There are times in life when we are all aware of the need to introduce
new people into our lives. We may have started a new job, have just come
out of a longterm relationship, or are simply feeling the need to freshen
up our existing patterns and routines.
Here are a few thoughts on ways for you to introduce new people and
friendships into your life:
- It may be important to first work on your confidence and self-esteem
levels. Some people find that starting to make friends from scratch is a
daunting proposition; who would want to be their friend, where do they
start? Addressing issues, healing the negative inner voice and longterm
patterns of behaviour may require hypnotherapy or counselling to allow a
more positive attitude and outlook to emerge.
- Identify what interests you. There is no point in committing to
regularly go to watch football matches or rock concerts if the prospect
fills you with dread. Decide what you would like to do, what appeals to
you and then investigate that option.
- Take new relationships steady. If you're going somewhere regularly,
like work, the gym, a club, there are going to be people whom you see on
a regular basis. Smiling and saying hello may lead to the opportunity to
ask if they have time for a coffee, or would they be interested in
sharing a quick bite of supper later.
- Observe how others interact. Social skills are learned over time. New
children will stand to one side and watch a group before they join in.
They see what is acceptable, who they like and who they are wary of.
Adult relationships are no different. Discovering what is customary in a
group helps you to learn how to easily fit in.
- Be aware of your own boundaries. It's important to feel comfortable and
be yourself. There may be certain things that interest you, whilst other
things are not to your taste. Allow yourself to go along with what feels
right for you. Trying out new interests can be important as a way of
gaining new experiences but regularly committing to things out of a
desire to fit in or to please others can result in you becoming unhappy
and frustrated at the amount of time and energy you waste.
- Accept invitations. Going somewhere, even somewhere that may not sound
too appealing can be a useful introduction to other people or interests.
And you may surprise yourself at how well the opportunity turns out.
- Rejection need not be taken personally. Sometimes people will decline
your invitation or not appear interested in following your lead. In the
same way that you may have made a prior arrangement or are not keen on
some activities, accept that as being a possibility for them too. Be
resilient, accept that some situations don't work out and move on. And
indeed, just as there are some people you are not too keen on, determine
to focus on the ones you like and who like you.
- Have a plan b. Keep your spirits up. If there are times, like Bank
Holidays, Valentines Day or your birthday, when you have nothing
arranged, use that as a time to pamper yourself. Treat yourself to your
favourite food, organise a film that you wanted to see, set aside time to
read a book, listen to music, buy yourself a big bunch of flowers and
make it a special time for yourself.
Not everyone in your life needs to be a special friend. Enjoy the people
you meet, who appear to like you. Be relaxed and avail yourself of the
social opportunities that come your way. By adopting a more relaxed
approach you may well find that you have a full social diary and lots of
friends and interesting people in your life.
Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with stressed
individuals to promote confidence and self belief, with couples in crisis
to improve communications and understanding and with business clients to
support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams.