Short Joke
I need help
An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it
was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Bubba:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato
garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you
were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for
me.
Love, Dad
A few days later, he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the
BODIES.
Love, Bubba
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up
the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and
left.
That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the
circumstances.
Love, Bubba
Youth machine
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed
by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that
moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father, having never seen an elevator, responded, "I have no idea what it
is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a
wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls
opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed
and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman
stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother."
Tough decision
Your dog's barking at the back door. Your wife's barking at the front.
Who do you let in?
Well, it's your call... but the dog'll stop barking when you let him in.
New Curtains
A blonde walked into a store to buy curtains.
She went up to the salesman and said, "I want those pink curtains to fit my
computer screen.
The salesman mentioned, "Computers don't need curtains."
The blonde said, "Hellooo…. I have windows!"
Doctor vs Mechanic
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley
motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.
The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look
at his bike.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"
The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the
motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,
"So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em
back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a
small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing
basically the same work?"
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...
"Try doing it with the engine running."
Fading Memory
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men
asked the other,” Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological
techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great." "That's great! And
what was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought,
but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he
asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of
that memory clinic?"
New York Lawyer
A New York lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and
dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As
the lawyer climbed over the fence, an older man asked him what he was doing.
The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going to
retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over
here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and,
if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things
here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC
Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me
three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The New York attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and
decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the
local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city
feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the Yankee
lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His next too kicks caused the
lawyer so much pain that he just about gave up. However, the New York
lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said,
"Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my turn."
The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have
the duck."
Worms
A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of
alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with
pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added
some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died.
"Now," he said,” what do you learn from this?"
An eager student gave his answer.
"Well the answer is obvious," he said " if you drink alcohol, you'll never have
worms."
Deal with dad
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a
minister, if they could discuss his use of the car.
"I'll make a deal with you," said his father. "You bring your grades up, study
your Bible a little, get your hair cut, and then we'll talk."
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could
discuss his use of the car.
"Son, I'm real proud of you. You've brought your grades up and you've studied
your Bible, but you didn't get hair cut!"
"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses
had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."
"Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went!"
CON
If "CON" is the opposite of "PRO", what is the opposite of PROGRESS?
The female dormitory
The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the
male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will
be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time
will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are
there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Er... How much for a season
pass?"
3 wishes
A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in
the sand. He decided to open it. Inside was a genie. The genie said,” I will grant
you three wishes and three wishes only." The man thought about his first wish
and decided, “I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank
account. POOF! Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color. POOF! There was
the car sitting in front of him. He asked for his final wish, " I wish I was
irresistible to women." POOF! He turned into a box of chocolates.
Counseling
A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When
asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade
listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness,
feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had
endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist
got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced
and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The
woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at
least three times a week. Can you do this?"
The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here
on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
You're Next
When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all of my aunts
and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'
They stopped doing that after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Comforting words
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
"What's the matter?" he was asked.
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm
sure it will be all right."
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
"She was talking to the doctor."
Swearing parrot
So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor. I mean
he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's
foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes
him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT !".
But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you", and locks the bird in a kitchen
cabinet. This really aggravates the bird, and he claws and scratches, and when
the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that
would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the
first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes.
Then it suddenly gets very very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt.
After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the
freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says: "Awfully
sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary
from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come
over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
Lawyer's Dog
A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and
steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog
running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to
demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers,
"Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me
today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher,
having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.
Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a
consultation.
Blonde cover
A blonde walks into an appliance store and says I would like to buy that T.V.
please. The store clerk replies Im sorry, we dont do business with blondes. So
she stormed off back to her house and dyed her hair black. The next day, she
went back to the same store and said I would like to buy that T.V. please. The
store clerk, once again, replies Sorry, we dont do business with blondes. The
blonde replied How did you know I was blonde? The clerk says Because thats a
microwave.
Swimming Challenge
A blonde, brunette and redhead all decide to participate in the swimming of the
English channel.
They all decided to do the same stroke as it would be fair and they should all
finish at the same time. Not wanting to lose energy quickly, they chose breast
stroke.
They all started and a few hours later, the brunette arrives on land, tired.
The next one to complete it, was the redhead, a couple of hours behind the
brunette.
Lastly, 6 hours after the brunette had arrived, the blonde clambers on shore,
absolutely exhausted.
When the TV crew arrived, they asked her why she took so long, she replied:
"Not to be a sore loser or anything but I'm pretty sure I saw the other two using
their arms."
Bodily Pain
A young woman said to her doctor, "You have to help me, I hurt all over."
"What do you mean?" said the doctor.
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that
hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts,
too." Then she touched her right earlobe. "Ow, even THAT hurts."
The doctor asked the woman, "Are you a natural blonde?"
"Why yes," she said.
"I thought so," said the doctor... "You have a sprained finger."
Tree
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
Subliminal Message
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t think of anything I need. $o if you would like,
you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on
The Reply:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep
even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a
NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
Praying Parrots
A woman went to her priest with a problem. "Father, I have two female parrots,
and they only know how to say one thing. All they ever say is, 'Hi, we're
prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?' "
"That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your two
female parrots over to my house, and I will put them with my two male parrots
whom I taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to
stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and
worship."
The next day, the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His
two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage.
The woman put her two female parrots in the cage with the male parrots. The
females said, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Wanna have some fun?"
One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed "Put those
beads away, our prayers have been answered!"
Communication Skills
What a woman says:
This place is a mess! C'mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on
the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now!
What a man hears:
Blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON, blah, blah, YOU AND I, blah, blah, blah, blah,
ON THE FLOOR, blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES, blah, blah, blah, blah,
RIGHT NOW.
Family Math
Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how
many dollars would you have?
Vincent: One dollar.
Teacher (sadly): You don't know your arithmetic.
Vincent (sadly): You don't know my father.
Think
Jimmy is in math class when the teacher asks him a question:
"Jimmy, if there are 5 birds on a fence and you shoot one with your gun, how
many are left?"
"None," replies Jimmy, "because the others would be scared by the noise."
"Well, no, the correct answer is 4, but I like the way you're thinking!"
"I've got a question for you, teacher," says Jimmy.
"If there are 3 women sitting in a shop eating ice cream cones, and one is
licking her cone, one is biting her cone, and one is sucking her cone, which one
is married?"
The teacher gets a little nervous and finally answers, "I say the one sucking her
cone."
"Well, no, the correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on her finger,
but I like the way you're thinking!"
Genie on the beach
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp.
He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, "OK.
You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this
month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three.
You only get one wish!" The man sat and thought about it for a while and said,
"I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick.
Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The
genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How
would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much
concrete...how much steel!! No, think of another
wish." The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he
said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I
don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand
women....know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give
me the silent treatment....know why they're crying, know what they really want
when they say 'nothing'....know how to make them truly happy...."
The genie asked, "Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?"
Viola Dog
What's the difference between a violist and a shaggy dog?
A shaggy dog knows when to stop scratching.
Serve
A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, "Do you
serve lawyers here?".
"Sure do," replied the bartender.
"Good," said the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my 'gator."
Ants
Teacher: Let's take the example of the busy ant. He is busy all the time, works
all day and every day. Then what happens?
Johnny: He gets stepped on.
Food_choice
A guy is on a trip on a small airline.
The stewardess says, "Would you like dinner?"
He says, "What are my choices?"
She says, "Yes or no."
1 Question
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the
Pearly Gates.
St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have
to answer one
question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that
crashed into the
iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly,
"That would be the
Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need
all the odors that
this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder:
"How many people
died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie
and answered,
"about 1,500." "That's right! You may enter."
St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."
Penal Accident
Did you hear about the accident between a cement mixer and a van on it's way
to the state correctional facility?
The Highway Patrol was looking for hardened criminals all over the place.
A blonde and a brunette
A blonde and a brunette were talking, and the blonde was very stressed. The
brunette asked her what was the matter.
The blonde proceeded to tell her that she really needed to sell her car, but no
one would buy because it has 130,000
miles on it.
The brunette said to her, "I know a way that will help you sell it. I have a friend
who can help you, but it's illegal."
The blonde said, "I'll do anything." So the brunette gave the blonde the phone
number of a guy who could turn back the odometer on her car. A week later the
blonde and the brunette crossed paths, and the brunette asked the blonde if she
had sold her car yet.
The blonde said, "Why would I sell a car with only 40,000 miles on it?!
Look_at_stars
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal
and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe
that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a
quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we
are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a
beautiful day tomorrow. Why, what does it tell YOU?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.
"Watson, you idiot. Somebody has stolen our tent."
Slapped
A man and his little girl were on an overcrowded elevator. Suddenly a lady in
front turned around, slapped the man, and left in a huff. The little girl remarked,
"I didn't like her either, Daddy. She stepped on my toe, so I pinched her."
Roadie Bulb
How many roadies does it take to change a light bulb?
One Two , One Two , One Two....
Pilot_oops
The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great
forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he
frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at
the airport!" he was assured by his editor. As soon as he got to the small, rural
airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in
with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!"
The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.
"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or
four low level passes."
"Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a
photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with
great exasperation.
After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"
Fish Tank
Two goldfish were in a tank, one turned to the other and said "How do you
drive this thing then?"
Match
I was in the subway today when I felt a hand in my pocket. I turned to the
owner of the hand and asked, "What are you doing?"
He said, "Looking for a match."
I asked, "Why didn't you ask for one?"
He said, "I don't talk to strangers."
Idea
How does a light bulb know when it has an idea?
Wester Rock
"Hey there, pa'dner. What the heck is that there rock that makes them words
sound so much alike?"
"That's a rhyme stone, Cowboy."
Lunch
A creature rose up out of the surf and came sloshing ashore. Its garments were
made of green sea lettuce.
"I am the friendly Witch of the Sand," she said, "and I am only going to
sunbathe."
The sun was terribly hot. Her skin began to bake and it turned as red as a ripe
tomato!!
Have you ever seen a baking lettuce and tomato Sand Witch?
Father_of3
A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-
teller's tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat
down.
"Ah....." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the
father of two children."
"That's what you think," said the man scornfully. "I'm the father of THREE
children."
The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think"
Moonshiner
She was only a moonshiners daughter,
BUT I loved her still.
Dentist
What did the monster eat after the dentist pulled his tooth?
The dentist!
Last Request
Tim was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request,
Dear," he said.
"Of course, Tim," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die, he said, "I want you to marry Lawrence."
"But I thought you hated Lawrence," she said.
With his last breath, Tim said, "I do!"
British Columbia
How many environmentalists from British Columbia does it take to screw in a
light bulb?
If the light bulb is out, that's the way Nature intended it, and the problem would
not have occurred if logging company would have stopped cutting down trees.
Prayer
Do you say a prayer before you eat?
No, we don't have to. My mother is a good cook.
Drinking
As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a
cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."
"In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober"
Work Options
"Make lots of money"
"Enjoy the work"
"Operate within the law"
Choose 2
Watermelon
Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally
been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner
waited nervously for the clerics' reaction.
"Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?"
"Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping the seeds into
their pockets."
Upstairs Tennants
A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his.
"Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight."
When the landlord asked if it bothered him, he replied, "Not really, for I usually
stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway."
Small teeth
An extremely talkative woman was visiting a new dentist for a check-up
The dentist informed the woman's husband that, for a 35-year-old, she seemed
to have very small teeth.
The harried husband replied, "Wind erosion."
Sick man
A man telephones his office and says, "Sorry, I can't come into work today, I'm
sick."
"How sick are you?" asks his boss.
"Well," he replies, "I'm in bed with my sister."
Complaints
Years ago, a man was just allowed to emigrate from the USSR. When he
arrived in New York, a newspaper reporter interviewing him:
"What did you think of the food distribution in Russia?"
"Oh, I couldn't complain."
"What did you think of the govenment?"
"Oh, I couldn't complain."
"What did you think of the way they treated you?"
"Oh, I couldn't complain."
"If you had nothing to complain about in Russia, why did you emigrate?"
"Here I *can* complain!"
Headache
Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts!
Shut up and get away from the dart board!
Rates
A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.
"$50.00 for three questions," replied the lawyer.
"Isn't that kinda steep?", asked the man while dolling out the $50.00.
"Yes," answered the lawyer, "what's your third question?"
Private Confidence
"All you idiots, fall out!" shouted the sergeant at the soldiers standing in
formation. As the rest of the squad dispersed, one soldier remained at attention.
The sergeant stalked over and raised a single eyebrow. The private grinned.
"Sure was a lot of them, huh, sir?"
First Aid
"It was awful," she explained. "I was walking down Elm street and there was a
terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the
middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was
blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course."
"What did you do?" asked the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"
Seasick
What do you give a seasick elephant?
Lots of room.
Green Hats
Why do elephants wear tiny green hats?
To sneak across a pool table without being seen.
Engineers Bike
The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey--Nice bike! Where did you get
it?"
"Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty,
young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and
says 'you can have ANYTHING you want!!'"
"Good choice," says the first guy, "her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway.
Bigot
What is the the difference between a bigot and a spigot?
You can turn a spigot off, but the bigot keeps on spouting.
Men
What is the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
The bachelor comes home, sees what's in the refrigerator, and goes to bed. The
married man comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the refrigerator.
Doggy 2
Where would you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
Brighten_the_home
Eleanor remarked to husband Joe that their grandchildren sure brightened up
the home when they came to visit.
"They sure do," Joe agreed. "They never turn off the lights."
Rocky
One Halloween trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as "Rocky," in boxing
gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for
more.
"Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep several minutes ago?" I
asked.
"Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel. I'll be back three more times
tonight, too!"
Black Hair
What do you call a blonde who has dyed her hair black
Artificial Intelligence.
Golf Club
A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club.
"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.
Paddy Wagon
Then there was the time a cement truck collided with a paddy wagon.
Twelve hardened criminals escaped.
Best Man
A best man's speech should be like a mini-skirt;
short enough to be interesting,
but long enough to cover the bare essentials.
Men040
Only a man would buy a $500 car
...and put a $4000 stereo in it.
Mood Ring
I bought my wife a mood ring the other day. When she's in a good mood, it
turns green. When she's in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on my
forehead!
Bigamy
"Bigamy ? It's having one wife too much...
...Monogamy ? It's the same"
Oscar Wilde.