Family in Crisis
• Many have written about the decline of the
traditional family
– Concerns that fewer and fewer women are
wanting to invest in their children as moms
– Concerns that so many moms are hiring
others to raise their kids
– The rising divorce rate and increase in marital
fidelity
– Fathers are no long embracing their role as
the family leader
– The decline in family values is ripping at the
very fabric of society.
• Cato, Tacitus, Polybious and Jevenal (~100 B.C.)
Family in Crisis
• After 5 years, 20% of marriages end in
separation or divorce.
• After 10 years, 33% end in separation or
divorce.
• After 15 years, 43% end in separation or
divorce.
Family in Crisis
• “Parental divorce approximately doubled the
odds that offspring would see their own
marriages end in divorce.” Journal of
Marriage
• There are 11.9 million single parents in the
United States
• 28% of all children in the US, under age 18,
live with one parent.
• 32% of all births were to unmarried women.
Family in Crisis
• “More than two-thirds of divorce cases in
the U.S. are filed by women.
• Reasons given for divorce
– Infidelity and physical or verbal abuse are
often the cause.
– Many simply feel like they're not getting the
most out of their marriage.”
– Financial problems
– Lack of communication
God Hates Divorce
• Malachi 2:13-16
• Matthew 19:6, 9
“What therefore God has joined together,
let no man separate…. whoever divorces
his wife, except for immorality, and marries
another woman commits adultery.”
Marriage
Help! I Married the
Wrong Person
Wives: Ephesians 5:22-33
• Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
• For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is
the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of
the body.
• But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives
ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Husbands: Ephesians 5:22-33
• Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the
church and gave Himself up for her,
• so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the
washing of water with the word,
• that He might present to Himself the church in all her
glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but
that she would be holy and blameless.
• So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their
own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
• for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and
cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
• because we are members of His body.
Ephesians 5:22-33
• For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother
and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become
one flesh.
• This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference
to Christ and the church.
• Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love
his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it
that she respects her husband.
Myths About Marriage
Myth #1:
My Spouse Can Meet All My Needs
The Perfect Man
• Mr. Potato Head
– He’s tan
– He’s cute
– He knows the
importance of
accessorizing
– And if he looks at
another women, you
can rearrange his
face.
• She married him because he was “strong
and masculine.”
• She divorced him because he was a very
“dominating male.”
• He married her because she was so
“fragile and petite.”
• He divorced her because she was so
“weak and helpless.”
• She chose him because “he knew how to
provide a good living.”
• She left him because “all he thought
about was the business.”
• He married her because she was “steady
and sensible.”
• He divorced her because she was “boring
and dull.”
Myth #1:
My Spouse Can Meet All My Needs
• The needs at Creation
– Security
– Significance
• Psalm 62:1-2 “My soul finds rest in God
alone.”
• My needs are met to the degree I pursue
and deepen my relationship with God.
– Security – Rom. 8:38, 39
– Significance – Luke 15:4-7
Reality
• The reality is, our needs are never fully
met or fulfilled with our spouse.
• It does not mean you married the wrong
person.
• There is only one who can fully meet my
needs and that is God
• I can experience fulfillment in marriage to
the degree that I pursue and deepen my
relationship with God.
Myth #2:
Marriage is All About “Me”
• Often our relationship centers around
attempting to manipulate our spouse to
fulfill our needs.
• Mutual service, NOT manipulation
– Meeting my spouses needs
– In serving I find fulfillment
– Fulfillment in marriage comes not from what
my spouse gives me. It comes from what I
give to them.
Myth #3:
I Can Only Love When I Feel “In Love.”
• No emotion can be permanently
sustained. Emotions fade.
• As long as the emotion of “love” is there
we act lovingly, but when the emotion is
gone, we excuse ourselves from acting
lovingly.
• Some stray from their spouse because
someone else re-ignites that emotion of
love.
Myth #3:
I Can Only Love When I Feel “In Love.”
• “as long as we both shall love” vs. “as long
as we both shall live”
• 1 Cor. 13:4-7
– Actions not feelings
– Choices not emotions
– When I chose to act lovingly, the feeling or the
emotion will often follow.
Conclusion
• Marriage is about what I give, not what I
get.
• With my needs fully met in Christ, I am
uniquely positioned to fully give myself in
service to another.
• My relationship to God is the key to a
fulfilling marriage!
“Help, I’m In the Wrong Church”
• Myths about the church
– The failures of others is keeping me from
being fulfilled.
– The church is not giving ME what I need.
– I can only serve God if I have a certain
“feeling.”