Ties for Sale
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the
Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little
old Jewish man sitting at a card table with neckties laid out on it. The
Arab said, "My thirst is killing me.
Please... do you have any water?"
The Jew replied, "I have no water. Would you like to by a tie? They are
only $150. This one goes very nicely with your robes."
The Arab shouted , "Idiot! I do not need your overpriced tie. I need
water! "
"OK," said the old Jew, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a
tie. I will show you that you have not offended me.If you walk over that
hill to the east for about four miles,you will find a lovely restaurant. Go!
Walk that way!
The restaurant has all the water you need!"
The Arab staggered away toward the hill and disappeared. Eight hours
later the Arab came crawling back to the Jewish man's table. The Jew
said,"I told you, the restaurant with the water is about four miles over
that hill. could you not find it? "
"I found it," Rasped the Arab. "But your brother wouldn't let me in
without a tie! "
Love your doctor
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to the gynecologist. The
doctor takes one look at the woman and all of his professionalism goes
out the window. He immediately asks her to undress. After she has
disrobed, the doctor begins stroking her thigh.
"Do you know what I'm doing? " he asks.
"Yes," she replies. "You're checking for any abrasions or abnormalities."
"That's right," says the doctor. Emboldened, he then begins to fondle her
breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"You're checking for any lumps or breast cancer," she replies.
"correct," Says the doctor. Deciding to go for broke, he mounts her and
begins having sex with her. "Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," She says. "You're getting herpes- Which is what I came here
about in the first place."
Grass Eaters
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his
limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He
ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you
eating grass? " he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food, "
the poor man replied.
"Oh,come along with me then," Instructed the lawyer.
"But, sir, I have a wife and two children!"
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer. He turned to the other man and
said,
"Come with us."
"But sir, I have a wife and six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!" answered the lawyer as he headed for his limo.
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task,even for a car as
large as the limousine. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says,
"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem. The grass at my home is almost a foot
tall."
Your Lawyer Died
A guy calls a law office and says:"I want to talk to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry,but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question.The
receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this
time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling
you,your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."
Moral of the story
A teacher instructs her fifth-grade class to ask their parents to tell
them a story with a moral at the end.
The next day the kids come in and share their stories. After a few
students tell their stories, the rest of the class learns some of the morals
you'd expect to hear, such as "Don't count your chickens before they
hatch “and “Treat others as you'd like them to treat you.
Then it was little Timmy's turn.
"My daddy told me about my uncle Dave," says Timmy.
"He was a pilot in Vietnam and had to bail out over enemy territory with
nothing but a flask of whiskey, a pistol ,and a knife. He drank the
whiskey during the drop, then landed in the middle of 20 enemy
soldiers. He shot 15, stabbed three, and killed the last two with his bare
hands."
"What is the moral of that horrible story? What is its moral then?" yelps
the mortified teacher.
"Stay away from Uncle Dave when he's been drinking," answers
Timmy.