A topic that you don't find often when searching the self-help section is
making friends. However, success in friendships is no less important than
success in finances and may even go hand in hand. When given the choice
people will typically do business with the people they know, like and
trust. So wouldn't it make sense that we successfully learn how to build
friendships and keep them in our journey to excellence?
One of the all time books on making friends is How to Win Friends and
Influence People by Dale Carnegie. Though this book was originally
published in the 1930's it holds timeless principles that we can continue
to learn from and utilize today. Some would call these principles old
fashioned and not relevant in today's social media world, however that
could not be further from the truth.
So what is the secret to creating friendships in today's ever growing
high tech social environment? Surprisingly the same as they were when
Dale Carnegie's book was first published. Here are some things to think
about and apply as you are creating successful friendships.
Listen Intently
A sure way to not create friends is to not listen or pay attention to
anything they say. The number one way to start building relationships
with other people is to be interested in what they are saying. Really
listen to what the person is saying; don't just think about the next
thing you are going to say.
Smile
This step is harder for some of us than others; however smiling is an
important piece in quickly creating friendships. No one wants to make
friends with someone who seems like they are gloomy or depressed. So make
it a point to be enthusiastic and to smile!
Let them do 80% of the talking
This may seem like it should have been listed under listening intently,
however most of us want to start talking about and telling our stories
the first chance we get. Encourage your new friend to talk about
themselves and see how quickly you will win a new friend.
Ask questions
Be sure to ask questions that will help you get to know your new friend.
It is ok to start out with small talk and work your way up. Conversations
rarely start out with the deep subjects, but as you continue to listen to
them opportunities will appear where you can take the conversation to the
next level.
Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain
Especially with your new friends even as much as you want to you must
avoid any temptation to criticize, condemn or complain. This doesn't just
mean about them, this means about anything! Remember to keep a good
attitude and keep the conversation upbeat and positive.
Avoid Arguments
Again as with the last step, especially with new friends, avoid this like
the plague. No one wins an argument! If you feel like you did win the
argument you probably did so in losing a friend. A person convinced
against their will is of the same opinion still. If you want to keep
friends and maintain successful friendships than avoid arguments at all
cost!
I hope this sheds some insight into the importance of creating and
maintaining friendships. I also hope this dispels the myth that we can
depend on social media and internet marketing to do all the work for us
and not have to use the principles here in order build lasting
relationships.
I encourage you to read How to Win Friends and Influence People, in fact
don't just read it study it! If we can learn the art of friendship and
create those friendships not just for our own selfish personal gain but
real lasting friendships than they will be cherished more than their
weight in gold.