Act 2, Scene 2 - Wedding Shower
Scene Description: Bradford Country Club
Characters Sandy
Shower Hostess Bald Friend
Guy Friend 1 Hocus Pocus Witches- Winnie,
Grandma Stein Sarah, Mary
Eddie Rod Blago
Grandma White Patti Blago
Jay Cutler Elvira
Shrek Bridesmaids
Fiona Mayhem
Lights on
Tables set up with guests. Guests are seated but also can enter from side
stage to present gifts.
Curtain closed, bridesmaid sticks head out and sees the bridal couple coming
and announces in a loud whisper that the couple is coming!
Curtain opens to reveal the shower set up!
All: SURPRISE!
Shower Hostess: Sandy! Are you surprised? We’ve been planning this
for days. Come on over here and sit – Eddie you too!
Guy Friend 1: Let’s get down to the real reason you’re here. The
gifts!
Grandma Stein walks over to the couple and gives her gift – they open it.
Eddies is thrilled, Sandy is NOT, but politely pretends to like the gift as she
holds is with two fingers as far away as she can.
Grandma Stein: They finally came out with a Snuggie that’s actually
attractive! The Monster version! It’ll keep you two
Love birds warm on those cold nights. Eddie takes it and puts
it on.
Eddie: This is great Gram – we love it! Thank you.
Grandma White sets gift down – Sandy opens it. Sandy looks confused, so
Grandma White takes the shake weight and demonstrates.
Grandma White: [continuing to demonstrate shake weight] My friend
Sally O’Malley from the Senior Center told me about
this. She likes to stretch [stretches while shaking], and
kick [kicks while shaking], but she also likes to SHAKE!
Guy Friend: Shake it, Grandma!
Jay Cutler: [Takes weight from Grandma] No, this is how I use it –
it’s what made me the QB I am today. Takes it in his
right hand and holds it over his head in a throwing
motion.
Guy Friend: Oh, so it makes you throw a record number of
interceptions and get a concussion?
Shrek: (Scottish accent) Fiona let’s just give them the gift
and get out of here, please!
Fiona: Don’t be such an ogre, Shrek. (To Sandy) We spent
the whole day picking out the perfect gift for you, Sandy and
Eddie.
Sandy takes out a Gingerbread Man cookie cutter gift with card attached
Sandy: (reads the card): “To Shrek and Fiona from Gingy”
Shower Hostess: O.M.G. is this a REGIFT?
Shrek: It’s not like Fiona could use this - she’s not much of a baker.
She’s more of a slime and worms gal now.
Bald Friend: [gives Flowbee] LOOK! It’s a Flowbee! It’s the no-
mess hair trimming system. [Turns on Flowbee. Yells
over the noise] Just turn it on and GO! It sucks as it cuts! [goes
at people--they protect their heads. He turns Flowbee off
] You’ve got nothing to lose... [points to bald head] ...but your
HAIR!
Witches of “Hocus Pocus” approach Sandy and Eddie with a huge black
cauldron, steaming with dry ice and big bow.
Witches are Winnie (Bette/red haired, buck teeth), Sarah (Sara Jess Parker,
pretty, blond, ditzy), Mary (Large, Brunette, Ditszy, says “Broom Ho!”, barks
a lot)
Winnie: Sandy! Eddie! “DAHLINGS”..No kitchen is complete
without your own family cauldron.
Sarah: (Walks around stage and flirts with the men in the
audience and on stage) My what lovely creatures you have
as in-laws, Eddie. I could get to know some of these
new relatives on closer terms I think!
Mary: (Sniffs out the kids in the audience and makes
comments about them.) And look at the delightful,
delicious, children that are here too! That one will fit in
our pot… there’s a tender little one… that one’s meaty – could
be tough”
Winnie: I’m also including a book of my best spells and
concoctions that’ll take care of everything from arguments
to zombies. (Hands her an old book)
Song: “A Change Will Do You Good” Sheryl Crow
Mary: Gotta go--Broom Ho! (Witches exit)
Rod Blago: (comes in with Patti waving and shaking hands with
everyone and pointing to people in the audience)
All these gifts are great and all but really, I am here to
present you with the best gift that only I could give.
Opens a folding chair with the words SENATE on the back.
Rod: A US Senate seat.
Patti: Take the seat, kid, (To Eddie) we need all the
(bleeeeep) favors (bleeeep) get. If you two are looking
for a (bleeeep) rental, we have a great place in
Springfield--the governor’s (bleeeeep) mansion.
Mayhem: (Deadpan voice) I give you my painting – the most famous
painting in Park Ridge. It has been hanging in the Brickton
Art Center, but now I present it to you. (Gives them “the
Donovan”)
Eddie: This last one was sent from my Cousin Svengoolie –
{his and hearse tees}
Dance : “White Wedding” canned
Curtain Closes
Transition Bouffant Girls “Will You Love Me Tomorrow”