack people skills..”     to that, however, the course
briefly forgot that his government           four A4 pages can open the door to             So, this is a wake-up call if you’re not    distinguished itself by running the
                                             an interview or slam the door shut.            involved. These activities are highly       best tutorial I’ve ever been to – a
was trying to stimulate investment
                                             So, you owe it to yourself to develop a        valued by recruiters of graduates.          visit to the Art Gallery of NSW.
in stocks, when he described                 kick-ass resume that hits the short list
stock brokers as “shady” and “not            and not the recycle bin. Some tips….           Talk yourself up with action words.
trusted.” These comments were                                                                                                           Hardly earth shattering, I know,
                                                                                            When giving examples of tasks or
made in front of the president of one        A consistent layout with good use of           achievements start with verbs such
                                                                                                                                        to have an art history class toddle
of Japan’s leading trading firms.            white space, bold for headings, bullet         as, planned, organised, analysed,           off the state’s largest gallery. But
Afterwards government official               points, page numbers and footers will          researched, promoted, implemented,          to have your tutor there, talking
commented later off the record,              show you are organized, detail-minded          negotiated, supervised etc.                 you through room after room of
“What? Everyone is thinking it.              and take pride in your work. Don’t use                                                     works that are a bit samey and
Plus, Taro has previously publicly           a stupid email address.                        What else makes you stand out from          boring at first glance, was fantastic.
insulted teachers, old people and                                                           the crowd? Don’t underestimate              Particular signs and allusions are
                                             Perfect grammar, spelling and use of           the importance of skills like a 2nd         everywhere in these works and are
Alzheimer sufferers - at least stock
                                             capitals are vital. Hey, it might just be      language,     computer       technology,    easily missed. Once we were told
brokers are actually shit people.”           a typo but with many recruiters, its one       technical skills, ability to use specific   they were there, the narrative of
                                             strike and you’re out if they see “liased,     machinery or equipment, web or              the work and the comment it was
Gaffeman favourite, 72 year-old Italian      business manger” or “there staff.”             graphic design, ability to produce
Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has         Don’t just rely on spell check; print off,     media releases, newsletters etc. List
                                                                                                                                        trying to make became that much
admitted he thinks Barack Obama              read every word aloud then hand over           awards or certificates such as First        clearer and more interesting.
is a smoking hottie. Berlusconi              to a fresh pair of eagle eyes.                 Aid, OH&S or Life-saving. If you were       Admittedly it didn’t help that art
responded to a journalist who noted                                                         promoted, supervised others, trained        history subjects seem to attract a
the two leaders were dealing with            Target your CV! To the job and to              new staff, coordinated or planned an        particular kind of first year wanker,
the economic crisis with, “I’m paler,        the company. Scrutinise the job ad,            event give yourself credit for it in your   but most of us just switched off
because it’s been so long since I’ve         selection criteria, company website            CV.                                         a little when those kids opened
                                             and check out employer profiles at                                                         their mouths to ask yet another
been in the sun,” adding, “He is more
                                             www.unigrad.com.au Determine the               Written a great CV? You now have            overwrought question.
handsome, younger and taller.” Gosh          type of person and skills they want,           your script for The Interview. Learn
Silvio, Gaffeman doesn’t think Barack        the clients they have and the culture          your lines. It’s so much easier to talk
swings that way, but it’s cool that you                                                                                                 The works adorning the walls of
                                             and values of their organisation. Then         about who you are and what you’ve
haven’t even noticed he’s black.             unashamedly tailor your CV so it               done when you are aware of your skills
                                                                                                                                        the AGNSW are wonderful. The
                                             addresses their needs.                         and achievements and know what they         excursion made us all realise that
                                                                                            want to hear. One last tip. Expecting a     history plays host to centuries of
                                             “Soft” or “employability” skills such          call from a potential employer? Listen      amazingly talented people, who
                                             as teamwork, leadership, initiative,           to your voice-mail message!                 put great thought and many hours
                                             communication,         problem-solving,                                                    into producing wonderful work
                                             planning and organising ability,               More info? Examples of resumes, cover       only to vanish quietly into only the
                                             willingness to learn, self-management,         letters, tips on electronic resumes,        most secluded areas the artistic
                                             enthusiasm and cultural awareness are          resume templates, resume builders or        past.
        Arriverdeci Gaffeman                 vital to every organisation. Prove you         wizards can be found at www.careers.
                                             have these skills and qualities by giving      usyd.edu.au                                 It was also interesting to realise
                                                                                                                                        that artists that were in vogue
                                                                                                                                        during particular time periods
                                           the question of energy efficiency and          wrong. Energy use year-round hasn’t           are now all but forgotten, while
                                           economy for an hour a year. It’s part          been reduced by the proportion you’d          those artists who were scorned
                                           of this incredibly irritating movement         expect if people were treating every
                                                                                                                                        by the public and collectors alike
                                           that says we can all tweak our                 hour as Earth Hour.
  Earth Power                              consumption just a little bit, and call
                                           ourselves enviro-friendly.                     The same thing bugs me about the
                                                                                                                                        are now those who we revere as
                                                                                                                                        masters. Apparently, gunning for
  Bronwyn Cowell etched this                                                              ‘green’ editions most magazines and           the underdog is always a good call
  into stone during Earth hour             Tom Friedman, the NY Times’ Foreign            periodicals put out these days, full          in the art world.
                                           Affairs editor and author of “The              of 100% organic cotton, free trade
                                           World is Flat” shares my scepticism.           T-shirts for the low, low price of $70.       One of the best things about the
  This past week, the welcome page         In a recent lecture, responding to the         Here’s an idea – don’t buy another            tutorial was that once it was over,
  of the USYD website announced            trend of conscientious consumption,            t-shirt! You probably don’t need it!
  that on Saturday night, the uni                                                                                                       you were more than free to hang
                                           he noted that he is suspicious of a            Nor do you need that 300-page glossy          around and amuse yourself in the
  would be turning off “all non-           revolution where nobody gets hurt. In          magazine!
  essential lighting” for Earth Hour                                                                                                    rest of the Gallery. I did so, blissfully
                                           this context, that means a revolution                                                        forgetful of my other classes back at
  – which begs the question, why is        where nobody has to sacrifice anything         Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying
  such lighting on normally? When          much and where we can live our lives           I’m some paragon of asceticism.               uni. The Gallery helpfully provides
  the CBD alone saves megawatts            mostly unchanged.                              I consume each and every day,                 low, comfy leather benches to sit on
  upon megawatts of energy each                                                           with some gusto. But I don’t do so            and gaze about, looking at works
  Earth Hour, one is moved to ask          Turning off your unused lights                 labouring under the illusion that             from a distance. I’m by no means
  why someone doesn’t switch those         shouldn’t be trumpeted as some big             my consumption is actually helping            an art aficionado but there are few
  lights off every evening when they       gesture of love towards the earth –            the earth. So yeh guys, turn off your         places more relaxing than a nearly-
  leave the office.                        to frame it as such stops it being an          lights. Stop eating so much packaged          empty gallery, and the best thing
                                           everyday thing that people do just             food, and try to catch public transport       was that given the course I was
  The existence of Earth Hour is           because. Maybe you want to argue that          more. If it is bothersome and time-
  a convenient, hassle free way to                                                                                                      doing, wasting hours in the Gallery
                                           individuals and businesses do actually         consuming, that’s good, because there         fell neatly into that time honoured
  do something that is good for            adopt such energy-saving behaviour             truly never was a revolution where no
  the environment in a restricted                                                                                                       category of Fake Work.
                                           for the rest of the year, but you’d be         one got hurt.
  sense, but it also means that the                                                          HAVE YOU GOT BEEF?
  public at large only engages with                                                                                                     Bronwyn Cowell
                                                                                             Email honi2009@gmail.com


  >06
                                Affirmative Action on Union Board
The case for...                            once elected, better leaders. It’s not     The case against...                         “would never happen”. Yet in 2007,
Rose Khalilizadeh, Immediate Past          easy trying to tackle this assumption as   Justin Simon, Union Board Member            when the AA quota was three, only
Union President                            a woman. It’s not easy conveying your                                                  three valid nominations were received
                                           passion for the Union to a lecture of                                                  from women, leading to all three being
                                           300 people while the boofy guys next                                                   elected without default and without a
                                           to you can simply wear cowboy hats                                                     campaign.
                                           and get votes for a candidate that isn’t
                                           even there. It’s not easy postering for                                                This means that all three missed out
                                           your campaign when people graffiti                                                     on the opportunity to get their message
                                           them with boob jokes.                                                                  out, and that instead the campaign was
                                                                                                                                  dominated by blokes in speedos with
                                           That’s why affirmative action (AA)                                                     megaphones and some arsehole who
                                           is necessary for the advancement                                                       bought a gigantic foam beer suit off
                                           of women’s representation and                                                          the Internet. Female representation is
                                           leadership. For those who say that AA                                                  about far more than just having an equal
The Union was always a boys’ club. It      detracts from women getting elected on                                                 number of men and women on board.
started off as a bunch of male debaters,   their own merits: if a system without AA                                               It’s also about making all students feel
waxing lyrical until the wee hours over    was truly merit-based, women would         Affirmative action (AA) is the blue shell   adequately represented, rather than
port and cigars. Even when women           not be so grossly under-represented.       of society. While well intentioned, it      having everyone feel cheated.
started getting involved, they had         If it was merit-based, women would be      knocks out the true leaders among us
to start their own organisation - the      on boards, in governments and leaders      by deferring to arbitrary demographic       Finally, while historically there has been
Women’s Union. The main Union              of countries. But they’re not. They        factors rather than actual talent. This     a small deficit of women on board, they
was always for men and, when they          continue to be left behind for reasons     is particularly relevant at Sydney Uni,     have also been overrepresented on the
amalgamated in the 1970s, they did         that are far from related to merit and     where 58% of the students are women,        Executive, where the real differences are
not combine on equal footing. It’s not     only through affirmative action can the    every single one of whom is more than       made. This goes to show that we have
just a problem within the Union. Even      playing field be just slightly leveled.    capable of deciding who is best to          always had many talented women on
though women make up over 50% of                                                      represent them.                             board, and I don’t believe a single one of
Australia’s population, they currently     AA is by no means the final solution.                                                  them needed AA to make a difference.
hold only 8.3% of board directorships      I look forward to the day when we do       When the AA amendment was put to
of our publicly listed companies.          not need such measures to ensure           the Union AGM in 2005, most reasons
Even within this university, there is      that women are given a fair chance         in favour of it revolved around the idea
a shortage of women in leadership          in leadership. But for now, AA is          that it would break down barriers and
positions, particularly at senior          imperative to giving women fair            encourage more women to run for
management level.                          access to opportunity and encouraging      Union. When questions were raised
                                           women to run for board, to get on the      about what should be done if the
This engenders the assumption that         board and to do great things for the       quota of nominations was not met,
men are somehow more electable and,        students at this university.               this was dismissed as something that




                                                                                                                                                          >07
                                                                                         for not being involved today… You
                                                                                         guys are doing nothing for education
                                                                                         rights and you are a bunch of highly
                                                                                         critical turncoats.”*
                                                                                                                                     This week marks Palestinian
                                                                                         As the NLS crowd rode their prize           Solidarity Week, an important
                                                                                         horse to oratorical victory, Noah           opportunity for Palestinian and non-
                                                                                         White had had enough and tried to get       Palestinian students to show their
                                                                                         Alma off the stage. When he reached
                                                                                                                                     support for a two-state solution and
                                                                                         out and touched Alma’s arm, he got a
                                                                                         right ol, “don’t touch me Noah”, which      to express solidarity with Palestine.
                                                                                         resulted in either Noah’s confidence        It is an important week, one whose
                                                                                         or his hand melting.                        message is essentially of peace and
                                                                                                                                     understanding.
                                                                                         Following the exchange, new kid on
                                                                                         the block and SUDS firebrand, Matt          In the past however, it has been a
                                                                                         McGirr, ignited the crowd with his          signpost for overt and unnecessary
                                                                                         articulate and engaging tirade against      protest and even violent outbursts
                                                                                         the Socialist Alternative.                  on Jewish students. Two years ago,
                                                                                                                                     some Jewish students decided not to
                                                                                         *As Honi readers would know, the
                                                                                                                                     attend university for a whole week
                                                                                         Socialist Alternative did not participate
                                                                                         in the NDA due to claims that the SRC       as the sight of people dressed in
                                                                                         was not comprehensively criticizing         Palestinian militia uniform became
                                                                                         the Labour government’s education           too confronting.
                                                                                         legislation.
                                                                                                                                     In the same year, there were

Actually not a bad drawing - at least he’s got some chalk skills                         The Tom Green                               targeted bashings of Jews. It has
                                                                                                                                     thus been a week frayed with
                                                                                         Experience                                  hostility and resentment and one
                                                                                                                                     which the Australasian Union of
More smutty                                  Arking up at Noah                           When an Honi source asked Tom               Jewish Students (AUJS) finds deeply
                                                                                                                                     troubling.
                                                                                         Green of the WHIGS if he was running
WHIGS                                        An awkward moment occurred during           for Union Board they received a very
                                             the 30 minute rant off, when Noah in-       odd response. Green is apparently           Not only is the world becoming
The prospective candidate for the                                                        too busy putting his ticket together        increasingly hostile towards Jews,
WHIGS, Christopher Ho has posted             troduced “your SRC Education Officer
                                             Elly Howse”.                                for this September’s SRC election. He       but a growing anti-Semitism is clear
this fine piece of chalk drawing on                                                      plans to run a ticket called “The Tom       on campus. Many Jewish students
the WHIGS Facebook group. In                                                             Green Experience” featuring only
another photograph posted by Ho, the         As she took to the ‘stage’, her first                                                   feel unsafe on campus, and while
                                             words were to irately correct her Presi-    candidates named Tom Green. He has
‘HUMP’ sign on Manning wrote had                                                                                                     the vast majority of students are
                                             dent and his mini-gaffe.                    so far found 3 prospective members.
been added to so that it read ‘I HUMP                                                    who fill his requirements.                  understanding, certain groups
WHIGS’; ingenious. Honi suspects                                                                                                     continue to espouse anti-Semitic
that this May’s election will once again     “I am not the only Education Officer,                                                   sentiment.
see the WHIGS bringing the lowbrow           Noah, the other is Rosie Ryan over
to student politics.                         there. She is the tall blonde one,” Ms
                                             Howse yelled, gesturing for Ryan to                                                     At the inception of Palestinian
                                             stick up her hand. Although largely                                                     Solidarity Week , AUJS calls on all
Honi has                                     ignored by the less hackneyed in the
                                             audience, Honi noticed NLS alumni
                                                                                                                                     Jewish students to get involved
                                                                                                                                     in eliminating anti-Semitism on
a deep throat                                wince at the correction.                                                                campus! Let us have a voice and let
                                                                                                                                     us match the choir of anti-Zionist
Apparently our coverage of the in-           However, the crowd were then treated                                                    and anti-Semitic voices on campus!
fighting and spectacular management          to 6 minutes of entertaining and                                                        If you are a Jew and you have ever
misunderstandings about the condi-           passionate oratory from Ms Howse,                                                       felt marginalised on campus, or
tions for defamation at the Union’s          leading to us to ask: is she the next NLS                                               even of you feel like its time you got
marketing and communications office
(producers of The Bull) in a past edition
                                             candidate for SRC President? We hope
                                             so, because her charismatic and engag-
                                                                                         Union Board                                 involved, please let us know! We
has raised a couple of eyebrows and          ing personality is a breath of fresh air    Election Watch                              must answer the continuing echoes
                                                                                                                                     of intolerance present at USYD.
instigated a departmental hunt for the       within these stale SRC offices.
source of the leak, according to parties                                                 Last Tuesday, the Union held a
involved with the production of the          We here at Honi have been hearing           candiates information evening and           On Monday, SARAH (Students
magazine. Honi promises our readers          about rising discontent within the          Honi made sure to find out who picked       Against Racism and Hatred), an
that we’ll keep our lips sealed on the       once formidable faction, and Ms             up application forms afterwards.            initiative created by AUJS, NUS and
identity of the snitch.                      Howse’s defiant tone only deepens our                                                   other organisations was launched.
                                             suspicions of NLS disunity.                 Scott Brownless                             SARAH is a pluralistic anti-
While the Mill is happy to continue                                                                                                  discrimination aimed at combating
causing a ruckus, we’re more keen            Alma at odds again                          Tom Lee                                     all forms of discrimination on
for The Bull to be given the support                                                                                                 Australian campuses. If you are
from the Union necessary to ensure           Perhaps the most ‘active’ moment            Michael Buckland
                                             of the day came when Socialist                                                          interested in getting involved,
that it not only stays afloat, but retains
its identity as a student magazine, by       Alternative and Rumour Mill regular,        Michael Falk                                please contact AUJS.
students and for students – not merely       Alma Torkalovic, tried to interrupt
as a marketing exercise by middle-           Elly Howse by invading the stage            Jonathon Ribot                              Palestinian Solidarity Week should
managers.                                    and commanding she rip up her ALP                                                       be respected as a legitimate
                                             membership card.                            Christopher Ho                              attempt to express solidarity with
                                                                                                                                     Palestine. At the same time, it
National Day of                              The two titans of the left out-shouted      Elizabeth Watt                              must be conducted ethically and
In-Action                                    each other for the audience’s attention,
                                             with Alma’s favorite lines including:       Mel Brooks
                                                                                                                                     respectfully, to avoid alienating
                                                                                                                                     those groups on Campus, such as
As the blue shirts of the SRC herded                                                                                                 Jewish students, who have been
                                             “Elly, if you really want to change         Jessica Priebee
reticent students to Fisher last             education then leave the Labor                                                          confronted with violence in the
Wednesday, Honi was on the ground            Party!”                                     Peter Seith                                 past.
ready for some action to ignite a rela-      and..
tively placid student protest.               “This whole day is nothing more than        Matt Sweeney                                David Krasovitsky
Although numbers were not officially         a Labor Party caucus, and an NLS
counted, we estimate that 200 people         hackfest!”                                  Justin Simon
stood in the blaring sun as Noah White
struggled to control wavering interest       While Elly’s fiery rhetoric included:       Andrew Coleman
and a rogue sound system.                    “SHAME on the Socialist Alternative
                                                                                         David Mann
>08
                                                                            Diary of Dr. Seuss
                                                                            Tim Whelan is feelin’ like Seuss on Darjeeling
                                                                          Whilst normally calm, I’ve been
                                                                          troubled of late;                      Still, it grates deeply when even the
          HACKER, AUSTRALIAN CLAS-                                        The morals of kids have been left at   best
          S I F I CAT I O N B OA R D W E B S I T E                        the gate!                              Educational shows, and Hi-5, no less
                                                                          Where once reigned Roald Dahl, and Who once taught our children with
          This site contains informa-                                     Mem Fox, and me,                       all the right trappings
          tion about the boards that have                                 There’s Bratz dolls, and K-Zone, and   But now just show bimbos; good for
                                                                          ‘My Sweet 16’.                         nothing but fapping.
          the right to CONTROL YOUR
          FREEDOMZ... We must be                                          Now we ‘let kids be kids’, and my       But indignity, typically, doesn’t stop
                                                                          word it’s a scam -                      there -
          KILLED WITH LARGE MEL-                                          Now they refuse to eat Green Eggs       Now the Cat in the Hat needs a film-
          ONS... Come join our ALIEN                                      and Ham,                                goer’s stare!
                                                                          They dismiss the proud Grinch in a      Mike Myers gets cast with a shit-
          SPACE PARTY.                                                    manner coquettish,                      eating grin,
                                                                          And they think Hop on Pop’s a Tas-      Just to get my stuff read over pop
                                                                          manian fetish.                          culture’s din.

                                                                          There was once a time when my           Well, I’ve had enough; for I’m sick of
                                                                          books were the rage,                    this pain
                                                                          And troublesome youths copped a         If I ran this circus; I’d bring back the
                                                                          stint in a cage.                        cane
                                                                          A time since long past; now they lie    The eighteen year olds would do
                                                                          and they cheat                          National Service,
Vox Pops!                                                                 And to think that I saw it on Mul-
                                                                          berry Street!
                                                                                                                  With daily Seuss readings to instill
                                                                                                                  them with purpose.
Katherine Connolly has a midday beer at Manning...
                                                                           I fought and I wrote for impression-   Society’s gone; it’s lucky I’m dead
QUESTIONS:                                                                able minds,                             The Cat in the Hat’d be compulsorily
                                                                          To live and revel in more innocent      read!
1. Should you be in class right now?                                      times.                                  If I was the Fuhrer, I’d make sure of
2. How many beers have you had here this week?                            Though, granted, I did write when       adherence
3. Shag/Marry/Kill – Wentworth, Manning and Hermann’s?                    morals were set,                        Though I’d dress as the Grinch to
                                                                          And ‘Women’s Lib’ used to mean          keep up an appearance.
Pat                                   Alex                                ‘loosen up your corset’.
Arts II                               Media/Communications II             Hans                                      Alex
                                                                          Med/Science II                            Architecture I




1. No, but I missed one this                                              1. Yes, I’m supposed to be in
                                      1. No, but I missed one yesterday   Nuclear Biophysics                        1. No, I haven’t missed any class
morning.                              2. FourMonday, three on Tues-
2. About 20                                                               2. I don’t drink                          this yet.
                                      day and about nine on Wednes-       3. Marry Hermann’s; I can’t get           2. Around 5
3. Kill Wentworth; it’s an archi-     day one today, so seventeen.
tectural boner reduction, marry                                           anything better, kill manning;            3. Marry wentworth, shag
                                      3. Kill Hermann’s; its pretty       I hate the trendoids that hang            manning because it get rowdy
Hermann’s; you could cheat on         much a dive bar, shag Manning;
it and no one would care and                                              out there, shag Wentworth; it’s           and kill Hermann’s because no
                                      she would pleasure you well and     where I buy my labcoats.                  one goes there.
shag manning; it would be a           marry Wentworth; she’d hold
sexy orgy                             you close at night.




                                                                                                                                             >09
Changing the world with the luck of the Irish
Ronan Harrington ark’s up.                                                             the possibilities are endless.             strategising Arkº’s future, and the
                                                                                                                                  only thing we could accurately foresee
                                                                                       I immediately sent him an email telling    is that Arkº is in its infancy, will be
                                                                                       him about my background and offering       entirely defined by the people who
                                                                                       to volunteer in whatever way I could.      bring to it their creative energy. I
                                                                                       What started as a simple offer turned      know a lot a companies try to portray
                                                                                       into a whirlwind correspondence full       themselves as a small family with the
                                                                                       of ideas, dreams and plans of action,      nauseatingly familiar ‘come join us!’,
                                                                                       eventually resulting in me writing         but in Arkº’s case, it’s nothing but
                                                                                       a twenty page brief for him called         true, since it can’t actually be any other
                                                                                       ‘Taking Arkº Global’. On the strength      way. Those who take Ark° forward
                                                                                       of this he decided to come down to         from the start will be those who are
                                                                                       Dublin and penciled me in for a one        rewarded when it gets big. Simple as
                                                                                       o’clock meeting in the Long Stone Pub.     that. We’re going global and it starts
                                                                                       Nine hours later we got up from the        right here. Every position is open for
                                                                                       table. Three days later I get an email     someone looking for a unique place to
                                                                                       from him asking me to be co-Director       work.
                                                                                       of the company.
                                                                                                                                  So that’s it, I suppose. I’ve a degree
                                                                                       At 9am tomorrow, I plan to tell my         in Psychology, and wore Vans three
                                                                                       boss that I will be quitting the Irish     months after everyone else, to be sure
                                                                                       Department of Foreign Affairs. It’s a      they were cool, and now I’m running a
Paddy forgot why he bought these flowers                                               weird thing to do ‘in these recessionary   clothing company.
                                                                                       times’, particularly when it’s a great
About three or four weeks ago, I read       destroying college application.            job with a decent wage that affords        Visit www.arkchangeyourworld.com,
an interview in the Irish Times with a                                                 a comfortable Dublin lifestyle, not to     buy a polo to wear now and then, and
young entrepreneur from Belfast who         The concept immediately caught my          mention that working on the Lisbon         start your own revolution.
is doing things differently. His name       eye - when you wear the Ark° logo, you     Treaty for the DFA doesn’t look too
is Cameron Stewart. His goal is to          perform one Act of Random Kindness.        bad on a CV. I’ll more than likely have    Ronan     Harrington     was   a
make a million before he turns 20…          Buy someone a coffee, surprise you         to forgo a nice reference for breaking     psychology student at NUI Galway,
and then give it all away.                  roommate with their favourite meal,        my contract. Having said all that, big     graduating top of the 2008 class.
                                            help a drunk home. Kindness is the         things have been happening, so I’ve        He can be contacted at ronan@
He has founded Ark°, short for ‘Acts        starting point, it’s up to you how you     decided to take a leap and trust it will   arkchangeyourworld.com
of Random Kindness’, a clothing             Ark° on it. All proceeds from sales        work out.
company with a purpose other than           go straight back into organizing
profit. My roommate sent me the             creative events that spread the feel       I’ve spent the last 72 hours cooped
article as I was finishing another soul     good factor. Spontaneous free gigs,        up in my apartment with Cameron
                                            handing out chocolate in traffic jams,

Reptilian Humanoids; Just Another Conspiracy Theory?
Anna Leacock wonders if Godzira is more than just a scary monster
                                                                                       foreigners, among them Bill and            absurd theory involving aliens and
                                            In previous lives, Icke was a goalie       Hillary Clinton, the Rothschilds,          child sacrifice promotes the one value
                                            for Coventry City and a Green              Mikhael Gorbachev, Kissinger, and          which is most likely to make our lives
                                            Party spokesman (until the Greens          confusingly, the powerless Queen           fulfilling.
                                            enthusiastically kicked him out when       Elizabeth II.
                                            he started spouting his Lizard theory in                                              Not that I’m saying we all need to dig
                                            public). Now an accused anti-Semitic       Inexplicably, the theory has attracted     out our hemp underwear and watch
                                            and author of eleven exceptionally         followers who do not solely live in        the nauseating Cher video on the
                                            profitable, theory-spouting books,         troglodyte caves and wear hemp             Icke website. The overwhelmingly
                                            Icke devotes his time to wildly popular    underwear. Many of his lectures to         contemptuous response to the alien
                                            world lecture tours.                       spread the reptile word are attended       theory just made this reporter consider
                                                                                       by audiences of over 2500. In 1999,        the irony of sneering at Icke devotees
                                            So what do the reptiles do?                the director of the organisation           when one’s own main activity is
                                                                                       ‘Parents Against Ritual Abuse’             desperately trying to gain the approval
                                            Ambitious little suckers, they             reported 12 clients had claimed they’d     of others through intimidating them
                                            control humanity through fear and          seen abusers turn into reptiles. At the    with perceived intelligence.
                                            negative emotions by creating global,      University of Toronto, he received
I approve                                   protracted conflicts. Check out Icke’s     a standing ovation after a four hour       Not that David Icke is any better,
                                            website on how the Rothschild alien        speech explaining his theory. Over         generating flourishing paranoia
We all secretly love conspiracy             race set up the Gaza conflict.                                                        and fear among his followers and
                                                                                       30 000 prints of his newest book The
theories. Maybe because of their                                                                                                  simultaneously       promising     their
                                                                                       Biggest Secret were sold in the first
bizarre inventiveness, maybe to have        According to Icke, Reptiles control                                                   devoted efforts will expunge that
                                                                                       two months.
a party chortle at the expense of those     us through imprisoning our minds                                                      emotion from Earth. But ruminations
who believe them. They flicker on           in a fourth dimension, which needs                                                    aside, let’s dig out our laser guns and
                                                                                       How has this theory become so
the radar for a nanosecond before           energy produced by our own negative                                                   tin foil helmets.
                                                                                       popular?
retreating to die an ignominious cyber      emotions – particularly fear. The
death. But the Reptilian Humanoid           Reptiles then feed on this energy.                                                    Icke’s Australian tour is scheduled
                                                                                       It may be a combination of his powers
theory defies convention, boasting          However, the dimension is weakened                                                    this year.
                                                                                       of public speaking, the sleek image
followers in 47 countries, 19 years         by the lower frequencies of our ‘love’     of his products and website and the
after its inception.                        energy. Icke argues that we can fight      fact that Tom Cruise doesn’t support
                                            the aliens by starving them of our         his group. Icke argues his popularity
So what exactly is this theory?             negative emotions, especially in           attests to the legitimacy of his theory,
                                            halting violent campaigns.                 as people find his postulations echoing
It’s the belief that Earth is controlled
                                                                                       in their own lives.
by 7 foot, green aliens, variously called   Sound like an Nimbin inhabitant
the Illuminati, the Reptiles and the        on something totally natural, limply       Although the theory totally lacks
Lizards. These Reptiles shape-shift         waving an anti-Bush flag? Our loveable     credibility, it does promote the
upon drinking human blood, control          Texan is duly described as a ‘Satanist,    belief that caring about others is
every facet of our lives and allegedly      mind controller, torturer of children      the most important activity. In our
have been on Earth for thousands of         and adults, paedophile, major drug         fig-tree shadowed grounds, this is
years. The theory’s creator, English        runner and Reptile’ (emphasis added).      an unpopular mentality. Students
David Icke, believes he is a ‘channel       As usual, Bush gets it all in the ‘nads.   scramble to be renowned for their
for the Christ spirit’ to enlighten the
                                                                                       superior intelligence, witticisms
human race about the Illuminati.            The most powerful international            and CV that used up a whole printer
Reptile Prophet? Just Ask Me.               positions are held by these unsociable     cartridge. It’s interesting that an
>10                                                                                                                               Want to look at my hemipenes?
Modern Odysseus:
Julian Shaw’s
movie-book fable for our time
Danika Armytage goes on a medium-bending Odyssey with SCA student Julian Shaw.




In 23 years Julian Shaw - currently
undertaking a Master of Film and
Digital Image at Sydney College of
the Arts - has achieved an impressive
lifetime’s worth of achievements. At
15 he began writing for premier film
magazine Filmink, and before he’d
finished high school he was flying
between Sydney and South Africa
filming his feature documentary
‘Darling: The Peter Dirk Uys’ story
                                          to think – they are hopefully generating
which has since won the an Inside Film                                                  can create the movie in their mind.     Thomas as played by Colin Friels.
                                          even more ideas.
award and had rave screenings at the                                                                                            Colin really had to do as much as you
Berlin International Film Festival.                                                     What has been your road to              would in a film shoot for this – it went
                                          Modern Odysseus            plot,    in   a
                                          nutshell?                                     this book?                              for a whole week, and he had to sob,
Julian’s latest conquest is his book                                                                                            scream, strip down, make himself
Modern Odysseus released this                                                           It has been an incredibly difficult     sick and even learn some dialogue.
                                          The story is about a corporate burn-out
month, a “movie in book form” – but                                                     journey – you don’t get to finish a     Sometimes scenes were blocked out
                                          named Thomas Dedal, and this character
what exactly does that mean?                                                            book without a bit of madness and       and run like a film shoot, but as in
                                          is played by Colin Friels. Thomas picks
                                          up Ulysses on the 16th of June 2004,          without being obsessed. I just could    the close up image here it was often
What is a ‘movie in book form’?                                                         never, ever let go of this story, it    about accessing one emotion and
                                          and it jolts a message straight into his
                                          consciousness: he knows he has slowly         haunted me. I created the character     one look which would say it all. The
It means a novel, but one with                                                          of Thomas during the separation         young blonde guy is Sebastian: he is
                                          killed his own imagination. He gives
photographs throughout the text                                                         of my parents, and admittedly           Thomas’ alter ego, and he is the one
                                          himself one day to bring it back to life.
that help to tell the story and enrich                                                  his struggle with the corporate         that Thomas goes on the journey with.
                                          Modern Odysseus is his journal of that
the experience for the reader. Almost                                                   world is inspired by my Dad. The        I guess the trick of the book is that the
                                          day, as he goes on an odyssey through
every page of Modern Odysseus has                                                       whole corporate milieu which is         original Odysseus explored the world
                                          real and imagined events, looking to
a photograph, so it is an extra strand                                                  the backdrop of this book comes         outside, but Thomas is exploring the
                                          write a perfect fable for his time. So this
to the narrative. The key thing is that                                                 from what I have observed through       space inside.
                                          is like a movie reel where most of the
the images are not telling you what                                                     my childhood – it’s a venal, ugly
                                          frames have been shaken out – readers
                                                                                        world but also one ripe for satire.     What’s next?
                                                                                        So this is a book that peers into
                                                                                        that soullessness, sure, but that       I am completing another incredibly
                                                                                        is not hard to do to be fair. I hope    personal film project: All Blacks Don’t
                                                                                        the book goes one step further: I       Cry. It’s about the All Black John
                                                                                        guess it is a passionate story about    Kirwan and his battle with depression.
                                                                                        reclaiming your spark if you’ve let     I’m playing John which is daunting
                                                                                        it die, and it is saying there can be   but also a dream come true, as he was
                                                                                        something more than living on the       my childhood hero and his story is
                                                                                        slick surfaces of life.                 one that fills me with inspiration. At
                                                                                                                                this point in my life I am only tackling
                                                                                        What can we expect to see in            projects that mean everything to me –
                                                                                        the book?                               I can’t seem to work any other way for
                                                                                                                                now.
                                                                                        The text, photographs and drawings
                                                                                        are by me, so it is a big epic story    For   more     information on
                                                                                        told through many different media.      Modern Odysseus, head to www.
                                                                                        I can’t tell you where it goes, but I   modernodysseus.com.au.
                                                                                        don’t know anyone who hasn’t been
                                                                                        surprised by the twists and turns it
                                                                                        takes.

                                                                                        Why have you chosen to
                                                                                        reproduce these pages here?

                                                                                        Here you can see the character of
                                                                                                                                                        >11
    Crucial Donation
A Use of Bodies in Medicine at the Universit
The
Associate Professor Kevin Keay             science.                                                                                                                                                                                              resource”, says Katherine Wilkinson,
doesn’t seem like a man who takes          In the classroom, students observe                                                                 Joel, a third year Med student,                                                                    co-ordinator of the programme.
himself too seriously.                     prosections, which are dissections                                                                 and Jason, in his first year of                                                                    To donate your body, you are
                                           that are prepared to demonstrate                                                                   Physiotherapy, both agree that limited                                                             required to sign a Donor Offer Form
When I first meet the Associate            anatomical structure. For example, a                                                               facial recognition makes it easier to                                                              at the University and complete a
Professor and Head of Anatomy and          region of the thigh may have the skin                                                              see cadavers as a learning aid rather                                                              health questionnaire. Although after
Histology at the University of Sydney,     and muscles stripped off to reveal                                                                 than a person.                                                                                     death your family can override your
he is wearing shorts and thongs and        the bone and tendon attachments                                                                                                                                                                       decision to donate, your body cannot
the walls of his office are adorned with   underneath.                                                                                        Remembering the first time they                                                                    be donated to the University without
colourful pictures. But when he learns                                                                                                        worked with heads, Joel described the                                                              your written consent.
the topic of my article, he is suddenly    Kate, 22, is a first year med student,                                                             experience as “quite confronting”,
completely serious.                        and describes to me what an average                                                                ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   After death, the body is delivered to
                                           anatomy prac involves.                                                                             After death, the body is delivered to                                                              the University within 24 hours, and
“Our Body Donor Programme is                                                                                                                                                                                                                     stored for a year before it is used in
absolutely crucial to what we do           “There are usually about four stations                                                             the University within 24 hours                                                                     the classroom. Unless specified by the
here,” he tells me, leaning forward in     that we move around in small groups,                                                               ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   donor that the body can be retained
his chair.                                 and each station has a few prosections,                                                                                                                                                               by the University for future study, the
                                           as well as models, bones or radiography                                                                                                                                                               University completes examination of
“Without the generosity of these           images. Each station has an objective,                                                             but points out that desensitisation is
individuals who wish to donate their       so we know what structures to look                                                                 vital not only as a skill for doctors but
body, we couldn’t play a part in the       for, and tutors are available in case we                                                           to allow himself to concentrate on the
advancement of medicine and we             have trouble locating it. At the end of                                                            incredibly complex task of learning
couldn’t train the people who will be      a prac is a short spot test to make sure                                                           the anatomy.
our surgeons, dentists or physical         we’ve learnt something.”
therapists.”                                                                                                                                  “All students are verbally educated
                                           Medical studies have found that                                                                    about respectful behaviour, and
Despite a vague recollection of ticking    working with bodies can be quite                                                                   we take a moment in all classes to
an organ donor box when I got my           emotionally distressing for students,                                                              reflect on the value of the donations.
licence, I had never thought about         but at Sydney it doesn’t seem to be a                                                              At the same time,” Keay adds, “we
what I wanted to do with my body           problem.                                                                                           are training doctors, so it’s about
after I died.                                                                                                                                 maintaining the right level of clinical
                                           ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   detachment.”
I decided to talk to a few people who      “I think the donors are incredibly                                                                                                                                                                    deceased remains after two years and
have used donated bodies in their                                                                                                             Everyone involved in the faculty                                                                   arrange a simple burial or cremation
                                           courageous”
education to find out more, and help                                                                                                          know what is at stake if there is any                                                              service, incurring all related costs.
make up my mind.                           ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
                                                                                                                                              misconduct. The University’s licence
                                                                                                                                              is governed by the NSW Anatomy                                                                     History
What are the bodies used for?                                                                                                                 Act, and any deviation from the strict
                                           In fact, many responses showed that                                                                practice guidelines could mean the                                                                 The Discipline of Anatomy was
Bodies are used for teaching every day     it was the other way around, with                                                                  licence is revoked. The fate of the                                                                established in 1890. A picture in the
in the Anderson Stuart building not        students finding their own attitude                                                                UNSW anatomy department is an                                                                      University’s photo archives shows
only by the grad students of medicine,     detached and clinical when they                                                                    all too recent reminder of what can                                                                how much the department has
but by undergraduate science and           encountered their first body.                                                                      happen if the donors are not accorded                                                              changed since then, with an image
medical science students enrolled in       “It’s actually hard to equate the                                                                  the proper dignity, respect and                                                                    from 1919 of medical prosectors in
the Anatomy course.                        isolated body organ lying in front of                                                              anonymity that they deserve, when                                                                  bow-ties with a decaying skeleton on a
Over at the Cumberland Campus, the         you with a living person,” Kate says.                                                              the University’s licence was taken                                                                 table, propped up by bricks. Another
           THE FATE OF THE UNSW ANATOMY DEPARTMENT IS AN ALL TOO RECENT REMINDER OF WHAT CAN HAPPEN IF THE DONORS ARE NOT ACCORDED THE PROPER


discipline of Biomedical Science use                                                                                                          away for reasons of “mislabelling”.                                                                picture from the 1920s hangs in the
anatomical specimens to teach those        “Over time I’ve become more                                                                                                                                                                           Anderson Stuart building of two
studying the health sciences, such as      comfortable and I now find it easier to                                                            Who donates their body?                                                                            skeletons sitting at a table, followed
physiotherapy and exercise and sports      think of them as people.”                                                                                                                                                                             by another shot showing them getting
                                                                                                                                              Members of the public can elect to                                                                 progressively drunker and sliding off
                                                                                                                                              donate their body to science through                                                               their chairs.
                                                                                                                                              arrangements       with    individual
                                                                                                                                              institution’s programmes.                                                                          When the Professor shows me this
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 irreverent shot capturing the timeless
                                                                                                                                              At USYD, the Body Donor Programme                                                                  nature of student life he physically
                                                                                                                                              is run through the Faculty of Medicine,                                                            shudders. “Attitudes have changed a
                                                                                                                                              and receives 40 to 60 donations each                                                               lot since then.”
                                                                                                                                              year.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 To prove this, he takes me into the
                                                                                                                                              “The people who decide to donate                                                                   museum of anatomical specimens,
                                                                                                                                              usually hear about the programme                                                                   which is closed to the public and only
                                                                                                                                              through their doctor or friends who                                                                open to anatomy students.
                                                                                                                                              decide to donate. They generally                                                                   To enter the museum I pass through
                                                                                                                                              have a strong interest in advancing                                                                two huge heavy, wooden doors with
                                                                                                                                              medical science.     Some have a                                                                   “J.T Wilson Museum” painted in
                                                                                                                                              medical condition that they believe                                                                gold.
                                                                                                                                              would provide a useful teaching


>12
n of Sydney
                                                                                                                                                             THE SUCCESS OF A UNIVERSITY SUCH AS SYDNEY IS BUOYED
                                                                                                                                                                BY MANY CHARITABLE DONATIONS, BUT THERE IS A VERY
                                                                                                                                                               DIFFERENT KIND OF DONOR THAT MANY STUDENTS DON’T
                                                                                                                                                             KNOW ABOUT. PEOPLE WHO DONATE THEIR OWN BODIES TO
                                                                                                                                                                       THE UNIVERSITY FOR TEACHING AND RESEARCH.

rsity
                                                                                                                                                                           ALEXANDRA LEE INVESTIGATES THE ISSUE.




          For some reason I expect it to be at                                                               this year, producing a prosection of the     “idealised images of human anatomy             proper care is always taken when
          once gloomy and sterile.                                                                           knee.                                        available in textbooks.”                       dealing with cadavers, it is definitely
                                                                                                             “The prosection competition was              “If you are operating on a patient you         something I would consider.”
          Instead, I am taken aback by how                                                                   offered to the 32 final year medical         must have seen for yourself the relevant
          bright it is, by the light pine furnishings                                                        students who had completed the seven         anatomy in a number of cadavers                For Ineke, studying medicine has
          and the open layout.                                                                               week full-body dissection course. The        to appreciate the relationships to             made her think a lot more about the
                                                                                                             difference between dissection and            other structures and any variations            quality of life people have before they
          On one wall is a huge mural of the                                                                 prosection is that dissection means          that may be normal or pathological.            die.
          original Anatomy Act of 1901, with the                                                             using the body to learn anatomy –            Learning with real bodies is absolutely
                                                                                                             revealing one layer, learning that, then     essential,” Joel explained.                    She says her attitude is “fairly
                                                                                                             cutting away to reveal the next. You                                                        practical” toward mortality.
                                                                                                             eventually end up with just bones left.      A personal choice
                                                                                                                                                                                                         “I’m an organ donor currently and
                                                                                                             “Prosection is more artistic – you           Despite having gained immeasurably             hope that my organs would be useful
                                                                                                             are making a window to present a             from their own contact with donated            to someone if I died tomorrow.
                                                                                                             particular structure as a feature for        bodies, reactions are mixed when               When I’m an old person I’ll consider
                                                                                                             learning to be displayed. Prosection         it comes to the decision of making a           donating my body to the University.”
                                                                                                             takes a lot more time.”                      personal donation and signing up to
                                                                                                                                                          the programme themselves.                      Back in the museum, there’s a display
                                                                                                             So do we even need to use bodies                                                            of a hand pristinely preserved with a
                                                                                                             to study anatomy?                            Jason and Joel are both hesitant               window in the flesh so you can see the
                                                                                                                                                          out of concern for their family. Kate          veins, intricate and delicate.
                                                                                                             Every student I speak to is adamant          points out that as young people, “we
          preamble in bold to remind students                                                                that we do, though not every Australian      don’t like entertaining the thought of         I look at the label: 1924.
          of the special privilege granted to them                                                           student gets this privilege, with a study    death.”
          “by the generosity of community-                                                                   in 2000 showing that a student in 4 of                                                      And I realise, it’s not ungraceful or
          minded individuals.”                                                                               the 11 medical schools in the country        “I think the donors are incredibly             dehumanising at all.
          The oldest specimen in the room is                                                                 could feasibly go through their entire       courageous to agree to post-mortem
          a dissection of a heart, by Dr. J.H.S.                                                             degree without seeing one dead body.         dissection for the education of                In fact if anything its re-humanising
          Lightoller in 1908. The amazing                                                                                                                 students. Unfortunately, I don’t know          – an affirmation that no matter what
          thing about the art of prosection is                                                               Students in the Sports Sciences have         if I possess such courage. However, as         your spiritual beliefs are, the way
          that although attitudes have changed                                                               even less opportunity to work with           people age they tend to become more            our bodies work is nothing short of
          so much since then, the methods have                                                               bodies.                                      comfortable with the inevitability of          amazing.
          not.                                                                                                                                            death and the fate of their remains, so
          ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   Victoria is studying Exercise Sports         it’s something I’ll have to re-evaluate        If my lasting legacy could be to educate
          “When I’m an old person I’ll                                                                       Science and Nutrition, at Cumberland         over the years.”                               those who come after me of the value
                                                                                                             and tells me that students from                                                             of life, well, there are far worse fates
          consider donating my body to the
                                                                                                             Macquarie University have to come to         As the whole body is used, the                 than that.
          University”                                                                                        USYD’s health sciences campus once a         University doesn’t accept donors
          ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   week to use its cadavers.                    who donate their organs. Victoria is
                                                                                                                                                          listed as an organ donor but is positive
          “We follow a certain method of                                                                     Although synthetic representations           towards the idea of donating her body
          dissection,” Keay tells me. “There is a                                                            of the human body are available, they        for research.
                                                                                                             all agree that it is no substitute, due
          very specific order to how everything                                                              to anatomical variations one finds           “After having benefited from other
          is done, so when a surgeon is                                                                      in a real specimen compared to the           people’s donations and knowing that
 PROPER DIGINITY, RESPECT AND ANONYMITY THAT THEY DESERVE, WHEN THE UNIVERSITY’S LICENCE WAS TAKEN AWAY FOR REASONS OF “MISLABELLING”.


                                                                                                             USING OUR BRAINS
          operating on a patient he knows
          exactly where everything is, he knows
          that if he lifts up one layer, what will                                                           There is a great need to study human         donor, other notable donors include            Do people have to choose between brain
          be underneath.”                                                                                    brain tissue but it is impossible to study   Amanda Keller and Dr. Karl Kruszelnicki.       or organ donation?
                                                                                                             the cells of a living human brain without    Normal or ‘control’ brains are vital for
          “It requires amazing skill and precision                                                           causing great damage. This is why Using      comparative studies and need to reflect the    In NSW people can be brain donors and
          to create work like this,” he beams.                                                               Our Brains was established in 2002 as a      same patterns and differences in lifestyle,    organ donors, but they cannot also be full
                                                                                                             donor programme that all members of the      age and experience as the abnormal             body donors.
          Prosection is a highly regarded skill                                                              community to give their brains to medical    cases.
          in anatomy, and the University of                                                                  research. Robyn Miller gives me the low                                                     What are some of the outcomes of your
          Sydney boasts some of the best. The                                                                down on this important program.              Why do people donate?                          research?
          Prosectors Competition was set up by
          the founding chair of the Department
          of Anatomy, J. T. Wilson, and                                                                      Who can donate their brain?                  Generally people are interested in             One very helpful outcome has been the
          continues to this day.                                                                                                                          donating their brain to benefit research and   mandatory enrichment of bread flour with
                                                                                                             UoB accepts donations from anyone aged       the community. About 20% of enquiries          vitamin B (thiamine) to minimize brain
          The value of prosection                                                                            18 or over and our donors come from          come from the families of people whith         damage in those who abuse alcohol.
                                                                                                             a broad range of age, educational and        neurological illnesses.
          Ineke is in her final year of medicine,                                                            socioeconomic backgrounds.      Gough                                                       Go to the website www.braindonors.org to
          and is hoping to do surgery when she                                                               Whitlam signed up as the first                                                              register your interest or call Using our Brains
          finishes. She was one of nine students                                                                                                                                                         on 9351 2410.
          who underwent the prosection course


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    >13
                                          Protesters
                                          Protest Protest
                                          of Protest at
                                          Protest
   Will Atkinson gets critical on         The Socialist Alternative’s march               No. 426 - Copycat Fritzls
  Bernard Levin and John Simon.           against the National Day of Action
                                          was interrupted last Wednesday by             Old man Josef got life
                                          members of NLS speaking out against           last week, and now other
It seems more and more the case in        the SA’s veto of the National Union of
student media that reviews and cov-                                                     barbaric fuckers are
                                          Students event.
erage of the arts aren’t so much an                                                     getting caught.
important feature of the publication,     Chanting “socialists don’t care about
rather, a way to simply and quickly       students”, the protesters stayed hot on       Italian Frizl: For 25 years,
fill white space. Why? They’re easy       the heel of the SA, who in turn were          he raped his daughters
to write, often delightfully self-        holding placards yelling “NUS doesn’t         and made them watch.
reflexive, and they mostly disavow        care about Palestine” as NUS marchers
reasoned argumentation for a good         marched on a Federal Government
                                          conference in Darling Harbour, yelling        Columbia Fritzl: Raped
old-fashioned vent, precisely what
                                          “the government doesn’t care about            his daughter since the
we feel like on a Sunday afternoon        students”.
after an extended clusterfuck of a
                                                                                        age of 9, and fathered 8
week. Reading the previous Fisher                                                       children by her.
                                          The three groups gained momentum on
Book Reviews, you could almost be         the walk from the University of Sydney
led to think that we don’t even get       to the Convention Centre and marched          You guys are fucked.
around to reading the books we set        around it, until the NUS protesters
out to critique anyway.Well, the ones     caught up with the stragglers from the
that this author has contributed.         NLS and got confused about what group
                                          they were in. The groups then walked
What about the case of the critic         round in one big angry circle for quite
reviewing the critics, though? I’ve       some time, until an protestor realised he
                                          was yelling “Israel are murderous dogs!”
been having a look at the oeuvre          as Kay Dook found herself holding a
of several famous critics (or notori-     “Reform Youth Allowance” placard.
ous, depending on if you’re even
half-way related to previous targets      During an impromptu caucus at the
of their wrath). Part of the appeal of    protest, one of the factions put forward
people like Bernard Levin and John        a motion making all members of the
Simon is the scintillating creativity     SRC sit an exam that ensured each
they have at their disposal to make       student representative was committed
a point – one that may be harsh, or       to defending students rights. Those
right on the mark, but that is so well    who supported the implementation of
made or plain insane that you can’t       this assessment then split off from their
                                          original group, forming their own Pro-
help but be drawn in.                     Test protest.
Levin, in his role as a theatre review-   This aggravated matters even more
er, brings to mind two incidents that     as the protest circle began to turn on
characterise this point neatly. Aside     itself like a blue-shirted Ouroboros,
from being punched in the face by         allowing Julia Gillard to make a hasty
a disgruntled lord live on national       getaway, yelling the parting line “More
television, whilst hosting a show (for    like National Day of Faction!” out of the
being ‘umgentlemanly’ in his cri-         window of her limousine.
tique of the attacker’s actress wife)
and soldiering on marvellously,           Unfortunately the Deputy Prime
                                          Minister’s zinger fell on deaf ears as         MEGA EPIC
he remains famous for a 500 word          the protesters became distracted by a          RAY GUN
review of a play, where exactly 500       knife fight that broke out between Elly        Targeting the
words were used to describe ‘how          Howse and Alma Torlackovic, a dispute          hetero-
                                                                                         normative!                    ULTRA CLAW
nice’ the lead actress’ dress was…        described by SRC General Secretary                                           Keeps you safe from
                                          Russell Schmidt as “oddly arousing.”                                         the Government
John Simon has assiduously cultivat-
ed the persona of the worst person
in the world, a pantomime villain
par excellence around Broadway for
                                          Boogy the Night
fifty years Apart from his pronounce-     Away                                                                            RIGHTS
ments on the role of critics – ‘why       Earth Hour has once again run as a                                              DETECTOR
should we eat shit, when we can eat       success, with millions of people in                                             Reclaim them!
caviar?’, his preoccupation with the      Sydney turning off their lights and a
physical deficiencies of his victims      pedal-powered concert in Melbourne.
flies over being characterised as
lazy reviewing and virulent per-          UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon
                                          said, “Earth Hour is a way for the citizens
sonal abuse into a high art form: he
                                          of the world to send a clear message.
described Barbara Streisand’s nose        They want action on climate change.”
as ‘[cleaving] the giant screen from
east to west, [bisecting] it from north   Particularly vocal support for the
to south. It zigzags across our hori-     initiative came from James the                  WELFARE
zon like a bolt of fleshy lightning’.     Boogeyman.                                      WARRIOR BELT
                                                                                          Everyone will get
Do people who write like this have        “It’s my busiest time of year,” he said.        K-Rudd’s $900
any value anymore? Though they            “No one sees me coming!”
seem more outmoded every time
you open a review, they have an           Criticised for using the event for evil,
                                          rather than good, James responded:
inspiring spirit of insouciance and                                                         Equality Boots
                                          “I do my bit for the environment, you
cuttingly accurate prose that you                                                           Crushing illegal
                                          should be talking to my mate Sasquatch            course fees!
can’t help but crack a smile at.          - in terms of carbon output he’s got a
                                          Big Foot print.”
>14
                                      Competitive beard and moustache growing
HOW TO PUT ON A SHIT SUDS             Will Atkinson gets into the thick of all things hairy
PLAY

AIM
• To waste three hours of your
obliging friends’ lives by forcing
them to sit through a poorly-act-
ed, under-rehearsed wankfest
on hard, uncomfortable plastic
chairs (Thanks Doug!).
• To make dead playwrights turn
in their graves or make living        Ever since I was in Year Eight, where      the ‘unwashed anarchist’, predomi-         consciousness– from the frozen
                                      the first tell-tale signs of facial fuzz   nately the domain of, well, unwashed       shores of Alaska for the ‘Alaskan
ones wish they were turning in        emerged above my top lip, I’ve had         anarchists and the Honi editors after      Whaler’ beard category to my per-
their graves.                         an interest in the way people style        a wild-eyed Sunday night in the SRC,       sonal favourite moustache category,
                                      their facial hair.                         as well as that seething multiplic-        the Hungarian, an extended version
EQUIPMENT                                                                        ity of facial designs that deny close      of the famous handlebar.
1 x Script to be treated with great   It seems both a strange thing to do,       categorisation, but fall neatly under
indifference.                         let alone be interested in (Roald Dahl     the aegis of ‘please look at me, I’m       What can we take from this competi-
8 x Actors direct from the last       once wrote of his confusion about          a hipster’. Some contributions are         tion? Nothing more than the knowl-
SUDS play to be staged. And the       this ‘dirty habit’, questioning why        merely a result of forgetting to shave     edge that truly cool people are in-
                                      anyone except criminals would want         for a week, that aside, it can still be    dividuals - able to do as they please
one before that.                      to hide their face) and a hobby that       said that beards and moustaches            and be comfortable about it, no
1 x Cockroach to creep across         is so inbuilt into our fashion sensi-      are loaded with more meaning than          matter the amount of wax required
stage at highly inappropriate         bilities and physical make-up that         we’d expect.                               or odd looks on the street. If I had
moment of great dramatic sus-         it’s plain ordinary. I tend to think                                                  half the confidence of these rutting
pense but secretly cause the au-      that my interest is related obliquely      The World Beard and Moustache              examples of masculinity, I’d be lying
dience much joy.                      to my general inability to grow any-       Championships only serve to reveal         on the Manning beer balcony with a
1 x University maintenance            thing convincing beyond a few days         the patchy state that we’re in when it     full Imperial. At this juncture, how-
worker to operate overly loud         of red-and-brown stubble: like pro-        comes to competition growth. Held          ever, it looks like I’ll be sticking with
                                      fessional sport, it’s a hobby that can     every two years around the world,          the Schick.
leaf-blower outside at highly         inspire through being a spectator,         the competition is a forum for fa-
inappropriate moment of great         not necessarily competing.                 cial hair culture across the world         Other competitive Beard and Mous-
dramatic suspense but secretly                                                   – a melting pot of beards united in        tache tournaments include The In-
cause the audience much joy.          Contributions to the beard world at        the spirit of fierce competition. One      ternational German Championships,
                                      this University are generally a mixed      only has to read the categories com-       the European Championships, the
METHOD                                bag. Amongst the better known looks        peted in to understand the reach of        Beard Olympics and Superbeard.
1. Write it yourself: the ultimate    being rocked by a few of the boys are      the beard and moustache in human
fail-safe. Be sure to pack it with
plenty of ten-page monologues
imbued with deep ‘themes’ and
‘values’ relating to your ‘Intro-                                                                               Shoes in Politics
duction to Philosophy’ lecture.
Reveal way too much about your                          > Kruschev at the United Nations
secret depression or psychosis                          On 12 October 1960, during the height of the Cold War, Nikita Krushchev, General Secretary of the
and make your friends forever                           Soviet Union, controversially took off his right shoe during a meeting of the United Nations General As-
wary of being stuck in a con-                           sembly and banged it vigorously on the table. This was to make explicitly obvious his anger at the words
fined space with you.                                   of Lorenzo Sumulong, head of the Filipino delegation, that the Soviet Union has denied the people of
2. Be one of the three people of                        Eastern Europe their “civic and political rights”.
the year who is not SUDS Presi-
dent Chris Hay to direct a play.                        > George Bush’s Head
You’re bound to fail in compari-                        On 14 December 2008, al-Zaidi interrupted a George Bush and Nuri Kamal al-Maliki press confer-
son. That guy is like a freakin’                        ence by throwing his shoe at the then-Head of the Free world. Slow-to-act security guards gave al-Zaidi
prodigy or something.                                   enough time to throw his second shoe and shout “This is from the widows, the orphans and those who
3. Invert the genders. “Ground-                         were killed in Iraq!” Hitting someone with a shoe is a major insult in Iraq; it is meant to indicate that the
breaking!” says the director.                           person is as low as the dirt.
“Horrifying!” says his audience
of one.                                                 > Height of Fashion
4. Give the slot to Kip Williams                        In the grand tradition of French monarchs of the past, Nicholas Sarkozy has become famous both in
and allow him to sit on a chair                         France and abroad for penchant for heeled shoes. In order to compensate for his 5”5’ stature, Sarkozy
for an hour and stare at the au-                        wears shoes with at least a 2-inch heal. Dubbed the ‘Effet de Sarkozy’ (Sarkozy effect), heeled shoes have
dience. Some will cry. Most will                        taken off in France, with many of Sarkozy’s shoes being designed by top French designers.
leave.
5. Rely on ‘Brechtian theories of
minimalism’ to legitimise the                           > 2,700 Pairs and Counting
tragic lack of set.                                     Also referred to as the “Steel Butterfly”, Imelda Marcos is the widow of former Filipino dictator Ferdi-
                                                        nand Marcos and one time member of the Filipino house of representatives. An influential and corrupt
CONCLUSION                                              public figure, Imelda Marcos used public funds to finance her shoe habit and by the time of her hus-
It was found that while a shit                          band’s dismissal in 1986 was the owner of over to buy over 2,700 pairs of luxurious designer shoes.
SUDS play left some in the au-
dience questioning established
theories of theatre, most were                          > Only the Left Shoes Made on Strikes
simply left questioning their will                      So goes a saying in Japan, after a famous strike at a shoe factory in the Shikoku province in the 1960’s.
to live. Interestingly, the high                        The workers at the factory were unhappy with their pay and attempted to strike, but local laws prevented
level of shitness had no bearing                        the closure of the factory. To get around this, and still force their employers’ hands, the shoe-makers
on the self-satisfaction achieved                       resolved only to make left shoes until their demands were met.
by the director.



                                                                                                                                                     >15
 PRESIDENT’S REPORT
 Report of the SRC President, Noah White//president@src.usyd.eu.au
                                                                                                                                                                      The University of Sydney




Thanks everyone who came to the            The way the NUS works is that a             Even with such a reduced budget the            NUS and the SRC.
National Day of Action last week. It       campus representative organisation          NUS has been incredibly effective over
was a big success and we managed to        (like the SRC here) joins by having a       the last few years, successfully having        If you would like to find out more
generate significant media interest in     referendum. Then, every year elects         Domestic Undergraduate Full Fee                about the NUS visit www.unistu-
the issue of student poverty and student   a number of “delegates” depending           places abolished, being instrumental           dent.com.au.
income support reform. We managed          on how many students they represent         in the set up of the new federal youth
to have the issues covered on Triple J,    (we elect 7). These delegates attend a      advisory body, the Australian Youth
2UE, 2GB, Channel 7, Channel 9, the        conference at the end of the year were      Forum (there is even an ex-NUS                 NOAH’S KITCHEN
ABC, in the Australian, the SMH and        policy decisions are made and the next      president that sits on the body) and
even the Sunday Telegraph!                 year’s activities are set for the NUS.      achieving a decrease in the amount of          As promised, this week I will
                                           National Office Bearers and a team of       HECS payable for science and maths             be providing a recipe for
And it wasn’t just here in Sydney that     National Executive members are also         students.                                      Lasagna.
students made sure their voice was         elected to run the organisation.
heard. Huge numbers of Students from                                                   The NUS has also lead the campaign             You will need:
Brisbane, Melbourne, Perth, Canberra       It would be very hard for the SRC to,       against VSU and for the introduction           The 1kg of Bolognese sauce
and Adelaide all participated. The vast    by itself, influence the Federal Govern-    of the new Student Services, Repre-            you froze last week (if you
majority of universities participated in   ment’s actions and policy decisions         sentation, Advocacy and Amenities              didn’t you can make fresh
some way. Students, nationally, were       since we only represent a small slice       legislation which will protect student         Bolognese sauce using my
united in support of student income        of Australian students. The NUS’s           representation and life on campus              recipe last week)
support reform.                            strength comes from the fact that it        (see my report from week one). This            1 box of Lasagna pasta
                                           represents over 800 000 students from       legislation, which is being vehemently         sheets
Being united at a national level is what   32 of Australia’s 37 public universities.   opposed by the liberal opposition (they        3 cups grated cheese
is needed for a strong campaign. There     The NUS is funded though “affiliation       see an active student voice as a threat
is no use for students from the 39 Aus-    fees” collected from member organisa-       to any possibility of a conservative           For the Béchamel sauce,
tralian universities to be shouting with   tions every year. This used to be pro-      government) would, in my opinion,              you’ll need:
39 different voices asking for 9 differ-   portional to the number of equivalent       never have seen the light of day, if not       3 Tablespoons butter
ent things; we would never achieve         full time students the organisation         for the NUS.                                   About 3 Tablespoons plain
anything.                                  represented but since VSU, the NUS                                                         flour
                                           has had to make allowances for organi-      In what is a bit of an ironic twist of fate,   1 ½ cups cold milk
This is why I think that it is important   sations that have been hit particularly     the NUS stands to gain very little from        One cup grated cheese.
that there exists a national representa-   hard and now collects “affiliation fees”    this legislation, nor do other represen-       You will also need a baking
tive body for students that the Univer-    equal to an agreed amount negotiated        tative organisations such as the SRC,          dish, approx 20x30cm.
sity of Sydney SRC is actively engaged     between the NUS and each member             which have done most, if not all of the
in. The National Union of Students was     organisation.                               groundwork for the fight against VSU.          To make the Béchamel sauce,
set up in the late 80’s in response to                                                 It will be the large service Unions that       melt the butter on a very,
the introduction of HECS and the SRC       Essentially this has meant the our          will gain the most from this new legisla-      very low heat in a small pot.
has been a member since that very first    national representative body has been       tion (with the biggest benefactor in the       Add the flour slowly, stirring
year, a very active member. In fact, out   one of the organisations hardest hit by     country, almost undoubtedly being our          until all the flour is absorbed
of the last 15 presidents, 7 have been     VSU, having its income cut by 83%,          very own USU), the organisations that          but the resulting paste is still
from Sydney Uni.                           in other words it operates on a budget,     have been hesitant to lift even a finger       oily. Slowly add the cold
                                           one sixth the size of what it was.          in support of the campaigns run by the         milk, stirring until gravy,
                                                                                                                                      like consistency is reached.
                                                                                                                                      Then melt 1 cup of the grated
 EDUCATION REPORT
 Report of the Education Officers, Elly Howse and Rosie Ryan//education.officers@src.usyd.edu.au
                                                                                                                                      cheese into the sauces. Add
                                                                                                                                      salt, pepper and nutmeg to
                                                                                                                                      taste.
 Last Wednesday university students        are departments such as humanities,         humanising and blatantly racist                Make sure the Bolognese
 across Australia marched to protest       science, teaching and nursing and           act of legislation was passed under            is completely thawed and
 against the government’s failure to       rural and regional universities.            the guise of ‘protecting children’.            divide into three equal
 provide fair student income support,                                                  What this means is that if you’re              portions so that the layers of
 support     student     organisations     Angry about this? Want to know              an indigenous student from the                 the Lasagna are consistent.
 and provide an accessible higher          more?                                       NT studying here at the prestigious            Spread one of these layers out
 education system based upon                                                           University of Sydney, your Abstudy             on the bottom of your baking
 learning and quality, not profit.         Come to the Education Action Group          payments are quarantined by the                dish, then drizzle a quarter
 Thanks to everyone who came along         every Tuesday at 1pm on the shady           government. You can only spend                 of the Béchamel sauce over
 and got their feet on the streets, it     lawn next to Fisher library (you’ll see     your allowance in specific stores.             this and cover with a layer of
 was a great day for students!             it if you walk up from Victoria Park).                                                     pasta sheets. Repeat this twice
                                           Anyone can come and we’ll listen,           Got $200 per week to pay in rent?              more so you have 3 layers.
 What’s happening in             higher    discuss and plan for more events on         Too bad! You have to spend it
 education at the moment?                  campus.                                     where the government wants you to.             Cover the top layer with
                                                                                       According to the government, non-              the remaining Béchamel
 Julia Gillard, federal Minister for       What else is happening on campus?           indigenous people can manage their             sauce and then sprinkle a
 Education and Training, is proving                                                    Centrelink payments but indigenous             generous amount of grated
 persistent in her attacks on higher       If you think higher education is            people can’t.                                  cheese over the top. Cover
 education. Howard did everything          having a hard enough time at                                                               the Lasagna with al-foil and
 he could to degrade higher education      the moment, just think about the            Are you angry about this too?                  put into a preheated oven
 in Australia. The Rudd Government         indigenous communities in the                                                              at 200 degrees and bake for
 is not only continuing the neglect        Northern Territory who have been            The Anti-Racism Collective meets               30mins, remove foil and bake
 but is finding new and more sinister      racially    discriminated  against          at 12pm every Monday on the Law                for another 15mins or until
 ways to turn universities into profit-    by both the Howard and Rudd                 Lawns. The major focus this semester           golden brown on top.
 driven institutions based on neo-         governments since 2007 through the          is on stopping the NT Intervention,
 liberal ideologies.                       NT Emergency Response Legislation           so if you don’t know much about it
 They are doing this through               (the Intervention).                         or mainstream media has made you
 deregulation of course places                                                         believe that it’s a ‘necessary thing’,
 and demand driven funding                 Apparently     both   governments           you should definitely come along.
 which threatens to dramatically           believe that indigenous Australians
 decrease course quality through           can’t control their money or their
 overcrowding. Also under threat           children so a paternalistic, de-

>16
GENERAL SECRETARY’S REPORT
Report of the General Secretary, Russel Schmidt//gen.sec@src.usyd.eu.au
                                                                                                                                                                            The University of Sydney




“Pull here for Arts degree” reads the      his head and muttered, “when I did         that vein for a while.                                                  will be
witty inscription above the roll of        my degree this class would not have        To complement this, earlier in the         left floundering in mediocrity as the
toilet paper in the dingy Fisher stack.    had more than 10 students on a good        week the Australian published              rest of the world charges off into the
LOL. No doubt some overzealous             day. And my degree was free.” To           figures for educational enrolments;        figurative high quality educational
commerce student wrote this and            me this highlights the incrementally       they’re up 6.5% overall. Up 20% in         sunset. What is the value of choice
kudos to them, I laughed. For all          diminishing standards that we need         education. Up 12% in engineering.          if you get the esteemed privilege of
we know Julia Gillard penned this          to fight against.                          Up 10% in law. Hmmm the perfect            choosing between an overcrowded,
hilarious little quip during her recent                                               storm, more people, less money;            shit quality law degree or a crap
stint in Sydney. It seems that every       Today (last Friday to you) the front       that’s sure to lead to better quality      quality, overcrowded commerce
week I end up writing about money          page of the Australian announced           degrees!                                   degree? Or perhaps a shit degree at
and this week will be no exception,        that the Rudd Government’s ‘razor                                                     Sydney University or a crap degree at
except this time it’s money you wont       gang’ was going to hit tertiary            Deregulation of universities is            UTS? If you’re choosing between shit
be getting thanks to Gillard.              education funding and $7 billion that      tantamount to privatising tertiary         and crap, you’re still gonna come
                                           was flagged for education is now at        education. Those who argue for             out covered in poo and what of that
The problem with tertiary education        risk. You simply cannot improve            privatisation traditionally do so under    Arts degree come toilet paper? It’s off
is that the turnover is too fast; none     university quality to ‘world class         the guise of providing greater choice;     chillin’ with the tooth fairy and the
of us were around for the ‘good old        levels’ without more money. About          in this case letting students decide.      bogeyman in the land of imagination
days’ (sans the dude in the front row      two weeks ago my report focused on         Education and especially public            because it wasn’t ‘viable’ to keep it
of your philosophy/English/history         why deregulation was a flaming load        education isn’t a commodity. Without       around in the brave new deregulated
lecture). I remember vividly when I        of crap and spoke about how more           a massive injection of money, an           world. Cheers Julia.
was in a first year tutorial with more     targeted money was required to fix         injection of money that was meant
than 30 people and the lecturer shook      tertiary education. I’ll continue in       to justify deregulation mind you, we


WOMEN’S REPORT
Report of the Women’s Officer, Tamsin Dingley//womens.officers@src.usyd.eu.au
So it’s week 5 and we’re all at starting   in the coming weeks to make badges,        hopefully   include    compulsory           for queer or queer friendly females.
to remember why holidays are good          patches, banners etc so come along if      workshops for college men.                  More info will be posted to the lists
and semester is bad- oh the enormous       you’re in an artistic mood. Dates and                                                  and advertised around campus
workload! For those of you devoting        times will be posted to the women’s        Women’s Honi is coming out soon
time to women’s activism on campus,        e-list. If you’re not on this list and     and submissions are now open!               Women’s Activism on campus is
and indeed to reading this article, it’s   would like to be, email me.                Send in poems, articles, rants, jokes,      collaborative and all input is valued
much appreciated.                                                                     photos and art to tamsindingley@            so if you have something to say, idea,
                                           Part of our violence campaign              hotmail.com. We’ll also be having           questions or comments please email
In the coming weeks Women’s                will be directed at men as a way           a Women’s Honi launch party so let          me and let me know. Also, if you
Collective will be getting new Stop        to ensure we do not move the               me know if you’d like to be involved        can’t come to collective meetings
Violence Against Women shirts, and         responsibility of preventing sexual        in the organising.                          (damn those clashes!) I’d be happy to
launching the Thursdays in Black           assault onto women. Sexual assault                                                     meet women for a coffee and a chat
campaign which is a silent protest         is a gendered issue and men need to        Furthermore; during week 7, the             so don’t be shy!
to stop violence against women.            be involved in the solution! After our     Queer Collective will be running
We’ll also start running our self-         non-autonomous discussion group            heaps of events and workshops as
defence workshops. In addition,            last week- in which women and men          part of “Pride Week”. If you want
we will be launching our Sexual            discussed the implementation of this       to be involved, email Morgan at:
Assault Information Campaign about         campaign- we are in the process            morgan.snow90@yahoo.com.au.
preventing sexual assault and how          of producing some literature and
to report it, what to expect, and your     posters etc. More discussion will be       On the Thursday of Pride Week, we
rights if you are sexually assaulted.      happening to shape the interactive         will be collaborating with the Queer
We’ll be having a few working bee’s        part of this campaign, which will          Collective to run a queer film night



ASK ABE
SRC HELP: Level 1 (Basement) Wentworth Building, City Road Entry
9660 5222 or help@src.usyd.edu.au
Hi Abe,                                    Dear Gang of Three,

A couple of friends and I have             The Department of Housing has a
decided to move into a flat together.      scheme called RENTSTART. This is
We hope to find somewhere near             where low income earners (under
Uni so we can save on travel. We           about $450 per week) can have
think we’ll be able to afford most         part of their bond paid for them,
things, but just wanted to know if         if they are on the lease. This is not
there was anything we could do to          a loan – you don’t have to pay it
get some financial help.                   back http://www.housing.nsw.gov.
                                           au. You do have to be on a regular
Gang of Three.                             income, like a part time job or a
                                           Centrelink payment, and have less
                                           than $1000 in the bank. If you are
                                           on a Centrelink payment you may be                          This column offers students the opportunity to ask questions on
                                           eligible for Rent Assistance. Just get a                    anything that may affect their “welfare”. This can be as personal
                                           rent certificate from Centrelink. Talk                      as a question on a Centrelink payment or as general as a question
                                           to an SRC caseworker if you need                            on the state of the world. If you would like to ask Abe a question
                                           help getting cheap furniture or have                        send an email to help@src.usyd.edu.au. Abe gathers his answers
                                           trouble paying your bills. They’re                          from experts in a number of areas. Coupled with his own expertise
                                           always happy to help.                                       on dealing with people, living on a low income and being a dog,
                                                                                                       Abe’s answers can provide you excellent insight.
                                           Abe.
                                                                                                                                                           >17
Postgraduate Information




www.supra.usyd.edu.au
                                                                    The SUPRA
 SAAO                     Students Beware: Employer of Choice
 Corner                   Reviews University Harassment Procedures
                          Recently the University of Sydney was one      education or update is received by all         wait for new clear and fair procedures?
 From the week            of over a hundred Australian businesses        staff every two years.  There is a huge        SUPRA’s view is that such a review needs
 beginning Monday         named as an Employer of Choice for             leap between this and their vision that        only to make minor amendments to the
 the 23 March 2009        Women by the Federal Government’s              women will not be harassed. Education          existing procedures, along with more
 we will be offering      Equal Opportunity for Women in the             is one tool, but excellent harassment          resources. The existing procedures were
 drop in appointments     Workplace Agency (EOWA). But don’t be          procedures and policies are essential to       developed many years ago through a highly
 of 30 minutes on         misled – this does not mean it is a perfect    ensure complaints of harassment are            reputable, external organisation, the Anti-
 Tuesdays 2pm -           place to work or study. As many students       handled fairly, confidentially and in a        Discrimination Board conducting a review
 4pm, Wednesdays
                          unfortunately know, the University is not      timey manner when they do arise in the         that involved significant consultation
 10am - 12pm and
                          free from harassment and discrimination        workplace.                                     across the University.      The resultant
 Thursdays 2pm - 4pm.
                          and the University’s moves in recent years                                                    procedures were designed so that a senior
 These are times that                                                    Harassment Review and the University
 students can walk in     to review its harassment and discrimination                                                   officer, the Manager of Harassment
                                                                         of Sydney
 and expect to see a      policy must be viewed with suspicion.                                                         and Discrimination Resolution, based
 Student Advice and                                                      Harassment and discrimination affects          outside the faculty structure, dealt with
                          What ‘Employer of Choice’ Means
 Advocacy Officer                                                        students as well staff. For some months        complaints. This was to ensure complaints
 (SAAO) straight away     As an Employer of Choice, the University       of last year, if you had looked for the        were handled by an expert in harassment
 or after waiting for a   can cite this ‘accolade’ in its recruitment    harassment and discrimination resolution       and were dealt with in a consistent, fair
 short period of time.    advertisements and other promotional           procedures on the University website,          and timely manner. The procedures may
                          material. EOWA sees this citation as a         you would not have found them! How             at first glance have seemed complex but
 During other times                                                      helpful and fair is that if you were facing    many transparent options in dealing with
                          way for a business to differentiate itself.
 appointments can be                                                     harassment and wanted to know what
                          Yet twenty-one of the other businesses                                                        harassment complaints is appropriate.
 made with a SAAO
                          named were tertiary institutions.              might be done about it?
 by:                                                                                                                    Shamefully      though,    despite   those
                          What impressed EOWA about the                  The University responded when SUPRA            procedures still officially being in place,
 * email: Send an         University? It commended the University        voiced its concern about this at the Student   the University has gone back to its old
 email to help@supra.                                                    Associations/Senate Liaision Committee         pre-1997 ways. The position of Manager
                          for offering one of Australia’s leading paid
 usyd.edu.au. This will                                                  meeting in October last year. As a result,
                          maternity leave schemes, for its Women                                                        of   Harassment       and   Discrimination
 be forwarded a SAAO
                          in leadership program and its Women in         if you now click on the harassment and         Resolution has been abolished. Now,
 who will endevour to
                          Science project.                               discrimination pages under the University’s    if a student makes a complaint to the
 respond within 24hrs.
 If possible, please                                                     Staff and Student Equal Opportunity            University that they are being bullied by
                          However, being an Employer of Choice           website, you will see that the procedures      a member of a Faculty, it is referred back
 include a telephone
                          for Women does not mean that there are         are accessible, but note that they are under   to the Faculty to investigate. Talk about
 contact number in
                          perfect conditions for women staff. It         review.
 your email so we                                                                                                       conflict of interest!
 can get back to you      only means that the University is better
                          than some other organisations in Australia     At that same October Committee meeting         Furthermore,      many     academics      and
 quickly.
                          and is meeting minimum government              SUPRA was told that the review was being       administrative staff do not have the training
 * Telephone: Call        requirements.                                  undertaken to simplify procedures and          and skills to resolve situations of bullying,
 the office on (02)                                                      encourage early resolution. The University     so they can be very reluctant to become
                          While EOWA has a vision of a perfect           advised that the Office of General Counsel
 9351 3715. Many                                                                                                        involved. When they do become involved,
 initial queries can      future, its requirements for an employer       was reviewing a draft. An exposure draft       they are often ineffectual at stopping the
 be solved through a      of choice is for the employer to deliver       of new procedures would soon be available      bullying or making any difference. So if
 conversation on the      improved outcomes for women and the            for consultation with SUPRA and other          you do find yourself being harassed, seek
 phone.                   business.    Note the word ‘improved’.         stakeholders before finalisation.              advice at SUPRA.
                          One specific EOWA requirement is that
 * In writing: Send a     the ‘Pay equity gap between average            In February 2009, SUPRA was directed to
 fax to (02) 9351 6400    male and female salaries at each level of      a staff member who advised that they did
 or post your letter to   the organisation is less than the national     not know when the draft procedures would
 SUPRA                    gender gap identified by ABS research          be distributed for comment and could
 Raglan Street Building                                                  provide very little information on what
                          (currently 17%).’ This is a long way from
 (G10)                                                                   changes were proposed. SUPRA followed
                          EOWA’s vision of the future where women
 Darlington Campus                                                       up with a further question about the
                          will receive equal pay for their equal work
 UNIVERSITY OF SYDNEY
                          contribution.                                  review to the Student Association/ Senate
 NSW 2006
                                                                         Liaison Committee meeting in March.
                          EOWA’s Harassment Requirements for
 * Website: Fill in the                                                  SUPRA was advised that Deputy Vice
                          ‘Employer of Choice’
 online form at http://                                                  Chancellor (Education) Anne Brewer was
 www.supra.usyd.edu.      And what about harassment? EOWA’s              now handling it as part of a larger project
 au/Adv/Contact_a_        prerequisite   is   that   organisations       - the ‘Workslate’ Project on Complaint
 SAAO.html                demonstrate that sex-based harassment          and Dispute Handling, Grievance and
                          training is conducted for all staff            Misconduct Proceedings.
                          (including management, contract staff and
                                                                         How much longer will students need to
                          casual staff) at induction and refresher

18
                                                                                                                               Postgraduate Information




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All students, but women in particular,
need to feel comfortable that if they
                                             Discrimination Board of New South
                                             Wales. A review is indeed needed, but it
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that it will be dealt with quickly and
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fairly. In recent years there has been
insidious and backward changes to
                                             Ann Turner,                                                                                it’s FREE!
                                             Student Advice and Advocacy Officer
the procedures originally developed in
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                                                                        I too joined in leafleting the surge of bottle-necked              faxing
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Israeli Defence Force soldiers blocked the campus entrance with         Students For Palestine, proving that this issue is still very   •	 Vote or run in the SUPRA
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ask, would the IDF be interested in the movements of Sydney             “Palestine Solidarity Week” is shaping up to be lively and         representative student
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Of course I.D.F are much too busy running checkpoints in                1st in the Quad General Lecture Theatre! Be there to            you will be able to:
Palestine to come onto campuses here in Sydney. The soldiers were       show your support and get involved with the campaign!
in fact costumed members of the cross campus group, endorsed                                                                            •	 Access all of the above
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just theatre, the felling of terror was chilling.                                                                                          Welcome Pack (including
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One of the organisers of the event, Patrick Langosch, said “we                                                                          the SUPRA office.
simulated the checkpoint here today to remind people of the terror
Palestinians go through day to day just to move around their own
land. We wanted to grab students’ attention and invite them to
get involved in the campaign. The tactic seemed to work!”                                                                                  Raglan Street Building (G10)
                                                                                                                                           Darlington Campus
Many students were rightly frustrated by the “checkpoint”, and                                                                             University of Sydney NSW 2006
many hung around to discuss the issue of Israel’s occupation of                                                                            Phone: (02) 9351 3715
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What’s coming up at SUPRA (see www.supra.usyd.edu.au for more information)

Mon 30 March          Palestine Solidarity Week


Fri 3 April @ 6pm     Queer Network Film Screening @ SUPRA - The Life and Times of Harvey Milk


Mon 20 April          Postgrad Week - Details soon...


Coming Soon           SUPRA Elections for the 2009-10 Council


                                                                                                                                                                          19
                                                                                                                                      V Festival =
THEATRE                                      CONCERT                                   CINEMA                                        Promo Heaven
Travesties                                   James Morrison and Emma Pask              Family Demons                                    Jonno Seidler got Festered.
Dear Sir Tom Stoppard,                       Wading though a horde of picnicking       Recent trends toward big-budget
                                             retirees on the lawns of Taronga Zoo,     gore flicks have left “horror” a little
Oh Tom. You are too clever for your          I had doubts. With a crowd this old,      neglected in the Australian film
own good. Did you know that? I just          no doubt grandparents of indie kids       industry. Financers tend instead to
saw your play, Travesties, performed         rocking on at the Abercrombie, I was      back quirky dramas that have the
by the STC at the Drama Theatre in           certain the evening’s entertainment       potential to compete internationally.
the Opera House. And I have to say, it       was to be similarly geriatric. I found
was pretty good. The acting was good,        my group, planted the rug and popped      So with little support and a self-
the design was brilliant and there           the cork on a good bottle of red. The     financed $6,500 budget, Ursula
was a revolving stage. As expected           setting was fantastic and the wine        Dabrowsky shot Family Demons,
with STC audiences, about 80% had            went down well, most of it before the     which premiered last week in Sydney
greying hair, haw-hawing away to
                                                                                                                                   “My festish for Lesbians and Midgets”
                                             show began. How very Mosman.              as part of the “Night of Horror
demonstrate they got the more literary                                                 International Film Festival”.               I’ve always vowed that being a
of your jokes.                               We were planted front and centre in                                                   creative, dole-bludging type, I would
                                             a natural amphitheatre toward the         Best described as a psychological           never whore myself out to a major
I wouldn’t have thought that you             bottom of the zoo, packed to capacity     horror, Family Demons sees an               corporation.
could explore Dada, World War I              with jazz enthusiasts nibbling on         abused teenager kill her alcoholic
trench warfare, early C20th Fashion,         salmon blinis and guacamole. With         mother, who returns as an evil spirit       But let me tell you, after this weekend,
Bolshevism and Modernism through             a good view down to the harbour, the      to continue the girl’s mental and           if there’s one brand I’d love to sell out
the lens of an Oscar Wilde play, but you     sun dipped below the horizon and the      physical imprisonment.                      for, it’s Richard Branson’s Virgin. V
did. Your genius intertextuality kept        lights on the domed stage faded down.                                                 Festival, a music extravaganza put
us happy on so many levels; and those        Out came the band. James Morrison         I entered the cinema a little sceptical.    on by the phone/flight/space mogul
of us who had read the (Importance of        – certainly Australia’s most acclaimed    It’s hard to convince cynical audiences     is a brilliant exercise in product
Being Earnest) enjoyed your allusions        jazz musician, arguably of any genre      that they should be afraid of what’s        placement, advertising and complete
and rhetorical horseplay all the more.       – picked up his trumpet and blasted       on the screen, especially on a budget.      consumer decadence.
In fact you are probably just a little too   out a few upbeat numbers, then            Running for 80 minutes, the horror
fond of that sort of thing; your editors     introduced his people with a series of    conventions employed are at times           Vowing to ‘Right Music Wrongs’ via
should grow some balls and tell you          shockingly poor dad jokes. Needless       a little comical; the zombie hands          a gigantic ad campaign and website,
your plays are just too long, Tom. I’m       to say, the dads in the crowd loved it.   escaping dirt graves and high-              Virgin once again ramp things to n’th
sorry, but it’s true.                        Audience rapport, tick.                   pitched violin chords kept me smiling       degree, like it’s a totally normal day
                                                                                       wryly and seemed to confirm my              at the office. Average punters can
You’ll be pleased to know that the           Throughout the two hour set,              cocky assumption that this might            pick up free Coke Zero and Lipton
design was exceptional. The set,             ‘Australia’s finest jazz players’ (as     just be an amateurish nod to an             Ice Tea, have their photos taken with
costumes and lighting had just the           they were introduced) lived up to         underappreciated genre.                     hot Jagermeister girls (moral panic
right blend of whimsy, theatricality and     their collective title. The band – sax,                                               alert!) and party in the Red Bull Flight
realism that exactly complemented the        percussion, drums, bass and rhythm        Then something amazing happened.            lounge. Branson and co. also make
tone of the piece; ditto, the direction.     guitar – played a couple of improvised    The film took a turn, picking up pace       sure this isn’t one of those wanky ‘we
Your verbosity is aptly represented in       solos throughout, each as remarkable      and suspense and culminating in a           need lots of Aussie groups’ shindigs –
the set, the density of the language is      as the next.                              twist that I am not too proud to admit      most of the bands are British (better)
alleviated by song and dance routines,                                                 I didn’t see coming. Somewhere              while the national Battle of The Bands
the intellectual comedy enhanced             Singer Emma Pask, spotted by              along the way I was forced to allay         side-project, ‘Garage to V’, still yields
by delicious costumes and energetic          Morrison fronting a high school jazz      my pretension and enjoy the plot            great results year after year.
slapstick.                                   band 15 years ago, is a husky mezzo-      development. The film left me
                                             soprano, fusing the timbre of Ella        convinced that arguments about              But the best part of V Festival occurs
The actors, too, acquitted themselves        Fitzgerald, Madeline Peyroux and          small filmmakers being unable to            if you’re a Virgin Mobile customer.
with grace. Jonathan Biggins, that           Norah Jones. Her musicality is almost     compete with Hollywood in this arena        This guarantees you access to the
mainstay of Australian comedy for the        as outstanding as Morrison’s, and the     are completely flawed – audiences           Louder Lounge, which is truly a
middle-class, middle-aged-spreaders          pair’s onstage chemistry was excellent.   don’t need big-budget special effects       spectacle in and of itself. To make you
was delightful in the main role of           A remarkable cover of ‘Georgia’ and       and trickery to connect with horror.        look like a million bucks, Tony and
Henry Carr, whose reminiscences              ‘Autumn Leaves’ was followed with         Indeed, a return to simplicity and          Guy Hair, Napoleon Perdis make up
from later years frame the action.           Morrison’s musing of a way-back Ray       low-budget creativity is perhaps what       and professional photographers treat
Toby Schmitz was divine in the role of       Charles duet, leaving the audience        the genre needs, to avoid the closure       average slobs like gods. The drinks are
Dadaist poet Tristan Tzara, even from        spellbound.                               of playing ideas out to their entirety      free, as is the backstage barbie and the
my squinty position 6/7ths of the way                                                  and instead leaving audiences with          real toilets complete with expensive
back. In fact my only other criticism        In the second half Morrison delivered a   a sense of unease, with something to        hand-wash, mints, deodorant and
was that the theatre was rather too          string of trumpet and trombone solos,     mull over as they lie awake that night.     sunscreen. Customer satisfaction
large for the nuanced work the actors        a bluesy Fur Elise, and some samba-                                                   and unique gimmicks means that
were doing, but that’s the fault of          infused Broadway hits. A playful turn     The fact that this film made it to the      most people here barely notice the
Cate and Andrew. The supporting              on the auto-tune keyboard, which          screen is an admirable achievement          massive set times fuck up, besides,
cast was all excellent, peopled with         matched spoken input with notes           in and of itself; produced, written,        they’re all losing their shit when 90s
James Joyce and Lenin, and a saucy           played, provided backup vocals to         directed and edited by the same person      hero Vanilla Ice actually materialises
librarian.                                   Pask’s lead in a couple of subsequent     in a labour of love spanning almost         and performs, pretty much because
                                             tunes.                                    three years. The young Cassandra            Branson told him to. Even the stage
Australian theatre needs work                                                          Kane is outstanding as the film’s lead,     branding (‘This’, ‘That’, and ‘Other’)
like this. An exemplar of the most           By the inevitable encore, the             convincingly panting and looking            is kitsch – no stone is left unturned
exceptional literature of modern             crowd was enrapt, and so were we.         fearful for the film’s entirety. Kane is    at what is truly a shining example of
times, it is unashamedly theatre for         Morrison is a seasoned (if a little       well supported by Kerry Reid as the         how to treat your crowd.
intelligent people. The five people          daggy) professional, and a superb live    deranged mother and Alex Rafalowicz
beside me who left after interval are        performer. The coked-up main act          of Shine and Look Both Ways fame.           It takes a lot to make me feel like I’m
clearly not those people. I’m not going      at the Abercrombie could learn a lot      Family Demons now travels to the            a ten year old at The Easter Show
to claim that I understood everything        from him.                                 “Bram Stoker International Film             again, but this pretty much takes the
you set out to do, but I appreciated it                                                Festival” in England while trying to        cake. So Virgin, if you’re hiring, I’m
all the more because I didn’t.               4/5                                       find a distributor. I hope for your sake,   ready when you are. Just don’t send
                                                                                       and the film’s, that it does.               me to the moon; I’m kind of scared of
                                             George Downing                                                                        heights.
Sincerely,                                                                             3.5/5
Vivienne Egan
                                                                                       Paul Mackay




>20
            Grandiose Desert Design                                                                          The Price is Rice
             Sriram Srikumar sent us a courier pigeon from Dubai                                           Mark Di Stefano got Thai’d up on King St
                                                                                       Newtown Thai restaurants are the            By the time it did come out, my
                                                                                       ultimate example of a neo-liberal           friends were impatiently looking at
                                                                                       market system. With an outlet on            their watches and counting down
                                                                                       every corner, the price of a substantial    the seconds until their next tutorial
                                                                                       Thai meal for lunch has been supplied       started, while I looked at what could
                                                                                       and demanded all the way down to $6-        only be described as an abomination
                                                                                       6.50.                                       of a dish.
                                                                                                                                   I told my compatriots that I was going
                                                                                       Inherent in this kind of market is the      to staunchly protest the service, quality
                                                                                       race-to-the-bottom aspect of open           and lingering queasiness of my meal,
                                                                                       and unregulated trade, whereby price        and not pay, and that they could not
                                                                                       will continue to drop in response to        get away with treating students like
                                                                                       competitive forces. But with this comes     communist era field workers shuffling
                                                                                       pressure on restaurateurs to cut costs      in and out of a subterranean mess
                                                                                       and keep a high turn over of plates.        hall.

                                                                                       In Newtown Thai’s case, this sees           But as I got to the counter, and a
                                                                                       low quality meals, students huddled         smiling lady asked for our $6, my
What would happen if you gave men           centre” is a loose term. One contains      around undersized tables and a              hand snuck its way into my pocket and
a desert, lots of money and cruelly         an indoor ski-ramp and another hosts       terribly low level of customer service.     plucked out three shiny coins. I paid
cheap manual labour? They’d build           an aquarium to rival the world’s best.     Expect to be yelled at by young Thai        because it was only $6. I paid because I
unnecessarily tall towers, large            This includes a glorified fish tank that   girls whose neutral expression is one       have had some fantastic meals before.
shopping centres and a bloody ski           was about two storeys tall and full of     of total efficiency and anger. Expect for   I paid because I hate those who don’t. I
ramp in the middle of the dessert,          sharks, sting-rays (I was patriotic, I     1 in 5 Chicken Pad Thais to be heavy        paid because I didn’t fancy myself in a
apparently. If human stubbornness           didn’t admire these) and other large       on the tofu and sans chicken. Expect to     verbal with the King St. Matriarch.
and male ego were a city, it’d be           fish.                                      be waiting for over an hour for a meal,
Dubai.                                                                                 whose critical components only need         As I stumbled out onto the street,
                                            And it seems people from all over the      86 seconds of searing in an ageing          totally dejected at my Thai meal from
I arrived at Dubai on Sunday morning        world come to admire. Dubai has one        wok. And last week, that is where I         hell, I looked right, down King St and
which is the first day of the week here,    of the most multi-cultural populations     found myself. Waiting 86 minutes for        decried capitalism.
Friday (prayers) and Saturday mark          I’ve observed: North Africans, Russians    a Beef Pad See Eiw at one of the bigger
the weekend. My view of the pleasantly      (the ones I saw were definitely mafia),    restaurants on King St, Thai La-Ong.        There sits now proudly Thai-La-Ong
peaceful desert oasis fell apart pretty     Europeans, Chinese, Indians, more                                                      2. Global Financial Crisis?
quickly. The traffic jams are legendary,    Indians and, of course, Ay-rabs.           Every time I asked for a status update,     Welcome to the Newtown Thai Boom.
our taxi driver told us it was so bad       Our local guide told me that Dubai         I got a half smile of “yes, yes”, and a
that office goers regularly drive into      is a honey-pot which surrounding           “promise” that it would be out soon.
work at 4AM and sleep in the car, so as     businesspeople and celebrities just        Femme-Fashion                               by the 1930s the actress Katherine
to avoid the traffic.                       can’t resist.                              Anusha Rutnam                               Hepburn and director Dorothy
                                                                                                                                   Arzner were gam-ing it up on film
Maybe because of the surrounding            For all this exotic spectacle and                                                      sets (the former favouring the high-
desert or the large amount of               glamour, Dubai definitely lacks                                                        waisted paper-bag style that has
construction going on (it was               something. There is no sense of                                                        recently enjoyed a comeback.)
physically impossible to not look           identity or history. The city has been
at a construction crane), the city is       built purely for an aesthetic wow                                                      Also in the early 20th century
shrouded in a perennial dust cloud.         factor. It’s as though you’ve visited                                                  suffragettes took to the streets to
Through this mystical haze, you realise     (an admittedly impressive) theme                                                       demand the vote, their physical
that the city is full of spectacle. The     park. Nothing’s quite real. You get                                                    and political strides moving in
world’s only 7-star hotel, the world’s      the feeling that the city spends much                                                  opposition to the binding clothes
tallest tower and the Palm Jumeirah         of the time distracting its inhabitants                                                they wore. Photographs from
resort (islands built into the shape of     from the fact that they’re in the middle                                               rallies of the time are made all
a palm tree) all live up to the hype. For   of a desert.                                                                           the more poignant by the fact that
those inclined to stay indoors, there                                                                                              the women involved are garbed
are the shopping centres. “Shopping                                                                                                in corsets, ankle length skirts
                                                                                                                                   and gargantuan Edwardian hats.
                                                                                                                                   Indeed the pop-tards who are now
                                                                                       It is a sad truth that ‘feminism’ and       sometimes labelled as being part
                                                                                       ‘fashion’ are two words seldom              of a ‘third-wave’ of feminism, also
                                                                                       uttered in the same sentence. One           wear corsets, though they tend to
                                                                                       reason for this regrettable state of        favour latex over linen.
                                                                                       affairs might be that the image of the
                                                                                       somewhataestheticallychallenged,            Coco Chanel is often credited with
                                                                                       bra-burning        Second     Wavers        being a feminist designer, and it is
                                                                                       is still the go-to in the popular           true that her clothes offered women
                                                                                       media whenever ‘Feminism’ is                a hitherto unparalleled freedom of
                                                                                       mentioned. Or perhaps to blame              movement, and new ideas about
                                                                                       are the many feminists who have             femininity in the 1920s. In 1985
                                                                                       condemned the fashion system                Vivienne Westwood came at us, like
                                                                                       for a being a teensy-weensy                 a beam, like a ray, like a buzzard,
                                                                                       bit sexist, suggesting it reduces           with her Mini Crini collection. With
                                                                                       women to mere consumer objects.             their exaggeratedly curvaceous
                                                                                       Whatever the case, there is in fact         silhouettes the clothes were a
                                                                                       a rich sartorial history associated         challenge to the heavily shoulder-
                                                                                       with the feminist movement which            padded styles that at the time, were
                                                                                       deserves recognition.                       favoured by women entering the
                                                                                                                                   corporate world. Westwood noted
                                                                                       To the horror of many a Prudy               ‘I’ve never thought it powerful to
                                                                                       Rudy, the late 19th century saw the         be like a second-rate man’. Damn
                                                                                       appearance of bifurcated garments           straight, V-Dubs.
        A Time and a Place                                                             (i.e. pants) on Western women,
                                                                                       raising many questions about
                                                                                       the relationship between gender
                                                                                       identity and clothing. Although the
                                                                                       ‘Yeah, I do have legs, so suck it’ look
                                                                                       would remain taboo for some time,
                                                                                                                                                           >21
Sprinting Across Campus                                                                                                            Aussie Soccer
SPORT Bronwyn Cowell looks at the sporting talent coming out of USYD.                                                              SPORT Antony Faisandier gives the
Sydney Uni has a proud tradition of        Uni’s sporting facilities, as well as a     that Sydney Uni sport is absolutely         A-League the red card.
sporting achievement. Our sports           professional strength and conditioning      nothing to be sneezed at. Stuart Clarke,
fields and lectures halls alike are        service. They get discounts on physio       an Australian fast bowler with close to     With the creation of the A-League
routinely trod by talented, hard           and massage at the Sports Clinic and        100 test wickets, has just started Grad     in 2004, football has burst on to the
working sportspeople, many of whom         can access the assistance of a sports       Law after completing a Masters in           Australian sports scene with all the
go on to high profile national and         dietician to help them identify just how    Commerce. Tom Clarke plays for the          enthusiasm of a poor cousin who
international careers. You’ll recognise    much they should carbo-load.                Waratahs and has an Environmental           is now slightly less poor. This has
these future stars when you see them.                                                  Science degree up his sleeve (along         certainly been an improvement - prior
Well-sculpted, fit and vital, they bear                                                with what one imagines is a fine            to the A-league the average attendance
little resemblance to the bleary-eyed,                                                 set of biceps). Sarah Stewart won a         at top flight domestic football matches
caffeine-inoculated USYD masses.                                                       bronze medal in wheelchair basketball       was less than 4000 - but that is not to
They also tend to wear backpacks that                                                  at the 2008 Olympics and studies            say that all is rosy.
helpfully identify them as members of                                                  Philosophy at the same time. While
Sydney Uni Sport and Fitness’ Elite                                                    most of us can’t manage to stagger          Originally I intended to write a
Athlete Program.                                                                       out of bed for a breathless 20 minute       brief history of the A-league, but
                                                                                       jog, these guys juggle a degree with the    there are more important questions
This scheme, begun in 1990 and now                                                     exhausting training required to be a        confronting Australian football. The
supporting roughly 300 students,                                                       top-performing athlete.                     core supporters of the A-League are
offers talented athletes amounts of                                                                                                fanatical - anyone who has seen the
$1,000 - $5,000 to put towards the                                                     There isn’t much of a culture of            Cove in full song can’t argue with
cost of their degree or their particular                                               supporting our sports teams at uni,         that - but its appeal has struggled to
area of sporting endeavour. Students                                                   at least not compared to the fanatical      expand beyond this group.
can also access scholarships offered by                                                devotion college sport attracts in the
Sydney Uni Sport and Fitness (SUSF)                                                    US. That kind of hero-worship might         The question is therefore, why do
in conjunction with the various            Running late to PHIL2615                    be going a little far, but sitting in the   the majority of Australian football
residential colleges, to help with the                                                 shade beside our main oval, watching        fans owe their first allegiance to
big chunks of moolah one has to part       You can also forget the dumb jock           big sweaty rugby players run around in      international clubs? Why is it more
with in order to live on campus. If the    stereotype propagated by teen movies        the sun isn’t the worst way to spend an     common to see an Arsenal jersey than
athlete is super-talented enough to        and rugby league press conferences.         afternoon.                                  a Sydney FC strip?
make it to big national or international   Our cricketers, rowers, runners et al.
competitions, SUSF will help cover         have got some serious brains, and the       The Elite Athlete Program attracts top
whatever travel costs they can.            Elite Athlete Program offers academic       talent to our uni and makes sure they
                                           support including tuition and personal      don’t stumble under the heavy load of
On top of this sweet cash handout          development seminars to make sure           study, work and training. Say what you
(Rudd ain’t got nothin’ on SUSF) the       their athletes can count on some form       will about spending cash on a small
athletes have access to a veritable        of earning potential once their knees       elite, but after hearing what these guys
smorgasbord     of    sporting    and      give out in their early thirties.           go through just to get a degree and play
academic support. When it comes to                                                     the sport they love, it’s pretty hard not
honing themselves into ever-meaner         So who are these people? The                to come away very impressed… and
streaks of pure talent, they can take      Athlete Guide for 2009, provided to         thinking more seriously about going
advantage of free membership to the        participants of the Program, proves         for that jog.




                                           glorious city of Sydney Council. One        Surprisingly, the ‘Carnivale’ theme
                                           aspect of this creative approach was        played well to the crowd.
Wesley                                     the extremely late announcement that
                                           the event would be BYO – a strictly         As the nightfall enveloped the
Informal v2                                unintentional measure and a direct
                                           result of an administrative bungle
                                                                                       college, and the novelty of tipping
                                                                                       iced water over enthusiastic
                                                                                                                                   Look. A ball.
Eugene Julio “The Alligator”               whereby the alcohol licence (that bit       freshers wore thin, headlining acts
                                                                                       convened on stage. Established              The reality is this: football is an
Troutsmith cracks a chilly UDL.            of paper someone need to sign) wasn’t                                                   international game, and in Australia
                                           actually submitted by the due date.         house/electro DJ Hook ‘N’ Sling
                                                                                       was first up, playing an enthralling        it is exclusively an international game.
                                                                                       set that had the place pumping.             Modern international football offers
                                           Oops.                                                                                   a glimpse at glamour and celebrity
                                                                                       But the best was saved till last with
                                                                                       the artful (get it?) Art vs. Science        unrivalled by anything in sporting
                                           Monumental fuck-ups aside, this                                                         history. Soccer has been the cause of
                                           proved to be a real selling point for the   – indie heroes in their own right
                                                                                       and a great choice for a party such         war, as in the famous Football War
                                           evening and did more good than harm.                                                    between Honduras and El Salvador in
                                           The College’s bottom line will suffer       as this. The band, comprised of ex-
                                                                                       Sydney Uni College kids, took it            1969, and the great conflict resolver.
                                           big time though – “informals” are the                                                   It has saved struggling economies and
                                           principal stream of the College’s social    right back where they started from
                                                                                       and brought the house down. The             united complex populations behind
                                           revenue (read: beer money). Not good                                                    one great hope.
                                           in the middle of a GFC.                     dancefloor erupted and for those
                                                                                       brave enough to convene, a sweaty
                                                                                       and packed mosh was had by all.             Australia, however, doesn’t seem to
The crowd enjoying a few quiet ones        But back to the party… the somewhat                                                     understand this. Domestic football
                                           optimistic opening hour – 3pm               Seriously, it got hectic. Wow.
                                                                                                                                   for us is just a winter code, the same
As if Paul’s College Informal wasn’t       – was largely ignored (uni and                                                          as any other. It has scandals (Aurelio
enough, Wesley College’s Carnivale         all) and it wasn’t until 6pm that           And what College informal would
                                                                                       be complete without a performer             Vidmar is an early frontrunner for
kicked off Wednesday 25 March.             partygoers deemed it necessary to                                                       best press conference blow up ever),
Wesley have traditionally offered          arrive, fashionably late to boot. BWS       sculling a beer then thrashing out
                                                                                       a guitar solo – a truly legendary           it does north-of-the-border multi-
their annual festival-cum-fundraiser       Newtown evidently did their best                                                        franchise prostitution just as well as
late in Semester 2 (the cringe-worthy      trading day of the year as beers and        moment. I want that guy’s babies.
                                                                                       Dare I neglect to mention the               the Superleague ever did, and it has,
‘Westock’), but 2009 saw the inclusion     tax-avoiding-malt-based-RTD’s were                                                      for a time, been run by John O’Neill.
of a paradigm-shifting day/night           shipped though the gates and kept           inflatable penguins, all three of
                                                                                       them, for making it out there.              That’s not glamour football, that’s just
fixture on the college’s front lawn. The   chilled by the provided eskies and                                                      another version of every other game
novelty factor paid dividends.             ice – a crucial provision for any wild                                                  we invest our time in – and on that
                                           picnic.                                     Well that’s it from me, Eugene
                                                                                       Julio “The Alligator” Troutsmith.           front it just doesn’t have the history
The event earned full marks for                                                                                                    and tribalism to ever really take off.
their coy ingenuity under the much-        The crowd revelled in the company of        Until the next on-campus caper,
maligned     licensing   restrictions      Brazilian mascots, Mardi Gras girls         seeyoubye.
handed down by the party-pooper            (and boys), Capoeira dancers and
likes of Newtown Police and the            some people too cool to dress up at all.



>22
 Page 23.
Across
1. Personal best initially dies, broken, on two feet (6)
4. In bed, I’m simply delicious with soy sauce (3, 3)
7. Not a Melbourne afternoon secret paper (1. 1. 1.)
9. Minus two? (5)
10. Ran right between the eyes, 50-50 winning streak (2, 1, 4)
12. You sit on me and can produce me daily? (5)
13. Car collision with enough damage from above (7)
14. Land on a silencing agent, perhaps (6)
15. A nationality buff? (6)
17. Suave doctor with a swollen ape inside (6)
20. Prizes open first signs of damage (6) 25. Belgian city is an idiot
(7)
27. One who lives has one? (5)
28. Not an old, cloudy power (7)
29. Even raw logs are basic life forms (5)
30. German day, you’re it? (3)
31. Mr, try a messed up sacrifice (6)
32. This crossword writer man went after the bottom of Greta
Garbo (6)

Down
1. A road operation? (6)
2. Full of French “yes”? (7)
3. Princess Ovum Luggage primely let it slip (7)
5. Dig the news? (5)
6. Malcolm X not calm, red hot actually (6)
7. Why you couldn’t keep your eyes open if you were completely
awake? (6)
8. Light match for good advice? (3, 3)
11. One is in rising lava. Help! (5)
14. Omniscient hound returns (3)
16. He is, without a second, possessive (3)
18. Take the guts out and see (hear) after the beginning and the end
of a race (5)                                                                  SH
19. Tell someone about the sherry (6)
20. Off & on, girl goes back where liquid gold is found (3, 3)
21. Warns of avenue in a musical (7)
22. Mere rag transformed into a ruby, for example (4, 3)
23. Wine guns? (sic) (6)
24. A ventable organ? (6)
26. “The 14th, the 13th and the 5th,” said your foe (5)

WEEK 4 ANSWERS




                                                                         >23
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