The_Person_I_Admire_Editing

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					YCH Chiu Tsang Hok Wan Primary School

      P.6 People we admire

              Editing
     Feedback on writing
• Content


• Organisation


• Language
             Language
Pronouns e.g. I, them, his
Nouns e.g. money, school, teacher
Adjectives e.g. beautiful, tall, hardworking
Verbs e.g. make, do, go
Articles e.g. a, an, the
Connectives e.g. and, but, although
Prepositions e.g. on, at, in
       My mum is an English teacher. She was born in
1975. She is very popular among the students because
she has a good sense of humour. Students all enjoy her
class.
       My mum is not only a good teacher, but also a
great mother. When I feel bored, it is my mum who stays
with me and tells me stories. When I feel sad or bad, it is
also my mum who looks after me with care.
       I remember that I caught a fever at midnight last
year, my mum took me to the hospital. When we got
home, it was about 5 o’clock in the early morning. She
had to wake up at 7 o'clock to prepare breakfast for me.
Then she went to work. She must be very tired that day.
       I admire and love her because she is a role model
for me. When I grow up, I want to be a teacher.
Do you think the language is good? Can you give examples?
                 Language
•   Pronouns
•   Nouns
•   Adjectives
•   Verbs
•   Articles
•   Connectives
•   Prepositions
•   Sentence structures, etc.
       My mum is an English teacher. She was born in
1975. She is very popular among the students because
she has a good sense of humour. Students all enjoy her
class.
       My mum is not only a good teacher, but also a
great mother. When I feel bored, it is my mum who stays
with me and tells me stories. When I feel sad or bad, it is
also my mum who looks after me with care.
       I remember that I caught a fever at midnight last
year, my mum took me to the hospital. When we got
home, it was about 5 o’clock in the early morning. She
had to wake up at 7 o'clock to prepare breakfast for me.
Then she went to work. She must be very tired that day.
       I admire and love her because she is a role model
for me. When I grow up, I want to be a teacher.
       My mum is an English teacher. She was born in
1975. She is very popular among the students because
she has a good sense of humour. Students all enjoy her
class.
       My mum is not only a good teacher, but also a
great mother. When I feel bored, it is my mum who stays
with me and tells me stories. When I feel sad or bad, it is
also my mum who looks after me with care.
       I remember that I caught a fever at midnight last
year, my mum took me to the hospital. When we got
home, it was about 5 o’clock in the early morning. She
had to wake up at 7 o'clock to prepare breakfast for me.
Then she went to work. She must be very tired that day.
       I admire and love her because she is a role model
for me. When I grow up, I want to be a teacher.
The simple past tense
       My mum is an English teacher. She was born in
1975. She is very popular among the students because
she has a good sense of humour. Students all enjoy her
class.
       My mum is not only a good teacher, but also a
great mother. When I feel bored, it is my mum who stays
with me and tells me stories. When I feel sad or bad, it is
also my mum who looks after me with care.
       I remember that I caught a fever at midnight last
year, my mum took me to the hospital. When we got
home, it was about 5 o’clock in the early morning. She
had to wake up at 7 o'clock to prepare breakfast for me.
Then she went to work. She must be very tired that day.
       I admire and love her because she is a role model
for me. When I grow up, I want to be a teacher.
   What did you do yesterday?



I played computer    I played football.      I read a book.
      games.




I did my homework.       I drew a picture.
Can you correct the following sentences?
He was win the game last month.
He won the game last month.       The form is wrong.
She was died in 1990.
She died in 1990.
My sister and I was tired.
My sister and I were tired.        The subject-verb
There was two people.             agreement is wrong.
There were two people.
They were not believe me.
They did not believe me.             The negative
She did not played with me.         form is wrong.
She did not play with me.
The simple present tense
       My mum is an English teacher. She was born in
1975. She is very popular among the students because
she has a good sense of humour. Students all enjoy her
class.
       My mum is not only a good teacher, but also a
great mother. When I feel bored, it is my mum who stays
with me and tells me stories. When I feel sad or bad, it is
also my mum who looks after me with care.
       I remember that I caught a fever at midnight last
year, my mum took me to the hospital. When we got
home, it was about 5 o’clock in the early morning. She
had to wake up at 7 o'clock to prepare breakfast for me.
Then she went to work. She must be very tired that day.
       I admire and love her because she is a role model
for me. When I grow up, I want to be a teacher.
Can you correct the following sentences?
                                       The form is wrong.
When I am grow up, I want to be a teacher.
When I grow up, I want to be a teacher.
My mum like cooking.
My mum likes cooking.                   The subject-verb
My sister and I am happy.              agreement is wrong.
My sister and I are happy.
When I am sick, she takes care of me and give me
     medicine.
When I am sick, she takes care of me and gives me
     medicine.
I not like them.
I do not like them.                         The negative
He not like them.                          form is wrong.
He does not like them.
      Check the verbs in pairs
• Can you circle all the verbs in your writing?
• Think about
   – Tenses
       • She died in 1968.
       • People were very sad and they cried.
       • She did not listen to them.
       • She always smiles.
       • He does not like them.
   – Subject-verb agreement
       • My sister and I were sad.
       • She likes drawing.
       • My sister and I are happy.
       • When I am sick, she takes care of me and gives me medicine.
• Correct your mistakes
   Check the verbs in pairs
My dad is the person I admire. He works
hard and take care of us. He love making
jokes.

Last year, he was caught a robber in
Tsuen Wan. My mum and I was proud of
him.
                 Editing
• Read your writing again carefully
• Focus on one or two language items at
  one time
• Refer to textbook or dictionary for
  examples
• Discuss with your classmates
• Ask for your teacher’s help when you have
  questions
Read your writing again carefully
    and write the final draft

				
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