We Assume Too Much And Pay Dearly For It
All the evidence that we have indicates that it is reasonable to assume in practically every human
being, and certainly in almost every newborn baby, that there is an active will toward health, an
impulse towards growth, or towards the actualization.
- Abraham Maslow, American professor of psychology, creator of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs
(1908-1970)
We assume. We assume. We assume.
We can’t get through life without making assumptions that certain things will
remain in order, that there is a structure of life and matter that won’t
suddenly change on us, that someone won’t stab us in the back when we
aren’t paying attention.
We require those assumptions in order that we can carry on our lives and
concentrate on the business at hand. Of course life--indeed, existence--does
not follow our need for assumptions that things won’t change on us too
dramatically. Nature, like luck, can be brutal.
Japan studied its seismic history and since the 1970s built structures to last,
based on earthquakes that had affected the country in the previous 400
years. For the most part, modern buildings survived the 9.0 quake of 2011.
However, protective seawalls were overwhelmed and 20,000 people lost
their lives in the tsunami that followed. The 9.0 earthquake, among the
strongest in modern history, follows a pattern that only strikes about every
1000 years.
The Japanese government assumed that studying 400 years of history was
enough. Not enough to account for a cycle of at least 1000 years.
We assume, those of us who marry, that “till death us do part” means
forever, that our partner will never leave. We do not assume that the
commitment means that both parties must work to maintain the relationship
every single day or it will fall apart. We assume it’s a forever commitment,
at least on the part of the other person in the relationship.
We assume that “for better or for worse” are only words, that the “worse”
part won’t be any worse than it was before the wedding. When the
relationship is required to endure a whole lot worse than that, trouble starts.
We assume that sex with our partner will be as gratifying and as
fulfilling--maybe even improve with experience through the years--as it was
before the wedding. The sex drive can be impacted for many reasons, both
internal and external. The partner who is not affected--needing more--looks
for satisfaction elsewhere. The partner who is affected assumes the
relationship will continue, unaffected, because of a commitment of a few
words spoken during a ceremony. The vows say nothing about sexual
commitment.
We buy food at a market assuming that it will be tested safe. Chemical
fertilizers, pesticides and preservatives in all foods have been shown to be
unsafe for health over a long term. Fresh produce, advised by all health
professionals to be the healthiest foods of all, are heavily laced with
chemicals, even preservatives to keep them from spoiling.
We assume that preservatives that keep our food from spoiling are safe.
They are, for food sitting on a shelf. Inside our bodies they also preserve our
food from decay, which is exactly the opposite of what we want. Our body
detects whole fats and automatically stores them in fat cells. Result: obesity
in people with efficient digestive systems, even if they do not overeat.
We assume that by visiting a medical doctor when we are not well, or even
for a regular checkup when we feel well, the doctor will provide us with the
best care. Yet some doctors take money from drug companies when they
prescribe drugs from one of them. Some of the drugs, such as statins to
counteract cholesterol, become lifelong commitments when there are safer
and healthier alternatives available (including common mineral niacin and
exercise).
We assume that what we wear and our cosmetics will enhance our status
among our workmates or acquaintances, as we have been taught by
commercial interests. In general, virtually no one cares what we look like,
except maybe a boss if we dress inappropriately. We just believe that others
care.
We assume that the vehicle we drive will somehow deliver a message to
others that we have a personal value greater than we know we have. Again,
no one else cares.
We assume that people we associate with often are friends. As soon as we
have a serious problem, they are nowhere to be found. Casual friendships
exist when people have something to gain by associating with us, or us with
them. True friendships are hard to make, take years to build, and true
friends don’t care about trivial matters and will stand with you through your
worst troubles. Simply assuming that someone is a good friend may be plain
wrong.
We assume that those who mean the most to us will be with us forever, so
we take less care with them than with acquaintances who can help us in the
short term. When those loved ones die, we aren’t prepared for the loss and
often suffer ourselves as a consequence. We assumed they would be with us
forever.
We assume that our religious leaders teach us facts and truths beyond
reproach. Most is just fantasy or wishful thinking, sometimes even an effort
to control our mind. Just examine the “truths” taught from the pulpits of
various Christian denominations to learn how greatly they vary, though they
all claim to use the same holy book.
We make countless assumptions to get us through our lives. Some help us
to get through the day, or night. Every assumption has a consequence if
something does not work the way we had assumed. If we don’t consider the
consequences of our assumptions, we pay a price later.
Children should be taught about consequences of their assumptions. Risky
behaviour, for example, could result in early death. Unwise behaviour in
their youth will inevitably result in bad health in later years.
Who should teach this Law of Consequences? Parents? Teachers? Relatives?
Neighbours? Friends?
Yes. Children who do not understand the Law of Consequences, who make
assumptions that are unwise, suffer huge setbacks later, if they survive. We
pass laws to protect children, then ignore the laws. Many parents are not
aware of the laws that should guide them through parenthood. No one
taught them how to be parents. They figured out the conceiving part
themselves. The rest they guess and learn by accident (sometimes).
Every adult has a responsibility to each child he or she knows. The degree of
responsibility will vary from one child to another. The need for commitment
will not.
There is an old saying: it takes a village to raise a child. Our ancestors knew
that. Today’s kids don’t have that village. We need to help them avoid the
deficit. They need to learn. We need to teach.
Bill Allin is the author of Turning It Around: Causes and Cures for
Today’s Epidemic Social Problems, a book for parents, teachers, for all
adults, who want to help children grow to be responsible, to lead well
balanced lives.
Learn more at http://billallin.com