Letter to Breville

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Letter to Breville Powered By Docstoc
					                     Mr. Steven Ferbrache
                      [Address redacted]

Mr. James Sizer (Communications Manager)
Breville HQ
Pulse Home Products Ltd.
Vine Mill
Middleton Road
Royton
Oldham
OL2 5LN

                                            22nd February 2012

RE: Breville and the Power of Puns

Dear Mr. Sizer,

It occurred to me the other day, as I wondered around my
kitchen searching for answers to difficult snack-related
questions, that I had not used my Breville sandwich maker in
some time. After further thought it occurred to me that it had
been in 2008 during the unification bout between Wladimir
Klitschko and Sultan Ibragimov.

There was a time when my Breville Sandwich maker (a 4-Slice
RT50) would feature in my snacking regime on a daily,
occasionally twice-daily basis! Are you finding more and more
people turning their backs on the traditional Sandwich Maker
as our toasted bread needs become more Panini-centric?      A
disturbing trend I’m sure you’ll agree.

I am willing to help turn this decline around. I am the
chairman of a London based (but internationally renowned)
Punning consultancy. For a fee, Punning house will be able to
provide you with a range of Puns to meet all your advertising
campaign needs. I have enclosed two Puns (free of charge in
this instance) and a summary of costs for your interest.
                 The Breville Wears
                       Prada

Notes:
Perhaps a tie-in with the high-end fashion label is exactly
what Breville needs to re-ignite the Sandwich maker flame.
Appealing to the cash-rich/time poor cosmopolitan snacker this
product could become a “must have” for the vapid but peckish
consumer.


              Better the Breville you
                       know!
Notes:
Fend off the sinister advances of Kenwood and Russell Hobbs
(boooo!) with this reassuring message. I would advise the
spokesperson for this campaign be a familiar face but one that
hasn’t been seen on television for a while. Below are some
suggestions:




Terry Nutkins (Parrot Optional)




Moses Kiptanui – legendary 3000m steeple chase runner

These are just two of the top-end Puns that Punning House can
offer you. I would be willing to visit Breville UK
Headquarters to take a “Cognitive shower” with you and your
staff with a view to generating Puns for Breville UK’s future
campaigns.
Below is my fee for the “Cognitive Shower” service:

Company:                   Service:            Punner:
Punning House              Cognitive           Steve Ferbrache
                           Shower
    Item           QTY       Description         Unit         Total
                                                 Cost          Cost

  Cognitive         1           A 3-day        £3450.50 £3450.50
   Shower                   group based Pun
   Service                    generating
                                session


   Mental           1        A feedback and    £1099.75 £1099.75
 “Towel-dry”                debrief session


   Lunches        3-Days      A range of       £499.00       £499.00
                               Panini’s

                                                Sub Total:   £5049.25
                                                  VAT        £883.61
                                                  Total:     £5952.86


I’m   confident  you’ll   find  the   process  a   useful and
invigorating one. Over the three days I act very much as a
“Pun-enabler” bringing out the best in your advertising and
marketing executives. Here are some recent testimonials:

“Good stuff” - Dr. Paul Golby - CEO, E.ON UK

“A roller-coaster of emotions” - Benoit Testard – CEO, United
Biscuits

With the help of Punning House I can guarantee a 75% annual
increase in traditional sandwich maker sales. I look forward
to hearing from you soon.

Yours Sincerely




Steven Ferbrache
Chairman|Punning House

				
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