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                  Love & Relationship
                                               Collection 1

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Copyright@2011 All rights reserved.


    What Guys Love About Their Women–Surprising Poll Reveals All, Part One ......................... 3
    What Guys Love About Their Women–Surprising Poll Reveals All, Part Two ......................... 5
    What Guys Love About Their Women—Surprising Poll Reveals All, Part Three..................... 7
    What Guys Love About Their Women—Surprising Poll Reveals All, Part Four ...................... 9
    Heating Up Date Night ......................................................................................................... 12
    Three Ways to Determine if He’s the One ............................................................................ 14
    Can You Solve Relationship Problems in Bed? .................................................................... 16
    Can Love Lift You Out of Depression? ................................................................................. 18
    Points to Remember When Using Online Dating Sites ......................................................... 20
    Adrenaline and Love: A Risky Combo .................................................................................. 22
    From Lonely to Social, Part One .......................................................................................... 24
    From Lonely to Social, Part Two .......................................................................................... 26

Copyright@2011 All rights reserved.                                                   2

                                          What Guys Love About Their
                                          Women–Surprising Poll Reveals
                                          All, Part One
                                          by JAYNA DAVIS
                                          What Guys Love About Their Women—Surprising Poll
                                          Reveals All, Part One
                                          A recent poll was done among regular guys and a few
                                          celebrities to find out what they loved about the women in their
                                          lives—wives, longtime girlfriends and other categories of
                                          significant others. The results might surprise more than a few
                                          women. Guys say that figuring out the female psyche is a
challenge; after you read what guys like about their ladies, you might say the same about men.
That is because several of these responses would not have been picked if women were given a
multiple-choice test about what men want. However, the responses speak for themselves.

Here is a sampling of a couple of trends and conclusions that can be gleaned from the poll.
Here are what guys love about their ladies:

1. Guys love tender touches at night, too, and it’s not all about sex.
Who knew? Guys supposedly want to simply have sex, get it over with, then roll over and sleep,
their needs entirely met. Yet, the poll indicated that guys like all kinds of non-sexual touches in
bed, especially near sleep time. One guy mentioned that his wife always wakes up to kiss him
goodnight when he comes to bed, no matter how tired she is or how deeply she seems to be
sleeping. That little tender kiss, even while you’re half-asleep, sends a deep message of love to
a guy.

Another guy mentioned that no matter where he is located on the couple’s large bed, his wife
finds a way to snuggle up against his body. Guys love this! Surprise, surprise—guys like to
snuggle, too. They, too, like to be told through non-verbal language that they are desirable and
that they are loved.

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What changes should you make in those minutes before you fall asleep with your guy, on those
nights when you do not have sex? Do you need to give little kisses more frequently? Do you
need to establish a routine where you caress then kiss your man each night before you both
enter dreamland? Try a little tenderness in bed just before you both fall asleep. According to the
responses of the poll, your guy will love it. Guys love to be loved, too, and that can include a
whole range of actions apart from sex and foreplay.

2. Guys love your nutty sense of humor.
The poll also showed again and again that men mentioned their ladies’ crazy sense of humor as
being something that they adored in their women. So, let it rip! Your unique comic moments will
endear you to your guy. We’re, of course, assuming that you both have already established that
you love each other deeply. Once you’re safe in that realm, you can do just about anything to be
funny, and your guy will appreciate it.

Poll after poll shows that women love men with a good sense of humor. Well, men love women
with a well-developed sense of humor also, and it sounds like the quirkier, the better.

One guy shared that he loves his wife’s songs about him, which come complete with bizarre
titles that only make sense to the couple, further reinforcing their bond. The songs that a couple
shares don’t have to be ones found on the jukebox or those remembered for playing on the
radio during your first date. Unleash your inner songwriter and tease your guy in a non-mean
manner. He’ll eat up your creativity and laugh for weeks or years about your silly lyrics.

Another guy said that when his girlfriend cracks up at her own jokes and then continues to laugh
for several minutes afterward, he can’t help but laugh, too. Life is hard. Guys like to laugh. Many
men will tell you that they like to surround themselves with people who make them laugh. Be
one of those people! The more “out there” your humor is, the more it will probably appeal to your
man. Activate your funny bone and see how your man responds. He’ll appreciate the comic

Copyright@2011 All rights reserved.                   4

                                                           What Guys Love About
                                                           Their Women–Surprising
                                                           Poll Reveals All, Part Two
                                                           by JAYNA DAVIS
                                                           This brings us to part two of what guys love
                                                           about their women, as revealed in a large poll
                                                           done by a leading women’s magazine to
                                                           determine what can be gleaned by what men
mention first about their ladies, what they love and what they find most attractive.
Obviously, you can’t become someone that you are not, but you might be able to make a few
minor changes that will help your relationship and make you more appealing to your guy. That
might mean displaying your crazy sense of humor more frequently or kissing him every night
before he goes to sleep, as part one of this series shared. Nothing major, but both changes
could be significant to strengthening your connection to your man.
Here are two more somewhat surprising likes that guys shared about their ladies:

3. Guys love when women make an attempt to understand what matters to men.
Men in the poll responses mentioned frequently that they deeply appreciated their women
evidencing some familiarity with what was important to them, whether that be sports or favorite
TV shows or movies or whatever your man is into. One guy mentioned that even though his wife
had never seen Star Wars, she nevertheless bought him a light saber for his birthday. Amazing
love, how can it be? You don’t necessarily need to run out to the store and buy the latest
version of your guy’s favorite video game, but if you show at least a little bit of interest in your
guy’s passions, he will definitely notice. And, hopefully, he’ll begin (or continue) to show interest
in your passions, too.

Another guy said that his wife tries to talk sports with him, and even though she doesn’t make a
whole lot of sense, he loves it and never corrects anything that she says. In other words, guys
like it so much when you enter into their worlds for a few moments at a time, that even if you
make nonsensical comments about those worlds, your man will eat it up. Make an effort to find
out at least a little bit about your guy’s hobbies. What can you discover about woodworking?
Deer hunting? Tennis? Even a surface knowledge of your man’s favorite pastimes will go deep

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in communicating to him that you are interested in who he is as a person, and even though you
might think his obsession with Star Trek is a little weird, you are not going to judge him for it.
What you are basically communicating to your man is that you love him for who he is. That’s
always a winning message!

4. Guys love women who help with the navigation.
This should come as no surprise to those who have ridden shotgun while their guy drives. This
sometimes testy partnership has been fodder for many a comedy routine and, unfortunately,
many a story about a huge fight. The fact is guys like women who do pay a bit of attention while
they are on the road together. That doesn’t mean that you have to have eagle eyes every
second that your car is zooming down a desolate highway. It does mean that an extra set of
eyes can be helpful at crucial times.

Even though the widespread usage of the GPS has changed the vital role of the co-pilot (for the
guys who use a GPS, at least), not even a super-sleek electronic navigator can spot all the
perils of the road. One guy mentioned that his wife always seems to spot state troopers before
he does, which has certainly saved him a hefty amount in speeding fines. Other guys love it
when their woman is able to read street signs while they are driving, helping them to figure out
where they need to turn. Heck, some guys need a woman around to even understand when he
is to turn in obeying the GPS (there are many, many confirmations of this phenomenon).

If you can devote just a few minutes to helping your guy see all that he should as he drives, he
will love you for it. Again, he’s not expecting you to be a human GPS, but even a little bit of help
can make the difference between him being a very frustrated driver who is again lost and the
guy who shows up nice and calm for his first visit with your parents. Your role in the passenger’s
seat can make that difference.

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                                                           What Guys Love About
                                                           Their Women—
                                                           Surprising Poll Reveals
                                                           All, Part Three
                                                           by JAYNA DAVIS
                                                           This brings us to part three of what can be
                                                           learned about what guys love in their women as
we continue to analyze the results of a poll recently done by a leading women’s magazine.
Celebrities and regular Joes answered the question, “What do you love about your woman?”
and the answers can give clues about what guys find most appealing in women. The answers
also provide many surprises about what guys love in their leading ladies, responses that should
encourage those of us who don’t have perfect bodies, model-quality faces or ideal weights.
Guys actually mentioned body parts rather infrequently. In other words, there is so much more
about what appeals to men than the physical aspects of a woman—surprise!

Here are a couple of other notable trends in the poll responses:

5. Guys love women who are super comfortable in their own skins.
The men who participated in the poll said again and again that their ladies’ random bursts of
individuality are what appealed to them the most. This could range from the woman who sings
terribly but still sings when the mood strikes her, as one respondent said, to the lady who
always celebrates victories in an extremely demonstrative fashion when competing with her guy.
Now, that second one should not free you to remind your man every 10 seconds about your
latest Scrabble victory over him, but it should free you to erupt in joy as you see fit when you are
happy. Guys like the spontaneous nature of their women, especially when those moments of joy
reveal something unique about their significant other.

Additional sorts of exceptional traits included a woman who never fails to imitate certain
reporters on television and gives her account of the news complete with bass voice and goofy
headlines, to the lady who does a spot-on imitation of her partner and never fails to produce a
laugh. Those two examples might only be topped by the woman who loves to howl with her dog,
matching it in volume and expression the longer they go.

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Have a funny line you’ve just been bursting to share? A nutty song that you created when you
changed the lyrics to a hit pop tune? Let it rip! Your guy loves what makes you, you.

6. Guys love women who facilitate bridge-building through social organization.
This aspect came up frequently in the poll as well, as men praised their women for paying
attention to the social niceties that guys often overlook. Sure, there are men who organize
family reunions, but in many cases it’s the ladies in the clan that make the arrangements. Men
appreciate women who make sure that everyone gets together on holidays, women who have a
wide circle of friends, women who reach out in love to the lonely.

Men can be great at relationships, too. They’re not all Lone Rangers who spit in the face of
camaraderie. Yet, women are often the ones who can expertly manage a social calendar and
keep a guy in touch with the people he needs to be in touch with. No one would argue for a
woman who insists on staying behind the scenes and simply orchestrates her husband’s climb
up the career ladder while pandering to the wife’s boss. What is highlighted in this trend is that
women who have social antennae that men lack at times can be a real asset to the couple’s
social lives. To put it bluntly, men might not have the time or initiative to spawn a holiday party,
but they will definitely be happy to host one when their wife invites fun friends over and another
memory is made. They will thank you for weeks afterward, but if it were left up to them, in many
cases, that smash event would not have come off as well as it did, if at all.

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                                                           What Guys Love About
                                                           Their Women—
                                                           Surprising Poll Reveals
                                                           All, Part Four
                                                           by JAYNA DAVIS
                                                           This is the final post with analysis of a recent
                                                           poll commissioned by a leading women’s
                                                           magazine that revealed some surprising
answers from men in response to, “What do you love about your woman?” As previous posts
have noted, very little was said about body parts. Instead, much was mentioned about sense of
humor, confidence and snuggly physical contact.

This last post will focus on two more common answers, one having to do with body parts (but
different ones than you might think) and one having to do with an answer that comes up
frequently in such polls, but still is often ignored as women try to figure out what appeals to men.

Let’s get to the results:

7. Men love the parts of a woman’s body that are totally unlike theirs
No, not those parts. Men mentioned parts that often go unrecognized as women think about
their attractiveness. The best news is that these body parts do not need a crash diet or fanatical
fitness schedule to appear attractive. Many times, they are simply given to a woman to
differentiate them from men.

Which parts did the men mention? Three of the most common were the neck, the shoulders and
the skin. It’s a little-known fact that men really do love women’s necks. Women often cover their
necks with their hair, which is also often adored by guys, but when a woman pulls up her hair,
men see a body part that they lack—that long, luxurious neck. Ask any guy how he reacts to a
woman who pulls up her hair for a formal occasion. “Uh, uh, uh… wow!” Men’s necks are not
too noteworthy unless they bulge from working out. Women’s necks are fine, delicate, sensual,

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Another body part, the shoulders, also draws raves for being different. Men’s shoulders are
often judged by their width and strength; when men look at women’s shoulders, they love the
opposite—a little delicate, more narrow, more curve, more beautiful. A woman doesn’t need
narrow shoulders necessarily, any width will do, but they often naturally look wonderfully
different than male shoulders. Watch what happens the next time you wear a sleeveless top.
Men’s eyes will often go right to your shoulders, and as they see that delicate slope they swoon
a bit. Here’s another experiment that you can try: say the words “strapless gown” and ask a guy
what he sees and thinks. ALL guys love that look because they highlight a woman’s shoulders.

As for the skin, men mentioned in the poll, again and again, how much they treasure the
softness of their woman’s skin. Men love soft hands, soft shoulders, soft faces, all the soft parts
that men lack. This would make yet another case for women to take good care of their skin and
moisturize it as best they can to keep it soft.

8. Men love women who are smart.
As stated before, this has come up in other polls, but it was reaffirmed several times in this
latest survey. Men love women who can talk about a wide variety of subjects with them. Is this a
surprise? It shouldn’t be. Men will often fancy women who look hot but don’t have a lot upstairs
for awhile, but eventually they want a woman who can hold her intellectual own and converse
intelligently on a wide range of topics.

Do you want to turn a guy on? Read up on a few areas that he has an interest in: sports,
business, current events, whatever the case may be. The next time you go to have a drink,
you’ll have plenty to talk about, and he will respect you for several reasons: a) you’ll show that
you are an informed person with an opinion; b) he’ll respect your opinion because it is informed;
c) he’ll appreciate the feminine perspective that you’ll bring to the debate.

We hope this series on what men love in their women has been helpful and a bit liberating. Men
did not mention fitness trainer bodies, huge lips, breast implants or killer hips. They did mention
brains, confidence, comfort in your own skin, a sense of humor and body parts that do not have
to be worked on to draw attention. If you have snagged a guy who loves you for being you, the
message is clear: keep on being you and show him even more of who you are. He’ll fall even
more deeply in love.

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Copyright@2011 All rights reserved.   11

Heating Up Date Night
Why have dates with your guy become routine? Is it you? Is it him? Is it where you go and what
you do? It could be all of these, but before you throw your relationship overboard, try a few of
these ideas to heat up your next date night. If your man is not coming up with any great ideas
for your time together, you might need to take the initiative and turn him on in ways he never
imagined. Try a few of these suggestions and see if date night doesn’t become a lot more

1) Like crazy for chocolate.
Buy two chocolate confections that are totally delectable. Then, surprise him with these to start
the night out. Take a little time and make it even more fun by feeding each other your truffles.
Chocolate can be a powerful aphrodisiac. Start your date with a great taste in your mouth and
by communicating that he is special.

2) Play footsie.
It’s funny how much guys love footsie even if you find it annoying to have someone rubbing his
foot on your leg. Flip your shoe off during dinner and run your outstretched toes up his pants
leg. He might ask for the check right then!

3) A Kiss Like This.
Try a new kiss. Read up on the different ways that you can kiss a man and try a new one when
it comes time to make out. You could stumble upon a technique that your guy will insist on again
and again, making date night a much-anticipated event, not a boring habit.

4) Do Fondue.
Suggest a restaurant that serves fondue. This can turn into a sensual meal as you lick a lot of
fingers and have fun feeding each other. The type of food that you consume at a fondue place is
also far from the usual steak and potato, too, making your date far from ordinary. A fondue
restaurant makes for a fun and potentially seductive date.

5) Go Back to the Beginning.

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Do you live in the same town where you first met your guy? Where did you go on that first date?
If you want to rekindle a little fire in your relationship, go back to the location or activity of that
first date and see if sparks fly. Other ways you can do this is by finding the same band that you
loved on that first date and seeing where they are playing in town. If you went ice skating for
your first rendez-vous, lace ‘em up again and enjoy falling all over each other and holding
hands. You might remember what you loved so much about each other when you were there
together the first time.

6) Wear That Go-To Outfit.
Do you have a certain look that your guy tells you he loves every time your wear it? A certain
dress? Sweater? Pair of jeans? Put it on for your next date and get your time together off on the
right foot. He will warm up to you much quicker than normal and you can spend the rest of the
evening fighting him off to make him work for his love.

7) Send An Electronic Invite.
An electronic invitation to your next date will send a powerful message that you are not planning
on the hum-drum usual. The contents of that invitation is entirely up to you. Let it be said,
though, that men usually respond well to dirty talk. Your guy will spend the rest of the
afternoon/week counting the hours until he can see you. That is definitely the type of reaction
that you are looking for. It all starts with a special invite.
Do you want to add a little heat to date night? Try one or several of these suggestions and see if
your next outing with your guy becomes a little more electrifying. Don’t say that we didn’t warn

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Three Ways to Determine if He’s the One
So, you’ve gone out with that guy for two consecutive weekends. Something might be building
here. Everyone around you is so excited because they want you to get hitched and they feel
sorry for you spending so many Friday nights cruising different happy hours in search of true
love. Is this guy the one?

Well, believe it or not, research has been done to try and determine what type of chemistry
needs to occur for a couple to get together and stay together. The objective to attain in any
relationship is something called “romantic chemistry.” It ‘s that type of chemistry that will lead to
you partnering up with someone for the long term. The development of such romantic chemistry
is still a bit of a mystery, but three facets stand out:

1) Romantic chemistry is mutual
It seems as if you have passed this stage because he did call back after that first date. He might
be at the same stage that you are, wondering where this will lead. If he calls back for a third
date, you might have something.

Attraction that is only one way is not romantic chemistry. It can be defined as “attraction”,
“infatuation” or even “lust.” This might sound basic, but you might need the reminder: romantic
chemistry is two-way, no matter how much you adore him.

2) Romantic chemistry is effortless
“Effortless” is a word that comes up a lot in the research on romantic chemistry. What a great
word! If you have to “learn” to love your guy, be careful. If you are constantly finding all sorts of
fault in him and spending a lot of mental energy devising how you can overlook those, you might
not be in a long-term relationship, no matter how badly you want to be. “Effortless” implies what
it is–you should have an attraction to your guy that requires no sort of mental gymnastics or long
explanations to yourself or to your friends.

Is there a natural rapport between you? Did neither of you have to work at it? Then you might be
on the road to “effortless” and true romantic chemistry could be occuring. One test that some
people give for this category is to reflect and ask if you felt like you had “known each other
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forever” when you first met. That is “effortless” connection. If that is true, your chances of
constructing a long-term relationship are much higher.

3) Romantic chemistry is sexual
Without a sexual component, attraction is just chemistry or friendship. You can feel like old
friends as much as you want, but if there is not a strong sexual pull, you might just become old
friends. Another good test that people give for this area is: do you want to wake up and see that
person next to you for the rest of your life and like it?

You don’t have to answer that question just yet, but if you are saying things to yourself like,
“He’s not that hot, but he’s such a nice guy,” then you are not experiencing romantic chemistry.
You not only have to like the inside, you have to like the outside. The reverse is true, of course.
If you are lusting after a guy but have never felt like an old friend to him, then you should not
invest too much in the relationship, either, unless there are parts of him that you need to
discover and might love later.

As you evaluate a relationship, sometimes it just helps to figure out what you are aiming for.
Researchers will tell you “romantic chemistry” should be your objective if you are looking for a
long-term relationship. The attraction needs to be mutual, effortless and contain a sexual
component if you are to attain this type of chemistry. If your current dating relationship is
meeting all of these criteria, congratulations! He might be the one!

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Can You Solve Relationship Problems in Bed?
Years ago, a popular movie opened with a scene in which a couple argued continually in front of
the mother of the husband. The argument raged on and on about some silly issue, as such
arguments often do. The father of the husband seemed a bit concerned, but the mother assured
him, “They will solve all of their problems between the sheets.” Is this an accurate outlook for
our relationships?

The science on the matter says “No”, despite what your mother-in-law or any other self-
proclaimed relationship expert says. We know this makes sense, that the fires of passion can’t
burn forever at their present level, but do we apply this knowledge to our lives? Often we don’t.

Because we feel such a strong physical attraction to a guy, we tend to overlook the more
annoying parts of his personality or the serious deficits we see in his character. Let’s not even
get started on life goals and direction! You are nowhere near harmony on those issues. He
dreams of working in his father’s firm in his hometown while you want to explore the world on
the back (or front) of a motorcycle.

Yet, you stuff all of these nagging doubts down because every time you kiss him, the sparks
erupt so plentifully that you have burn marks on your clothes. You’ve never, ever enjoyed being
held by someone so much, and every time you have sex, it’s like magic. It’s so great that you
are absolutely sure that you two can surmount any difficulties outside of the bedroom. Despite
what your logic is telling you, you think the chemistry that you form in the bedroom will saturate
the relationship when you both have your clothes on.

That sounds like a great formula, but unfortunately it cannot be proven. In fact, the science done
on this very issue reveals that the sexual chemistry you feel with your guy can carry the
relationship for 1-2 years. Then, those hormones, called neutrophins, begin to diminish and are
impossible to re-charge to that early passionate level. Researchers at two major European
universities discovered this same phenomenon in recent tests, independently of one another.
Their conclusions were clear: all the great sex in the world will not sustain a relationship past
two years. In other words, you probably can’t solve your problems between the sheets, not long-
term at least.
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In the relationships studied that went beyond two years and survived, a different type of
chemical kicked in: the so-called “cuddle hormone” known as oxytocin. This hormone is
activated in women when they need to go into labor or produce milk. It is a very domestic
hormone that replaces the earlier “lust shots.”

It is quite possible that your relationship with the guy you lust over will mature to the point that it
can survive without the sexual intensity that you have now. What is important to realize is that
you will NOT have that intensity within the next year or two; science has proven that. The
researchers compared the white-hot feelings that couples felt to cupid’s arrows, saying that the
hormones did behave like a shot that magically united two people, for a time at least.

Can you solve relationship problems in bed? For awhile. After that, you are going to need a
much more solid foundation to build a long-term bond, if that is what you want. Science shows
that those thrilling and overpowering hormones that sweep you off your feet and into bed again
and again will soon be replaced by much more tame chemicals. Will you love him as much
when you are not feeling the same sexual passion that you do now? Will he love you as much?

It’s possible, but the relationship must have many other elements to take it beyond sexual

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Can Love Lift You Out of Depression?
It’s what you have been hoping for: an article that will validate your persistent dream, that a
Prince Charming can indeed emerge from the forest, scoop you up on his white horse and ride
away with you, leaving the dark village of Depression forever. It’s a wonderful fantasy, and it
could come true for you, but the latest research seems to prove otherwise.

What came first, the chicken or the egg? What comes first: a romantic relationship or an
emergence from depression? Let’s get down to brass tacks: can a guy, through his love, lift you
out of depression? Or, do you have to come out of your dark time before you can even begin to
build a relationship? What’s your answer? What have scientists found?

Researchers from Oxford University recently tested the effect of serotonin on people’s
evaluation of relationships. Here’s how their experiment unfolded: one group of adults was given
a drink that activated serotonin, the chemical that affects our emotional state, while another
group was given a drink that did not elevate serotonin in their systems. The two groups were
then asked to rate couples in photos according to their apparent level of intimacy. The results
were fascinating.

The group that had lower serotonin levels consistently believed the couples to be less intimate
and romantic than the group that had higher levels. The researchers concluded that people with
lower serotonin levels, such as depressed people, had a much more difficult time accurately
evaluating relationships, including their own. Scientists continue to study the exact function of
serotonin in the human body, but depressed individuals do have issues with serotonin balance
in their bodies.

Those who study this issue have extrapolated the research’s conclusions even further, and this
is the part that should interest you if you are consistently battling negative emotions: depressed
people not only do not accurately evaluate other people’s relationships, they have much more
difficulty maintaining positive and intimate personal relationships.

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In other words, science continues to say that the chicken comes before the egg. You will be
much more able to form a long-term, rewarding relationship if and when you get help for your
depressed condition.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but you need to know the facts about emotional struggles. The idea
that someone or something will effortlessly carry you out of your blue state is fodder for pop
songs and e-dating services. Research proves that you will need to get yourself together first,
then you will be able to engage in an intimate relationship.

Does this mean that you can never be in love as long as you are depressed? No. Actually,
studies also show that you will be drawn to other depressed people, in all likelihood, and you will
be more likely to form bonds with them. The end result does not bode well for relational stability,
however. Because depressed people have a difficult time evaluating relationships in general,
you and your guy will soon both have problems evaluating the quality and necessities of
your relationship.

The best approach for a depressed person who wants love is to get help first, then embark on
romantic adventures. The intimacy that you are seeking will be much more satisfying and long
term if you are first in a good place emotionally. Counseling, drug therapy and even reinforced
social bonds have all been known to combat depression.

Don’t wait for that knight on the white horse. Get on your own horse, leave the village of
Depression and you’ll be much more likely to find true love in other locales.

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Points to Remember When Using Online Dating
You’ve seen the huge claims that some online dating sites use: “Our compatibility system is
based on over 35 years of research developed by a chief relationship expert,” one says; another
boasts that it is responsible for “twice as many marriages as any other site in the world.” Are
these claims legit? Are any of them based on solid science?

We need to ask these questions because a whopping 40 million Americans log on to dating
sites in search of their ideal mate. With that many people running to the Web to find love, it’s
time to hold up online dating sites to tough scientific scrutiny.

Before you put all of your faith into that site, remember:

1) Online sites rely on anecdote and personal testimony, not large-scale evaluations of
In other words, these sites select a few very happy customers and feature their glowing reviews
of the site. We never hear from the other users who have experienced terrible disappointment.
We also have no idea what percentage of users are happy with the service. We only see the
freshly scrubbed faces of satisfied users. Anecdotal testimony is not the most solid evidence
around. Be aware that such “evidence” is what dating sites use primarily. There is no
“representative sample” that scientists prize when doing research.

2) Sites sometimes compare apples with oranges
Some sites do range beyond a few anecdotal testimonies to compare couples that have used
their site with couples that have used other sites. What they don’t tell you is that they interview
couples who have used their site after only a few months of marriage, when a typical
“honeymoon” period of positive emotions is still in effect. The couples that these newlyweds are
sometimes compared to have been married more than two years, when the honeymoon effect
has worn off. Such comparisons are not valid. Be leery of them on any site you want to work

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3) It’s far easier to break up with someone you’ve met online
This might be great news for some, but not for you if you are looking for long-term love.
Because fewer barriers exist to ending a relationship when the costs exceed the benefits, online
daters often call it quits more quickly than people who meet in a more traditional manners.
Remember, another potential mate is just a click away. That means that as soon as the
relationship gets difficult, it is much easier to terminate it online.

4) Websites do produce marriages; they also produce divorces
In their alluring statistics claiming how many marriages they have created through their services,
online sites do not include the number of people who have been initially attracted through their
site, gotten married, then headed to divorce court. Without these numbers, it is impossible to tell
what percentage of couples who meet through the sites stay married. One thing is for sure: it is
not 100%, no matter what impression the site gives you.

5) Self-disclosure, a key ingredient in couple forming, can be phony on the Net
Although online sites claim that self-disclosure, a very key ingredient in relationship forming, can
be done in a much more speedy way on the Web, they do not take into account that such
disclosure can also be far less authentic. We all know this. A person can create an online
persona that may or may not match reality. Even though that guy seems to be pouring out his
heart online as he describes himself (“What a sweetheart!”), he is only revealing what he wants
you to know, or worse, what he thinks you want to hear. It is much easier to self-disclose in an
inauthentic way online than it is face-to-face over a given period of time.

Do dating sites work? Yes, they do at times. Just beware of the dangers of putting all of your
faith into such services. The shaky pseudo-science that some of them use should not persuade
you to pay their fees and look for love.

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Adrenaline and Love: A Risky Combo

In the ongoing study of how couples come together and what factors help them to stay together,
a lot of recent research has examined the role of adrenaline, emotion and romantic attraction.
The news is important for those of us who have strong romantic dreams about how we will fall in
love. It’s also important to movie fans who love the many Hollywood stories about couple
formation and duration.

What researchers are finding is that adrenaline can greatly muddle your judgment regarding a
potential mate. Simply put, when you are in a context where the adrenaline is flowing, you might
mistake your rush as being caused by the people around you, not the context that you are in.

What does that mean in plain English? Glad that you asked:

1) All intensely emotional situatons ratchet up your sensory system and distort your
So that’s why going to the movies has been a long-time date idea? Seriously, when you are
feeling heavy emotions, your judgment is extremely impaired, including your judgment about
acceptable mates. One study showed that when a person simply stands in a room while a
woman is giving birth, the mother is likely to say that the person was extremely sympathetic to
her even if they did nothing.

Hopefully you won’t be scouting for mates while you are giving birth, but the point is clear. When
you are feeling massive emotion, you can incorrectly think that a guy who happens to be around
at that time is the man for you.

Studies have also shown that people who meet in emergency situations–an unplanned airplane
landing, for instance–often think that they have met the person that destiny had planned for
them, even if other factors would point to a no-go. The adrenaline produced during an
emergency landing can make that guy in the seat next to you seem like Mr. Right. Be careful of
where you dive in when your emotions are at a peak. When they are, you are much more
inclined to “fall in love.”

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2) Positive emotions created by an event are often transferred to the people around us
This is why you high-five that person next to you in the crowd when your team scores a
touchdown. Your brain is telling you very clearly that this is a positive experience and that you
are very happy at that moment. What your less-logical side communicates to you is that the
people around you are responsible for that happiness, not the event itself.

What happens is that your brain makes you feel good, but you become convinced that the
person nearest to you was what made you feel good.

Implications for You
     Avoid making romantic moves on someone when you are feeling strong emotions, either
     positive or negative. Don’t “fall in love” on the day you get laid off. Don’t ask a guy out that
     you meet at a funeral. Don’t give your number to the guy who changes your tire on the side
     of the road. All of these emotional experiences hurt your judgment and convince you that
     the nearest guy in these crises is a great fit for you.
     Evaluate carefully the last really fun date that you had. Was it great because you love rock
     climbing or because you love the guy? The difference is crucial. Just because you
     thoroughly enjoy a given activity does not mean that the guy you share it with is similarly a
     sure bet. Try to figure out what made you so happy the last time that you were together–the
     ice skating or his amazing looks and fantastic personality.
     Monitoring your romantic feelings when you are feeling a lot of emotion and adrenaline
     (especially) can help you to avoid jumping in the sack with a guy that you met during a
     power outage on the subway and hitting yourself later while you ask, “What in the world was
     I thinking?”

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From Lonely to Social, Part One
‘Tis the season to be social, but perhaps the holiday invitations aren’t rolling in. You still haven’t
decided what you’re doing on New Year’s Eve, and frankly, you’re feeling a little left out.
Everyone seems to have a group of close friends or a significant other to spend the holidays
with except you.

Many of us can find ourselves in this situation at different points in our lives for various reasons.
Perhaps you just moved to a new town, or you old friends have dropped by the wayside, as they
have found partners and you haven’t. Maybe you just ended a long-term relationship or
experienced a major life change, like a divorce or graduation from college. Perhaps you’ve
never really known how to make friends and have always longed for a better social life.

Whatever your case, it never hurts to hear a few gentle reminders about how to get back in the
game, make some great friends, and start having the social life that you’ve longed for. You
deserve to be out in the thick of things, not alone on another Saturday night. Here’s how to get

Friendship Possibilities Are All Around Us
For most of us, there are people in our lives that we like but that we don’t see socially. It might
be someone that you laugh and joke with at work, or someone in a class that you’re taking.
Potential friends are everywhere; you just need to see your acquaintances in a new light.

I recently moved to a new town and had to see an occupational therapist after surgery on my
arm. As the therapist began putting me through my paces, we discovered that we had an
incredible amount of things in common. Our conversations encompassed children, work,
religion, politics, and music over the next several months. When it came time to end our
professional relationship, I had made a new friend, one who I now see socially on a regular
basis. So, don’t discount any arena of your life for discovering potential friends.

Deliberate Steps Are Necessary

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If you really are at a time in your life when you’re isolated (perhaps you aren’t working or you
are staying home with small children), then you’ll have to take deliberate steps to put yourself
out there with people. Even mothers with young children can meet other young mothers at
classes for the kiddies or exercise classes.

Several years ago when I had a child on the way, I made a good friend at a pre-natal exercise
class. We discovered that our due dates were the same day and that we each had a toddler the
same age. We began seeing each other socially, talking on the phone regularly, and have
remained friends to this day.

Make an effort to get out where people are, no matter what stage of life you find yourself in.
There are people out there with whom you’ll find you have much in common.

Connect With People With Common Interests
If you are looking for people who share your interests, there are myriad other options as well.
Take a sports class or volunteer with a non-profit that is doing something you are passionate
about. Sign up for a hobby class at a local community college, and don’t forget social
networking sites like Groups exist that cover every conceivable interest, from
Dungeons and Dragons to French speakers to budding authors.

When looking for friends to socialize with, don’t discount people that you already know. There
may be people in your life whom you see infrequently in social settings, but who you could see
more often.

Re-Connect With Past Friends
Finally, don’t forget people you’ve lost contact with. Friendships that have fallen by the wayside
because you moved or changed life directions don’t have to be gone forever. Look up that
person you haven’t seen for ten years on Facebook and see if they want to get together. The
Internet makes it easy to find lost and former friends and get back in touch.

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From Lonely to Social, Part Two

The holidays can be lonely times for people without a social life. Even apart from the holidays,
no one wants to sit home weekend after weekend while other people are going out and having a
good time. If you’ve recently found yourself in a situation where you’re longing for a better social
life, consider these tips for getting back out there.

In my first post, I talked about ways to discover potential friends. Once you’ve identified those
people and actually met them, how do you go about turning that acquaintance into someone
whom you see socially? It’s common sense really, but some of us do need to be reminded from
time to time, especially when we’re feeling lonely and left out.

Ask Someone to Do Something with You
This is the hard part for those of us who are shy, insecure, or fear rejection. We need to take the
initiative with someone to take the relationship to the next level. It’s the most important step.
Otherwise, that girl that you joke around with in the lunch room will always remain just a work

To indicate your interest in being better friends with someone, always ask for their contact
information. Get their phone number, email address, and friend them on Facebook. When an
opportunity arises to do something social together, they will be easy to reach. Asking for their
contact information also signals that you want to be better friends with someone.

The next step is to arrange an outing. It can be as simple as inviting someone to have coffee or
to attend a craft fair with you. My occupational therapist took the initiative with me by inviting me
to hear a speaker whom we both like. However, if you are lonely, you can’t afford to wait for
people to take the initiative with you.

Here’s some help to get started: plan out what you want to do and who you want to do it with,
and take responsibility to set it up. If you need ideas, go onto your city’s website to find out what
it has to offer. There will be lists of attractions and festivals, or you can research places to eat
out, dance, work out, play sports and see movies.

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Don’t forget to pick up on other’s suggestions. An acquaintance may mention how much they
would like to see a particular movie, or they may have casually mentioned that you could have
drinks together sometime. Pick up on these types of suggestions and follow through. Organize a
plan where you can meet and actually do the activity together.

Many people don’t follow through on this crucial step out of laziness, busyness, or shyness. If
you want a social life, you may need to be the one who initiates putting a plan into action, at
least at the beginning.

If you get an invitation to a party, movie, bar, or other event, accept it. It’s easy to rationalize that
perhaps it won’t be much fun, or that you don’t want to see that movie, or that you’re too tired to
go out. You really never know how fun something will be until you actually get there. So, accept
every invitation if you want to improve your social life.

Maintaining Relationships
It’s great when relationships develop naturally, but every relationship needs some maintenance,
and this will vary according to each person. You should regularly call, text, or leave Facebook
messages for your new friends. Don’t let busyness, shyness, or insecurity get in the way of
keeping in touch with friends. Of course, you don’t want the initiative to be all one way, so you
will have to judge how much maintenance each relationship needs. Just let your new friends
know that you like them and are thinking about them.

Once you’ve identified potential new friends, asked them to do something, and worked at
maintaining the friendships, you can stand back and watch your social life grow. You may end
up with more invitations than you know what to do with!

                       Want to know the 15 secrets supermodels and makeup
                          artists are trying to keep to themselves? Visit

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