To reminisce, is to die, is to be found.
I look across a shaded misty meadow,
Half expecting to see you glide toward me.
I wonder, no. I guess your place.
My guess turns to hope, hope turns toward a dream.
Walking slowly with the voice of reason trying to break this jaded spell,
It echoes and fades to an underwater voice that I don’t understand.
No, I don’t want to understand it.
My mind feels drunk, intoxicated and lost.
A rush runs down my spine as the long grass brushes along my finger tips,
My eyes slowly close with anticipation and longing.
There’s dew on the meadow now,
The mist raises slightly I no longer see the ground,
To the sides of me I see trees, and I hear birds.
But it feels like night.
I frown to wonder why this is so.
I’ve walked for hours and hours through this meadow, still no end.
I’m getting cold now, the rush turns to chill.
Wrapping my arms tightly together, futility is human after all.
Rain slowly begins to fall, but when I look to my side.
The trees still look green and majestic,
The birds still sing,
The meadow is still beautiful.
I stop.
Confusion takes hold of my already crumbling mind and I turn,
Behind me the meadow is dead, the grass no longer there.
Just soil, nothing is left.
Even the Earth seems to be falling away.
“What about the trees?”
They burn brightly, their embers a red pyre of loss.
Anger wells up from some distant disjointed part of my somewhat lifeless soul.
Retribution becomes my finger tips,
Hate becomes my eyes,
I want the return of what I entered this place for.
Tears begin to fill my eyes I feel my soul rumble deep inside.
A scream almost tares open my jaw,
My vision is ripped away in pain.
Bird song ends.
Above a hand drops toward me, clutching.
Unable to move, fear takes my mind.
The hand grasps around my throat,
I allow it to continue.
It pulls me viciously upward, I feel limp.
My body is dragged upward at an ever quickening velocity,
Oxygen leaves my lungs and my eyes close.
Still conscious I feel the speed increase yet again.
I feel the heat take its severance from my body,
My head runs cold, moving quickly to the rest of my limbs.
The blackness in my mind becomes complete,
A faint light emerges, the blackness growls.
Filtering in from all angels sunlight, bright brilliant light.
As if being hit by a bull in the stomach, I am winded.
Air forced back inside of my deathly body,
Warmth poured into every essence of my being.
Water gushes from my mouth, leaving me vanquished.
I begin to regain feeling.
My souls last stand tries to gain a foothold in this alien pace.
A feeling overwhelming takes control,
I need to open my eyes.
My eye lids feel sewn shut,
But still I try.
At first a slight opening is forced.
The light stings my vision, still I continue.
Gradually my sight becomes accustomed, adjusted.
My eyes now open, I smile.
Around me the meadow is intact,
The grass and the smell of pollen fills my lungs.
Turning my head frontward,
This time my soul smiles.
You are here, with me, for me.
I try to move but you gently restrain me and smile.
Closing my eyes for a second, I sigh.
Opening my eyes, you are gone from sight.
I still feel you with me,
I know I always will.
Sunday, 17 October 2004