Quitting Time at Work
The Death or Major Injury of a
fellow worker
He or She was my friend
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As Supervisors We get asked
As Supervisors We get asked to do a lot of things.
• The death of a colleague leaves both a personal
and professional void in a workplace. We spend
many hours of our lives with our co-workers. We
form relationships with them, even if those
relationships consist of merely saying hello as you
pass by someone's desk each morning. A co-
worker's death can mean the loss of a friend, but
also the loss of someone we depend on to help
us do our jobs.
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Never forget Safety Prevents Incidents
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We have all read about it
• We have all read
about it in the news,
seen it on the TV or
heard it on the radio.
• It is not if, it is when
and what help and
training are you
going to offer to
your fellow worker.
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For most people, the sudden death of someone they know causes
them to think about their life. We tend to believe we have lots of time to
accomplish things or be there for our families, but a sudden death reminds us
that life can change (for the better or for the worse) in a moment .
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We lost a member of our family
Why does the sudden death of a co-worker hit so hard? First of all,
most people spend more time at work then they do with their families.
Coworkers can form a caring community. It’s not uncommon for a grieving
employee to say, “We lost a member of our family.” Some employees can
work together for years, sharing the ups and downs of life--births, deaths,
struggles, joys. Perhaps they’ve formed close personal friendships.
Sometimes having a co-worker die might be the first time a company
has lost someone abruptly, or at least lost someone who hadn’t been ill and
frequently absent, or on leave, or retired. People aren’t used to coping with
the loss of a colleague.
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An Individuals Personality
On the job site, the memory of the deceased is all
around. Walking past the office or workstation can
be painful. I describe this as getting “slapped” with
reminders. An employee might forget the situation
for a while, becoming absorbed in her work. But
then she walks past the office, reads an old email
from the deceased, sees someone else who has
been crying, or has a sudden impulse to talk to him,
and the realization of the loss again sweeps over
her.
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Coping and Remembering
When a co-worker dies, it can have a significant impact on those in the
workplace. There is an element of "family" in most work units. People
get to know one another as they work side by side and share work and
personal experiences. Sometimes co-workers become close friends
and spend time together outside of work. Others keep their
relationship at work but develop a deep connection from working
together. Some people do not develop close ties at work and reserve
their intimate relationships to outside family and
friends.
The effects of the loss of a co-worker will be determined by many
factors including but not limited to: the number of years worked
together, the nature of the relationship, the age of the deceased, the
suddenness
of the death, and other challenges that may be facing the work group
and its staff and/or faculty at the time of the loss.
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It is about our fellow man or woman
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The Grieving Process
Depending on the nature of your relationship with
your deceased co-worker, you may or may not go
through a grieving process following his or her
death. Grief is a universal, natural, and normal
response to significant loss of any kind. It is how we
process and heal from an important loss. It can be a
painful and tiring experience. Understanding the
grieving experience and how best to cope with it
can help in your recovery from grief of any kind.
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Why them Why!
Stages of Grief
Within the first few weeks to months after a death, you may find yourself riding on a roller coaster of
shifting emotions. Most people go through these stages not in linear steps, but in unpredictable waves
moving through one stage to the next and sometimes shifting back. Some people will experience
certain stages but not others. Here are some common, typical grief reactions:
• Shock and Disbelief -- the numbing and disorienting sense that the death has not really happened.
This feeling can last from several hours to several days.
• Anger -- at the deceased, yourself, others, and/or your God for what has happened.
• Guilt -- you may blame yourself for not doing or knowing more, or for not dealing with any
"unfinished business" that you had with the deceased.
• Sadness -- you may experience a deep sense of loss and find yourself crying. There may be a
tendency to withdraw or isolate yourself. You may lose interest in your usual activities, or feel
helpless or hopeless. Other recent or past losses may come back to you to deal with again.
• Fear -- there may be anxiety or panic, or fears about the future. It may bring up your fears about
your
own sense of mortality.
• Acceptance -- finally, hopefully, you adjust to the loss and move on from it while still honoring your
deceased's memory
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It is about people our friends
• People in grief may experience
physical reactions, such as fatigue,
sleep disruption, appetite changes,
tenseness, and aches and pains.
Common psychological symptoms
include feeling distracted, forgetful,
irritable, disoriented, or confused.
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Coping and Accepting
Acknowledge the Loss - It is better to give each other
permission to talk about what has happened and its
impact than to go on as if nothing had happened. It may
be helpful to allow time at staff meetings for people who
want to check in on how they are doing.
• Acknowledge Individual Reactions - When a co-worker
dies it affects each person in the work unit in a very
different way. Some are deeply affected by the loss while
others are not. Some people want to talk about their
feelings while others want to deal with them in private. It
may take some much longer than others to adjust to the
loss. Be aware of the different ways that people react to
the loss and respect those differences.
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Be Kind
Be Kind to Each Other - This is not an easy time for the
work unit and many adjustments have to be made.
People may not be at their best. Cut each other some
slack and be gentle and understanding with one another
during this time. Find ways to cooperate to share any
additional workload.
• Self-Care - You may need to give yourself extra
amounts of things that nourish and replenish you - rest,
relaxation, exercise, diversions. Grief can be emotionally
and physically exhausting. Express your thoughts and
feelings to trusted people because that can be most
helpful. For some it helps to write things down as a
means of expression.
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Time heals all wounds
Give Yourself and Others Time - In our culture there is a
tendency to deny the effects of loss and expect ourselves
and others to quickly "get over" a loss. We also fail to
acknowledge that the anniversary of losses can trigger a
recycling of loss reactions. Allow yourself and others the
time it takes for each individual to process the loss.
• Funeral and Memorial Events - Provide information for
everyone on arrangements that have been made and
when feasible, provide time to attend for those who are
interested. If the events are out of town, people may
want to find ways to memorialize the loss locally.
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Honor and Remember
Honor the Lost Co-worker - Consider honoring the
person who died in an appropriate way, e.g.,
collecting money for a charity, creating a memorial
book or bulletin board, sending a letter to the
deceased's loved ones.
• Be Resourceful - You may need some professional
assistance if you find yourself not able to function
as you would like as a result of the loss. Perhaps
you have suffered other recent losses as well.
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We- Us- Them- Our Friends
• The death of a colleague leaves both a
personal and professional void in a workplace.
We spend many hours of our lives with our co-
workers. We form relationships with them,
even if those relationships consist of merely
saying hello as you pass by someone's desk
each morning. A co-worker's death can mean
the loss of a friend, but also the loss of
someone we depend on to help us do our
jobs.
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Share not hold it in.
• Co-workers should be encouraged to share
their grief.
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Was it me Could I have
The belief (however irrational) that the co-
worker could have done something to prevent
the death. This is especially difficult if the
employee died on the job site.
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smile through their tears
Sadness that the co-worker didn’t take the time
to get to know the person better. Many times
when co-workers share stories about the
deceased, interesting facts about her life or
personality come to light. People will talk about
how much she cared about people, or how she’d
jump in to help. They smile through their tears
sharing how she made them laugh.
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Uncertainty is more stressful
than hearing bad news
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Common Reactions
It
feels like
an
emotional
roller coaster
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Common Reaction--Grief
Change =Loss = Grief
• Grieving process begins
with threat of loss
• Loss can lead to
sadness/depression
• Failure to acknowledge
and prepare for grief can
result in morale and
productivity problems
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There are no “difficult” people
Fundamental Attribution Error
You behave the way you do because
of who you are.
I behave the way I do because the
situation makes me.
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Responding to Anger
FIRST acknowledge the feelings
and upset of the other person.
o Once the person starts to calm down,
THEN move to solving the
problem
"Our attitude toward life determines life's attitude toward us."
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Under stress we don’t listen well
Always listen before providing any kind of
answer.
– Ask questions to gain greater clarification.
– Restate their problem to them.
– Find an area of agreement and tell them they are
right.
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The ultimate measure of a man is not
where he stands in moments of comfort
and convenience, but where he stands
at times of challenge and controversy
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I need a break
Taking Care of Yourself
Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions are coming up for you.
Recognize that you’ll be moving in and out of different feelings, and
your ability to focus will waver.
• Don’t be hard on yourself.
• Take breaks as needed.
• Spend quality time with those you love.
• Spend time doing activities that replenish your energy and make you feel good.
Go easy on the alcohol. It’s one thing to gather together with coworkers at a bar
after work to share and mourn together. But don’t use drugs or alcohol to suppress
your feelings or help you cope.
• Get enough sleep.
• Exercise and eat well.
• Don’t overindulge with food. Allow yourself some comfort food, but don’t eat too
much or go for too many days with eating to suppress your feelings.
• Don’t skip meals. If you don’t feel hungry, have something light, such as a protein
drink, soup, or a yogurt.
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Support is Important to anyone
Supporting Co-workers
• Let them know you care.
• Don’t take things personally.
• Be sensitive about how you react to others.
• Band together to have a memorial or other good-bye ritual.
• Attend the funeral.
• Let them know you are open to sharing about feelings.
• Give hugs, but get permission from the individual first.
• Contribute to a scholarship or hardship fund for the family.
• Offer your help if you know a colleague is overwhelmed by
their feelings and workload.
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What was the last page
• Most important, give yourself a chance to
remember the person you lost. Think of the
positive contributions he or she made to your
life and to the lives of others. Try to make
similar contributions.
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How long does it last please tell me
• Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an
hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will
subside and something else will take its
place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.
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