Capitol Streets
Hill Buzz
by Anna Cranage Conathan
R
ecently, while on a jaunt thru 14 year-old hurt most). But I had a
the lovely and under-utilized fabulous time with the lively, hilari-
Yards Park (yardspark.org), I ous ladies of the Results Squash Team.
took a detour into the large rounded I laughed, I learned, I decided a cute
tent that always incites in me both squash skirt was the answer to all my
fear and excitement. I was welcomed problems.
warmly, and in no time at all – with the In the Results Club Champion-
greatest of ease - I was engaged in con- ship I played in a “ladder” of ladies who
versation with the artists of the flying – to use squash terminology – are not
trapeze. masters of the “T.” But as special as our
With the month of May approach- squash needs may be, we had a blast
ing, along with many fabulous events and forged easy new friendships.
at the Trapeze School tent (wash- Oh, and The Skirt? It beat 3 out of
ingtondc.trapezeschool.com), my new the 4 other players, and I won a bottle
aerial friend, Beth Manning, shared a of wine!
flying fun fact: Traditionally, May 1st Yay, skirt!
was the day circuses came to town, and Even better than the skirt and the
Trapeze photo from on 4th Street SE. Photo
because there were always new hires at by In-Vision Photography wine: It managed to be a fun family af-
the beginning of the season, a novice fair.
performer would be referred to as a two tournaments: The Results Squash The Husband participated in the
“First of May.” Not unlike the term Club Championship and the Squash tourney as well, while The Boy spent
“greenhorn,” this term can be applied Goddess Slam. I was “squashed” by ev- QT with his gal pals in the childcare
to anyone who is a beginner. eryone I played (the thoroughly bored room. And when we brought him up
to the courts to meet our new posse,
Brian and Larissa presented him with
Like me. With squash. a tiny racket with which to begin his
I am not a “strong” squasher, but
practice swing.
I’m trying my darndest. Tying my non-
It was, to quote my Irish coach,
marking sneakers and strapping on my
“lovely.”
courage, I continue to cross the street,
Squash can be played year-round,
scan my way into Results The Gym,
in any weather, at any ability, and de-
and climb the endless staircase to the
spite an initial investment of non-
western turret where the four pristine
marking kicks and a racket, it’s not
courts await me.
terribly expensive. If you’re curious, but
With the kind guidance of hand-
not ready to commit, the coaches will
some, Irish squash pro, Brian O’Hora
lend you a racket, and Larissa offers a
and the equally fetching New Zea-
free, monthly Introduction to Squash
lander, assistant squash pro, Larissa
Class, for gym members.
Stephenson, I have grown from a
The most exceptional thing about
player who whiffs mightily, to one who
the Results Squash Program is the
makes contact and occasionally knows
chance to train with two of the most
where her shot will go.
gifted professional squash players in
Motivated by their support, I was
Results Squash Pro, Brian O’Hora and As- the Mid-Atlantic area.
infused with enough hubris – I mean,
sist. Squash Pro, Larissa Stephenson. Photo: Note to Hill Moms: Larissa and I
enthusiasm - to compete in my first Michael Conathan
capitalcommunitynews.com ★ 29
have been planning a special Mom Squash Clinic for moms looking to
shake up their athletic routine. Maybe a little Saturday mid-morning squash
followed by mimosas, munchies and maternal chatter? (Or, blessed NON-
maternal chatter!) So keep a lookout, mamas.
VIP squash buzz: What senator was seen leaving the gym with a squash
racket and a bodyguard (or perhaps a smartly dressed Goth friend)? Why,
Senator Al Franken!
Looked a little winded, Al. You wouldn’t happen to be a 1st of May,
would you, sir? If so, I’m coming for ya Senator, and your Goth friend can’t
help you while I’m dominating the “T.” With my double-threat of squash
and comedy stylings, I’ll shut you down, Franken.
Shut Down?
Ah, yes, speaking of “Shut Downs”:
Adding to the joys of Hill living was this past month’s nervous anticipa-
tion about the possible government shut down: the waiting and wondering,
right up to the literal eleventh - and a half! – hour, the collective fear of
DC’s trash piling up to the ceiling like Sarah Sylvia Cynthia Stout’s ill-fated
garbage bin…
Still struggling with the agony of prolonged potty training, the husband
and I shuddered at the thought of our ripening diaper pail as we watched
CNN late into the evening on April 8th.
Mike laughed to himself as he stumbled across a popular Facebook ini-
tiative to dump uncollected DC trash in John Boehner’s yard, in the event
there was a shutdown.
“Hilarious,” he said as he turned the computer screen for me to see.
“No, it’s not,” I said, shaking my head in disapproval.
Speaker Boehner is one of our neighbors, and given the close proximity
of Hill living, su garbage es mi garbage. So, no. Not funny. In the least.
Exhausted, we clicked off the un-newsy news and headed to bed. As
we climbed the stairs we heard a front gate squeak, a door open and close.
Howard, our neighbor was home! We scrambled back downstairs. You see,
“Howard” is Representative Howard Coble of the 6th District of N. Caro-
lina. If Howard was home, the verdict was in!
Back on the TV went, just in time for “breaking news” of a tentative
partisan truce.
Turns out we didn’t need to watch the news coverage, we just had to wait
for the squeak of Howard’s front gate. Next time? Cocktails on the stoop ‘til
Rep. Coble comes home.
Speaking of the South and down home antics, I have buzz that Capitol
Hill Square Dancing is back! Wholesome family fun meets political posi-
tioning. Seems a tad incongruous, doesn’t it? I wonder what the “calls” for
that sound like…
Pork on the barrel, and slip through the loop,
Don’t let the Post get that scoop!
Hide your hooker and shred that file
Now you’re dancing Capitol Hill style!
Wait.
Wrong.
It’s not Congressional square dancing. It’s Square Dancing at Eastern
Market, brought to you, once again, by lovely, literary local gal, Helen Cym-
rot. This warrants a new call:
Dress in gingham, practice your drawl,
Square dancing’s back in the old North Hall.
Skip across Penn and do si dos,
Bring your kinfolk, n’ bring your beau!
Hot cross buns and julep in your glass
Don’t stop reeling ‘til ya fall on your…
30 ★ HillRag | May 2011
(Ahem.) What I mean
is, y’all come down at 3 p.m.,
Saturday, May 14 for a hootin’
hollerin’ good time.
I leave you now, with some
Buzz Bits:
*What’s in THE
FRIDGE? – (thefridge.com)
- Batala, the all-women’s Bra-
zilian drumming group (batal-
awashington.com) will be per-
forming at on Friday May 6th
at 6:30pm. An evening with
these two amazing organiza-
tions will fill your heart with
rhythm, your soul with artis-
tic inspiration, and for your
stomach…?
*Leah Daniels of Hill’s
Kitchen’s www.hillskitchen.
com/) has some delicious lit-
erary offerings this month:
Eric Ripert, May 5th,
6pm - This dashing French
gentleman chef, co-owner
of DC’s Westend Bistro and
regular at Top Chef Judge’s
Table, will be signing his latest
book, Avec Eric: A Culinary
Adventure with Eric Ripert.
Come tip your toque to this
culinary master.
Domenica Marchetti,
May 28th, 1pm - DC’s diva of
deliciousness will be signing
her tasty new tome, The Glo-
rious Pastas of Italy, and serv-
ing up samples of authentico
pasta Italiano. (Mi piace!)
Anna Cranage Conathan is a freelance
writer and screenwriter, bumbling
squash partner to husband, Mike, and
“Hill mom” to son, Sam. Anna is ac-
complished in the feminine arts of con-
versation, flower arranging and hid-
ing unwashed hair under a ballcap. To
put a buzz in Anna’s ear, email her at
bananascabana@yahoo.com. ★
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202.547.9536 (telefax)
capitalcommunitynews.com ★ 31