Seder Sidekick - by wuyunyi


            Do right with
 Let’s baby offThis! The SEDER Song!
 Start this
                                                                                                                             Why is this man here?

                  The Night’s Agenda

    1. KADAISH
    2. URCHATZ                                                              Seder Song Idol
    3 KARPAS                                                                   To the Tune of Gilligan's Island
                                                                            Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
    4. YACHATZ                                                                         A tale of a fateful trip,                    The man above has
                                                                              That started when we were slaves,                   NOTHING to do with your
    5. MAAGID                                                                       on our exodus from Egypt
                                                                                                                                     Seder! (we hope.)
    6. RACHZAH
           C                                                                    Moses was a mighty holy man,                       But we got you to start
                                                                                     Aaron brave and sure
                                                                             The Jewish Nation escaped that night,                   asking questions!
    7. MOTZEI                                                                For a three day tour, a three day tour.                      woohoo
    8. MATZAH                                                              The Egyptians started getting rough,
                                                                              The Red Sea had no bridge to cross!
    9. MARROR                                                             If not for the courage of the fearless Jews,
                                                                       Our nation would be lost, our nation would be lost.
    10 KORECH
    10.                                                              God split the sea and we came to shore to start a new
    11. SHULCHAN ORECH                                                                    With Miriam,
                                                                                         and Aaron too,
    12. SAFOON                                                                   Under G-d's care we did survive
                                                                                         Moses’s staff,
    13. BARAYCH                                                                   The Torah and our Israel land
                                                                                Here on Passover Night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    14. HALLEL
    15. NIRTZAH
Q. Why are there specifically 15 steps to the Seder? What is so significant about the number 15?
                 g                   y          ,                                         g g g
Aside for it being Carmello Anthony’s number, the number 15 has a lot of other cool things going for it in
Judaism. Passover always occurs on 15th of Nissan, our sages say that the reason this night occurs on 15th of                     Some families go all out for
the lunar month is specifically to teach us that just as the moon gradually grows from the first of the month until                  the Passover seder.
the 15th - when it hits fullmoon status – so to the seder needs to be gradual night of growth as well. We start                     What makes your family seder
with talking about our bad times in Egypt until we reach our high times of freedom (which after 4 cups of wine                                                     2
                                                                                                                                 special , different , clinically insane?
can get out of control – you know who you are). So enjoy this night of gradual growth to greatness with the #15!
(note: MOONing your grandmother at this point of the seder would not be cool)
Kadaish>>>>>                                                                                                                        we drink the 1rst cup of wine
Q. Why are we drinking WINE, can’t we drink 4cups of Fresca?                                                                                                                                                    p
                                                                                                                                                                                                    Seder Standup
    d             h       h bl d      ll d b h       hd
 Red represents the Jewish blood spilled by Pharaoh during slavery, the blood as part of the Ten Plagues, and the blood the Jews put on their doorposts, b the
                                                              l        h bl d             f h        l         d h bl d h                   h d             but h
 Ishbitzer Rav gives a novel interpretation: wine, is the product of a long process (the longer it takes, the more expensive!) From the grape to the bottle, it goes
 through some long hard processes. So too, the Jewish Nation also requires a long process toward perfection: Egyptian slavery, then the desert, then centuries of exile
                                                                                                                                                                                                                           What part of
 and persecution. We’ve been through a lot. But says the Ishbitzer, just like wine, the results will be sweet. This is precisely why we always use wine for all of our                                                     Passover do
 holidays, a constant reminder to this idea (and is the reason why if no wine is available on shabbos, one should make Kiddush on the challah, as bread too is an
 amazing product of a long hard process) Cheers!                                                                                                                                                                           pirates love
Q.“Red, Red, Wine...Stay Close to Me” Why Drink Red Wine?                                                                                                                                                                  The sed-aarrrrrrrr
                                                                                     g      gyp                   p                       p              p
 What is it about wine that makes it the medium with which we commemorate the Leaving of Egypt? The Netziv explains that at each step of the redemption, the  ,
 Jewish people underwent a recognizable change as they went from one level of freedom to the next. Virtually the only food/drink that is capable of causing a
 distinguishable change in a person's frame of mind is wine. (s. grussgott, nyc)
                                                                                                                                                                                                                           Q: What do you
                                                                                                                                                                                                                           call a very
                                                                                                                                                                                                                           expensive Jewish
Q.What’s with the kittul (white cloak worn by married men)?                                                                                                                                                                wine?
 A. Seders have a way of being waaaay too fun, (i.e.. 4 cups of wine, wacky songs about goats, and Afikomen robbery) The kittel, the garment that we wear on serious                                                       "Honey, I
 occasions like Yom Kippur, Rosh Hashana, your wedding and burial day, reminds us that while having a blast, don’t forget the serious halachot (laws) that are required
 from us of this spiritual seder night! Speaking of “spiritual”, we also have this gear on to dress the part of an angel - All white, all spiritual, all the time (Anaheim Angels
                                                                                                                                                                                                                           wannnaaa to go to
 jersey’s were equally acceptable in ‘02) Th Kli Y k h th most amazing following explanation: the whole reason we were in Egypt in the first place
 j     ’             ll       t bl i       The      Yakar has the         t        i   f ll   i       l    ti     th    h l                          i E       t i th fi t l                                               Flaahridaah for
 was the jealousy over the Colored Coat of Joseph. We demonstrate our remorse for that resentment the brothers had for one another, by simply
 wearing white!                                                                                                                                                                                                            passovaaaaaa!

The Symbolic Seder Numbers                                                                         Even as a child, Rabbi Gamliel
                                                                                                      always loved the Seder                                                                                Top 10 Cheesy
                                                                                                                                                                                                         PASSOVER SEDER
                                                                                                                                                                                    10. Two Words: Plague Charades
                                                                                                                                                                                    9. Preface every paragraph by saying “Previously on,,, The Seder”

4 cups: What does 4 symbolize????
                                                                                                                                                                                    8. Go around the table mentioning which of the 4 sons you'd like to
                                                                                                                                                                                    d t
                                                                                                                                                                                    7. Sing Dayanu to the tune of Labamba (Di, Di, Di, Di Di Aynu!)
                                                                                                                                                                                    6. To get kids really asking questions, cancel Seder... in favor of
4 Mothers                  The Fantastic Four                                                                                                                                       Séance
4 Seasons                  4 suits in Cards                                                                                                                                         5. Each paragraph you read finish off with a reporter sign off - “And
                                                                                                                                                                                    now back to you, Elijah!”
4 minim on Succos          4 Rivers in Gan Eden                                                                                                                                     4. Promise $1000 to the first kid who finds Moshe's name in the
4 chambers of the heart    4 Elements                                                                                                                                               Haggadah twice
                                                                                                                                                                                    3. Ask, "If you were an Egyptian stranded on an island, and you
4 wisdom teeth             4 expressions of                                                                                                                                         could only have one plague for the rest of your life which one would
4 movements in a symphony “exodus”                                                                                                                                                  it be?“
4 Beatles                  4 leaf clover
                                                                                                                                                                                    2. Sing a Jewish holiday song that has nothing to do with Passover,
                                                                                                                                                                                    see if anyone notices.
Based on this, what does 4 represent to your                                                                                                                                        1. Spontaneous Seder Table Wave
                    Seder?                                                                                                                                                                                                                     3
                                   Seder Song Idol
      You ve          wine      it’s               SEDER’oke
      You’ve had some wine, now it s time for some SEDER oke
         To the Tune of the Brady Bunch Theme song                                  To the tune of Piano Man by Billy Joel                     To the Tune of Mockingbird
                                                    Here's the story                     It's nine o'clock at the Seder Night                  Hush, little Moses, don't say a word,
                              of our great-grand Bubby and Zeide                       The regular family members shuffle in                   God's going to give you a bush to burn.
                         Who were enslaved for about 210 years.                        There's an old man sitting next to me                   And if that burning bush don't sing,
       All of them were stuck in Egypt, with their Jewish brothers,                     makin’ love to his Manishewitz yayin                   God's going to make you goto the Egyptian king.
                         it was awfully hard work and bitter tears.                                                                            And if that king's heart turns hard,
                                                                                      He says, "Son, can you tell me bout the Exodus           God's going to give you a get-out-of-jail-free-card
                                                 Here’s their story,                        I'm not really sure how it goes                    And if that get out of jail card don't cash,
                                              Lets ll        “Seder”
                                              L t call it a “S d ”            But it'    d d it'          t d it’
                                                                              B t it's sad and it's sweet and it’s got no leavened wheat
                                                                                                                       t  l      d h t         G d' going t give you a walking staff.
                                                                                                                                               God's i to i                     lki    t ff
                    Which we tell about how they finally broke free!          so wake me up when we get to the matza hors’ devours             And if that walking staff breaks,
                           God sent Moshe to deal with Pharaoh,                                      la la la, di da da                        God's going to bring blood to the lakes.
                                      and also to split the red sea.                                   La la, di di da                         And if that bloody water gets dumped,
                                                                                                         da yay nu                             God's going to bring you frogs that jump.
           Till that one day when God himself came to our rescue                                                                               And if those frogs don’t play nice,
                    And they knew it was much more than a hunch,                        Sing us a song, it’s the Seder, man                    God's going to bring you creepy crawly lice.
          That this group of slaves would somehow form a nation.                               Sing us a song tonight                          And if those lice don't seem to itch,
                   That's the way we all became the Jewish Bunch.                    Well, we're all in the mood for the Exodus                God's gonna bury your animals in a ditch,
                                               The Jewish Bunch,                     And this First Cup got us all feelin' all right           And if wild animals are ruining the soil,
                                                                                                                                                      g           g you
                                                                                                                                               God's gonna bring y skin burning boils,g
                  That's the way we all became the Jewish Bunch.                       To the tune of Hotel California                         And if those boils don't make you wail,
                                              The Jewish Bunch.                          On an Egyptian desert highway                     .   God's gonna pour down on you fiery hail,
                                                                                                Cool wind in our hair                          And if that hail ain't as big as nuts,
                                                                                             Warm smell of mazohballs                          God's gonna send you swarmy locusts,
 "The Matzah Show" to the tune of the Muppet Show
                                                                                             Rising up through the air.                        And if those locust eat all your bark,
                                      It's time to burn some chometz
                                                                                             Up ahead in the distance                          God's gonna make the sun go dark,
                                             It's time to bless the lights
                                                                                              There’s no food in sight                         And if you thought darkness is the worst of the storms,
           It's time to start the seder, on the Matzah Show tonight
                                                                                      My head grew heavy, and my sight grew dim                God's gonna take your very first born.
                                                                                     Why is this different then all other nights!?             So here is a lesson you should know,
                                                It's time to put on kittels
                                                                                                                                               If you were a good pharaoh you would just let my people go
                                         It's time to lean left, not right
          It's time to raise the 4 cups, on the Matzah Show tonight                      There Elijah stood in the doorway
                                                                                                I heard his dayanu song                        To the "Three's Company" Theme Song
                                                                                             And I was thinking to myself                      Come and knock on our door ...
                                      It's time to ask some questions
                                                                                   This could be Heaven or Maagid prolonged!?                  We've been waiting for you ...
                                       It's time to leave Egypt tonight
                                                                                            Then I asked the 4 questions                       Where the 5th cup is yours and yours and yours,
             It's time to get things started on the most sensational
                                                                                          The hagadah taught me the way                        Eliyahu's company, too!
                            Inspirational, celebrational, sederational
                           This is what we call the Matzah Show!!!!!                    There were voices for each 4 sons
                                                                                              I thought I heard them say:                      Come join us for our sedor...
                                                                                                          Chorus                               Take 15 steps that are new ...
                  (Discussion #1: How could Kermit be a plague?)
                                                                                          Welcome to our Passover Seder                        We've lived in galus that now needs your hatzolos,
                                                                                                   Such a lovely place                         Eliyahu's coming IY"H soon.
                               Different Strokes"
                       To the "Different Strokes Theme song                              Such a lovely place (
                                                                                         S                                   )
Now on Pesach you gotta remove - all our bread even the crumbs,                                 There’s no need to race!                       You'll see that life is a seder and Jerusalem is calling for you ...
    What might be clean for you, may not be clean for your mom.                        Plenty of room at our Passover Table                    Israe'ls our rendez-vous,
   Two sons are born, they are one diverse team (wise and evil)                                    It’s that time of year                      Eliyhu's coming now Nu!
 Then along come two, they've got no clue what anything means.                           It’s that time of year (background)                   To the Tune of the "CHEERS" THEME SONG
                                                                                              When we can’t serve Beer!                        Making your seder in Florida today takes every penny you've got.
                                     And we've got, 4 Different Sons.
                                           It takes, 4 Cups of Wine.                                                                           Taking a tax break from all your school tuitions, sure would help a lot.
                                                                                       To the “Addams Family" Theme song                       Wouldn't you like to get away?
                  It takes, 4 Different Questions to move the world.
                                                                                        They're creepy and they're snoopy,                     Sometimes you want to go, where everybody knows your last name,
                                                                                                 Neurotic and kooky,                           and they're always related in some way.
                        Everybody's got a special kind of custom
                                                                                            all craving mazoball soupy,                                                       see,
                                                                                                                                               You wanna be where you can see that other people paid the same (for hotel)
                                   Everybody's got 4 cups of wine,
                                   E     b d '      t        f i
                                                                                                 Your Seder Family.                            You wanna be where everybody knows where you're stayin. (Fountain Bleau)
                              Steal the afikomen, don't get caught
                                                                                        Their house is clean from chometz
                                                If you do, so what,
                                                                                         Your uncle seems to have turrets                      You wanna go where people are showy, Brooklyn in Florida is all the same,
         Lean on your chairs, invite the poor, and we'll have wine.
                                                                                            a non stop night to Kvetch                         You wanna go where everybody flies business class on the plane.
                                       And together we'll be fine....
                                                                                                 Your Seder Family.
                                     And we've got, 4 Different Sons.
                                                                                             So open up your hagadah
                                                                                              a pillow for grandmotha
                                                                                                                                               You want to go where people know, the boardwalk is packed Chol Hamoed
                                                                                                                                               You want to go where everybody knows your brother's sister's husband's
                                           It takes, 4 Cups of Wine.
                                                                                         We can’t stand and love eachotha                      cousin's butcher's wife's rabbi's brother's name.
                  It takes, 4 Different Questions to move the world.
                                                                                                 Your Seder Family!.

             Nothing gets the family together like some
                    Terribly Lame Seder Jokes!

Q. What’s the reason for this predefined structure of the evening? Shouldn’t we be FREE to talk and do whatever
whenever we want! After all, tonight we are FREE men!??? Perhaps this quote from Abraham Lincoln will help us             5
all understand the answer: "FREEDOM is not the right to do what we want, but what we ought. Let us have faith
that right makes might and in that faith let us; to the end, dare to do our duty as we understand it."  
Urchatz >>>>>                                                                                                                                                                 we wash our hands
                            Q Anyone have a clue as to why we are washing our hands for                                                                                                 Seder Standup
                            We know what you are thinking. We have it on our minds as well: “When do we Eat?” knowing this from past seders, you may feel the
                            need to munch down on as much Carpas as humanly possible. (Carpas Eating Champion Seder ’88-’89) but tonight you are a free man,                                                How do you know the
                            you are not a slave. That includes being a slave to your stomach! So we push off our appetizer, and wash our hands first to demonstrate
                            that we are not slaves to our impulsive eating habits! (R’ Richard Simmons) But Rav Nachman of Breslov says the Hebrew word
                                                                                                                                                                                                            Egyptians were
                            “Rachitz” in Aramaic means “Trust”, because we should trust in Hashem, as we wash now, that no matter what our meal consists of - even                                          pessimists? The Nile's
                            if its just a little parsley twig - that G-d’s “got our back” when it comes to the nourishment and survival of the Jewish people, and there is
                            more in store for us.                                                                                                                                                           blood type was Be
Q. Why Wash our Hands? Why not just give out those nice hot facial towel                                                                                                                                    Negative.
      t t th     d f l       fli ht?
you get at the end of a long flight?
The Maharal of Prague says that there is deep symbolism involved when one washes his hands for the purpose of a Mitzvah. Hands represent the beginning of the
human body, for when one stretches out his hands to reach forward or above, it is the hands that are at the front or at the top of the body. The Maharal explains that
that the way one begins an action greatly influences the direction and tone of all that follows from that point, and therefore, even a seemingly insignificant sin, but one
                                                                                                                                                                                                            I wondered what the
involving the “bodily leader,” is particularly wrong, for a misguided beginning will lead to an incomplete and incorrect conclusion. On Pesach, the Maharal continues,                                      symbolism of Moses’
we should be extremely careful in our observance of this idea, for Pesach is the annual point of beginning for everything that exists, in all times.
At this time of beginning and renewal, R’ Mirsky concludes, it is essential to remind ourselves of the importance of a correct beginning in any action and endeavor we                                      Staff was…and then it
undertake- something which is symbolized by the additional washing of our hands at the Seder. (R’ Matt Kreiger, Monroe, NY)
                                                                                                                                                                                                            hit me. (ouch)
Q Why does someone else wash my hands, pour my wine, steal my jokes?
Q.                              hands          wine
Like everything at the seder this has double symbolism too. On the one hand you are king tonight, so everything is taken care of you (including wine pouring, hand
washing, joke making) On the other hand, you are a slave tonight as well, so you need to serve the person next to you as well! Freeman and Slave. A night of duality!

                           Top 10 signs the guy your
                       daughter brought home for the                                                                                                                           Top Ten Movies to See This Passover
                        Passover Seder isn’t going to
                                             g g
                                                                                                                                                                               1        Passo er      guys     out
                                                                                                                                                                                   The Passover - 4 g s set o t to remember the
                                            work out                                                                                                                               seder where wild tiger and baby are both found.
                                                                                                                                                                               2. (500) Miracles of Summer - 50 miracles at the
10. Hides the afikomen in his pants                                                                                                                                                exodus, so what about 500 by splitting the sea!
9. Won't stop asking when the Latkas are going to be                                                                                                                           3. The Prince and the 10000 Frogs - Plague 2 is
served                                                                                                                                                                             jumping everywhere in this enchanted classic
8. When welcoming Elijah he checks the chimney                                                                                                                                 4. Star-Trek - What started with a dream about stars,
7. After fourth time calling your wife "Ma' Nishtana" still                                                                                                                        220 years in the making
hopes to get a laugh                                                                                                                                                           5
                                                                                                                                                                               5. Up in the Air/Up - Is that hail or locusts or both?
6. In return for the Afikomen, he asks to see your Tax                                                                                                                         6. The Blind Side - Strategies on how to distract and
Returns                                                                                                                                                                            steal an afikomen
5. To comply with the Hagadah, he punches the person                                                                                                                           7. The Hagadah Looker - Keeps checking what page
who reads the "Wicked Son" in the mouth                                                                                                                                            we are on
4. You are at the third cup of wine, he's on number 9                                                                                                                          8. Pesachious: Based on the Novel 'Exodus' by God.
3. After the afikomen is stolen, he starts pocketing                                                                                                                           9. I love you, Matzah - Guy finds bro-mance with
silverware                                                                                                                                                                         digestible carbs
2. When everyone points to the Marror, he points directly at                                                                                                                   10 Ava tar - a world made of charoset
                                                                                                                                                                               10. Ava-tar                    charoset.
1. As a gift, he brings fresh baked Challah

Karpas >>>>>                                                                                                            Grab a Veggie, Dip In Saltwater
Excuse me, Did you just double dip?                                                                                                                                                 Seder Standup
                                                                                           Egypt.                         Egypt, Yosef,                 brothers.
An interesting remembrance of dipping twice is to recall our coming and going from Egypt Recall the first Jew to Egypt Yosef was sold by his brothers They masked
the sale to their father by dipping his coat in blood to appear that he was killed. It’s fitting then that we left Egypt with a second dipping: the hyssop branch into blood to
spread on our doorways before the final plague to the firstborn. 200 years of History in a Double Dip!
                                                                                                                                                                                            When it comes to
Speaking of Yosef’s Technicolor Dream Coat…                                                                                                                                                 Karpas, who is the
Rabbi Pesach Krohn highlights that Rashi when describing the material of colorful coat that Yaakov gave to Yosef,“ uses the words “KARPAS utecheiles." Weird! How
is a coat, a Technicolor dream coat, like a vegetable?! In order to remember why/how we were leaving Egypt, we must first remember why/how we got there in the first
                                                                                                                                                                                            king of Passover?
instance. It all started with the “ktonet pasim” the colorful coat that Yosef's brothers dipped in blood to trick their father that his son, their brother Yosef, was dead, while           A. Elvis Parsley!!
his brothers instead sold him into slavery. Yosef ended up a slave in Egypt, and the story of the Jews in Egypt begins... [please insert a little speech here about loving
one another.] This is why we start the seder with KARPAS, we are essentially going in timeline order -- first the prequel and then it all begins…
                                                                                                                                                                                            If vegetarians eat
Springtime for Karpas                                                                                                                                                                       vegetables, what do
Q. Why is Passover in the springtime? This was no coincidence; in fact it was a blessing. G-d could have taken us out of bondage in the cold of winter or the heat of
summer, but instead G-d took us out in perfect weather, Spring! The color green of karpas reminds us of this small detail, and helps us recognize that G-d went “above
                                                                                                                                                                                            humanitarians eat?
and beyond” in every aspect of our redemption, even the weather forecast.

                                                                                                                                                                                            If a parsley farmer is
Give me a Kaf, Give me a Reish.....
The letters of the word Karpas hint to us to be giving people to those in need:                                                                                                             sued do they garnish
                                                                                     Palm of hand
                                                                                                                                                                                            his wages?
R                          Reish                                                     One who is impoverished
Pa                         Peh                                                       Mouth
S                          Samech                                                    To support

Story: When Rav Itzeleh Wooker observed one of his students grabbing for the largest piece of potato during Karpas, he said to him “How can tonight be a night of
celebrating freedom, if you are still an Eved (slave) to a Potato!”

                       Top Ten Incredibly                                                                                                                                                         Seder Id l
                                                                                                                                                                                                  S d Idol
                       Cheesy Seder
10. PassoverKnight - He's always different than all other knight
9. MatzaMatzaMan - Within 18 minutes this superhero can flatten himself and
escape anything, even your incredibly intrusive distant relative
8. KarpasGirl - She can make any vegetable suddenly taste like the greatest
                                   you re starving.)
food on earth (primarily because you're starving )
7. Sherlock Home: He can immediately detect whether or not a home is
pessadic enough to accept a lunch invite
6. Man-ishtana - He's just like The Riddler, only in Hebrew
5. Dr. FunnelCake - His tempting treif smells are just too powerful to resist –
especially when hotdogs at $10 bucks each at Great Adventure
4. Pinky - She is able to rapidly shoot wine drops to instantly ruin any table
cloth or haggadah
3. The Bitter Herb- this is your evil uncle Herb who won't stop complaining
about how long the seder is going
2. Wonder Woman - this is what we call your mom after doing so much work
f this h lid
for thi holiday
1. AfikoMan - If you can get to him first you hold the power to get
anything you want in this world!!!!!

          (NOTE: "anything you want in this world!!!!!" is limited to something
          less than $20 bucks that can be easily picked up at the RadioShack
          or RiteAid located next door to your dad's office)                                                                                                                                                 7
yachatz >>>                                               We break the middle matzah, put the bigger piece away for the afikomen

 Q. Why do we break the Matzah?                                                                                                                                  Seder Standup
 • It’s the way of the poor man to store something for later – who knows where his next meal will come from?
 • Pieces of broken crackers – can it get any more “Poor man’s Bread?”
 • Rabbi Shlomo Riskin mentions one of the reasons the matza is broken is because we are celebrating only partial salvation- until our full
   redemption to Jerusalem we will never have complete Matzah
                                                                                                                                                                                   Why did the matza baker
                                                                                                                                                                                   rob the bank? He needed
 Q. Break it? WHY!!!!!!?                                                                                                                                                           the dough.
 I don’t get it – most of my matzot come broken, so why do I need to break the ones that actually made it in one piece? The defining
 characteristic of matzah is that it didn’t have an opportunity to rise – it was ripped away from the stove before it could fully develop. Heck,
                                                      pp       y                   pp        y                                  y       p                                          Q: What's the best
 without any yeast – it didn’t have much of a chance of becoming something big to begin with! Now bread, bread is all blown up and bloated – a                                     cheese to eat on Pesach?
 fully developed specimen – it’s gone all the way. This distinction is no different than that of a child and an adult. Children are in the process of                              A: Matza-rella.
 becoming something (matzah) while adults are somewhat bloated, already reaching the end of their potential (chametz). Pesach celebrates the
 beginning of our history, of our life, of our opportunity as a nation. It is a night that we ask question upon question – they way a newly speaking                                What do actors wish
 child asks Why this and What’s that – with renewed intrigue and enthusiasm. But we’ve all done it before. It’s rote. It’s the same. It’s boring.
 No! says Yachatz. Break that! Become a child again! Don’t start this night until you break some matzah, break some preconceived notions,
                                                                                                                                                                                   each other before a big
 get back to basics! (Geoff Dworkin, NYC)                                                                                                                                          show on Passover?

 Breaking Up is Hard to do
 Yachatz means “Break apart”, Yachad means “Come together”, the only letter difference are the ending letters Daled and Tzadik, which makes                                        What was the best thing
 sense, since that spells “Dates.” (Bangachuver Rav discourses)                                                                                                                    BEFORE sliced
                                                                                                                                                                                   bread? Matzah?

The Symbolic Seder Numbers
Th S b li S d N       b                                                                                                                                                                 Seder Idol
                                                                                      ALL THE SINGLE LADIES (BEYONCE)                                                                   Singalong
                                                                                All the shmura matzas (all the shmura matzas)                           Cause Jews've cried our tears (tears)
                                                                                All the shmura matzas (all the shmura matzas)                           For 210 sad years (years)
                                                                                All the shmura matzas (all the shmura matzas)                           You can't be mad for JEws to be free
 Q Why 3 matzas?
 Q.                                                                             All the shmura matzas, now put your cups up
 There are many 3's in Judaism:                                                                                                                         Cause if you like it then you shoulda put
 •       Avraham, Yizchak, Yaakov
                                                                                Up late for the seder (club)                                            charoset on it
 •       Cohain, Levi, Yisroel                                                  We just broke the middle (Up)                                           If you like it then you shoulda put charoset on it
 •       Larry, Moe and Curly                                                   I'm doing my own hillel sandwich thing                                  Don't be mad once you see that he want it
 •       Mike D, Adrock, MCA                                                    You decided to double dip (dip)
 •       Shachris, Mincha, Maariv (3 prayers)                                                                                                           If you like it then you shoulda put charoset on it
 •       Bang. It. Out
          a g t Out.
                                                                                And now you ask for a parsnip (again)
 •       Shalosh Regalim (3 Major Jewish Holidays)                              Cause just another night this is not for Heebs                          Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
 •       3 things the World stands upon (Torah, Prayer,                         I'm up to Korech (him)                                                  Wha-oh-oh-oh-oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
         Kindness)                                                              He up to Baraich (me)
              Can you name 3 more?                                              Don't give him any afikomen                                                                                           8
         (also, anyone know why we break the #2?)

magid>>>>>                                                                           HA LACHMA ANYA “This is the Bread of our Affliction”

 Q: Bread of our Affliction? What happened to the                                                                                                              Seder Standup
 Freedom aspect?                                                                                                                                                      A British Jew is waiting in line to
                                                                                                                                                                      be knighted by the Queen. He is
 Didn’t we just mention that Matzah has two symbolisms? It was the poor bread that we were forced to eat during our bitter years of slavery in Egypt. And it
 was the bread of redemption that we had we ate as we hastened us out of Egypt into freedom! Why is only one of these mentioned here? And if only one                 to kneel in front of her and recite a
 is to be mentioned, surely the more appropriate one would be the positive one? Discuss....                                                                           sentence in Latin when she taps
                                                                                                                                                                      him on the shoulders with her
 Q. Now You Invite Guests? bit on the Late side, no?                                                                                                                  sword. However, when his turn
                                                                                                                                                                      comes, he panics in the
                                    Isn t                                        Besides we've                   Seda        started. Shouldn't
 Whoever is hungry come and eat! Isn't this a strange time to invite our guests? Besides, we ve already got this Seda’ thang started Shouldn t we invite
 our guest before we sit down for kiddush, karpas, yachatz? Truth is, we should. But symbolically the deeper reason why we rock these epic words is                   excitement of the moment and
 because so often those who fall into sudden fortune completely forget who they were, what it was like, how hard things were before everything changed.               forgets the Latin. Then, thinking
 How often do you hear of a person who hits the lottery, becomes famous, and suddenly forgets who they were before they became famous?? (only to be                   fast, he recites the only other
 come an infamous YouTube sensation (and is now on Celebrity fit club)?? The first and foremost message of the evening is that when things go well in                 sentence he knows in a foreign
 your life you should never forget where you came from. We were slaves! We were lowlifes and yes, the bread sucked. But Eureka – we are royalty now                   language, which he remembers
 “Come on in!” enjoy a warm meal (eventually), a heck of a story and a overly friendly uncle - cause we know what it’s like to need an open invite… So
 let’s enjoy our new found glory tonight but only by keeping a sensitivity to who we once were.                                                                       from the Passover seder: "Ma
                                                                                                                                                                      nishtana ha layla ha zeh mi kol ha
                                                                                                                                                                      laylot." Puzzled, Her Majesty turns
                                                                                                                                                                        y                         j y
                                                                                                                                                                      to her advisor and whispers, "Why
                                                                                                                                                                      is this knight different from all
                                                                                                                                                                      other knights?"

The Wise Son Trivia:
   Everything tonight has a dual aspect to it –
   Slavery and Freedom - spend a few minutes
   before you start and figure out if you can
   explain the dual meanings to the following
   essential Seder things:

                                                                                         Sh kb
                                                                                         Someone complaining the soup is too salty
                                                                                         Someone mispronouncing the
Strange Uncle making offbeat comments
                                                                                          word “Gamliel”, “Chaldean”, “Aramite”
Outstretched Arm
                                                                                         Hardboiled Egg
Actually listening and talking to your family
                                                                                         Imaginary visit from Elijah
Burning your mouth out with super hot marror                                                                                                                                                   9
ma nishtana >>>                                                                                                         we ask the four questions!
Q. The entire night is all about questions - From The 4 questions to                                                                                           Seder Standup
                  Why ll th
WHO KNOWS 1? Wh all the ?????
The Dubna Magid explains that when someone asks a questions about something it shows their true interest in knowing about it. They always
tell you at the end of a job interview to have a question prepared…because it shows your true interest in the job. Questions express your interest
in this whole Judaism thing. Let this be a night of questions, and lets hope this kicks off your year for exploration into the millions of other                                     Q. Why did the
questions you have about Judaism!
                                                                                                                                                                                     matzah quit his job?
                                                                                                                                                                                     A. Because he didn't
Q. Obvious 5th Question: Why 4 cups of wine tonight, instead of usual 1?                                                                                                             get a raise!!
                                                                                                                          person s
Rabbi Yakov Emden suggests that the Mah Nishtana is actually about the mixed messages of the evening: We eat poor person's bread and
maror on a night that should be about freedom, we dip twice- once like aristocrats at the beginning of a meal, and the second like people who
don't really have a main course and so try to fill up on cheap, raw vegetables. We recline while eating to express luxury, but we are still eating                                   Can I ask you 4
impoverished bread. The 4 cups, on the other hand, send a clear message of redemption and are not part of the internal contradiction.
Therefore, they aren't included. The questions thus underscore the significance and the mixed blessing of remembering not only redemption but                                        questions?
also our suffering, and likewise the happiness of remembering not only suffering, but salvation as well. (Elana Stein Hain, NYC)                                                     Ok, what's the second
Questions Breed Questions:                                                                                                                                                           Those that forget
Noam Zion makes an important and interesting observation about the importance of questions, and links the Mah Nishtana to the Four Sons. It
isn't always important how much you know or what you learned -sometimes the most important part of the pedagogic process is which questions                                          Passover leftovers
you ask (and which you don't). However, it isn't just important to have a question, but to have someone who will take it seriously and give a
thoughtful response. You can only ask a good question if you feel you are respected and taken seriously. Perhaps it's important to encourage
                                                                                                                                                                                     are doomed to
children (and adults) to ask all manner of questions at the seder and not just the ones programmed into the evening. Questions breed                                                 reheat it.
questions...which will lead to more learning! ASK AWAY!!! (Edie Aviva Molot,)

The Wi S T i i
Th Wise Son Trivia:                                                                                                                                                                Top
                                                                                                                                                                                   T 10 M tMost
We give the answer, you give the question!
A: Midrash
                                                                                                                                                                                 Popular Jewish
Q: What is a Middle east Skin disease?

A; The Gaza Strip
Q: What is an Egyptian Belly Dance?

     classroom             ceremony,
A: A classroom, a Passover ceremony and a latke
Q: What are a cheder, a seder, and a tater?                                                                                                          10. Are                 had        h
                                                                                                                                                     10 A you sure you h d enough to eat?        ?
                                                                                                                                                     9. How long ago did we eat meat?
A: Sofer                                                                                                                                             8. Why aren’t you married yet?
Q: On what do Jews recline on Passover?
                                                                                                                                                     7. Did you hear the news about (any name)? Nebech
A: Babylon                                                                                                                                           6. But is it a hot Kiddush?
Q: What does the rabbi do during some sermons?                                                                                                       5. Can we get a scholarship?
A: Filet Minyan                                                                                                                                      4. You paid how much?!
Q: What do you call steaks ordered by 10 Jews?                                                                                                       3. What kind of question is that?
                                                                                                                                                     2 Mi h ?
                                                                                                                                                     2. Mincha?
A: Kishka, sukkah, and circumcision
Q: What are a gut, a hut and a cut?                                                                                                                  1. Oh, you’re from (fill in any city in the world), Do you
And speaking of circumcisions: An enterprising Rabbi is offering circumcisions                                                                       know (fill in any random jewish name)
via the internet. The service is to be called... "E-MOIL."
(forwarded to by Elisheva Cantor)
Ma nishtana >>>                                                                                           the 4 questions in other languages
The Ma Nishtana in Yiddish
                                                                                                                                                                                                       TRY ONE! (Accent required)
Tateh (or zayde), ikh vill dir fregen die vier kashes.
Der Ershte kashe ikh vill dir fregen:Far vus is der nakht von Pesakh andisht von alle nakht von a ganze yahr? Far vus alle nakht von a ganze yahr as mir villen, essen mir khometz, und as mir villen, essen mir matzoh, aber der nakht von Pesakh essen mir
nur matzoh?
Aber kein khometz turen mir nisht essen. Hab ikh dir gefregt ein kashe.
Der zweite kashe ikh vill dir fregen: Far vus alle nakht von a ganze yahr as mir villen essen mir bissere grinsen, und as mir villen essen mir zissergrinsen? Aber der nakht von Pesakh essen mir nur bissere grinsen. Hab ikh dir gefregt zwei kashes.
Der dritte kashe ikh vill dir fregen: Far vus alle nakht von a ganze yahr tinken mir ein mul ekhnit eyn? Aber der nakht von Pesakh tinken mir eyn zwei mul? Ein mul tsibele in zalz vasser, und der zweite mul khrain and kharoset. Hab ikh dir gefregt drei
kashes. Der vierte kashe ikh vill dir fregen:
Far vus alle nakht von a ganze yahr as mir willen essen mir ziztendik, und as mir willen essen mir ungeshpart? Aber
der nakht von Pesakh essen mir alle ungeshpart? Yetzt hab ikh dir gefregt alle vier kashes. Heint entfir
mir ein tiretz von alle vier kashes.

The Ma Nishtana by a Teenager on Instant Messenger:

The Ma Nishtana in Ebonics
Why iz dis here night be different from all otha nights, ya dig sucka?
On all otha nights o' da year we's eat breads an' matzzile an' dis here night we's only eat stale matzas?
On all da otha nights o' da new years we's eat all types o' greens an' on dis here night we's eat marror? slap mah fro!
On all other nights o' da year we's never dip, but on dis here night we's dip twice? dang
On all other nights o' da year we's be sitting or reclining laid back, but on dis here night we's lean way back?

The Ma Nishtana in Pig Latin:
Ywhay isyay ityay atthay onyay allyay otheryay ightsnay uringday ethay yearay eway eatyay eitheryay eadbray oryay atzohmay, utbay onyay isthay ightnay eway eatyay onlyyay atzohmay? Ywhay isyay ityay atthay onyay allyay otheryay ightsnay eway
eatyay allyay indskay ofyay erbshay, utbay onyay isthay ightnay eway eatyay onlyyay itterbay erbshay? Ywhay isyay ityay atthay onyay allyay otheryay ightsnay eway oday otnay ipday ouryay erbshay evenyay onceyay, utbay onyay isthay ightnay eway
ipday emthay icetway? Ywhay isyay ityay atthay onyay allyay otheryay ightsnay eway eatyay eitheryay ittingsay oryay ecliningray, utbay onyay isthay ightnay eway eatyay inyay ayay ecliningray ositionpay?

Pourquoi cette nuit est-il différente de toutes autres nuits ?
Sur toutes nuits que nous ne trempons pas même une fois, sur cette nuit que nous trempons deux fois ?
Sur toutes nuits nous mangeons du pain ou matzah, et sur cette nuit seulement matzah ?
Sur toutes nuits nous mangeons n'importe quel genre de légumes, et sur ces herbes amères du soir !
Sur toutes nuits que nous mangeons asseyant le montant ou reposer, et sur cette nuit nous tout repose !

Warum diese Nacht verschieden von allen anderen Nächten ist?
Auf allen anderen Nächten tauchen wir sogar einmal, wir an dieser Nacht nicht ein eintauchen zweimal?
Auf allen anderen Nächten essen wir Brot oder matzah, und auf dieser Nacht nur matzah?
An allen anderen Nächten essen wir irgendeine Art der Gemüse, und an dieser Nacht bittere Kräuter!
An allen anderen Nächten essen wir sitzend aufrecht oder zurücklehnen, und an dieser Nacht wir alle lehnen zurück!

Perché questa notte è diversa da tutte le altre notti?
Su tutte le altre notti che non immergiamo anche una volta su questa notte che immergiamo due volte?
Su tutte le altre notti mangiamo il pane o il matzah, e su questa notte questo soltanto matzah?
Su tutte le altre notti mangiamo qualunque tipo di verdure, e su queste erbe di notte amare!
Su tutte le altre notti che mangiamo sedendo dritto o reclina, e su questa notte noi tutti postura reclinata!

Waarom is deze nacht verschillend van alle andere nachten?
Op alle andere nachten dalen wij zelfs eenmaal, wij op deze nacht niet dalen tweemaal?
Op alle andere nachten eten wij brood of matzah en op deze nacht enkel matzah?
Op alle andere nachten eten wij enig soort van groenten en op deze nacht bittere kruiden!
En op alle andere nachten eten wij zitten recht of leunen en op deze nacht wij iedereen leunt!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                Got Questions?
¿Por qué es esta noche diferente de todas las otras noches?
¿En todas las otras noches que nosotros no mojamos aún una vez, en esta noche que mojamos dos veces?
¿En todas las otras noches nosotros comemos pan o matzah, y en esta noche sólo matzah?
¡En todas las otras noches nosotros comemos cualquier clase de verduras, y en esta noche hierbas amargas!
¡En todas las otras noches que comemos sentarse vertical o recostar, y en esta noche que todos nosotros nos recostamos!                                                                                                                        11
Avadim hayinu >>>                                                                                                                    “we were slaves to pharaoh”
Q What’s so bad about being a Slave? Not a bad day job, right?                                                                                                                            Seder Standup
                                                                  people s Avodah Kasha                                 wasn t                   eh,
The Dubna Maagid explains that the worst part of the Jewish people’s “Avodah Kasha” hard back breaking labor wasn’t the fact that it was eh hard and back
breaking…rather the worst and most painful part was the purposelessness of the Jewish people’s work…The Egyptians tortured the Jewish people mentally as well as
physically. After all there is value in building a pyramid, but for it to be destroyed again and again for the humor of vicious Egyptian slave master is tortuous. Someone
who is engaged with doing nothing of purpose with their days may be as enslaved, as depressed, and as miserable as the Jewish People in Egypt…We should ensure
that our lives have meaning, progress and most of all purpose in whatever we do! (from R’ David Wilensky, Allentown PA)
                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Q: What do you call
Where is Moses, Moshe, Charleton Heston??                                                                                                                                                                        someone who
Has anyone noticed that the hero of the night (i..e. Moses) seems to be missing in this whole story? His name is only mentioned once (some hagadas even skip this                                                derives pleasure
part!) and there he is only mentioned ‘as the servant of Hashem’? How can this be? In the Torah his name is everywhere! Imagine the Ten Commandments without
Moses!? The idea here is that Moshe is not the star on Seder night, the star of the night is God and only Him. It is a night of growing and building our faith, emunah, in                                       from the bread of
something Higher than man. Sitting down with grandparents who sat at their grandparent's tables (some of who had Seders in the worst conditions imaginable (my
grandparents had seder on a boat from Shanghai, China after the War--I believe the US delivered matzohs to Hawaii!) and focusing on the Star of the night, which is
none other than Hashem. This might be why the final plague is death, as that is a time when most people realize how powerless they are in the greater scheme of life.                                            A: A matzochist.
The goal of the night in one sentence is to instill within our children and within ourselves that Hashem is always there for us even in the most difficult of circumstances
and even when it seems like we can never get out of such a bad situation, Hashem is always there for us. (R’ Yoni Henner, Jerusalem)

Egypt: Asphyxiation of the soul.
The word for Egypt in Hebrew is Mitzrayim. Those same letters produce Metzarim -- boundaries. Mitzrayim represented not only a profoundly debased spiritual level,
but limitations. If you don't have room to breathe, life can begin to feel suffocating, like the mikvah on erev rosh hashana. Pesach is the holiday for breaking through
those limitations, for breaking free of all those things that imprison us, for moving through the spiritual barriers, peer pressures and distractions that life (and Tivo) can
          us                                                                                                                            day.
throw at us. If we realize that this is the time to feel alive again then the next 8 days will be like waking up to no school on a snow day FREEDOM!

Rabbi Arye Levene Z”TL, the famous Jerusalem rabbi known as the
                                                                                                                                                                                                     Ten Q i k Cheesy
                                                                                                                                                                                                     T   Quick Ch
“Tzaddick in our Time” for his unparalleled kindness, used to
frequently visit Jewish inmates in prisons in Jerusalem (Grandfather
                                                                                                                                                                                                     Ways to Enhance
of the great R’ Abraham Levene Shlita of Lower Merion, PA) After
Pesach he asked the prisoners if they were able to have a real                                                                                                                                             your Seder
Passover Seder in their incarcerated state. They responded “Yes,
                                                                                                                                                                                 10 When that Dayanu song begins, so does the musical chairs
everything was exactly the same, except when it came time for the
                    didn’t                       doors!!!!!”
cup of Elijah; they didn t let us open the front doors!!!!!
                                                                                                                                                                                 9 Wh someone asks a question, you answer with a Magic
                                                                                                                                                                                 9. When                k         ti                ith M i
"And what about freedom, did you feel like free men?” asked Rabbi
                                                                                                                                                                                 Eight Ball
Levene. The inmates, locked behind bars, were a bit confused.
                                                                                                                                                                                 8. Following every long paragraph, you break in to a quick
                                                                                                                                                                                 rendition of Fiddler of the Roof
Rabbi Levene explained that a true free man isn’t necessary a
                                                                                                                                                                                 7. Each time the word "Egypt" is mentioned you and grandma do
physical thing, but rather a mental state. Someone who is free is
                                                                                                                                                                                 a shot of Manishevitz
someone who has full control over his own thoughts and ultimately
                                                                                                                                                                                 6. Bnei Brak Up-All-Night Learning paragraph followed by a
his actions.
                                                                                                                                                                                 spontaneous Lionel Ritchie "All Night Long" sing along!
No urge, passion or external influence has any power over a free
                                                                                                                                                                                 5. Demand Latkas
                      ,         ,
man’s man. Freedom, Chairus, doesn’t mean life of Hefkerut
                                                                                                                                                                                 4 Go around the table and have each relative say which one of
(lawlessness), it is means a life of true control over one’s thoughts,
                                                                                                                                                                                 the 4 SONS they were most like when they were kids (T.M.I?)
desires, and actions. No matter where one is, being free is all a state
                                                                                                                                                                                 3. Sing Britney Spears' "Slave for you" at any point during the
of mind. (fom Rabbi Pesach Krohn)
                                                                                                                                                                                 2. Instead of hiding the afikomen, you eat it.
                                                                                                                                                                                 1 The obvious: Walk like an Egyptian                12
Maaseh bBnei Brak>>>                                                                                                                             “it happened in Bnei Brak”
Q Who is visiting whom in Bnei Brak ?                                                                                                                                            Seder Standup
   Akiva li ed           Brak. But Akiva as        Elie er’s student! Wh         as               Eliezier    ho’s hometown as Lud
R’ Aki a lived in Bnae Brak B t R’ Aki a was R’ Eliezer’s st dent! Why the was the senior R’ Elie ier – who’s hometo n was in L d – home of the Sanhedrin – coming
to visit his student’s house?? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Making this question even more puzzling is the talmud Succah 33B, where R’ Eliezer stated he
“never goes away for Yom Tov!!” What’s the dealeo? – Why suddenly was there an all night torah slumber party at R’ Akiva’s house?
The answer is that these rabbis all lived in the generations that directly followed the destruction of the temple, a very dark and sad time for our people. No one kept the
optimism and the excitement for better times like R’ Akiva - as described in the end of the Talmud in Makkos – which explains how R’ Akiva was able to see the best
things (3rd Temple) in the worst situations (animals in the temple ruins). For this reason, he became the spiritual anchor of his time, and all the rabbis came to R’ Akiva
for gain from his unbeatable faith and optimism. Note: Check the last letters of each word in the pasuk: oR zaruA latzadicK, ulyishraI LaV SimchA
Its R’ A K I V A! - anyone who can see the best in the worst situation – shows the endurance of a true believer a true tzadik.                                                           Q: You hear about
Q Is there any point in this “All night learning in Bnei-                                                                                                                                the synagogue of
                                                                                                                                                                                         only Jewish
B k”? Th             b      h    !( h kb
Brak”? Throw me a bone here! (shank bone preferably)f  bl )                                                                                                                              Democrats in 2010?
The 5 Rabbis (Rabbi Eliezer, Rabbi Yehoshua, Rabbi Elazar Ben Azaryah, Rabbi Akiva, and Rabbi Tarfon) who sat up all night in B’nei Brak discussing the seder, until
their alarm clock students came to inform them that it was time to say the morning “Kriat Shema.” The length of their exposition is extraordinary unto itself, but even
more amazing when you see who these Rabbis are. Their names appear throughout the Talmud, so it is no surprise that they can engage in lengthy discourse on
                                                                                                                                                                                         A: It’s called Bnei
matters of Judaism. But this particular conversation was important, because as they went over the Haggadah, telling of how Hashem had saved their forefathers, they                      Barack
could have technically been called liars. Yep. L I A R S. See, none of them were descended from slaves. All of their ancestors had either been converts, who obviously
had not been in Egypt at the time, or from the tribe of Levi (including Kohanim), which Egypt had exempted from slavery, as the Priestly class. So while we are
commanded to see ourselves as if we, today, were being brought out of Egypt like our forefathers, these Sages would have thought back to their ancestors’ lives of
relative luxury! How could they possibly be so involved in a story that didn’t directly concern them or their family! From here, we learn a powerful lesson about
Passover, and ourselves. The Jewish people is one entity- though we have different names, and occupy (vastly) different branches of the family tree, we are still inter-
connected, and our fates inextricably tied to one another. If one Jew suffers, than it is incumbent upon all of us to alleviate that suffering. (Of course, though possibly on
a different level, the same applies to all mankind- we share our world and origins, and are required to help anyone we can). Something that happens to our proverbial
neighbor most definitely concerns us. This unity of experience, and consequent unity of purpose, should drive us every day, just as it drove those Rabbis, who rather
than saying, “At least my family wasn’t enslaved,” proclaimed, “My people was enslaved- my brethren were oppressed- let us celebrate their redemption and ours, and
let us pray for G-d to redeem us again!” And indeed that is the lesson of Passover- the Jewish people seem to be the most adept in the world at drawing lines between
one Jew and his fellow. We incorrectly allow our external differences to indicate that we are different inside, as well- and thus we are enslaved by our own conflicts. Let
us learn the lessons of the seder- free ourselves from our self-imposed slavery by recognizing that unity in our people can bring the ultimate redemption. (Steven
Schwartzberg, NY, NY )

Why was this Studying All Night? Was there a pop quiz in the AM?
It once happened that Rabbi Eliezer, Rabbi Yehoshua, Rabbi Elazar Ben Azaryah, Rabbi Akiva and Rabbi Tarfon were reclining in Bnei Brak. They were discussing the
Exodus from Egypt all that night until their students came and said to them: "Our teachers, the time has arrived to read the morning Shema."
The Haggadah proves that no matter how great and wise you are, you can still grow. These great rabbis were talking all night about the Exodus. When they finished
their meal, they continued to discuss and probe. They talked about freedom: "Are we trapped? What's holding us back?"
They talked about the Red Sea: "What would you have done as you were crossing the sea? Would you have jumped in? How would you have felt walking through the
water?" And they talked about the blood on the door post. Actually most people think the blood was on the outside of the post, so the angel of death would pass over.
Really, though, the blood was on the inside of the post. The Jews sat there that first Passover night, staring at the blood. They were going to walk out of Egypt in the
morning and enter into a covenant with God.
How would you have felt that night before you left?
The rabbis worked all night on these ideas. We should, too. (Rabbi Tom Meyer

What animal do you think best represents the seder?

Elazar Ben Azarya> “when do we eat the korban pesach”
Q “I am like a man of 70?” Huh?                                                                                                                                                  Seder Standup
Gemara in Brachos tells us the background of this quote. Rav Elazar ben Azaria, was actually an 18 year old Talmudic genius, and he had been chosen to become the
Nasi (President of the Rabbinate). When he came home and told his wife, she tried very hard to dissuade him from accepting the offer because of all of the headaches
associated with the gig. He then tells her: "Should one not drink out of a crystal glass for fear of it breaking?" ( yes, that is up there for the coolest Talmud oneliners of              Who is behind Pharaoh's
all time). Bottom line: You can't use the possibility of something going wrong as an excuse to not try it out. Which ultimately led his wife to say to him “But even so, how                Evil Empire?
can you be the Nasi, you're beard isn't even white!”.. That night Hashem turned Rabbi Elazar Ben Azaryah’s beard white as indicated in the Hagaddah—“I am Like a
                                                                                                                                                                                            Darth Seder
man of Seventy Years old” Keshivim shana (he was only 18 but suddenly overnight he looked like he was 70). Remember this: You want something bad enough,
nothing can hold you back, the Ribono ShelOlam makes sure of it. (Michael Parker, Los Angeles, CA)
                                                                                                                                                                                            What was the name of the
                                                                                                                                                                                            Secret Spy for the Jews in
Rabbi Eleazar ben Azaryah said…Talk about a non-sequitor!                                                                                                                                   Egypt?
                                                                  mitzrayim                      story                  reason,
Here we are trying to get underway our mitzvah of sipur yitziat mitzrayim, telling the Exodus story, and with no clear reason the author of the haggadah includes this
somewhat irrelevant piece about the daily mitzvah of zechirat yitziat mitzrayim, remembering the Exodus. But perhaps there is some relevance. There are three                               Bondage, James Bondage
components to the mitzvah of sipur yitziat mitzrayim (talking about it) that make it distinct from zechirah(remembering): 1) While reading to oneself may suffice for
zechirah, sipur must be done in a question/answer dialectic; 2) while simply mentioning the end result – leaving Egypt – may suffice for zechirah, sipur requires a
                                                                                                                                                                                            Who is the Celebrity Queen
discussion of the process, particularly our passage from a miserable situation to a praiseworthy one; and 3) the various mitzvot of the night must be discussed in some
detail (e.g., pesach, matzah, maror).                                                                                                                                                       of the Seder?
Given these unique components of sipur, perhaps the function of Rabbi Eleazar ben Azaryah’s statement is to function as a prelude to performing the mitzvah of sipur.                       MatZsah Zsah Gabor
Every night an individual is required to remember the Exodus but tonight, the requirements have changed. We must revise our approach if we are to fulfill the mitzvah
of sipur. And with the conclusion of this story, we are thrust right into the sipur dynamic: The four Sons (question / answer); In the beginning our forefathers served
idols… and built for us the Beit Habechirah to atone for all our sins (process) and finally, Raban Gamlielel (discussion of seder night mitzvoth). Not too irrelevant after
all. (Geoff Dworkin, NYC)

                                                                                                                                                                                 R’ Elazar ben Azarya
Q “Not until I heard the words of Ben Zoma…”
As mentioned above R’ Elazar Ben Azarya was only 18 when he was appointed head of the rabbinate! In our hagadah it describes how he learned the source of the
mitzvah of mentioning the exodus at night comes from a teaching of a sage named “Ben Zoma”…but what’s also interesting about this seemingly arbitrary reference is
that Ben Zoma is well known for another classical sagely teaching from Pirkei Avos: Ben Zoma Said: Who is Wise? One who learns from every man! It is possible that
R’ Elaza Ben Azarya was actually crediting Ben Zoma for this sagely advice! As R’ Elazar Benn Azarya was certainly intimidated to take the responsibility of the nasi at
such a young age. But once he learned the teaching of Ben Zoma, that wisdom has nothing to do with age, it’s one’s ability to learn from any situation and from any                                      70, 18? Since
person that makes a wise man. This teaching may have inspired R; Elazar Ben Azarya to step up to the plate and achieve the greatness he’d been chosen for – to lead
the Jewish people…
                                                                                                                                                                                                          when does
                                                                                                                                                                                                          age make a
Baruch Hamakom Baruch Hu >>> Blessorama?
                             q         ,                                                   ,       y
Rabbi Shimon Shwab asks the question, what is with the Name “Makom” used here as G-d's name, usually the name
"Makom" is used in moments of terrible loss.

For example, in the house of a mourner one uses the term “HaMakom Yinachaym Etchem…” “May G-d Comfort you..." So
what's the deal? That name seems to be only used in places where you think G-d is not. And judging by all the learning,
discussion and cheesy bangitout Torah jokes tonight, G-d is certainly in da house! Rabbi Shwab clears it up for us with the
following - Really we invoke the name of Makom in times when we need to recognize most that G-d has a master plan for us
even when we are at our wit's end, during the most confusing and hardest moments in life. We realize that in some way it is
all for the best, and we praise G-d with this name at those instances. At the seder, when we mention an Evil Son, the Rasha
one might be quick to think that Judaism just gives up on those kids. Not so - in fact we praise G-d here for those type of kids.
The Hagadah invokes the name of Hamakom here to remind us that even for the most far off, terrible and seemingly
hopeless of children, we are reminded that G-d has an ultimate plan. SO BLESS TO THAT!

The Four Sons >>>                                                                                       Ringo, Paul, George, John?
                                           The Four Sons – ITS A FAMILY AFFAIR!
                                                                                                                                              Seder Standup                                 Older Brother:
                                           The Missing Son: The Lubovitcher Rebbi ZT”L always said there is a fifth son we                                                                  "Hooray! Hashem
                                           must also teach, that is the son who doesn’t even make it to the seder table dinner.                                                             h f d us f
                                                                                                                                                                                            has freed     from
                                                                                                                                                                                            We're free! I'm
                                              Four or One? Are there really 4 sons here, or are these four characteristics
                                           that we find in ourselves. Some say we are all a composite of these four at one                                                                  Younger Brother:
stage or other in our lives.: Rebellious, Apathetic, Brilliant, Simple? Heck, you could be all of these during this seder alone!                                                            "So what? I'm four!"

Do you know 1? How about 366? So you think you can be the wise son…. Let’s see:
Jews don’t do violence – what’s with knocking out the wicked son’s teeth? It’s to teach him a lesson. The numerical value of
Rasha (Wicked) is 570. The numerical value of Tzadik (Righteous) is 204. Q: What’s the difference between the two? A: The
wicked son’s teeth! (Sheinav) 366. The Wicked son is sitting at the seder table and not listening to the story or the message
of Passover. He is actively excluding himself with his statements (“What is this that you are doing?”) What do you do to get
him to stop making snide remarks? Keep him quiet by taking out his teeth. If the Wicked son lost his teeth (570-366=…) he’d
pay attention to the miracles, begin to understand why we are doing the seder, and maybe get a big righteous (204!)

Rabbi Aaron Soloveichik always points out how strange it is that 3 of the sons are described by their intellect and one (the
Rasha) by his moral activity, or lack thereof… His answer is that the TAM (Simple Son) is actually supposed to be TAMIM –
the (Pure Son). So that actually its The Wise Son vs. The One Who Doesn’t know how to Ask and it is the Evil Son vs. the
Pure Son face off. Which evens out the playing field!

Trivia: Some say that each son corresponds to each of the 4 Questions. What are the connections? ??? Think!

  p        y
Top Ten Ways You Know                                                      p
                                                                      Top Ten Sons Left Out of                                                Top Ten Signs you have what
Your Son Isn’t The Wise                                               the Seder                                                               it takes to be the Wise Son
 :                                                                     10. The "30-year-old-still-single" Son, If he would just get a date,   10. You ate before you got to this shindig
Son:                                                                             Dayienu
                                                                        9. The Wise Ass Son: You ask him to do anything he responds:
                                                                                                                                              9.     Instead of 4 questions, you have one: “Relatives with
                                                                                                                                              combovers, WTF?”
 10. He used up all the saltwater on Urchatz                                     “Tonight I am a free man”                                    8.     You already figured out triage for the post plague Egyptian
 9. Asks you what page is it in the Rosh Hashana Machzor                8. The Borderline Alcoholic Son, "Can we get a little more wine in    ER
                                                                                 this Charoset please?“                                       7.     You are baffled by why the Jews were in such a rush to bake
 8.Thought the 6th Plague was ‘Don’t Steal’                                                                                                   bread, if God tells them days before they’ll need to make Matzah
 7 Asks what other kinds of fish can be used to make                                           g      g problem: (
                                                                        7. The Son with a slight Weight p                      pp g
                                                                                                                     (You’re dipping in
                                                                                 saltwater, he’s dipping in chicken gravy)                    6.     You truly admire the rabbis who realized that theft, blackmail
 Carp-as                                                                6. The So Last Year son: Still hopes to get laughs with Bangitout     and parental extortion are the only things that can keep kids
 6. Wonders why there is no honey around to dip the                              Madoff Seder jokes                                           awake
 apples into                                                            5. The Political Son: When asked “Who wants Matzoh Balls? He          5.     You know the ‘full’ gematria of Matzah is 190, you know that
 5. Confuses 4 Questions, with 21 Questions (“Is it                              calls for an immediate referendum                            the Jews were redeemed 190 years earlier than originally
 something round on this table?”)                                       4. The "Fallen off the face of the Planet" Son, nobody knows          prophesied and you finish complex blackboard math equations
                                                                                 where he has been but always shows up for the holidays       while working as a Janitor at MIT
 4. Keeps asking when Elijah will come down the chimney                                                                                       4 . You realize that all this detailed talk about the Exodus is a
 3. Really wants to know how Egyptians became so stupid                          with new facial hair
                                                                        3. The Feminine Son, who asks "Does anyone mind if I sing Mah         great way to avoid talking to your family about your substandard
 during the plague of Dumb                                                       Nishtana to the tune of Rent?" (Why is my son different      l    life
                                                                                                                                              love lif
 2. Asks if he can read the part of Charlton Heston                              from all other sons?)                                        3. You’d make a really lame Wicked Son
 1. He already ate the afikomen                                         2. The son who still brags about “how late his Seder went“ note:      2. . You cherish the irony that on the one night to celebrate
                                                                                 he’s 45                                                      national freedom, you’re stuck in familial bondage
                                                                        1. The daughter                                                       1     Finally gives a reason for your dad to say “Like father like
                                                                                                                                              son”                                                    15
“The Jewish Nation Started as Idol Worshippers!”
Matzah and Chometz - the difference one letter can make:                                                                                                                 Seder Standup
The difference between chometz and matzah is one letter Hay/Ches – really it is just one line – add it
and you have the same word - it can be confusing. In the same vien, sometimes things in life aren't                                                                                               What did the Red Sea say
                                                                                                                                                                                                  to the Jews when it was
always clear and there is a grey area between what is real (matzah) and what is fluff (chometz).                                                                                                  split?
The word "matzah" has a Hay in it, which is the letter that hinges on the little yud, representing                                                                                                Nothing. It just waved.
Hashem, and the 10 (yud) could also stand for the ten commandments (not to mention the bangitout
top tens). If we remember that the little yud is our foundation, behind everything we do we have the                                                                                              Why wouldn't Moses let
                                                                                                                                                                                                  anyone use his staff? He
spark of Hashem behind our intentions then our actions and decisions will always be guided on the                                                                                                 couldn't part with it.
right path. Bring it .
                                                                                                                                                                                                  What did Joseph use to
                                                                                                                                                                                                  call his brothers from jail?
What is with this all over the place Hagadah? Can’t we just stick to                                                                                                                              His cell phone.

the Exodus story here!!??
The Malbim says that the entire Haggadah is structured based on the Pasuk that is the Mitzvah to tell the story:
"VeHigadeta LeVincha Bayom HaHu Leimor Baavur Zeh Asah Hashem Li Betzeitzi MiMitzrayim."                                                                        We were IDOL
1) VeHigadeta - we begin the Haggadah by relating some of the laws of Sippur Yetzias Mitzrayim
2) LeVincha - the four sons
3) Bayom HaHu - the paragraph I would have thought that we could fulfill the mitzvah on Rosh Chodesh, etc. no, it has to be tonight when we actually left
4) Leimor - the main event, darshuning Arami
5) Baavur Zeh - Zeh means you point to something, the pesach matzah and maror (the three things we have to mention)
6) Asah Hashem Li - the paragraph that we have to view ourselves as leaving Mitzrayim
7) Betzeitzi MiMitzrayim - Betzeis Yisroel MiMitzrayim is in Hallel.
cool. (r’ Etan Moshe Berman, Yeshiva University)

Top Ten Signs your uncle has                                                                                                                                                             Top 10 Most Popular
had way more than four cups                                                                                                                                                               Egyptian Reality TV
of wine:                                                                                                                                                                                              Shows
10. You are singing Dayaynu, he is singing Lady Gaga
9. Invokes "Tonight I am free man" when asked politely
                                                                                                                                                            10. Egyptian Idol: 24 contestants vie to worship a sun god
to not lick the charoset from the bowl                                                                                                                      9.                                              favorite
                                                                                                                                                            9 No Deal or No Deal - Pharaoh's personal fa orite
8, He’s suddenly reading the Hagadah in a Australian                                                                                                        8. $25,000 Pyramid
                                                                                                                                                            7. The Amazing Race - 600,000+ people journey across a sea, a barren
accent (G’day Karpas Vegemite)
                                                                                                                                                            desert to reach a mountain top
7. Two words: Manischewitz Pong                                                                                                                             6. So You Think You Can Walk (like an Egyptian)?
6. He adds “tomorrow’s hangover “ to the list of                                                                                                            5. Egypt's Got Talent! - lot of snake-to-stick acts to follow
                                                                                                                                                            4. Flavor of Blood
                                                                                                                                                            3. Project Runaway
5. When you refill his cup, he says make it a double                                                                                                        2. Extreme Makeover Plague Edition- This family's house was filled with frogs,
4. After dripping wine for the plagues, he slurps your                                                                                                      pelted by hail, ravaged by animals, infested with lice and locusts, and worst of
                                                                                                                                                            all, their light bulbs never seem to work
                                                                                                                                                            1. Survivor: Firstborn
3. He's totally double fisting the 3rd cup
2 During benching he asks “when do we eat?”
1. Passover to him means is to be passed out before
V’hee SheAmda/Tzei U’Lemad >>>                                                                                                                                                    Go Learn
Wrong Parsha!! Shouldn’t we be reading Exodus? “An Aramean Sought to do
     g                               g                        g                                                                                                                                  p
                                                                                                                                                                                     Seder Standup
Destroy us” is from Deuteronomy!?
Anyone have any clue where this quote is originally from? It is actually found in the Torah (dvarim 26:5) in regards to Bikkurim, the commandment to bring your first
fruits to the Temple. (Which seems strange, as if you were going to tell the story of the Exodus, you’d think we’d be reading from Exodus!) So, as my 8th grade rebbi
used to ask, what’s that got to do with the price of tea in China? (regional variant: Bejip) There is a close connection between bikkurim and the seder night. Both are                      A congregant says to his
offerings of thanks to G-d for his generosity! Saving our lives from Egypt, and blessing us with fruit! R’ Yerachamiel Yisroel of Alexander says that both mitzvot have a                     Rabbi:“I’ve been having
Talking obligation, by bikkurim the commandment is to “respond and declare” praise when bringing your fruit goodies, so too on seder night, where we are all about                             martial problems…my
talking. The more one talks, the more praiseworthy! Hey that’s the name of the holiday: Peh Sach= The mouth speaks!
                                                                                                                                                                                              wife has been avoiding
                                                                                                                                                                                              me for weeks now and
Go out and Learn? Now? Isn t the Seder The Ultimate FAMILY Time?                                                                                                                               I’ve been thinking that
Our Hagada begins with the phrase, “Tzei Ulemad Mah Bikesh Lavan Ha'arami La'asot”. Two questions emerge. Why begin with the word Tzei, which literally means
go out? Learning generally takes place within the home and not outside. This is particularly true during the Seder night when we were told V'ish Lo Tetzei Mifteach                          they must have named a
Beito, man was not to leave his house in Mitzraim. Rav interprets the phrase “Ein Maftirin Achar Hapesach Afikoman” as “Shelo Y’akru Mechaburah Lechaburah,” that                             Jewish holiday after my
one should not leave his group after consuming the Korban Pesach (Pesachim 119b). Why, then, would we begin the paragraph with the directive Tzei? Second, why                                      married life."
do we insert this paragraph immediately following “V'he She'amdah Lavoteinu V'lanu?”
                                                                                                                                                                                                 "Which one?" Rabbi
We find the word Tzei used in Parshat Noach following the flood. Hashem instructs Noach, Tzei Min Hatevah, Leave the ark. Why was it necessary for Hashem to                                           asked.
instruct Noach to leave the ark? One would have expected that once the water receded Noach would have left the ark even without a command from Hashem.                                               "Passover."
Apparently, Noach contemplated the option of remaining in the ark. Having witnessed an entire world destroyed as a result of moral corruption, Noach doubted whether
it was worth investing the effort to rebuild the world. If the world is going to be destroyed a second time, why bother rebuilding it? Hashem had to implore Noach to
leave the ark and begin the reconstruction of the world. A similar theme emerges in the context of the Seder. We have just stated “Shelo Echad Bilvad Amad Aleinu
Lichloteinu.” Not only did Pharaoh rise and attempt to destroy us, the Spaniards, the Poles, and the Germans all have tried to eradicate Am Yisrael. Many have
regrettably said, Be a Jew at home and a general citizen when interacting with society. Yaakov may have felt this way when he was about to encounter Esav having
just escaped the clutches of Lavan. But Yaakov responded, I lived with Lavan, but I kept the 613 Mitzvot. Go out to the world and make a resounding statement that
with the assistance of Hashem we will repel each challenge and to remain a vibrant, unique people dedicated to the word of Hashem.
(derived from Rabbi Yosef Adler – Kol Torah TABC)

A Brief Historical Look into Every Generation:
  430 BCE      Slavery in Egypt. (Passover)
  356 BCE      Haman attempts genocide of the Jews. (Purim)
  138 BCE      Greek government outlaws the practice of Judaism in Israel. (Chanukah)
  486 CE       Monks and mobs burn synagogue, dig up a Jewish cemetery, and burn bones.
  624          Mohammed watches as 600 Jews are decapitated in Medina in one day.
  640          Jews expelled from Arabia.
  1096         First crusade: Thousands of Jews tortured and massacred.
  1146         Second crusade: Thousands of Jews butchered across Europe.
  1200s        Blamed for causing the Black Plague -- murdered in Frankfort, Speyer, Koblenz, Mainz, Cracow
  1290         Jews expelled from England.
  1306         Jews expelled from France.
  1349         Jews expelled from Hungary.
  1391         Spain: Seville, Majorca, Barcelona - tens of thousands killed.
  1394         Second expulsion from France.
  1400's       Jews accused of murdering Christian children and baking matzah with the blood.
  1421         Jews expelled from Austria.
  1492         Jews expelled from Spain; Inquisition.
  1496         Jews expelled from Portugal
  1500s        Marranos are burned in Mexico, Portugal, Peru, and Spain.
  1553         The Talmud is burned in Italy.
  1648-66      Cossacks, Poles, Russians, and Swedes massacre Jews.
  1744         Jews expelled from Bohemia and Moravia.
  1818         Pogroms in Yemen.
  1840         Blood libel in Damascus.
  1862         General Ulysses S. Grant expels Jews from Tennessee.
  1882         Pogroms in Russia.

  1930s-40s    Official Canadian reply to most Jewish pleas for refuge: "Unfortunately, though we greatly sympathize with your circumstance, at present you cannot be admitted.

  1939-45      Six million Jews are annihilated across Europe.
  1948-67      Arab nations launch attacks to annihilate the States of Israel. Fearing for their lives, Jews flee Algeria, Iraq, Syria, Yemen, Egypt.
  1917-91      The study of Hebrew is a "crime against the state" in the Soviet Union.
Dam, Aish, VSimros Ashan!> We drip wine for these 3
Q. Why do we do anything special for these three things:                                                                                                                     Seder Standup
Blood, Fire and Pillar of Smoke?                                                                                                                                                                     Two Egyptians walked
This is a quote from the book of Yoel, which speaks of the WONDERS that Hashem will do in the future. There are those who say that one must drip out 16
                                                                                                                                                                                                     into a bar and called for
dorps of wine, as it has a lot of significane for exampe there are those who say the 16 drops corresponds to the 16 sided sword of HKB"H (see Yalkut
Shimoni, Tehillim 31:717), which corresponds to the 16 aliyot (Torah sections read) during the week. Shemot 15:3 begins with a yud and ends with a vav (yud                                          the bartender. "I'll have
and vav equaling 16) and describes Hashem as a warrior. This quoted by Eliezer ben Moshe HaDarshan as an allusion to the sword. While there are varying                                              a glass of blood," said
opinions as to why the wine is spilled, the great Spanish commentator, the Abrabanel, explained that one should remove wine from the cup because wine is
a sign of rejoicing, and one should not rejoice when an enemy falls. How the wine is spilled varies from family to family: some pour the wine out directly
from the cup and some flick the wine out with their finger. Really depends on what kind of stain you want on your plate, tablecloth, hagadah and naturally,                                          “Make mine a double,"
brand new white kitul.    Many authorities also stress not to, get this, LICK YOUR FINGERS afterwards! (even if you are starving) For that would signify                                             said the other.
taking pleasure in someone else’s pain. …right on!
                                                                                                                                                                                                     "Okay," replied the
Q Passover & TishaBav always come out on the same day                                                                                                                                                bartender, "That'll be
                                                                                                                                                                                                     one Dum and one
WHY?                                                                                                                                                                                                 Dumber."
Heck, the Egg in saltwater is a tradition we do before fast days! The first half of the seder feels does feel like a fast but com'on? The answer lies in the last
line of the Hagadah, if you make it up that late. We say 'Next year in Jerusalem' Why? Because the temple was destroyed and we want to get back to that
time of sacrificial steak sandwiches (from Prime Grill?) and beer in ole Jerusalem. But how do we get to the days of old? The Haggadah has the answer (to
everything I think). Think back: Why was the temple was destroyed: Baseless hatred. i.e., when a group of brothers hate one enough to fake his death and
sell him to slavery That is the first dipping of the night (Josephs coat in the blood). If we learn from our mistakes that got us into this mess, we can learn to
            slavery.                                                            blood)                                                      mess
fix it and be unified, like the eged (hyssop branch) which we dipped the blood to paint our doorposts at the time of redemption. The eged, which btw means
unity, is the key. A night like the seder that brings us together is bringing us one meal closer to plowing El Gouchos 22oz steaks in the times of moshiach.
                                                                                                                                                                                               T   Ten f il d
                                                                                                                                                                                               Top T   failed
                                   This year in                                                                                                                                                  Promotions?
                                   Jerusalem.                                    To tune of Take me out to the Ballgame
                                                                                 Take me out to the Seder                                                           10. US ARMY - "THE ARMY OF 'who knows ONE?“
                                                                                 Take me out to the crowd                                                           9. Animal Awareness Passover Campaign - "Frogs are our
                                                                                                                                                                                                         p g          g
                                                                                 Feed me some matzah and charoses                                                    friends, not a plague."
                                                                                 I'm a King now, to Egypt we're never going back
                                                                                 Cause it root root root for Moshe Rabbeinu                                         8. American Red Cross - "This Passover, lets make rivers of
                                                                                 Had to break the luchas what a shame!                                               blood“
                                                                                 For it's one, two, ...four cups of wine                                            7. Lenox Hill OBGYN - "We wont throw your newborn into
                                                                                 At the ole seder plate!
                                                                                                                                                                     the Nile“
                                                                                                                                                                    6. Adoption Promotion Week - "Drop your unwanted
                                                                              To the "SILVER SPOONS" TV Theme Song
                                                                              Here we are, face to face
                                                                                                                                                                     children in a basket in the NYC Reservoir, for less
                                                                              A Candle & a Wooden Spoon                                                              fortunate parents to find!“
                                                                              Hopin’ to find, the leavened kind                                                     5. D'Angelo's Barber Shop: "Free lice check with every
                                                                              Making it dust, burning's a must.                                                      haircut“
                                                                                                                                                                    4. Republic of China's Population Control Agency - Death
                                                                              Together, we’re going to find bread today                                              of the first born commemorative pins
                                                                              Bedika, searching the erev pesach night away.                                         3. Ebay: "Your Afikomen is worth a lot more than that"
                                                                              To search all about for those 10 things you just can’t find.
                                                                                                                                                                    2. Radioshack: "You've Got 4 questions, We've Got
                                                                              Wooden Spoon & Candle together.                                                        Answers“
                                                                              You and I bedika (saying Kol Chamira today)                                           1. Kosher For Passover Ex-Lax, now in new Matzah
                                                                              You and I bedika (we’re going to burn it all away)                                     strength: "Ex-odus"
                                                                              You and I BEDIKA.

10 plagues!> We drip wine for each of the plagues
                                                     Some rabbis connect the 10 plagues to the 10 commandments!
                                                            See if you can come of with some connections
                                                                                                                                                                   Top Ten Plagues
                                                     The 10 Plagues
                                                     1. Dam              Blood
                                                                                           The 10 Commandments
                                                                                           I am Your God
                                                                                                                                                                  That Didn't Quite
                                                     2. Tzfardeah
                                                     3. Kinim
                                                                                           You should have no other Gods
                                                                                            Don’t Take God’s name in vain
                                                                                                                                                                          Make It:
                                                     4. Arov             Wild Animals      Keep the Sabbath                                   10. Persistently high interest rates
                                                     5. Dever            Disease on cattle Honor your Parents                                 9. Paying 2.00 dollars for a cup of coffee
                                                     6. Shchin           Boils             You shall not murder                               8. Facebook mob wars
                                                     7 Barad             Hail              You shall not commit adultery                      7 A hour t long with your extended f il
                                                                                                                                              7. An h     too l       ith        t d d family
                                                     8 Arbeh             Locusts           You shall not steal                                6. A Very Special episode of The “Jersey Shore” Seder
                                                     9. Chosech          Darkness          You shall not bear false witness                   5. Incapacitating flatulence
                                                     10 Makat Bechorot Death of First Born You shall not covet                                4. No cell phone reception in Pharaoh's Palace
                                                                                                                                              3. Stranded on an Island with the Shamwow guy
                                                                                                                                              2. Warm Grape Juice
                                                                                                                                              1. Radio stations playing 'Walk Like an Egyptian' 24-7

                                                                                                                                               Top Ten Seder Recipes for the
                                                                                                                                               Plagued Cook
                                                                                                                                               10. Watercress covered in Blood Orange Vinaigrette
                                                                                                                                               9. Frog Leg Fiesta (great in cholent)
                    To the Theme of "Happy Days"                                               The Frogs Song!                                 8. Angel Hair with lice, ehr, rice
                        Dam, Tzafadaya, unhappy plagues,                              One day king Pharaoh awoke in his bed,
                         Kinim, Arbah, unhappy p g
                               ,       ,       ppy plagues,,                      There were frogs in his bed and frogs on his head.
                                                                                                g                    g
                                                                                                                                               7. Basil Pesto-lence
                         Dever, Schin, unhappy plagues,                               Frogs on his nose and frogs on his toes.                 6. Wild rice
                         Darkness comes, what a plague,                                        Frogs here, frogs there,                        5. Boiled Tongue with fiery gravy drizzle
                          Will you finally free the Jews?!                                Frogs were jumping everywhere.
                                                                                                                                               4. Hail Caesar Salad
                              This Passover is ours                                                                                            3. Low-custard
                     Let My People Go. (Oh Happy Plagues)                To the Tune of "WHAT IF GOD WAS ONE OF US"                            2. Death by Dark Chocolate
                    No more slavery scars (Oh Happy Plagues)
                           Oh please spill some wine.                                   by Joan Osbourne                                       1. Hardened hearts of palm
                                                                                          If God had a seder, how would it be
                           Hello Moses, goodbye slaves,                                  And would God drink the Daled kosos
                   Pharaoh's gonna give in he's gotta be insane
                   Pharaoh s             in, he s         insane.                       y
                                                                                     If you were faced with him in all his malchus
                        You finally ready to be a free man?                         What would you ask, if you had just one kasha?
                    Don't forget your chocolate macaroon can.
                                                                         And yeah yeah God eats legumes... yeah yeah God eats corn.....yeah
                              This Passover is ours                                           yeah yeah yeah yeah
                     Pour me some wine. (Oh Happy Plagues)
                    Egyptians have SARS (Oh Happy Plagues)                                  What if God ATE KITNIYOS?
                           Oh, afikomen please be mine                                       Just a Sfard like one of us
                                                                                             Just a normal baal haabus
                        Dam, Tzafadaya, unhappy plagues,                                     Trying to find his Afikomen
                         Kinim, Arbah, unhappy plagues,
                         Dever, S hi unhappy plagues,
                                 Schin, h            l                          And yeah yeah God eats rice yeah yeah God eats beans
                         Macat Bechorot, what a plague,                                      yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
                          Will you finally free the Jews?!
                                                                                             What if God ate KITNIYOS?
           These Happy Plagues lets spill some wine (oh Happy Plagues)                     rice, corn, peas, and garbonzos
           These Happy Plagues lets spill some wine (oh Happy Plagues)                        Just a sfard from Morocco
    These Passover Days are yours and mine, These Passover days are yours and                 Trying to find the afikomen                                                                   19
                               mine, Happy Days

The Big 3 >> Pesach, Matza, Marror
Q Why is Marror listed last in the PESACH, MATZA MARROR                                                                                                                                 Seder Standup
Marror represents the bitterness that we find in life, and although its easy to appreciate pesach and the matza (representing our freedom), its ultimately hardest to                                  At our seder, we had
recognize that the pain in life, the marror, is also for our best. Being last is a indicator that we sometimes can only "look back" on the bad things in life and realize they
are what made us the people we are today. When we reach that level, we will find the sweetness even in the marror.                                                                                     whole wheat and bran
                                                                                                                                                                                                       matzoh, fortified with
                                                                                                                                                                                                       Metamucil. The brand
Q Chumetz = Arrogance, why do we eat it at all during the year?                                                                                                 truth is,
                                                                                                                                                                                                       name, of course, is...
if you think about it, we need our trusty yetzer hara (evil inclination) to survive and live. It fosters our passions in life, our sex drive, desire to eat and other
            instincts. Th h ll                 tf
necessary i ti t The challenge man must face is to learn to control his yetzer hara, and not simply just get rid of it. On P
                                                     i t l        t     t l hi     t   h          d t i     l j t t id f it O Pesach we say to our Yetzer
                                                                                                                                           h         t      Y t                                        "Let My People Go "
                                                                                                                                                                                                        Let             Go.
Harah “Sure buddy, we need you around, but, make no mistake about it, we are in control and we can get rid of you anytime we want. Need proof? For the
next 8 days, you’re symbolically gone via our Chumetz extermination!” We tell the Evil inclination, that bottom line, we are the boss. However, the real
message here is to work on our control of our Yetzer Hara all year round. (Richard Frohlich, Staten Island)

NOT WITHOUT MY MATZA R' Paysach Krohn Story:
The Holy Skolener Rebbe, known for his incredible kindness to orphans, used to be in charge of baking matzos for his town. Getting matzos, or any food, in those days
was not easy, so when Passover came along, people from far and wide used to travel to the Skolener rebbe with hopes to attain three matzos to observe the Passover
Seder. The saintly Vishnitzer Rebbe sent his son to get matzos for his Seder, but when the Vishnitzer’s son came to the Skolener Rebbe, he insisted that the rebbe
give his father 6 matzos. The Skolener Rebbe was taken a back, there was hardly enough matzos to go around for his town let alone for anyone from out of town, and
now the Vishnitze Rebbe was demanding six! The Vishnitzer’s son brazenly told the Skolener Rebbe that his father told him not to leave his presence without the six              The fact, in short, is that freedom, to be
matzos. After much arguing the Skolener finally agreed saying, “if the Holy Vishnitzer demands six, then it must be with good intention.” The day before Passover came
and suddenly the Vishnitzer Rebbe’s son showed up at the Skolener Rebbe’s door holding three matzos. “My father asked that I return these three matzos” The
                                                                                                                                                                                 meaningful in an organized society must consist
Skolener Rebbe was dumbfounded. The boy had come a week before stubbornly demanding the extra three matzos - and now, the day before Passover, he was                            of an amalgam of hierarchy of freedoms and
returning them? The boy explained, “My father requested that I originally request six matzos, because he knew what a giving person you are, and that you would
probably give away every matzo you had, and keep none for yourself. To insure that you would have matzos for your Seder, he took for you.” The Skolener Rebbe,                   restraints. ~Samuel Hendel
blushed in embarrassment, and in awe of Vishnitzer’s own kindness and foresight, as the Skolener had actually given away all of the matzos he had baked to all of the
poor people in the town and kept none for his own family.

Bchol Dor Vdor >> We say praise to God for our freedom
Q: “In Every Generation” MAKE BELIEVE or REALITY?                                                                                                                                         Seder Standup
“Bechol dor Vador Chayav Adam Liros es Atzmo KeIlu hu Yatza Mimitzrayim”
         In                                                                       Egypt                                                                   there,
We say “In each generation a person should see himself as if he came out of Egypt” This statement appears in the Mishna (Pesachim) In the Gemara there Rava adds that
you also have to say VeOsanu Hotzi Misham "He took us out of there." Both these phrases are said in the Haggada in the Paragraph which begins Bechol Dor vaDor. What                                  Q. What's the
does Rava's statement add to what the Mishna said? It seems that he is repeating what just a moment before! I think that the answer is found in the Pesukim that the
Haggada quotes. First we say "Keilu" At the seder we “make believe” that we were the ones to come out of Egypt even though we were never there! But that is how the
                                                                                                                                                                                                      difference between
Torah wants us to perform the Mitzva of telling the story of Yetzias Mitzrayim. As it says "Vehigadeta Levincha... Baavur Ze Asa Hashem Li Betzeisi Mimizrayim. "You will tell                        matzoh and
your son...because of this Hashem did for me when I came out of Egypt." HELLO! I can never be one of the Yotzei Mitzrayim because that happened over 3000 years ago!!! I
can only try and relive the experience on Seder night as if I came out of Mitzrayim But then Rava comes along with another Pasuk. “VeOsanu Hotzi Misham Lemaan Havi                                   cardboard??
Osanu Lases Lanu Es Haaretz..." “And He took us out of there in order to bring us and give us the land that he promised our fathers." Here we are talking about the ultimate
aim of Yetzias Mitzrayim which is to come to Eretz Yisrael as was promised to Avraham Yitzchak and Yaakov. The generation who came out of Mitzrayim did not merit to
                                                                                                                                                                                                      A. Cardboard doesn't
enter Eretz Yisrael. They all died in the desert after the sin of the spies. The next generation who entered the land, did not do so in the way that had been promised to                             leave crumbs in the rug
Avraham Yitzchak and Yaakov and so we were exiled and until today we have never taken possession of Eretz Yisrael completely and ultimately. In other words the process
  f Y t i Mit     i h        t t       h d its lti t         l i ! So h
of Yetzias Mitzrayim has not yet reached it ultimate conclusion! S who are th ones t complete th mission and t b b
                                                                                 the      to      l t the i i                     ht to E t Yi      l f th fi l          t f th
                                                                                                                    d to be brought t Eretz Yisrael for the final conquest of the
land? Rava tells us that we must say VeOsanu And He took US out in order to bring US to the land. At this point there is no more make believe, it really is us! We are the
ones who can complete the process. Its up to us to be worthy!! (R’ Ilan Segal, Har Nof Jerusalem)

Back to the Future :
True freedom is freedom from limitation - whether external or internal, whether physical psychological or spiritual. 'Mitzrayim' the Hebrew word for "Egypt" means
'boundaries' and 'constrictions'; 'Yetziat mitrazyim, 'going out of Egypt" is the endeavor to transcend limitation to rise aboveall that inhibits the soul of man. One of           "FREEDOM is nothing else but a
th most constricting elements of the human condition is the phenomenon of time. Time carries off the past and holds off the f t
the      t      t i ti  l      t f th h              diti i th h                f ti  Ti         i   ff th                                    fi i       li
                                                                                                               t d h ld ff th future, confining our lives to a t
temporal sliver of 'present.‘ But on the first night of Passover, we break the bonds of time, having received a mandate to experience the Exodus 'as if he himself                   h     t b b tt " Albert C
                                                                                                                                                                                    chance to be better." - Alb t Camus
has come out
of Egypt" We recall the Exodus in our minds, verbalize it in the telling of the Haggadah, digest it in the form of Matzah and Maror. As we Passover the centuries,
memory - these faded remnants of the past that generally constitute our only answer to the tyranny of time - becomes experience and history is made current and
real.(sent in by Avi Korn Philadelphia PA,(from Chabad)

 Magid >>                                                                        We drink the 2nd cup of Vino
                                                                                               To "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air"
                                                                                                        Theme Song
Second CUP – I’ll drink to that!                                                                           Now this is the story all about how
                                                                                                       My life in Egypt got flipped upside down
Before we make the bracha on the second cup of wine, we say a long bracha in which we
                                                                                                   And I’d like to take a minute just sit back and lean
thank Hashem for redeeming us and our ancestors from Egypt and enabling us to reach
                                                                                          I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Mizrayim
this night of Pesach so we don’t have to eat matzah and maror ever again. We continue
on to implore Hashem that we will celebrate other holidays in peace and joy and
                                                                                                      In West Alexandria born and raised
       i     the b ildi    f Jerusalem as F
experience th rebuilding of J      l                  As the l      to thi bracha,
                                           Freemen. A th closure t this b h we
                                                                                                 In a basket is where I spent most of my days
thank Hashem for redeeming us (ga'al Yisrael).
                                                                                                     Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
Why do we say this bracha after Maggid and before eating? Why don't we say it at the
                                                                                               And all floating in da Nile like swimming in a pool
beginning of Maggid, perhaps with the first cup of wine?
                                                                                           When a couple of Pharaoh's guys said we’re up in no good
                                                                                                 Started making trouble in my neighborhood
Don't we generally make brachot before performing mitzvot? If so, making a bracha after
                                                                                             There was one harsh decree and the Jews got scared
the mitzvah of telling the story of the Exodus from Egypt seems to be backwards!
                                                                                            And id         ’       i d        t G h       ith Yi
                                                                                            A d said you’re moving down to Goshen with Yisro &
                                                                                                                 Tzipporah there
The Chatam Sofer, a great rabbi of the 18th-19th centuries, explains the reason for the
precise placement of this bracha. We cannot say this bracha prior to Maggid because at
                                                                                             I whistled at this burning bush and when I came near
that point we were still slaves to Pharaoh in Egypt. When a person converts to Judaism
                                                                                                the bush said Shalom, had I had too much beer?
the process culminates in immersion in the mikvah, but whereas a person dipping in the
                                                                                                If anything I could say that this miracle was rare
mikvah usually makes a bracha before doing so the convert only does after emerging from
                                                                                                            can't       it     Pharaoh's
                                                                                             But I thought can t forget it, Yo Pharaoh s been unfair
the mikvah. S/He cannot do so before because s/he was not Jewish before! Similarly, we
cannot praise and thank Hashem for redeeming us before we were actually
                                                                                                  I pulled up to a palace about seven or eight
redeemed. The Maggid is the process that brings us from enslavement to freedom.
                                                                                               And I yelled to Pharaoh, yo homes smell you later
DRINK UP! (E. A. Molot)
                                                                                                    Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
                                                                                             To Let My People Go; Taking da Jews to freedom from

                                                      "If you really want something in life you have to work for it.
                                                      Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers."-- Homer Simpson

Motzei & Matzah >>   It’s Matza, It’s Matza Time!
It’s Matzah time!

Marror >> Bitter Herbs                        (someone must eat the hot hot stuff)
We eat Marror (dip it into some charoset to cool
it off!)                                      PASSOVER GAME – WOULD YOU RATHER?
                                       Go Around the table and answer the following Would you
                                     • Eat only Marror the rest of your life or drink only saltwater?
                                     • Be covered from head to toe in boils OR covered from head to toe in lice?
                                     • Lose 1 of your ten pieces of bread during bedika OR find ten pieces of bread during
                                       chol hamoed?
                                     • Recline whenever you eat or dip everything you eat?
                                     • Die from extreme Marror Heart Burning or from Matzah Choking?
                                     • Hit the Dog OR Bite the Cat?
                                     • Be able to Eat Manna nowadays or Eat Treif on Pesach?
                                     • Still be in Egypt OR still be in a 100 hour work week job?
                                     • Be able to only say 1 phrase: Dayenu OR Ma Nishtana?
                                     • Have to drink 4 cups of marror juice at the seder OR have to drink 10 drops of
                                     • Find the Afikomen next to chometz OR never find/eat the afikomen ever?
                                     • Eat kosher for Passover all year round OR eat exclusively bread on pesach?
                                     • Have the Wicked Son OR date the Malach HaMaves?
                                     • Eat only matzah brei all year OR eat only cholent?
                                     • Have freed the Jews but brought them to Uganda OR Enslaved the Jews but
                                       enslaved them in Israel?
                                     • Live always in Darkness but be Rich OR live always in light but be poor?
                                     • Drink only with your pinky or eat only using parsley?
                                     • Eat Hillel Sandwiches all year OR eat standing on 1 foot?
                                     • Not eat bread for 4 years or not eat kiddush ever again?
                                     • Have a 9 hour seder with gourmet food at end or a 1 hour seder with just OK food?
                                     • Worship a sheep OR worship the sun?
                                     • Have the 4 sons as your children, OR have an only child that is wise?
                                     • Live where it hails once a year or live in Seattle?
                                     • Leave chometz sitting on your front lawn all pesach OR Burn your entire house
                                     • Sleep with Frogs in your Bed or Frogs on your head?
                                     • Have gotten freed or gotten the ten commandments?
                                              g              g
                                     • Be Egyptian or be Canadian?
                                     • Invent the Glow in the Dark Goggles for Darkness OR Find the Cure for Pestilence?

Korech >> The McHillel (Matzah, Marror and Charoset)
Eat the Hillel Sandwich – Matzah, Marror and Charoset!

The TEAM Sandwich:
Korech is less an individual act and more a team sport... like a sweaty men's locker room.
Basically, by Korech we've said a whole book full of words and we're starving. Our “real men
”load up their sandwiches with the "real" stuff- you know the white slices of real bitter herbs
(not that "Romanian lettuce" wuss crap). This is the stuff you need a sharp knife for... like
you're back carving wood to build a fire. This is the stuff that makes you remember just how
bad it really was in Egypt. Heck, maybe we have it even worse. Also, somehow, somewhere
along the lines, the geniuses in our religion I think have formulated a calculation that “the law”
will be more fulfilled if you eat more white slices of instant-ulcer-clean-out-your-kishkes-&-
sinuses-put-more-hair-on-your-chest-herbs. Think about this - in a total of 30 seconds, you've
confirmed your manhood and probably gotten more heaven. More than any man can ask for.
      digress                         look                   has         oh ya,
But I digress. All this machismo of "look how much abba has", and "oh ya well check this out"   out
(followed by an 50% increase of the white shards of death on your matzah) leads to some
psyched up - "let's get out there and win this thing!" feelings. All the men at our table are like
busting out of the locker room before the big game as we say in a half-chanting, half-rap with
crescendo’ing strength "Ahl Matzoh, Umrormim... (culminating to a yell of) YOCHLOOHOO!!"
Followed by the big crunch. Get Psyched or Get burned (Dov Robinson, Chicago, Il)

Peanut Butter and Jelly Hillel?
According to history books, English nobleman John Montague, born in 1718, was a notorious
gambler who would often go from pub to pub in gambling marathons. Once in 1762 he played
cards at a men's club in London for 24 hours straight. He didn't want to risk his luck by leaving
the tab e to eat, so while gambling at London's Beef Steak Club, he asked that some roasted
t e table                e ga b g         o do s ee Stea C ub, e as ed t at so e oasted
meats be brought to him between 2 slices of bread so that he could hold his food in one hand
and his cards in the other. The new food, the sandwich, was named for him, the Earl of
Sandwich. Montague's timesaving nourishment idea caught on quickly with others ordering
"the same as Sandwich." The sandwich was introduced to America in 1827 in a cookbook by
Elizabeth Leslie. This convenient idea has changed the eating habits of people forever.
Shouldn't Hillel get credit for the Earl of Sandwich's idea? a Tuna Hillel, a Sub Hillel, an Egg
Salad Hillel...this    ld be fun!
S l d Hill l thi could b f !

A group of leading medical researchers has published data indicating that Seder                              26
participants should NOT partake of both chopped liver and charoses. It seems that
this combination can lead to Charoses of the Liver.
Shulchan Orech >>                                                                                               Finally, Chowtime
Eat away!
  Lowest of Lows to get to the Highest of Highs
  The Haggadah relays that we had to leave hastily from Egypt (the first time we used the “religion”
  excuse to leave work early), for had we delayed any longer in Egypt, we would not have been
  rescued. Why the big rush? The Slonimer Rebbe explains that Moshe understood this concept
  from the burning bush. In Exodus, we find he approached out of curiosity to find out why the bush
                                                                             aren t
  was not being consumed by the fire.(Similar to realizing your chometz aren’t burning because you
  wrapped them in tin foil) Although there is no direct response to this curiosity, G-d tells Moshe to
  remove his shoes, for he is standing in a holy place. The Rebbe of Slonim teaches the burning
  bush showed Moshe an analogy to the Jewish people. Although they were in the fires of impurity in
  Egypt, they would never be consumed as long as they had a shred of holiness. When they were on
  the 49th level of impurity, one level from losing all holiness, they had to be saved lest they become
  completely consumed by the impurity of the Egyptians.
  So you might ask yourself: Why the big procrastination? Why couldn’t G-d have given started the
  salvation a little earlier? Heck, if we had enough time to let our dough rise, we could be eating
  bagels right now!
  The answer goes back to the bush. A seed sprouts into a shrub after the seed has fully
  decomposed. To grow into a nation, and to withstand the many fires to come, the Jewish people
  had to decompose until the brink, and only then sprout strong eternal roots.

 Stupid Seder Joke:                                                The Incredible, Edible Egg!
 Gentile comes to a seder. He gets a bowl of soup and              Sure it’s high in protein, but there has got to be a better reason to take an Egg-break.
 asks what it is.                                                  Bang this: an Egg is one of the few foods that hardens when you heat it up. So are the
 "Matzo Ball Soup" , a voice calls out from the kitchen.           Jews – The slavery and persecution we have endured throughout the years has only
 He has never heard of it before but sees everyone                                                                            Hashem.
                                                                   strengthened our longevity and eternal connection with Hashem Want my yolk?
 else eating. He takes a look at the 2 balls in his soup
 and slowly takes a bite.                                          Some people dip their eggs in saltwater….Just like Nachshon Ben Aminadav had to
 He looks up from his soup in cheer joy.                           dip himself into the salt water sea. The sea split just as it reached his…well you get the
 “That was delicious”, he says.                                    symbolism now….. (enjoy them eggs now!)
 “Can you eat any other part of the matzoh?”

Barech >>                                                        We say praise for such a great meal!
 We Bench!

 "A Passover Quiz"
   1.Which traditional food is on the Seder plate:
    a. egg roll b. matzah balls c. haroset
   2. What is part of the Passover preparations? a. turning your house upside down b.
   re-enacting the slavery by lugging up the dishes from the basement c. burning the
   chometz without being cited by the EPA d. all of the above
   3. Matzah is known as the "bread of affliction" because: a. the slaves ate it b. it
   makes you constipated c. the price goes up every year
   4. The best place to hide the Afikoman is a. behind the carburetor b. in a steel vault
   with doors 2" thick c. in the underwear drawer
   5. The Number One Afikoman gift this year is a. Moses and Aaron action figures b.
   Nissan matchbox trucks c. "When I was a kid, we were lucky to get a quarter." d.
   Anything th t does not require b tt i or assembly
   A thi that d            t      i batteries            bl
   6. The Four Questions include a. Are we there yet? b. How can we recline without a
   La-Z-Boy? c. If a tree falls in an Israeli forest, how quickly can American Jewry plant
   7. If there were a Passover Hall of Fame, who would you vote to induct? a. Uncle
   Louie b. Leonard Nimoy c. Moshe Oofnik d. Charleton Heston
   8. The Four Children include a. the doctor b. the lawyer c. the Russian d. Simple
   9. Before the time of Abraham, people worshipped a. the dust of the earth b. the salt
   of the earth c. the stars of the heaven d. the stars on Hollywood Boulevard
   10. When Jacob and his family originally went down to Egypt, they a. were only a
   few, but became "religiously pluralistic" b. built several synagogues - at least one in
   which they wouldn't be caught dead! c. spread out in the Land O' Goshen
   11. On Seder night, we are supposed to drink wine until a. Uncle Irving's jokes
   sound new to you b you can no longer tell the difference between Pharaoh and
   Moses c. you don't miss bread (sent in anonymously to

Freedom is the oxygen of the soul. ~Moshe Dayan                                     
 Hallel >>                                             We say praise to God for our freedom
Recite praise of G-d for taking us out of Egypt!
Q. Is Praise Proper? But what about all the dead
human beings?
The gemara questions why don’t we say Full Hallel prayer(longer version) on the 7th and 8th
days of Pesach. The Gemara says, because it is not right to sing praises, when any human
being the creations of G-d, have been killed SOOO the question you got to ask is, How the
being,                   Gd              killed.                                    is
heck can we say it now at the Seder? Didn’t we just read all about Egyptians going through
some hellish plagues!?? Rav Chaim Soloveichik explained, the gemara’s statement was meant
for future generations, they should not sing at a time when life is lost. But the generation, who
experiences the savior, as Miriam and Moshe led the song after the splitting of the sea, certainly
can sing praise, as their lives were truly saved. On seder night, there is an obligation to feel as if
we were there, coming out of Egypt. It is as if we experienced this salvation firsthand, and
               ,       g         gyp                 p                                   ,
therefore full Hallel Praise should be said wholeheartedly

King Arthur was reviewing his troops, all in a straight line, their armor gleaming----- except for one. His armor
was dull, even rusty. and falling apart. King Arthur was enraged. He turned to his second in command and
wanted to know: "Mah nishtana ha-leilah ha-zeh?"                                                      
 Nirtzah >> We sing weird weird songs that are tons of fun
Q. Why do we have songs about GOATS at the
          d ???
  R’ Dovid Wilensky of Allentown PA explains that commentators have point out
  many explanations to this seemingly esoteric song.. But the most popular one
  has been:
  The Goat = Jewish Nation
  The 2 Zuzim = 2 Tablets of Tend Commandments
  Aba = Hashem.
  All of the rest of the characters in the song are nations that have throughout
  time tried to destroy us – yes it always ends up with Hashem coming in and
  saving us from even the worst attackers – so we have nothing to fear!… (Now
  have some fun trying to pinpoint which evil empire corresponds to each
  predator in the song!!)

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read". - Groucho Marx
Katy Perry “Hot N Cold”

You change your mind,
'Let us go' change to no
Yeah you, enslave us,
Like detention , We should go
And you hardened heart. Always speak

I should know, That you're not going to 'let us gooo'

Cause it's Blood & Frogs grow
You re           you re
You're yes then you're no
Lice-in / Animals-out
Locusts up & Hail down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black 3 days of night
With Hashem's might, we break out
We Split seas, we check out

You! You don't really want us to stay, Pharaoh
You! But you don't really want us to go-Pharaoh

Cause it's Blood & Frogs grow
You're yes then you're no
Lice-in Animals out
Lice in / Animals-out
Locusts up & Hail down

Moses/Pharaoh used to be,
Just like twins, So in sync
The same rivalry, Now's he's throwing Jewish babies

Yosef dreamed (Yosefed dreamed)
And Became King (became king)
Now we're slaves (now were slaves) Boring (boring)
I should know (I should know) you're not gonna let us goooo

JUST DANCE by Lady Gaga
Cup of red wine. 4 Cups...Manishtana..
I've had a little bit too much wine
All guests start to rush...rush to the washing line
Why does he read so fast? Can't find my haggadah.
Where are my cups I lost my page page.
What's goin in this charoses, I need more
I love this marror baby, but I can't see straight anymore.
Keep it cool what's the name of this wine?
I can't remember manishtana but it's alright, alright.

JUST ASK. 4 questions called manishtana, dayenu?
Just ask. Spin that matzah babe. Du-Da-yenu-nu
Just ask. Gunna be okay.Duh-dayenu
Ask. Ask. Ask. Ju-just ask (the ma nishtana).

                             cousin's mouth.
Wish I could shut my frum cousin s mouth
How'd I turn my kittel inside out? I stained it.
Control your divrei torah babe
Red blood is the first plague.
And we're all gettin' 4 cups drunk tonight.
What's go-ing on behind the kitchen floor?
I love this seder baby, but I can't see straight anymore.
                      y,                     g      y
Keep it cool what's the name of this sandwich?
I can't remember Hillel, but this seder's alright, alright.

JUST ASK. 4 questions called manishtana, dayenu
Just ask. Spin that matzah babe. Da-yenu-nu
Just ask. Gunna be okay. Duh-dayenu
Ask. A k A k J j t k (         i ht   )
A k Ask. Ask. Ju-just ask (manishtana).

When I come through the kitchen floor checkin out that Shulchan
Can't believe my eyes so many kugels without flour.
And I ain't gonn' give matzah up, steady tryna steal the afikomen
like a car
I'ma pinky it, drops til done until they get me a new plate
Show me I can see that you got so much in the hillel sandwich
The way you twirling up that plate round and round
There's no reason, I know why you can't leave afikomen me   33
In the meantime stand, let me watch
PESACH FACE by Lady Gaga
um mum mum mah matzah Mum mum mum manisthana
I wanna bake em' like they do in 18 minutes
Fold em' let em' hit me raise it baby stay shmura with me (I love it)
Love baking and intuition make the matzahs with Kavanah to start
And after they been broken I'll eat the one that's in his afikomen

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, - I'll bake them hot, show him what I've got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, - I'll bake them hot, show him the shmura I've got

Can't steal my, Can't steal my,
No he can't steal my matzah from my seder plate (she’s got only one
matzah) Can't steal my, Can't steal my,
No he can't steal my matzah from my seder plate (she’s got no afikomen)

S-s-s-seder plate, s-s-seder plate (Mum mum mum mah)
S-s-s seder her plate, p-p-p seder her plate (Mum mum mum mah)

I wanna roll the dough a perfect box it will be
A little matzah baking is fun when you're with me (I love it)
Shmura Matzah is not the same without some broke
And baby when it's shmura if its not stale it isn't frum, frum

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh- I'll bake them hot, show him what I've got
  , , , ,            ,                           ,                    g
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-eI'll bake them hot, show him what I've got

Can't steal my, Can't steal my,
No he can't steal my matzah from my seder plate (she’s got only one
matzah)Can't steal my, Can't steal my,
No he can't steal my matzah from my seder plate (she’s got no afikomen)

P-s-s-seder plate, s-s-seder plate (Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p steal from her plate, p-p-p steal from her plate (Mum mum mum mah)

I won't tell you that I stole it search or hid it
Cause I'm bluffin' with my afikomen
I'm not lying I m just stunnin' with my matzah glue gunning
Im             I'm      stunnin           matzah-glue-gunning
Just like a Satmar in the casino
Take your bank before I pay you out
I promise this, promise this
Check this matzah cause I'm marvelous                                       34
 Additional Jokes!
Laugh your hearts out, we are free!
 "Seven Refrigerators"
 "S        R fi          "
 The rule in Israel, at least when I lived there, was that a new immigrant could bring in normal household items duty free. But anything that looked like
 as if it was for resale in Israel was supposed to be subject to import duty. Yankel Levine, a new oleh, goes to Haifa port to claim his household
 goods that have arrived by ship at last. The excise officer notices on the manifest that Yankel is bringing in seven refrigerators. "Mr. Levine," says
 the officer, "one refrigerator is allowed duty free, not seven." "But I'm very frum, and I need one refrigerator just for meat, one just for dairy, and one
 just for parve," says Yankel. "All right," says the officer with a sigh, "that makes three. But seven?" "Well, of course," says Yankel, "I need three for
                                  three meat, dairy,       parve,     Pesach. OK,             officer       patience. That          six. What s
 most of the year and another three, meat dairy and parve for Pesach " "OK " says the officer, losing patience "That makes six What's the seventh
 one for?" "So nu," says Yankel, "if I want to eat a little treyf once in a while?"

 "Pesach Dictionary?"
 Chometz = Springtime cheer for NY baseball Team.
 Matzah = Not all it's cracked up to be.
 Matzah = gives new meaning for binding covenant
 Matzah Balls = macho matzah
 Matzah = perforation for decorative purposes only; it never works.
 Gefilte fish = after the herring and the shad, now running in the Arthur Kill
 Chrain = endangered species bird.
 Farfel = drop from the seventeenth floor.
 Concord grade wine = you think sugar is sweet?
 Haggadah = slang for “I obsessively desire it”. Example: Haggadah have it.
 Stained Haggadah = yearly obsession, treated with Prozac and stain remover.
 Shankbone = doggy golf shot.
 Parsley breaking the norm.
 Karpas usually on the right except in British countries.
 Choroses a pesadika bed
 Chopped liver never have with the above because one could contract haroses
 of the liver.
 Hillel Sandwich = breaded sage
 Afikomen = several retainers in German
 Moror = growl again
 Kosher for Pesach haute cuisine - Jewish oxymoron
 Schmaltz = John, pitches for the Braves

 Additional Jokes!
Laugh your hearts out, we are free!
 G-d first went to the Egyptians and asked them if they would like a commandment. "What's a commandment?" they asked. "Well, it's like, THOU
 SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY," replied G-d. The Egyptians thought about it and then said, "No way, that would ruin our weekends."
 So then G-d went to the Assyrians and asked them if they would like a commandment. They also asked, "What's a commandment?" "Well," said G-
 d, "It's like, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL." The Assyrians immediately replied, "No way. That would ruin our economy."
 So finally G-d went to the Jews and asked them if they wanted a commandment. They asked, "How much?" G-d said, "They're free."
              said, Great! We'll   TEN!"
 The Jews said "Great! We ll take TEN!

 An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.
 Forty-five years of misery is enough.“
 "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
 "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your
 sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.
 Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her
 father immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back! ,
 and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
 The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Passover and paying their own airfares."

                                                                    Haiku - Passover.
                                                                    Left the door open
                                                                     For the Prophet
                                                                   Now our cat is gone.

 There once lived a king who had an advisor called Hymie. The king relied so much on the wisdom of Hymie that one day he decided to promote him
 to chief advisor. But the other advisors objected.
 They said, "It's OK sitting in counsel with a Jew, but to allow him to boss us about would be unacceptable."
 The King accepted their argument and ordered Hymie to convert. Hymie had to obey the King.
 But soon after, Hymie felt great remorse and over the months that followed he became despondent, his health suffered and he grew weak.
 Finally Hymie could take it no longer and made a decision. He went to the king and said, "I was born a Jew and a Jew I will always be. So do
 whatever you want with me."
 The King had no idea Hymie felt so strong about his 'conversion'.
 "OK," id the King, "if that's how you feel, go be a Jew again. Th other advisors will j t h
 "OK " said th Ki         th t' h        f l     b    J         i The th      d i                    to live ith it. You're too important for me to lose."
                                                                                       ill just have t li with it Y ' t i            t tf        t l     "
 On his way back home to tell the news to his family, Hymie felt the strength surge back into his body.
 When he arrived, he called out to his wife, "Sarah, we can be Jews again, we can be Jews again."
 Sarah glared at him and said, "Couldn't you wait until after Passover?"                                                                                   37
Good night!
(Now please conjure up an unfathomable time that your seder ended)

                                                                                        The Frog Song:
                                                                                                      g        g       y,
                                                                                "Mm-mm" said a little green frog one day,
                                                                                   "Mm-mm" said a little green frog;

                                                                                "Mm-mm" said a little green frog one day,
                                                                                   Said a little green frog "Mm-mm."

                                                                     But we all know frogs go (clap) "Sha-la-la-la-la, sha-la-la-la-la."
                                                                               We all know frogs go (clap) "Sha-la-la-la-la"
                                                                                       They don't go "Mm-mm-mm“
                                                                                          (sent in by H. Weiss)

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