CHILDREN'S FEARS
Glen Stenhouse - Child Psychologist
Fears are a normal part of childhood because fear is an innate,
protective response to situations or objects which appear
threatening or dangerous. Fear is a useful emotion for the
survival of the individual and the species, and even very young
babies will show a startle reaction and distress to an event like a
sudden loud noise.
JOURNEY OF DISCOVERY
To understand the nature of children's fears, it is helpful to think
of childhood as a journey through unknown territory. As babies
move from the security of their mothers' arms, begin to crawl
around the lounge, then toddle off into the uncharted regions of
the back yard, they gradually push back the frontiers of the safe
and familiar. Along the way they encounter strange and
potentially dangerous situations and objects - steps, heaters,
dogs, darkness, noisy machines, unfamiliar adults - learning as
they go (a) how to deal with them, and (b) not to be afraid of
them. This learning process continues through childhood, with
each new experience teaching the child more about the world,
and reducing their fear of the unfamiliar and threatening.
KINDS OF FEARS
Almost all children experience fear at some stage in their
development, and it is interesting that they tend to experience
similar fears at similar ages.
Typical fears can be grouped into three main categories:
- environmental
- imaginary
- social
Environmental fears are understandable anxieties about real
things such as animals, thunder, the dark, and burglars.
Imaginary fears are worries about things such as ghosts and
monsters from stories and movies.
Social fears are anxieties about social situations such as being
separated from Mum, being left at preschool, starting school, and
joining a sports or some other group for the first time.
These three groups tend to follow a rough chronological order,
with toddlers and preschoolers more prone to environmental
fears, older preschoolers and early primary school children more
likely to experience imaginary fears, and social fears persisting
through to the teenage years and beyond. For example, not
many adults are scared of the dark, but there are plenty who
would feel anxious about speaking in front of an audience.
Children's fears also tend to become more realistic as they grow
older. For example, one survey of Australian teenagers showed
that their greatest fear was of nuclear war, followed by being in a
car accident or fire, falling from a high place, and encounters
with a burglar, snake, or poisonous spider.
DEALING WITH FEARS
Most parents seem to follow almost instinctively the basic
principles which have been shown to be effective in dealing with
children's fears.
1- Preparation
If at all possible, prepare your child for an experience which they
might find frightening. If you see the lightning flash, tell them
that a loud bang is coming. For children who have to go to
hospital, give them as much information as possible about what
is going to happen. There is no doubt that knowledge inoculates
against fear.
2 Modelling
Through your own behaviour, model or demonstrate the way you
would like your child to respond to a potentially scary situation.
Appropriate modelling helps in three ways. Firstly, it shows your
child what to do in the situation, which increases his own
confidence about being able to handle it and cope with it.
Secondly, it shows him that nothing bad is going to happen to
him. Thirdly, it teaches him the lesson that even if you are
feeling a bit scared, facing your fear is the best way to deal with
it.
It is important to keep your own anxieties under wraps,
especially if you know that your own fears tend to be unrealistic
or excessive. Children can be taught to be afraid of things, which
they would otherwise happily deal with, by observing their
parents' anxieties.
3 Gradual exposure
If your child has a particular fear, help her to overcome it by
exposing her to it in gradual steps, from least to most scary. For
example, if she is afraid of dogs, start with pictures of dogs, then
observing dogs at a distance, then patting a small, quiet dog,
then patting and stroking bigger, passive dogs. Fear of
separation can be dealt with by gradually increasing the time you
are away, from five minutes through to a few hours.
Graduated exposure to the feared object or situation is more
likely to be successful than "throwing in at the deep end", which
runs the risk of increasing a child's anxiety about the situation.
Let your child set the pace by choosing what the next step will be
in confronting their fear. Progress will be more rapid if he stays
within his comfort zone as he moves from step to step.
4 Praise
Highlight and praise the progress your child is making in dealing
with his fears. Reinforce the message that he is being very brave,
because in doing so you are making the quality of being brave a
part of his self-image, which will help him to deal with future
fears.
SHY CHILDREN
A small percentage of children seem to be fearful by nature or
temperament. From an early age their usual response to new
situations tends to be avoidance or withdrawal, and they seem to
be generally more worried and anxious than other children.
Temperamentally anxious children present a special challenge to
parents who want them to take part with confidence in the usual
range of childhood activities. Despite their best intentions,
parents can become exasperated and impatient with their
children's anxieties and clinginess, a reaction which tends to
make the problem worse.
Chronically anxious children, who are sometimes described as
being "shy", simply find it hard to do the things that other
children take in their stride, particularly in regard to social
activities. In order to help their shy child, parents need to:
accept that their child has a genuine problem, and is not
just being difficult for the sake of it
adjust their expectations for social competence to a level
closer to what their child is able to achieve
find the delicate balance of encouraging and supporting
their child to try new activities without placing them under
the constant pressure of being forced to do things that
don't come naturally
use the procedures for dealing with specific fears outlined
above
seek professional help from a child psychologist if their
child's enjoyment of life is being significantly impaired by
the severity of their general shyness or more specific
anxieties.