The Model

The Model



A TG Novel









By JC

The Model

Prologue – Mad World

Chapter 1 – Let me tell you a tale, a tale of…

Chapter 2 – Welcome to the house of…

Chapter 3 – Feared by the bad, Loved by the Poor…

Chapter 4 – I don‟t wanna be a boy, I wanna be a girl, I wanna do things that

make your hair curl…

Chapter 5 – She‟s a model and she looking fine…

Chapter 6 – …Just wait till the guys get a load of me…

Chapter 7 – I‟ve got something to tell ya, I‟ve got something to say…

Chapter 8 – Shot Through The Heart, You're To Blame…

Chapter 9 – Things seemed so perfect you know…

Chapter 10 – Hey Teacher Leave those kids alone…

Chapter 11 – Ah that‟s bad…

Chapter 12 – It‟s the end of the world as we know it…

Chapter 13 – I don‟t care what they say about me anyway, I don‟t care „bout

that.

Chapter 14 – Don‟t worry about a thing, „cos every little thing is gonna be

alright.

Chapter 15 – It‟s Life Jim but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we

know it…

Prologue – Mad World

“Okay Rose have you got everything ready for the morning?”

“Yes mum.”

“Well then better hop into bed, I’ll give you a lift in, in the morning and stop worrying

about it just tell anyone who asks that its your cousin.”

“I suppose, love you.”

“Love you now sleep”

Well I suppose I should go to sleep but I can’t help but wonder if this happens to normal

people!

Chapter 1 – Let me tell you a tale, a tale of…

I was sticking on the last transfer when Jenny rang, the model was looking

good, of course my models generally did, whilst I had been ill I spent most of

my spare time making them, I had even won a competition. Now I was feeling

better I was determined that I would learn to do something else.

“Ross, hi it‟s Jenny, listen mum and dad are taking us to the Royal

Armouries in Leeds, Dave is bringing his mate James do you want to come with

me?” I thought about it for all of a minute, the models I liked most were

military so going to a military museum would be fun.

“Yeah, that would be nice, um; I‟ll need to check with mum first.”

“Oh that‟s okay we would be setting off at about ten tomorrow, we‟re going

on the train, so if you could meet us at Skipton station at 9:50?”

“Well I‟ll ask mum and I‟ll ring you back if she says I can‟t go okay?”

“Yeah, see you.” I hung up the receiver and went looking for mum. When I

had first got ill mum worked for computer shop, after dad left though she

started working from home, then two years ago my Gran died and left her a

whole load of money, she used it set up her own consultancy, now she had

turned our living room into an office, it made the house a bit smaller but

meant she was always in.

“Mum that was Jenny.”

“And?”

“She wants me to go to the Royal Armouries in Leeds with her; well her

parents are taking her.”

“And you want to go?”

“Yeah, it‟s all armour and guns and stuff.”

“Yes I know what the Armouries are Ross. Well I can‟t think of any reason

why not, you have tablets just keep an eye on what you eat, you know what

sets you off.”

“Yes mum.” I did although my serious illness was gone, or so I hoped, some

chemicals that were commonly added to food would set off an allergic reaction,

the last time it happened I had spent three days in Airedale (hospital).

“How are you getting there?”

“Train from Skipton, um can I have a lift in, in the morning please?”

“If it‟s before ten yes, I have to see a client in Silsden, I can drop you off on

the way.”

“Jenny says the train is at 10 so they want me there at ten to.”

-4-

“Okay, what are you doing for the rest of today?”

“Um nothing, I finished my last model, I need to tidy my room a bit, and I

need to do some washing.”

“How much school work have you left?”

“Just a bit of English, the rest is done; um well I suppose I could do some

more French.”

“Well, I have to see a client in Keighley, at one then I‟m in Leeds until six,

so how about I drop you in Keighley then you can bus into Leeds and I‟ll bring

you home tonight, then you can do some shopping or catch a film.”

“Can Jenny come too?”

“Well if she can get here for um, twelve.”

“I‟ll ring her.”

Jenny was my best friend she lived in the same village, I had met her nearly

seven years ago in hospital, she was in with something minor I was in

recovering from surgery. She was really scared, she had never been away

from home before, certainly not in a place like the hospital, when her parents

and brother left her when visiting hours were over she had sat down and cried,

eventually I had gone over and comforted her.

Over the course of the next few days we turned that first meeting into a

profound friendship, we had done everything together, when she was ready to

leave we exchanged addresses and promised to keep in touch. Since I had

been ill I had never attended the local primary school, so I had few other

friends, when I came home Jenny came round to see me most days after

school, her parents got on with mine.

Seven years later we still saw each other nearly every day, her only

complaint was I disliked talking about her favourite subject at the moment,

boys. Mine well when we had first met she had problems calling me Ross and

had called me Rose, she still did it, I mean it wasn‟t malicious and if I

reminded her she stopped, but the next time she was distracted out came

Rose again.

* * *

“Hi Dave, can I speak to Jenny please?” Dave is Jenny‟s older brother he is

nearly 16 and not my favourite person, he is a bit of a bully and bullies both of

us.

“JENNY PHONE…

“Jenny it‟s your friend Rose.”

“Hi Ross,” Jenny said, I heard Dave in the background saying that he would

leave us girls to chat.

-5-

“Hi Jenny, mum‟s taking me to Keighley this afternoon I‟m going to get a

bus into Leeds, do you want to come, she‟ll give us a lift home tonight.”

“Okay that‟ll be fun, I‟ll tell mum and come straight round, when are we

going?”

“You need to be here for twelve.”

“No problem, see you soon Ross.”

“Bye.”









-6-

Chapter 2 – Welcome to the house of…

I went upstairs to my room, when dad moved out mum had moved into the

smaller spare room, I had moved into her old room as it has an on-suite,

which made it easier for me, and mum when she was bathing me. Now the

room looked like your average teenagers room, well actually it probably didn‟t,

it was very tidy, I hated mess so except my desk which still had model making

bit and pieces on it the place was fairly spotless, I set to tidying my desk. My

computer made the noise for incoming mail, so I looked at that as well.

The email was from one of my online friends, a girl called Natalie, she lived

in York with her parents we had met on one of the Yahoo chat rooms and got

chatting, she is a year younger than me, and into sports and historical re-

enactments, you know like Sealed Knot and stuff. She is beyond that really

nice and one day I hoped to meet her in the flesh, this message was to wish

me a belated happy birthday, the problem with having a birthday in the middle

of the summer I had always found was that all my friends went away at the

same time.

I finished tidying my desk, mum called me to say that she was running late

and she wanted me to be ready, if I wasn‟t she wouldn‟t wait. As I was still in

my pyjamas I went to get dressed, well I had a shower of course, then I got

dressed, Shorts didn‟t really suit me, my skin was very white and I had skinny

legs but I knew Leeds would be hot on a day like today, the t-shirt was from a

friend in the states, it was black and had „French is a language specifically

designed by people who hate the rest of humanity.‟1 In big writing across the

front, I had met her online too we did a brisk trade she sent me odd American

stuff and t-shirts like this one I sent her Jars of Marmite™, one a month. She

had had it while over here on an exchange, and got addicted.

I looked in the mirror and combed my over long hair, I much preferred it

long but it was getting a bit long now almost down to my shoulders. I was

fairly small for my age, and as I said skinny. My features were all very fine and

I had a button nose, I suppose I would have been teased if I had gone to

school, but as I had been ill so much I had had a private tutor until this

summer. I was however starting school this autumn and not looking forward to

it I finished dressing with a shirt. Then the bell went.

“Hi Jenny,” I said as I pulled the door open. I let her in and looking at the

clock decided that I would remind mum of the time. “Mum says she is running

late so she‟ll drive like a nutter.” Jenny grinned, she had always been

somewhat in awe of mum, though I‟m not sure why.



1

This I pinched from a Tuck chapter, I know it’s not mine sorry…





-7-

“Mum its 12 o‟clock are you ready?”

“What…” She rushed past me and then darted back into the office, she

looked very nice, she had a deep purple business suit on, the skirt came down

to just below the knee. She looked as always immaculate. I caught her keys as

she passed and taking them I took the hint and took Jenny out to the car.

Mum is into two things the first she has made a career out of, computers. The

second she reserves for her hobby, my mum is a Land Rover fanatic, she

drives a remodelled series 3, she did all the basic work on it herself and then

sent it off to a specialist to have a new engine fitted and a whole load of other

stuff, it looks so cool, and sounds like you could drag race it. I unlocked the

doors and climbed into the back, the front was reserved for mum‟s briefcase

and laptop bag.

The drive to Keighley normally takes about an hour depending on the traffic,

today it took a little less than forty minutes, when she let us off at the lights

near the bus station Jenny was white and even I was feeling a little wobbly, I

thanked her and we set off for the bus station. We stopped in a Gregg‟s to buy

lunch, Jenny has a silly diet too, her mum is a vegan, which means she not

only won‟t eat meat but won‟t eat animal products either, this makes it difficult

on Jenny as she is not allowed to eat meat at home, her mum makes her eat

Quorn™ and tofu and stuff, Jenny likes her meat, so when we are out we

always indulge her this time it was a corned beef pasty, I had a bread roll, I

didn‟t want to risk having in a reaction to unknown chemicals in one of the

pasties.

We caught the next bus into Leeds, the journey only takes about forty

minutes and it goes through some quite nice country, which is strange as

Bradford and Leeds is a huge conurbation with Keighley in the middle. We

passed the abbey at Kirkstall and the new shopping complex nearby, then

down the main road past the shop where I had been to look at bikes a couple

of weeks ago.

We decided that we would shop first, so we didn‟t get off at the Warner

Village for a film, I don‟t think there was anything worth watching anyway. We

got off in the centre of Leeds, I have to say I‟m not a big fan of Leeds its very

dirty, but there are some great shops, one of my favourite is a shop called

Computer Exchange, they have loads of PC bits in the window, and play good

music, so we went in there and wandered around, next it was into Virgin,

Jenny wanted to see if she could find a new dance CD she had seen advertised,

she had of course forgotten what it was called.

Then we went into Boots, Boots is a big chemist or pharmacy, it sells drugs,

toiletries, health and beauty products; and of course make up. Which is why

we were here, Jenny had been given a boots gift voucher by a relative for her

birthday, I said we were the same age well her birthday is a week before mine,

-8-

now she was looking for some new lip gloss and some other bits „n‟ pieces. I

was used to this sort of shopping as I always went shopping with Jenny, I

didn‟t actually mind it much but didn‟t like being asked for my opinion all the

time.

“Can I help you girls?” A pretty girl in the Boots uniform was beaming at us.

“I want some nice gloss and some mascara, and maybe some more things.”

“Do you know what shades you want?”

“Well…”

“Tell you what why don‟t I show you ladies what we have in this new range,

it‟s the Boots natural range, it only contains natural products, is hypoallergenic

and hasn‟t been tested on animals.”

“Yes please.” Said Jenny, I was beginning to get worried as the girl eyed me

up. “Come on Rose it‟ll be fun.” I just glared at Jenny. The girl however didn‟t

seem to notice and helped me up onto one of the seats and Jenny onto the

other, then she set to work on us. I will not go into details but by the time she

had finished with us I was sick of it and Jenny was glowing, Jenny spent her

tokens and led me out of the shop.

“Why on earth are you glaring at me like that?”

“I would have thought it was obvious I don‟t like makeup and I wish you

would stop calling me Rose.” She pouted and looked sad. “Oh I‟m sorry, it‟s

just that stuff doesn‟t excite me, and I don‟t like people thinking I‟m a sissy or

some sort of pervert.”

“Ross I know you won‟t believe me but anyone who sees you will just think

you‟re a teenage girl.”

“Maybe so but I‟m not and don‟t want to be, I have enough problems being

a boy as it is without this.” I said indicating my face.

“Well we can‟t get it off here, tell you what pretend for me and I promise I‟ll

be better and stop calling you Rose, once we get home.” Well standing there in

Bond Street I couldn‟t think of any alternative so agreed.

By half five I wished I hadn‟t we had been in just about every clothes shop

in Leeds, to start with I had refused to buy anything but then Jenny went into

a sulk, I hate to see her upset so I bought stuff to make her happy, admittedly

except for one or two things it was all cheap stuff but still, I didn‟t intend on

wearing it again. Sometimes I think I must be stupid, Jenny bet me that mum

wouldn‟t say anything when she picked us up. Even when I pressed her she

made no comment, darn now I was stuck wearing some of my purchases

tomorrow.

Jenny came home with me and I took all my new things upstairs, Jenny

looked through it all and showed me what I was to wear the following day, I

-9-

pleaded with her to keep it simple and I think in the end she decided to do

that, I was to wear a plain t-shirt in lilac, white trainers and the hipster jeans I

had bought today, as I had ended up purchasing some underwear I was going

to have to wear that too, I was not looking forward to tomorrow now.









- 10 -

Chapter 3 – Feared by the rich, Loved by the Poor…

The following day turned out nice, I dressed in the suggested clothing

knowing that if I didn‟t Jenny would sulk all day, incidentally making my day

miserable too, I was ready to go when mum set off for the half hour drive to

Skipton station.

“Ross, is it my imagination or were you wearing makeup last night?” Mum

asked me.

“Um, uh, well yeah. I had a bet on with Jenny, she didn‟t think anyone

would notice it, and well even you didn‟t so now I‟ve lost…”

“Well I did notice but I didn‟t want to embarrass you in front of Jenny, what

is your forfeit?”

“Ah,” now what to say, “well I have to do some stuff for her today. Be nice

to her that sort of thing…”

“Has it got anything to do with what you're wearing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well you appear to be wearing a bra and I could have sworn those trousers

are meant for a girl.”

“Oh no, everyone will laugh at me. Do you think everyone will know?”

“Well I don‟t think that you can hide the fact you're wearing girls clothing…”

“NOOOO…”

“But, well you could just pretend that you are a girl, then who would know?”

“Um, do you really think, I mean I don‟t know anything about girls.”

“Well just copy Jenny, she does fine. You do have your house keys on you

don‟t you?” I nodded. “Well you could always get a bus home and not go, that

is always an option.”

“Oh I know but, I really like Jenny and she makes me miserable when she

sulks…”

“Which she always does unless she gets her own way, I‟ll tell you what, live

with it today and I will have a word with her tomorrow, we‟ll sort this out,

okay?”

“Um thanks mum, I love you.”

“I should hope you do, now have you got everything? Money?”

“Yes.”

“Food?”

“Yes.”

“Medicine, medical card.”

- 11 -

“Yes, um yeah.”

“Phone?”

“Yeah. I think I‟ve got everything, oh um hang on no hankies.”

“Try my handbag.” I had a quick rummage and found a packet.

“Thanks.” We sat in silence for a bit.

“Ross you don‟t seem very bothered, I mean if most boys were wearing

what you were and had been found out they would be seriously unhappy at the

prospect of being in them for a whole day. Are you sure you're all right?”

I thought about it, I actually wasn‟t that bothered, it wasn‟t like I was going

to do this again, and I knew that if I did do it today, then I would be able to

get Jenny to do stuff I liked in future. And rather embarrassingly the clothes

that I was wearing, with the exception of the bra, were actually quite

comfortable. “Um well it‟s not like I‟m going to do it again, and I‟ll be one up

on Jenny in the future, so I don‟t see a real problem, I mean I‟m a little, no

quite uncomfortable about being out like this but considering what she could

have asked me to wear it‟s not so bad.”

“Um I think I see, anyway I will have a word with her tomorrow, right, if I

drop you here are you alright walking the last little bit, you have plenty of

time?”

“Yeah, thanks mum, bye.”

“Bye see you tonight.” I slammed the door and waved as she did a u-turn,

the car behind beeped at her and then at me. I stepped back from the curb as

Jenny‟s parents drew up. Jenny opened her door and then slid across the back

seat to let me get in.

“I thought Dave and James were coming?”

“No Dave went out last night and got drunk, the police brought him home so

he‟s grounded.” I felt a wave of relief as Jenny explained, Dave was one of my

least favourite people. “You look nice,” she continued, “so Rose are you going

to as you're told?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“Of course, but you promised.”

“I know, okay I‟ll do what you want all day, but then we‟re square okay?”

“Yes Rose.” By this time we had arrived at the station, Skipton station is

quite smart built in the 18th century, in yellow sandstone, more recently the

line has been electrified up to Skipton and the trains to and from Leeds were

quick and comfortable. We got on the train and found seats, the train wasn‟t

crowded, so we spread out, we didn‟t want to sit with Jenny‟s parents. I soon

wished we had, Jenny quickly produced some make up and skilfully did a good



- 12 -

job making my face pretty, or should I say prettier. Then she skilfully braided

my hair into multiple braids three on each side, with a bobble on each. When

she showed me what I looked like I was astounded to be almost unable to see

Ross. “What will your parents say?”

“I had to tell mum, she said as long as you were happy to do it, it was your

decision and she said she would talk to dad.”

“Okay, well I‟m not ecstatic but I don‟t think anyone will realize, do you?”

“I just wish you had pierced ears…”

“NO WAY!”

“No well I didn‟t think you would, try these instead.” These were magnetic

earrings, two brightly coloured flowers with magnetic backs were soon in place

on my lobes. This whole transformation had taken nearly half an hour, just

about the time it takes from Skipton to Leeds.

The walk from the station to the armouries is not long but for me on a day

like today with the hordes of visitors it was horrible, I kept thinking that at any

moment I would be exposed as a fraud. Jenny chattered away about this and

that, I mainly paid no attention. A lot of her chatter was an almost running

commentary about the various boys around us, I knew that she was doing this

for my benefit as she didn‟t usually provide such a service.

“Jenny I don‟t care…”

“But he‟s got such a cute butt.”

“Jenny I do not care, whether or not any boy has a cute butt, and certainly

not him.” I glared at her.

“Sorry its just I well, forget, sorry.”

“Jenny, leave her alone. I told you this morning that you were not allowed to

tease her.”

“Yes mum.” I smiled at Mrs. Mathews in relief. Jenny was walking ahead on

her own so I hurried up.

“Sorry Jenny, it‟s just well,” I looked around, “I‟m not into boys, when girls

are much nicer.”

“Oh you…”





The Armouries building is huge, in a vast open space which I suppose was

all car parking space, we had arrived before most of the crowds I assumed as

the car park was only half full. As we walked round the corner towards the

main entrance we passed a film unit of some sort, we both stared at the

people milling around hoping to see someone famous. The main entrance is a

huge open area, the doors are at one end and at the other is the ticket barrier

- 13 -

where you pay. All the way along were various posters and signs advertising

different displays, exhibitions and events. Jenny and I were both rather

overawed by the sheer size of the place I think.

Once we had paid, we went through the barrier and waited for Jenny‟s

parents.

“Right it‟s,” Jenny‟s dad looked at his watch. “eleven now we‟ll eat at one,

okay?” We nodded. “okay shall we meet here then at one?” We nodded and

waved goodbye at him and Jenny‟s mum.

“Where do you want to start Rose?”

“Armour, um, then…”

“Then its my choice.”

“Okay.” We headed up the stairs and into the right hand wing.

I‟m not going to go into a great deal of detail, we wandered around all

morning until lunch time, there is a lot to see, and I had a lot of fun, after we

had had our lunch we rushed round to see the rest of it. Or as much as we

could before three.

* * *

At three o‟clock we all went to watch some of the displays together, the first

display was archery, it was really fun to watch, we had managed to get front

row seats, so when the guy doing the display asked for volunteers we both

volunteered. There were maybe twelve of us, we were in the middle age wise.

Jenny was the only girl.

“Right if you boys want to come over here…”

“Rose.” I stopped and stayed beside her blushing from embarrassment.

“… if you guys want to grab one of those each and form a line over there.”

The boys each grabbed a bow, and formed a line facing the targets at the

other end of the amphitheatre. “Right I‟ll give each of you a hand in a moment.

Now girls, what only two of you, what are your names girls.”

“I‟m Jenny and this is Rose.”

“This young Lady is Jenny,” he turned her round to face the audience, “and

this is Rose.” He said turning me round too, I was by this point blushing

furiously. “I think she‟s a bit shy.” The audience laughed appreciatively.

“Right girls I‟m going to get the boys shooting so if you wait a moment my

beautiful assistant Maid Marion will come and give you a hand.” He of course

was wearing a green outfit and supposed to be Robin Hood. Maid Marion

appeared out of one of the side doors and came over to us.







- 14 -

“Hello girls,” handed us each a bow, and an arrow. I had short sleeves so

she also tied a leather thing to my wrist. “Right Jenny you start, if you hold

your bow like this,” she demonstrated for us.

“Now put your arrow to the string, and hold it with… Yeah just like that. Now

draw it back, as far as you can, to your ear, then sight down the arrow. Take a

deep breath and as you release it let go…” The crowd had been clapping as the

boys put arrows into the far wall and targets. Jenny‟s arrow flew straight and

true into the bulls eye of the target.

“Oh good girl, want another try?” Jenny nodded enthusiastically, she was

handed another arrow, this time it hit the target about an inch from the first,

still within the bulls eye. Then it was my turn, I did everything the same way,

my first arrow did hit the target but near the edge.

“Go on Rose you can do it.” Jenny said. My second arrow also found the

target this time just outside the centre spot.





“Right I want a big round of applause for our volunteers,” the boys and

Robin Hood bowed, before the boys went back to their seats. “And an even

bigger hand to Jenny and Rose today‟s winners, Maid Marion passed him

something, here you go girls a little memento of your shooting today.” he put

a medal round each of our necks. I looked at mine it had a target with an

arrow and a number one. Wow.

The next display was tilting, tilting is jousting, one of the knights explained

all about how it was intended to stop bloodshed at tournaments, and then he

knocked the other guy off his horse. That was really fun until once again he

asked for volunteers again, Jenny put her hand up again, Jenny, me and two

boys were selected. Maid Marion who was now wearing a different outfit came

out of a side door with a trolley full of armour. She helped us into various

pieces of armour. Then we staggered around with wooden swords, the armour

was so heavy that even the biggest of the boys could hardly move. After

another round of applause we were allowed back to our seats.

The final demonstration was of falconry, the man doing the show had four

birds, he explained about how in the old days each class was only allowed to

have a certain type of bird. Next he used lures and bits of meat to show us

how they could catch moving targets, the last bit he showed us was of one of

the birds catching a rabbit. The rabbit was actually a Radio controlled car with

a toy rabbit and a bit of meat on top. His bird caught it with surprising ease.

This time to my relief he didn‟t ask for any volunteers.

* * *

As we all got up to leave there was an announcement, I didn‟t hear it as was

chatting to Jenny.

- 15 -

“Girls that was you they‟re asking for.” Said Jenny‟s mum.

“What was.” Jenny looked confused,

“They want the two girls who won the archery to go back out.”

“Why?”

“Well I think you‟ll just have to go and find out.” We both made our way

back out into the centre of the amphitheatre.

“Hello girls,” said the Man who had been Robin Hood, “this is Mary White,

she is head of Marketing for the museum.”

“Hello girls, I was watching the display earlier I wondered if you would like

to do some modelling for us here at the museum?”

“Wow yeah.” Said Jenny, I felt nervous.

“Are your parents here?” Jenny waved at her mum who was standing by the

exit, her mum walked over.

“Hi I‟m Mary White I‟m head of Marketing in the museum, I was watching

the girls earlier I was hoping they would be able to do some modelling for us.”

“Oh, well I can only speak for Jenny, Rose is her friend but I would think it

would be okay with her mum. Um when though?”

“Well I‟m afraid it wouldn‟t be for a week or so, we would have to set up a

shoot, and get our other models ready, then we would need them for two or

three days.”

“Well we don‟t live locally and we would have to check with Rose‟s mum.”

“Oh that‟s not a problem, we will put you up in a hotel in Leeds, look tell you

what here‟s my card, drop me a line in the next day or so.” Jenny‟s mum took

the card, looked at it and put it in her handbag.

Both Jenny and I were quite silent on the way home both weighed down

with our own thoughts, I really didn‟t want to do it, it would mean being „Rose‟

for at least three days more. I knew Jenny was thinking about it too, I realized

that she would be unlikely to see my side of it.

“Please say you‟ll do it Rose.” We were already in the car driving back up the

valley towards home.

“I don‟t know, I mean I don‟t want to spend anymore time like this,” I

tugged at my lilac t-shirt, “couldn‟t you do it on your own.”

“Well I suppose so but I want to do it with you.”

“No you want to do it with Rose, if they wanted Ross I suppose I would do it

but I don‟t like being Rose much.” We both lapsed into silence only rousing

from our own thoughts to say goodbye when I was dropped at my gate.





- 16 -

Chapter 4 – I don’t wanna be a boy, I wanna be a

girl, I wanna do things that make your hair curl…

“Hi Love did you have a good day?” Mum was in the kitchen making tea

when I got in.

“Yeah I suppose.”

“Really you don‟t sound too happy.”

“Well the museum was cool but…”

“But?” I explained what had happened.

“Well it‟s your choice. Why don‟t you go and get changed then we‟ll have

tea. Janice is coming over tonight so I want to get tidied up before she gets

here.” I went upstairs and had a shower, I actually quite liked my hair in braids

so left it as it was, I did remove the bobbles. I dressed in the „French‟ t-shirt

and jeans and went back downstairs.

“Nice shower… Are you leaving your hair like that?”

“Yeah I quite like it.”

“Well okay then.” We had tea, one of my favourite teas homemade burgers,

chips and peas. We tidied up the kitchen together then I went to watch TV, I‟m

not a big fan of TV, I suppose I have watched an awful lot, when you're really

sick you can‟t do much else. But tonight I was tired and had too much on my

mind to really do anything else. I didn‟t know what to do, I really didn‟t want

to spend more time as Rose, but at the same time I didn‟t want to upset my

best friend, I hoped she would be happy doing it on her own.

Janice duly arrived, Janice is technically my aunt, she is dad‟s sister and the

only part of his family we are still in contact with. She has always been nice to

me so I‟m quite fond of her. She comes to see mum about once a month, they

sit and drink wine together and talk, tonight they came and sat in the living

room with me.

“Oh Ross I do like your hair.”

“Thanks.” I blushed.

“You do look cute when you do that.” She laughed. “your mum has been

telling me about your day. Did you really win 1st prize for archery?”

“Yeah, well with Jenny.”

“How is she?”

“She‟s okay I suppose.”

“Are you going to try modelling then?”

“No.”



- 17 -

“Why not it could be fun, I bet they‟ll pay you too.” I hadn‟t thought of that.

“I have to pretend to be a girl though.”

“Well that‟s not so bad, when Trisha did modelling she had to pretend to be

ugly.” I giggled, Trisha is Janice‟s daughter, she is 22 and absolutely beautiful,

she works in a bank in London, but did some modelling when she was at

school. “So it shouldn‟t be too hard for you. I think you ought to give it a go.”

“I really don‟t want to.”

“Well it‟s your choice.”

* * *

I sat and thought about it, by bedtime I hadn‟t come to any conclusions.

* * *

The following day I was ill, it wasn‟t serious, occasionally I was ill after being

out the doctors thought it was probably because I had eaten trace amounts of

the chemicals that made me really ill.

* * *

The next day was Thursday, I felt fine and got up and dressed. I had a

shower and then spent ages trying to braid my hair, after a while I gave up,

my arms were trembling and my hair was a mess. Around lunch time Jenny‟s

mum rang. I had heard the phone ring but mum was in so answered it.

“Ross can I have a word please?” I went downstairs, mum was in the

kitchen, making a salad for lunch. “Sit down.” I did beginning to feel nervous.

“That was Cynthia,” Jenny‟s mum, “She has been talking to Mary White from

the museum. They don‟t want Jenny on her own. Actually reading between the

lines they want you and not Jenny. They‟ve asked Jenny to stop her feeling left

out. Jenny has her heart set on it. Cynthia needs to ring Mary White back

today to say whether or not you will do the shoot.”

“Oh… I don‟t know… um… Rose?”

“Yes they don‟t know about Ross.”

“The deal is quite nice, you two and Cynthia, three days in a hotel in Leeds,

behind the scenes tour of the museum and two hundred pounds, they have

said as spending money, that‟s a hundred each I assume.”

“Oh…” I sat and thought I looked at mum, but she was looking in the fridge,

I didn‟t know what to do, on one hand the trip sounded really nice and the

money wasn‟t to be sniffed at. On the other I would have to be a girl for three

days in front of loads of people, and when it was over I would have pictures

that lots of people would see, someone was sure to notice. I had to think of





- 18 -

Jenny too, if I refused she would be upset, she was a good friend, I felt if the

position was reversed I thought she would dress as a boy for me.

“I‟ll do it.” I hoped that was the right decision. Mum smiled at me and

handed me the phone.

“Well ring and tell her then, I think you made the right choice.”

* * *

“Hello Jenny, um can I speak to your mum?”

“Hang on, are you going to do it?”

“Oh I don‟t know…”

“Please, pretty please with sugar on top…”

“…why but yes I‟m going to.”

“…oh thank you, I love you… MUM PHONE…” I held the receiver away from

my ear.

“Hello, hello.”

“Hello Mrs. Mathews. I‟ve decided to go for it.”

“Yes I think I guessed… Jenny be quiet,” The screams in the background

diminished somewhat, “I‟ll ring Mary and give her the news, the shoot will be a

week on Tuesday we‟ll go down on Monday stay over night at the Queens Hotel

and then you‟ll be at the museum until five-ish, Mary said that you will have

two full days Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday we‟ll have the morning at the

museum, then we come home. So are you sure, you will have to be Rose for

nearly four days?”

“Yes, I mean I can‟t let Jenny down now can I?”

“Well I would rather you didn‟t but I won‟t force you I know this is hard for

you.”

“Thanks.”

“Right, I‟ll speak to you soon, bye.”

“Bye.”

* * *

The next few days I was fairly bored, Jenny had gone to her Gran‟s, she

would have been going the week after but as we would be busy that week she

had gone early. The following Monday mum took me shopping, mum is not a

fan of shopping, I don‟t mind unless it‟s for food, if its for food I have to read

every label to make sure that E1058 is not in it. However we were clothes

shopping which I don‟t mind, well didn‟t.





- 19 -

We set off after lunch, because of my dietary requirements it is easier to eat

at home than in town, this was another trip to Leeds, although you could buy

clothes in our local town there just wasn‟t the choice. The first two shops were

normal, BHS for school shirts and Debenhams for some trousers. The next stop

was a Clarks shoe shop, I needed two pairs of shoes and a pair of trainers, the

first pair was fine a pair of black shoes then the assistant brought out the next

shoe mum looked puzzled, so did I when I had it on, it had about an inch and a

half of heel, mum asked the assistant about it and she assured us that

everyone wore them, I quite liked them, being small is a hindrance. The

trainers were a plain white, they fitted fine so we got those too.

The next shop was a JJB, as I had never been to a proper school before I

had never needed a sports kit, we had a list from the school of what I would

need, it was one of those general lists, at the top was what a boy needs at the

bottom was the list for a girl. As we went in mum‟s mobile went off, she talked

for a moment and then hung up, we attracted an assistant, she took the list off

mum, mum told her we needed everything in my sizes. Then her phone went

again.

“Damn… Hello Walker IT…

…

“Look can it not wait I‟m a little busy at the moment, oh okay hang on I‟ll be

with you in a mo‟…” She apologized to the assistant and telling me to do as I

was told and went outside.

“Right follow me, we‟ll get started on this list while your mum is outside.” I

must admit I hadn‟t even looked at the list so I was a little surprised when the

first thing I needed to try on was a pair of leggings. Next I went through a

whole load of spandex, Lycra™ and various other stretchy fabrics, after I had

tried it on it went onto the heap, I was a little surprised about the crop tops

but I supposed that the assistant knew what she was doing, she didn‟t stop

handing me things and helping me in and out of stuff for nearly half an hour, in

the entire time mum didn‟t reappear. I was waiting by the till with three well

stuffed bags when she did. The assistant said she had added some stuff that

she was sure I would need.

After mum had paid blanching a bit at the price we went for a drink.

“Right what are you going to wear next week?”

“Um what do you mean?”

“Well you can‟t wear one pair of jeans and one t-shirt for three days, you‟ll

need underwear as well.”

“Oh, I hadn‟t thought of that, what will I need?”





- 20 -

“Well I think three or four t-shirts, another pair of trousers or shorts. A

dress…”

“Do I have to have a dress?”

“Yes, they would think it odd if you didn‟t. Um what else? Oh underwear,

panties and bras. Uh something to sleep in, some makeup, some jewellery. A

pair of shoes, no sandals. Socks. Lets go back to BHS we‟ll get a lot there then

we‟ll try some of the teen shops.” So we did, it took forever, as I said I‟m not

too bothered about shopping I usually enjoy it but this shopping was nerve

racking after BHS I had underwear so mum insisted that I try things on, every

time someone other than mum asked me a question I thought I had been

rumbled.

The drive home was boring as usual unless mum was in a rush she drove

quite carefully, I dozed off. When we got in a carefully unpacked all my clothes

and put it away. I decided to have an early night and read in bed, which is

exactly what I did.





The next two days passed slowly Jenny was still at her Gran‟s I spent some

time online looking for something to do, I‟m not a great games player so even

though I have IDSN I don‟t play games online, I do spend a lot of time in chat

rooms, I have a group of online friends most in Britain but others around the

world. Most of them don‟t use their real names they use handles instead mine

is Briar, that was Jenny‟s idea, Briar Rose.

Jenny would be back on the Saturday before the shoot mum said I should

have a practice on the Sunday just to make sure I had everything. Jenny was

due over at three I was already dressed in my new dress, mum said it would

look better with tights so I was wearing those too, I have to say I don‟t know

how girls bear the things my legs were all prickly and very uncomfortable. The

tights were the sort Jenny wears to school so instead of the sandals which are

white I was wearing my new school shoes, they were quite good looking I

decided.

When Jenny arrived mum let her in I was hiding in my room.

“Ross… Oh Ross, I mean Rose, wow you look great, I‟m quite jealous. Where

did you get it all from?”

“Well the dress is from Miss Selfridges, the tights from BHS, the underwear

is from there too and the shoes are my school ones.”

“What why are you wearing those to school?”

“Well the assistant said everyone wears them. Why?”

“Oh my god,” Jenny said laughing wildly, “She must have thought you were

a girl, all the girls wear shoes like that, well a lot do. The boys don‟t.”



- 21 -

“Oh dear, well I got some normal shoes as well.”

“Let me… oh Rose these are for girls too, what else did you get?” I showed

her the trainers, and the shirts and trousers from BHS. “Well the trainers are

girls, these blouses are too, you can see they button down like that men‟s

shirts button the other way. The trousers are boys though.”

“Well everything else will be for boys as the assistant had the school list with

her.” I showed her the gym kit.

“Is that all of it?”

“Oh um there‟s another bag it wouldn‟t all go in my drawers,” I emptied it

out onto the bed, then picked up one of the boxes that had fallen out I hadn‟t

remembered buying those, “what on earth… Oh no, this is all girls stuff too

isn‟t it?”

“Sorry Rose but yes she must have thought you were a girl and picked it off

the girls list.”

“I‟d better tell mum she‟ll be pissed.”

“Well you can tell me now what will I be annoyed about?” Mum was standing

in my doorway, she was holding what looked like a slim shoe box.

“Nearly all the stuff we bought last Monday is for girls mum.”

“Don‟t be silly love how can it.”

“It is Ms. Walker, I checked only the trousers are boys, everything else is for

girls.”

“Oh dear how did this happen?”

“Well the assistants must have thought I was a girl, I mean you didn‟t ask

for stuff for your son, you picked up the trousers and I asked the assistant for

school shirts, she gave them to me. The sports kit she just got every thing on

the list.”

“Well it‟ll all have to go back, but when I don‟t know, you're busy next week.

I‟m at that conference the week after then its school the following week.”

“Well one pair of shoes is all right, they look fairly normal, the trousers are

okay and the blouses, well who will notice, you‟ll just have to skip games until

you get some kit sorted out.” Jenny said sensibly.

“Well I don‟t suppose anyone will notice. Now I have a present for you Ross,

I bought these to make it a little easier for your charade tomorrow to work.”

Mum passed me the box she had been holding. I opened it and stared at…

“What are they,” Jenny leaned over and gasped she picked one up and

handling it carefully wobbled it, “mum?”

“They are breast forms you can either put them inside your bra or like these

you can stick them to your chest.”

- 22 -

“Oh, um thanks.”

“I will help you stick them on properly after your shower tonight okay?”

“Yes mum.”

“Right I‟ll go and ring up about your various items and see when we can

take them back.”





As it turned out I had 28 days for the things from JJB, the rest though I was

stuck with, unless I could find something else to wear to school in the mean

time. That night after my shower mum helped me stick the two breast forms

on, they felt really weird, to start with they were cold and almost clammy then

as they warmed up the felt more comfortable, mum told me I would be best

off wearing the dress tomorrow with the tights and the low heeled black shoes,

I complained about the awful feeling she laughed and said I would need to

shave my legs, in the end I used some of her Nair, Nair is a hair remover, you

put it on and after a while you wash it off, it takes all your hair with it, it smells

foul and made my skin very pink but after I had dried off again I tried the

tights and they made a shiver run up my spine.









- 23 -

Chapter 5 – She’s a model and she looking fine…

Monday morning dawned bright and clear, this morning I was due at the

doctors for my monthly check up and blood test. I was still trying to get used

to my new assets, though the biggest problem so far was how people looked at

them, luckily we knew the receptionist at the doctors so I didn‟t have say my

name, I went through to the doctor on my own as normal. My doctor is called

Sheila Foster, and yes I know doctor Foster I suspect she has heard it before.

“Morning Ross how are you today?”

“Fine thank you Sheila.” I hate calling adults by their first name.

“What have you been up to recently,” she took my blood pressure, then

reaching for her stethoscope, “Okay lift up your top Ross lets listen to your

chest.” Oh shit, I carefully lifted up my t-shirt keeping the bottom well below

where she would be able to see the bra and breast forms, mum had insisted on

the bra. Sheila carefully put her cold stethoscope onto my chest and listened,

“Deep breaths please Ross.” She moved it to the other side and I breathed

deeply again, then she reached up beneath my t-shirt, “What on earth?” She

looked up at me and saw my deep blush, “Are you wearing a bra?”

“Yes Sheila.” I whispered.

“Oh dear are you all right, I didn‟t know sorry. Does your mum know?”

“Yes she made me wear it.”

“Do you want to tell me about it Ross?”

“Well people keep mistaking me for a girl, then someone wants me and my

best friend Jenny to do some modelling for them, but they think I‟m a girl so I

have to do it as Rose, so mum bought me some extra clothes and stuff to

wear.”

“Hmmm, it all sounds very complicated. How do you feel about it?”

“Um well, I don‟t like it much, I worry people will spot that I‟m a boy you

know. But what can I do, I mean if I don‟t do it Jenny won‟t be able to do it

either, she‟s my best friend so I don‟t want to disappoint her…”

“Well I see you‟ve given this a lot of thought, I could refer you on to a

colleague who could talk to you at more length?”

“No… thanks but after Thursday I‟m not doing this again so I think I‟ll be

fine.”

“Well we can hope so, lets finish your tests then.” With difficulty Sheila

managed to take the rest of the readings she needed to, then after she had

extracted the normal amount of blood I said goodbye and went to find mum.

Mum was talking to one of the nurses in the reception, but broke of as I came

back through.

- 24 -

“All done love?”

“Yeah.” I sighed, I have a blood test every two months and the check up

every month, it is one of my least favourite activities. We drove home, by the

time we got there it was nearly twelve o‟clock, we were getting a taxi from

Jenny‟s house to Skipton station at one so I loaded the car with my stuff and

then had a quick snack with mum, for some reason I just wasn‟t hungry.

When we got to Jenny‟s house I sat in the car for a moment trying to stop

my stomach from churning. “You‟ll be all right love.”

“I hope so, I mean, I was last week but that was different somehow, it was

just a day and then I would be free now its…”

“Ross I know this is hard for you, it was your decision and I think you made

the right one. I know its going to be difficult but I will say this, unless you do

something stupid no one will know. Its not like you look really masculine the

other day when we went shopping as mother and son nearly everyone

assumed you were a girl, and you weren‟t even trying. So now like this I think

you‟ll find it very easy.

“Now get out of the car put on a brave smile, can this be any worse than

anything you‟ve suffered in hospital?”

“No… Thank you. I love you mum…” I got out of the car mum walked round

it and gave me a big hug, I felt better, a bit.

“I love you too, now help me get your stuff out of the car.” After unloading

mum came into the house to talk to Cynthia, after putting my stuff by the door

I went upstairs to find Jenny.

“Hello sissy, how you doing you big poof.” Dave was on the landing, I

blushed and tried to get past him. “Come on you big poof…”

“David Mathews get into your room at once, you are in enough trouble with

out making it worse.” Cynthia was at the bottom of the stairs, I gave her a

smile of relief.

“Poof…” But he was retreating into his room, I caught a brief glance as he

shut the door and shuddered at the mess.

“Rose, come on you can help me pack…”

“I hate him, why does he have to be so mean?”

“Oh ignore him he‟s just a stupid bully,” Jenny‟s room was a tip too, most of

it was clothing that had obviously just been rummaged through and dumped

again. “Is all your stuff ready?”

“Yeah I packed last night, I had to go to the doctor this morning.”

“Like that?”





- 25 -

“No I changed at lunchtime but the breast forms, I put those on last night,

mum said I had to wear a bra too,” Jenny‟s eyebrows went up in surprise, “oh

its worse than that the doctor found out when she listened to my chest.”

“Really what did she say?”

“She was really nice about it, I think at first she thought mum was doing it

to me but I explained that it was only for a few days.”

“It‟ll be fun, just think two hundred pounds to spend. What‟ll you spend

yours on?”

“Well it‟s only a hundred each, but I don‟t know.”

“It‟s not mum says it‟s two hundred each.”

“Really, mum though it was two hundred between us, um well I might get a

new hi-fi for my room but I don‟t know, how about you?”

“Clothes, makeup, Champagne, Caviar or maybe not, mum says I have to

save some of it…”

“JENNY ARE YOU READY YET?”

“NEARLY MUM… Pass me that bag, no that one.” I passed her the bag in

question, she stuffed it into her overflowing rucksack, “how much are you

taking?”

“Well I‟ve got enough for four days plus some spares, my big rucksack full.”

I didn‟t like to tell her mine was folded neatly, nor did I want to mention the

jewels and make up that mum had put in for me. Finally it looked like Jenny

had finished, she quickly picked up the remaining clothing and dumped it on

the bed.

“TAXI‟S HERE. COME ON GIRLS” We made our way down stairs I picked up

my bag and hugged mum, she kissed me on the cheek and walked out to the

taxi with me.

“You will be good for Cynthia won‟t you?”

“Yes mum.”

“Ring me tonight, I‟ll be out with Janice till ten but anytime after that okay.”

“Yes mum.” She kissed me again, it was strange I have been in and out of

hospital for various amounts of time but I never felt like this before. “I love

you mum.” I dropped my bag and put my arms around her giving her a big

hug.

“I love you too, now get in the taxi and have fun, I‟ll see you on Thursday

night.”

* * *





- 26 -

After that I did get into the taxi, Jenny sat, well she didn‟t really, Jenny

when excited seldom sits, but what ever she was doing it was next to me, her

mum climbed into the front. Then we were off I waved to mum until the taxi

went round the corner at the bottom of the road, then I sat deep in thought.

When we got to the station we had to run for the train, luckily we got to it in

time, on the train the same thing happened as last time, Jenny spent a long

time re-braiding my hair, mum had done it for me but Jenny seemed to take

great pleasure in doing it again, then the makeup went on, Jenny was really

good at this I realized as I looked into the mirror she held for me.

When we arrived in Leeds we were met at the station by the girl who had

been Maid Marion, her name is actually Vicky Adams. She took us along to the

Queens Hotel, which is part of the station building.2 The hotel is really nice we

went to the reception desk and got our keys, then Vicky led us up stairs, well

up the lift anyway, our rooms were on the fourth floor 408 and 410, as we

went Vicky was chattering to Jenny‟s mum about what we would be doing, we

were going to be going out for a meal tonight with Mary White, then tomorrow

she, Vicky, would pick us up at 9am and take us to the museum.

“Here you go girls this is your room,” she unlocked the door to room 410

and ushered us in, I was a bit surprised I assumed that Jenny and her mum

would share one room and I would have the other, before I could say anything

the door was closed and I was alone with Jenny.

“Oh god I can‟t believe we‟re here, Rose, this is so cool.” The room wasn‟t

huge, but big enough for two double beds with the heads against the wall,

there was a bedside cabinet on either side and one in the middle, there was a

large wardrobe and a chest of drawers each. Along the wall nearest the door

was a counter with a kettle and mugs and things on. The door at the far side

led into an en-suit shower room.

“Yeah this is way cool.” There was a knock on the door and when I opened it

Jenny‟s mum came in.

“Right girls this isn‟t ideal, I wasn‟t expecting you to have to share a room,

but I will let you. Two rules though, Ross you must get changed in the

bathroom and I don‟t want you in the same bed okay?”

“Yes mum.”

“Ross?”

“Uh yeah, yes Mrs. Mathews” I said with some confusion, I looked at Jenny

she was crimson, she avoided my eyes and went to unpack.



2

I have never been in the Queens Hotel, so the description of it’s inside will be grossly inaccurate, ah

well.





- 27 -

“Right Vicky is taking you two to the hair salon, she says that they‟re going

to do your hair ready for tomorrow, I‟ll come up there with you but then I‟m

going to do a little shopping okay?”

A moment later another knock on the door heralded the arrival of Vicky, she

led us back downstairs. “We‟ve got half an hour till your appointment do you

want to walk or get a taxi?”

“Walk.” I voted.

“Taxi.” Said Jenny.

“Walk.” Said Mrs. Mathews. So we did it wasn‟t far just up the hill, the salon

was in the sports complex in The Light, I had been in here when I came to see

a film with Mum once, not long after it opened, it‟s a huge building but quite

pleasant. We got there with a few minutes to spare, we sat in the leather arm

chairs waiting. Jenny‟s mum conferred with the receptionist.

“Right Vicky is staying with you here, you must do as she says, they reckon

you‟ll be about two hours, so I will come back then, now be good.”

“Yes mum.” Jenny said in a resigned sort of way, I just nodded.









- 28 -

Chapter 6 – …Just wait till the guys get a load of

me…

Okay so here I am sitting in the stylists chair in an expensive hair salon, I

have to say I have never been in a hair salon before, I do tend to keep my hair

long but never needed the benefit of a stylist, my stylists name is Marko 3, I‟m

sure he‟s gay, he keeps flapping his hands around. Jenny‟s stylist is the

principal stylist of the salon, I think that means he‟s the boss, he‟s less camp

than my stylist but I think all male hairdressers are gay.

Jenny is facing me but as there is a pillar between us I can‟t see her, I can

hear her talking though, Marko seems impressed with my hair, he‟s already

washed it, now he‟s combing it out, I hadn‟t realized how nice having someone

wash your hair is. For tomorrow my hair is going to be down in a page boy

style, I‟m not sure what that is but Marko has promised that he won‟t cut too

much off.

I can‟t believe it there is a girl here who is giving me a manicure, she has

shaped my nails and is coating them in a soft pink.

Now she‟s doing my toenails, this is so weird, it feels sort of nice though. My

hair is done, I have bangs, that‟s what Marko said they're called its my fringe

really I look very girly, my fingers look really nice, I could get used… NO. I

don‟t want to get used to this I‟m a boy, this is just a one off. I do like how I

look though, I realize Marko has asked me a question.

“Pardon?”

“I said Rose, do you want your ears piercing?”

“Oh no, um they're fine as it is.” Vicky however heard the question.

“Oh dear I hadn‟t realized they weren‟t pierced, she will need them pierced,

are Jenny‟s?”

“Yes.” Jenny‟s voice proceeded her round the pillar, she looks so pretty, I

think my heart will burst.

“Right then Rose you will need them piercing, Marko can we have it done

now?” Marko went off and came back with the girl that had painted my nails, I

looked in panic at Jenny, she sidled over to me.

“It doesn‟t hurt much Rose.” She whispered.

“But won‟t everyone be able to see? I mean when I‟m Ross again.” I

whispered back.



3

Okay if you’ve seen Big Brother 2004 you’ll know who I based this stylist on, I thought Marko was

excellent, as camp as a jamboree of cub scouts but a great guy….





- 29 -

“Nah just take them out and your ears will heal up fine no one will ever

know.”

So it happened, it didn‟t hurt much, soon I was walking back into the

reception area with Jenny and Vicky. Jenny‟s mum was reading a magazine

and looked up at us, she looked quite shocked.

“Wow don‟t you two look nice.”

“Thanks mum. That was fun.”

“Well don‟t expect that often,” she said her eyes on the cash register as

Vicky paid, “I‟ll have to lock you two up, the boys in Leeds won‟t know what hit

them.” I blushed and even Jenny went a bit pink at that.

“Right girls what do you want to do now?” Vicky asked us as she led us out

of the building.

“Aren‟t we going out for a meal tonight?” I asked.

“Yes but that‟s not till after seven, the table I think is booked for quarter to

eight. Its only half four now so what do want to do?” I was all for going back to

the hotel and sitting down I was shaking with nerves.

“Shopping.” Jenny said looking at her mum. Her mum looked at me, so did

Jenny.

“Okay.” I said with resignation.

* * *

It was fun shopping with Vicky she was quite happy to tell Jenny what her

opinion of everything was, I suppose that I should have been glad that it was

Monday and not late night closing, we only shopped for about an hour and a

half, I got away lightly, only buying a sun dress that Jenny swore suited me,

she didn‟t even make me try it on. Jenny also bought a dress, like mine but in

green, and it did suit her, mine was blue.

When we got back to the hotel Vicky said she had some errands to run, and

would see us tomorrow, we should be in the lobby for half seven, where we

would meet Mary White. I had brought a book with me so after finishing

unpacking I sat down on my bed to read it, Jenny also finished her unpacking

and then decided to get changed, I was content do go in what I was wearing,

rather to my surprise Jenny stripped in front of me. I suppose its surprising in

a way but having know Jenny for so long I have never seen her undressed

before, so now I was quite shocked.

“Come on Rose get changed, we‟ll be going in an hour and a bit.”

“I‟m alright I‟ll be fine in this.” I turned the page, only to have the book

snatched out of my hand by Jenny. “Hey, I‟m reading that.”





- 30 -

“You can read it tonight, now get changed…” I sat frozen in place, apart

from her panties Jenny was naked.

“Um Jenny didn‟t your mum say we had to get changed separately?”

“She‟s not here and besides why should we, you like me, I like you what

could possible be wrong with that?”

“Um well I don‟t know, it‟s just well I‟m a boy I think your mum thinks we

might do stuff together, you know, um stuff.”

“Oh you mean sex, well Rose I like you a lot so what would be wrong with

that?”

“I can‟t…” I rushed into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

“Rose… Come on what‟s the matter, please Ross I didn‟t mean to scare you.

I just… Ross come on I‟ve put some clothes on, come on please…” I could hear

her crying now, but I just felt so wretched.

I have a fast internet connection at home, so I know about sex and stuff I

also know that I‟m not normal, I have no testes, balls, whatever. I know I

should, I know I should tell Sheila, but until now I never really thought about

it, I read a lot about puberty, so I suppose it could just be that they‟re still

inside me haven‟t descended yet but still I‟m frightened about what it‟ll mean.

The tears were still streaming down my face, but I decided that I would have

to face Jenny.

I opened the door and stepped back into the room, to be enfolded in a

massive hug, “Oh Ross I‟m sorry I didn‟t mean to scare you.” Jenny was

sobbing too. We clung together for what seemed like ages. Finally she let go of

me.

“Better?”

“Yeah sorry,” I sniffed then got a hanky and blew my nose, “I didn‟t mean to

go off like that its just I‟m…”

“Look you don‟t have to tell me, I‟ll always love you you‟re my best friend so

I won‟t let this come between us okay?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“Okay now we really need to get going, you‟ll have to fix your makeup too.”

She passed me the bag containing my new dress and I went back into the

bathroom and changed into it, I looked into the mirror and almost laughed I

looked like a Panda. My mascara had run so that when I rubbed the tears out

of my eyes I had smudged it all over the place.

I used some of the makeup wipes mum had packed for me to get it all off,

then went back into the room, Jenny was just finishing dressing, “Um Jenny

can you give me a hand with the makeup, um mum showed me on Sunday

night but I‟m not too good with it?”

- 31 -

“Yeah hang on,” she came into the bathroom and proceeded to doll me up,

“aren‟t you using a little too much?”

“Nope,” she said still concentrating on getting my eyeliner right, “if you go

out at night you need to use more to show up under inside lighting. There.” I

turned to look at myself in the mirror, and liked what I saw.

“I dunno how you do it Jenny but you always make me look pretty…”

“Hang on I‟m not done yet,” she finished topping up her makeup and pushed

past me, she went to her bag and pulled out a small jewellery box, carefully

lifting out the top tray she found a pair of hoop earrings, I stood still as she

carefully inserted them in my still sore newly pierced ears. “There now have a

look.”

“Oh wow, that looks really nice.” Of course I would look better without any

of it but in a girly sort of way I did look nice. I realized that I was starting to

enjoy myself. I was all for wearing the black shoes with the heel, but Jenny

insisted that I wear the white sandals, the sandals actually have a slightly

higher heel, to me it felt like I was on tip toes. I walked round the room trying

to get used to them. The knock on the door startled me so much I nearly fell

over.

“Come on girls we have to go.”

“Coming mum.” Jenny passed me the denim jacket I was borrowing from

her, and a small handbag, that mum had loaned me, I had bought a purse I

could deal with last Monday. I locked the door behind us and gave the key to

Jenny‟s mum. As we walked to the lift Jenny‟s mum said “I‟ve been thinking

Rose how would you like me to adopt you?”

“Uh what?”

“Mum?”

“Only temporarily, I know you won‟t call me Cynthia, but how would Aunt

Cynthia do instead, Mrs Mathews sounds so formal somehow?”

“Uh well, I suppose so, if that‟s alright with you.”

“Of course, now have you been crying?”

“Um, ah, no the mascara I had on before was making my eyes itch.” I lied,

feeling guilty.

“Okay, have you put different mascara on now?”

“Yes Aunt Cynthia.”

“Good girl.” Jenny was giggling at me so I joined in it was funny to call

Jenny‟s mum Aunt Cynthia.







- 32 -

Chapter 7 – I’ve got something to tell ya, I’ve got

something to say…

When we got to the reception Mary White and an older man were waiting for

us, she introduced the man as Helmut Bölden, he was the director of the

museum and Mary‟s partner. Mary insisted we call her Mary, we should call

Helmut, Helmut too. I really hate calling adults by their first names. We would

be meeting two more people at the restaurant. We got there by Taxi, the

restaurant was called Dal Mario‟s, it was near Leeds town hall and as you‟ve

probably guessed Italian. I am a big fan of pizza, though I have to be careful,

particularly of meat.

The two people we were meeting were already seated, there was another

man, he was from the model agency, the other person was a girl, his daughter.

She was a bit older than us, slim and very pretty. We were soon chatting, to

Heather her mum had died the year before, from cancer. Now she spent as

much time as she could with her dad. She did modelling too, but what she

really wanted to be was a photographer, she was 15 so was already doing her

GCSEs she was even doing one in photography. The meal was great, although

I didn‟t eat as much as Jenny I was extremely full by the time we finished. As

always though the adults carried on talking for ages so we didn‟t get back to

the hotel until nearly half ten. Aunt Cynthia said we should go straight to bed,

but after putting on my pyjamas I rang mum.

“Hello Walker IT”

“Mum it‟s me.”

“Hello Me, how are you?”

“Great, we‟ve just been out for a meal at this great Italian restaurant.”

“Are you managing alright as Rose?”

“Well most of its okay, I got another new dress which I wore tonight, I had

to have my hair done at a salon this afternoon, that was scary. I had my ears

pierced too.”

“Really why?”

“Well Vicky, that‟s the girl who was looking after us this afternoon said I

would need them piercing for the shoot.”

“Okay I suppose, so you're having fun?”

“Yeah I think I am. I‟m sharing a room with Jenny which will be fun.”

“Well be good, don‟t give me any reason to be ashamed of you.”

“No mum, I love you.”

“I love you too, ring me tomorrow… Janice sends her love. Night-night.”



- 33 -

“Night-night.” I switched off my phone and climbed into bed, Jenny was

already in hers, I lay on my side facing her, she rolled over to face me.

“Did you mean it when you said you were having fun?”

“Yes, I mean some of its really scary, but most of its fun.”

“Well I‟ve always said girls have more fun.” Jenny giggled.

* * *

“Rose,” she said some time later, “I don‟t want to upset you but why were

you so upset this afternoon?”

“I…”

“You don‟t have to tell me, but I might be able to help.”

“I… I‟m not… I don‟t have…” I was totally unable to say it…

“You don‟t have what?”

“Jenny do you menstruate, I mean…”

“I know what it means yes I do, since I was 11 why?”

“Well if I was a real girl I wouldn‟t.”

“What do you mean of course you would.”

“Menstruation only starts when you hit puberty, right?”

“Well not really it can start first but yeah… You mean you haven‟t started

puberty yet?”

“Yes and…”

“And what?”

“I don‟t have any equipment.”

“Equipment… You‟ve lost me Rose.”

“I have a willy, but I don‟t have any testes…” I had started crying again, I

rolled onto my back, “I‟m not a real boy…” I heard Jenny get out of bed, she

sat down on the edge of mine, then she lay down next to me and put her arms

around me.

“Hush love, you're still you…” She held me until my sobbing subsided, “still it

could be worse…”

“How?” I felt shocked, how can she say that?

“Well you could have lots of spots, smelly feet and sweaty armpits like Dave

did when he hit puberty.”

“Oh, sometimes I wish I did, I just want to be normal, I mean I spent so

much time in hospital as a kid, I never had chance to be like the other kids.

Now it feels like its too late.” I felt tears returning.



- 34 -

“Well you do have one option.”

“What?”

“Well you make a good girl, you could always be Rose full time, you're

pretty and your quite good at being a girl, so I reckon you‟d pass.”

“No… Sorry I know what you're saying but I don‟t want to be a girl, I love

you but I want to be big and strong, you know.”

“Yeah I know, you had better tell your doctor then.”

“What that I want to be big…”

“No silly about your lack of equipment, she‟ll be able to find out if there‟s

anything wrong with you or if you're just a late bloomer.”

* * *

“Thanks.” I said after the silence had grown heavy in my ears.

“What for?”

“For listening to me, for being a friend. Um Jenny, can I ask you a

question?”

“Yes.”

“Why did you come onto me this afternoon, I mean I know you weren‟t

trying to hurt me but, why not when I‟m being Ross?” I felt her stiffen and

start to draw away from me. “Jenny, please I love you, you don‟t have to

answer.” I felt her relax but no answer was forthcoming, I was feeling cosy,

but Jenny was shivering I pulled the duvet over her too and started to doze

off.

“I want to know what its like,” Jenny said in a hushed voice, “you know with

someone I‟m safe with not…”

“What, what‟s like… Sex?”

“Yeah, all the girls at school boast about how they are always doing it with

their boyfriends, I feel left out, you're the only boy I know or the only boy I

feel safe with…”

“Jenny who else?” I could tell it was more than the girls at school, we had

talked about love, physical love before.

“I don‟t know what you mean…” I could also tell when she lied to me too.

“Jenny am I your best friend?”

“Yes”

“Have I ever done anything to hurt you?”

“Well you pushed me into the canal.”

“That was an accident, well?”

- 35 -

“No.”

“So why don‟t you tell me what the problem is?”

“I don‟t know how…” I sat up and looked at her.

“Should your mum know?”

“NO… You‟ve got to promise you won‟t tell her… Please.”

“No… I won‟t, if you're in trouble or in danger I will tell her, but only then

okay?”

“I don‟t know… Okay… You remember in February, mum and dad went to

stay in France together?”

“Yes.”

“Well Dave stayed behind with my uncle Kevin, Uncle Kevin looked after us.”

Jenny‟s uncle Kevin gave me the creeps.

“He didn‟t, your uncle didn‟t touch you did he?”

“No, he had to go home for something on Saturday night, he was only gone

for a couple of hours…”

“Go on,” I could feel the suppressed sobs.

“They said I was a slut, that I wanted it, oh Ross how could they do it, they

said it was my fault that I was teasing them.”

“Who? Jenny, you have to tell me.”

“My brother, Dave and his friend James, they made me touch them, and kiss

them, they touched me… They said it was my fault, they said I was a slut and

a tease…” The sobs got the better of her I just held her tight, I felt sick, but

also so angry.

“Jenny we have to tell your mum.”

“They said she wouldn‟t believe me, that its my fault. They said its all I was

good for…” Jenny was howling now I pressed her to my side, murmuring in her

ear that I loved her and would look after her always, eventually she quietened

only gentle sobs escaping her control. I heard an insistent knocking on the

door.

“Girls are you alright, open up let me in.” I disentangled myself from Jenny‟s

frantic embrace, I opened the door to let Jenny‟s mum in. “What on earth is

going on girls I can hear you next door,” she looked at me noting my own tear

stained face, “Ross are you alright?” I nodded and closed the door behind her

“Jenny, oh Jenny what ever is the matter,” Jenny threw herself at her mum

sobbing wildly again.

“Ross can you tell me what the matter is?”

“Please, you promised…”



- 36 -

“Jenny I have to… You know when you went to France in February,” she

nodded still holding her daughter, “her uncle left her on her own with Dave and

James on the Saturday night, Dave raped her, I think, she wouldn‟t tell me,

just that they had touched her and made her touch them.” Jenny‟s mum went

white then green, she pulled her daughter away from her enough to look in her

face.”

“Oh Jenny why didn‟t you say…”

* * *

The whole story came out, Dave and James hadn‟t actually had sex with her,

but it was fairly nasty, by the time Jenny was back in bed I felt ill and was

crying myself. After Jenny‟s mum left Jenny quickly climbed back into my bed

and curled up next to me…

* * *

When I woke in the morning for a moment I couldn‟t remember where I

was, the feeling of someone in bed with me was different, Jenny snored too,

but it was a soft comforting sound, as my alarm hadn‟t gone off I knew it was

too early to get up, I lay there trying to piece my emotions back together. I

still felt washed out from crying. I couldn‟t believe that Dave could have done

that to Jenny, I knew he was a bully but, how could anyone do that, oh I knew

that girls are raped, I read the papers too, but Dave to his own sister…

Jenny re-awoke me sometime later. She hugged me to her.

“Thank you Ross.”

“I love you Jenny, I had to for your own sake.”

“I love you too, I was scared in case mum didn‟t believe me, you know. I

thought maybe she would say that I was a slut, and that it was my fault.”

“If she had she wouldn‟t have been a good mother, you could have come

and lived with me and mum instead.” Our door opened at this point and Mrs.

Mathews came in, she was followed by a maid with a trolley.

“Morning girls, how are you feeling this morning?” She said as the maid left.

“I feel okay mum, just tired,”

“Me too.”

“Right what do you want to do, after last night I think it would be best if we

went home, I rang your father. He‟s furious, he spoke to Kevin, who said you

were in a bit of a state when he got back, apparently David told him that you‟d

been dumped by your boyfriend so he wasn‟t too worried.

“I‟m not sure what to do though, do you want to go home?” Jenny looked

uncertain.



- 37 -

“Jenny if you do Dave will have won… Um I mean he will have ruined even

more for you. Lets do this and enjoy our selves.”

“Thank you Rose, you're right. We‟ll stay mum, besides I spent some of our

wages yesterday.” Her smile wasn‟t as bright as normal but she was trying.









- 38 -

Chapter 8 – Shot Through The Heart, You're To

Blame…

By the time we arrived at the museum Jenny was a lot happier, she had

spoken to her dad when he rang and had a long talk with her mum. While I

was getting dressed, it seems funny in a way, her brother had abused her,

leaving her as an emotional wreck, now she was the normal happy Jenny I

knew and loved. I suppose for Jenny she had been living with these feelings

since February so she could get on with life now. I felt guilty too, I knew there

had been something wrong, but although I had asked in the past I hadn‟t

pressed the issue, thinking that it couldn‟t be that bad.

When we got to the museum we were greeted by Heather who led us up to

the top floor to get ready. We met the makeup lady and her daughter, her

daughter was a Jenny too, but she was Jen, she was a little fat roly-poly girl

about 25, her mum was in her fifties, they were both a lot of fun, I like them a

lot. Being a model is hard work I soon found out, the museum had closed off a

section, of one of the exhibits. We went with our co-stars and sat on chairs out

of the way. Our co-stars were Heather, John and Mike; Heather we knew, John

and Mike are brothers, Mike is 15, John twelve. The adults were Samantha and

Roderick. Samantha is really snooty, she smokes like a chimney and swears a

lot, Roderick is like a big kid always asking questions about the displays, they

are proper models, us kids have all been picked by the museum.

The day was also very boring, The photographer has three expensive

cameras, and a little digital one. Heather explained that it was so he could take

the same shot in different formats, she thinks that the digital one is so he can

catalogue the shots. Each time we posed it was, turn this way, turn that, put

your hand here, put it there. By lunch time I was exhausted.

After lunch we moved onto a different section of the museum, this time the

photos were for an upcoming exhibition, so we were posing around things that

none of the public had seen yet, it was quite fun, the curator of this section

was with us so Roderick had someone to ask questions. By half four I was

completely exhausted, I hadn‟t eaten enough lunch, and was now ready to

stop, we went back into makeup to have the last vestiges of the thick makeup

we had been painted with removed. Then Jen and her mum refreshed our own

makeup, so we left much as we had arrived. Well my eyeliner was straight

now.

As we were leaving Heather asked us if we wanted to go back to her house

for tea. I think Aunt Cynthia would have like us to go back to the hotel, she

had been on the phone a lot this afternoon and I think was quite upset. But

after both of us did puppy dog eyes at her she relented. Heather told her that

her dad would give us a lift back to the hotel after we had eaten.

- 39 -

* * *

Heather‟s house is in a place called Headingley; Headingley is not far from

the university and is one of the main student areas of Leeds, Heather lives with

her dad, two brothers and a sister in a massive house near the church. Her

brothers are Charles, Charlie. Guy, her sister is called Bethany or Beth for

short, all her siblings are older, Beth is in the upper sixth. Her brothers have

both left school, Guy is a newspaper reporter and Charlie works with their dad

at the agency. They all seem very happy, Beth and Heather share a room

because most of the house is let out to students, mature quiet ones.

Tea was excellent, carry out pizza. I was so tired I almost fell asleep at the

table, the rest of the evening we spent in Heather‟s room.

“So what do you want to do when you leave school?” Beth asked me as she

painted my toe nails cerise, my fingers had already gone that shade.

“I don‟t know, I‟ll probably work for mum, IT consultancy.”

“Really, I would have thought you would want to be a model.”

“Me really, I don‟t think I‟m good looking enough.”

“Yeah and she doesn‟t smoke.” Jenny giggled.

“Well I reckon she‟d be a good model, that‟s why they picked her, Mary is an

ex scout, you know.”

“Scout?”

“You know she used to look for girls who would make good models. That‟s

how dad knows her, they used to work for the same agency. So if she picked

you, you must have what it takes.”

“Wow.” I said feeling shocked.

“How about you Jenny?”

“I dunno, I used to want to be a doctor, but I quite like the thought of being

a policeman.”

“What you gonna have a sex change?”

“Oops a policewoman…”

“I dunno it seems like to much hard work, me I‟m going to meet a rich old

man and never have to work again.”

“Dream on sis, the only man you‟ve met is Gavin and he is so poor it hurts.”

“He‟s not poor, he, he‟s just careful with his money.” Heather snorted as her

sister burst out laughing.

“So what about you two any lurve interests?” Heather asked us.

“No…” I said blushing crimson.



- 40 -

“Me neither.” Jenny added.

“What two pretty girls like you I would have thought the guys would be

beating your doors down.”

“Someone mention my name.” Guy stuck his head round the door. Beth just

threw her pillow at him, he ducked back, “hey I just came to tell you that

these two need to go dad‟s getting the car now.”

* * *

We said our goodbyes, Beth said that she would hopefully see us on

Thursday, we hadn‟t known about the celebration meal at the end of the shoot.

Heather we would see tomorrow. When we got back to the hotel. Jenny‟s mum

was waiting for us in our room, she was reading my book and put it down with

a sigh. “Jenny come into my room we need to have a chat.” Jenny followed her

mum out and I got ready for bed, I showered and removed my makeup, before

climbing into my bed. I was almost asleep before Jenny came back, she was

crying again, she got changed for bed but instead of getting into hers she

climbed straight in with me, I held her until she stopped crying.

“What‟s happened?”

“Dave says, he didn‟t do anything to me, says that I came on to him and

James, that I do it with all the boys at school…”

“Well no one will believe that will they?”

“I don‟t know, how can I prove I didn‟t?”

“Jenny, you get the school bus home don‟t you?”

“You know I do.”

“Well when exactly do you do it with all these boys, there‟s only Dave,

James, you and me in the village unless you‟ve learnt to drive and are

borrowing your mums car.”

“There‟s James‟ little brother… No I see what you're saying, I just feel so

angry, he‟s trying to make out that its all my fault…”

“Jenny have you ever had a boy friend, I mean a proper one.” I didn‟t think

she had but she might have had one at school.

“No, why?”

“Your mum said that Dave told your uncle Kevin that you were upset as you

had just split up with your boy friend, if you‟ve never had one how could you,

you just need to get Dave to tell your dad who you split up with.”

“Oh, I hadn‟t thought of that. Thank you.” We curled up together and slowly

drifted off to sleep, Jenny started snoring…

* * *



- 41 -

The shoot today was a repeat of yesterday, long, boring and tiring. After the

museum had let us go for the day we went to the cinema we saw Harry Potter

and the Philosophers Stone, it was really good especially the Quiditch, though I

don‟t think the actors are like the characters in the books, Harry and Ron are

too posh, Hermione looks like Jenny, Jenny thinks I‟m being silly.

We had a much better nights sleep, Jenny stayed in her own bed, until about

4am when she crawled back in with me, she had cold feet. When I finished

pulling myself out of the suit of armour I had become trapped in Jenny woke

me and asked me what I wanted for breakfast. After we had eaten it was back

to the Museum for the last couple of hours, we had been told that we would be

finished by one o‟clock.

Today was fun we only had to do some publicity shots for a brochure, today

I was allowed to have my hair in braids again, I was heartily sick of having it in

the page boy style, I have a tendency of brushing it off my face, so every time

I did one of the stylists on the set had to brush it back neatly. We managed to

get everything done by half one, we saw Beth again briefly the celebration

meal was a bit of a disaster as the caterers had had it ready since 12 o‟clock,

finally we were done, I made sure I had got Heather‟s phone number, but I

was ready to go home now. But Jenny wanted to go shopping first, argh!

* * *

Finally I was on my way home I had managed to get away without buying

much, I did buy two new books, and a couple of posters, however I had also

bought more girls clothing, the denim jacket was fairly androgynous, but the

skirt and tops were anything but, Jenny had also extracted a promise from me

that I would be Rose again for her.









- 42 -

Chapter 9 – Things seemed so perfect, you know…

I didn‟t see much of Jenny for the next few days, I was busy with washing

and stuff at home. I was also in charge of getting the house tidy for Janice,

mum was going to be away at a conference in London all of next week, she

went every year, Janice was going to be looking after me as usual. Jenny rang

me on Saturday night so I invited her over for Sunday.

We decided as it was mum‟s last day with me for a week we would have a

picnic, Jenny was invited too. Our usual picnic spot is up on the moors on the

road over into Litton Dale. We parked besides the road in a little lay-by. The

picnic spot is in the valley bottom, I suppose the bit we‟re in is actually the top

end of the watershed, there is a stream but when it goes past the picnic spot it

goes underground, I‟ve been coming up here with mum for years, its one of

my favourite places. After we had eaten mum said she was going to have a

snooze in the car, so Jenny and I went for a play around the stream.

“So how‟re you?”

“Okay I suppose.”

“Are you alright at home?”

“Yeah…” She threw a few stones into the rushing peaty water, “no, I‟m not,

I was interviewed by the police yesterday, it was horrible, I had to tell them it

all over again.” I put my arm round her and held her tight.

“I just want every thing to be normal again, you know.”

“Yeah, um what‟s happened to Dave?”

“He‟s staying in a home, mum kicked him out, the police arranged it, James

is there too, he was abusing his little sister, the police are talking to her too,

how could they, I mean I‟m old enough, but she‟s only eight.” We sat in silence

for a bit.

“Jenny, how…” I stopped this was a difficult question, “how come you were

happy to share a bed with me, last week? I mean if I‟d been through what you

have, the last thing I would want to do is sleep in the same bed as someone of

the same sex who did it to me…” I ran out of steam.

“Well, this‟ll hurt Ross, I don‟t think of you as a boy, not really, I mean

you're…” I felt her shrug, “You're my girlfriend, I mean deep down I know

you're a boy but…” She hugged me hard.

“So what are you doing this week?”

“Well mum is taking me shopping for school stuff, then on Tuesday I‟m

going to my aunts with mum until Thursday. Friday and the weekend I‟m free

then its school. You?”





- 43 -

“Well mum‟s at this conference, so Janice is staying to look after me. She‟s

really nice, I don‟t know what I‟ll be doing though, probably day trips and stuff

like that, oh god I had forgotten about school, I haven‟t even got a proper

uniform…”

“Cheer up no one will even notice, come on that‟s your mum calling.” We

struggled back up the hill through the long grass and startled sheep.

“Good chat kids?”

“Yeah thanks mum, we going home now?”

“Yep, I need to pack, I‟ll drop you off Jenny okay?”

“Yes thanks Mrs. Walker, thanks for a nice picnic.”

“Well I know you're having problems at the moment so if you need a

shoulder or a floor you know where we live.”

“Oh thanks, I‟ll remember, bye Ross, I‟ll ring you tomorrow.” Jenny got out

and waved to us until we went round the corner.

“Is she all right?”

“Well her mum kicked her brother out, they were abusing James little sister

she‟s only eight,” mum gave me a sick look. “I think she‟s having a rough time

at home though, she looks tired. But she said she is going to an aunt‟s this

week so she‟ll feel better I hope.”

“So do I, Jenny is a nice girl, she‟s good for you, I hope you help her

through this Ross, even if she needs Rose, okay?”

“I love Jenny, yes mum, even if she needs me to be a frog or an elephant I‟ll

do what ever it takes to get her through this.”

“Good boy, now when we get in I‟m going to heat up a pizza or something

then pack, are you all right eating on your own?”

“Yeah.”

* * *

Sunday evenings in our house are normally a little slow, I spent most of the

evening on the internet talking to my friends and answering email, of which I

had whole load. Janice arrived at half ten, she lives in Sheffield, I hadn‟t

realized that Trisha was driving her up. I‟m sure I‟ve said but Trisha works for

a bank in London, so it was really nice to see her, I haven‟t seen her in years,

well not properly. Trisha is 22, she did a work experience at school with the

bank, when she left school they offered her a job. She‟s really pretty, she did

some modelling when she was in school, proper paid work not like the stuff I

had done.







- 44 -

When I woke in the morning it was already too late to say goodbye to mum,

luckily I said goodbye last night. I got up and put on my dressing gown then

went to get some breakfast.

“Good morning sleepy head, I thought you were going to lie there all day.” I

grinned and sat down.

“Where‟s Janice?”

“Did your mum not tell you? Mum was only bringing me up, Gran is ill so

mum has to look after her.”

“Mum never talks about your side of the family, I mean I know they exist

but apart from you and Janice I never see them.”

“I know it‟s sad, but Uncle Geoff was very hurt when your mum left…”

“What? Dad walked out on mum.”

“No actually he didn‟t your mum left him.” I was stunned, could Trisha be

telling the truth, I decided to change the subject.

“So what are we going to do this week?”

“I dunno what do you want to do?”

“Urm can we travel?”

“Oh yeah I‟ve got a hire car they delivered it this morning, where do you

want to go?” Well that stumped me, normally Janice took me to a secret

location, she would give me a couple of clues and was supposed to work out

where we were going. Last year we had gone to Whitby, the clues had been a

dog called Jet and a box of Cook‟s Matches. I got that one, Jet was mined in

Whitby and Captain Cook came from there. I know it sounds boring but Janice

knows a lot of interesting stuff so the day was interesting, but fun too,

especially on the way back.

“Dunno, how about you any ideas?”

“Well I‟ve heard about your adventures in Leeds last week so I don‟t

suppose you want to go there? How about York? I haven‟t been there since I

was a kid.”

“Um well I made a new friend in Leeds so we could maybe go and, I dunno

see a film and her. I‟ve got a friend in York who I‟ve never seen so York would

be cool too.”

“Right well how about Leeds today then? York Wednesday. Your mum‟ll be

back on Friday so we should do something here, tidy up maybe.”

“Trisha, what did Janice tell you about last week?”

“That you and a friend had been asked to do some modelling in Leeds, for a

museum. That you enjoyed it and got paid for it, Why?”



- 45 -

“Oh, um,” Bugger now I was in it, “um do you remember Jenny?”

“No… Oh wait a minute, yeah I think so didn‟t she call you Rose or

something?”

“Yeah, well I had to be Rose for the modelling…”

“Hang on you mean…”

“Yes I had to pretend to be a girl.”

“Oh don‟t worry about it I know loads of people who‟ve done that, so what‟s

the problem?”

“Um loads?”

“Well one or two, maybe. So what, everyone knows you‟re a boy right?”

“That is the problem, only Jenny and her mum knew, everyone else thought

I was a girl.”

“Oh and the friend you made in Leeds will expect a girl right?”

“Yeah, what do you reckon I should do?”

“Give her a ring and ask her if she‟s free, if she is Rose can go and see her,

you have the afternoon with her and I‟ll do some shopping.”

“Really?”

“Course, as long as you're happy with it I‟m cool.”





“Hi can I speak to Heather please?”

“Hang on… Who is it?”

“Rose.”

“Oh hi Rose, how are you? She‟s on her way…” Clunk click…

“Hello, hello, Rose, can you hear me,” then to someone else “I thought you

said Rose was on the phone.”

“Look you pressed the mute button stupid…”

“Hello Rose, hey stop laughing „snot funny.”

“…ya Heather, listen what‟re you doing this afternoon?”

“Um nothing much why?”

“My cousin is giving me a lift into Leeds to do some shopping I wondered if

you wanted to meet some where?”

“Yeah that would be cool, your friend going to be there?”

“No she‟s getting her school stuff with her mum. Where shall we meet?”

“You know where The Light is?”

“Yeah.”

- 46 -

“How about outside O‟Neil‟s then?”

“That‟s cool about one o‟clock then?”

“Yeah I can do that, see ya, bye

* * *

“Right she said that would be cool.”

“I guessed, okay what do you need to wear?” We went into my room and I

pulled out the girls stuff I had, “is that all you‟ve got?”

“Well I‟ve got some sports wear as well but that‟s going back. We got that

by mistake.”

“Well you can‟t wear that lot, its not the weather for it and that skirt is dirty,

lets have a look at the sports wear.” I got it out and arrayed it on the bed.

“Okay let me see, this, this, these and that. Do you need anything else?”

“Um are you sure?” She had picked out a sports bra still in it‟s box, a crop

top, a pair of leggings and a t-shirt.

“Yeah you‟ll look cute.”

“Thanks, can you give me a hand with these please, they're breast forms

but I can‟t get them in the right place on my own.”

“Okay,” Trisha liberally sprayed the adhesive onto the back and seated them

on my chest, “there that looks good.”

* * *

The rest of my outfit didn‟t take long, the sports bra was more comfortable

than the lacy one from last week but not much. I completed the outfit with

trainer socks and my new trainers. I looked at my self in the mirror, Trisha was

right I did look cute, argh. I had had a bit of practice with the makeup so I did

a minimal amount to my face, just mascara, blusher and gloss. I thought I did

a good job, and when I asked Trisha she said it was okay. The one thing I was

still hopeless with was my hair, pony tail; no problem, two plaits; okay if a bit

squint multiple braids nope, my arms got tired too quickly.

“Trisha can you do my hair for me please?”

“Yeah sure how do you want it?”

“Multiple braids, please.” She got started and I went of into that pleasure

haze I get when someone else is playing with my hair, when she finished she

had done more than my normal six, it looked really cool, I was going to have

to learn to do it my self I realized.

* * *







- 47 -

I have to say I‟m getting bored of driving to and from Leeds, but unless you

want to mess about with Bradford, which is unpleasant, Leeds is our closest

city, to go somewhere like Meadowhall, It takes about three hours by car, or

two trains or four busses. But like I said going to and from Leeds is boring,

well normally, Trisha got us lost, she went down Wharfedale instead of the Aire

Valley. We ended up in Otley, I‟d been here with Janice one year so I knew

how to get from Otley to home but not into Leeds. In the end we had to stop

for directions, somehow we had got onto the wrong side of the river and were

on our way to Blubberhouses, (It‟s a real name) I rang Heather in case she

was waiting for us and explained what had happened, she said it was okay, if

we went into Leeds on the main road we would be going past her house so we

could give her a lift.

* * *

Leeds was smelly and dirty as usual, Heather was impressed with my outfit

she reckons I look cute too, she was however ready for a marathon shop.

“So what are you looking for Trisha?”

“Oh I don‟t know just scoping the shops in this end of the world you know.”

“So where shall we start?”

“How about the Corn Exchange, there‟s some cool shops in there.” The Corn

Exchange when we got there is a big building near Leeds Market, it is a huge

dome, it used to be where people sold corn. Now its lots of little shops, they're

all niche markets, there a couple of shops that sell stuff for Goths, and a

couple that sell clothing for clubbing in. There‟s a condom shop which is funny,

it sells other stuff too. There is even a shop that sells stuff to smoke Marijuana

in, which is weird as its illegal to have it.

After The Corn Exchange we went into the Victoria Quarter, its three old

arcades that have been done up, and look really nice, I bought some panties

and some bras at a shop called Victoria‟s, Heather took us into a dance wear

shop, she studies Ballet and needs some new slippers. While she was being

fitted Trisha and I looked at a catalogue for leotards, there are some really

nice ones. After the Victoria Quarter we went back up the hill through

Thornton‟s Arcade and into The Headrow Centre. We shopped for ages, by the

time Trisha was ready to set off home I was ready to drop, my feet were killing

me and I had spent the better part of a hundred pounds, thank god for the

modelling money, I only get £50 allowance every two weeks.

* * *

When we got home we hit a snag, I couldn‟t find the solvent to remove the

breast forms, I went into major panic mode. They wouldn‟t come off without it

unless I was going to cut them off, I even tried nail varnish remover. Nothing



- 48 -

worked, in the end I went to bed with them on, bra, panties and nightie as

well. In the morning as I was checking my email, I hit another snag.

“Trisha I need to get these off, I had a reply from Natalie, she‟d love to meet

me in York tomorrow.”

“Well what happened to the solvent, you‟ll just have to find it, hang on have

you asked your mum?”

“Oh, doh, never thought of that…”

* * *

“Hello Ross, why are you ringing me now is everything okay?”

“Yes mum, I‟m fine. Um mum do you know where the solvent for my breasts

is?”

“Yes mainly in the bin, I dropped it when I tidied up the bathroom last week,

Why?”

“Well I wore them yesterday, now they're stuck and I need to get them off.”

“Oh dear, you‟ll need to buy some more, you can get it from a shop in Leeds

and over the internet I suppose Trisha will run you down.”

“We were in Leeds only yesterday.”

“Well you could see if they‟ll send you some the receipt for that bottle is in

my bedside cabinet, bag marked XXX. Ring them if they will, ring me back and

I‟ll pay for it and get them to send it next day delivery okay?”

“Yes mum, thanks.”

* * *

“Hello, I need to get hold of some surgical adhesive remover.”

…

“Okay…” Trisha was ringing them as the store was an adult store, “She‟s just

checking if they have any.”

…

“Yes hello.”

…

“Oh when will you have some. Oh, If we order it can you send it?”

…

“Oh can you tell me where?”

…

“Yes.”

…

- 49 -

“Okay I got that, thanks, bye.” She put the phone down and looked at me.

“Right they're out of stock and won‟t be getting any till the end of the month,

she said we could order it online but their website is 14 day delivery, they do

have it in stock in Manchester and Luton.”

“What am I going to do?”

“Well couldn‟t you email your friend and put it off for another day, I‟m sure

she would understand.”

“You don‟t understand she‟s a pen friend I‟ve never met her before, she‟s

got her big sister all organized to escort her into York to meet us, its all

arranged.”

“Well then you‟ll either have to let her down or, hang on does she know

you're a boy?”

“She must, I mean… um hang on…” I dashed upstairs and did a search in

my outlook pen friend folder, for „boy‟ and „male‟, the only message I had with

boy in it was a reply to a boy in Germany who I had gone off, all he wanted to

talk about was what I was wearing. I went back down stairs, “she won‟t know,

my online name is Briar, Briar Rose.”

“So you're going to go as Rose then?”

“I don‟t really have a choice, the only problem is if I want to see her again in

the future I‟ll have to do it as Rose then too.”

“Okay that‟s decided good. Now what are you going to do today?”

“Anything as long as it‟s not shopping.”

“What do you do for exercise?”

“Exercise um walk, I suppose, why?”

“Well your mum mentioned you would be starting school soon, so you want

to be fit so you can do games and PE. So how do you fancy getting fit, or a bit

fitter anyway, can‟t really do much in two days?”

“Okay, but I don‟t run well, I get wheezy. Asthma.”

“Okay how about swimming?”

“Yeah I like swimming, we could go to the local baths, then have lunch in

town, then…”

“Hire some bikes and go for a ride.”

“Wow cool, oh I can‟t.”

“Why not?”

“I can‟t go swimming in these can I, I think the life guards might be a bit

suspicious.”





- 50 -

“Oh that‟s no problem, shut your eyes.” I hesitated then did, she placed a

slim package in my hands, “okay open them again.” I opened the bag in my

hands in side was a gorgeous swimming costume, “It was in that catalogue

you were looking at in the dance wear shop yesterday4.”

“Oh Trisha it‟s gorgeous, but how did you know I‟d need it?”

“Well I‟m a swimmer, I swim most days at home so I hoped I could

persuade you to go swimming with me, if not I was going to give…” She broke

off as the phone started to ring.

* * *

“Hello?”

…

“Oh hang on she‟s here,” she put her hand over the mouth piece, “it‟s your

friend Jenny she sounds upset.”

* * *

“Jenny?”

“Oh Rose they‟ve arrested mum, what shall I do?”

“Hang on why? Where‟s your dad? We‟ll come and get you…”

“I don‟t know we were just about to go to Auntie Carol‟s when they came,

they spoke to her in the living room, and then they arrested her. Dads not

here I rang his work but they haven‟t seen him today. I don‟t know what to

do…”

“We‟ll come round straight away. Don‟t do anything till we get there okay?”

“Okay please hurry I‟m scared…”

* * *

“She says her mum has been arrested, we need to go round straight away.”

“Okay, we‟ll go, come on you lock up while I get the car going.” We arrived

at Jenny‟s house two minutes later, I saw the front curtains twitch moments

later she was burrowing herself into me, I helped her back into the house she

was sobbing uncontrollably, I took her into the front room and sat down on the

sofa, moments later her mum was there.

“Mum… Oh mum… I thou… …been… …ested.” Her voice muffled by having

her head buried in her mothers arms.

“Hush you silly sausage, why did you think I had been arrested?”



4

Okay I admit it the shop in the Victoria Arcade that sells leotards doesn’t to my best knowledge sell

swimming costumes, but they should.



- 51 -

“The police came and they took you away, I couldn‟t get in contact with dad

I didn‟t know what to do.” Jenny was calming down her sobbing ceasing.

“Oh you silly girl, your dad is at the police station with your brother, I went

with them to the police station to sign some papers, that‟s all, don‟t you think

if they had arrested me I would have made sure someone was looking after

you?”

“I know, but I was so frightened, Rose came round…” she stopped and went

bright red, “I‟ve been silly haven‟t I?”

“No you did just what you should have done you called a responsible adult,

but I think you over reacted a bit, which under the circumstances I think was

probably justified.”

“I‟m sorry mum.”

“I know you are, so am I, the police don‟t think it‟s a good idea to go away

at the moment, we can‟t go to Carol‟s.”

“Oh.”

* * *

“Hi you must be Trisha, Julie told me you would be looking after Ross, um

Rose,” she said taking in my feminine attire. “Thank you for coming over, I

didn‟t think it would cause so much fuss going out, I suppose I should have

told her I was going.” Cynthia looked flustered, then she was hugging Trisha

and bawling her eyes out, I don‟t know why but I just started laughing, I think

it was partly the look on Trisha‟s face, and partly the fact that this grown

woman was leaning on my cousin, like she was a proper adult.

* * *

Eventually she calmed down, after thanking and apologizing to Trisha we

were finally about to go home when I said “Why don‟t you come swimming

with us Jenny, give your mum some time on her own.” Trisha thought it was a

good idea, so did Auntie Cynthia.

* * *

I finally got to try the swimming costume on it fit perfectly, it had a halter

neck and a scoop back, it was really slinky, and I loved the feel. I was finding

it difficult though, I was a boy wasn‟t I but here I was enjoying the feel of a

swimming costume, over the last few days I had enjoyed myself as Rose

several times, maybe I‟m going mad.

* * *

We had a wonderful day in the end, we swam for an hour or so then had

lunch, then Trisha hired mountain bikes for us all and we went up onto the



- 52 -

scars, I won‟t say we rode them, well we did when we got up there but we all

pushed them up there, when we got to the top, it flattens out so we had a rest

then cycled all the way to Mallam. If you haven‟t been there before don‟t go,

the village is full of tourists, but the National Park have a car park outside the

village, if you park there you can see the cove.

The river Aire comes up at the bottom of the cove and runs all the way

across the country, through Leeds and York, well in York it‟s already joined the

Ouse but today I would saw the start yesterday I saw the middle and

tomorrow I would nearly see the end. By the time we got back into town we

were all, well me and Jenny were, exhausted, it‟s a long ride, but I was

determined to save up for a bike, its fun cycling round here, especially if you're

not in a hurry, there are a lot of hills though.

Jenny stayed for tea after ringing her mum, we played scrabble after tea

which I lost, I‟m terrible at spelling, mind you I did get „Nevertheless‟. After

Jenny had gone home I went to bed, I was sleepy, so went to sleep quickly.

Jenny is coming to York with us tomorrow.

* * *

York, Eboracum, Jorvik. Modern, Roman and Viking city, I‟ve never been to

York so this was all new to me, we were meeting Natalie and her sister in front

of the minister. At 11, that only gave us 20 minutes to get from Foss Gate,

luckily there were loads of tourist signs. I have been writing to Natalie since I

was 11, I was in hospital for two months she had her name and address in one

of the magazines, I read at the time, we wrote to each other about once a

month, she had got a computer last year which is when we started emailing

each other, that‟s so much quicker we some times „talked‟ twice a day or more,

in all that time, three and a bit years, we have never talked on the phone, or

met. We had sent each other pictures though, real ones I mean, not like some

people who send pictures of who they‟d like to be.

When I saw two girls standing on the steps outside the minister I was sure it

was them so almost ran up to them, luckily for me Natalie greeted me, she

recognized me from my photo. Dunno who the two girls on the steps were.

The rest of the day was okay, and I do mean okay, we just didn‟t like each

other she was very prissy, she wouldn‟t talk to Jenny, at all, her sister was

stuck up, its funny after all that time writing to each other, in the flesh we

didn‟t like each other. I suppose I might have made more of an effort but

Natalie actually told me that if I lost the dweeb, Jenny, we could have some

fun.

So we did, I think Jenny was surprised when I said goodbye, to Natalie, but

in the end it worked out for the best. We had much more fun just the three of

us, we went to the Castle Museum, they let us in for free. No guessing why,



- 53 -

they had my picture up all over the place, some of Jenny too, but mine was all

over. Then we went to Jorvik Viking Centre, this is another must see place, its

in Copper Gate (I think5) its on the site of an excavation, that the

archaeologists dug when they were putting a car park in, they found loads of

Viking buildings, The actual centre, is like a wax works of what life was like in

Viking times, you travel around in little dodgems and get to hear the noises,

see the sights and even smell the smells.

When we finished there we headed home, it‟s a long drive from York and we

were all tired. When we dropped Jenny off her mum came out and asked if it

was possible for Jenny to stay over with us, her brother was there, for the

night. Trisha said it was fine so Jenny is lying next to me snoring gently now, I

love her snores.

* * *

I was ill for three days after coming back from York, when mum got back

she got Sheila in to see me. Jenny had been round and had told me to ask

when I did see Sheila about puberty. Mum left the room to make a cup of tea.

“Sheila?”

“Yes Ross.”

“When will I start into puberty, I mean, I „m 14, but I‟m still like a little gi…

kid.”

“Is it worrying you?” I nodded. “Well you probably are just a late bloomer

but we can book you into the clinic just to make sure everything is okay. End

of the month is the earliest we can get you in though, will that be alright?” She

said after consulting her diary.

“Yeah that‟s fine, thanks.”

“Anything else worrying you?”

“Yeah school, I‟ve never been before, I mean I‟ve studied, in fact when they

tested me in April they reckoned I was ahead of my peer group, it‟s just I don‟t

know how to behave. I‟m frightened that I‟ll be bullied.”

“Ross you‟ll be fine, just be your self, you‟ll make friends easily, you have

Jenny to look after you, so don‟t worry, just remember if you do get bullied,

tell someone, don‟t hide it away.”

“Yes Sheila.” At this point mum came back in and I excused my self. I went

back to bed.

* * *



5

I last went as a kid with school, so I could be wrong…





- 54 -

On Monday evening mum and I went through everything I had to make sure

I was presentable at school, I knew that my shirts were blouses and my shoes

were made for girls but we were unable to both get into Leeds to get them

changed over, mum said she would get my sports kit sorted out before I

needed them. Then I went to bed early.









- 55 -

Chapter 10 – Hey Teacher Leave those kids alone…

I got up at 7am on Tuesday morning I had a large mastodon thumping

around in my stomach, I felt really ill, but could tell it was mainly nerves, I

didn‟t eat any breakfast as I thought I would be sick if I did. I went to the bus

stop and waited for the bus, Jenny would get on at the stop after mine, when

the bus came I climbed on, the bus is a normal public one so I paid my fare

and went to sit down, there was a fair few kids on the bus, but they all knew

each other and were sitting at the back, I settled myself in the middle of the

bus. At the next stop Jenny got on, she nearly walked past me, when she

realized it was me she hauled me out of my seat and took me right up to the

back, then it happened, the very thing I was dreading…

“Hiya, Megan, this is Rose, she‟s starting…” then she stopped, she had

obviously just realized what she‟d said. “…ah starting today.” She finished in a

much quieter tone, Megan shuffled up on the seat giving us more space and

we sat down, she was soon chatting to Jenny about her holidays. What was I

going to do, I couldn‟t believe Jenny had done that. The rest of the ride was

uneventful, the talk of the bus was James and Dave, one or two of the boys

gave Jenny funny looks but overall the consensus was that they were trouble

any way, and it wasn‟t surprising that they had got into trouble.

When we arrived at the stop outside school we all got off, and walked into

the school grounds, until she reminded me that I needed to go to the school

nurse to drop off my medical card, I stuck close to Jenny, by the time I had

done that and found my way to my registration room I was late. I knocked.

“Yes? Who are you, are you one of mine? Well come in young lady I don‟t

bite, well not until October anyway, now who were we missing lets see you

would be Rose I take it?

“No. No. Don‟t bother, I can see you're not Justin, not unless you‟ve shrunk

over the summer. Quick young lady take a seat, there by Timothy will do fine.

“Right as I was saying the top corridor is out of bounds, yes I know Miss

Chiron just like in Hogwarts, however the three headed dog has been replaced

by the Builders of Doom, they should have finished a week ago, but are still

putting the finishing touches to their edifice.

“Now you all have your time table…” The door slammed open behind me and

a stocky boy fell through it “... ah Justin so good of you to have joined us, I

see your timing is impeccable as usual.”

“Sorry sir, missed the bus sir.”

“Well don‟t let it happen again, now find a seat. As I was saying before being

so rudely interrupted, please check your time tables your GCSE options should





- 56 -

be correct, if you find you are doing classes for subjects that you are not

taking what do you do, Michael Whitherspoon?”

“Sir?”

“Pay attention, if I remember correctly you spent three months in the wrong

class last year, probably as you were inexplicably not paying attention when

you were asked to, now listen to me please.

“Yes Cheryl?”

“I‟m down for home economics three times.”

“Dear gods, I assume you can cook already, then you had better bring it up

here and we will have a look at the lesson plan and find out where you should

be. Jenny Mathews, what is your error?”

“I‟ve got no lessons on Tuesday afternoon sir…”

“And as you know you have English with me you are surprised yes?”

“Sir?”

“Okay everyone who has an error, no matter how humorous Brian, bring it

to me, we are stuck in this miserable cell until we are called to assembly

anyway.”

I just sat though, how it all could go wrong so quickly, before I had been

here an hour I had already been labelled as Rose. As the seat next to Jenny

was empty I moved my stuff over there and waited for her to return, I liked

the look of this teacher, he had a very rich expressive voice.

“Jenny why does he think I‟m called Rose?”

“I don‟t know, when we took the register he asked where you were, I said

you had gone to the nurse to hand your card in. Then he said something about

you being late on your first day too.”

“But he called my name as Rose?”

“Yes.”

“Oh shit what am I going to do?”

“I‟m sorry Ross, I didn‟t mean to slip on the bus.”

“Will Megan tell everyone?”

“Megan no she doesn‟t go to this school.”

“Oh, so now what?”

“Well you‟ll just have to tell Mr. Brooks that your name is Ross and you're a

boy.”

“What? No way, how can I everyone will laugh at me.”





- 57 -

“Well won‟t they laugh at you if you don‟t? I mean you are a boy so what

happens when you do games, they‟ll find out then won‟t they?”

“Yeah, what am I going to do?”

“I don‟t know, look we‟ll work something out.” I was totally disheartened,

school which I to be honest had not been looking forward to, was turning into

a worse nightmare than I had possibly imagined. When the bell went for a

moment I panicked, for one wild moment I thought it was a fire alarm, Jenny‟s

hand clamping down on my wrist drew me out of it though. Mr Brooks was

reminding us that our first lessons today would be after lunch and we would be

expected back into this room, our form room, after assembly.

Never having attended school before I was shocked at the sheer volume of

children, in the hallways, having arrived late the corridors had been nearly

deserted then, now it was a seething mass. I‟m fairly small, and quite slight,

so is Jenny, although she has more bulk than me, she was moving through the

crowds like she had been born to it, I followed her closely.

The school hall is enormous, okay well maybe not that big, it is about half

the size of a football pitch, with a balcony and a stage, the people on the

balcony were the sixth formers and I suppose teachers, the front of the room

near the stage, was fairly orderly, eight lines of chairs, with what I assume are

the first years and a couple of teachers, they were all craning their heads back

to look at us, some of them looked like I felt, others were waving to friends.

Behind them the rest of the hall was filled with more chairs but there didn‟t

seem to be any order to it, Jenny, me and two girls I didn‟t know went and sat

next to one of the pillars supporting the balcony. I saw some of the people in

my form sitting right behind the first years. When I had come to look round in

the summer, we, mum and me had been shown the school hall, the balcony is

where some people eat their lunch, it runs across the back of the room and

down both sides, there is a coffee bar up there for the sixth form too.

Eventually the head teacher walked out onto the stage, slowly the noise

level dropped until, the room was quiet.

“Good morning, and welcome to North Craven Community College. I am

sure you are all eager to get to your lessons,” a groan and a mutter rippled

round the room, before quietening again. The head smiled and continued, “or

maybe not, however I will try and keep this brief. I have several

announcements to make.”

“First – To the sixth formers, if you wish to drive to school you must obtain a

parental permission form from the school office, it must be signed before you

will be allowed to park on school grounds.”







- 58 -

“Second – The corridor from the balcony along to the staff room is out of

bounds, the builders are still trying to finish renovating the old biology room, if

you need to speak to a member of staff please use the stairs from corridor C.”

“Third – Last year we had problems with litter on and around the school

grounds, we have installed extra bins but if you are seen dropping litter you

will be added to the litter picking rota, in the unlikely event of no litter you will

end up sanding desks.”

“Fourth – Over the summer two of our pupils have been arrested, for a

series of serious offences, I will not say who, those concerned will no doubt tell

you themselves if you need to know, however if there is any fall out, or

bullying as a result of the arrests the school will refer the matter to the police,

straight away, and the person or person involved will be suspended.”

“Fifth - On a lighter note some of our pupils new and old have been busy

over the summer, one young lady who is joining us this year has already I

know created a stir amongst some of our male pupils, Rose Walker, has been

used as the face of the Royal Armouries in Leeds, she is in the fourth year and

I hope she will feel welcome here. Robert Taylor has…”

“Oh my god that‟s why they think I‟m called Rose.” I whispered to Jenny,

who was looking rather small and scared next to me, the girl on the far side of

her was holding her hand tightly and talking quietly to her. I turned my

attention back to the head who was still giving out announcements.

“… and I hope he will be successful with the finals which are to be held in

Manchester at the end of October.

“Now I know some of the heads of departments have announcements, to

make so I will close by saying. We have a reputation at this school for

friendship. I hope that throughout this coming year you will remember this,

last year 23 children committed suicide as a result of bullying, luckily no-one

from this area. If you see bullying taking place, know someone who is being

bullied or are being bullied yourself, tell your teacher or a friend don‟t try and

cope alone. Now I will leave you in the capable hands of Irene Macintosh.”

She turned and sat down on a chair behind her, my brain was turning to

jelly, I knew that no-one would believe that I was a boy now. I might as well

stop coming here and go elsewhere, a prim and very proper lady was now

shuffling her notes on the wooden lectern, I turned my attention, back to her.

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I am the head of science, I have only

one announcement, will all GCSE Biology students please note that until the

new biology labs are finished, you will be having your lessons in 29c, which for

those of you unfamiliar with the school is at the back of the art block.” She

turned and sat down, next a small but very fit looking man stepped up.





- 59 -

“As most of you know I am Mr Hargreaves, I am standing in for Miss

Delacourt while she is having her baby, hopefully she will be back with us for

the spring term. Um, I will be working closely with Mr Thomas, Mr Fellows,

Miss Thompson and Mrs. Walters to provide all your sporting activities this

term, for a full list of what options you have please read the notice board

outside the sports hall, however we have one or two high lights this year. 1st

and 2nd years I am afraid you are excluded from this, however you will have

plenty of things to do instead. Okay we have for those who want to try them,

Mountain Biking, Duke of Edinburgh, Rock Climbing, Cross Country Running

and the obvious candidates, Hockey, Rugby, Football, Netball. For any of the

first three you will need parental permission, and the group sizes are strictly

limited, so you will be doing one of the normal sports in between times.

“To help you choose there will be an informal display in the sports hall all

this week, I would also like to remind you, sports kit is not optional, you will all

need to use the kit listed on your school lists, there are no exceptions to this

rule, if you are having any problems obtaining kit speak to your games teacher

this week.” One of the ladies behind him stood and whispered in his ear, “ah

yes, I almost forgot, 4th years and above will also have the option of fitness

training, gymnastics, aerobics and martial arts, however you will need to

register for each option, we will see the numbers wanting to take part before

arranging the lessons. I will also add my hopes that you will all enjoy your

term here and compete in the spirit intended and most of all have fun.” He

turned and sat down, leaving the lectern empty.

The next person to stand up was a wild haired man who started talking

about, the various extra curricular activities. I tuned him out and turned back

to Jenny.

“Jenny are you alright?” She nodded and smiled, the girl on the other side of

her stretched a hand across Jenny and introduced herself.

“Hi I‟m Sally, you must be Rose, Jenny told me all about you.” I hadn‟t met

Sally before, although I hadn‟t actually avoided her our paths never seemed to

cross, she was about as different from Jenny and I as it is possible to get, to

start with she is big and I don‟t mean fat, she must be at least six foot, or

possibly bigger, she‟s also well muscled. I knew she lived on a farm on the far

side of the school catchment area from us. She had been friends with Jenny

since Jenny went on to secondary school, the girl on the far side of her I had

already recognized, again I had never met her but she was definitely Tabitha

Long, or Kitty. She was nearly as tall as Sally but willow thin, her eyes were

friendly and curious as she watched us.

I heard the last part of what the woman on the stage was saying, “…now

make your way outside, after break you need to return to your form rooms.”

The din from all the talking made me jump, Sally saw me and grinned. We

- 60 -

went outside, the school is in the bottom of the valley, the playing fields are on

both sides of the main road, with an underpass linking the two sides. The river

is at the bottom of the school grounds, out of bounds of course, on the other

side of the main road was also where the junior school and swimming pool are,

the very same I had swum in last week.6

“Hi Rose I‟m Tabitha Long but you can call me Kitty, everyone else does.”

She reached forward for an embrace causing me to step back in surprise, when

I realized what she was doing I stepped into the embrace too. “So what was it

like being a model then?”

“Fun.” Said Jenny.

“Boring.” I said. We both giggled. “Both.” I added. We had wandered down

to the wall separating the school from the river, Sally and Kitty pushing ahead

of us. “Jenny do they know about Ross?”

“Yes.”

“Well how come they haven‟t said anything?”

“Dunno, ask them.” Oh shit.

“Um Kitty,” I said as we sat down on a bench in the sun, “how come you

didn‟t say anything about me, I mean Jenny says you know?”

“Well I know that Jenny‟s best friend is called Ross, not Rose, but it would

only embarrass you if I called you Ross and everyone would think I was trying

to be cruel, or bullying you, you know you don‟t actually look like a Ross, more

like a Rose… Especially when you blush like that.” She giggled.

“Oh…”

“‟Fraid so Rose, me too, this school is really against bullying, if they thought

we were being nasty to you it would be letter to parents time, you don‟t get a

chance for things like that.”

* * *

“Jenny was that thing about serious crimes about your brother?” Kitty asked

Jenny then. Jenny looked worried.

“I suppose so, I haven‟t heard of any other serious stuff, although one of the

sixth formers was in court over drink driving.” Said Sally.

“Yeah I heard about that too, who was it?” Kitty queried.

“I think one of the Grimm twins.”



6

The schools mentioned in this text all exist, I however have never been in either of them all though I

have been past a lot, the interiors are all based on the school I attended many years ago. I have however

swum in the pool, sadly my swimming costume was not as nice as Rose’s…





- 61 -

“Well it wasn‟t Simon, he was doing hall duty when I got in, must have been

Mark.” I must have looked bewildered, Jenny explained.

“Their sir name is Black, they‟ve both got black hair and really big…”

“Dynamic…” interjected Sally.

“…eyebrows, so when people read the Prisoner of Azakban they were nick

named…”

“…only Simon, nobody would call Mark anything other than Mark…”

“…okay Simon was nick named Sirius, so they became the Grimm Twins.

Simon is a prefect, probably be head boy next year too, and he is so cute.”

Jenny grinned at the other two, they all went misty eyed briefly, yuck.

“So do you reckon the cryptic clue in assembly was about your brother

then?”

“I suppose it must be, did you hear what they did to James‟ little sister?”

“No, what?”

“They raped her when she was only seven, last year before they…”

“That‟s sick, people like that should be castrated.”

“No, they should be castrated then have paedophile tattooed across their

face, that would stop it.”

“Is she alright?”

“I don‟t know, mum didn‟t say.”

“So where is your brother then, the paper just said he was out on bail?”

“He‟s at home, he has to report to the police every morning and evening…”

Jenny dissolved into tears so we all moved to hug her, a four way group hug is

nice, even I felt better after, not for long though.

Three older girls appeared walking along the river bank on the other side of

the wall, “Ah in at sweet poor ickle baby girl, wadda matta ickle girl…”

“Hey isn‟t that the slut who‟s got you boyfriend in trouble, Danni?”

“Hey slut I‟m gonna kill you, just „cos your frigid you‟ve got my boyfriend

arrested,” „Danni‟ lunged over the wall at Jenny, luckily missing, she pulled

herself back and started to climb over the wall. “I‟m going to kill you, you

bitch…” Her ranting degenerated into cursing as she struggled to get over the

wall. Her friends did nothing to help her but did encourage her to „scrag the

bitch‟. Sally disengaged from a terrified Jenny and pushed the older girl, back

off the wall which she had almost climbed over.

“Your boyfriend is a dirty little kiddie fiddler, he should be castrated, you

stupid slag, unless you like little girls too…” The words struck Danni like a blow

and she launched her self at the wall, now trying to reach Sally. Sally turned



- 62 -

her back on the screaming girl and quietly started to lead us away. I heard a

thud behind us and spun round seeing Danni launching herself at Sally. “Watch

out…” I shouted. Sally it seemed couldn‟t care less as the older girl flung

herself at Sally, Sally stood there until the last possible instant before grabbing

one of the outstretched hands of her attacker and propelling her into a bush, I

had watched enough Karate films to realize that Sally knew what she was

doing, we turned round and watched. Danni landed with a crash, she lay

momentarily stunned before rolling over and resuming the attack.

“What on earth is going on here?” A loud voice startled us all including Sally,

she missed the incoming hands of Danni and went down to a blow to the

stomach, Danni hauled herself onto Sally and was about to really lay into her

when a teacher, hauled her off the prone girl.

“I don‟t know what you think you're doing girl but we do not tolerate

fighting, now who are you and who‟s your form teacher?” The still cursing girl

wrenched herself out of the teacher hands and moved back toward the wall,

her friends were nowhere to be seen.

“Sir she‟s Daniela Jones, she was expelled last year.”

“Well Miss Jones, I would think we probably have your name and address on

file, we will be passing your details onto the police, I suggest you leave now

and don‟t come back.”

“Oh I will, you stupid twat, that stupid bitch will get what she deserves, and

as for that little slag, I‟ll deal with her too.” with one last glare she hauled her

self over the wall and walked off.

The teacher helped Sally to her feet, “Ah Miss Johnson, I‟m surprised that

she managed to deck you.”

“You startled me Sir, and she got lucky.”

“Now what was all that about?” He looked round at us.

“We were sitting on the bench and she came and had a go at Jenny about

her brother sir, then Sally stopped her coming over to get Jenny, then she

went for Sally. Sally threw her into the bushes and then you came.” Kitty

explained.

“I see, well if you hear anymore from her I would suggest that you seek out

a teacher, or your parents.” He looked at his watch, okay the bell is about to

go I would suggest that you go back to your form room now.”

* * *

We went, the rest of the morning was fairly boring, just things to fill in and

check off the list, I won‟t go into the rest of the day, except to say I hated it, I

had hoped that now the summer was over Rose would disappear completely,

now it looked like she was here to stay, my timetable is not too bad we have

- 63 -

PE on Wednesdays and Games on Thursday afternoons, I was looking forward

to neither, it seemed I had a choice though, go to games as Ross and get

laughed at or go to games as Rose and fit right in. Some choice.

Tuesday was if anything worse, Jenny wasn‟t at school, so I was on my own

nearly all day, Kitty and Sally are not in my form, nor do we have any lessons

on a Tuesday together, I didn‟t know where to look for them. However I did

make some new friends, well I hoped we could be friends, Polly, is in my form,

she lives locally, is not really friendly with Jenny, she only moved up here last

year. We talked all through maths and got told to be quiet. I quite like her.

The other girl I‟m less sure of, she is in the year above, her name is Emma

and she seemed very intense about me. She told me I was pretty and that she

would love to see some pictures of me, I‟m not sure what to make of her,

either she is being nasty, about my modelling. Like some of the boys, or she

genuinely likes me. I don‟t know.

* * *

When I got in, mum was out, she had left a note that I was to tidy the spare

room we would be having a guest. The spare room is where Janice sleeps

when she visits, Trisha was in here last week. I stripped and made the bed and

tidied and dusted the book cases. When mum came back later Jenny was in

the car with her, she was our guest. Jenny had a black eye and a huge bruise

down one side of her face, she looked really white.

“What happened?”

“Someone attacked her on the way to school today, she was knocked

unconscious, so didn‟t see who it was. Come on Jenny we‟ll put you in the

spare room, and don‟t worry, you‟ll be safe here.”

“Thank you Mrs. Walker.”

“Ross I need to talk to you downstairs now please, you can come and talk to

Jenny in a bit.” I followed mum downstairs, she went into the kitchen and put

the kettle on. “Ross what happened at school on Monday?”

“Which bit? You mean that girl?”

“Sorry what girl?”

“The girl who tried to attack Jenny.”

“No, I know about that, I mean you, Jenny says the school think you are

Rose.”

“Yes,” I sighed, “I don‟t know what to do, I know that the school will stop

people bullying me at school, but I‟ll never make any friends.” I looked at mum

she looked sad. “It‟s not like they think I‟m a boy or anything, its got nothing

to do with the shoes or shirts, I look like a girl, I‟m too small, to be a good



- 64 -

boy…” I felt a tear running down my face, I wiped it away with the back of my

hand.

“So what are you going to do?”

“I don‟t know, if I tell everyone I‟m a boy everyone will laugh at me, it

wouldn‟t be so bad if they didn‟t know I was the girl who is in those pictures at

the museum. But if I say I‟m really a boy, I will be laughed at. But…”

“But?”

“If I don‟t and everyone finds out then I‟ll still be laughed at, I can‟t win.”

“Oh dear you do have problems don‟t you.” Mum sat looking at me for

sometime then started to speak, she stopped and looked at me some more.

“Well I have one suggestion, you won‟t like it but it will solve one problem,

or make it easier.”

“What?”

“Well we could go all out and make you a girl properly, so that everyone will

assume you are a girl.”

“NO… I AM NOT A GIRL, I‟M A BOY.”

“Don‟t shout at me Ross, I‟m only trying to help. Do you want to listen to

what I have to say?”

“I can‟t believe you're even suggesting it, how does going further solve my

problem?” I stood up and ran upstairs slamming the door behind me.

* * *

“Jenny can I come in?”

“Yes.”

“Are you alright?”

“My eye hurts and I‟m miserable.”

“Here come and have a hug…” We sat and hugged, I heard mum coming

upstairs.

“What were you shouting at your mum for?”

“She thinks if she turns me into a girl, I‟ll have it easier at school.”

“Well you will.”

“What? Not you too, I‟m a boy…” I let go of Jenny and tried to stand, she

clung to me however.

“Ross face it no-one believes you're a boy, you're in all those pictures, the

teachers think you're a girl, I bet if you spent all your time running around

naked people would think you're a girl. If you went the other way, no-one‟ll





- 65 -

stop you doing all the things a boy can do, but you‟ll have an easier time than

trying to be something you're not.”

“But I am…”

“What? What‟s big, red and eats rock?”

“What?”

“Well?”

“A Big Red Rock eater. Why?”

“So if you're small, slim, pretty, and look like a girl what are you?”

“A small, slim, pretty girl.” I said with despair.

“After all, do you care what the rest of the school thinks, what you are inside

is you and they can‟t take that away from you no matter what.”

“Oh…” We cuddled in silence for some time. “thanks Jenny, you're the best.”

“I know, besides if it wasn‟t for you my brother would still be abusing, little

Alex Croft. I will do pretty much anything for you. I love you.” I sat there

stunned, I knew that I had encouraged Jenny to talk to her mum, but I hadn‟t

thought about the further implications.

“I hadn‟t thought about it like that Jenny.” I admitted.

“Well how many other boys or girls at school should be considered a hero or

heroine, Alex was trapped she didn‟t have a best friend to turn to, she thought

that was what big brothers did. If you hadn‟t got me to tell mum nobody would

have known my… No that bastard David had been abusing me, and it wasn‟t

until they knew that that they could find out what James and David had done

to her.”

“I‟m sorry.”

“Why?”

“I knew something was up before, I should have asked you then…”

“Don‟t be silly, you are my best friend, without you I wouldn‟t have got

through last week. I love you.” There was a knock on the door, mum peeped

in.

“Ross do you think we could continue our talk please, it‟s important.”

“Yes mum, I‟ll do what ever you think is best.” She looked stunned, “Jenny

explained, you were right I don‟t like it, but I don‟t really have a choice do I?”

“Ross you always have a choice, however I do think this is your best option.

If you come into your room I‟ll go over my plans in a bit more detail okay.”

“Yes mum.” I hugged Jenny tight and kissed her on the cheek, “Thank you.”

* * *



- 66 -

Mum was sitting on my bed, holding another one of those white boxes, the

last one had contained the breast forms, “I bought this today, it should fit, it‟ll

make it harder for you to be recognized.”

“What is it?”

“Its called a gaffe, you wear it like a pair of shorts, but it hides your naughty

bits and makes you look feminine down there.” She opened the box and

passed me what looked like a piece of skin, I opened it out and it did indeed

look like a pair of shorts, it felt sort of rubbery but cooler as well. “Try it on, I‟ll

go and start tea, the instructions are in the box, give me a shout when they're

on.”

I sat on the edge of my bed and looked at the instructions, it all seemed

fairly straight forward, pull up, put this bit in here, but that bit in there, make

sure the fit is snug. I managed to get into them quite well, apparently they

were made for a man with larger equipment than me but I was comfortable.

The instructions said that it was completely breathable, it could be stuck down

with tape or surgical adhesive. The edges of it where it met my own skin got

progressively thinner, so that it blended almost perfectly with my own skin.

I called mum.

“Right well it works fine, is it comfy?”

“Yeah, I can hardly feel it.”

“Good, I also got you some different breast forms, these ones are much

better quality, they're made from the same stuff as the gaffe, they blend into

your skin better, so you can even wear them in the shower at school, no-one

should notice, you‟ll have to be careful though, although you get some feeling

through them you won‟t get the same amount that a girl would.”

She helped me stick the new breast forms to my chest, they were also a

slightly larger cup size to the previous ones, mum just laughed when I asked

her saying that you couldn‟t get them any smaller. When it was all ready I

went and looked in the mirror, I now looked like a girl, I had seen enough of

Jenny whilst in Leeds to confirm it, I wasn‟t sure but even my hips looked

wider, mum looked pleased.

“We‟ll have to get you some more girls clothing but you should be fine for

the rest of the week. Jenny says that you can sign up for self defence, I want

you to do it if you can, someone of your size and shape, will have a rough life,

you need to be able to defend your self.” I grimaced. “Ross you are always

going to be small, even if you do grow some more you're not going to end up

like me.” Mum is six foot two by the way, my father was also big.

“Right get dressed we‟ll have tea and then you can start on your

homework.”



- 67 -

* * *

Tea was okay, I think Jenny was a little surprised about my newly installed

breasts, she commented about their new size. I offered to loan her the old

ones but she demurred blushing. Luckily I had little homework just some

maths and French, god I hate French, its just a silly language, everywhere else

in the world people speak English as well as their native language, in France oh

no that‟s just to much for them, I probably shouldn‟t make a fuss, I have never

been there so I shouldn‟t really complain. When I had done I checked what I

would need for the following days PE lesson. Sports bra, crop top, gym

knickers and school t-shirt. Hang on I hadn‟t been given a t-shirt.

“Jenny where should I get the school t-shirt from?”

“They‟ll give you it tomorrow in the lesson.”

“Okay then, cool.”

“Girls, it‟s ten o‟clock bedtime.” Mum called, this was going to take some

getting used to.

* * *

The first lesson on a Wednesday is RE, Religious Education, except the

teacher is off sick so we had a replacement, the replacement is actually the

local vicar. Instead of learning about religion we had a discussion, the topic of

today‟s discussion was Abortion. It started off normally enough until we got

onto the subject of rape, should it be allowed then.

* * *

I sat with Jenny in the corridor outside the deputy heads door, I had never

seen Jenny so angry, she had launched herself across the room at one of the

boys, it had taken two other boys to haul her off him. She was crying now I

held her hand. The door into the deputy heads office opened and the vicar and

the boy Jenny had attacked came out, the boy looking sick turned to Jenny.

“Jenny I‟m really sorry, I wouldn‟t have said it if I‟d known…”

“But you would still have thought it, you would still have thought it was my

fault that David abused me, what about Alex Croft, she‟s only eight years old

was it her fault that my… David raped her, would you say that she had to have

his baby?” The boy, Brian, looked stricken, I was holding onto Jenny tightly,

she was almost spitting in her anger and distress.

“Come along Brian, I know you're sorry but I‟m afraid you are only making

things worse.”

“But I…” The vicar pulled the protesting Brian away.







- 68 -

“Jenny can you come in please?” Jenny stood up and pulled me with her,

“it‟s okay Jenny your friend can stay outside.” Jenny just burst into tears, “or

she can come in I suppose.

“Now Jenny I am not going to shout at you this time I understand why you

attacked Brian Watts, however you mustn‟t let it happen again. We firmly

believe in the freedom of speech, here in school. You can‟t attack everyone

who you disagree with now can you.”

“But he…”

“I know what he said and I know why you feel the way you feel, and rest

assured you will find that most people will agree with you. I heard what you

said to him outside, but I want you to remember that just because you are in

pain and hurting it doesn‟t mean that Brian‟s view are any less valid than

yours. Now are you going to be alright?”

“Yes Miss. Kowalski.”

“Good, now I don‟t expect you to apologize to Brian but I think it would help.

Regardless of that remember what I said next time you feel like killing

someone. Off you go.”

* * *

“Bitch, how could she…”

“Jenny she was right.”

“What?”

“What she said about not attacking people who have different ideas, she‟s

right.”

“Oh, Rose not…”

“After all I would have to attack you wouldn‟t I, after all you think I make a

good girl.”

“Oh… Yeah… I hadn‟t thought of it like that, it‟s just…”

“Yeah I know, what he said was wrong, but it would have been better if you

hadn‟t gone for him, if you had told everyone about Alex they would have

supported your view don‟t you think?”

“Yeah I suppose, hey why don‟t we go and get changed now, its still five

minutes till the bell we‟ll get the best spot to change.” We walked across the

quad at the back of school until we got to the changing rooms, “Um Rose,

what‟ll you do when we have a shower, I mean they're in cubicles but people

still might see your extra bits?”

“Wait and see.” I grinned. That was the least of my worries.





- 69 -

We went up to the girls changing rooms and got the best place at the back

next to the radiator, Jenny explained that you could hang your towel on it so it

was warm for your shower. We slowly stripped and changed into our PE kit, I

let Jenny see my now minimalist crotch, she was really impressed, the we sat

and chatted, whilst we waited for the other girls. I was sure that someone

would cotton on to my hidden assets when the room filled up, but with the

exception of Polly who remarked that she wished she was as slim as me I don‟t

think anyone even noticed.

I however noticed everyone else, the rest of the girls hurried to get changed

most didn‟t seem to care if their naughty bits were spotted in the process,

some had their gym kit on under their uniforms, some changed in the shower

cubicles, one or two wrapped towels round themselves and changed

underneath them. There were also three girls who really flaunted them selves,

two I knew and one I hadn‟t met. Sally stripped down to her panties and bra

and then wandered around talking to another girl, then she took the rest off

and wandered back to her bag, she was awesome, her body was really tidy,

she had hair in places that neither Jenny or myself had hair. She hardly had

any breasts though it didn‟t seem to bother her.

The other girl was Kitty, she came and sat with us and got changed, after

she was naked she pranced across the room proclaiming that she was now a

nudist and would be taking the lesson naked, her body was slim, her breasts

were probably about the same size as my falsies, but on her taller frame

looked smaller. She had a very small patch of pubic hair that Polly whispered

to me she shaved. The third girl I didn‟t know but was obviously very friendly

with Kitty as when she was naked they started doing a very raunchy dance

around the room.

“Is she… Are they, you know, um?” Jenny burst out laughing.

“That‟s her twin, they're always like that.” Doh I had forgotten that Kitty had

a twin.

* * *

“Ladies what on earth is all the…

“Tabitha, Mabel get changed now, I thought we had stopped you doing this

last year…”

“Yes Miss.”

“Sorry Miss.” I got the feeling they weren‟t as they were both grinning

mischievously.

“The rest of you into the gym now, lets get this lesson started…”

* * *





- 70 -

The lesson was the normal I suppose, we started off doing stretches, then

did some running round, then we did some vaulting on the horse, nothing

major. I quite enjoyed it, it was very nerve wracking though, because of the

announcement in assembly I was something of a minor celebrity, PE we do

with the boys, so I was stared at a lot. It made me feel very uncomfortable.

When we got back into the changing rooms Miss. Thompson reminded us

that we had to shower, before we left, Jenny, Polly and I waited by our

radiator until the vast majority of girls had cleared, the remaining girls were

Kitty and her sister, Sally, and a group of girls I didn‟t really know. I stripped

off and grabbing my towel made my way to the showers, as I did the group of

girls all burst out laughing and turned to look at me. Oh shit.

As I walked past them, I heard quite clearly “They only picked her because

she offered to give the photographer head.” Then they all burst out laughing

again and again turned to stare at me. I felt a blush starting, and was glad of

the towel round me. False breasts don‟t blush. I got into the shower and

washed carefully all over, we were lucky this year PE was right before lunch so

we didn‟t need to hurry. I heard the group of girls start to leave then my towel

was pulled off the hook outside the door. Shit. I finished washing off the soap,

I could hear people in the other showers so I knew I wasn‟t alone.

I nervously pulled back the curtain and looked for my towel, I couldn‟t see

it, but nor could I see anyone else, I had a spare towel with me, so I made a

dash for my bag, the spare is only a hand towel but it would do. I nearly

collapsed in shock when I heard the wolf whistle behind me, as it was I ended

up on my knees clutching my school bag to me, I stared wildly at, my ex-

friends who were pissing themselves.

* * *

We did make up over lunch though but it did rather cement our friendships,

the only other thing of note was when Emma talked to me at afternoon break,

Kitty told me that she is well known as the school dyke. I decided that unless

she actually came onto me I would treat her normally, after what I had said to

Jenny this morning about respecting other peoples views I couldn‟t do much

else.

* * *

The rest of the week was pretty uneventful, we went out for a meal with

Jenny and her mum and dad. They are really upset that Jenny doesn‟t want to

be at home at the moment but I think they understand, David is in even more

trouble now, another girl has come forward to say he was abusing her too, she

is one of the second years at school, though I don‟t know what she looks like.

On Friday afternoon Jenny‟s mum came round to see her, they talked for ages





- 71 -

in the spare room, Jenny is going home again, her brother has been sent to a

young offenders institution near Harrogate, until the trial.

* * *

Nothing much happened over the next few weeks, I put my name down for

various after school activities, the only one that I ended up doing was the self

defence, however of the sports options I had picked I got to do everything I

had asked for, except one. I had asked to do Mountain Biking, but although the

original note had said that people without bikes could be catered for, on the

actual first lesson I was told that I needed my own bike. All the other options

were full, so for a while it looked like I would be stuck doing hockey with

Jenny, then Outdoor Pursuits, and finally Netball, on my own, none of my

friends liking netball. Then at the last moment one of the girls dropped out of

Aerobics so I got to do that instead cool.

* * *

At the end of September I was booked into the clinic for my normal sixth

monthly tests, the clinic is in Bradford, its an absolute pain, but I would be

missing a whole Wednesday, pity it wasn‟t a Monday, my least favourite day.

We travelled down to Bradford on the Thursday morning, my appointment was

for 11 o‟clock, mum wished me luck and left me to the tender mercies of Drs‟

Powell and Forbes. Dr Powell is in his fifties Dr Forbes in her late thirties, I

have known them for four years, they always run my tests together.

I have to say I am not at all keen on these clinic days, today was no

exception, I did however ask about puberty, Dr Forbes said that she would

have it looked into. Mum arrived at three, she spent half an hour with the

doctors, when she had finished we set off for home I was tired and ready to

sleep mum was ready to talk.

“Good day?”

“Oh, not too bad, it‟s just so boring.”

“Well they rather think that might be your last for a while.”

“Really?”

“Really, Dr Powell needs to get the results of the blood test and samples

back but as far as they can see you're about as good as you can be.”

“Oh cool.”

“There is one thing, they told me you're worried about puberty, I thought we

had discussed that?”

“Oh I know about it that way…” I stopped, mum had indeed explained all

about puberty and birds and bees to me, with the stuff I had gleaned from the

internet I knew what it was about, well except that one thing… “I want to know



- 72 -

when I‟ll start, I mean I‟m still a little kid, everyone thinks I‟m a girl, I want to

be big and strong, or at least strong…” I trailed off I knew that in all probability

I would never be that big, possibly never that strong, but if I needed to shave

I could at least look more male.

“Well they promised to look into it for you,” mum looked at me with

sympathy, “you know that you‟ll never be that big don‟t you Ross?”

“Yeah.” I said with a sigh.

* * *

I woke feeling groggy, leaving the fading feel of terror that my dream had

left me with, Jenny had been attacked and beaten. A dream, how horrible. I

got up and went through to mum‟s room, she was. Already up and dressed.

“Morning Ross, you need a hand?” I nodded, I had gone to the hospital

yesterday as Ross, this morning I needed help with the false parts of Rose, and

my hair. It didn‟t take long for the transformation, I was finding the whole

process much easier, partly as I was happier with Rose and partly practice.

Thursday is games day, today I would be doing outdoor pursuits, the sports kit

for this was the simplest, scruffy trousers, t-shirt, jumper and water proofs. I

kissed mum goodbye and ran for the bus.

School was uneventful, Jenny was much to my relief quite okay, in fact she

looked happier than she had in weeks. Lessons on Thursday are fairly boring,

games occupies the last three periods, this week were going for a walk up on

the scars. The scars are all that remain of an ancient fault line, on one side of

our valley the stone is millstone grit, on the other it is limestone, the limestone

is exposed near the top of the hills, leaving scars. The two scars near us are

Attamire and Giggleswick. Giggleswick is being quarried, but to my mind is the

most impressive of the two, however today we were going up Attamire.

The walk was fun except for the teasing, it seemed that the group of girls

that I had encountered in the changing rooms after PE some weeks ago, had

decided that I was a worthy target of their venom, it wasn‟t too nasty, I mean

they never actually called me names or even spoke to me, but every time I

went near them they burst into laughter and stared at me. I didn‟t really know

what to do, it wasn‟t actually bullying so I couldn‟t get them into trouble,

something I didn‟t really want to do anyway.

When we got back to school we were late, the school bus had left already

taking Jenny too, it meant waiting nearly an hour until the next one. I left the

school and turned right, I walked along the main road into town. About half

way along the railway crosses the road on a viaduct, just before that there is a

road that leads back into the housing estate. A group of girls came out of it

and started walking into town as well, I didn‟t really see who they were so





- 73 -

ignored them. Beyond the railway is a car-park and garage, the girls turned in

and I walked past.

Our town is not huge but is in the centre of the Yorkshire Dales, it means

that on days like today the place is fairly quiet, in the summer it is heaving

with hikers and tourists. It also means that the shops are much more „Olde

Worlde‟, they're not actually too bad, the café I was aiming for is run by a

friend of mums, it‟s called Peonies and is on a lane leading out of the square.

Peonies is quite small but much frequented by locals in the off season like

now, it has about ten tables and I managed to get the one I normally sit at

near the soaps, the café also sells soap, art, silk scarves and other artsy sort

of stuff. I couldn‟t resist sniffing the soap, it‟s all natural stuff and made

nearby. Steve the owner came over.

“Hi Steve can I have a Coke and a slice of Lemon cake please?” He gave me

a funny look but wrote it down and went to get it for me. When he‟d delivered

my order I sat and started on my homework, maths first, I had English and

French too. Peonies shuts at four, my bus is due at 4:15. Mum and Steve have

an arrangement that if I come in with no cash mum will pay Steve the next

time she sees him, however like you‟ve already guessed Steve doesn‟t know

Rose.

“That‟ll be £2.65 please young lady.”

“Mum‟ll pay you.”

“Will she? And who is your mum then?” I must have looked puzzled. “As far

as I know I‟ve never met you before, so how am I to know who your mother

is?”

“I‟m Ro… Rose.” Oh Shit!

“Hang on I‟ll get her to ring you.”

“Well make it quick I need to lock up.”





* * *

“Mum it‟s me…”

“Hello me, where are you?”

“I‟m in Peonies, Steve doesn‟t know me, I haven‟t a bus fair and money for

my food what‟ll I do?”

“Oh dear, I‟m not going to be able to pick you up, hang on is Steve there

now?”

“Yes.”

“Well let me have a word.”



- 74 -

* * *

“Hello.”

…

“Oh…”

…

“Wow I would never have guessed.” He gave me a hard look. “Yes I can see

now.”

…

“No not a problem, I‟ll speak to you soon.” He handed me the phone back

smiling, mum had already hung up so I put the phone away, what had mum

said? “Well Rose I would never have guessed, your mum‟ll pay me next week

sometime, and don‟t worry your secrets safe with me. Whew!









- 75 -

Chapter 11 – Ah that’s bad…

I hurried back towards the town square, as I left the end of the lane leading

to Peonies I heard voices behind me.

“There she is…” Someone grabbed me by the hair, I had left it loose after

games. Whoever it was, was bigger than me and stronger, I was pulled back

into a door way. “Got you, you little bitch. I know you, you‟re a friend of that

slut who got my boyfriend into trouble.” I still couldn‟t see anyone but my eyes

were filling with tears my scalp hurt…

I was thrust away from them and grabbed again, this time from a different

direction, still by the hair. “Hold her, Nikki. I‟m going to show her what I‟ll do

to her little friend if she doesn‟t stop saying things about my boyfriend.” I was

turned to face Danni, Oh no, she punched me, I didn‟t know you could be hit

that hard it felt like I‟d been run over by a train, my breath rushed out of me

and my body tried to fold over but the other girl still had me by the hair, she

hit me again, and again. I don‟t know how many more times she hit me, I

remember staggering out of the lane to see the bus arrive, so it couldn‟t have

been long.

I fell onto the bus, I felt sick and shaky, my legs felt like jelly. I tripped and

fell into the bus scraping my shins on the bottom step. “Here love are you

alright?”

“No…”

“Hang on pet, there I‟ve got you now have a seat, what happened?” The bus

driver was really kind I don‟t remember much of the journey, I just sat feeling

miserable, I no longer had my school bag, luckily it only had my medicine…

Oh shit my phone, my keys…

The bus driver did a detour along my road and let me off at the bottom of

the drive, I just hoped mum would be in. Mum wasn‟t and the spare keys

weren‟t in their jam-jar in the garage. I slumped onto the bench below the

kitchen window. What was I going to do? Jenny would help. Jenny didn‟t like

outdoor pursuits so did fitness training instead. I hoped she was home as I

staggered down the drive on my way to her house.

I must have blanked out at some point as the next thing I remembered was

being undressed by auntie Cynthia. My stomach and legs were covered in

bruises, I hurt all over but my stomach was the worst.

“Who did this Ross?”

“That girl, Danni.”

“The girl that had a go at Jenny the other week?”





- 76 -

“Yes her, another one, Nikki, held me and she hit me, she just kept hitting

me, they stole my bag too.”

“Where‟s your mum?”

“Not at home, I don‟t know.”

“Well I‟ll ring her but I think the doctor needs to have a look at you too,

who‟s your doctor?”

“Sheila.”

“Oh I know her, I‟ll ring the surgery and see if they can fit you in.”

* * *

I lay there as Jenny‟s mum left me and went to ring my mum, today had

been doing okay until this, what was I going to do I wondered, I didn‟t like

being beaten up.

“Oh Rose are you alright?”

“Hi Jenny, I feel terrible, my stomach hurts a lot.”

“Was it Danni again?”

“Yeah she said she was showing me what she‟d do to you if she catches

you.”

“Really, what‟ll I do?”

“We‟ve got to find away of stopping…”

“That‟s easy Ross, I‟ve rung the police too, they're sending a constable

round to speak to you. Jenny can you come and help me in the kitchen

please.” I lay back to think, I wasn‟t sure that telling the police was the right

option, I mean Jenny had told the police about her brother now we‟d both been

beaten up. The bell rang as I was dozing off.

“He‟s just through here Sheila, here you go, I‟ll be in the kitchen when

you're done okay?”

“Yes thanks, hello Ross, I hear you‟ve been in the wars?”

“I was beaten up, I feel sore, my stomach hurts and my scalp too.” Sheila

looked me over prodding my stomach and examining my scalp.

“I don‟t think there‟s much wrong Ross, you're going to have a lot of

bruising in a day or two.

“Ross I notice you're dressed as Rose still, are you going to school as Rose

too?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“We decided it was easiest.”

- 77 -

“We who?”

“Mum and me, everyone thought I was anyway, I mean on my first day they

thought I was Rose all the teachers and everything.”

“Why didn‟t you tell anyone?”

“How could I they had an announcement in assembly about me, you know

the modelling, well the head announced that I had done that, now everyone

knows me as Rose if I went to school and said that I was a boy, none of the

girls would like me, and the boys wouldn‟t either. I‟m stuck.”

“Oh dear, so you and your mum decided that you would go all the way to

help?”

“Yeah, least this way I don‟t get bullied for the way I look, and I bet I would

if I was Ross at school. After all I know who I am, my friends at school know

as well.”

“Ross do you want to be a girl?”

“NO… No I don‟t but I don‟t look like a boy do I?”

“Um, no not really, I can see why you have problems, would you like to

speak to someone properly about it?”

“What good will that do? The only thing I can do is grin and bear it or

change schools.”

“I‟m going to ring your mum tonight and have a chat, you need to get this

sorted out it‟s not healthy for you, and the school could get into trouble, if

people find out. In the meantime, now I know about it you can direct people to

me if anyone does, okay?”

“Thanks Sheila.” The door bell went again, I hoped it was mum, but it

wasn‟t.”

* * *

“She‟s with her doctor now, if you hang on you probably can speak to her

too.”

“Rose there‟s a police lady here who would like a word with you.”

“Well I‟ll have a quick word first Ro… Rose, then you‟d better tell her what

you know, we don‟t want you beaten up again.”

“Thanks Sheila.”

* * *

“Rose this is Maggie, I‟ve told her what you told me, she needs to go over it

with you as well, don‟t worry I‟ll stay here with you and your mum‟s on her

way.”

“Rose, can you tell me what happened?”

- 78 -

“I missed my bus so I went to a café in town, when I left I went back to the

square, to catch the bus, I‟d seen them earlier but they were in front of me

and didn‟t see me.

“I… They grabbed me by the hair from behind, pulled me back into a

doorway, there were four of them, I only knew two, although the third was the

girl with them when they tried to beat Jenny up at school. The one that held

me is called Nikki, the one who hit me is called Danni, Daniela Jones.”

“Then what happened Rose?”

“I don‟t know really, the next thing I remember was waking up on the bus,

no I fell over getting on it, I couldn‟t have been long though, I left the café at

four, the bus is due at quarter past.”

“Okay, can you remember anything else?” I shook my head, then wished I

hadn‟t.

“They stole her school bag.” Jenny‟s mum told Maggie

“What was in it?”

“My medicine, my phone, house keys and school books.”

“Well at least you‟ll have an excuse tomorrow.” Joked Maggie, somehow I

wished I didn‟t. “Okay I spoke to your doctor, she said that you have severe

bruising to the abdomen and some damage to your scalp. We‟ll need to take a

proper statement, in town tomorrow; will your mum be able to come with

you?”

“Yes. I think so.” I turned to Jenny‟s mum, she nodded and said.

“If not I can come with you Rose.”

“Okay I‟ll leave a phone number with you if you can ring it an hour before

you want to come in.”

* * *

The bell woke me, I had fallen asleep on the sofa, I hurt all over. “Rose your

mum‟s here, come on pet wake up.” I did.

“Mum?”

“Oh Ross, I came as quick as I could, are you okay?”

“I hurt mum, can we go home please?”

“Yes we‟ll go right now. Thank you for looking after him I was so worried

when you rang. Did Sheila come and see him?”

“Yes she gave him the once over, says he‟ll be fine with a good nights sleep.

Bit sore tomorrow though. And its no trouble, after how Ross has helped Jenny

over the last couple of months it‟s the least I could do. Now get a good nights





- 79 -

sleep Ross, I‟ll see you tomorrow.” With that she ushered mum and I out the

door, we didn‟t talk much until we got home, I still felt very wobbly.

“Right strip, lets get you in the bath.” I suppose I should be embarrassed to

have my mum see me naked, but after all the years she had bathed me I

didn‟t even think about it. I climbed into the bath, I left the gaffe and breasts

on, they didn‟t hurt and felt comfy, I would sleep in them too. “Oh dear, what

a mess, is it very sore?”

“Yeah, what‟ll happen now mum?”

“Well Cynthia and I are going to take it in turns to take you and Jenny to

school, at least then we‟ll know where you are, you told the police what

happened?”

“Yes, I‟ve got to make a statement tomorrow, can you come?”

“Of course.” I splashed around and washed for a bit.

“Mum, what am I going to do?”

“How do you mean?”

“About Rose?”

“I thought you were okay with it for now?”

“No not that, when I make the statement, they‟ll want to know who I am, I

can‟t tell them I‟m Ross because they talked to me as Rose, and I can‟t tell

them I am Rose, because that‟d be lying.”

“I see, well I suggest we go with Rose, if they ask we‟ll explain if they don‟t

that‟s not our fault, okay?”

“I guess, um Sheila is going to ring you tonight too.”

“About this afternoon?”

“No about Rose, I think she thinks we're going too far, you know with Rose.”

“Did you explain?”

“Yes, but she says the school should know, they might get into trouble or

something.”

“Well I‟ll ring her now, get your self into bed, we‟ll do the police first thing

after school.”

“Night Mum, I love you.”

“I‟ll be up to tuck you in later, I love you too Ross.”

* * *

I don‟t know if mum did come and tuck me in, I was woken by my alarm at

7am as normal. It took me a lot of effort to get ready this morning my entire

stomach was in agony and very bruised, my hair wasn‟t sore though, I decided



- 80 -

to have it in a single braid and not too tight. Jenny‟s mum picked me up at the

gate at 8:15 we were in school on time and sort of ready for lessons.

At eleven o‟clock I was called into the deputy heads office, I was really

worried I thought I must have been rumbled, I breathed a sigh of relief when I

saw my school bag on the desk and Maggie in the visitor‟s chair. My relief

didn‟t last, my bag was dirty, my books were all defaced. My phone was gone,

so were my keys and medicine. It had been found in the beck in Giggleswick,

“Rose we spoke to your mum this morning she‟ll pick you up this afternoon.

I‟m not on duty this afternoon but one of my colleagues will take a statement

from you okay?”

“Yeah, have you seen that girl yet?”

“Danni yes she‟s in custody now.”

“What‟ll happen to her?”

“She‟ll be prosecuted, she‟ll go to court then we‟ll see okay?”

“Yeah.” Oh shit.

“Right I‟ll see you around.” I looked at the deputy head, the bell had gone so

I really needed to go too.

“Rose take a seat I need to talk to you as well.” He said after ushering

Maggie out. “We‟ve had your mother and doctor on the phone this morning, it

seems we made a mistake, I realize that this must be difficult for you…”









- 81 -

Chapter 12 – It’s the end of the world as we know

it…

I felt myself go white I felt faint, I wondered what I would do now, if the

school knew my secret I would be made to be a boy, I mean I want to be a

boy, but if everyone knows my life will be over. I‟ll never have any friends, well

I would still have Jenny but it just wouldn‟t be the same.

“…I spoke to Mr. Fellows this morning he told me that this girl, Danni Jones

attacked your friend Sally at the beginning of term…” What? What’s he on

about, he doesn’t know about Ross… I lost track of the conversation for a bit.

“…we realize now that we should have taken more notice at that point, we take

a very strong view against bullying, sadly with Danni already expelled we

assumed that there was nothing to be done.

“Now it seems that we should have, all I can do is apologize and tell you

that we will do all in our power to protect you. Okay?”

“Sir, yes thanks.”

“Right off you go don‟t want to miss too much of your class.”

“Thank you Sir.”





I honestly don‟t remember the rest of that day, well not at school anyway.

3:30 rolled around slowly. Mum met Jenny and I at the school gates. “Hi Jenny

you don‟t mind coming to the police station with us do you?”

“No, are we going there now?”

“Peonies first, we‟re not due at the station till four, I thought a coffee would

be nice first, okay?”

“Yeah cool.” Peonies were busy as normal, mum waved to Steve as we went

in.

“Hello ladies how are you today? Now what can I get you?”

“Three slices of Lemon cake, two coffees, Rose?”

“Um coke please.”

“Okay couple of minutes.”





“Rose I went to see Sheila today, we are going to have to tell the school.”

“Oh.” Shit.

“Sheila says you have two options, you can come out so to speak, you would

need to start going to school as Ross, the school would help you so would





- 82 -

Sheila and I. The other is to stay as you are but we would still have to tell the

school they would have to treat you as though you had a medical problem.

“Okay, what do you think?”

“Mum, I don‟t know. I would prefer to be Ross.” Shit this was hard. “But…”

“But?”

“If I start going to school as Ross, I will have no friends, no-one will want to

be with me, I mean I want to be a boy, but I sort of like being Rose.”

“Ross, I‟ll be your friend, I like Rose but I like you too.” Jenny said making

me feel a little better.

“So you're going to stick with Rose at school?”

“What do you think? I mean I know I have to make the decision but I don‟t

know.”

“I think you would be better off going as Rose, at least until we know the

results of the tests, after that if you are just a late bloomer we can go back to

Ross, if there is some deeper problem Rose might be an answer of sorts. I‟ll

ring Sheila on Monday and get it all sorted out.” Our food and drinks had

arrived we ate in silence. After mum had paid we walked to the police station, I

was dreading the interview, but in the end it wasn‟t so bad, they had a written

copy of what I had told Maggie yesterday, they asked me if it was right and

then got me to sign it. R. Thomas could be Ross or Rose.

Mum dropped Jenny off on the way home, “Ross we have a problem.”

“What?”

“You know Janice wasn‟t able to look after you in August because she was

looking after her mum, your grandmother.”

“Yes?”

“Your grandmother died last Tuesday, the funeral is tomorrow, you need to

go. Janice will take you, I can‟t come with you.”

“Do I have to?”

“I don‟t really want you to no, but Janice is insisting so yes you do.” Well

that would really cramp my weekend, admittedly I had no plans but, I hadn‟t

seen dad since I was four, the only part of his family I was in contact with was

Janice and her daughter. Mum helped me sort out some clean clothes to wear,

I didn‟t posses a suit but my school trousers and shoes would be okay along

with my school blouse. “Mum I hope no-one notices.”

“Notices what?”

“That I‟m wearing girls clothes.”





- 83 -

“Listen love no-one will notice, no-one knows there, Janice won‟t have said

I‟m sure so don‟t worry, okay?”

“Okay.”





I didn‟t sleep well that night, the dreams wouldn‟t let me rest, unusually I

didn‟t remember their themes but I kept waking in a sweat panicking. Janice

picked me up as planned at 10 o‟clock, I was dressed as planned in mainly my

school uniform, I wasn‟t wearing my breast forms or my gaffe, when I was

dressing I fully intended to go as Ross and leave Rose behind. As it was when

Janice picked me up I felt okay although a little nervous.

Dad ran away with another woman when I was four, I don‟t really know

what happened mum won‟t talk about it and the one time I asked Janice she

told me to ask mum, sometimes I really want to meet dad, is he like me, is he

nice, why did he leave mum. But at the same time I don‟t want to upset mum,

she has looked after me all my life even when I was so ill they thought I would

die.

Today I would probably meet him, I hoped he liked me. The whole ride up to

Kendal I fidgeted. Trisha just laughed, “don‟t worry pet, it‟ll be fine just see.” I

remembered something she had told me in August about mum leaving dad,

now wasn‟t the time to ask though, Trisha was driving, Janice looked very tired

and sad.

The funeral was being held at the crematorium, when we arrived we were a

little early so there were a lot of people hanging around outside, I felt sick with

nerves, my palms were sweaty and I was trembling.

“Janice how are you?”

“Hello Peter, how are you and how‟s Mabel?”

“Fine, fine. This must be Trisha, I haven‟t seen you since you burnt the

burgers at that barbecue, you remember?”

“Uncle Peter I was only 8 at the time.”

“So you were, and who‟s this? Family?”

“This is Ross one of Simon‟s.”

“Really I thought all his were a fair bit younger.”

“From his first marriage.”

“Ah. Well hello young Roz I‟m pleased to meet you, Your father is a round

somewhere.” He turned and greeted another person leaving me in utter

confusion, Roz, who… More like why, Roz?

“Well Ross that was Trisha‟s uncle Peter,” I gathered, “he‟s my Brian‟s big

brother.” Brian was Aunt Janice‟s husband he‟d died before I was born.

- 84 -

“Oh, um why did he think I was Roz?”

“He didn‟t he called you Ross.” Yeah right.

“Come on mum everyone is going in.” We made our way into the chapel,

Aunt Janice got one or two funny looks, at first I thought it was because of me,

but after a moment I decided that it was something about her instead. We

found a pew at the back and sat down. The service wasn‟t bad, the hymns

were pretty boring, and the people who stood up to say things about my

grandmother I didn‟t know. Finally it was over, as we were sitting at the back

we left first, we went straight back to the car.

“Are we going then mum?”

“We‟d better, I don‟t want anymore trouble.” What?





Trisha waited a few moments while Janice calmed down then we set off

evidently for the reception. The wake was being held in a church hall, we

parked and went in. The hall was nearly full; with strangers I found myself

almost standing on Janice‟s toes I hated this. The first person who spoke to

Janice was Trisha‟s aunt Mabel, Peter‟s wife.

“Janice so glad you could come, we outcasts must really stick together.

How‟s Julie?”

“She‟s fine couldn‟t come though, she would have been shunned more than

us…” Mum?

“How are you, Trisha? Still working in the bank?”

“I‟m not doing badly, I got a promotion a fortnight ago.”

“You must be Roz, Peter told me you were one of Simon‟s kids, he was right

you are very pretty. Where do you go to school?”

“In Settle.”

“Really, at the high school?”

“Yes.” I had a horrible feeling which the next moment was confirmed.

“Our daughter goes there, she‟s in the fourth year, what year are you in? I‟ll

have to introduce you, she‟s around somewhere.” Her eyes started searching

the room, she smiled and waved at someone behind me. “Jackie, do you know

Roz here, she goes to your school?”

“Hiya Rose, mum she‟s the one I told you about, she‟s the one who did the

modelling…”





“Janice, did you bring him?”

“Simon…”



- 85 -

“Dad…” A tall rather distinguished man peered down at me.

“Who are you? Janice I understood you were bringing my son with you.”

“Oh, um Simon can I have a word with you in private.”

“Why are you plotting to steal my wife again?” What?

“No, I need to talk to you about your son.”

“Well I don‟t think that anyone here will mind us talking now do you, after

all…”

“Simon old chap, don‟t loose your rag, it‟s water under the bridge,” another

man had appeared out of the throng, another unknown face, Janice looked

relieved. “I don‟t think Debra is the sort to run off with another woman, the

glare he directed at Janice could have melted steel, Janice returned it with a

stare of equal ferocity.

“Janice I want to know where my son is, he is a beneficiary of the will,

though I did try and stop mum leaving him or you anything.” He glared at

Janice for a moment longer then turned his attention to me, as I met his eyes I

realized I too had been staring, staring at my father.

“Well? You don‟t bring my son when you are told you need to, but you do

bring rude girls. I guess he won‟t be getting his inheritance after all.” He

grinned smugly at Janice. Janice went red then white.

“You are such a idiot Simon Walker, your wife left you because you wouldn‟t

let her have any friends, you made her stay in with your son when you were

out having fun. You are the one who had an affair not her, she didn‟t turn to

me until after you had already ruined the marriage. And as for your son he‟s

standing right in front of you, perhaps if you had had any contact with him in

the last ten years you would know what he looks like…” Janice was crying but

struggling with Mabel who was holding her back, I felt all the eyes on the little

group turn to stare at me, I blushed.

The man who had joined Simon led him away and Mabel led Janice away,

Trisha followed, as I turned to follow I felt a hand on my arm.

“Is it true?”

“What?”

“You're a boy?” Jackie of course knew it all now, my life was over.

“Yeah.”

“Wow that is so cool. ” Huh? “I mean I thought you were a girl, you do sport with the

girls don’t you? You’re really good I think everyone thinks you’re a girl.” What could I say;

I didn’t even understand her reaction.







- 86 -

Chapter 13 – I don’t care what they say about me anyway, I

don’t care ‘bout that.

Jackie led me to a seat off to one side, she chattered away telling me that it

was one of her fantasy‟s to be a boy, like me but the other way round, of

course her mum wouldn‟t let her. I tuned it out her finding out now seemed

okay I hoped she wouldn‟t say anything. I tried to sort out what was going on

in my head, my father it seemed hated me. He didn‟t want me here. Mum had

left him, mum had always said he‟d left her. What did Janice mean about mum

turning to her?





Jackie‟s chattering finally worked it‟s way through my worries eventually.

She was in the middle of telling me how she had pretended to be a boy in the

summer holidays as a dare and gone swimming in her bother‟s trunks and no

top.

“Jackie, I don‟t understand, how come you're at my Grandmother‟s funeral?”

“She‟s mine too sort of.”

“Huh?”

“My Dad is her step son.”

“But I thought your dad was Trisha‟s uncle?”

“He is, Uncle Brian was Dad‟s Step brother too, there isn‟t a blood

relationship between me and Granny or between me and Trisha but we're

family still, so you're sort of my cousin. Um Rose can you call me Jack please?”

“Jack?”

“My full name is Jacqueline, but mum and dad call me Jackie, I do want to

be a boy really so most of my friends call me Jack, even at school.”

“Jack I don‟t want to be a girl.”

“Really wow, I mean you're really good, I assumed that you wanted to be.”

“I did that modelling in the summer, then school started off thinking I was a

girl, now I can‟t tell anyone „cos they‟ll all hate me, maybe I could be like you

and pretend I‟m a boy…”

“No-one would believe you, I mean you‟ve got long hair and you look really

pretty, I‟m plain you know, I can‟t get away with it at school, but when I go

out with friends I do everything I can to be a boy you know. If you started

pretending to be a boy everyone would laugh at you, I mean they laugh at me

too but „cos I‟m big and plain it‟s not too bad, and if any of the boys try to

make trouble I just hit them.” She grinned at me, what she said was hurtful





- 87 -

but did make sense, she wasn‟t as big as Sally but was well built in a manly

sort of way, I wondered if she worked out.





“Ross we need you for the will.” Trisha appeared from the throng, I said

goodbye to Jackie promising to speak to her at school on Monday.

“Trisha why did no-one tell me?”

“Mum thought your mum should do it, but it‟s true, you dad was screwing

around, while your mum was looking after you, In the end she left him it was

only then did she find out he had another son already, he met Debra before he

met your mum, then she went off with someone else and he married your

mum, when Debra came back he took it up where it left off.”

“Oh, why does he hate Janice and me though?”

“Your mum and mine are well…”

“Lesbians?”

“I suppose so, I never thought of it like that though they love each other,

properly not like most people do, they never argue or anything.” We were

making our way through the milling throng heading for the back of the hall, I

could see my father someway in front. “I didn‟t realize that he hated you until

today, I knew that he wasn‟t in contact with you, maybe he blames you for the

marriage breaking up, I know Granny was furious with him when he split from

your mum.” We arrived in a smaller hall, a long table down the centre was

surrounded with chairs, most were occupied, at one end were three men in

suits with papers and briefcases. We took our seats next to Janice, I was the

youngest there and my father and several others stared at me.

The reading of the will started the three men at the end of the table were

my grandmothers solicitors, they would read out a name and then say what

that person had got, then would pass them an envelope, I didn‟t expect to get

very much after all my Grandmother hardly knew me.

“Isabella Watkins, had many regrets in her life her biggest was that one of

her grand children was cut off from her, in light of this fact she changed her

will several years ago, she told me that she felt that the person who caused

the separation should be punished and not the child, she spoke to the child‟s

mother on three occasions each time pressing the mother to accept help, the

mother refused although she was happy for access if Isabelle wanted it. My

client also spent some time trying to bring the family back together. The final

item of the will reflects these worries, her words are and I‟ll quote „To my son

Simon I leave the contents of his room and a quarter of the contents of my

home.‟” I heard my father gasp. The solicitor continued, “she goes on „To my

grandson Ross, I leave him my portfolio of stocks and shares, they will be held

in trust until he comes of age or in the event of his illness reoccurring he will

- 88 -

be able to draw on these funds to help with treatment costs. Further he will be

also deeded the house in Keswick, although it will be available to all my

grandchildren, he will take ownership when he comes of age, if he dies before

that date it will be sold the money being split between his mother and her

partner.‟”

“NO… I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS… I AM HER SON AND SHE LEAVES ME WITH

NOTHING…” My father was on his feet, his face puce, his eyes almost bugging

out of their sockets. The solicitor stopped and waited for my father to resume

his seat.

“My client left me with instructions to give you this letter sir, she felt you

would react this way…”

“DAMN RIGHT. I LOSE MY INHERITANCE TO THAT MISTAKE.” He pointed

down the table at me.

“My client felt you were harsh in your judgement of your ex-wife and son,

she of course knew about the affairs that you had before you met your current

wife as well as those afterwards, she felt that if you were given a large

inheritance you would probably cause more grief to those who love you.” My

father stood up and stalked along the table towards me, the man who had

intervened earlier, he was an uncle, rushed to restrain him.

“Now then calm down Simon, it‟s not your son‟s fault.

“That little bastard, he…” He turned and looked directly at me, “you little

bastard, you ruined my life once, now you‟ve done it again. You are no son of

mine. I am not your father and never have been.” With that he shrugged off

my uncles hand and stormed out of the room.

“Sorry…” My uncle followed him.





I sat for some moments stunned, my grandmother who I had never

knowingly met had left me a load of money and a house in the Lake District. I

was stunned. The solicitor was still talking but I didn‟t hear what he said my

thoughts were in turmoil, did my father mean I wasn‟t his son, or had he just

meant that he was disowning me. After some more talking Janice and Trisha

led me back into the main hall, it was nearly empty the rest of the guests

having left while we were finding out about the will. It was only four o‟clock but

I felt limp and wrung out today had been full of surprises for the most part not

good ones.









- 89 -

Chapter 14 – Don’t worry about a thing, ‘cos every

little thing is gonna be alright.

When Janice dropped me off later on she had a long chat with mum, when

mum came up to see me I could see she had been crying, for some reason it

made me angry. Why had she hidden a huge part of my family from me? Why

did she not tell me about dad? Even my cousin knew more about dad than me.

“Ross I‟m sorry…”

“Why didn‟t you tell me, I met dad he hates me, he says I‟m not his son…”

“I‟m sorry, I… I should have explained before… I didn‟t realize he hated you,

I mean he‟s made it clear before that he doesn‟t want any contact with us

but…” Mum was sobbing as I flung myself into her arms.

“Oh mum I feel horrible why was he so mean?”

“I don‟t know love, your grandmother always said he had to make up the

rift, but I didn‟t know he blamed us for the rift with his mother. We‟ll make the

best of it so don‟t worry.”

“Mum are you and Janice partners?”

“Yes we have been for years, we love each other.”

“Why doesn‟t she live here then?”

“Because we don‟t want to, we're happy seeing each other every couple of

weeks.”

“Does Trisha know?”

“Oh gods yes, she worked it out when she was 13 or so.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it was sweet she told us that she thought we ought to move in

together, she said she wanted two mothers, we nearly did, but in the end

decided not to. Ross are you very upset?”

“I feel weird, I mean dad‟s never been there so I don‟t really miss him but

there was always in the back of my mind this idea that he could be, you know

if I needed a shoulder or help with something I couldn‟t ask you. He could you

know step in, he would love me of course…” I stopped, grinning sheepishly,

“When he started shouting at me at first I thought maybe it was a mistake, but

there were loads of people who were muttering about Janice, so I realized that

I wasn‟t.

“That hurt, how could my own father hate me so much, how could he blame

me, say that I had ruined his life before, how could it be my fault?”

“I don‟t know love, he seems to have twisted it all round, neither of us were

angels when we split, it was messy but he made it clear he didn‟t want to know

- 90 -

about you at all.” We spent a little longer hugging as we both managed to stop

crying.

“There do you feel better now?”

“Yes mum. Right what do you want to do tonight?”

“Movie?”

“Well we could rent a video have pizza or something?”

“Yeah cool, can Jenny…”

“Nope just us, Jenny is having a sleepover, with her friends you're due there

tomorrow for a little party.”

“Okay, what shall we get then?”





In the end mum chose the films we watched Legally Blonde 1 and 2 back to

back, not my normal choice but quite good nonetheless, I was in bed for

eleven and asleep soon after, for a change I didn‟t have any weird dreams. My

alarm woke me at seven, I nearly got up before remembering it was actually a

Sunday and I didn‟t need to get up yet. So I lay in bed thinking about

yesterday, I was disappointed in a way, after all until yesterday I did have a

father no matter I never saw him, now he‟d made it clear that he wanted

nothing to do with me. On the other hand I had made a new friend in Jackie,

Jack, and as she knew about Ross I could be a little more open around her.

I must have dropped off again as the next thing mum was shaking me

awake, “Ross come on love you‟ve got to be at Jenny‟s for 11.”

“Morning mum.”

“Come on Ross we need to decide what to wear, hurry up and shower, then

we‟ll get started.” I had a good shower, it seemed like a good idea to shave

those parts of me that needed it so I did, I was glad I had when I saw what

mum had put out for me. The dress was knee length, with a slit up one side

almost to the waist, it was sleeveless on one side whilst the other had a cap

sleeve. It was in a deep purple fabric, mum came back in as I was examining

it. “Jenny‟s mum told me that not all the girls there knew you as Ross, so you

would be better of going as Rose.”

“I… Mum do you prefer me as Rose? I mean you seem to be quite happy

about me being her.”

“Ross I thought we had decided that it was easier this way?”

“I suppose so, but it would be nice to be Ross some times.”

“Sorry Love, I just thought you‟d be happy to go to the party, you can go as

Ross if you want, its just well, there‟s a whole load of Jenny‟s friends most only

know Rose.”

- 91 -

“Okay, I‟m cool, I just don‟t know about that dress, it‟s a bit um…”

“Here I‟ll help you with it, I bought it yesterday while you were at the

funeral, I hope it fits okay.” It did indeed fit but I felt weird in it until now I had

pretty much worn stuff that didn‟t really emphasize my femininity at all, okay

so I‟d worn a skirt twice but both times they were just skirts and not anything

special. I had even worn a sundress but I‟d felt ok, this dress was a completely

different league, the underwear with it was different too, I had a couple of

pairs of tights I‟m not overly enamoured of them they're not that comfy, and I

feel really stupid in them somehow. When I finished dressing I looked at

myself in the mirror and once again had trouble seeing Ross.

Mum had bought me a pair of strappy heels to go with the dress, I felt like I

was on stilts, mum got a fit of the giggles when she watched me practice in

them, finally I was ready to go, I must admit I did look good, too good for a

party at my friends house, but yes you‟ve guessed it, when I arrived at Jenny‟s

house we immediately decamped into the car to go out for the cinema and a

pizza.

“Rose you look gorgeous, told you she would come Kitty.” Sally greeted me

with a big hug.

“Okay so I‟m wrong, I don‟t mind.” Was Kitty‟s rejoinder Mabel just grinned

smugly.

“I think you look smashing Rose, is that a new dress?”

“Yes, Mrs…”

“Aunt.”

“Yes Aunt Cynthia, mum bought it for me yesterday, the whole lot, I feel

really silly.”

“I think Jenny‟s speechless in amazement.” Mabel teased. Jenny just stuck

her tongue out and gripped my hand tighter. The leisure complex we were

going to is just outside Skipton7. All the mod cons are there bowling alley,

Quasar, Cinema, McDonalds, Theme pub, Pizza Hut and a casino we were

meeting the rest of the girls there, so when we arrived there were nearly 12 of

us, plus my mum, Jenny‟s mum, and Sarah‟s big brother, who Sally says is a

hunk.

I knew all the rest of the girls some only by sight one but Jackie was there

too, I didn‟t know that she and Jenny were friends. I was definitely the

smallest even on heels Sally the largest, she had trainers. Holly was there she

was wearing a really nice pinkie-blue dress, and shoes just like mine, she



7

Okay so this complex doesn’t really exist but I would like it to.







- 92 -

walked on hers much better. For all of a minute I felt really jealous, then felt

slightly sick when I realized what I was doing.

The evening was a great success, I wasn‟t to keen on the film, I can‟t for the

life of me remember what it was called but it was a typical girly film starring

Brad Pitt and yes the others all fancied him, I found his leading lady more to

my style. When we went to Pizza Hut after the film we weren‟t the only party

there, the other party was all male and pretty raucous, I suppose they were all

older than us. We were fairly loud too particularly when Sally noticed several of

them staring at us, what I hadn‟t realized until Jenny mentioned was we were

all going to a dance after eating.

Jenny‟s mum works voluntarily for a youth support group, they run monthly

dances for teenagers, a different venue each month. This week it was to be

Skipton town hall, the adults in our group had dropped us off and gone to have

a meal together, they were then going to drive us from the leisure complex to

the town hall. Oh no!!!!!

Yeah you‟ve guessed it these boys were also going to the dance, I have

never been to a dance before in my life, certainly I had never intended on

going as Rose. Now I was going to a dance and a boy, who I was told was

smitten with me, would be there too.

The town hall was lit up like a Christmas tree with flashing lights, the DJ was

a local boy made good, he normally lived in Amsterdam but had come home to

help out, he‟d been given his big chance by the same youth group. My

favourite type of music is hard core trance, really deep stuff, I also listen to

dance and more common stuff but my main music is Trance, I recognized the

DJs name and made a beeline for the decks hoping that he would play some of

his own rare stuff. That was where Henry found me in deep discussion with DJ

Markus. “Rose your friends are looking for you.”

“Um hi?”

“Hi I‟m Henry I met you at Pizza Hut.” Yeah he‟d waved as I left.

“Oh I was just talking to the DJ, I‟m really into this sort of music.”

“Yeah I‟m a fan too, I really liked Nessaja by Scooter.”

“That‟s not really Trance that‟s dance but its quite good, I think my all time

favourite is Robon and Nevertheless, but I‟m quite fond of Quietman‟s

Sleeper.”

“Hey I heard that one once its pretty cool but I couldn‟t find it on CD. Have

you got it?”

“Yeah I could maybe get it for you.”

“So what else do you do?”





- 93 -

“I am into web design, I have a good computer, my mum is an IT consultant

so I got a really neat PC at cost. How about you?”

“I help dad on the farm, or mum in our shop. I like playing Championship

Manager too.” NERD ah well he had been sounding pretty cool for a boy!!!

“I‟m not really a games player, I play minesweeper now and then. So where

do you go to school?”

“I go to Giggleswick, Jenny told me you go to the high school, with her…”

We had been making our way back across the hall, we finally reached our

mixed group, Jenny grabbed my hand and introduced me to the rest of the

boys, they all went to Gig. They were all fifth formers all but Craig and Joshua

were day pupils. Jenny seemed pretty relaxed with the boys until Joshua asked

her to dance then she went really white and told him she couldn‟t dance.

Joshua went and pushed so she fled to the toilets, he looked really shocked I

tried to explain but I knew he didn‟t get it. Kitty and Mabel retrieved Jenny,

who had been crying she said sorry to Joshua, who acted like it didn‟t matter,

but you could see he was embarrassed. Henry asked me to dance then and I

stopped worrying about Jenny.

The dance floor was packed mainly with girls and one or two older boys, we,

actually I should say Henry quickly found us a spot and started dancing, I tried

to join in but felt so self conscious, I mean there I was dressed to the nines as

a girl, dancing with a boy who apparently liked me, and was I embarrassed

about my attire no. What embarrassed me was the fact I didn‟t know how to

dance, Henry did though he soon encouraged me to forget what the other girls

were doing around me and just go with the music. I quickly found that I was

enjoying his company, I was enjoying the music which was sadly wasted on

this crowd of know nothing teens, the DJ kept getting requests for really boring

dance tracks. So he would interrupt a thumping Hallucinogen track and play

something by Tina or Sharon or some daft remix of what used to be a really

good track. I just hoped that when he was working for real he didn‟t have to

put up with it.

We‟d arrived at the town hall at five thirty, the dance ended at eight, we

stopped for a drink and I went back to our little coven, the boys were mainly

dancing. Henry went for the drink I went to sit with Mabel and Jenny, Jenny

looked a little flustered but Mabel had obviously just stopped dancing.

“Enjoying your self Rose?”

“Yeah its good, though I wish he would play Nevertheless, I‟ll have to

remind him.”

“Is that one of your weird trance things? Rose listens to some really weird

dance music,” I pouted at her, “sorry trance music.” She smiled at me and

then waved at Holly and a girl called Jemima who is in Mabel‟s form. They



- 94 -

came and sat down too, Henry came back with my drink, water on the rocks,

he‟d got a coke, he sat down next to me and leant back sighing. “I can‟t

believe its nearly over.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah there‟s a clock by the bar it‟s nearly quarter to eight…”





“Hi guys „n‟ gals I‟ve just been informed by our hosts that we‟ve got to shut

up shop in a mo‟ I have a couple of shouts to urm shout:

“Phil from Embsay says I love you Charlotte.

“Danny from Skipton says are we going to mine or yours… Ooer!!

“Craig from Settle says word up to all his mates who came for his birthday

bash. Craig happy birthday.

“Lastly I have a shout from our hosts, will Debbie Turner please go… oh

that‟s not a shout, Debbie Turner your mum is waiting she says your late.” The

room erupted into laughter and a very red girl pushed her way towards the

back of the hall. “Right time for our last track of the evening, this is for a

young lady by the name of Rose, she‟s been really helping her best friend

recently. Both her best friend and her boyfriend requested that I play her

favourite track, sadly they don‟t agree on what it is so I‟ll play both as we just

about have time, the first is called Sleeper by Quietman we‟ll follow that with

Nevertheless by Robon…” I looked at Jenny who was grinning from ear to ear,

so wide I thought the top of her head would fall off. Then it struck me

„boyfriend‟ I turned to Henry “Boyfriend?”

“I didn‟t think you‟d mind. Er you don‟t do you?”

“BOYFRIEND?”

“You do mind I‟m sorry, maybe we could talk it over next Saturday we‟re

having a half term dance at school would you like to come?”





This time it was my turn to flee to the toilets in my panic I almost went into

the gents, but I bumped into a boy who pushed my in the „right‟ direction. I

found an empty stall and sat trembling for what seemed like only a fraction of

a second before Jenny and Kitty came to retrieve me.

Jenny helped me wipe the tears out of my eyes and to fix my makeup, Kitty

just sat on the counter by the sink grinning. “What‟s so funny, I‟m a boy, I

don‟t want a boyfriend, I can‟t believe that he wants me to be…”

“I‟ll tell you what‟s funny you're behaving just like a girl, I was watching you

before the DJ started talking you were leaning on him just like a girl, you may

not want to be a girl but you act like one.”



- 95 -

“Leave him alone, he can‟t help it…”

“Shhh, Kitty how would you like it if some girl started asking you out

wanting you for a boyfriend?”

“I‟d tell her to ask Jack.”

“You know what I mean.”

“You're right I‟m sorry but it was just so funny, and Henry is very sweet he

only met you this afternoon and already he‟s requesting tracks at the disco for

you.”

“Well I‟m not so sure, I mean if he wanted to get to know Ross I‟d be cool

with it you know but Rose is not real really, what happens if he gets serious

and wants to kiss and cuddle I‟m not sure I could do that, I‟m not into boys. I

prefer girls…” I grinned at Kitty and suggestively licked my lips which was

unfortunate as another girl came in at that moment. We both blushed and

started laughing. We exited the toilet just as Sleeper was coming to an end.

“So who‟s the lucky girl? Jenny?”

“Jenny‟s my sister, well sort of, I like you but I think if I had to ask someone

out it would be Holly.”

“Holly?”

“Thanks. I love you too.” Jenny sounded annoyed, oops.

“But I don‟t need to ask anyone I have Jenny already.” She put her arm

round me and grinned.

“Thanks.”





“Rose I‟m really sorry, I didn‟t mean to upset you like that, I just didn‟t think

you‟d mind.”

“It‟s okay I‟m just not ready to date yet. But thanks for the dance it was

fun.” I realized that I meant it, weird.

“Look we‟ve got to go our minibus is here but maybe we‟ll see you round

sometime?”

“Bye.”

“No Craig I can‟t come back with you Jenny‟s mum would kill me, you‟ve got

my number ring me I‟d love to go dancing again.” The boys hustled off Craig

eventually letting go of Sally who went very red when she realized we were all

staring at her.

“Sally‟s got a boyfriend.” Jemima said we all laughed. We chatted as we

made our way out to the steps at the front of the town hall, Mum was our

designated driver, I assume both Jenny‟s mum and Sarah‟s big brother had



- 96 -

been drinking but the people carrier is easily big enough for all of us, it actually

belongs to the church but we‟d hired it for the evening.

We chatted all the way home, only Jack, Sarah and I were going home the

others were spending another night at Jenny‟s then we‟d all get a bus into

school tomorrow together which would be fun. We dropped Jack at the end of

her lane. She would get a lift with her mum in the morning, then the rest were

dropped off at Jenny‟s, I got several hugs and a kiss from Jenny. I think if the

night had been warm I might have set fire to the people carrier.

“Did you have a good time?”

“Yes mum, most of it was great.”

“I thought you‟d like it, did Jenny have a good time?”

“I think so, she freaked out when a boy asked her to dance, but I know she

isn‟t comfortable with boys.”

“Except you, did you dance with her?”

“No.”

“No? Why not?”

“Um,” bugger, “I was dancing with Henry. Um a boy I met there.”

“You were dancing with a boy, was he nice?”

“Mum…”

“Well was he?”

“I suppose so, I dunno when I wasn‟t thinking about it he was great but

when I thought about Ross I got really upset.”

“And let me guess you had to run to the toilet and powder your nose?”

“Yeah, how did you guess?”

“I did just the same when I was a girl.”

“Mum I‟m not a girl, I mean Henry thinks I am… But I‟m a boy really even if

it is a nice dress.”

“Sorry, Rose I‟m really proud of you, not just the thing with Jenny but how

well you're coping as Rose, I know you're not too happy but you do seem to be

mainly enjoying yourself.”

“I don‟t know sometimes I‟m really into it, I mean sometimes at school I

almost forget I‟m Ross too, and tonight Holly had a really nice outfit on and for

a moment I was jealous of her, so yeah sometimes Rose is more real than

Ross and other times I really hate her she‟s taken all of the things Ross likes

and made them her own, no-one knows Ross. I wish that I‟d never had that

silly bet with Jenny, if I hadn‟t then I wouldn‟t have ever had to be Rose.

But…” I stopped and felt at a loss.



- 97 -

“But?”

“I wouldn‟t have found out about Jenny and her brother, so they would still

be at it with that little girl. Sometimes even when I‟m Ross people think I‟m a

girl, at the funeral yesterday some people thought I was called Roz they

assumed I was a girl, well until dad started shouting anyway.”

“So Rose isn‟t all bad then?”

“No. most of the time she‟s cool just sometimes I wish I could ditch her.”

“But your not happy being mistaken for a girl are you?”

“No… mum when will I get the results of the tests back?”

“Should be anytime now really, are you worried?”

“Yeah, at the moment I‟m hoping that I can hit puberty soon so I can grow a

beard no-one will think I‟m a girl then will they?”

“No, what will you do about school?”

“That‟s difficult but if I come out as a boy and everyone can see I‟m one

then it‟ll be okay I reckon, Jenny‟ll still be my friend and I bet the rest of our

gang will too.”

“Ross what will you do if you aren‟t going to hit puberty soon or… ever?”

“I dunno, I suppose I can be Rose all the time but I don‟t know I want to,

why did the doctors tell you something?”

“No but I did some digging around on the internet, you aren‟t that unusual

you know one in every 15000 boys have gender problems like yours.”

“Really? How do they cope?”

“Most end up taking drugs for the rest of their lives to make the right

hormones needed, some manage as they are, some go the other way, take

female hormones and turn into girls.”

“Well I‟ll just take the drugs that‟ll turn me into a boy then, if I need too.”

“I‟m sorry Ross but if you need to you won‟t be able to at all, the main drug

is a steroid…”

“One of the ones I‟m allergic to?”

“Yes.”

“What‟ll I do mum, I don‟t want to be Rose for the rest of my life.”

“It might not be that bad, we‟ll wait until the results shall we?”

“Yeah I suppose.”









- 98 -

Chapter 15 – It’s Life Jim but not as we know it, not

as we know it, not as we know it…

We didn‟t have to wait long the results arrived on Tuesday, all in all I

received three letters on Tuesday, one was from Sheila to arrange an

appointment, the second was from Gran‟s solicitors regarding my inheritance

and the last were my results. In a way they weren‟t that bad, none of the

nasty things that could be causing my gender neutrality were, however my

masculinity was indeed limited to my penis I didn‟t have any testes at all,

there was some indication that I might have a proto vagina, but there would

need to be further tests done to ascertain that.

The letter from the solicitor was much more fun it told me how much money

I had sitting waiting for my eighteenth birthday, nearly £150,000, and as it

was all in safe stocks and shares it would probably earn more before then I

also had five thousand pounds in a bank account that I could access

immediately, Gran had set that up as she knew it would leave me less tempted

to try and break into the stocks and shares. Lastly there were direction on how

to get the house in Keswick, there was a housekeeper who would be paid by

the estate who would keep the place going, but I had overall charge of it, well

mum did until I was 18 then it would be mine to do with as I wished.

The letter from the doctor didn‟t worry me it was to do with the test results

Sheila wanted to discuss my options with me. Other than those three letters I

thought the week went quite well, on Friday night I came home from school

and quickly changed back into Ross for the first time in two weeks, well except

for the funeral, Mum was with a client, the front room was full of computer bits

and I was rather hoping to earn a bit of extra pocket money building PCs up

over the weekend, there was a letter propped against the pasta jar on the

counter, it was addressed to Rose so I opened it.

It was from a company called Madeline, I read it once then not really

believing it read it again. Madeline is a modelling agency, they had seen my

work and wanted to know if I would be interested in work that one of their

clients wanted me to do. They were writing to me as I didn‟t have an agent

who could look after me. I have to say I was shocked, modelling for the

museum was one thing this was real modelling. I didn‟t know what to do, so I

waited for mum to reappear from wherever she had gone.

I was upstairs working on some homework when the door bell rang, I

cautiously went downstairs and looked through the peephole, outside there

were three men wearing suits, I put the chain on the door like mum always

said I should, and opened it cautiously, “Hello son, I‟m DI Witherspoon these

are my colleagues DC Marksson and DC Jones, can we come in please?”



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“Hang on,” I said pushing the door shut and reaching for the chain, then a

piece of film I‟d seen ages ago made me stop, I opened the door again, “can I

see your ID please?”

“Look son we haven‟t got time for this, it‟s about your… your mum, y‟ see

she‟s been in an accident, we‟ve come to take you to the hospital.” I was torn,

on one hand mum should have been here and wasn‟t so they could be telling

the truth, on the other why wouldn‟t they show me their ID. “What‟s happened

to mum, where is she?”

“Look kid if you open the door we‟ll take you to her, come on son open up,

you‟ll be fine we‟re police officers.”

“I can‟t open the door, this chain thing is locked and I don‟t have a key.”

“Don‟t be so stupid you silly boy, now open this door before we kick it

down.” DC Marksson said apparently losing patience. Hoping they would wait I

slowly fumbled with the chain, they all stepped back obviously thinking I was

giving in as soon as DI Witherspoon took his foot away I slammed the door

shut and turned the key in the dead bolt. Then running as quickly as I could I

ran to the backdoor and locked that too.

When mum started running her business from home she made sure all of

the ground floor doors and windows were secure after all she had tens of

thousand of pound in equipment in the house normally, at the moment due to

the big order there was even more. I just hoped that the front door would

hold, I ran back past it, it was shaking I didn‟t dare try and put the bolts on. I

tried the phone in the hall but it was dead, my mobile was upstairs so I ran

upstairs. As I reached the top of the stairs I heard a crash, then a splintering

sound “…ow get…or open…” they‟ed managed to get in somehow, I didn‟t know

what to do, so I went into mum‟s room and hid under the bed.

Mum‟s bed is one of those high ones with cupboards underneath, however if

you pull out one of the drawers you can climb in behind then pull the drawer

after you, I was just in time as pounding feet came up the stairs. “Find the silly

little twat.”

“Don‟t fucking start, Liam, we should have just walked straight in the door

wasn‟t even locked. But oh no the great Liam has to pretend he‟s a pig…”

“Shut the fuck up Brian, find the little cunt.”

“He‟s not here, I checked downstairs nothing, there is some sweet computer

kit though.”

“Mark you‟re an idiot when we have the little fucker we‟ll be able to buy

whatever computer equipment we want.” The three men had been

systematically searching the other rooms now they came into mums room,

“Jesus what a mess", I heard them banging around, I was trying to keep



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totally quiet, hardly breathing, I thought they‟d got me when the pulled the

drawers of the bed out. Luckily for me they didn‟t look behind them.

Then my phone rang, I‟d almost forgotten I had picked it up in my panic,

now the theme to the A-Team pinked and peeped out into a sudden silence. I

pressed the call button and pressed it too my ear. “Hello love it‟s mum…”

“Mum there are three men here, they have broken in and are trying to get

me, help.” I said in an urgent whisper.

“Shit he‟s under the bed quick get him out and shut him up.” I looked out as

two faces appeared upside down and a hand tried to grab my leg.

“Hurry mum please, they‟ve found me.” I dropped the phone and braced my

self. The one call Brian I think he must have been DI Witherspoon was now

crouching besides the bed he reached into the space I hiding in and grabbed

my foot. “Leave me alone.” I kicked out with my other foot and knocked his

hand loose.

“Fucking get out of there you silly fucker we‟ll have to hurt you if you don‟t.”

He grabbed my foot again this time though he managed to grab my other foot

when I tried kicking him loose.

I grabbed one of the uprights under the bed and braced myself as best I

could. He pulled and I hung on, I found that I was starting to slip, just as my

fingers lost the last purchase, and I was pulled out from under the bed. There

was an almighty crash from the front of the house. I started screaming Brian

thrust me at one of the others who grabbed me by the hair, shoved something

into my mouth then covered my lips with a piece of tape. Then he took both

wrist in one hand and followed the other two out of the room. I was sobbing

and still struggling but it was a lost cause he was bigger and stronger than me.

Halfway down there stair my captor stopped and let go of my wrists, I

stumbled off balance and nearly fell down but managing to stop myself I raced

back up the stair wondering where else I could hide. From downstairs there

came shouting and bangs and clattering, then it all went quiet, I heard a

steady tramp of feet climbing back up the stairs just before I could wet my self

mum called “Ross where are you?”

“MMMMPH!” I shot to the top the stairs and into her arms we stood and

hugged for, well it seemed a long time, finally she put me down and started

easing the tape off my face, “Oh Ross I was so worried, are you alright?” I

nodded as the tape came away and she pulled the sodden pair of panties out

of my mouth, eugh.

It took sometime for me to calm down eventually after the police surgeon

had looked at me mum put me to bed.







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16 - Yesterday All My Troubles seemed so far away…

When I woke up, I lay for ages trying to remember what had happened, it

seemed hazy almost unreal, even by the time mum came in to get me up I

was unsure as to the events, had some men tried to kidnap me? I didn‟t know,

mum however did so that was cool.

“I can‟t believe the gall of the man.”

“Who?”

“Your father, he was behind those three idiots last night,” she sat down on

the edge of my bed and put her arm round me. “I‟m so glad you‟re not hurt, I

was so scared.”

“Why did…” I wasn‟t going to dignify him by calling him dad, “he send them,

to kidnap me?”

“I brained one with the shovel and Brian wrestled one to the floor, um the

other one escaped, but the police found a ransom note on one of them they

would have left it behind when they took you.” Mum stopped I could feel her

arm shaking in time to her sobs, I sat up more fully and returned the hug









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