A dingy living room_ old furnishings_ a television with remote by ghkgkyyt


									                                                                                Callicoatt 1

                                      Pipe Dreams

                                    Tanith Callicoatt

        A dingy living room, old furnishings, a television with remote, and several other

small items that are battery operated are lying about. The room is dark. The couple

pours into the darkness, laughing and falling over each other. The first four lines are

spoken before we can see them.

SAMANTHA. I can’t believe you did that!

RAY. It was brilliant.

SAMANTHA. Brilliant for an idiot! You just grabbed them and walked out?

RAY. If you don’t look guilty no one suspects a thing.

       [While they are talking he hands her some push lights. They have a total of ten.

The couple takes batteries out of all of the small items around the room and puts them

into the push lights, turning them on. They place the lights on the coffee table.]

SAMANTHA. You know, if you were a little more brilliant in the job sector then we

wouldn’t be in this mess to begin with.

RAY. It has nothing to do with my job and you know that as well as I do.

SAMANTHA. If you kept a job longer than two weeks we could pay our electricity bill.

RAY. You work.

SAMANTHA. You smoke…

RAY. …No time like the present
                                                                                 Callicoatt 2

       [He pulls a Marijuana pipe out of his pocket, loads it and takes a hit]

   [Holding it out to her] You want this?

SAMANTHA. That’s why we’re here.

RAY. Let’s not have that fight again… [In a mocking tone] “I moved here and was a

good girl… you corrupted me with your pot and bad morals…now our lives

suck…something needs to change…”


RAY. Come on… we were having a fine day, just take a hit, calm down, and enjoy the

light show.

SAMANTHA. [Takes the pipe from him, about to take a hit] You’re an ass.

       [She looks at the pipe and at him; he is paying her no attention. She lights the

lighter, keeping it far from the pipe and pretends to take a hit]

RAY. See, don’t you feel better?

SAMANTHA [Sarcastically]. Yeah, tons.

RAY. So…what are we going to do to pass the time?

SAMANTHA [Sarcastically]. We could talk.

RAY. Yeah, okay. Wanna play cards? Call over Adrian and Emily?.... Wanna get it on?

[Coming towards her with an expectant grin]

SAMANTHA [Sarcastically]. Oh yeah baby. Push lights turn me on.

       [One of the lights goes out.]

  Maybe you should have walked out with some batteries.

RAY. Can’t. They have those sensor things in ‘em. I’d have gone off at the door.
                                                                            Callicoatt 3


RAY. What’s wrong with you?


RAY. You’ve been mopey since we got home. You p.m.s.ing or something?

SAMANTHA. No… I don’t know… I’m just tired.

RAY. Tired?

SAMANTHA. Yeah tired. Tired of everything.

RAY. Here we go.

SAMANTHA. No really. We’ve been married what-three years now? Look at us!

RAY. We're fine.

SAMANTHA. No, we're not-- I’m not. I’m sitting in a trailer with no electricity, no hot

water, around a campfire of push lights with my stoned husband.

RAY. Glass house…rocks...kettle...Hello!

SAMANTHA. I’m serious.

RAY. Okay, Okay. I get it. I ruined your life and it’s getting to you.

SAMANTHA. It’s not just now getting to me. It’s been a long time now.

RAY. Meaning?

SAMANTHA. It was fun in the beginning. I got to experiment. But come on!

RAY. Come on?

SAMANTHA. How long can one person live like this...doing this?

RAY. Doing what?

SAMANTHA. Living from high to high under battery operated lights! [A light goes out]

that don’t work!
                                                                             Callicoatt 4

RAY. I thought we were happy.

SAMANTHA. Happy until the high wears off.

RAY [Smiling]. Then don’t let it wear off!

SAMANTHA. This isn’t funny.

RAY. Sorry.

SAMANTHA. No you're not.

RAY. Whatever.

SAMANTHA. Yeah, whatever.

RAY. So, you must have a plan. What would fix it?

SAMANTHA. I don’t know.

RAY. Do you want to stop smoking? Then stop.

SAMANTHA. It’s not me.

RAY. Oh, I see. I’m the problem.

SAMANTHA. It's us.

RAY. But mostly me.

SAMANTHA. Fine. It’s you.

RAY. Harsh.

SAMANTHA. Be real. I wasn’t like this before you. I was a decent normal person. I

read books and drove sober.

RAY. You worried about your driving?

SAMANTHA. I’m trying to make a point.

RAY. Yeah. I’m a horrible person. You’re not. You’re just acting like one.

SAMANTHA. You’re not horrible.
                                                                             Callicoatt 5

RAY. I’m not good.

SAMANTHA. The stuff you do is horrible.

RAY. You do it too.

SAMANTHA. I never used to.

RAY. And I did?

SAMANTHA. Yes! You’ve been like this forever! Your parents are like this! This is

your normal! [Another light goes out]

RAY. And what’s your normal?

SAMANTHA. Not this! I would die if my parents knew how I live right now!

RAY. Maybe I should call them.

SAMANTHA. Fuck you.

RAY. I already suggested that. Surprise, surprise, you weren’t interested.

SAMANTHA. Sometimes I really hate you.

RAY. I know. Sometimes I really hate me too.

       [They both sit in silence for a moment. Another light goes out. He picks up the

pipe and takes a few more hits]



RAY. We can’t keep having the same fight.


RAY. So? This is all you. I’m happy with you. I’ve loved you since we were kids.

When you moved away I was heartbroken. The best day of my life was the day you

moved back and married me.
                                                                            Callicoatt 6

SAMANTHA. You remember what you said that day? On the bridge?

RAY. What?

SAMANTHA. You threw your pipe off the bridge and said, “I want to quit for you.”

You said you would quit for me. How long did that last? One night? One hour? Two

months later you had me doing it.

RAY. You had you doing it.

SAMANTHA. If you can’t beat 'em join 'em. [Another light goes out]

RAY. You seemed pretty happy to join.

SAMANTHA. You're missing the point.

RAY. What?

SAMANTHA. You promised. That’s why I came. You promised and then you didn’t

follow through. And you have never had any intention to! You said it because you knew

I would fall for it… and I did…

RAY. That’s cold. It’s harder to quit than you think. Smoking makes life bearable.

SAMANTHA. Life would be bearable if you quit. [Another light goes out.]

RAY. You know I’m not going to. I’ve been doing it for 13 years. It’s who I am. It’s

who you’ve been for three.

SAMANTHA. It’s not who I am.

RAY. Who are you?

SAMANTHA. I don’t know anymore. I don’t know myself when I’m with you.

       [They sit in silence for a moment. Another light goes out.]

RAY. So?

                                                                              Callicoatt 7

RAY. What are you saying then?

SAMANTHA. I don’t know what I’m saying. I don’t know what I’m doing.

RAY. Well…

SAMANTHA [Almost shouting]. I don’t know! [Quieter] I can’t do this anymore. I

can’t live like this.

RAY. Then what do you want?

SAMANTHA. I want what I can’t have. I want you to have kept your promise. I want

us to be normal when were together. I want to feel like myself again. [Light goes out] I

want you to change into the man I know you can be-- the man I know you are somewhere

inside there…

RAY. I am who you see honey. This is me. I’ve never tried to hide it from you.

SAMANTHA. But you said you would change.

RAY. Well I was wrong. I wanted to change for you- but I guess I can’t.

SAMANTHA. Then your pot is more important then me?

RAY. That’s not what I said.

SAMANTHA. You don’t have to say it. [Light goes out, only one remains.]

RAY. I don’t know what you want from me.

SAMANTHA. I can’t get what I want.

RAY. Then where does that put us?

SAMANTHA. I don’t know… I don’t know.

RAY. If it’s over then you have to say it. I want to hear you say it.

SAMANTHA. That’s not what I’m saying!

RAY. Then what?
                                                                             Callicoatt 8

SAMANTHA. I don’t know!

RAY. Say it.


RAY. Say it.


RAY. Because I have to hear it.


RAY. Fine.

SAMANTHA. It’s over.

RAY. It’s over?

SAMANTHA. Yes. I can’t do this anymore.

RAY. Wow.

SAMANTHA [Crying]. What?

RAY. I didn’t think you’d actually do it.

SAMANTHA. Well I did.

RAY. Its over.

SAMANTHA. It’s over. [Right as she says this, the last light goes out and the stage is

again dark.]

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