How to become a
relationship idol
(Enhancing your emotional
intelligence)
Hoe om `n “ idol” te wees
in jou interpersoonlike
verhoudings
(Verhoog jou emosionele intelligensie)
Sunell Wiehman
Kovsie Counselling/Kovsievoorligting
Source: Le Roux, J.P. & De Klerk, H.J. (2001).
The Emotional Intelligence Workbook. Kaapstad: Human & Rosseau.
WHAT IS AN IDOL
WAT IS `n “IDOL”?
o An object of extreme devotion
o `n objek wat met ekstreme toegeneentheid
behandel word
o Someone who is adored excessively
o Iemand wat uitermatig bewonder en eerbiedig
word
o That on which the affections are strongly set;
an object of passionate devotion; a person or
thing greatly loved or adored
o `n persoon wat passievol liefgehê word.
The benefits of becoming an
idol / Die voordele van `n
idol. are emotionally intelligent:/
• Research suggests that people who
Navorsing toon dat persone wat emosioneel intelligent is:
• Have the ability to formulate goals that make them more
effective;/ die vermoë het om doelwitte te formuleer wat hul meer
effektief maak;
• Have increased energy that makes it possible for them to strive
towards their goals/ new ideals;/ verhoogde vlakke van energie
het wat hul instaat stel om hul doelwitte na te streef en nuwes ideale
te stel.
• Can you see how this can enhance your academic
performance/ career performance? / Kan jy sien hoe dit jou
akademiese prestasie /loopbaanprestasie kan bevorder?
I = INTROSPECTION/
INTROSPEKSIE
Complete the Self knowledge
• It is very important that you know and understand
yourself in order to have a good relationships.
Selfkennis is noodsaaklik the exercise
• questionnaire & do om gelukkige with
the value cards
interpersoonlike verhoudings te hê.
• When you know yourself you know what is genuinely
Voltooi die Selfkennis vraelys en
important to you and what your needs and values are.
• Persone wat hulself goed ken weet wat werklik vir hul
doen is en wat hul behoeftes en waardes is.
belangrik die oefening met die waarde
kaarte
D=Deal with your emotions
Doen iets met jou emosies
- An emotion is an internal physical reaction to
something you experience
- `n Emosie is `n interne fisiese reaksie op dit wat jy ervaar.
- The word “emotion” is derived from the Latin word
“motere” which implies movement
- Die woord “emotion” is afgelei van die Latynse woord
“motere” wat beweging impliseer.
- Emotions are forms of energy and can provide energy
- Emosies is vorms van energie en kan ook energie
verskaf.
D=Deal with your emotions
Doen iets met jou emosies
- The better you understand your own feelings, the better you can
understand those of others
- Hoe beter jy jou eie emosies verstaan, hoe beter kan jy ander s’n
verstaan.
- There are certain dangers if you do not experience and accept
your feelings
- Daar is sekere gevaar as jy nie jou emosies ervaar en aanvaar nie.
- Suppressed emotions can leave you “paralized” and
demotivated.
- Onderdrukte emosies kan jou “verlam” en gedemotiveerd laat voel.
• Can you see how this can negatively influence your
studies or career life/ kan jy sien hoe dit jou studies/
werk negatief kan beïnvloed
O=Open for a new way of thinking
Oop vir nuwe denkwyses
• A Person’s thinking patterns and assumptions can be described
Complete the assumptions
as his/her “truth” and we often believe that it is the only truth
• `n Mens se denkpatrone/ aannames kan omskryf word as jou
“waarheid”, jou geloof oor hoe dinge werk. Ons glo dikwels
questionnaire
verkeerdelik dat dit die enigste waarheid is.
• These thinking patterns are learnt from early childhood onwards
and form a large part of a person’s make-up. They are mostly
automatic
• Hierdie denkpatrone of aannames word van vroeg af al aangeleer en
bygeleer, sodat dit `n groot deel van `n mens se menswees uitmaak;
Voltooi die aannames
• Everybody has irrational thinking patterns. The key is to
recognize and challenge them daily.
vraelys
• Almal het irrasionele denkpatrone.Dit is belangrik dat jy hierdie
irrasionele denke herken, `n beter begrip daarvan kry en dit uitdaag.
“What you think about you
bring about”
• The way you interpret (think about) the information you
receive determines to a large extent your feelings about
it/ Jou denke bepaal in `n groot mate jou gevoelens.
• We can therefore control our feelings by controlling our
interpretation of the information/ jy kan dus jou
gevoelens beheer deur die interpretasie van inligting te
beheer.
• Case example about A & B’s test behaviour/ gevalle
studie van A & B se toetsgedrag
• Can you see how this can influence your academic
performance/ life (in general) / kan jy sien hoe dit jou
akademie en lewe kan beinvloed!
L= Listen-really listen empathically
Luister werklik empaties
• Empathy means that you try to put yourself into the world, thoughts
and feelings of another person, as he/she experiences them and not
as you want to see them (Le Roux & De Klerk, 2001).
• Empatie beteken dat jy probeer om jouself in die wêreld, gedagtes en
gevoelens van `n ander persoon plaas.
• To be empathic you have to think before you answer, give accurate,
clear answers and react regularly in a conversation, even if it is a nod
or a hmm.
• Wanneer `n mens empaties is, dink jy voordat jy antwoord en jy gee
duidelike antwoorde en wys dat jy belangstel.
• Ask if you are uncertain about the feelings of the other person
• Jy vra as jy onseker is oor iets wat die ander persoon gesê het.
• By developing your own listening skills, you can model them to
others. They in turn will become better listeners and you will feel
heard, understood and respected! / Wanneer jy `n goeie luisteraar is kan
jy dit ook aan ander oordra. As hul dan ook beter luisteraars is, sal jy voel
of jy beter begryp word en gerespekteer word!
• Give the other person your full attention
• Wees werklik ingestel op die ander persoon en wys hom/haar
dat hul jou volle aandag het.
• Your body language should be involved, for example:
– Sit relatively close to the other person
– Maintain eye contact naturally/
– Open posture
– Lean a little forward
PRACTICE THIS SKILL
– Stay relaxed
• Jou liggaamstaal moet as volg wees:
– Sit redelik na aan die ander persoon;
– Behou oogkontak;
– Jou liggaamshouding moet oop wees;
– Leun `n bietjie vorentoe;
– Bly ontspanne.
YOU CAN BE A STAR IN YOUR
INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS!!
“To achieve personal fulfillment,
you must be prepared to take action toward your goal.
When you do, you find that all sorts of extraordinary
things may begin to happen.”
-Anonymous
JY KAN `n STER WEES IN JOU
INTERPERSOONLIKE VERHOUDING!!
“ Om persoonlike vervulling te smaak, moet jy bereid
wees om jou doelwit aktief na te streef. Wanneer jy dit
doen, sal jy vind dat allerlei buitengewone dinge begin
gebeur.”
- Anoniem