THE SMART BOOK

FOR MUM AND DAD Basic tips for the parents of young children (from birth to the age of three) THE SMART BOOK Republic of Serbia Ministry of Health Paediatric Association of Serbia Public Health Association of Serbia Published by: UNICEF Belgrade Publisher: Judita Reichenberg Editor: Oliver Petrovic, a specialist in Early Child Development, UNICEF, Serbia This handbook was compiled by a team consisting of Vesna Janjevic Popovic, Mari Braein (child development), Oliver Petrovic (child health and nutrition), and a writer of books for children, Jasminka Petrovic, who took all the professional texts and turned them into a readable and interesting book in her typically charming and simple way. We owe special thanks to a group of experts Professor Milos Banicevic, Dr Ljiljana Plavsic, Dr Ljiljana Sokal Jovanovic, Dr Dusica Matijevic, Dr Goran Mitrovic, and to Andjelka Kotevic and Sonja Marinkovic (qualified nurses), for their outstanding contribution in the section on child health and nutrition. We wish to thank all the health visitors for reading the working version of this handbook and improving its practical application through their vast experience. We are grateful to all our women colleagues at the UNICEF Office in Serbia who, in their double role as experts and parents, offered critical and inspired suggestions, thereby enhancing the quality of this book. Thanks are also due to the parents who were our last check before the book went into print. Their comments, questions and dilemmas added vitality and relevance to the book. On the technical side, we owe a special debt of gratitude to Dobrosav (Bob) Zivkovic for outstanding illustrations that always coaxed a smile and created a happy atmosphere. Then language editor Sheila Margaret Sofrenović for her professionalism and rare talent in choosing just the right words to explain some aspects of childcare. Our thanks are likewise due to Konstantin I. Petrovic, a designer who managed to place words and pictures in complete harmony, and to Jadranka Milanovic, UNICEF communications officer, who ensured that this publication’s visual identity was in accordance with UNICEF standards. This English version was developed in 2009 with the support of the UNICEF Regional Office for CEE CIS, Geneva. 2 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD The Smart Book for Mum and Dad Dear Parents, C ongratulations, you have a new baby! You are overjoyed and a little bit anxious: “How will I manage in this new role? Will I be a good Mum? Will I be a good Dad?”… Quite normal reactions. And before you can answer, the baby starts crying. What is he trying to tell me now? Is he hungry? Is my milk good enough? Is he suffering from colic? Lots of questions, and plenty of people around you to give advice: Grandma, a female neighbour, a woman friend, a man friend. All of them are well-wishers, all of them would like to help by sharing their experience and knowledge, each of them has advice on what is best for your baby. But how can you be sure it’s the right advice? We were not taught anything like that at school. Without attempting to offer solutions to all the situations in which you may find yourselves, we have tried to answer the most important questions and dilemmas you might have in the first years of your child’s life. We have tapped into the experience of mothers and fathers all over our planet and gathered knowledge from those whose job it is to take care of young children. The result is a large package of information, from which we have extracted the most important facts that we now want to share with you. For example, we now know that stimuli in the first three years of life are the most important factor in the child’s entire development, that clear rules on behaviour and praise (never spanking) are most important in the child’s upbringing, that breastfeeding is the only food and drink that should be given to the baby in the first six months… This, and much more (basic) information on childcare in the first three years, on growth and development, proper nutrition, the prevention of injuries to children and childhood diseases can be found in this handbook. All the more reason, therefore, for you to take the time to study these tips. The knowledge you gain and the love you feel are the best investment in your baby’s health and development. And a broad smile and the look of contentment on your baby’s face will be a sure sign that all of you are on the right track. Judita Reichenberg UNICEF Area Representative for the Republic of Serbia and for the Republic of Croatia THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 3 4 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Contents 1. Parenthood The joys and concerns of parenthood 8 2. Children’s growth and development Baby’s development and care in the first six months Baby’s development and care from six to twelve months Children’s development in the second year Children’s development in the third year 14 36 47 56 3. Communication Principles of good communication 66 4. Disciplining the child Say hello to your Auntie 76 5. Child safety Accidents can be prevented Accidents happen Until help arrives 86 89 90 6. Care of sick children Respiratory infections Diarrhoea 100 104 7. Stress and loss 8. Appendix Protecting children against stress 112 Child development chart Growth chart 117 124 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 5 Parenthood 1. Dear Mum and Dad, You have no idea how lucky we are that we got you as our parents. We feel safe and relaxed with you. We know that no wicked witch is going to attack us and carry us off forever. When we are hungry or thirsty, we don’t have to scream and call you for ages. You will feed us even in the middle of the night. We like it best when you change our clothes and nappies. While you are dressing us in clean clothes or putting on a nappy, we can look at you, listen to you and chat with you. Thank you for being so patient and gentle as we all look for the right opening in our little sleeve or leg. We don’t know whether you actually enjoy taking us for a walk, but we love it. Each time, we discover something new. A leaf on a tree might be a simple thing for you, but for us, it’s a miracle – its colour, its shape, and how it quivers in the wind… We like listening to you while you are explaining something to us, while you are talking to us, while you are singing or reciting a little rhyme. And we like it best of all when you babytalk us and praise us. You really are wonderful parents, but things can always be that little bit better, so, we’ve decided to explain to you how we develop, what we feel, and how we think. You’ll find out what we like and what we don’t like.. You probably know some things already, but others you may be hearing for the first time. Don’t panic and blame yourselves if you’re not always good at everything. What matters is that you are patient and in harmony with each other, for you’ll find it easier and more interesting if you read our messages together. Love, Luke and Maya The joys and concerns of parenthood UN Convention on the Rights of the Child Article 7: “The child … shall have the right from birth to a name… the right to know and to be cared for by his or her parents”. Article 18: “Both parents have common responsibilities for the upbringing and development of the child. The best interests of the child will be their basic concern”. P - arenthood is a wonderful and important experience in life, although a very demanding task too. From the first moment you take your baby in your arms, your life starts changing. Quite new feelings emerge, feelings you could hardly imagine before. These feelings are difficult to describe as the bond between parents and their baby is personal and unique. You will probably be excited and happy, but also a bit confused and afraid. Different questions will run through your head: Will I recognize what the baby needs? Will I be able to manage? Will I know what to do? What message is the baby sending me? It is difficult to answer these questions, as there is no single, right way to raise a child. On the other hand, this does not mean that all ways are equally good. The better you understand your child, the easier you will satisfy her needs. Try to understand your child’s behaviour, thoughts and feelings. You will not go wrong if you take loving care of your child. To start with, get to know each other. 8 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD LUKE: For nine months I listened to your voices and tried to imagine what you looked like Now. I’ve finally got both picture and sound. You cannot spoil your child with love and attention. As you get to know your baby, so she is getting to know you. Based on your facial expressions, movements, tone of voice and words she is discovering your feelings and attitudes, and getting used to your behaviour day by day. She is gradually adjusting to the family’s daily routine and to living together. However, there will be moments when you will lose your control, patience and temper. The challenges of everyday life might make you doubt yourself. You will be haunted by the thought that you are not a successful parent and that the skill of parenting is slipping away from you. Mood swings and occasional crises are quite a normal occurrence in parenthood, but it is essential to overcome such situations as soon as possible. Do not blame yourself. Relax. Share your feelings with your partner, talk to him about your dilemmas and fears. Learn parenting together with your child. Enjoy each of your child’s smiles. Be gentle and attentive to your child and to each other too. The more pleasant moments you share together, the better equipped you will be to understand and overcome moments of crisis. Parenthood is a great responsibility and a responsibility that should be assumed by both parents. Father’s role in raising the child in the first few years of life is very often neglected in our country. In our modern world, Father is becoming an increasingly important figure. It’s no longer enough to bring home a salary, food, clothes… THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 9 LUKE: Daddy, you have to be very careful with grandmas and aunts, even with the women next door. You know, they have an incredible capacity for snatching the care of babies from their fathers. Before you can turn round to take a fresh nappy, Grandma has already changed me and taken me for a walk! Dad’s support is indispensable to both mother and baby. Mum may be tired, in need of sleep, sometimes probably confused and frightened of this new life. She is still feeling the after-effects of the birth, she is getting used to breastfeeding, she is getting to know her baby’s needs, and she is probably worried about whether she will be a successful mother. Fathers, try to imagine how she is feeling. Take on part of the housework. Be tender and caring towards her. Your support is crucial for her. A rested and contented mother will be a better companion to both you and the baby. Dad’s love and encouragement are important for the child’s development. Children whose fathers have been actively involved in care of the baby since their birth, are better achievers at school, are more mature, and have fewer behaviour problems. Fathers are equally important for both girls and boys. Don’t wait for your daughter to reach girlhood to find out what kind of role model you have been in her life. Don’t wait for your son to grow up before playing football with him. Pick up your baby, play with him, and take him for a walk… The more time you dedicate to your child, the more successful your child’s development will be, and you will be even more strongly attached to your child. Development of a healthy and united family ready for the challenges of life starts here. 10 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 11 Children’s growth and development 2. Dear Mummy, At first, I wasn’t sure what was Luke doing in our family. Beside you, Daddy, Auntie, Grandma, Grandpa, and Yeller, Luke seemed to be a totally unnecessary ‘extra’. But, I must admit that I’ve slowly been changing my mind. Every day he gets sweeter and smarter. I sometimes ask myself how I managed without him before. If you only knew what fun we’ve had today playing together. I laugh, he laughs. I stick my tongue out and he sticks his out, too. I say aaaaaa, he repeats aaaaaa after me. I tell you, he’s so clever! He’s already learned to hold a rattle. When I let him choose between an old and new toy, he always chooses the new one. I think he LOVES my rubber teddy bear. Whenever he sees it, he starts waving his arms and kicking his legs in the air. If I hide it behind my back, he immediately becomes sad and almost starts to cry. He likes the bear so much that I am thinking of giving it to him. Anyway, I’m too big for rubber toys. I can hardly wait for Luke to grow up and play hide-and-seek. I’m fed up with making Daddy hide around the house. Besides, when he hides under the blanket, he immediately falls asleep and then I have to get Yeller to help me wake him up. I have to stop here. Luke is calling me to play. I want to teach him to “show me your clever little head”. Love, Maya Baby’s development and care in the first six months LUKE: You know, Mummy, I could hardly wait to be born, but I must say I’m a bit baffled now. Everything is so big and new to me. I’d like to learn about all these interesting things around me, but I soon get tired and fall asleep. Luckily, when I wake up, you are beside me so everything is easier for me. As soon as I recognize your smell or hear your voice, I feel MORE confident. Mummy, I’m so happy to have you! The environment in which the baby grows T he temperature in the room in which the child lives should be between 20º and 22º C. Observe your baby’s habits and based on these design a daily routine of activities and sleep. A newborn baby sleeps about 20 hours a day, but the sleeping time decreases with age. The room in which the baby sleeps should be well ventilated and protected against noise, bright light and contaminated air. Never allow smoking in the room in which the baby spends time. Raise the dropside of the crib while the baby is in it. Do not cover the sides with blankets or other overlays so that air can circulate freely. Move pillows, stuffed toys and plastic boxes away from the crib. Make sure that the toys hanging above the baby’s head are fixed firmly. It is important that the baby cannot reach up and grab them. Never leave your baby alone on the changing table or in an unfenced bed. He can turn over and fall in no time at all. Your baby’s clothes should be simple, pleasant, comfortable, and made of natural materials. Bath your baby every day. Bathing improves the skin and has a beneficial effect on circulation, breathing, functioning of the nerve cells and on his health in general. Never leave your baby alone in the bathwater or near it, even if the water is quite shallow. 14 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Do not leave balloons, plastic or paper bags near the baby. If a child puts them on his head, the airflow can be interrupted and he might suffocate. Babies and young children can swallow coins, beads and other small objects. Popcorn, sweets, peanuts, chewing gum, etc., should be kept out of the reach of young children. Throw away sharp-edged toys. Remove toys with tiny parts to prevent the baby from swallowing them. Nothing should be put around the baby’s neck (bands, ribbons, necklaces, little chains, etc.). Every now and then, wash the objects the baby plays with. Take your baby out regardless of the season. In this way, the child’s general condition, appearance, appetite, sleep and mood are improved and resistance to infection strengthened. MAYA: We’re not going out today, it’s snowing! LUKE: Who cares if it’s snowing? We’ll take a snow brolly! In the first days of a baby’s life when everything is new for you and your baby, a health visitor’s help is invaluable. She will show you how to bath your baby, how to make sure that the environment in which the baby is cared for is pleasant and safe, she will give you advice on nutrition and hygiene and help you maintain care of your baby’s navel. Take the health visitor’s advice, use her knowledge and experience, and ask her anything that interests you. Take down her phone number and that of your paediatrician and ask for their advice whenever you are in any doubt about how to care for the child. Guess how I’m feeling! From the very beginning, infants show different feelings in various ways – facial expressions, looks, voice, movements… Very soon, they learn to control their emotions (they turn their heads away from objects that frighten them and soothe themselves by sucking their thumb, etc.). As early as three days after birth, infants can imitate joy, surprise and sadness. So pay attention to the message your baby is sending you. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 15 Your baby is unique. Watch her closely. Baby’s sounds, facial expressions and movements will tell you a lot about her needs. Some babies are easy to pacify and some are more difficult. There are babies who have no trouble sleeping, and others who would rather stay awake. When you learn what your baby likes and dislikes, you will find it easy to satisfy her needs. Don’t wait for the baby to start crying in order to tell you something. Stay close at hand and try to discover how your child is feeling. Find out what calms your baby when she is upset. Is it your voice, milk, water, a hug, a lullaby? Or all of these put together? Your baby’s tears are not your enemy but an important signal that helps you understand your child. Do not just stop your baby’s tears. Try to find out what caused them. The sooner you react, the sooner your baby will calm down. MAYA: Mummy, how do you turn Luke’s sound off? Didn’t they give you a remote control for him at the maternity hospital? MUM: Maya, there isn’t a remote control for babies. MAYA: So how are you going to turn him down? MUM: Like this, look! If a baby’s crying, take him in your arms, lean him against your chest… and you’ll feel his heart beating Sometimes, the baby may suddenly become upset, start crying inconsolably, tensing or lifting his little legs, and breaking wind. This indicates colic (stomach cramps). Colic occurs most often between the first and fourth month, and usually indicates that the baby’s digestive system is developing or that something in the food the baby is taking does not agree with him. The pharmaceutical industry has developed a whole range of teas and other “therapeutic” agents, which supposedly soothe the colic. None of these “cures” has been proved effective and most of them disrupt the established breastfeeding rhythm. You will help your baby best if you pick him up, lay him across your knees facedown, and gently massage his back. In this way, his little stomach will be under slight pressure, which reduces the pain. Remember that colic stops naturally after the fourth month. 16 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Mummy, Daddy, look what I can do… The pattern of development is the same for all babies, but the rate at which it occurs varies from child to child. Some babies may be weeks behind other babies at the same age, while others may be several weeks ahead of their peers. With a newborn child, you can distinguish innate reflexes and spontaneous uncoordinated movements. Some reflexes are important for survival (e.g. suckling), while others are the basis for various skills that develop later (e.g. taking those first steps). Most reflexes disappear during the first 6 months of the child’s life. A child’s motor control develops quickly. First, the baby learns to control the movement of his eyeballs, then those of the neck (in the third month, he raises his head while lying on his stomach), and, finally, of the whole body (at about six months old, he can sit with support). The baby first masters the movements of his shoulders and elbows, and only later the fine movements of the fingers. The baby has an inherent reflexive grasp, which disappears in the third or fourth month. He later learns how to release his grip on objects or drop them. LUKE: Maya, I’d like to let go of your hair, but I still don’t know how to do it. In the second and third month, while lying on her back and watching some object, the baby is making undirected movements. In the fourth and fifth month, she observes an object and firmly holds a toy in her hand. In the fifth month, the baby moves both hands closer to the object and touch it. In the sixth month, she can hold an object in each hand. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 17 Your baby is exploring the world around him From the moment of birth, the newborn baby’s senses function well and are mutually coordinated. A baby does not have to learn to see, hear, smell, feel touch, or taste. These abilities are innate. The baby just needs experience. Sight As soon as he was born, the newborn baby had a developed sense of sight. If you hold him in your arms, he can see your face. He can distinguish colours and contrasts (light and dark), but he is not yet able to notice fine detail. When only two days old, most infants recognize the shape of their mother’s face and they recognize their mother’s whole face around the eighth week. When the baby is in a good mood, he will be like imitating his mother sticking her tongue out. Babies prefer looking at human faces to watching objects, pictures, patterns, etc. Six-month old babies remember new faces very well. If they stare at a person’s face for two to three minutes, they will probably remember it a few weeks later. Hearing The infant turns his head and eyes towards the source of sound. The newborn can distinguish his mother’s voice. When the baby hears a pleasant sound, he will calm down and his face will brighten. When the newborn baby hears other babies’ crying, he often begins crying at the top of his voice. The upset baby will be quickly pacified by his parents’ gentle voices. A baby can be calmed down by your heartbeats when you lean him against your chest, and his crying can be stopped if you sing a soft lullaby. Lullabies around the world have a soothing effect on infants. MAYA: Daddy, you sing fantastically, but they’re football fans’ songs. I think Luke would prefer a lullaby! 18 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Touch Sensitivity to touch develops immediately at birth. Newborn babies respond positively to touch around the mouth, on the palms of the hands and on the soles of the feet. Infants are more sensitive to stimuli that are lower than body temperature than higher. Like you, infants are sensitive to pain too. Gentle touching is important for both the physical and emotional development of babies. So caress your baby as often as possible! While holding your baby in your arms, support the neck until the neck muscles develop. Smell and taste Infants have a well-developed sense of taste. Immediately after birth, babies can recognize a sour taste while sensitivity to salty and bitter flavours appears between the fourth and sixth month. Mother Nature has set in place a system whereby babies reject unpleasant flavours and enjoy sweet, nourishing ones. Of course, babies like breast milk best of all. A well-developed sense of smell helps newborn babies learn more easily and quickly about the world around them. Immediately after birth, babies recognize their parents by smell. This fact lies behind the belief that newborn babies should be put to the mother’s breast immediately after birth and in their father’s presence as well. Newborn babies develop their senses during breastfeeding, bathing and changing. For this reason, it is important to be as calm and relaxed as possible at such moments. Babies do not like being suddenly lifted up, being touched with cold hands, an unexpected loud noise, hurried nappychanging, or removal of support. MAYA: Mummy, see how many centimetres Luke has grown since I hugged and kissed him. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 19 Intellectual Development The intellectual abilities of infants are greater than previously thought. Infants are able to understand the simple relationship between cause and effect as early as ten weeks old. When your baby is two months old, she usually chooses a new object rather than a familiar one. This ability is very important as it helps the baby to become aware of her environment. The baby perceives an object by looking at it and touching it. If an object is not close to her, the baby does not think of it. However, as early as three to four months, the baby begins to understand that objects exist even though they are not in her field of vision. The most important element in the overall development of a child is stimulation (reading, singing, playing) and parents should begin these activities from birth. Talk, sing and recite rhymes to your baby. Imitate your baby’s facial expressions and the sounds she is producing, as this is a good way of starting a “dialogue” with the baby. Study your baby’s body “language” and see what attracts her attention and interests her in her surroundings. Placing objects and toys around her provides a very important stimulus for the baby. Objects put within the baby’s field of vision help her to look at them carefully, feel and touch them. But babies are more interested in your face than in any of these objects. The way you smile and talk while holding her will be the most effective stimulus for your baby. Soon, your baby will try to smile back. This is one of the key steps in learning communication with other people. Look who’s talking! Children are born with the capacity to learn all the languages of the world. Around the sixth or seventh week, the baby starts cooing. He coos when he is feeling good or when you are talking to him. By the third month the baby begins to babble and imitate certain sounds. The more you talk to your baby and the more carefully you listen to him, the better his speech will develop. Talk to your baby while doing everyday chores. Bend down close enough so that your baby can see your face and catch your eye. Babies like lullabies, tongue-twisters, counting rhymes and any song with a strong rhythm and pleasant tune. Even if he does not understand it, your child will sense your message. 20 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD LUKE: Guuuu... MAYA: I’ll translate what he said for you: “Mummy, thank you for singing me “Husha-bye, Baby” seven times. I don’t want to be a nuisance because I know that you’re sleepy too, but it would be great if you could sing it at least another eight times. You know, I really like that lullaby VERY MUCH. Oh, and one more thing… I love you VERY MUCH. too. Let’s play! Sense and sensory motor development enable the baby to gradually explore the world around him (he sucks his thumb, tries to kick something, grabs the toys hanging above the cot, etc.). Visually, the baby learns to follow objects, people and sounds. The baby enjoys playing with his body and watching his reflection in the mirror. As their new motor functions develop, so babies learn how to handle objects. They experiment with sounds and exchange coos with their parents. A baby needs interesting objects and a safe, clean room to play in. Watch your baby play and encourage him. Play with your baby yourselves. The baby will enjoy your voice, touch, smell. Touch your baby’s forehead with your finger; follow the contour of his nose, tickle him behind his ears, take hold of his arm or leg. Watch his reactions, Talk to him in a calm voice. Name each part of his body you are touching. Repeat the games your baby loves and invent new ones that your baby will enjoy. Do not miss the pleasure of playing with your baby – in a few years’ time you will miss those lively movements, smiles and little arms sticking out of the cot. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 21 GRANDPA: Well done, Luke! You’ve won twenty points! Now we move to the second level. Rattles with different sounds, soft toys, balls, large building blocks, rubber toys that make a sound when squeezed, musical boxes, etc. – all of these are suitable toys for babies. Turn your baby’s bathtub into a sea – throw seashells, starfish, plastic fish, and toy ships into the water… And remember: never leave your baby alone in the bathtub! LUKE: Daddy, is there any continent that hasn’t been discovered yet? I want to find it. While outdoors, let your child touch a flower, tree, leaf, or stone. Let him discover his feelings with his own two hands. Anything around can be used to learn a new experience. What’s on the menu today? Nutrition is one of the most vital factors in a baby’s growth and development. There is only one recommendation for healthy and proper nourishment of a baby during the first six months: 22 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Breastfeeding Breast milk is the healthiest, best and cheapest food for babies in the first six months of life. LUKE: While we were waiting for our appointment at the doctor’s, some babies told me that their Mums don’t breastfeed them, but give them formula from a bottle. I was really surprised. I thought that all babies drank breast milk. I can’t even imagine what it’s like drinking from a rubber teat instead of Mum’s breast. All recommendations related to breastfeeding can be summarized in a few simple tips: - Put your baby to the breast immediately. Nurse your baby in the first hour after birth. That is your right and that of your baby. The nurses and doctors are responsible for helping you to exercise that right! - Breastfeed your baby only (adding no other food or liquid). Nurse your baby on demand. - Keep breastfeeding into the second year too, along with suitable complementary nourishment. In order to follow these “golden rules”, DO NOT: - give any liquids or food except breast milk in the first six months of life, - restrict the number of feeds or limit the duration of “active” breastfeeding. Giving your baby a dummy does not help breastfeeding. On the contrary, this might “confuse” the baby and “spoil” the established nursing rhythm. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 23 The most common mistake in feeding babies during the first six months. is adding water, tea or other liquids. Mother’s milk is rich in essential nutrients, minerals and vitamins that are perfectly acceptable and digestible by the baby. Like any liquid, a high percentage of breast milk contains water. Therefore, the baby should not be given water or tea during breastfeeding or immediately afterwards. GRANDMA: You must be thirsty, sweetheart. Drink a little tea, come on… LUKE: Ugh! What a con! I want Mum’s milk! Mummmmmmy!! Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world, but it can be hard at the beginning. Until you establish a breastfeeding routine with your baby, until you master this skill together, you will need time and patience, sometimes even the professional assistance of a health visitor or paediatrician. The advantages of breastfeeding for babies Mother’s milk is a good natural protection against a large number of infections and this lasts as long as the baby is suckling. Breast-fed children seldom get stomach and respiratory infections, and rarely fall ill with cancer, diabetes and some other illnesses, unlike children fed otherwise. Their psychomotor, emotional, social and intellectual development is more stable. Breastfeeding protects children from becoming overweight later on. The advantages of breastfeeding for mothers Women who breastfeed recover quickly from childbirth. Postpartum depression is less frequent. Breastfeeding often postpones the resumption of menstruation and reduces the risk of breast and ovarian cancer. A firm emotional bond is established between mother and child and their 24 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD relationship takes on a better quality. Mothers who breastfeed are more mobile as they always carry the baby food with them! The advantages of breastfeeding for fathers DAD: This breastfeeding is great! Imagine me running to the kitchen now, switching on the hotplate, boiling bottles, heating the milk, cooling it if it’s too hot, pouring it into a bottle ... The advantages of breastfeeding for everybody Instead of preparing meals for the baby, you will be able to play with her. Besides, natural nourishment makes big savings in the family budget. Society benefits from breast-feeding, too, because healthcare expenses are reduced (the breastfed baby falls sick less often, so there are fewer visits to the doctor and fewer outlays on medicines). A few practical tips You should nurse your baby in a sitting position (the baby is in your arms, and you lay her on your forearm and palm) or in a lying position. Just before you start breastfeeding, make yourself comfortable and relax. The baby may be calm or animated, but she should not be crying. Where necessary, you may breastfeed your baby in a standing position. Hold your baby’s head. The nipple should fill the baby’s mouth so that there is no free space and it should not move (when your baby is latched onto your breast properly, the nipple will not look flat or squeezed after nursing). THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 25 LUKE: Lucky you, eating at the table in company! I can hardly wait to join you! MAYA: Lucky you! What I wouldn’t give for Mum to breastfeed me again… The baby is not well positioned if her mouth is fully open, if her lower lip is turned outwards, if her chin touches the breast, if she is sucking and pausing alternately, and/or if she makes a loud sound swallowing the milk. If you experience pain in your nipples during and after breastfeeding or if your milk ducts are blocked and your breasts hard, these are also signs that the baby is not suckling properly. How often and how long should the baby be breastfed? - In the first week the baby wishes to suckle every three hours, every two hours, every hour (and maybe more often), all in all, each baby has his own rhythm of nursing. - To ensure continuity of milk production and feeding, night feeds are especially important. The baby himself stops asking for night feeds spontaneously, most often after the third month. - Fall in with your baby’s rhythm. Do not wake your baby up to feed him! - The usual breastfeeding pattern in the first months is eight to twelve times over 24 hours. - The baby himself decides on the length of the breastfeed. - Babies usually suck for 10-30 minutes from each breast. - Forcible interruption of breastfeeding is not good for the baby. - Too long or too frequent feeds may be a sign that the baby is suckling incorrectly. 26 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD If your baby is sleepy during breastfeeding, raise him to a more upright position. Loosen his arms and legs, massage him gently and talk to him. If the baby goes on sleeping… LUKE: Wait for half an hour, then try again. You should neither restrict the duration of active breastfeeding nor add some other food or liquid (above all, avoid bottles with teats). LUKE: And another thing – it’s not good to weigh the child before and after breastfeeding! It may happen that the baby refuses the breast. Possible causes for this are the baby’s or mother’s anxiety, pain due to an uncomfortable position, or being given a dummy. If your baby refuses the breast, help him overcome the problem. Hold him quietly, close to your breast, and do not make him take the breast longer than a few minutes. If the baby starts to cry and resist, stop trying to breastfeed him and try some time later, when he calms down. Do not hold your baby in the breastfeeding position while he is being given an injection or when he is exposed to some other painful action so that the baby does not associate this position with the sensation of pain. Until the baby starts suckling again, you should give him milk you have expressed from your breasts (in a teaspoon or from a glass). THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 27 MAYA: Mummy, shall I give Luke a dummy? MUM: No. Dummies may confuse the baby as they create quite a different sensation from breastfeeding. And the main thing for the baby is to drink his mother’s milk. MAYA: Can I give the dummy to Yeller, then? Mum’s Corner. Breast care Wash your breasts with water only. The use of soap, lotion, oil, cream or vaseline may be harmful. Do not wash your breasts immediately before breastfeeding to prevent washing off the natural protective oils and scent by which your baby recognizes you. If your breasts remain painful, sprinkle some of your milk on them and expose them briefly to the air. Bras are not needed (a tight bra can block the milk ducts), but you may wear a bra. This should be made of cotton and the correct size (synthetic bras restrict airflow to the nipples). Blocked milk ducts and hard breasts Most frequently, milk ducts become blocked when the baby is not feeding effectively. If this happens, make sure that the baby is latched onto your breast properly and that you let her suckle whenever she wants. Blocked milk ducts make your breasts hot and painful and the skin taut and shiny. When there is a serious blockage, milk is not produced. If this happens, apply a cold flannel to the breasts between feeds. Before nursing, put a warm flannel around the nipples to stimulate milk flow and express a little milk to help your baby latch onto the nipple properly. After the feed, again apply a cold flannel to your breasts. If breastfeeding does not help reduce the blockage and tautness, you should express your milk between feeds. 28 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Sore nipples Breastfeeding does not hurt. If you put your baby to the breast correctly, you should not feel pain while he is sucking. Soreness of the nipples may disappear when the cause of the soreness has been discovered (the baby is attached to the breast incorrectly, the baby does not suck often enough, the baby does not latch on properly, etc.). In addition, after breastfeeding you can sprinkle your milk over the nipples to relieve the nipple tissue. Put a warm flannel on your breasts before breastfeeding to encourage milk flow. Start feeding on the less painful breast. If your baby falls asleep during the feed, remove him from your breast. Do not limit the number of feeds. Should you have any trouble or hesitation concerning breastfeeding, ask your health visitor or paediatrician for advice. Seek professional assistance until you are sure you can continue breastfeeding. Vaccination, it sounds so important! LUKE: I know those vaccinations are important, but I’d love to skip at least one. But I know it wouldn’t happen with you around. If somebody woke you up in the middle of the night and asked you which vaccines Maya and I have been given, you would have the right answer at your fingertips. Immunization or vaccination is the fastest and most economical measure to prevent suffering and death from serious contagious diseases. Vaccines help children build up protection against infections. An unvaccinated child can easily fall ill from measles, whooping cough, and some other diseases. Children who survive these diseases may become sickly or develop more slowly. Vaccines are only effective only if given to a child before he falls ill. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 29 All children, including children with special needs, should be vaccinated. Vaccination is administered either by injection or orally (through the mouth). The effectiveness of vaccination depends on the healthcare service, but to a great extent on you yourselves. LUKE: Are there any vaccines that are never given? MAYA: When I grow up, I’m going to invent a vaccine in the form of icecream. LUKE: Wow, I can’t wait for you to grow up! The immunization schedule in Serbia is similar to that of other European countries and is equal to other European systems in every way. Compulsory vaccination is free and is administered in healthcare centres and maternity hospitals. Vaccination protects not only your children but other children as well. Babies are vaccinated immediately after birth. The first is the BCG vaccine, an anti-tuberculosis vaccine. At birth, children get a hepatitis B vaccine. Later they receive another two doses (one month and six months after the first dose). When the baby is two months old, he gets his first doses of vaccines against poliomyelitis (polio), vaccines against diphtheria, tetanus and whooping cough, as well as vaccines against haemophilus influenza type B (a bacterium which often causes respiratory and other serious health conditions in babies at this age). For full protection of the child, these vaccines are given twice more, usually at six-week intervals. According to the immunization calendar, children get more doses of vaccines against these diseases (so-called revaccination). On your first visit to the doctor, ask for a copy of your baby’s own vaccination card. Entering data in the child’s personal vaccination card, i.e. your personal record of the immunization carried out, will allow you to monitor your child’s state of health and remind you when to take your baby to be vaccinated. 30 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD If, for any reason, the baby does not receive all the required vaccines in the first year of life, it is very important that vaccination be carried out as soon as possible. Coughs, diarrhoea, a slight temperature or some lighter ailments are not reasons for your baby not to be vaccinated. If the baby is undernourished, if he has some physical injury or some other developmental impediment, protection against the most common contagious diseases is also necessary. If the doctor thinks otherwise, insist on a specialist opinion and vaccinate your child anyway. Some undesired effects may appear after vaccination, though rarely: temperature, rash or minor swelling. These are short-term temporary symptoms, which, with your care, regular nourishment and additional liquid, disappear without any harmful effects on the child’s health. If these occur, (intensified) breastfeeding is especially useful. LUKE: Mummy, are you a fairy? As soon as you take me in your arms, I get over everything. Now admit it, where are you hiding your magic wand? If undesired reactions to the vaccine do not disappear within two to three days, take your child to the doctor. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 31 Wash your hands before and after meals… Household waste (from bathrooms, kitchens, laundry-rooms, stables, etc.), contains bacteria, viruses and intestinal parasite eggs. They are the causes of contagious diseases (hepatitis, typhoid fever, dysentery, etc.). Contrary to conventional wisdom, babies’ and young children’s excrement contains bacteria and viruses. It should be handled in the same way as adult faeces. Solid waste is a breeding-ground for flies and also attracts rodents, which are the carriers of many contagious diseases. It is therefore important to keep rubbish in suitable containers with a lid or in tied plastic bags. Do not forget to wash your hands after taking out the rubbish! MAYA: Mummy, is it hygienic to cook beans with a knee–sock? (hock) Household cleaning agents (detergents, bleach, insecticides, etc.), like medicines, should be kept away from food and out of the reach of children. Keep food and drink in a clean place. Cover it and protect it from flies, insects and rodents. It is best to keep food in the refrigerator, freezer or in airtight containers. Check the shelf life, appearance, smell and taste of food. Throw away bad foodstuffs immediately Wash raw food thoroughly before you start cooking it. Cook meat for two hours at 100ºC. Keep cooked food at either a high (60+ ºC) or low (-10 ºC) temperature. Heat food cooked earlier to a high temperature until bubbles appear. Regularly clean the work surfaces on which you prepare food. 32 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Washing your hands is the most vital and simplest measure of personal hygiene. It prevents the spread of disease. Wash your hands with soap and water: - Before and after preparing food - Before and after eating - Before and after changing nappies - After using the toilet - After handling a child’s potty - After handling rubbish - After touching animals MAYA: So do I have to wash hands before I touch Yeller? Baby teeth There are a lot of stories about teething, and also quite a few unknown facts. Primary (deciduous) teeth most often come out between the fifth and seventh month, although this may vary a lot. They may appear in the first month or even after the first birthday. Most often, the lower central incisors come through first, followed by the upper central incisors.While the teething process runs smoothly for a certain number of babies, it may be very dramatic for others. Parents are upset because their baby has diarrhoea, a temperature, she cries, she is irritable and refuses to eat, or she has trouble sleeping - a whole range of symptoms that are due to teething. And it is true that even doctors argue over whether these two events (teething and the symptoms mentioned here) are inter-related. To ease your baby’s discomfort temporarily, you may give her some clean, hard, safe object and she will put it in her mouth at once. Some people recommend giving small doses of painkillers. This can be very dangerous – you should not forget that every medicine has side-effects and you are never sure when they will appear. It is not recommended to give medicines without a paediatrician’s approval. What is important to know is that these are all temporary symptoms, which will disappear very soon without any ill effects. However, do make sure you write down in your baby’s diary when and how her first tooth came out. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 33 Remember: • A baby’s senses function well from birth. • The intellectual abilities of infants are greater than previously thought. Infants are able to understand the simple relationship between cause and effect as early as 10 weeks old. • Breast milk is the healthiest, best and cheapest food for babies in the first six months of life. • Put your baby to the breast immediately after birth. • Breastfeed your baby on demand. • In addition to food and security, a baby needs love to grow and develop properly. Cuddle your baby, sing to him and talk to him. You cannot spoil your baby with love and attention. • The more you talk to your baby and the more carefully you listen to him, the better his speech will develop. • A baby’s tears are not your enemy but an important signal that helps you understand your child. When your baby is restless, soothe him with your presence, a hug and loving words. • Play with your baby. • The most vital and simplest measure of personal hygiene is washing your hands. 34 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD • Take your baby to be vaccinated – in the first six months, the baby is given the first vaccines against tuberculosis, polio, diphtheria, whooping cough, tetanus, acute hepatitis B and against haemophilus influenza type B (a bacterium causing serious infections). • Fathers’ participation in raising children is equally important for both girls and boys. Don’t wait for your daughter to reach girlhood to find out what kind of role model you have been in her life. Don’t wait for your son to grow up before playing football with him. LUKE: Let’s swap places now. Let Dad take me and you, Maya, go and sit on Mum’s lap MAYA: And, where will the guests go? LUKE: Well, home, of course. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 35 Baby’s development and care from six to twelve months I n this period, the baby continues to make extraordinary progress. Almost every day brings something new. Fathers, watch out! If you go off for a few days on a business trip, you may miss the moment when the baby starts sitting, crawling… At this age, the baby is eager to grab and touch everything that he sees, but he cannot do it without your help. He makes various sounds and throws his toys around to get your attention. As soon as you appear, he will forget what he wanted in the first place. He will focus on you – laughing, waving his little arms and imitating your facial expressions and the sounds you make. At this age, a baby quickly gets bored even with the most intriguing toy, but he will never tire of your attention. Guess how I’m feeling! Even at the beginning of this period, your baby learns that you are unique and does not want to be separated from you. Separation makes her feel helpless and frightened. When she is left alone with a person she doesn’t know very well, the baby may be anxious and afraid. It often happens that the baby bursts into tears or even screams. She thinks that you have left forever, even though you may only be in the next room. This stage of anxiety over separation (particularly separation from the mother) usually disappears between ten and eighteen months, although it may continue into the second half of the child’s second year. These reactions show that your child has a developed awareness and a healthy relationship with you. It is a good sign that she is capable of emotional bonding, which is an important skill in later life. 36 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD MAYA: Mummy, never ever leave me alone! No matter if somebody is playing or not. MUM: Don’t worry, sweetie, I’m always here. React without hesitation to your baby’s signals (crying, smiling, cooing…). This will make her feel carefree and secure. Mummy, Daddy, look what I can do… - During the sixth and seventh month, babies begin sitting. - In the eighth month, they are able to sit and rock forwards and backwards. If necessary, they can reach out, pick up a desired object, and move back to the sitting position. - As they can now sit, then they should be fed in a sitting position. - Between the eighth and twelfth month, babies can sit unaided and can crawl. - In the tenth month, the baby manages to sit and lean sideways and she can stand while supported. - At one year, most babies can stand and walk holding on to something. If they like crawling, babies can be highly mobile and move fast. These newly-mastered skills should be exercised for short periods only. If your baby has just learned to sit up, prop her up with pillows or cushions. Baby explores the world around him New objects help your baby develop his exploratory skills. The older the child is, the more he likes objects and toys that can be opened, closed, assembled, dismantled, pieced together…The objects around your baby should be full of warm colours and various shapes. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 37 Children are very inquisitive. They cannot recognize danger. These little explorers need a lot of encouragement. Respond to the signals your child is sending. If he wants to touch something, help your child do so, provided, of course, it is safe. Objects and toys must not be too small (the baby may swallow them), nor too big (the baby may hurt himself). Move all potentially harmful objects out of the reach of children (medicines, disinfectants, small, fragile and sharp objects, etc.) and let the child crawl. When the child starts crawling, you should kneel down yourself to make sure that the room is safe from the baby’s perspective. In the sixth month, the child first touches an object, and then grasps it with his whole hand. In the ninth and tenth month, the child holds the object with its fingertips and thumb clearly separated (the pincer grasp). Encourage your child to grip various objects. Pass him a cup, a toy –objects which are not fragile and which are suitable for the baby’s age. Play with your child (Bye-bye,Baby; Pat-a-cake; Give me the ball), leaf through picture books… Teach your baby what he can do with an object: grasp it, throw it, open and close it, put it on top of another object, bang it against another object. At this age, the baby puts everything he can lay his hands on into his mouth. Of course, you will not let you baby put in his mouth any objects that might affect his health (small, sharp objects and the like). Wash all objects and toys before giving them to the baby. MAYA: You see, Luke, in this picture I’m stretching out my arm… but in this one, I’ve caught my teddy bear… in this one here, I’ve thrown my teddy bear… in this picture, I’m taking my teddy from Mummy… in this one I’m throwing my teddy again, and then Mummy claps her hands and says “Well done!”. LUKE: Just look how many photos you have! MAYA: I only have photos, but you have me. 38 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD When your baby is about nine months old, he is able to follow your finger when you are pointing at something, and he himself will learn how to use the same skill. By pointing at an object, he is inviting you to discover the world together. Eye contact with you will no longer satisfy your baby. He wants you to look at the same thing together. Your facial expression will tell the baby whether something is scary, funny, or sad. This will help your baby to learn about the world around him more easily. Look who’s talking! When your baby is between four and seven months old, he will respond to his own name and to the word “no”. He can distinguish emotions by the tone of voice and he responds to sounds by making his own sounds. Babies discover the wealth of sounds they can produce with their tongue, palate and vocal chords. They practise making these sound combinations endlessly, in much the same way as they practise grasping objects or rolling over. The sounds ma, ta and ba very soon will develop into mama, tata (dada) and baba (nana). During the first year of life, all infants babble. But for babbling to develop further, infants must hear human speech. The baby realizes the principle of communication – while he is speaking, you are listening, while you are responding, he is listening. DAD: Just look at our Luke babbling away in foreign languages. Baby’s words will delight both you and your children. With his first words, the child may show a richer fund of gestures: shaking his head, pointing at something/somebody, imitating the no-no caution, clapping his hands, etc. Help your child learn how to express his feelings. Listen carefully to what your child has to tell you and respect his wish to communicate with you. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 39 Lets play! In the first year of life, infants are also ready to play different games: hiding and showing their faces, searching for a hidden object, mimicking your actions, imitating animal noises, and so on. MAYA: If you can’t find your teddy bear, take Daddy. You can see that they’re the same. LUKE: Good idea. Only I’m not sure he can fit into my cot. Toys made of different materials, of various colours and shapes are indispensable for a child’s development. Suitable toys include toys that are mobile or produce sounds. Toys where changes can be made, pull-andpush toys or toys into which something can be inserted are particularly interesting. Make a little house of pillows, cushions, covers and blankets so that the child can hide inside and play. Children may play with the most common household objects (boxes, clothes pegs, plastic cups, etc.). When in the open air, let your child play with leaves, fir cones, chestnuts, apples, and flowers – these will help him learn colours, smells, shapes, appearance, size, roughness, etc. LUKE: And now, Daddy, open this box for me to see what’s inside! 40 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Play with your child and help her focus her attention. For example, I’ll show you how to open this box, and then you will try on your own. Look through picture books and assemble jigsaw puzzles together. Give your child tasks that are slightly more difficult than the task she already knows. If you are doing something, keep telling your child what you are doing. Children are always fascinated by what adults do. What’s on the menu after the sixth month The introduction of complementary food depends on the baby’s development, state of health, circumstances, cultural habits, etc. Complementary food is introduced on the advice of your paediatrician based on these and some other factors (the household budget, time of year, and the like). Begin complementary feeding from the sixth month onwards. In addition to breast milk, you can introduce some other foodstuffs, which provide additional energy and nutrients. At this age, the baby is usually teething, so she is able to chew, swallow and digest solid food. Food for infants should be: high-energy (as infants grow fast, they need additional energy) easy to digest (mashed food) fresh and clean easy to prepare Complementary feeding begins with semi-solid foods such as mashed and pureed fruit, vegetables and cereals. The consistency should be thick and food should be given twice a day, with a spoon from a small cup. In our climate, it is best to begin with a vegetable puree (about 20 g of potato or carrot, boiled and mashed with a little oil, 5-8 g). A fruit mash means pureed apple, pear, peach or apricot. Seasonal fruit and vegetables are the healthiest food. The baby can take fruit in the form of a puree or freshly squeezed juice. You can give your baby mashed cereal (for example, mix 10-15 g of boiled rice with breast milk). THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 41 Introduce new foodstuffs gradually and in small amounts (one or two teaspoons at a time). Give only one type of food for a week. In this way, you will find out easily and quickly which foods your baby likes and dislikes. By introducing increasing amounts of milk-free food, the daily amount of milk for the baby is gradually reduced. In the seventh month, the child has four to five breastfeeds and in the twelfth, at least two breastfeeds. LUKE: Since I’ve mastered breastfeeding like a real champ, I’ve saved up some money for a bike. DAD: What do you need a bicycle for when you haven’t even learned to walk. LUKE: Time flies! I’ll be all grown up in two shakes of a monkey’s tail and what am I going to ride then? There’s no way I’m going to ride Maya’s pink tricycle! In the seventh and eight month, introduce meat broth and meat into your baby’s diet, in addition to mashed food. For easier digestion, use young, non-fat meat (lamb, chicken, veal). Meat is rich in proteins, vitamins and minerals (vitamins A, D and K, B vitamins, Folic Acid, Iron and Zinc). Eggs are also a good source of proteins. An egg yolk is more nutritious than an egg white. Eggs are introduced in the baby’s diet gradually. You should start with one eighth of a hard boiled yolk, mixed with milk. If the baby shows no allergic reaction, the following week you may give her one quarter of the yolk. Every successive week, increase the amount by one quarter. By the end of the eighth month, rye or wheat bread and biscuits are introduced. In the ninth and tenth month, your baby’s nourishment includes new food: cauliflower, pumpkin, lentils, spinach, cheese, yoghurt, white fish meat and a strong meat soup. The child now eats by herself, sitting in her chair at the table with other family members. 42 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD In the eleventh month, introduce peas, beans, cabbage, onion and minced beef. You can now add a little salt in the food. In the twelfth month, your child should be eating all the basic foods, but, of course, not under compulsion. Foodstuffs can be divided into four basic groups: 1) cereals (rice, wheat, maize, rye, barley, oats) and cereal products 2) fruit and vegetables 3) meat, fish and eggs 4) milk and dairy products For children to develop properly, it is important that their meals contain foods from these different groups. For example, you can prepare a meal combining the following: - sweetcorn + spinach + carrots + chicken - rice + veal + spinach To ensure healthy child development, food must contain enough proteins, vitamins and minerals. The best source of proteins is meat. Aside from fruit, vitamin C is also present in leafy vegetables, tomatoes, capsicum peppers, and potatoes, while calcium and iron are present in spinach, lettuce, carrots and pumpkin. Unfortunately, foodstuffs may lack some vitamins and minerals essential for the proper development of infants (e.g. iodine, iron, fluoride, zinc, and vitamins A and D). Paediatricians recommend a daily supplement of vitamin D drops for babies (200 to 400 IU)1 in the first year, to prevent rickets. Dentists recommend fluoride pills for 6-month-old babies (0.25 mg daily) to prevent caries. Paediatricians prescribe the appropriate treatment for anaemic children (anaemia is diagnosed at medical examination when the baby turns 6 months). In any case, the problem of possible vitamin and mineral deficiency should be addressed individually and any deficiencies noted should be corrected exclusively on the advice and under the supervision of your paediatrician. 1 Guidelines of the American Academy of Pediatrics THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 43 Due to the possible occurrence of allergies in the first year of life, children should not be given the following: fresh tomatoes, strawberries, raspberries, blackberries, oranges, lemons, grapefruit, tangerines, kiwis, honey, yeast, walnuts, almonds, hazel nuts, peanuts, chocolate cream spreads, egg white, shellfish, tinned fish, and all food containing preservatives. A healthy diet largely depends on the child’s eating habits and behaviour. It is precisely at this age that children acquire the correct eating habits. Your baby will often give you different signals, so observe them carefully. The baby’s negative experiences (hunger before starting to eat, choking during eating, vomiting after eating, etc.) may result in his rejection of food long after the problem has been eliminated. This usually creates a vicious circle – the baby refuses food, recalling a former unhappy incident, you go on forcing him to eat, and the end result is the child’s even more adamant refusal to eat. As soon as you alter your behaviour, ignoring the child’s negative reactions and praising the positive ones, you break the chain and re-establish a harmonious relationship. During the period of complementary feeding, children wish to eat unaided. In the course of the meal the child plays by throwing his food all over the place… GRANDMA: … and over my glasses too! Don’t stop this game. Instead, try to encourage your child to feed himself. This is a very important stage in developing the child’s independence and self-confidence. Your task is to teach the child through positive example (how to sit properly at table and how to use cutlery correctly). 44 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Let your baby: decide by himself how much he will eat choose his food eat together with you have three main meals by the end of the first year – breakfast, lunch and dinner - get meals at approximately the same time - have a snack between meals (if the snack reduces his appetite for the main meal, it should be left out) Food should not be diluted with water because then the baby does not experience the natural taste of the food. While eating, the baby should be sitting comfortably in his chair. She should be fed solid and mashed food from a plastic teaspoon (not a metal one). Switch off the radio and TV during the meal. Talk to your baby. Do not rush him – babies eat more slowly than adults . Do not limit the intake of liquid. Avoid heavy meals before going to bed. Regularly clean your baby’s teeth as soon as they come out. LUKE: Maya, give me a bit of that chocolate to taste! MAYA: No way, you can see I’ve got only two pieces. Anyway, you’re too small to eat chocolate. LUKE: Give me back my toys, then… You’re too big to play with them. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 45 Remember: • Cuddle your baby, sing and talk to him. • Never leave your baby alone. • The more you talk to your baby and the more carefully you listen to him, the better his speech will develop. The baby realizes the principle of communication – while he is speaking, you are listening, while you are responding, he is listening (we adults seem to have forgotten that principle). • A baby gets bored quickly, even with the most attractive toy, but he will never tire of your attention. Play with your baby. • In the sixth month, babies begin to sit up. • You should breastfeed your baby on demand. • Begin giving complementary food in the sixth month, but do not stop breastfeeding. • The baby should be first given a puree made of vegetables, fruit or cereals. • Washing your hands is the most important and simplest measure of personal hygiene. 46 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Children’s development in the second year I n this period, big changes take place. The child starts to walk and talk. All of a sudden, he goes on his own wherever he wants. MAYA: No, I won’t say no! I won’t, I won’t, I won’t! Guess how I’m feeling! In the second year, your child more and more often says No and I won’t. At this stage, the child’s no does not indicate disobedience but the need to express her feelings. For example, you are in a hurry and your child refuses to stop building a castle and get moving. She does not do this out of spite, to make you late. This is not how she thinks. Your child simply cannot understand why she has to stop playing when she has not finished his masterpiece. Children of this age can put a name to many objects, but they still cannot describe feelings. If they cannot name their own feelings, they certainly cannot name those of other people. Children want to be independent, but you cannot always allow them to do whatever they want. In protecting them from different dangers and teaching them the basic rules of behaviour, you often say no, don’t, you mustn’t, nono, etc. Children are unable to understand all of your intentions, so they THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 47 get discouraged. Since they cannot verbalize their feelings, children start crying, screaming or throwing themselves on the floor. It is your job to help the child express her feelings in a constructive way. For example: You are probably mad because you have to stop playing. I suggest you to take your building blocks with you and continue building the castle as soon as we get to Grandma’s house. But now we have to leave. This approach provides a good foundation for successful conflict-solving throughout their life. MUM: Your tantrum is a bit late today! MAYA: I decided to skip this one, but you’ll get a double dose tonight. At this age, children become increasingly interested in their peers. They often imitate the behaviour of their playmates. Their attention span is short. At first, they play happily together but very soon arguments break out, usually over toys. LUKE: Why is Mummy arguing with that lady? MAYA: I don’t know. Sasha wanted to grab my little spade, so I hit him on the head. Then we made peace and built this castle with a moat together. LADY: Your daughter started first! MUM: My daughter certainly didn’t start first. Your son did! Never smack or punish your child for hurting another child during play. Physical punishment teaches children bad behaviour. 48 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD At this age, children have a limited idea of what is good and what is bad. This means that they do not fully grasp the concept of rules or warnings. You may say, If you pull the cat’s tail, she’ll bite you, but the toddler will not understand the real implication of such a warning. So, whether they are refusing to go to bed or turning away from a loving kiss, they are not deliberately behaving badly. They are simply acting on the impulse of the moment. It will take years and years of firm but gentle guidance before they can fully understand what is expected of them. And it depends on your reactions whether some behaviour will disappear or appear more often. Mummy, Daddy, look what I can do… Between the twelfth and eighteenth month, infants begin standing and walking on their own. While walking, they practise keeping their balance. As they master obstacles, they develop a feeling of confidence. It makes them happy when they learn to walk backwards or carry several toys at one go. They begin to run, kick a ball, and get down from a bed or an armchair onto the floor. They can climb upstairs on their own, but they can only come downstairs helped and supported by adults. Children are tireless walkers. Move the furniture aside so that your toddler can walk freely through rooms with no risk of hurting himself. To develop various movements in children, the following games are recommended: hide-and-seek, find the object, ball games, and jigsaw puzzles. Games requiring the child to insert or fit pieces together are especially useful. Children need different kinds of toys: big ones, small ones, and toys that can be squeezed, pulled, pushed or carried. Toys need not always be bought nor need they be expensive. Find a plastic box with rounded edges in the kitchen and you will see that your child finds it just as interesting as any costly toy from a shop. It is important that you keep stressing the appearance, colour and size of everyday objects. For example: Look! (we catch our child’s attention) What’s that? (we arouse our child’s interest) It’s a cup. (we name a new object) It’s your blue cup with the little flower. (we enrich our child’s vocabulary with new words). THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 49 The child explores the world around him A child explores corners, tastes new flavours and gains new experiences through touch. MAYA: Experiment 475. If I drop a plate full of soup, what will hit the floor first, the plate or the soup? Exploration is indispensable for a child’s development. When your toddler drops a toy, do not scold him. In this way, he is discovering the principle of free fall. It is your job to provide him with a safe research lab! By exploring, the toddler learns that the world is an interesting place. Look who’s talking! In exploring the world around him, your toddler will be able to learn new words day by day. Therefore, it is no wonder that between the eighteenth and twenty-fourth month, children’s vocabulary increases rapidly. At first, they talk telegraph-style putting two words together, like Mummy gone. By the second year, however, sentences are becoming longer, more complex and more understandable. Toddlers learn more easily when things make sense to them. Since their need for speech is growing in both play and everyday life, it develops more quickly. Having mastered words, the toddler begins to think differently. He can even imagine something that is not there, near him and can use his knowledge in the game of make-believe (toddlers feed dolls with empty teaspoons or rock their teddy to sleep). Toddlers imitate the intonation of adult speech. Talk to your child, answer his questions, listen to him while he is talking, and read to him. The toddler will copy you by saying the sentence in a shorter form. When you repeat children’s sentences, feel free to add new words. For example if your toddler says, “There, Grandma!” you can say, “Yes, Grandma is coming.” 50 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD At the same time, try to understand what the child does not express in words but in gestures (hugging, cuddling, kissing, making fists, stamping on the floor, etc.). Also, try to read what is written on the child’s face. How to encourage speech development? - Talk and read to your child as often as possible. - Try to recognize the language of gestures. For example, if your child brings you his shoes, say to him: Would you like us to go out? - Teach your child rhymes by children’s poets. - Imitate your child’s babbling and vocalization. - Name the objects around you. - Play with him: Where’s your clever little head? (point to his head) Where does Bunny drink water? (make a cupped hand) Let’s play! At this age, various functions are developing: standing, walking, catching with the fingertips, etc. Therefore, play is based on functional abilities. Games with object are becoming more and more complex. Toddlers can classify objects by quantity (one – many), by size (small – big), by colour (red – yellow). In the second year toddlers begin playing symbolic games – they pretend to cook, eat, go to the doctor’s, rock their dolls to sleep, and travel. Although toddlers begin to notice other children of the same age, they most often play alone. Suggestions on games to play: put an object into a magic bag. Let toddlers guess what is inside. During the game, use make-believe hats, bags, cars, airplanes, etc. You can use other materials for creative activities: sand, water, dough, plasticine, paints… Play games with rhythmic movements and singing (Here we go round the mulberry bush, Run, rabbit, run, Prick, prick hedgehog!). Children love games involving squeezing through an obstacle, climbing and running. They like games with sounds and speech: the melodic repetition of words, chanting, building sentences. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 51 AUNT: Let’s play make-believe and pretend we’re in a plane or in a car? MAYA: No, let’s play for real, in a sweetshop! The beginnings of drama are born at this age. Toddlers can connect several different actions: we are doing the shopping, we are cooking lunch, the postman is coming, we are visiting someone, etc. Objects in games acquire new meanings. Toddlers find it amusing to combine objects and learn their characteristic features. What’s on the menu today? After the first year of life, the speed of growth and body weight gain slow down. The need for energy and proteins is reduced and a number of toddlers eat less than in the nursing period. This is quite normal and you need not worry. MAYA: Now, how do I explain this to Grandma? 52 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Older toddlers eat more solid food and drink less milk. It sometimes happens that they prefer eating one kind of food to another. So it is a good idea to offer them a variety of foodstuffs. Ideally, they should eat meat or fish, vegetables, fruit, bread or other starchy food. At this age, the toddler may eat the same as other family members, i.e., combined food from all four basic groups of foodstuffs. Warning: If your toddler has been eating only one type of food, some deficiencies may occur in her organism. Children not taking enough milk, dairy products and meat may experience a shortage of calcium, phosphorus or iron. If there is too much milk in the toddler’s diet, a lack of iron and zinc may result. Here are some practical tips on how to balance child’s food intake: If your child refuses milk: - give her some warm milk (cold milk may cause pain if the toddler is teething) - let her sip the milk through a brightly-coloured straw - let her pour milk into a cup on her own - prepare cereals (rice) with milk for her - offer her sour cream, cream dessert, yoghurt, cheese, milk dessert If your child drinks too much milk: give her milk only after the meal exclude milk between meals (give her only juice and water) THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 53 If your child refuses meat: - prepare finely chopped, puréed, soft chicken or turkey for her - give her fish or eggs If your child refuses fruit and vegetables: - make her mashed potatoes with milk - offer her finely chopped, fresh or stewed fruit and vegetables - put fresh or stewed fruit in cereals, jelly, ice-cream or pudding If your child refuses bread and cereals: - give her warm (not hot) cooked cereals - add fresh fruit to cereals - offer her toast with butter If your child eats too many sweets: - limit your child’s intake of sweets - offer her natural sweets (fruit) - do not give sweets as a reward for good behaviour MAYA: Mummy, if chocolates grew on trees would they be fruits? 54 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Remember: • Big changes – the child begins walking and talking. • Children are tireless walkers at this age and have a constant need to walk. Arrange your furniture so that your toddler can walk freely without hurting himself. • Your child’s vocabulary is increasing fast. Talk to your child, answer his questions, listen to him when he is talking, read to him. • Certain aspects of your child’s behaviour may appear spontaneously, disappear or may be retained. Your child’s actions will be influenced by your approval, disapproval or disregard. • Children often express their feeling by saying no and I won’t. At this age, the child has a limited idea of what is good or bad. Verbal and physical punishment is harmful for child development. A clear explanation of what to do, firm rules for don’ts and praise – these are all essential in a child’s upbringing. • Monitor your child’s growth • Have your child vaccinated against measles, mumps and rubella. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 55 Children’s development in the third year I n the period between two and three years, children are becoming more and more independent. Now that toddlers have become more developed, we should not forget that they are still young and that they still need care and attention. Guess how I’m feeling! This age is characterized by conflict and emotional outbursts. Your task is to try to organize your toddler’s life in such a way that her feelings stay within tolerable limits. Make use of everyday situations and by your presence, cuddles, tender words, smiles and similar actions show your child that you love her and that she is safe with you. In this way, you will send your child the message that positive challenges and relationships do exist in the world. Teach your toddlers to recognize their feelings. Comfort them when sad, have fun with them when they are happy. When you ask your toddler to do something, use a friendly tone of voice and shape your request like an invitation instead of a command. As often as possible, use the expressions please and thank you. If your child says no, do not overreact. Answer her challenge by repeating your request calmly and clearly. It often happens that children automatically say no in order to gain time to think things through and understand what is happening at that moment. Whenever you can, praise your child’s independence. Children can appreciate this. Avoid situations that have triggered an outburst in the past. Reward good behaviour with lots of praise. Be consistent. Choose a restricted number of rules and make sure these rules are clear to your child. Your child will try to turn your no into yes and vice versa. Beware of these traps! 56 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD DAD: Maya, I said – no! MAYA: You mean, no- no! DAD: Yes. MAYA: Good, so that’s a yes. Learning through imitation brings joy both to children and everyone around them. Taking on someone else’s role is a great achievement for a child. (e.g. mimicking the way Grandma walks, imitating a doggy or a kitty). This is a good way to understand another person and to put oneself in their position. These are lessons for life. DAD: Maya, show Grandpa reading the paper. MAYA: He isn’t reading it, he can’t find his glasses. DAD: Well then, when he finds his glasses… MAYA: Then he doesn’t know where he left his paper. Mummy, Daddy, look what I can do… In her third year, the child is more and more stable in walking. She can jump, run, stop, walk in a straight line, and walk backwards. The toddler participates in games that include singing, moving and obeying rules. (Ringa-ring-a-roses, Hop, skip, and jump, Here we go round the mulberry bush…) THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 57 To learn control of the hands, children should play with dough, plasticine, and sand, as well as leafing through books, tearing up and squeezing paper, etc. Somewhere in her third year, the toddler tends to use one or other part of the body more often (arm, leg, ear, and eye). It is important to encourage the toddler in the free use of that part of the body which is more agile, stronger, and more precise. For example, if the child does most things using the left side of the body, then she should later draw and write with her left hand. If the left-handed child’s parent forces the child to use her right hand, this may seriously affect the child’s development. When this happens, children can begin to stutter or to exhibit other behavioural difficulties. Let your child be herself. Do not force her to be like you. Potty-training Control of physiological needs requires the full development of the child’s nervous system (normally after the eighteenth month). So be patient and consistent. Some toddlers simply prefer nappies to sitting on a potty. They feel comfortable in nappies and do not understand why they have to sit on a potty. It often happens that older siblings revert to nappies when a new baby comes home. Let them follow their own rhythm, and encourage them to take on part of the responsibility. If it turns out that there are problems using the toilet, wait for a while until the child is older. Take off your child’s nappy and put panties on her. After she has had a nap and eaten, sit her down on the potty. Let dolls and teddies sit on the potty, too, and get used to these new requirements. Even after the child masters potty-training, there will be times when she will again pee or poop in her pants. These mishaps usually occur when the child is sick or upset about something. For a while, the toddler loses her recently acquired skills and abilities. If such situation persists, consult your paediatrician. 58 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD The child explores the world around him Children of this age are now much more confident of their physical abilities, but they do not know when to stop. So they keep testing the limits. Toddlers cannot take care of themselves. That is your job. Be careful when talking to other adults if your child is within earshot. The child hears what you are saying and may misinterpret some words and become anxious as a result. Reveal the world to your child in easy stages. Do not burden him with information he cannot absorb. Toddlers like copying adults, both in how they look and what they do. They find it difficult to distinguish between reality and fantasy, which is why they enjoy playing make-believe. They may play with other toddlers for a while, but they are still unable to share toys. It is not easy for them to wait and they find it difficult to make decisions. No is their favourite word. When they say no, they are demonstrating their independence. At this age, children question limits, so they often want to do something they cannot or are not allowed to do. Help them learn the rules of behaviour, set limits, and encourage them to respect values. Avoid coercion, punishment, and scolding your child. Watch your child. If he is sick or in need of sleep, if he does not have your support, if he has been in a closed space for a long period or if there are too many limits, the child will become anxious, oversensitive and irritable. How to bring out the intellectual abilities in children? You know best what your child can and cannot do. If your child is working on a puzzle, but cannot put some of the pieces in place, help her complete the puzzle. Encourage your child to explore together with you, be a role model for your child to aspire to (show your child to run her fingers over a smooth surface, turn her attention to a specific sound, give her a lemon to smell, let her put a spoon in her cup). Teach your child the use of objects. For example, a plastic cup can be used to drink water from, to pour out water, to be a hat for a doll, or to be a tower. Give your child some problems to solve (putting two-part picture together, reaching a toy by means of a small rake, THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 59 and so on). Make toys out of various materials together with your child. Play make-believe games (we are flying by plane, we are feeding your doll, we are bathing your teddy, we are visiting somebody) - such games develop the child’s imagination and help her to practise language. Be as creative as you like and, if necessary, introduce new characters and objects. Some children’s behaviour patterns may appear and disappear spontaneously or be retained. You can influence your child’s actions by your approval, disapproval or disregard. Look who’s talking! After the second year of life, speech development accelerates. Your child’s rate of progress depends on her natural abilities as well as on the encouragement of those around him. The toddler is becoming more and more curious and begins to ask all sorts of questions. The role of adults is to give answers patiently and so broaden the child’s vocabulary. Development of their vocabulary helps children to better understand reality and master mental functions. MAYA: Grandma, why have you got such long arms? GRAN: So that I can hug both you and Luke at the same time. At this age, children are speaking with increasing fluency. They pronounce some sounds as clearly as adults do. Children have already gained considerable experience of objects and their environment. They can focus their minds on people who are not present and understand an event that happened in the recent past. They begin using time adverbs, but in their own childlike way (this day, the other day, that other day). They will learn the terms yesterday, today, tomorrow at a later stage. 60 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Let’s play Functional games in the third year are connected to more advanced development of the motor system (keeping their balance, balancing, standing on one leg, running, walking, etc.). Children of this age are most interested in so-called didactic games (stringing beads, matching small pictures, fitting geometrical shapes into the correct holes, tying shoelaces), symbolic games (including other children in their games), and games in which children build or make something (using building blocks, plasticine, sand, water, paper, dough). Warning: at this age children should not play with small objects that can be swallowed. From the third year onwards, symbolic games become increasingly sophisticated. Children create imaginary heroes, construct plots, and assign roles. They can follow the course of the “drama”, adapt dialogue according to their playmates, and perceive the world from someone else’s perspective. MAYA: I’ll be Snow White, and you, Luke, can be the Seven Dwarfs. Okay? As their imagination develops, they increasingly introduce unexpected plots. At first, these plots are taken from everyday life, but later, they include elements from stories, children’s films, cartoons, and fairy tales. While playing, children make choices. They plan and decide how to solve a problem. The imaginary situation is harmless, but it is an excellent practiceground for skills in later life. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 61 To encourage development of the child’s imagination and discipline too, we recommend games with rules (to practise self-control), complex games with building blocks (fitting together different shapes and colours, planning), make-believe games (part of a costume is sufficient to play the role: a cap, hat, a walking stick), jigsaw puzzles, finger games (Cat’s Cradle), making shadows on the wall), and all types of creative group activities (cutting out, gluing, drawing, singing). Your role is to provide the right conditions for play, to tell stories, to extend existing ideas, and to introduce new elements into your child’s games. Generally speaking, play should bring joy, open up new possibilities, strengthen children’s awareness of themselves, develop their mental health, and enable them to solve problems creatively. At the same time, play should satisfy the child’s emotional, cognitive and physical faculties. Complex thought and imaginative processes will develop under the cover of play. Do not use corporal punishment By administering corporal punishment, you are sending your children the message that it is all right to hit those smaller and weaker than themselves. In this way, children get the wrong picture that problems can be solved through physical punishment instead of negotiation. Physical punishment frightens children. It destroys their natural desire to learn and seek approval and support for their actions. As a rule, children later remember situations when they were punished, but in most cases they cannot explain why they were punished. How, then, can they change their behaviour? If you think you are losing control, move away from the child. Let someone else take over care of your child for those few minutes. If you are alone with your child, leave him in a safe place. During that time, calm down and think whether you had to react like that. Wait for a while before saying or doing something nasty to your child, as you will certainly regret it later. It is essential that you set clear limits as to what is allowed and what is not allowed and that you keep consistently to these limits. 62 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Remember: • Children are becoming increasingly independent and confident. Use every opportunity to praise your child’s independence. • The child is walking more steadily now and tending to use one or other side of the body more often. Encourage your child to make free use of that side of the body which is more agile, stronger, and more precise. • Children like copying adults – be a good role model. • Study your child, find out what she can and cannot do. Help your child. Encourage your child and explore things together. • This age is characterized by conflict and emotional outbursts. By your presence, hugs, tender words and smiles, show your child how much you love her and that she is safe with you. • Some children’s behaviour patterns may spontaneously appear, disappear or may be retained. Your child’s actions will be influenced by your approval, disapproval or disregard. • In the third year, children test limits, so they often want to do something they cannot or are not allowed to do. Help them accept rules of behaviour, set limits and encourage them to respect values. Do not punish your child physically or verbally! • Children of this age cannot take care of themselves. That is your job. • Provide your child with the right conditions for play and play with her. • Let your child be herself. Do not force her to be like you. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 63 Communication 3. 64 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Dear Grandma, When Mummy hugs and kisses me, a kind of sweetness goes through my whole body. That sweetness makes me run around the house. Besides running, I start shouting AAAAAAAAA. Then, my Daddy jumps up in front of me with outstretched arms. I have nowhere to go but to his embrace. Then he kisses me on the neck, and it feels like a little trumpet playing. The little trumpet tickles me and I have to giggle. Then Daddy starts laughing. His arms move upwards and I end up in the air and start giggling even louder. When Daddy sets me down on the ground again, I run to Grandpa’s lap. He dandles me on his knee and recites: Gee-up, gee-up, four legs, All of them stiff! Gee-up, gee-up, we’re riding To a far-off cliff… Grandma, now I’m on my way to you for a hug. As soon as you kiss my hair, the two of us set off for the market. I like it most when we go from stall to stall choosing what to buy. First, we’ll go to Auntie Zlata’s stall to find out if she’s got those pink hairslides with the teddy bears. Okay? Love Maya Principles of good communication F rom the very first day, babies are equipped with various skills to help them communicate with other people and draw attention to themselves. They cry, smile, and make movements and facial expressions. They wait for responses from the people around them and respond to them. They are interested in the human face, voice, and touch. You know intuitively how to communicate with your baby – you look at your baby’s face from a close distance with wide-open eyes, you move your head, imitate your baby’s voices and movements and choose simple games where your baby can join in. Whether you want to or not, you automatically adapt to your baby’s mood. You show joy when the baby is lively, whisper when the baby seems sleepy, etc. In this way, you create a harmonious relationship. What you think is the most natural form of communication with your child is probably the right one - one that your child will understand. Good communication requires taking turns. This means that you are watching and listening to your baby while he is communicating a message. While talking to your baby, take breaks to give him a chance to answer – to smile, to stretch out his little arms, to coo… Games like Where’s your clever little head? and Where does Bunny drink water? are a good way to learn about turn-taking. These principles of good communication are not designed as rules to be followed to the letter, but more as reminders in the daily care and upbringing of children. Maybe you are already familiar with these tips. Nevertheless, read them and respect them so that you establish good communication with your child. 66 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Show love and positive feelings towards your child For your child to feel secure, it is important that you show her love and positive feelings. Hug and cuddle her. Approach her with joy and enthusiasm. Even when they are very young, infants can distinguish between joy and sadness. They know when adults love them and when they reject them. There are many ways of showing love for your child: Hold your child in your arms Smile at your child as often as possible Exchange jokes and laughter Speak in a gentle, loving voice Tell your child that you love her whenever you feel it is the right moment to do so. DAD: I can hardly wait for them to wake up to tell them how much I love them! MUM: Same here. You can never spoil your child with love and attention! Monitor your child’s feelings Everybody needs to be noticed and understood, so does your child. Therefore, try to find out what your child needs and how he is feeling. In this way, you will better understand him and be able to monitor how he feels. The child can sense that you care about him. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 67 Crying is an important signal that can help you understand your baby. A baby never cries without a reason. Try to listen to your baby and understand what he is communicating through his tears. This is how a baby shows his feelings. The baby needs your help to calm down. The sooner you react, the sooner the crying will stop. Answer your child when he asks you something React to your child’s sobs Monitor your child’s activities Watch what your child is doing, try to discover what he wants Try to guess what he is feeling Interpret his body language Respond to your child’s wishes and feelings Adjust your actions to your child’s mood Show an interest in what your child is doing Talk to your child about things that interest him LUKE: What happened then? GRANDPA: I was riding on horseback over a field.When we came to a stream, the horse jumped and… MAYA: And then? GRANDPA: And then I fell out of bed and woke up. Very soon after your baby’s birth, you can start communicating with him. Look into his eyes, smile, and make gestures. Answer your baby’s sounds with a happy expression and positive comments. The baby is now attaching 68 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD himself to you and learning how to interact with others. Older children also need close contact. Encourage you child to unburden himself to you. Maintain non-verbal communication (exchanging positive body language, eye contact). Praise your child whenever she does something well To develop confidence in herself, it is important that a child has at her side a person who will encourage her. Are you that person? Make your child feel important and competent. Only in this way will she pluck up the courage to try something new. Praise your child when she does something well. Explain to her what is positive about it. It is important that the child knows that she has been noticed. This is how she acquires a real level of confidence. Non-verbal confirmation includes eye contact, smiling, body language. Verbal confirmation includes praise expressed in words, for example, “That’s good. Well done!” or “That’s good because when you do that…” MUM: Maya, you are such a hardworking little girl. You help your Grandma with the shopping. You are gentle and attentive to Luke. But, best of all, I like it when you are always cheerful. MAYA: And do you also like my new hairslide? Help your child focus on his attention on the world around him Children often need help to focus their attention on their surroundings. Teach your child how to do this. Say: “Look at this… Come here…” and show him what you want him to experience or see. It often happens that the child THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 69 is interested in one thing and the parents in something quite different.Adjust to whatever your child is interested in, focusing your attention on the same thing. If you do not share your experience of the world around you, it will be difficult to establish a close rapport and good communication. Try to focus your attention on what the child is interested in and share the experience, but also try to direct your child’s attention towards things you are interested in. Ask yourself if you spend enough time with your child to share experiences and interests. Give significance and meaning to your child’s experience To understand what is happening around him, a child needs an adult to put the experience into words. The child will then feel that something important and interesting is happening. He feels secure and learns to communicate with others. Talk to your baby while changing him: “Now I’m going to change your nappy… See, how much better you feel now…!” Name objects and show how they work. Show your pleasure and interest in things you experience together Help your child to broaden his experience For a child to have a better understanding of the world around him, it is important to explain to your child why certain things happen. With small children, point out the link between current experiences and those that they experienced earlier. With older children, you can tell stories, give explanations, ask questions, find similarities and dissimilarities, etc. In this way, children experience what is essential for their intellectual development. Make up and tell stories about your shared experiences. Draw, look at pictures, and do role-plays based on your experiences. Even when you are too busy, stop for a while and explain things to your child when he asks. 70 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Help your child to learn self-control Children need assistance to learn self-control and planning. This can be achieved to a large degree if you assume a positive leading role without taking over full control. When children are inconsiderate and selfish and break the rules of interaction with other children and adults, it is important that you intervene and set limits, explaining why certain things are not allowed. Rather than forever saying “no”, show your child what she is and is not allowed to do. When children behave badly, they are actually often seeking their parents’ attention. If the child persistently misbehaves, try to understand why. Maybe your child is trying to tell you how she is feeling. UN Convention on the Rights of the Child Article 29: The child shall be prepared for “responsible life in a free society, in the spirit of understanding, peace, tolerance, equality of sexes, and friendship among all peoples, ethnic, national and religious groups, and persons of indigenous origin.” THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 71 Remember: • Show love and positive feelings towards your child • Follow your child’s development • Talk to your child about things that interest her and try to establish emotional communication • Praise your child whenever she does something well • Help your child to focus her attention, so that you can enjoy shared experiences • Give significance and meaning to your child’s experience • Help your child to broaden her experience • Help your child to learn self-control by setting limits in a positive way DAD: Maya, why are you drawing on the table? MAYA: Because this paper is too small for such a big house. DAD: Well, how about using a big sheet of paper? 72 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 73 Disciplining the child 4. Dear Mummy, I love it SO MUCH when you praise me and say: Well done, Maya!” Then I don’t find it hard to do what you tell me for the second and third time. But when you start yelling at me: “Maya, why do you have to play in the middle of the room? Why are you barefoot? Put your slippers on quickly! I’ve told you a hundred times not to touch the shoe polish!” and stuff like that, I get all confused and do the opposite. I understand you better when you talk to me slowly and when you explain to me why some things should or shouldn’t be done. You remember once when you warned me nicely: “Maya, don’t throw the ball around the room. You might hit Luke!” I obeyed you at once. No way am I going to hurt him. I can understand that you’re not always in a good mood and that I sometimes go too far when I’m naughty, but I really don’t see why I have to put a sweater on when you’re cold. Love, Maya Say hello to Auntie W e all want our children to gain self-control and obey the family rules. However, it often happens that children are disobedient and we ourselves are overwhelmed by everyday stressful situations. We feel helpless and confused. We lose control of our emotions, react impulsively, or rely on our instincts. The root meaning of the word discipline is teaching, training. It is a process of guiding children towards an acceptable form of behaviour, a non-violent method oriented towards resolution, and it implies setting clear rules of behaviour. Discipline is based on trust and tenderness. MUM: Maya, why have you thrown your toys all over the place again? MAYA: So that you will say “Well done, Maya” when I pick them up. Teach your child to control himself and plan his actions. This is usually achieved by guiding and praising the child’s positive behaviour. Explain to your child why something is inappropriate or dangerous. For example, instead of the stern warning, Don’t do that, explain to your child why he should obey you – Watch out, it’s hot! You might get burnt! Instead of giving an order, Don’t pull your doll’s hair, offer a constructive suggestion and turn your child’s attention to the positive side – Look what nice long hair your doll has. Why don’t you comb it for her! Long-term and short-term goals Try to imagine your child in twenty years from now. What does he look like? How does he behave? What does he do? What kind of a person is he? 76 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD What is your relationship like? At that age, is your child kind, honest and a wise decision-maker? Setting goals will help you influence the way your child grows up. However, the challenges of daily life occasionally direct us towards shortterm goals, to what we are trying to accomplish right now. Imagine the following situation. It is early in the morning. Your daughter woke up late for nursery school. She is sleepy and is moving slowly. She hasn’t dressed or washed her face yet, and it is about the time you usually leave the house. You start yelling. You slap her on her little bottom. At this moment in time, your goal is very short and simple – you want your child to get ready as soon as possible and leave for nursery school. But what happened to your long-term goals? Have you taught your child to solve problems by yelling and slapping? Children copy you. If you do not want your child to be selfish, you yourself should be open-handed and generous. Children learn how to cope with stress by watching how you do it. When you cope well with some daily problem, you will be a role model for your child and show her how to manage her own frustration, consider other people feelings and communicate with respect. If your child constantly misbehaves, it might be a cry for help. Try to find out what is troubling your child by or what she is lacking. If she is hungry, thirsty, sleepy or upset, the child will be irritable and will hardly obey the rules! MUM: Maya, I was very snappy a while back and I shouted at you. Please, forgive me. Now we have both calmed down, I’d like to explain to you that shoe polish is used for shoes, not for the face… MAYA: Great! So may I use your face cream for my shoes? THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 77 How to develop positive discipline? Choose a small number of clear rules. Be consistent, even when you find it easier to give in. Interrupt your child when he is doing something wrong. Point out to him what he may do. Each no must be explained. If you want your child to change his activity, prepare him, “Play a little longer, and then go and wash your hands. Dinner will be soon.” Do not suddenly interrupt your child’s favourite activities. Be positive. Children need approval and encouragement. Help your child understand and tell you his feelings. When the child feels that you understand him, he will feel good about himself. Ask your child: What do you think, about the little boy whose toy was taken from him? How do you think he is feeling? Develop your children’s consideration for other people and their feelings. Try to be calm and collected. The more calm and composed your behaviour is, the greater the likelihood that your child will imitate your pattern of behaviour. Admit to your child if you have made a mistake. When you set limits for your child, bear in mind your child’s development level. You should know what you can honestly expect from a child of that age. Avoid physical punishment. Children may feel that it is all right to hit those smaller and the weaker than they are. Physical punishment can engender a feeling of fear in children and destroy their natural desire to learn from those taking care of them. LUKE: Maya, is it okay if you hit somebody bigger and older than you? MAYA: No, it’s not okay and it isn’t very wise either. When you grow up, you’ll see for yourself. 78 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD No parent is perfect Do not despair if you are not always successful. Children repeatedly test the limits, so be consistent. If your child behaves in an unacceptable way, point to your child’s actions, and not her personality. Let your child know that you love her, regardless of her behaviour. It is important for children to feel safe and protected near their parents. If you want to build a permanent, positive relationship with your child, based on love and trust, you must share those pleasant experiences. STOP! No physical or verbal punishment If you do lose control, the only solution is to move away from your child. Give yourself a chance to think over why you reacted in that way. Try to put yourselves in your child’s position. Think it through. What made your child behave like that? Parenting is not an easy job, but do not try to solve conflicts by physical punishment. In this way, children get the wrong impression that conflicts can be solved by force instead of negotiation. Physical punishment may put a temporary stop to some behaviour, but it rarely brings a permanent change in behaviour. Children may become frightened and feel helpless. Do not humiliate, insult or embarrass your children! This kind of behaviour upsets children, offends them, and destroys their selfrespect. Children exposed to this type of violence (yes, verbal punishment is also violence), may, in their later life, have difficulty in establishing normal relationships with other people, become depressive, violent, or delinquents, or seek solace in alcohol or drug abuse. The damage done to a child’s soul cannot be seen, but it affects the child for the rest of his life. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 79 UN Convention on the Rights of the Child Article 19: The state “shall take all appropriate, legislative, administrative, social, and educational measures to protect children from all forms of physical or mental violence, injury or abuse, neglect or negligent treatment, maltreatment or exploitation, including sexual abuse …” Terms abuse and neglect describe various types of violence against children. Abuse is a forceful act, while neglect is a failure to provide adequate care for the child. How do you recognize child abuse and neglect? Physical abuse is any physical (corporal) injury to a child by an adult. A physically abused child often has visible bruises and welts, and sometimes burns and fractures on the body. The most frequent type of physical punishment of children is corporal punishment applied as an educational measure. Any form of physical punishment is dangerous for a child. Every year, thousands of children lose their lives and millions of children suffer injuries after corporal punishment. In administering corporal punishment, we teach the child that the world is ruled by force, not by fair and reasonable argument. Sexual abuse is involvement of a child in a sexual activity, which the child cannot understand and to which the child is not able to give consent. Sexual abuse takes several forms: through no direct contact (showing pornographic pictures to children), through direct contact (touching and masturbation in the child’s presence), or partial or complete sexual intercourse with a child. Unfortunately, the abusers are most often members of the close or extended family, family friends, and neighbours. The victims are children of all ages, both boys and girls. Emotional abuse is an act that adversely affects the child’s emotional health and development (for example, indifference to the child, ridicule, threats, intimidation, etc.) or the parents’ failure to provide a stimulating environment in which the child can develop. 80 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Child Neglect implies the parents’ negligence or failure to provide, within their means, optimum conditions for their child’s health, educational, emotional, intellectual and nutritional development. There are many ways in which parents neglect the needs of their children: disregard for immunization, omission of meals, inappropriate supervision, social isolation, etc. If you suspect that adults are behaving in a suspicious fashion towards a child, do not turn your back! Do not leave the child in the lurch! That child is crying out for help. If you notice an abused or neglected child in your neighbourhood, immediately report the case to the Social Welfare Centre and to the police. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 81 Remember: • There is no single, right way to raise a child. However, this does not mean that all ways are equally good. • Positive discipline is a non-violent method oriented towards solving problems. • Be your children’s role models for permitted and desirable behaviour. If you do not want them to be selfish, you yourselves must be open-handed and generous. • If the child persistently misbehaves, it might be a cry for help. Try to find what is troubling him or what he needs. • Think carefully – what kind of person would you like your child to be when he grows up! • Be consistent, even if you find it easier to give in. • Choose a small number of clear rules. • Reward good behaviour with lots of praise. Children need approval and encouragement. • Be positive! Focus on what the child should do instead on what the child shouldn’t do. • Admit it when you have made a mistake. 82 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD • Respect your children’s feelings. • No matter how angry you are, do not hit your baby, do not shout at him, and do not shake him. If you feel you are exhausted and under pressure, take a rest. Do not punish your children physically or verbally. • Do not despair if you are not always successful. • Let your child know that you love him, regardless of his behaviour. • Do not turn your back if you suspect that a child is being abused or neglected! Do not leave the child in the lurch! THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 83 Child safety 5. Dear Mummy, I saw my best friend Helen yesterday. She was all bandaged up. I was terrified. She told me that it wasn’t so bad and that we would play together soon. She told me how it happened. Helen was sitting on her Mum’s lap. They were playing “Gee-up, gee-up” and were having a great time. Then her Mum reached towards the table to pick up her cup of coffee. She just wanted to take a sip and go on playing. At that moment, Helen laughed and suddenly waved her arm. The cup turned over and the boiling hot coffee spilled over the tablecloth, carpet, her Mum’s dress, but mostly over Helen’s arms and legs. All that could be heard in the house were shrieks and screams. Fortunately, everything ended happily. The doctor did everything that was necessary. Then he patiently explained to them how many accidents can be prevented. Let’s see how together! Love Maya Accidents can be prevented A great many accidents can be prevented if the appropriate steps are taken. It is your job to introduce safety measures at home and in the immediate vicinity, to behave responsibly and, most important of all, to teach your children to be cautious and to take care of themselves. Join in campaigns to promote child safety. MAYA: Mummy, have I protected myself enough? MUM: I think you’ve overdone it. Safety at home Children have inquisitive minds and like exploring new objects and places in the house. However, they are not aware of the possible dangers. Therefore, you have to keep watching them and remove anything that might hurt them. Accidents mostly happen at home, mainly in the kitchen, bathroom, on the stairways, and in the garage. There is danger lurking around a hot barbecue, a medicine chest and a slippery floor. Move the following objects out of the reach of children: matches and lighters, all kinds of medicines, cigarettes and alcohol, tools, sharp objects (scissors, knives, needles, saws, etc.), rubbish and cleaning agents, disinfectants, insecticides, and rat poisons, From time to time, check that household appliances and heaters are in good working order. Replace damaged cables and cracked plugs and switches. Turn the backs of the TV and hi-fi sets towards the wall so that your child cannot reach them. Every wire should be insulated. 86 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD It is recommended that you set the water heater at 60ºC to prevent the child getting scalded by hot water. Do not forget to check electronic toys. If you see sparks and notice that a toy is getting hot or smells of burning, repair it at once or throw it away. MAYA: Granny, why did you throw my dragon kite into the rubbish? GRAN: If you’d only seen the sparks coming out of its mouth. Do not leave your children alone in the room with a heater or other heating device switched on. You must block access to the stove so that the child cannot approach it. Walls in the flat must not be painted with a paint containing lead. Poisonous plants must be taken out of the reach of children. Smokers, if you really have to smoke, go out of the flat and smoke a cigarette on the balcony or in the entrance to the building. Save your child! There must not be any possibility for your child to lock herself in. Secure windows. Raise pulls, ropes and drawstrings for window blinds to prevent children from reaching them. Remove fragile objects from shelves. Do not buy furniture with sharp edges. If you have furniture like this, then, protect the sharp edges. Lock drawers and chests to prevent children from crushing their fingers. Outdoor and traffic safety Never leave your children alone in the car, in the street, in a restaurant or shop. Hold your child’s hand while walking on the pavement. If you drive THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 87 children, be extra careful. Do not drink alcohol. While driving in the car, children should be sitting on the back seats only, on an adult’s lap, or in special children’s car seats. The car door should be always locked, no matter whether the car is in motion or parked. Do not let your child walk across the street alone before she is ten years old. Make sure that the child’s tricycle/bicycle is in good working order. Insist on your child wearing a helmet and kneepads while riding. LUKE: Maya, let me try to ride your trike. MAYA: I daren’t. You might fall down and break your teeth. LUKE: But I don’t have any teeth, they haven’t grown yet. MAYA: Sorry, even the toothless are forbidden to ride. You should encourage your children’s love of animals, but teach them not to touch animals they do not know. You should also explain to them that they should not provoke animals, pull their ears and tails or take a bone or toy from their mouths. Never leave children under five alone with a pet. Keep your child at a distance from a dog with puppies. MAYA: When Yeller is eating or sleeping, no one must touch him. LUKE: Why? MAYA: He might bite. LUKE: Lucky him! If only I had some teeth… 88 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Accidents happen A ll of us want our child to be healthy. Unfortunately, accidents happen. We should keep a cool head at such times in order to give our child the proper help. The more we know, the better able we will be to assist our child if an accident takes place. Injuries can be such that they require a doctor’s advice or professional aid, but most troubles (a small cut, a bruise, a nose-bleed etc.) will not need prompt reaction or an ambulance. With elementary first-aid skills, you will be able to help your child yourself. However, there are situations in which you must act immediately. These are situations when the child’s life is endangered and when you must not hesitate. In such cases, the best thing is to call the doctor. Here are some typical situations where this is imperative: - loss of consciousness (you cannot rouse the child or the child does not respond) - convulsions of some or all parts of the body with a loss of attention or total loss of consciousness - choking on food, drink or some other substance - a fall from a great height - wounding with a firearm - severe burns - breathing difficulties (heavy breathing, rapid breathing, intermittent breathing, or irregular breathing) - food or drink poisoning - continuous bleeding - injuries sustained in a car or other accident The telephone number of the emergency medical service is 94. Wherever you live, your call must be answered by someone, every day, 24 hours a day. The emergency service dispatcher answering your phone call is trained to identify what type of help you need in order to provide you with such aid as soon as possible. Listen carefully to the dispatcher’s questions and reply briefly and clearly. The ambulance teams come as soon as they can. They sometimes provide help on the spot, and sometimes they have to take the child to hospital. Let the doctors decide what is best for your child at that moment. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 89 If you call 94 when it is not an emergency, you are denying access to help to someone else who may need it badly. LUKE: When somebody is burning up with a high temperature, do you call the ambulance or the fire brigade? Until help arrives I f the child has been hurt in a car accident, has been seriously burnt, is drowning or unconscious, choking or bleeding, you should immediately seek professional help. Until help arrives, it is essential to assess the situation and react appropriately. The child has been injured in a car accident With any badly injured child, you should assume that the spine may also have been damaged. Possible injury to the spine is indicated by: pain in the back at rest or in motion visible deformation and swelling reduced mobility of the neck or back paralysis numbness a pricking sensation 90 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Immediately proceed as follows: - Ask all those hampering your efforts to give the child first aid to move away from the scene (panic-mongers, drunks, etc.) - If you feel that the injured child is not in a safe place, move him to another place. You will need to enlist the help of several people to do this. - Call the emergency medical service. - Cover the child with a light blanket or clothes. Hold his hand and talk to him in a calm voice. The child must not be moved unless he is in a dangerous place! The child has severe burns Children start exploring their surroundings as soon as they can walk. It often happens that they put their hand in a pot of boiling water, pull a tablecloth off the table, pour hot coffee over themselves or touch unsecured objects out of curiosity (stoves, hotplates, irons, etc.). The burnt skin becomes red and swollen and blisters may appear. The child is frightened and crying because he is in a great deal of pain. Immediately proceed as follows: - Remove the cause of the injury, i.e., the heat source. - Take the child out of an enclosed space. - If the child’s clothing is on fire, lay the child flat on the ground, face downwards, and cover him with an overcoat or a blanket to extinguish any flames. - If the child was exposed to electricity, carefully pull away the wire and/or switch the power off. - Call the emergency medical service. - Relieve the burnt area by removing clothing and footwear. - You may cool the burnt area until the pain stops. - Cool smaller areas with ice and cold water and larger ones by covering them with a wet cloth (for 30-45 minutes). The burnt area may be immersed in water (from a tap, spring, or well). - The burnt area should be gently covered with a clean cloth (a nappy, towel, or bed sheet). - While waiting for the ambulance, talk to the child in a calm voice. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 91 Do not shout at the child! Do not spread oil, butter or any other fatty substance on the burn. Do not immerse babies and infants with more extensive burns in cold water. The child is drowning MAYA: I know these pages are not very nice to read, but don’t skip them. You never know when you might need these tips. When drowning, the child holds her breath for the first two minutes, as infants have a dive reflex, and then she inhales water, which enters the airways. Grass and sludge are often inhaled with the water. The heartbeat is slow and irregular. Suspect drowning if you see a child waving her arms and legs uncontrollably on the surface of the water and then slowly disappearing under the surface. If this happens, immediately proceed as follows: - Shout for help as loud as you can. - Jump into the water and pull her out to safety. - If the child is not breathing, start reanimation (mouth-to-mouth ressuscitation, external massage of the heart) - When the child starts breathing, take off her wet clothing and cover her with a dry blanket or towel. - While waiting for the ambulance, talk to the child in a calm voice. Do not enter the water if you can pull the child out from the riverbank, edge of the sea or swimming pool. When drowning, a bigger (stronger) child may grab you and pull you down with her into the water. This makes the rescue more difficult. 92 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD The child is unconscious An unconscious child can be recognized by the fact that he looks as if he is sleeping, but cannot be roused in the usual way. If this happens, call the emergency medical service. While waiting for the doctor, proceed as follows: - If the loss of consciousness has not been caused by an injury, lay the child on his right hip, with his right arm and leg stretched out. Bend the left arm at the elbow, and bend the left leg both at the hip and the knee. Put a pillow or some soft object under the left arm and leg. It is important that the child does not turn onto his back. - If loss of consciousness has been caused by an injury, do not move the child unless he is in danger in that place (from cars, the cold, electricity, etc.). The child is choking Children aged one to five put various objects they find into their mouth. If the child swallows a foreign body and it enters the airways, it can block them. In this case, breathing is difficult, the child starts choking and coughing, and her face and neck turn red. If the coughing starts to subside, breathing slows down, the face becomes dark blue, and the child loses consciousness, this means that a foreign body is blocking the airways. Choking may be caused by a swallow or a sip. The most common cause is laughing while eating. Trouble may also be caused by eating soft food (frankfurters, grapes, soft sweets) if it is not finely chopped. Instead of going into the digestive system, the food remains stuck in the airways. Coughing something up is the best way to remove an object from the airways. So encourage the child to cough. If the object is visible and accessible in the throat, it should be reached and pulled out. When a baby is choking on a foreign body in the airways, proceed as follows: THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 93 - Turn the baby’s face downwards, lay the baby face downwards over your forearm and rest your forearm on your leg for support. Hold the baby’s head in your hand. - With the heel of your free hand, hit the baby on the back between the shoulder blades 5 times. - Turn the baby over onto his back. Cradle the baby on your forearm, but this time with his face turned upwards facing you. Keep the baby’s head lower than the rest of his body. - Press down on the baby’s breastbone 5 times. Each time, the pressure lasts for 3 seconds. - If the object becomes visible after you take these steps, it should be removed. Aid to older children is administered in a standing position. First, encourage the child to cough. Then bend his head down and give him several blows on the back, between the shoulderblades. The child is bleeding heavily When a child injures herself, the blood vessels may be damaged (cut, broken) causing bleeding. Bleeding can be: - arterial (the blood is bright red, spurts out rhythmically and bleeds profusely in accordance with the heartbeats - venous (the blood is dark red, it oozes out and flows steadily) - mixed (when both arteries and veins are injured). Bleeding can be stopped in the following two ways: - applying finger pressure (with arterial bleeding, pressure is applied above the wound, and with venous bleeding, pressure is applied below the wound - bandaging (the wound is covered with a piece of gauze, pressure is applied on the gauze and the wound firmly bandaged) Do not wash the wound! If there is a foreign body in the wound, it must not be removed. It is best to leave this particular intervention to the doctor. 94 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Remember: • When the child’s life is in danger, you must react promptly. Call the doctor as soon as possible. • If the child has been hurt in a car accident, he must not be moved unless he is in a dangerous place. • If the child has burnt himself, first remove the cause of the injury, i.e., the heat source. • If the child is drowning, pull her out onto the riverbank or beach. If the child is not breathing, start reanimation (mouthto-mouth ressuscitation, external massage of the heart) • An unconscious child can be recognized by the fact that he looks as if he is sleeping, but cannot be roused in the usual way. • Coughing something up is the best way to remove an object from the airways. • Do not wash the wound! If there is a foreign body in the wound, it must not be removed. It is best to leave this particular treatment to the doctor. • Smokers, if you really have to smoke, go out of the flat in which young children and/or pregnant women live. Smoke outside! • Encourage your children’s love of animals, but teach them not to touch animals they do not know. • Never leave your children alone in the car, in the street, in a restaurant or shop. MAYA: What about a toy shop? DAD: Not in a toy shop either! THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 95 Important telephone numbers Paediatric clinic/hospital on duty Telephone advisory centre Your paediatrician Your health visitor Pharmacy 94 – EMERGENCY MEDICAL SERVICE 93 – FIRE BRIGADE 92 – POLICE 96 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 97 Care of sick children 6. Dear Mummy, You usually panic and overreact, but you were right this time. If you hadn’t taken me to the doctor in time and if I hadn’t started taking the medicine immediately, I think I would still be sick now. And that means that I’d be in bed for New Year’s Eve. I wouldn’t be able to go and see that show we’ve booked and who knows if I’d get a present from Santa Claus. In fact, I think I’d get worse just thinking about it. I daren’t even imagine it. It’s all the snow’s fault. It looks like whipped cream, but when you taste it, it isn’t sweet at all. I’m a hundred per cent sure of it. I first ate the snow that was on my trike, and then I swallowed three snowballs in the park, and last of all, I licked Mr. Snowman. There wasn’t a bit of sugar. Actually, snow has no taste. It’s just cold. VERY, VERY cold. I’m a hundred per cent sure of that, too. But what I don’t understand is how something so VERY, VERY cold can suddenly turn into a high temperature and throat infection. And, worst of all, it turns into awful nightmares.. Whenever I closed my eyes, something big and ugly appeared before me. I haven’t found out what it was as I had to keep running away from it. And when you have to run so much, you sweat. So no wonder I kept waking up all soaked in sweat. Love Maya UN Convention on the Rights of the Child Article 24: Every child has “the right to the enjoyment of the highest attainable standard of health…” The state is bound to ensure that “ no child is deprived of his or her right of access to such health care services... and to make it possible that parents and children are informed and are supported in the use of basic knowledge of child health and nutrition, the advantages of breastfeeding, hygiene, and the prevention of accidents…” Respiratory infections C oughing, sneezing, a runny nose, a sore throat – these are the most common indications of a minor infection in children. Such infections usually disappear in a short time without affecting the child’s health. However, they can sometimes be symptoms of far more serious illnesses, e.g. pneumonia. These illnesses are most commonly caused by viruses and bacteria. The illness is spread by little particles and droplets in the air from an infected person coughing or sneezing nearby or from touching hands or objects contaminated by secretion from the airways. Minor respiratory infections If your child has a minor respiratory infection (a cough, cold, chill, etc.), treatment and care are carried out at home. MAYA: Do you know that a person can’t sneeze with his eyes open? LUKE: Don’t know. I haven’t sneezed yet. 100 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Place the sick child in a well-aired, warm room (22-25ºC). Naturally, smoking is not allowed in that room. Let your child drink as much liquid as possible, particularly if she has a high temperature. You will prevent dehydration in this way. Dress the child warmly, but do not overdo it. As sick children may lose their appetite, try giving smaller amounts of food, but more often than usual. Do not stop breastfeeding! Babies under six months should be breastfed more frequently than usual. If the baby cannot suckle, squeeze milk into a clean cup and feed your baby with a teaspoon from the cup. Relieve your child’s cough – lay the child over your knee face downwards and slap her gently on the back. Let the child inhale steam (above hot, not boiling water) or moisture (let hot water run in the bathroom and sit your child on a chair next to the bath). Damp air makes breathing easier. As often as possible, clean the sick child’s nose, particularly before feeding or sleeping. You can clean the nose blocked with secretion with cotton buds moistened with a saline solution that will soften the secretion in the nose. Cool down a child with a temperature using a wet sponge or you can bath her in warm (not hot) water. When the child recovers, give her an additional meal a day for a week. The child is considered fully recovered when she regains the weight she had before the illness. If the child does not want to eat and loses weight, take her to the doctor. Proper treatment reduces the child’s pain and suffering, and also any possibility of complication. Incorrect or delayed action may result in serious disability (e.g., deafness after inflammation of the middle ear, otitis media, or heart disease after a throat inflammation caused by streptococci). Today, there are many medicines used for the treatment of coughs and colds. Some are not very effective, while others are actually harmful. Do not give any medication to your child without consulting the doctor in order to avoid possible complications and prolonged illness. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 101 LUKE: hy are you laughing so much? MAYA: Grandma says that laughter is the best cure! Serious respiratory infections Sometimes, coughs and colds can be the first signs of a serious infection (e.g. pneumonia). Pneumonia is characterized by rapid and heavy breathing. Rapid breathing is the organism’s response to reduced oxygen in the blood, which occurs during inflammation of the lungs. Rapid breathing is best checked while the baby is sleeping. The usual breathing rate for a baby in the first two months is 30-50 times a minute. The number of inhalations and exhalations decreases as the baby grows. If a baby aged up to two months takes 60 or more breaths per minute, then he is breathing rapidly and you must see the doctor immediately. Likewise, a baby aged two to twelve months who takes 50 or more breaths per minute or a child aged one to three years who takes 40 or more breaths per minute should be taken to the doctor promptly – these children are probably suffering from pneumonia. Heavy breathing is another danger signal indicating pneumonia in young children. You will recognize it if you see a visible and clear retraction of the lower part of the chest. During normal breathing, the chest and abdomen extend, but the opposite happens with pneumonia – due to greater effort by the respiratory muscles, the lower parts of the chest tighten up during inhalation. If pneumonia is not recognized on time, a child’s life can be seriously endangered. Therefore, see the paediatrician (doctor) promptly if you suspect your child’s breathing is rapid or heavy. 102 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Pneumonia and other serious infection in young children exhibit the following “danger signals”: - The child cannot suckle/drink - The child vomits everything he has eaten - The child faints suddenly and loss of consciousness is accompanied by uncontrolled spasms - The child is unusually sleepy, hard to rouse, and does not respond to your voice. He stares into space, shows no interest in his surroundings, and does not react when you clap your hands near his head - The child is “fighting” for air - You can hear a respiratory rattle (a short, jerky sound appearing at the start of inhalation). - When you come close to the baby’s mouth, you can hear unusual sounds during inhaling and exhaling. - The child stops breathing. - When looking at the child under a bright light, you notice that the skin and mucous membrane (for example, the tongue) have turned blue, purple or grey. - The child has a high temperature. - The cough has lasted for more than two weeks. Pneumonia in babies aged two months may display signs like a “fluttering” of the nostrils, a tight tummy, “shaking” of the head. At this age, besides a high temperature, a low temperature may also point to a serious infection. DAD: It’s me, Luke, your Daddy. Don’t be afraid! I have a head cold and I don’t want to infect you. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 103 Prevention is better than cure Respiratory infections can be prevented: - if you only breastfeed your baby in the first six months - if you respect the principles of proper nourishment - if you have your child vaccinated regularly (this means that by the eighteenth month your child will be protected from measles, diphtheria, whooping cough, tuberculosis, as well as from pneumonia and tuberculosis - if you regularly wash your hands and objects your child touches - if you protect your child from cigarette smoke and from smoke from a wood/coal stove (a child is more susceptible to respiratory infections if he spends time in smoky rooms) - if you keep away from the child when you have a cold (do not sneeze, cough and spit near your children). Do not allow people with a respiratory infection to come into contact with your child. Diarrhoea T he child has diarrhoea if she has more than three watery stools a day. The more stools she has, the more serious the diarrhoea. Diarrhoea is caused by germs taken in with food or water, and especially germs found in the stools themselves. This particularly happens in places where the child’s stools are not disposed of in the proper way, where there is not enough clean drinking water and where hygiene is at a very low level. Breastfed infants seldom suffer from diarrhoea. MAYA: When you don’t wash food properly, you can get the runs. LUKE: What’s the runs? MAYA: That’s when you poo faster than you can ride a trike. 104 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD As soon as the diarrhoea starts, give the child more liquid to drink and continue with normal meals (breastfeeding). Some people think that the intake of liquid makes the diarrhoea worse. This is not true. The child with diarrhea should be given more to drink as long as she has diarrhea. The intake of additional liquid helps compensate for the fluid lost due to the diarrhoea. MAYA: Please let me finish what I started doing first. Breast milk is the best source of liquid and food for an infant suffering from diarrhoea. It is nutritious, clean and helps protect against disease. The baby fed solely with breast milk seldom gets diarrhoea. Breast milk prevents dehydration and malnutrition. It replaces lost fluid. Mothers are sometimes advised to reduce breastfeeding during diarrhoea, but this advice is wrong. In fact, you should breastfeed the baby who has diarrhoea more often than you usually do. When older children or infants who do not suckle any more have diarrhoea, it is best to give them oral rehydration salts mixed with the correct amount of water (as advised by the doctor or according to the manufacturer’s instructions). Loss of fluid during diarrhoea can be compensated for by soup, rice water, freshly squeezed fruit juice, weak tea with very little sugar, even clean water (if you think that the water is not clean, filter it or boil it and cool it before use). If the child is aged between six months and two years, give her a drink after each stool – between one quarter and one half of a large tea cup. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 105 Give older children half of a cup or a whole cup of liquid. The cup from which the child drinks should be clean. The child should be drinking additional liquid as long as she has diarrhoea. If the child is vomiting, wait for ten minutes, then give her a drink, which she should take slowly, in small sips. MAYA: Now it’s clear to me why people say you’re as boring as diarrhoea! Your child needs prompt medical attention if he: has several watery stools in one to two hours has blood in the stools often vomits has a temperature does not want to drink does not want to eat has sleepy eyes looks weak, exhausted and drowsy The child with diarrhoea loses weight and may suffer from malnutrition. So it is vital that the child continues eating regularly. Food helps stop diarrhoea and aids faster recovery. The child will soon regain his body weight and energy if he eats small amounts of food more often (five to six times a day). The best food for a baby is breast milk. You should give older babies and infants pureed food because they can eat it easily and it contains more water than solid food. A pureed combination of cereal, beans, fish, thoroughly cooked meat, yoghurt and fruit is recommended. 106 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD You can add one to two teaspoons of oil to cereals and vegetables. The meal should be salted and freshly prepared. The diet of older children should include yellow and orange vegetables (carrots or pumpkin, for example), as well as cooked green, leaf vegetables (spinach, chard). Give children fruit. While cooking, add some oil to the food for energy. Since the child has a reduced appetite, try to persuade him to eat. Give the child his favourite food in pureed form.. During the recovery period, it is recommended that you give your child at least one additional meal or feed for at least than two weeks. Diarrohea generally stops by itself within a few days. Pills, antibiotics or other medicines are not advisable, unless prescribed by a doctor. The child is not considered fully recovered until he regains the weight he had before the infection. MAYA: Mummy, why doesn’t Yeller wash his paws before eating? Prevention is better than cure - Wash your hands with soap and water after contact with the child’s stool. Stools, even from a baby, contain germs and are dangerous (infectious). - Throw the child’s stool into the toilet. - Wash your hands with soap and water before preparing food and feeding your child. - Wash your children’s hands as often as possible because they put them into their mouth. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 107 Use clean water. Wash foodstuffs. Boil or bake foodstuffs. Prepare food immediately before eating. Two hours after cooking, food is not safe to use any more unless it is kept in a cold or very hot place. - Make sure that the child’s stools do not come into contact with drinking water, food, the hands, or the surface where you prepare food. - Cover food and protect water. Flies may settle on faeces, then on food or water, causing diarrhoea. - Keep the toilet clean. If the household does not have a toilet, excrete away from the house, pets, the water tank, and places where children play. Bury the excrement and cover it with a layer of earth. - MUM: Where are you going, Maya? MAYA: To wash my hands, I touched the chair. 108 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Remember: • Immunization is the fastest and most economical measure to prevent serious contagious diseases. • The child who coughs or has a cold usually has a minor infection, which disappears quickly and spontaneously. Proper care of the child at home shortens the period of infection and speeds up the child’s recovery. • Sometimes, coughs and colds can be the first signs of a more serious illness. The child with rapid or heavy breathing may have pneumonia. In this case, immediately take the child to the doctor. • Respiratory infections can be prevented (by breastfeeding, vaccination, regular hand-washing, and by making sure the room is free from cigarette or other smoke). • Never give medicines to the child without consulting a doctor, as complications may arise or the illness be prolonged. • The child has diarrhoea if she has more than three watery stools a day. • While the child has diarrhoea, she should be given additional liquids and fed regularly. • The child needs prompt medical attention if she has several watery stools within one to two hours or has blood in the stools. • Babies fed solely with breast milk seldom get diarrhoea. • Diarrhoea is most effectively prevented through the proper hygiene. Wash your hands with soap and water after contact with the child’s stools, before preparing food, and before feeding the child. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 109 Stress and loss 7. Dear Daddy, I am so sad that Yeller has gone. Grandma told me that he ran away to the village. I don’t think that’s true.. What would Yeller want in the village without his kennel, his little bowl of water, and Luke and me? He’d be bored. Who would he play with there? Chickens are too small for him, cows are too big, and piglets prefer rolling in the mud to chasing a ball. Besides, Yeller would never leave without saying goodbye. So I think you’re right – Yeller just got old and died. Though, I’m not sure what that means exactly. So please answer these questions for me: Will Yeller and I meet again? Can Yeller see me now? Is Yeller as sad as I am? Will Grandma and Grandpa die, too? And what about you and Mummy? Will you draw Yeller for me? Can I sleep in your bed tonight, with you and Mummy? Love Maya Protecting children against stress T he most important things for a child’s healthy development are security, emotional stability and a predictable course of events. However, misfortunes happen. They occur suddenly and unpredictably and introduce restlessness and insecurity into a child’s life. Children respond differently to stressful situations. Their response depends on their age, temperament, strength of character, previous experience, adaptability, etc. The most important thing parents can do at such times is to provide a safe and warm environment for the child. Protect your children from unnecessary exposure to scenes of destruction, injury, and death, both in real life and on TV. Support At life’s tough moments, children should not be separated from their parents. Mummy and Daddy inspire confidence. If separation is unavoidable, a person who is familiar and close to them should stay with the child. Anything unclear and unknown induces fear and increases the feeling of insecurity and anxiety. Explain to your child any unexpected events that disrupt the normal course of life. It is very important that children understand what has happened. Transmit the information as precisely as possible in a language the child can understand. Try to create a relaxed, warm atmosphere in which the child can express her feelings freely. Listen to what your child has to say and try to clear up any misunderstandings. Check whether your child has understood the explanation. Answer your child’s questions patiently. If your child keeps repeating the same question, repeat your answer each time, taking care not to depart from the previous version. Give your child time to revert to the topic when she is ready. It is important to relieve the child of guilt and fear. Convince her that other children have similar experiences in similar situations. Help your child to accept her fear or sorrow as normal reactions. Let your child express the experience in different ways: through play, painting and drawing, or make-believe role-plays. 112 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD MAYA: Daddy, let’s play! I’ll be Yeller, and you’ll be his little ball. Show your feelings in front of your child. If you hide your feelings, your child might think that you are indifferent and that you are not feeling the loss. Put your feelings into words so that your child can understand your reactions. When your child comes to understand what has happened, she will be able to cope successfully with these and similar experiences in the future. Children and Death Earlier it was believed that young children do not have the capacity to mourn, but today we know that this is not true. When someone they love dies, children experience a whole range of different feelings. Some of them protest, some of them cry, some of them play in silence, and some sit on the bed waiting for their loved one to come back. Let them grieve in their own way and at their own pace. MAYA: And then again, maybe Yeller will come back when he gets hungry. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 113 Children do not have the necessary experience to understand the real meaning of death. They are used to normal everyday events, order, and regularity. Since everything in their life is repeated at regular intervals, why shouldn’t those who have left at some moment in time come back? We can help young children understand death if we maintain their sense of loss: Grandpa has died… Grandpa has gone… Grandpa is no more … Yes, Grandpa has died, but Mummy, Daddy and Grandma are here. Children need time to understand the chronological order of events that make up past, present and future. Gradually the child will understand that death is final. A child’s outward indifference may deceive you into thinking that the loss has not affected the child. Do not forget that a child has a constant need to be cared for! How can you help the child? Inform the child of the loss carefully, openly and as soon as possible. Clarify all the details in a language the child can understand. Accept the child’s reactions (rage, sorrow, refusal to accept the loss). Encourage the child to verbalize his feelings through play, without forcing him, only when the child wants to talk. Tell your child that you will not disappear, that you will be there to look after him. Let your child express his grief through crying, discussion, drawing, play. If we send children messages like: Be brave! Don’t cry! Don’t be afraid!, etc., it will be difficult for them to understand what is happening and to deal with the loss. Children who have experienced loss and stress may become withdrawn and frightened. Some children lose their appetite and the desire to play. They may develop sleep problems. Some children may regress to an earlier stage in their life, sucking their thumb and wetting the bed. Stronger reactions may also occur – difficulty in thinking and concentration, intense anxiety, nightmares, and they may become obsessed by one topic, one type of game for a long period of time. All these reactions are normal. If these symptoms last longer than a few months, or if you are concerned about your child’s behaviour, seek professional advice. After sudden, unpleasant and distressing events, the child needs to return to his usual activities as soon as possible. In this way, the child will regain his sense of order and normality. Socializing with his peers will help him to share his feelings and experiences. 114 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Remember: • Protect your children from unnecessary exposure to scenes of destruction, injury and death, both in real life and on TV. • At life’s tough moments, children should not be separated from their parents. • Mummy and Daddy inspire confidence. If separation is unavoidable, a person familiar and close to the child should stay with him. • Explain to the child any unexpected events disrupting the usual course of life. • Children need your help to understand the meaning of death. • Encourage your child to express and share his experiences with others. • After sudden, unpleasant and distressing events, the child needs to return to his usual activities as soon as possible. In this way, the child will regain his sense of order and normality. MAYA: Luke, guess who this is: woof, woof… LUKE: I know who it is. You can stop licking my face now! THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 115 Appendix 8. Child development chart E ach baby is unique. Some babies start to walk earlier, some begin to talk sooner, hence it is rather difficult to “map” their progress through the “development chart”. However, we need some basic indicators as to what a baby can do at a certain age. So study this development chart. Compare your child’s abilities to those expected in most infants of that age. If your child cannot do everything listed below, continue to observe and encourage your child. If you think that your child has development problems or that your child is developing more slowly than her peers, do not hesitate – take the child to a paediatrician for consultation and examination. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 117 In the first month, most babies: Turn their head towards the hand stroking their cheek Raise both hands towards their mouth React to familiar voices and sounds Suckle well and touch Mummy’s breast with their little hands What you should do: - Cuddle and touch your baby as often as possible - Talk to your baby, sing to him, recite little rhymes… - Be tender and patient with your baby even when you are tired or anxious - Take your baby to his first medical examination when he is one month old. Warning signs! Pay special attention if your baby: is not suckling well or refusing the breast cries often and for a long time for no obvious reason offers little or no response to loud sounds and bright light does not often move his arms and legs is vomiting, has diarrhoea, is breathing heavily or rapidly, or has some other sign or symptom of infection (see the chapter on : “Care of sick children”) LUKE: And do you really all have to come with me to the doctor’s? GRANDMA: No, not all of us. Yeller can stay at home. 118 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD By the sixth month, most babies can: - raise their head and neck while lying on their stomach - stretch out their hands to reach objects, look towards sound sources by turning their head - grasp objects, look at them, and shake them in their hand - roll over onto both sides (while lying on the stomach, they can roll over onto their back) - sit with support - explore objects with their hands and mouth - begin to imitate sounds and mimic facial expressions - respond to their own name or nickname and to familiar faces - babble and produce sounds that imitate speech - double their birth weight What you should do: - Lay your baby on a firm, flat and safe surface. Then, she will be able to move freely and reach out for objects - Respond to your baby’s babbling. Your communication will look like a conversation. - Talk to her, read and sing. - Hold your baby in such a position that she can see what is going on around her Warning signs! Pay special attention if your baby: - looks stiff - moves with difficulty - offers little or no response to sounds, familiar people or the breast - refuses the breast LUKE: Daddy, when you hold me in your arms, I can see everything clearly, even what Mummy is hiding on top of the wardrobe. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 119 By the twelfth month, most babies: - sit unaided - crawl on their hands and knees, pull themselves up to a standing position - begin to take their first steps holding on for support - imitate words, understand simple requests and questions (e.g., Don’t touch! Find your shoes. Where’s your teddy?) - repeat sounds and gestures in order to attract attention - enjoy playing Pat-a-cake and Clap your hands - begin to hold a spoon and cup, try to eat by themselves - catch small objects using their thumb and index finger (the pincer grasp) - triple their birth weight What you should do: - Encourage your baby’s development through play, point at and name objects from your surroundings, teach him how to hold a cup, spoon, etc. - Make the area as safe as possible to prevent accidents. - Praise your child’s attempts to feed himself (his independence is more important than the mess he makes). - Give your child picture books. Let him turn the pages and recognize the characters. - Mothers, keep on breastfeeding, and start giving other food as well (two meals a day from the sixth to eight month, three to four meals a day between the eighth and twelfth month). - If your child develops more slowly, focus on his abilities, dedicate more time to him and encourage him as often and as much as possible. Warning signs! Pay special attention if your baby: does not produce sounds in response to others does not follow moving objects with his eyes does not react to you and is silent has no appetite and refuses his food 120 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD By the second birthday, most infants: walk, run and climb show objects in the picture string several words together follow their parents’ simple instructions scribble when given a pencil or coloured pencils enjoy short stories and songs imitate their family members begin to eat alone using a spoon show signs of jealousy MAYA: Now, Luke, let me be the baby, and you be the grown up… What you should do: - Read, sing, talk to and play with your child. - Teach your child to avoid dangerous objects. - Do not babytalk your child. Your child should learn to pronounce sounds correctly. - Set simple rules of behaviour and realistic expectations. - Be consistent. - Support and praise your child’s good behaviour and attempts to become independent (dressing, undressing, feeding, obeying rules). - Encourage your child to taste new food, but do not force her to eat. Warning signs! Pay special attention if your child: does not respond to other people walks unsteadily and has difficulty keeping her balance has no appetite has inexplicable injuries and displays changes in behaviour. Find out if the child has been in contact with others THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 121 By the third birthday, most infants: walk, run, kick, jump and go up the stairs recognize and name familiar objects and pictures can draw a circle from the original know their name, gender and age use make-believe objects at play are familiar with basic hygiene (wash their hands, go to the toilet) use sentences with several words feed themselves alone name colours show emotions complete the last syllable or word in a rhyme of a familiar song make more use of one of their hands (let the child be righthanded or left-handed according to her nature. It is dangerous to make any corrections) - put on some items of clothing by themselves (sweatsuit, shoes) - MAYA: Daddy, look, my legs have changed places. DAD: It’s not your legs that have changed places. You’ve put your shoes on the wrong feet! 122 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD What you should do: - Develop your child’s imagination. - Tell him stories, read books, look illustrations together, teach him nursery rhymes. Make balls and strings of plasticine and dough. Give him paper and coloured pencils to draw with. - Sing to your child and listen to music together. - Pretend to talk over the phone (in this way you broaden his vocabulary). - Ask him to show you and name the parts of his body. - The child should have his own cutlery. Do not rush him while he is eating. - Encourage your child to dress, wash his hands, brush his teeth, use the toilet, etc., on his own. - Be consistent in teaching the child how to behave towards others. Warning signs! Pay special attention if your child: does not show any interest in play often falls down lacks sophisticated motor skills does not understand simple orders is unable to string several words together has a poor appetite and is uninterested in food is aggressive towards himself and others without good cause shows no fear of real dangers GIRL: What’s your name? MAYA: The same as my Auntie’s name. GIRL: And what’s your Auntie’s name? MAYA: The same as mine. THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 123 Growth chart T he growth chart gives you a simple method of monitoring your child’s growth in the first two years of life. A single measurement may offer misleading information about your child’s nutrition, so you should take periodic measurements. The chart is given in the form of a graph showing the child’s weight in relation to the child’s age. The World Health Organization has developed a new growth chart for children up to two years. The chart resulted from monitoring the growth of children who were fed in an optimum way. Record the weight of your baby boy or girl in the appropriate growth chart. The first and most important measurement is made at the child’s birth – enter that information at the beginning of the growth chart. Keep on measuring your child periodically. In the first year, it is ideal to measure the child once a month, and in the second year, at two-month intervals. Record the values you obtain in the growth chart. If you apply the tips for the child’s nutrition in the first two years given in this book, the baby or infant should follow the middle green line given in the growth chart. Naturally, discrepancies are possible, as children grow at different rates. However, if your child’s growth diverges so much from the given values that it falls between the orange and red lines, consult your paediatrician. 124 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Weight for age – boys From birth to the second birthday 16 16 15 97 85 15 14 13 14 13 12 50 15 3 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 11 10 Weight (kg) 9 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 Months 1 2 3 Birth 125 Age (months and years) Weight for age – girls From birth to the second birthday 97 15 14 Weight (kg) 126 85 13 12 15 14 13 12 11 50 15 3 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 Months 1 2 3 4 THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD Age (months and years) Birth THE SMART BOOK FOR MUM AND DAD 127