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Letter to Chris Ruane redacted by thepun-off


									                   Mr. Steven A. Ferbrache
                      [Address redacted]

Chris Ruane MP
Labour Member of Parliament for The Vale of Clwyd
25 Kinmel Street
LL18 1AH


RE: Rhyl and the Power of Puns

Dear Mr. Ruane,

I must not hesitate in commending you on your long standing
commitment to the people of Rhyl. Your admirable ubiquity has
no doubt provided great comfort to the good people of what is
undoubtedly a good town.

I am writing to you in my capacity as a caring former resident
of Rhyl and also as a keen advocate for the regeneration of
Seaside towns across the country. I am also a campaigner for
the art of Puns and the highly cherished (and occasionally
maligned) act of Punning. I currently occupy a position of
trust and authority at Punning House; an organisation
dedicated to providing communities with an opportunity to Pun
competitively and casually.

With this in mind and in light of the growing demand for
Punning House’s consultative insight I have outlined some
suggestions (free of charge in this instance) for Puns that
might form part of any future regeneration campaigns. The
primary purpose of the campaigns would be to promote tourism,
business and industry into the area and promote a much needed
boost to Rhyl’s image.
          Campaign Puns for the regeneration of Rhyl

     “Rhyl! Honestly, it Rhylly is still Rhyliant!”

It saddens me to say, although I’m sure you’ll agree that
Rhyl’s tourist industry has seen better days. Why not draw
people’s attention to the glories of yesteryear with this
obvious, but well-meaning half-truth?

Further notes: an aggressive smear of campaign          of   any
historians in the area would also need to take place.

    I tell you what I want...what I Rhylly, Rhylly
A similar theme here. Perhaps one of the former Spice Girl’s
might like to get involved. She would of course be indicating
that what she “really, really wants” is a holiday to one of
Rhyl’s many caravan parks and holiday camps.

Further notes: an aggressive smear campaign of nearby Towyn
and Kinmel Bay would also need to take place.

  Rhyl!! Journey to The Sun-Centre of the Earth....

                   Just down the A-55!

This slogan will remind the consumers of North-West England
that The Sun Centre is just down the road...but which road?
That’s right! Everyone’s favourite A-Road, the A-55!

Further notes: an aggressive smear campaign to cover up the
number of traffic collisions and deaths on Rhuallt Hill would
also need to take place.
            It’s Ruane-ing men...Hallelujah!

Attract the female £££ to Rhyl’s numerous bars and nightspots
with this raunchy, tongue-in-cheek campaign showcasing one of
Rhyl’s finest sons – The Rt. Hon Chris Ruane!

Further notes: an aggressive smear campaign of David Jones,
Conservative MP for Clwyd West would need to take place. He’s
quite handsome.

As you can see, Rhyl has massive potential when it comes to
Pun-based mass communication. These are just a few of my ideas
and I would be willing to meet with you to discuss my
involvement in any future projects.

I have provided below a consultative fee quotation for your

Company:                    Service:           Punner:
Punning House               Consultative       Steve Ferbrache
    Item           QTY         Description       Unit        Total
                                                 Cost        Cost

    Puns         10 Puns    Conceive 10 Puns     £967        £9670
                            for “Regenerate    per Pun
                            Rhyl” Media/PR

   Travel       1 person       1st Class       £199.50      £199.50
                            return: London
                            Euston to Rhyl.

Accommodation   1 Person     I’ll stay with      £10          £10
                              my Mum – She
                              might like a
                             bottle of wine

                                               Sub Total:   £9879.50
                                               Sales Tax:   £1795.90
                                                 Total:     £11675.40
I hope that you find these suggestions compelling and the
quote as representing outstanding value. I would appreciate
your thoughts on this crucial matter and look forward to
hearing from you soon.

Yours Sincerely,

Steven A. Ferbrache
Chairman|Punning House

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