government decides fate of tuition increases by yurtgc548


									government decides
fate of tuition

      BSD NOT DRY — SEE PAGES 3 and 16
                                                           editorial                                                                                                                                                        APRIL 08 2010

The hunt for a new Governor General                                                                                                                                               Editor-in-Chief: Cam Cotton-O’Brien 403-220-7752

                                                                                                                                                                   News Editors: Brent Constantin and Noah Miller 403-220-4318

                                                                                                                                                                                 News Assistants: Annalise Klingbeil and Emily Ask

                                                                               gual city — and held a diplomatic      ground in journalism. A vice-regal                             Entertainment: Jordyn Marcellus 403-220-4376
                                                                               posting in France suggests that the    representative that young Canadi-
                                                                                                                                                                                                          Sports: Jon Roe 403-220-2298
                                                                               Governor General position need         ans would actually care about and                                                 
                                                                               not necessarily oscillate between      one Stephen Harper might even                                                  Opinions: Ryan Pike 403-220-2298
                                                                               Canada’s two solitudes. Granted,       realistically appoint. He wouldn’t                                            

                                                                               the tendency has only been exhib-      even be the youngest to take the                                         Features: Sarelle Azuelos 403-220-4376
                                                                               ited through the last three gover-     position.
                                                                                                                                                                                   Photography: Chris ‘Doc’ Pedersen 403-220-4376
                                                                               nors general, but it seems prudent       George        Stroumboulopoulos                                            
                                                                               — both politically and otherwise       should be Governor General.                                      Production: Ændrew Rininsland 403-220-2298
                                                                               — that the new appointee be able         He’d make as much bloody sense                                        

                                                                               to grasp the realities of both Eng-    as anyone else Harper could pos-                                          Illustrations: Jen Grond 403-220-2298
                                                                               lish and French Canada.                sibly appoint, anyway.
                                                                                                                                                                                    Academic Probation: Brad Halasz 403-220-2298
                                                                                  Third, the Governor General                                                                                       
                                                                               should probably have a decision-                                      Ryan Pike                       Three Lines Free: Sydney Stokoe 403-220-2298
                                                                               making background. The Conser-                                    Opinions Editor                                     

                                                                               vative government has challenged                                                                    Escapes and Pursuits: Jordan Fritz 403-220-2298
                                                                               the governor general to make
                                                                                                                                                                                      Business Manager: Evelyn Cone 403-220-7380
                                                                               some tough calls over Jean’s term                                                                               
                                                                               and it would help if the next one      A letter: BSDRY                                           Advertising Manager: John Harbidge 403-220-7751
                                                                               has some understanding of the
                                                                               Constitution. At the very least, the      Editor, the Gauntlet,                                                Graphic Artist: Ken Clarke 403-220-7755

     ob-seekers should spruce up       Canada as an oversight — but            person should have a university           You fools, what have you done?!
                                                                                                                                                                                                               Network Manager: Ben Li
     their resumes, as reports out     the practice has been to swear in       degree and some exhibited knowl-       That was a particularly vicious and
     of Ottawa this week suggest       a Canadian who understands the          edge of Canada’s political land-       mean-spirited prank you pulled                                                                  Contributors
                                                                                                                                                                                     Isaac Azuelos • Amy Badry • Doug Blisslong
that prime minister Stephen Harp-      country. Vincent Massey was the         scape and history. Prior governors     last week, claiming that Bermuda                         Sarah Dorchak • Lucas Holzhaeuer • Hazel Jenkins
                                                                                                                                                                    Rhiannon Kirkland • Richard “Big Money” Lam • Eric Mathison
er will decline to extend the term     first Canadian-born Governor            general have had extensive back-       Shorts Day was going to be a dry                                Geoff MacIntosh • Colin Minor • Dan Pagan
                                                                                                                                                                                       Curtis Taylor • Tristan Taylor • Alicia Ward
of Governor General Michaëlle          General, sworn in back in 1952,         grounds in politics, the military or   event. As you know, this is one of
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Golden Spatula
Jean beyond September. As such,        but Adrienne Clarkson was born          journalism.                            the only things students are pas-                         Amy Badry bought everyone coffee. What a peach!
Canada may be on the hunt for          in Hong Kong and our current               Names have been thrown out          sionate about, so your irresponsi-              Plus, Hazel Jenkins wrote a story that included graphs. Woot!

its 28th vice-regal representative.    vice-regal was born in Haiti. Citi-     all over the internet suggesting       ble actions were a particularly low                                                           Furor Arma Ministrat
                                                                                                                                                                                                 Room 319, MacEwan Students’ Centre
Who should Harper recommend            zenship seems to be the only thing      a wide gamut of candidates. The        blow. You’re all pricks.                                                                   University of Calgary
to Her Majesty to fill Jean’s shoes?   that matters.                           Man in Motion, Rick Hansen, has                                                                                              2500 University Drive NW
                                                                                                                                                                                                                Calgary, AB T2N 1N4
Many names have already been              Next, the traditional practice has   been suggested. So has Star Trek’s                         Cam Cotton-O’Brien                                          General inquiries: 403-220-7750
suggested, but few Canadians un-       been to alternate between a Fran-       William Shatner. Environmen-                    Near-graduate, proud BSD attendee
                                                                                                                                                                   The Gauntlet is the official student newspaper of the University
derstand the requirements for the      cophone Governor General and            tal activist David Suzuki has also                                                  of Calgary, published most Thursdays throughout the year by the
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role.                                  an Anglophone one. Jean lives in        been touted. However, one promi-          [Editor’s note: Last week’s cover         Membership in the society is open to undergraduate students at the
                                                                                                                                                                   U of C, but all members of the university community are encouraged
   First and foremost, the repre-      Quebec and was born in Haiti, so        nent Canadian has been ignored.        story was only meant to be an April          to contribute. Opinions contained herein are those of the individual
                                                                                                                                                                   writers, and do not necessarily represent the views of the entire
sentative should probably be Ca-       she meets the Francophone crite-        One who has experience asking          Fool’s Day joke, Cam. We certainly           Gauntlet staff. Editorials are chosen by the majority of the editorial
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nadian. This isn’t a stringent rule    ria rather nicely. However, the fact    the tough questions, one who           didn’t intend for it to be taken with        refuse any submission judged to be racist, sexist, homophobic,
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                             The Alberta government finally responds to tuition proposals, page 4.                                                                                                                         The Cover
                                                                                                                                                                                              Design by Chris Pedersen and Jen Grond

     opinions                               features                                   sports                         entertainment                                                                                4

 This week, learn why the               Intrepid girl reporter Emily            Seasons wind down and                  U of C MFA student takes
 Pope is kind of a jerk. Also,          Ask explores the challeng-              the Dinos celebrate with the           flight with Fool For Love,
 a bunch about tuition... with          es facing student couples,              Night of the Dinos, page 18.           page 21.
 graphs, page 10.                       page 13.

CORRECTION: Last week’s story, “Wildrose Alliance club hosts party leader,” reported that Wildrose Alliance leader Danielle Smith
came to campus on March 2. Smith actually visited the University of Calgary on March 29. The Gauntlet apologizes for any confu-
sion this may have caused.
 AP on page 16. TLFs on page 17. Web rocks on page 25. Comics on page 27. One more week left until (wet) BSD~!
Editors: Brent Constantin & Noah Miller—

Province responds to tuition proposals
The Alberta government approves business program
market modifiers at the university, but says ‘no’ to all others
Noah Miller                                           being open to discussion with him,      on students until Fall 2013 when
News Editor                                           playing what he called a “key role”     [affected] students begin taking
With files from Brent Constantin                      in the process.                         courses at the Haskayne school,”
                                                         However, before affected stu-        said Harrison, noting that students

            eeks of anxiety were fi-                  dents scramble to figure out how        do not begin taking more than one
            nally relieved April 7                    to cover these costs by September,      business course until their third-
            when Alberta Advanced                     Horner has also agreed that these       year.
Education and Technology minister                     increases should be “grandfa-              Harrison also dispelled con-
Doug Horner announced the prov-                       thered.”                                cerns that there will be cuts to
ince’s acceptance, and rejection, of                     “It’s my expectation that students   enrollment to make up for lost
various tuition market modifier                       currently enrolled in these pro-        revenue.
proposals from Alberta’s post-sec-                    grams will not be affected, nor will       “Our enrollment will stay at
ondary institution.                                   students joining [them] in the com-     least at the level that it is this
   Eighteen of 24 proposals from                      ing year,” said Horner.                 year,” said Harrison. “The ques-
Bow Valley College, Olds College                         Horner acknowledged that             tion is how much will that enroll-
and the Universities of Alberta,                      most students “have all already         ment increase in 2010–11 relative
Calgary and Lethbridge were re-                       made their plan according to what       to [this year].”
jected. Proposed hikes in tuition                     they thought tuition was going to          Harrison admitted that there
at the U of C for the programs                        be.”                                    may be some “minor modifica-
of Law, Engineering, Education,                          “We’re going to respect those        tions” to the budget presented
Masters of Education, Masters of                      plans,” said Horner. “All changes       April 12 but that “in bold strokes it
Education (Applied Psychology)                        will come into effect for students      will be the same budget [they have]
and Masters in Engineering were                       coming into these programs in           been working on.” Nevertheless,
turned down.                                          Fall 2011.”                             Harrison expressed some concern
   “None of these are going to                           Horner also said that this was a     over future quality of education at
have any market modifiers or                          “one-time acceptance from the in-       the U of C.
anomalies corrected,” said Horn-                      stitutions.”                               “Students pick their university
er.                                                      “We will not be having any re-       not just on the basis of price but
   Horner said that of the 24 pro-                    considerations of proposals,” said      also on the basis of quality,” said
posals six “made a good case” and                     Horner. “We will not consider           Harrison. “What we were trying
as a result “there will be one-time                   any new proposals. We stand by          to get away from was being the
tuition fee adjustments in six pro-                   our tuition fee policy 100 per          cheapest. In certain programs I
fessional programs.”                                  cent.”                                  think we will still be cheap and that
   Two of these six approved pro-                        Horner also promised that any        could have an affect in the future
posals are the proposed increases to                  future tuition increases would be       on quality.”
the U of C’s Bachelor of Commerce                     limited to the consumer price in-          “The government has made a
and Masters in Business Adminis-                      dex.                                    decision in respect of the criteria
tration programs.                                        According to U of C provost Alan     they were using and we respect
   “This is to continue with the                      Harrison the university administra-     the fact that it’s up to the gov-
protection of the CPI cap and                         tion was not entirely surprised by      ernment, the government has it
correct errors that were made                         the announcement.                       within its power,” said Harrison.
and move forward,” said Horner.                          “We thought we’d built a             “It’s not a question of disappoint-
Horner also mentioned that other                      good case on all of them,” said         ment or elation. We wouldn’t have
factors, such as the cost of deliv-                   Alan Harrison. “We didn’t expect        been elated if they’d have said
ering the programs, were consid-                      they’d all be accepted. That turned     ‘yes.’ We’re not disappointed they
ered when deciding whether to                         out to be the case.”                    say ‘no.’ We are where we are and
                                                                                                                                                                                               Dan McKechnie/the Gateway
accept or reject the market modi-                        Harrison noted that it will be a     we’ll deal with it in terms of the
fier proposals.                                       long time before any effect of the      ramifications of our overall bud-       Minister Horner approved only six of 24 proposals from across Alberta.
   Horner thanked student repre-                      approved proposals are felt.            get.”

                                                                                                                                                               campus quips
sentatives for their input and for                       “There will be very little effect           see tuition proposals, page 9

What do you think of the province’s approval of the market modifiers affecting future Haskayne students?
                                   “I don’t think it’s                                  “I don’t think we                               “I think it’s crap.”                           “It’s good for me
                                   right, that’s a steep                                can be blaming                                  – Mukruh Tahir,                                that it’s delayed
                                   hike for sure.”                                      the government so                               first-year market-                             until 2011, but it’s
                                   – Richard Forrester,                                 quickly. Watch out                              ing                                            not good for other
                                   fourth-year busi-                                    for administration.”                                                                           students.”
                                   ness communica-                                      – John Hampson,                                                                                – Jared Poplawski,
                                   tions                                                first-year prospec-                                                                            second-year MBA
                                                                                        tive social work
                                                                                                                                                                            Interviews: Emily Ask, Photographs: Daniel Pagan
                                                                                                                                                               GAUNTLET NEWS APRIL 08.10 5

Record nominations for teaching award
Noah Miller                              of distinction,” said Martin.            subjective comments.”
News Editor                                 According to Martin this year’s          Also new to the award this year is
                                         nominations reached 1,275, a             the “Hall of Fame.” Any instructor

      tudents inspired by the pas-       “record number” that the SU has          who has received the award three
      sion and prowess of professors     never seen before. Martin attri-         times will be inducted and no longer
      and teaching assistants at the     butes the record amount of nomi-         be eligible for the TEA.
University of Calgary have turned        nations to a greater awareness              “It is true that we have several jug-
in record nominations for the Stu-       among students.                          gernaut people who win over and
dents’ Union’s annual Teaching Ex-          “I’m not sure it means that we        over and over again, which means
cellence Awards.                         have better teachers than before, I      that it’s more difficult for more junior
   Since the awards’ inception in        think we’ve always had people who        faculty members to win,” said Martin.
1984, the SU collects nominations        are quite good,” said Martin. “I think      One such “juggernaut” is commu-
every year for outstanding instruc-      there are more students who know         nication and culture professor Ron
tors at the U of C.                      about the program.”                      Glasberg, who has won the award 10
   According to the SU website, “ex-        Currently the SU awards one           times and received four honourable
cellent teachers are chosen for their    award per faculty, but with the amal-    mentions.
ability to communicate broad and         gamation of the new Arts Faculty            “It’s one of the greatest honours
accurate knowledge of the subject        that is about the change. According      you can get,” said Glasberg. “I try
matter, as well as on self-confi-        to Martin the Faculty of Arts will re-   and ask how it appears from the eyes
dence, ability to create enthusiasm,     ceive four awards in order to better     of students.”
success at challenging students,         reflect the new governance structure        What is Glasberg’s secret to suc-
ability to cultivate creative thinking   of the SU to incorporate better pro-     cess?
on the part of students, availabil-      portional representation.                   “I try and challenge the notion
                                                                                                                                                                                     Sydney Stokoe/the Gauntlet
ity for consultation outside of class,      “[As a] large faculty that serves     that education has to be a game of
and the fairness and consistency of      more students they should be giving      only getting through,” said Glasberg.      Ron Glasberg has won the SU’s teaching excellence award 10 times.
their grading.”                          recognition to more than one per-        “I try to give the impression that I re-
   “It’s the only institution-wide       son,” said Martin. “We do and keep it    ally care.”                                monetary      award     distributed   part that, in some lectures, TA’s play
recognition of teaching,” said           somewhat equalized, some faculties          Glasberg says he tries to identify      through research services that will   a large part in interacting directly
SU vice-president academic Meg           nominate more than others.”              with a “deeper need to be truly edu-       not involve student feedback, they    with students and that a really good
Martin. “The direct student feed-           Recipients are chosen by a com-       cated” by “creating a safe environ-        will be nominated by a department     TA can make or break your experi-
back is the most important aspect        mittee of students.                      ment, expanding their conscious-           head,” said Martin.                   ence in a class depending on the
of the teaching excellence award.           “I’ve opened it up this year so any   ness and getting pleasure out of              Professors aren’t the only ones    class format,” said Martin. “They
We know that the people who get          student can sit on it,” said Martin.     broadening student horizons.”              eligible for the honour. The SU       are also given a lot of responsibility
it are exceptional because stu-             In previous years the number of          The awards given out by the SU are      has expanded it’s Teaching Excel-     by course coordinators and instruc-
dents take the time and effort to        students has been capped.                also accompanied by a monetary do-         lence Award program to include        tors.”
nominate them.”                             “These committee members look         nation to an area of the instructor’s      Outstanding Teaching Assistant           “The number of TAs getting
   Martin also cited the award’s sta-    through students’ subjective com-        choice.                                    Awards.  These awards are con-        nominated is escalating, it’s get-
tus during faculty promotion com-        ments in an evaluation package,”            Martin noted she has heard              ferred to TA’s based on the same      ting bigger every year,” said Mar-
mittees.                                 said Martin. “We rank based on the       that the U of C’s own institutional        criteria as the Teaching Excel-       tin. “Rewarding them early en-
   “To be nominated or to receive a      number ratings students have given.      award “is coming.”                         lence Awards.                         sures that they continue to make
teaching excellence award is a mark      Sort through and look through the           “I’ve heard that there is a non-           “There is a recognition on our     teaching excellence a priority.”

Faculty of arts now official
Amy Badry                                   With the amalgamation, the ad-        new dean for the Faculty of Arts.
Gauntlet News                            mission process and transferring           The amalgamation will not af-
                                         between programs will be easier          fect students graduating in 2010 or
   As of April 1 the University of       for Arts students. Increased fund-       admitted in 2009 or before. Course
Calgary amalgamation of four fac-        ing opportunities and research           requirements for degree programs
ulties — Communication and Cul-          support for interdisciplinary pro-       remain unchanged. However,
ture, Social Sciences, Humanities        grams, expanded number of su-            breadth requirements in all pro-
and Fine Arts under the banner of        pervisors for graduate students          grams have been relaxed.
Faculty of Arts — is complete. The       and improved course selection are          The budget for the new faculty
largest and most diverse faculty on      benefits of streamlining the facul-      encompasses the previous budgets
campus, it boasts 20 departments         ties.                                    from all four separate faculties, in-                                                              Sydney Stokoe/the Gauntlet
and 13 interdisciplinary programs           Kevin McQuillan, previously the       creasing the faculty’s financial flex-
to offer its 6,500 students.             dean of Social Sciences, will be the     ibility.                                   The Faculty of Arts came into existence April 1.

First annual SU community report
Sarah Dorchak                             icy committee accountable to the
Gauntlet News                             SLC replaced the Student Academic
                                          Assembly. Another change was the

       he Students’ Union pre-            replacement of the vice-president
       sented its first annual report     events position with VP student life,
       to the community April 5.          allowing a more focused approach to
Throughout the evening, SU presi-         enriching the student experience and
dent Charlotte Kingston detailed the      community building. Executive com-
accomplishments of the 67th Stu-          missioners are no longer elected, but
dent Legislative Council in working       are now appointed, paid positions.
towards their goal of improving ac-       This change offers 10 new employ-
countability and transparency to the      ment opportunities for students.
   For 2009–2010, the SU hoped to         Future Plans
increase external institutional ad-          Thanks to the February refer-
vocacy, continue to host diverse          endum, the proposed increase to
and inclusive campus events, sup-         expand the refugee student pro-
port undergraduate and teaching           gram was approved and will be
research, increase student commu-         implemented in September 2010.
nity space and introduce environ-         In 2009, the SU launched a pilot
mental sustainability in SU opera-        program expanding the campus
tions.                                    food bank to other Calgary post-
   “Our goal is to be recognized as a     secondary institutions. The project
definitive voice, to engage and build     is under review, though there are
community across campus and to            plans to extend the expanded ser-
grow in a responsible and sustain-        vice in late 2010.
able manner both financially and             June 23–26 the SU, in partnership                                                                                                            Noah Miller/the Gauntlet
environmentally,” Kingston said.          with Gallivan and Associates, Cones-     Nearing the end of her term in office, SU president Charlotte Kingston reports on the academic year.
                                          toga Students Inc. and the SAIT Stu-
Major Changes                             dents’ Association, will host Leaders’   advocated for students on external       Secondary Suite Campaign to the          Sustainability Board was established
   The SU started to rewrite their        Hall. The four-day development con-      issues like debt, recession-era educa-   municipal government.                    to influence environmental decisions
governance bylaws this year, aimed        ference offers students the chance to    tion and, of course, tuition. In Oc-        Other student life events were        and to promote environmental issue
at improving the organization.            learn about effective leadership.        tober, a Debt City event and over        held throughout the year, like           awareness.
   “The goals of [the governance re-         In late 2009 renovations began in     400 participating students raised        the wellness and arts and culture           The SU expanded coverage of the
newal] were to empower faculty reps       Mac Hall which will offer increased      awareness to all levels of govern-       months.                                  undergraduate health and dental plan
to increase their connection to their     seating capacity and four new food       ment about the pressing issue of            The SU also dealt with academic       to include vision benefits. They also
constituents, to provide more oppor-      vendors. The renovations will be         student debt. In November, the two-      advocacy. They held open access          introduced a dental office next to the
tunities for valuable student employ-     completed by September 2010. As          day Recession Era Education event        week in late October and have active-    Wellness Centre in Mac Hall.
ment across campus and to increase        part of the Mac Hall renovations, the    addressed the issues of student debt     ly participated with the National Sur-      “I believe [the SU does] a lot of
the capacity of the executive team by     SU is planning on opening a resource     and unemployment. The event also         vey of Student Engagement’s three-       important, intangible things for
employing paid individuals,” Kings-       centre for the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual,   attempted to hold the Stelmach gov-      year action plan for post-secondary      students on campus,” Kingston
ton explained.                            Transgendered, Queer community,          ernment accountable to the tuition       institutions. In March, the SU along     concluded. “If you make a great in-
   As part of the renewal, propor-        with the tentative name “Qmmunity.”      fee policy, a 10-year commitment.        with the Graduate Students’ Associa-     vestment in your community and
tional representation for faculties has   Lastly, there are plans to extend the    To further student advocacy for the      tion announced Robert Clegg as the       you care about being involved and
been introduced, largely in response      U-pass to spring and summer stu-         tuition crisis, the SU also organized    U of C’s Ombudsperson — a new            contribute back . . . it’s important to
to the creation of the amalgamated        dents. A referendum held next year       the Tuition Day of Action, with over     powerful advocate for students. The      reward the students back.”
faculty. The number of faculty rep-       would decide the expansion.              2,000 students attending and par-        SU worked to help develop a new non-        Financial reports and the gover-
resentatives will now depend on the                                                ticipated in the March to the Legis-     academic misconduct policy. To sup-      nance renewal rationale are both
number of students in each faculty.       SU Accomplishments                       lature. The SU also has addressed the    port what Kingston calls “one of [her]   available on the SU website www.
With this change, an academic pol-          Throughout the year, the SU has        need for affordable housing in their     personal pillars,” the Students’ Union
                                                                                                                                                              GAUNTLET NEWS APRIL 08.10 7

Homeless to be able to acquire ID more easily
Richard Lam                           ing fingerprint technology and its     ernment issued, and therefore not
Gauntlet News                         itinerant privacy concerns.            eligible in many institutions and
                                         Actual changes made by Service      social services.

        ontroversy and debate         Alberta include allowing another          “I had [to get] staff from the
        arose over a March 28,        person, such as a social worker,       Mustard Seed to advocate it and
        2010 Calgary Herald ar-       to vouch for the applicant’s iden-     push it through,” said Kirk. While
ticle claiming that the Alberta       tity. Also, proxy addresses such as    places like the Mustard Seed can
government was working on             homeless shelters are now valid        verify with agencies that clients
biometric ID cards that could in-     on the identification cards.           are using their services, they real-
clude fingerprint and facial scan        “The card itself is identical to    istically can only help around 10
samples for the homeless in the       the one you or I could get,” said      clients a day, said Kirk.
city.                                 Barbara Korol, housing and ur-            “We are not looking at new ID
   “Those who are homeless should     ban affairs director of commu-         cards for homeless people,” said
not be treated any differently from   nications. “What’s changed is the      Mike Berezowsky, Service Alber-
those who are not,” said John Gra-    method of verification of identity     ta’s assistant director of commu-
ham, University of Calgary profes-    that occurs.”                          nications. “There are no formal
sor of community economic de-            “I did have some difficulties,”     proposals out of the committee
                                                                                                                                                                                    Katy Anderson/the gauntlet
velopment. His position reflected     said Nigel Kirk, who was faced         yet.”
what many agencies have stated        with homelessness when he was             Berezowsky explained that cur-          The province hopes new Alberta ID measures will help the homeless.
since the article was released.       22 and struggled to obtain iden-       rent Alberta ID cards and driver’s
   However, members involved          tification.                            licenses have for years used bio-          committee looking at ways to              mentioned the frequency with
in the biometric ID discussions          At the time, Kirk relied on Cal-    metrics in the form of facial rec-         make it easier for homeless people        which the homeless lose their ID
wished to clarify the details.        gary Legal Guidance and Project        ognition technology. Licence or ID         to get the existing government            cards, but the main goal is mak-
   “There are no plans or propos-     Homeless Connect services to           photos are routinely run against           ID, because it’s often needed for         ing it easier to obtain one in the
als to add any other biometric        provide him with notarized affi-       other photos in the motor vehicle          things like obtaining a bank ac-          first place. Once the ID is in the
measures,” said Berezowsky, de-       davits for identification. However,    database for cross reference.              count,” said Berezowsky.                  system, it will be easier to reissue
nying the claims of implement-        these documents are still not gov-        “We’re part of a cross-ministry           The Calgary Herald article also         a replacement, said Korol.

Commuter challenge encourages green transport
Rhiannon Kirkland                     courages people to use other trans-    Canada,” said Justin Brown, sustain-
Gauntlet News                         portation options like biking, tak-    ability coordinator at the University
                                      ing the bus or walking, all with the   of Calgary’s office of sustainability.
  Driving to school everyday can      added possibility of winning.             Teams are measured on number
be hard on the environment and the       “Individual workplaces and cit-     of participants, kilometers trav-
wallet. The commuter challenge en-    ies get ranked against each other in   elled via alternative transporta-
                                                                             tion and green house gas emissions
                                                                             saved. Brown said last year the
                                                                             U of C came in second in terms of
                                                                             total participants and saved a total of
                                                                             14 metric tons of greenhouse gases.
                                                                                “I would guess that at this point
                                                                             in time nobody’s registered just be-
                                                                             cause it’s so far in advance. Typically,
                                                                             at least the way it worked last year
                                                                             was everybody kind of registers the
                                                                             night before,” said Brown. “The first
                                                                             year we did this in 2007 we had 250
                                                                             participants, in 2008 it was about
                                                                             500 and last year it was 819, so hope-
                                                                             fully this year we can crack 1,000.”
                                                                                Brown said it can be difficult to
                                                                             convince people to participate in the
                                                                             commuter challenge.
                                                                                “You’re going up against people’s
                                                                             routine and their perceptions and
                                                                             what they think is an easier way to
                                                                             get around and what they’re used
                                                                             to and those sorts of things,” said
                                                                                                                                                                                    Sydney Stokoe/the gauntlet
                                                                                The U of C also has a new idle free     New idling enforcement on campus aims to reduce U of C emissions.
                                                                             policy that will come into effect later
                                                                             this month.                                that is left idling for more than three   that will curb the amount of idling
                                                                                “This year the Board of Governors       minutes in weather that is above -10      that happens on campus.”
                                                                             approved an idling infraction which        degrees Celsius is going to be served       The commuter challenge has been
                                                                             parking services will now begin to         with a warning and then, after three      happening in Canada since 2007.
                                                                             use to enforce [a] no idling policy,”      warnings, they are going to be given      This year it will be taking place from
                                                                             said Brown. “Cars or any vehicle           just a straight up ticket. So hopefully   May 30th to June 5th.

Refugee program success shares his story
Annalise Klingbiel                            “In the refugee camp there were            In March, U of C students voted on
News Assistant                             no nights that could go by without        a referendum in the Students’ Union
                                           hearing a gun being shot somewhere        general election to increase the levy

        hirty-nine-year-old Floribert      or some night noise. [In Canada] I        students pay into the SRP by $1.25 for
        Kamabu vividly remembers           experienced for the first time some-      full-time students and $0.50 for part-
        awaking from his first night’s     thing you call a good night and a quiet   time students. The passed levy means
sleep in his new home of Canada.           night,” said Kamabu.                      full-time students will now pay $2.25
   “When I woke up I thought I was            Through the SRP, post-secondary        per semester, while part-time students
dead because there were no gun shots       institutions commit to sponsoring a       will pay $1.00 per semester into the
in the night, there was no noise. It was   refugee and providing them with a         SRP. Kamabu smiled as he revealed
so peaceful and quiet and I had a good     minimum of one-year of education.         that, thanks to the passed referendum,
meal before bed,” said Kamabu, a Uni-      Since 1978, more than 1,000 qualified     a second student will soon be able to
versity of Calgary nursing graduate        men and women, including Kamabu,          study in Calgary “away from fear, per-
student.                                   have resettled in Canada thanks to the    secution, hunger, poverty, you name
   In November 1999, Kamabu ar-            program.                                  it.”
rived in Canada, sponsored by the             “The SRP is the only program in            “Imagine living in a refugee camp,
World University Service of Canada’s       the world that combines refugee           dreaming of the day you’ll be able to
Student Refugee Program. His first         resettlement with post-secondary          complete your education and pro-
night in the country was a world away      education,” explained Michelle            vide for yourself and your family, and
from the refugee camp in Uganda he         Manks, program officer of the SRP         you’re told that you’re being spon-
had previously called home.                at its headquarters in Ottawa.            sored by a school in Canada to do just
                                                                                     that. That’s beautiful, that’s incredible,”
                                                                                     said Dylan Jones, a U of C student and
                                                                                     WUSC volunteer who was a spokesper-
                                                                                     son for the recent ‘Yes campaign’ en-
                                                                                     couraging students to support the SRP
                                                                                     fee increase in the SU referendum.
                                                                                         It is expected that, beginning Sep-
                                                                                     tember 2011, the U of C will welcome
                                                                                     two student refugees — a male and
                                                                                     a female — every year and support
                                                                                     them financially for four years.
                                                                                         As Jones explained, the amount of                                                                  courtesy Graduate Students’ Association

                                                                                     funding for the sponsored refugees               Floribert Kamabu found success in Canada after living as a refugee.
                                                                                     decreases year to year — the first-year
                                                                                     the funds are meant to pay for every-            in the Democratic Republic of Congo.          health centre located in the refugee
                                                                                     thing from a winter jacket to living ex-            “I was in med-school and doctors           camp. One of the most educated in
                                                                                     penses, while in the fourth less money           in Africa and everywhere in the world         the camp of millions, Kamabu found
                                                                                     is needed.                                       are respected, rich people. I was think-      his skills were put to good use at the
                                                                                         “We prioritize the majority of the           ing about a life with a wife, a good job,     busy centre.
                                                                                     funding into the first two years be-             a nice car, a nice house, that’s all I was       Kamabu spent almost two years in
                                                                                     cause this is the most challenging time          dreaming about,” said the soft spoken         the refugee camp before learning that
                                                                                     for most students . . . by the time the          Kamabu.                                       a WUSC representative was coming to
                                                                                     third- and fourth-years arrive, spon-               His dreams were shattered when             interview for potential sponsorship to
                                                                                     sored students have had two years to             civil war broke out, stealing the lives       Canada. Seventy-two people, includ-
                                                                                     adjust to all these new things,” said            of family and friends.                        ing Kamabu, were put on a list for
                                                                                     Jones.                                              “Imagine the whole of Canada go-           possible sponsorship through WUSC
                                                                                         For students like Kamabu, who’ve             ing to stay in a town like Detroit or         and only five spots were available.
                                                                                     experienced the program first-hand,              Seattle. It was a catastrophe,” he said,         Kamabu managed to earn one of
                                                                                     the SRP is more than a simple addi-              describing the mass exodus of citizens        those spots, which took him to Simon
                                                                                     tion to students’ semester fees, it is a         during the war. “I found myself flee-         Fraser University in British Columbia,
                                                                                     chance for refugees across the globe to          ing my own country. I found myself in         but it wasn’t an easy procedure.
                                                                                     be “reborn.”                                     Uganda as a refugee.”                            After being identified by WUSC as
                                                                                         “There is no one else who can tell              Kamabu settled in a refugee camp           a possible candidate, a representative
                                                                                     the value of this program better than            near Kampala, in western Uganda,              from Canada interviewed every eli-
                                                                                     me because I’ve lived it, I’ve seen it           where he was assigned a piece of land.        gible person.
                                                                                     working, I know where I was before, I            With the help of other refugees, he              From there, a precise set of inter-
                                                                                     know where this program brought me               grew his own food and spent half a            views, skill and knowledge tests and
                                                                                     and I know that somebody else can                year building a house.                        intense medical check-ups took place.
                                                                                     get this same opportunity,” said Kam-               “After six months I moved into my          Kamabu, who now has a degree in
                                                                                     abu. “It’s big . . . I know it will definitely   beautiful house that I still love up to to-   nursing and is working on a masters
                                                                                     change somebody’s life forever. When             day because that was home for me. You         of nursing, said this medical-check-
                                                                                     you go through this program and are              had to make everything from scratch,”         up was extremely rigorous and unlike
                                                                                     given this chance, it is like being born         said Kamabu, smiling as he showed a           anything he has ever seen in his life.
                                                                                     again.”                                          photo of the small hut. “You had to be           While being interviewed by an
                                                                                         Kamabu’s own story of rebirth be-            very, very creative to live out there.”       immigration officer, Kamabu had
                                                                                     gins over a decade ago in central Af-               With a growing garden and a fin-           to convince them that he would be
                                                                                     rica. In 1994 Kamabu was enjoying                ished house, Kamabu found himself             successful in Canada.
                                                                                     life as a second-year medical student            bored. He began volunteering at a                       see refugee student, page 9
                                                                                                                                                                            GAUNTLET NEWS APRIL 08.10 9

Refugee Student, continued from page 8
   “I had to prove to this immigration         sponsored student refugees to their           Kamabu remembers being both             volved in WUSC at the Simon Fraser         signatures to support his efforts.
officer that, ‘yes I’m a refugee,’ that ‘yes   campuses.                                  happy and worried as he boarded a          University campus.                            Jones said Kamabu’s story teaches
I can be successful in this country’              “This program is absolutely amaz-       plane headed for Canada. He was               A decade later, Kamabu is still in-     an important lesson about the idea of
and ‘yes I have the skills and knowl-          ing in that we, as a student body, are     concerned about minute details like        volved with WUSC on a campus level.        paying-it-forward.
edge to be successful in a Canadian            able to contribute the most miniscule      how he would fix his button if it fell     Over the years he’s studied at St. Boni-      “[Kamabu] was given a chance
university.’ How do you do that? It’s          amount of money to literally change        off his shirt.                             face College, the University of Ottawa     [and] since then he’s taken care of
tough. But I did it.”                          someone’s life,” said Jones.                  “There were so many things going        and he’s worked in public health. He       many people back in Africa, he
   Kamabu says the entire process                 Michelle Manks of WUSC Canada           through my head,” he said.                 sat on the WUSC board in Ottawa,           gives back to the local, Calgary and
took over nine months. For refugees            explained further.                            After a long flight he landed at the    WUSC committees at the school’s he’s       U of C community, and he’s volun-
coming to Canada without the help of              “Everyone has the right to an edu-      Vancouver International Airport on         studied at, and has delivered key-         teering with WUSC to help give other
WUSC, the process can take up to five          cation. Through small donations,           November 30, 1999, and was greeted         note speeches at campuses across the       deserving people the chance that he
years.                                         Canadian students can provide              by members of the local WUSC com-          country.                                   got,” explained Jones.
   The chance to leave the refugee             bright and talented young persons,         mittee and his homestay family.               He is currently completing a mas-          Kamabu said he doesn’t hesitate
camp and study in Canada was the               who are living in desperate and un-           He adjusted to life in Canada, but      ters in Nursing at the U of C, while       to offer his time and money to bring
opportunity of a life time for the med-        controllable situations, with the op-      not without some important mile-           serving as Vice-President of the Grad-     relatives to Canada.
student turned refugee.                        portunity to reach their potential,”       stones. His face lights up as he re-       uate Students’ Association and play-          “I don’t even think about it because I
   “This program is a life-changing            said Manks.                                members eating a donut for the first       ing a key role in the campus WUSC          know the chance that I’ve been given.”
program. It makes the difference be-              Kamabu, who was initially spon-         time or the morning he tried yogurt.       group.                                        Kamabu, who keeps a photo of his
tween life and death,” said Kamabu.            sored by Simon Fraser University and          “When I came I didn’t know how to          According to Jones, Kamabu de-          first Canadian bed, the one that of-
“After I left the refugee camp it was          later studied at the University of Ot-     use a microwave . . . some of us don’t     cided not to run for president of the      fered him “a good night and a quiet
attacked and many, many people died            tawa before working as a nurse and         even know how to use a flushing toi-       GSA next year, so he can support the       night rest,” can today go to bed know-
. . . It makes the difference between          coming to Calgary to do graduate           let,” he said.                             SRP in moving ahead with sponsoring        ing he is accomplishing his dreams
poverty and just living in acceptable          work, said refugees need the chance           Kamabu said refugees have to do a       two students per year.                     and helping others achieve theirs.
conditions as a human being.”                  the SRP provides them.                     lot of adjusting to the culture and val-      Today, Kamabu considers Cana-              “These people are going to be val-
   The “life-changing program”                    “These people have potential. All       ues of Canadians.                          da home and has used his time and          ued people in this society and when
which Kamabu speaks of is visible in           they need is a chance,” said Kamabu.          “Survival is what we do as refugees     money to sponsor 11 of his African         I see that I feel so happy. There’s joy
over 50 post-secondary institutions               “Just a chance to come and further      and we will do anything to survive.”       relatives and bring them to Cana-          for me to see these people thrive and
across Canada. Last year WUSC cam-             their studies and then they will come         Adjusting to life in Canada, the        da. He’s currently trying to sponsor       attain these dreams they would have
pus groups collectively welcomed 66            and show us what they’re made of.”         dedicated student quickly became in-       a family of seven and looking for          otherwise never dreamed.”

Tu i t i o n p r o p o s a l s ,
c o n t ’d f r o m p a g e 4
   “We wouldn’t have made pro-                 to balance the budget.
posals if we didn’t believe there                 “What’s going to happen when we
was a case to be made,” said Har-              come back tomorrow . . . how are
rison. “They’re open to differ-                they going to come up with that ex-
ences of interpretation and that’s             tra money that they had budgeted for
how it is.”                                    with market modifiers?” asked She.
   Students’ Union vice-president                 “The Minister has been very clear
external Kay She emphasized that               since the outset that any possible
“It’s a door students wished was               modifications to base tuition should
never opened, we never wanted                  not be a solution to deficits,” said SU
these proposals to be entertained              president Charlotte Kingston. “So
in the first place.”                           as far as the SU is concerned, the ad-
   She compared the proposals to a             ministration had no business putting
cloud looming over campus, leav-               these increases in their budget in
ing students wondering when their              the first place. We’ve been very clear
questions would be answered.                   about that throughout our consulta-
   “It’s still a huge concern for us           tion process.”
and how students are going to                     Both Kingston and Harrison
look at these market modifiers,”               agree that the money that would
said She. “The fact that it will be            have been drawn from market mod-
grandfathered and the market                   ifier proposals is not huge when
modifiers won’t come into effect               compared to the overall budget and
until 2011 is a small win for our              that the money will be found.
U of C commerce students and                      Kingston’s concern is that the mod-
the SU.”                                       ifiers were at the same time incredibly
   She thinks that it shows that the           significant to individual students.
minister did listen when students                 “We have concerns about where
protested on the tuition day of ac-            they will be looking to find the rev-
tion and when they protested on                enue,” said Kingston. “Truthfully they
the march to the legislature.                  should have never been budgeting to
   She praised Horner for his con-             have this very volatile . . . revenue in
sideration of students and their               the first place.”
ability to plan how they will af-                 The Board of Governors meets
ford their education, but remains              to discuss the budget and com-
concerned over where adminis-                  pulsory fee proposals on Mon-
tration will redirect funds from               day, April 12.
Editor: Ryan Pike—                                                                                                                      opinions
The Catholic Church deserves investigation
Eric Mathison                               demning evidence found a pope              Prison, however, is exactly what
Fighting Words                              personally responsible. America         people who rape children de-
                                            saw a far-reaching scandal in the       serve. Unfortunately, the Catholic

       he Vatican is in a tough             1990s and Europe is now under-          Church’s practice of confidentiality
       spot. When news broke                going the same event. Each week         means investigation into these cas-
       over a month ago that Irish          new cases are being brought forth.      es is difficult. But why is confiden-
Cardinal Sean Brady admitted to             The most shocking thing about           tiality protected? In certain cases
taking part in a secret tribunal to         each case is that they all have the     ensuring that what a person reports
make rape victims take an oath of           same thing in common: evidence          will be kept confidential is impor-
secrecy, the Vatican had enough to          of a concerted effort by church         tant. In medicine, for instance, it is
deal with. Then, things got worse.          authorities to protect the rapists      understood that the files of patients
Reports arose detailing the cov-            from secular law. In Ireland, details   will not be made available to those
er-up of Rev. Peter Hullermann’s            about police involvement in those       outside of the medical profession,
abuse of children in Germany.               cover-ups makes the situation           because that information is poten-
This abuse came to the attention            worse. The Vatican is increasingly      tially damaging. But what about
of church authorities in 1980 when          finding itself between a rock and       confessions to crimes?
Joseph Ratzinger, then archbishop           a hard place, and they are actively        Confessionals are meant to be
of Munich and current pope, was             trying to ensure that the meta-         kept to the confessor, the priest and
in charge of Hullermann’s area.             phorical walls don’t become the         supposedly God. For the church
  Never before has such con-                walls of a prison cell.                 the logic is clear: God will deal with
                                                                                    the sins that people commit; the
                                                                                    laws of nations are of less impor-
                                                                                    tance. For those who are suspicious
                                                                                    of God’s inviolable sense of justice,
                                                                                    there are reasons to doubt the mo-
                                                                                    rality of keeping confessions pri-
                                                                                    vate. For one thing, in spite of what
                                                                                    the religious think, laws do apply
                                                                                    to clergy. It is no excuse to claim      pid enough to claim, with the pope       lost its claim to moral integrity,
                                                                                    that one’s religious beliefs absolve     sitting nearby, that attacks on the      because all of its reasons are un-
                                                                                    one from obeying secular laws. If        Catholic Church are equivalent           satisfactory. The church never had
                                                                                    it were, sharia law would be per-        to the collective violence toward        moral integrity, but only now is this
                                                                                    mitted. Another reason is that the       Jews. (This statement took place         being recognized.
                                                                                    potential to conceal atrocious acts,     on Good Friday, a day that for cen-         It is wrong, each and every time,
                                                                                    like the sodomizing of young boys,       turies was used by Christians to         to conceal the abuse of children.
                                                                                    is much higher if legal immunity is      place the responsibility of Christ’s     It is made worse when the abus-
                                                                                    provided to religious leaders.           death on the Jews.) The evidence         ers are those who claim to have the
                                                                                       The reaction from the Vatican is      suggests that the church is begin-       moral high ground. Worst of all is
                                                                                    predictable. They are waging the         ning to feel its loss of power — we      the claim that one man on Earth is
                                                                                    public relations battle to save the      should all be grateful. The church       God’s infallible representative. That
                                                                                    respect of their institution, which      has lost its ability to coerce believ-   man and many others have been
                                                                                    is growing weaker each day. The          ers. In the same way that miracles       found out, and it is time that they
                                                                                    pope’s personal preacher was stu-        no longer occur, the church has          all be brought to justice.
                                                                                                                                                                                                  GAUNTLET OPINIONS APRIL 08.10 11

The cost of an education
How the U of C’s tuition proposal went wrong
Hazel Jenkins                                                           applicants also applied to the University of
Gauntlet Opinions                                                       Waterloo, and all were turned down, Water-                 Annual tuition in Bachelor of Engineering programs across Canada
                                                                        loo would still look like a major competitor.

             hat is the market value of a Uni-                          Good universities tend to be big and have                                               University of Waterloo
             versity of Calgary education? It’s                         low acceptance rates. So, using this method,                                               Queen’s University
             not the full cost of providing it;                         the university will tend to overestimate its                        University of Calgary (proposed)
in the hope that educating people is a good                             upmarketness.
                                                                                                                                                                  Dalhousie University
investment, post-secondary education                                       A third-year engineering student, Aaron
is subsidized. Forty-eight per cent of the                              Hicks, noted the effect of this sampling bias
U of C’s 2009 revenue came from the Al-                                 when he spoke to the provost at the tuition
berta government, 11 per cent from the                                  consultation meeting.                                                                     University of Ottawa
federal government and 15 per cent from                                    “You said that the tuition increases would
tuition, according to the university’s finan-                           put us in line with other universities across                                     University of Saskatchewan
cial report.                                                            Canada, but yet when I collected a list of
   The Alberta government takes a different                             [engineering] tuition off of university web-
approach to measuring market value.                                     sites — I collected 17 universities, most of
   “The instruction we were provided with                               the major and medium-sized ones — the                                                         McGill University
was to compare ourselves with compara-                                  University of Calgary’s proposed tuition in-
ble universities that we compete with for                               crease puts us a lot higher than most other
                                                                                                                                                                  University of Alberta
students,” Alan Harrison, U of C provost                                universities.”
and vice-president academic said at the                                    In reply, the provost listed six universi-
                                                                                                                                               University of Calgary (current)
January 27 tuition consultation meeting.                                ties, the five most expensive in the country
Harrison described the selection criterion                              and the eighth most expensive. Hicks dis-
                                                                                                                                                        University of British Columbia
the university used.                                                    puted the completeness of the list: “Okay, so
   “When we look at the applications we re-                             what about all the other universities that are
ceive . . . we also know which universities                             lower? Why aren’t those used?”
students which apply to Calgary apply to at                                “Because those aren’t the universities that
the same time, and those are the schools we                             we compete with for our students. It’s very                                                 Bishop’s University
compete with for students.”                                             simple,” replied Harrison.                             Sources: Statistics Canada census of 2009-2010 tuition preliminary data for all Canadian schools offering Engg programs; “A Proposal
   The approach has flaws. Firstly, some in-                               There is a second category of upward bias.          to Apply Market Modifiers to Tuition Fees in Professional Programs,” University of Calgary tuition proposal to provincial government.
                                                                                                                               For schools with two lines, middle line is lowest tuition level, right-most line is highest tuition level.
stitutions get more applications than others.                           For many degree programs, there are lots of
McGill gets way more than Lethbridge. So if                             universities charging mid-range tuition, a
U of C applicants made up, say, ex-                                     few charging a bit less and a few charging a          These two categories, sample bias and                                   Another method the university has used
actly one per cent of the total applica-                                lot more. A few really expensive places have        skew, correspond to the first two chapters                             to determine market value is the expected
tions to each university in the coun-                                   a huge effect on the arithmetic average, so         of Darrell Huff ’s classic book, How to Lie                            earnings of graduates. The idea is that stu-
try, you’d conclude that the universities                               most universities will charge less than the         with Statistics. If all institutions used the                          dents should pay more for degrees that will
with the highest number of applications                                 mean. Taking a mean, or cherry-picking the          U of C’s algorithm to set their tuition levels,                        let them earn more.
were your primary competition.                                          most expensive universities, will give you a        tuition would rise across the country until                               A first-year law student, Amanda Win-
   Acceptance rates vary, too. If all U of C                            strong overestimate of usual tuition levels.        everyone was charging the maximum rate.                                                         see tuition, pg. 12

    BSD: Get out and celebrate a great year!
                                                                           title is a mystery to your peers. Maybe you      the place to run into that guy you knew in                            five itching on the palm of your hand and a
                                                                           consistently hung on until the “No-Pants         Rocks for Jocks two years ago that you kind                           deserved sense of pride for what you’ve done
                                                                           Dance” every Thursden and still managed to       of struck up a “hey we sit beside each other                          this year. Maybe you’re graduating—leaving
       Kat Lord
                                                                           make it to your 8am class the next morning.      and feel compelled to exchange pleasantries”                          UofC forever. Or maybe you’ve just started
       VP Events                                                           These are all achievements worthy of one day     conversation. Who knows? You won’t know if                            out. Either way the many journeys we’re all

              ou’re almost done. Good job. It’s                            devoted to your happiness. Lucky for you—        you don’t go to BSD. This is also the one place                       on can be a heavy load to carry. Sometimes
              been tough. You’ve honed your skills                         BSD provides.                                    you’re going to go where most people know                             it’s best to set that load down and kick-up
              of procrastination and discovered                              We’ve got some sick entertainment featuring    your name and if they don’t they’re in on                             your heels with the party going down on the
     the value of bad coffee for those all-nighters.                       live bands and stellar DJ’s, combined with the   learning it. It’s just that friendly, chatty, funny                   side of the road.
     But—you’re in the home stretch now. Sure,                             largest dance floor ever seen, you’re already    space that happens once a year on this campus                           See you at BSD Friday April 16th, 12-5pm
     you’re soon going to have finals to prep for, still                   sitting pretty. For those of you who like to     that really is all about good times and fun.                          in Lot 32. Get your wristbands April 12-15
     it’s important you take some time out of the                          pair your music with affordable refreshments,      Sure, you could jam out. You could go                               in the MSC South Courtyard. You’ll need a
     wackiness of academia and boogie down one                             well, we’ve got those too—plus enough port-      and study but it’s only going to make you                             UofC ID and proof you’re 18. Also, grab a
     last time this school year. That’s where BSD                          a-potties to wow you silly.                      miserable. Although it’s an admirable decision,                       BSD t-shirt while you’re there for $10. All
     comes in—an epic party that’s been around a                             More than this though—it’s where your          maybe cut yourself a break for once. You                              proceeds go to charity.
     long time to help UofC students celebrate.                            people are going to be. Whoever they are         there—the one always in the library keeping                             I’m looking forward to giving you a high-
       Maybe this semester you finally got that                            and wherever you met them and whatever           it real with books, learning and obtaining the                        five. Thanks for a great year everyone. Kat.
     A+ paper. Maybe you did an honours thesis                             they mean to you it’s always good to say         4.0. You’re the person I want to see out on
     on a topic so laden with smartness even its                           ‘hello’ again before saying ‘goodbye’. BSD’s     April 16th with a smile on your face, a high                                                               so me!

So SU Me is provided by the Students’ Union and published without Gauntlet editorial revision.

Tuition, continued from page 11
ters, objected to this, saying that     ly through the work they con-        in tuition fees (adjusted for infla-      of “increased competition for the      rollment model, where all courses
law students who want to work on        tribute. It’s hard to estimate the   tion, too). The cost of delivering        highest quality faculty, [and] the     are open to all members of the
social issues, like human rights,       value of a human-rights lawyer.      these degrees is kept secret, but         associated growth in faculty sala-     university, but Canadian institu-
earn much less.                         But if a Haskayne MBA increases      it’s probably less than 400 per cent      ries” in the Haskayne School of        tions mostly use a fee-per-course
  “[There are] students who want        a student’s annual income from       of tuition. You’d think the govern-       Business. Discussing the medical       model. The university wanted to
to serve their community, but may       $56,697 to $91,000 (2008 figures,    ment would be after the university        faculty, the proposal said that “the   substantially increase annual fees.
not be able to as a result of the in-   from the university’s proposal),     to churn out as many grads as the         cost[s] of operating a high-qual-      This may be partially regulation-
crease,” she said at the meeting.       then Alberta’s 10 per cent flat      market would bear.                        ity program are significant, and       dodging, but it would have af-
  Here too, the provost doesn’t         tax means that a Haskayne grad           Indirect economic contribu-           rising fast.” Differential tuition     fected part-time students. The
think that the shape of the distri-     returns about 12 per cent of their   tions are harder to quantify. A           helps to cushion such changes.         university also proposed charging
bution is important.                    MBA tuition, in additional taxes,    doctor’s taxable income is less im-       The Alberta government’s educa-        higher fees for courses offered by
  “What we don’t do is look at          in the first year after gradua-      pressive than an MBA’s, but Alber-        tion funding is not tied to cost of    some faculties.
what the minimum is earned by           tion (seven per cent of their to-    ta’s doctor shortage likely means         provision (nor to inflation, nor to       There are different ways to fi-
any student graduating in law,          tal post-secondary tuition). This    increased workforce absenteeism.          enrollment), so universities can       nance a degree. Most Canadian
any more than we look at what’s         percentage will presumably in-       A civil engineer builds infrastruc-       get badly squeezed. The funding        tuition is too high to allow a stu-
the most earned by any student          crease yearly, as the fresh grad     ture worth many times their taxes;        system also penalizes the creation     dent to put themselves through
graduating in law. We look at av-       gains experience and seniority.      ask the oil patch to put a value on       of new student spaces, so such in-     university with a minimum-wage
erages.”                                Even without raises, if the grad     its engineers. A good teacher is          creases often have to be legislated.   (or moderately well-paying) sum-
  A student repays the public           works until they’re 65, the Alber-   also worth a lot to Alberta, even            It’s not really a level playing     mer job. More-subsidized fees,
investment in their education           ta government will get, in taxes,    if teachers don’t earn much. The          field, either. Some provinces fund     bursaries and scholarships pro-
partially through taxes and part-       three times as much as they got      value of a non-professional degree        their universities more than oth-      vide up-front help, while lower
                                                                             is even harder to quantify, but the       ers; Alberta universities get dou-     taxes, tax credits and loans help
                                                                             government could attempt a pub-           ble what Ontario universities get,     families with solid incomes. In
                                                                             lished cost-benefit analysis.             in provincial funds per student        Canada, the poorest and the rich-
                                                                                 Finally, the university ties mar-     (full-time-equivalent).     Québec     est students are generally better-
                                                                             ket value to the full cost of provid-     schools get only 53 per cent of the    funded, and the middle incomes
                                                                             ing the degree. Students whose de-        provincial funding that Alberta        are the first to feel the squeeze.
                                                                             grees need expensive instructors          does, but it regulates tuition; this      So how should students pay for
                                                                             or equipment, it is argued, should        year, tuition in any subject cost      their degree? What is the ideal
                                                                             pay more. Differential tuition has        $1,968 per year. Québec’s out-of-      type and level of tuition? Unfor-
                                                                             increased sharply in past decades,        province fees (at 2.75 times the       tunately, judging by the attention
                                                                             as this idea has gained popularity.       domestic rate) were comparable         paid to the post-secondary fund-
                                                                                 The cost of providing degrees is      to fees in other provinces.            ing flatline in the last budget, and
                                                                             not entirely under the university’s          There are different ways to         the lack of public debate over tu-
                                                                             control. The document the univer-         charge for a degree. Some uni-         ition hikes planned for next year,
                                                                             sity sent to the government spoke         versities run a straight fee-for-en-   few Albertans care.

                                                                             Help wanted
                                                                             Why student jobs are on the rise
                                                                             Leonardo Tovar                            fers to a “jobless recovery” in the    cantly helped by a 4 per cent in-
                                                                             Gauntlet Opinions                         United States, that is not the case    crease in the residential building
                                                                                                                       in Canada. Employment rose by          sector. Manufacturing was up 1.9
                                                                                Finally, there is good news for stu-   20,900 in February, pushing the un-    per cent. Increases in other indus-
                                                                             dents: the economy is rebounding          employment rate to 8.2 per cent, a     tries such as retail, finance and
                                                                             from its depressing performance in        10-month low. Although part-time       insurance, transportation and the
                                                                             2009, which seems to be having an         employment decreased by 39,300         public sector also occurred in Feb-
                                                                             effect in the labour market.              jobs, full-time positions expanded     ruary.
                                                                                According to Statistics Canada,        by 60,200.                                Most importantly, the energy
                                                                             gross domestic product rose an              However, below the surface,          sector, the backbone of Alberta’s
                                                                             inflation-adjusted 0.6 per cent           most employment gains were for         economy, is on the rise. With crude
                                                                             from December 2009 to January             men over the age of 55. Those aged     oil prices at a 17-month-high $85
                                                                             2010. What’s more, economists at          15 to 24 experienced an increase in    per barrel and a lower-than-antic-
                                                                             Scotiabank’s Global Economic Re-          the unemployment rate from 15.1        ipated conventional oil royalties
                                                                             search unit expect a domestic GDP         to 15.2 per cent thanks to a shed of   scheme, Calgary seems set to start
                                                                             increase of 3.2 per cent in 2010.         4,200 jobs.                            riding another wave of economic
                                                                             This type of economic growth far            But things will get rosier. GDP      boom in 2010.
                                                                             outstrips other industrialized na-        growth was mostly boosted by              So, start dusting off your re-
                                                                             tions, especially those represented       goods-producing industries, such       sumes and begin to polish your
                                                                             by the Organisation for Economic          as construction and manufactur-        interview skills because wheth-
                                                                             Co-operation and Development,             ing, two sectors in which students     er you’re a new grad or looking
                                                                             which is only projected to grow by        tend to partake during the sum-        for seasonal employment, this
                                                                             1.9 per cent on average this year.        mer break. Construction grew           summer promises a better labour
                                                                                Although the media often re-           1.7 per cent in February, signifi-     market than last year’s.
features                                                                                                                                                               GAUNTLET APRIL 08.10 13
                                                                                                                                                                      Editor: Sarelle Azuelos—

Candle-lit Kraft Dinner
Two-timing with textbooks: surviving a long-term student relationship
Emily Ask                                and studying for finals.
Gauntlet Features                           At least that’s the situation my
                                         boyfriend and I have found our-
                                                                                                                   “It’s a ‘I’m going to sit on the couch
       t’s spring! Someone get a re-     selves in recently — maybe you
       lationship article out — stat!”   can relate. It’s a hard topic to ad-
       you were saying right as you
opened up the paper. To your de-
                                         dress when you’re in the middle
                                         of school, but it can also be hard                                     and watch a movie in my undies eating
light, you find one right here! Oh       to avoid once you reach a certain
joy of joys! Yes, I know, it’s every-    point in your relationship.                                                            Cheetos,’ kind of thing.”
thing you ever wanted. Because              Our active imaginations yielded
right here we are going to navigate      nice ideas about “the future” that,
the complicated yet beautiful paths      unfortunately, didn’t seem very
of student long-term relationships.      plausible. Or did they? I decided to
   Getting a date is hard enough,        enlist the wisdom and aid of three
you might say, but the first date is     student couples to get more per-
definitely not as challenging com-       spective.
pared to what might follow. You             The first couple I talked to was
may pat yourself on the back if the      Kelly Thomas, 22, a fifth-year an-
date goes well, but then what? Sec-      thropology student and Daniel Gill,
ond date? Third date? First kiss?        22, a fifth-year software engineer-
   These are all exciting but pre-       ing student. They started dating in
carious situations because you just      high school and had been together
might find yourself in a full-out        four years before they decided to
grown-up relationship.                   move in.
   So you’re in an exclusive rela-          Near the end of 2008, Dan’s
tionship. Congratulations, but           parents left for a year and gave
you’re not home free. You can’t kick     him and Kelly the keys to the
back and relax now that you have         house.
a significant other. You’ve got to          They didn’t have to pay rent, but
make an effort to keep that person       still had to go grocery shopping,
around and see how well the two of       plan meals, do chores, do home-
you work together.                       work and go to work (Dan was fin-
   And then, one day, you realize        ishing an internship during the first
that while the second or third dates     six months).                            special and were excited to share it    so you need to have that level of          managed to stay on top of most
seem like they happened yesterday,          We met at Higher Ground, a           with me.                                trust . . . You need to be able to         chores.
they actually happened two or three      cozy coffee shop in Kensington.            Dan and Kelly now live sepa-         not be a girlfriend sometimes, you            Dan found frequently invit-
years ago. In that time span you         Nervously, I welcomed them and          rately, he with his parents and she     need to be a friend too. I think if it’s   ing people over for dinner was
worked, played, hung out, made           started asking questions, complete-     with roommates, but they knew be-       just a sex relationship, I don’t think     good motivation to clean — that
out, talked, fought, laughed and         ly forgetting to offer them a tea or    forehand their time living together     it would work.                             way the cleaning had to be done
cried with this person — this won-       coffee. After about 20 minutes I ran    would be temporary.                        Dan: It’s a ‘I’m going to sit on the    before company arrived.
derful person that, for some reason,     out of questions, but the conversa-        Kelly: I think you have to be re-    couch and watch a movie in my un-             I asked if they ever had any
doesn’t think you’re an idiot.           tion lasted an hour.                    ally good friends with your boy-        dies eating Cheetos,’ kind of thing.       fights, and they said that there were
   What now? You have scary                 Dan and Kelly were extremely         friend, otherwise it’s not going to        Even though Dan and Kelly took          a few, but nothing major. Gener-
and exciting talks about “the fu-        comfortable with each other and         work. When you’re living together       turns making dinner, cooking and           ally they tried to address problems
ture” over Kraft Dinner inbe-            with answering any questions. To-       you can’t be together all the time,     planning meals ahead of time was           before they turned into big argu-
tween writing essays, lab reports        gether they had found something         like, it’s not romantic all the time,   still a challenge, although they           ments. Being honest and easy-go-

ing helped them deal with conflicts before       and I could imagine we’d have taken that                                                                                                schoo
                                                                                                                                                house clean so it’s easier to focus on school or
they escalated.                                  out on each other, at least sometimes.                                                         each other, but admits that she and Jon to     took
   “How did you keep up the romantic part of     Don’t move out if it’s going to ruin your                                                                                               plann
                                                                                                                                                awhile to adapt. Cooking and meal planning
your relationship?” I asked.                     life. If you’re going to spend so much time                                                     is also a logistical challenge since they are
   Kelly: We went out for dinner, especially     just trying to pay the rent, then you’re not                                                     both so busy with school.
when he was working. He had money which          getting that learning experience that it’s sup-                                                                                       homew
                                                                                                                                                      Even though it is hard to do homework
was . . . weird. Like my mom always said,        posed to be. You’re just stressing out the en-                                                     instead of spending time together, th      they
which bothered me, she always said we were       tire time.                                                                                          encourage each other and know they w       will
‘playing house’ . . . which made it seem like       I was uplifted after our interview. My im-                                                         get to see each other at the end of the dday.
we were kids pretending to be together. But it   pression was not only that they were very                                                                                                   da
                                                                                                                                                        They also make a point to go on dates,
was kind of nice to pretend that we were like,   much in love, but that they had grown closer.                                                           usually on the weekends.
an old couple living together — and that was        Their love was not just one of roses and                                                                 Erin: We’re both really easy-go
kind of romantic.                                candlelit dinners, but developed support and                                                              people; we’re not really fightingght
   Dan: Yeah, coming home to that person…        trust for when times were stressful or mun-           pp
                                                                                                   h app e n                                                people. We definitely have d        dis-
   Kelly: It’s a different kind of romance.      dane.                                             . . . [Fi-                                                agreements, but it’s not like we
   “Do you think it’s a good idea for all           My next interview was with Jon and Erin        nances                                                                                  take
                                                                                                                                                               have yelling matches. It takes a
couples to move out together before mar-         Delamonte, a wonderfully enthusiastic mar-            re]
                                                                                                   were] defi-                                                  lot for us to get angry at e   each
                                                                            ried couple. Like          ely
                                                                                                   nitely     an                                                 other.

“I like that I have one consistent                                          Dan and Kelly,
                                                                            both are only 22
                                                                                                   part of decid-
                                                                                                                                                                    Jon: When things do come
                                                                                                                                                                   up we do our best to t
                                                                            years old.             ing whether or                                                                              r
                                                                                                                                                                    about it rationally. We read
roommate that I happen to really,                                              Jon is com-         not it would be                                                   a lot of marriage boo  books,
                                                                            pleting his hon-             d
                                                                                                   good timing to                                                                             It’
                                                                                                                                                                      which is fantastic. It’s a
really like. It’s not like I have a                                         ours degree in
                                                                            linguistics at the
                                                                                                   get married. We
                                                                                                   did a lot of bud-
                                                                                                                                                                       great resource — th
                                                                                                                                                                        help you communic

jerk to live with or people coming                                          U of C, while Erin
                                                                            is in her fourth
                                                                                                   geting to see if it
                                                                                                   was financially re-
                                                                                                                                                                         So I think we have a
                                                                                                                                                                          great skill set in being
and going. Doing life together is                                           year of business
                                                                            administration at
                                                                                                   sponsible. We actual-
                                                                                                   ly wanted to get mar-
                                                                                                                                                                               While they haven’t

really a huge benefit.”                                                     Mount Royal Uni-
                                                                            versity. They dated
                                                                                                   ried a year earlier but it
                                                                                                   didn’t seem financially
                                                                                                                                                                             had any reve   revela-
                                                                                                                                                                              tions about each e
                                                                            for two years and          sible.
                                                                                                   feasible.                                                                   other, they haveh
riage?” I queried.                               then were engaged for two years before they           on
                                                                                                      Jon and Erin live to-                                                     had to grow ac-
   Kelly: I have a lot of very conserva-         got married.                                          her
                                                                                                   gether in a basement suite                                                    custom to re-
tive Christian friends who, like, you don’t         They were both very busy at separate cam-      in between MRU and the                                                         spective habits
kiss your boyfriend until you get married.       puses, which meant that our interview had to           f
                                                                                                   U of C — a result of some in-                                                   around         the
I would not recommend it for them be-            be a conference call. Even still, I could hear        se
                                                                                                   tense budgeting and helpful                                                      house.
cause that’s how they’re raised and their        their eagerness to share their story.                  olarships.
                                                                                                   scholarships. They have one                                                          Erin says
relationship works because they’re both on          Erin: We clicked so well right from            car and take turns driving
the same page. I think it’s very specific to     when we first started dating in Grade 12.            d
                                                                                                   and using public transit. Many
each couple.                                     Our relationship advanced so quickly —                 ple
                                                                                                   people were generous with wed-
   Dan stressed logistics. He and Kelly dis-     we knew that we were right for each oth-               g
                                                                                                   ding gifts as well, so the couple
cussed moving in together during their           er . . . We were emotionally ready to be              eived
                                                                                                   received enough household items
second year of university, but he’s glad they    married and after being together for as           to get them started. They also often
didn’t.                                          long as we had, it definitely didn’t seem             eive
                                                                                                   receive restaurant gift certificates for
   Dan: We would have been really stressed       unreasonable.                                          hdays
                                                                                                   birthdays and Christmas, which help
out. I’m really glad we didn’t ‘cause there’s       Jon: We just didn’t see why [we] should            ke
                                                                                                   make dates cheaper.
just no way we could have handled it,            wait before we finished school to see that             rin
                                                                                                      Erin thinks it is important to keep the
                                                                                                                                                       GAUNTLET FEATURES APRIL 08.10 15

that when she comes home from              more than capable of doing so.          coming in during school. It’s all in      Kelsey: We’ve definitely talk-       ing if we know the other one’s mad.
school she’s usually tired and may-          My final interview was with           the summer and then all that goes      ed about it. Nothing short term         We’ll try to get everything out in
be a bit grumpy, needing some              U of C students Stephan Norman-         to school, so I wouldn’t want to       though. It’s definitely, ‘Let’s get     the open, so I think that’s good.
alone time to recuperate by just           deau and Kelsey Kublik. Stephan,        come up short on payments and          through school first’ and go with          They said the only larger con-
checking e-mail or watching TV.            21, is a third-year geomatics engi-     stuff like that living somewhere.      that.                                   flicts they could think of involved
    Erin: When we were dating Jon          neering student, and Kelsey, 20, is     And my parents can’t help me in           Since they are both in engineer-     being in a particular group project
didn’t see that side of me, so he          a third-year chemical engineering       that sense, so it’d be tough.          ing, Stephan and Kelsey say that        together and deciding where to ap-
thought it was something he did.           student. They’ve been dating for          Kelsey: And then by waiting a bit    they have a good support system         ply for internships.
    Jon: She would come home all           almost two and a half years after       we’d be able to buy a place instead    and have learned how to balance            Kelsey: Trying to decide what
tired and I would think, ‘Oh you           meeting in first-year engineering.      of renting.                            school and their relationship.          kind of internship to go on . . . like
must have had a bad day, you must            They met on campus in the ICT           Stephan: And get a better place         Stephan: If we’re both really        both of us at one point were consid-
want to talk about it.’ But no, she        building, conveniently next to the      too. So I’m okay with waiting a few    busy, we’ll both do homework to-        ering going away, so that’s kind of a
didn’t want to talk about it then.         engineering building where they         years or whatever.                     gether, then make dinner and go to      touchy point. But we talked about it
She’ll talk about it in half an hour.                                                                                     a movie or something. But if it’s not   and it’s all good now.
    The fact that they were both very
family-orientated aided in their de-       I asked them what they thought                                                 busy we both try to keep it separate
                                                                                                                          if we can.
                                                                                                                                                                     I admired that Stephan and
                                                                                                                                                                  Kelsey seemed to be totally crazy
cision to get married.                                                                                                       Kelsey: We’re always at school       about each other, while at the same
    Jon: One thing I really like about
it is most university students, and
                                           the difference was between living                                              together, so we’ll kind of meet up in
                                                                                                                          between classes and go for coffee to
                                                                                                                                                                  time they were willing to be patient
                                                                                                                                                                  about taking a step further in their
I guess us included, end up hav-
ing roommates. I like that I have
                                           together and getting married,                                                  kind of fit in that time somewhere.
                                                                                                                             Another way they keep school-
                                                                                                                                                                  relationship. They both agreed that
                                                                                                                                                                  emotionally they would be ready
one consistent roommate that I
happen to really, really like. It’s        and for a moment they didn’t                                                   work separate from their love life is
                                                                                                                          bonding over food.
                                                                                                                                                                  to live together, but wanted to wait
                                                                                                                                                                  for financial stability before doing
not like I have a jerk to live with                                                                                          Stephan: For a good while there,     so.
or people coming and going. Do-
ing life together is really a huge
                                           know how to answer.                                                            actually every week, we’d just pick a
                                                                                                                          good recipe and cook it on Fridays
                                                                                                                                                                     Needless to say, at the end of all
                                                                                                                                                                  my interviews, I was overwhelmed
benefit.                                                                                                                  and if our family’s around we could     by their cuteness. Each of these
    Erin: This isn’t for everybody, not    have spent many, many hours to-            They also said they would try       cook it for them, and then go to a      couples had different perspec-
everyone can do this. Just because         gether. In fact, during the first       living together before getting mar-    movie or something and just not do      tives and different experiences,
it’s right for us doesn’t mean its         year and a half they knew each          ried.                                  any schoolwork for that night . . .     but all had something valuable to
right for everyone else [but] it’s a lot   other, they shared most of the same        Kelsey: I think moving in to-       talk about our week and stuff.          offer.
more attainable than people think it       classes, bonding over [insert engi-     gether first just separates the two       A common theme among the                If anything is to be taken away
is. It’s about priorities. For example,    neering stereotype here: foosball,      things ’cause they’re both huge        couples I talked to was strong com-     from this, it’s that each couple is
we don’t have cable. So little choices     Schulich calculators, hoe-down,         life events. Getting married and       munication. They all said that the      different and needs to discover
like that can make it a feasible op-       bad puns, Supercow].                    moving in all at once to me is         best way to stick together was to       what works best for them, relying
tion for those considering getting            All jokes aside, Stephan and         just — holy, that’s a lot of stuff     address smaller problems before         on good communication to come
married.                                   Kelsey arrived holding hands and        going on!                              they turned into big ones.              to that conclusion.
    I’m not going to lie; student          smiling, despite having just finished      I asked them what they thought         Stephan: We talk a lot. If there’s      So I will do just that and leave
married life sounded a bit ter-            a midterm. After getting a brief        the difference was between living      anything bugging either of us we’ll     you to come to your own conclu-
rifying after I talked to Jon and          rundown on their history, Stephan       together and getting married, and      talk about it right away and try not    sions, but I hope I have helped pro-
Erin, but I was impressed that             said that despite their compatibil-     for a moment they didn’t know how      to let it simmer.                       vide you with a taste of some of the
they could pull it off and main-           ity, they currently live with their     to answer.                                Kelsey: We’re both pretty pester-    options available.
tain their level of passion. Clearly       parents and plan to wait until they        Ultimately they agreed it came
this is a very determined couple           graduate before living together.        down to the level of commitment,
who believe they have what it takes           Stephan: It’s mostly the money       but other than that, there wasn’t
to endure extremely challenging            issue. I mean, I have no income         much of a difference.
situations during the first years of
    Even after such a brief conversa-
tion, I got the impression they were
                          academic probation
                          The Kat is out
                          of the bag
                          SU member threatens student
                          newspaper with violence in
                          wake of April Fools fallout
                          Brad Halasz                            nel from our house in Brentwood
                          AP Editor                              to the BSD grounds,” said Henry
                                                                 Fergusen, who admitted his

                                  allout from the Gauntlet’s     “brainstorming” session mostly
                                  April 1st front-page story     involved movies about prohi-
                                  came to a head this week       bition and whisky smuggling
                          as Kat Lord, SU VP Events, went        mixed in with a 36-pack of Boxer
                          public with threats of violence        Beer.
                          against the student run newspa-           “We were going to call our-
                          per and its staff.                     selves the Boxer Beer Barons and
                             “First I’m going to come and        wear fedoras and everything,”
                          burn down the Gauntlet office,         he said. “Now that we know it’s
                          then I’m going to bitch slap the       a hoax, we don’t have to put our
                          Editor-in-Chief, Cam Cotton-           family and our lives at risk.”
                          O’Brien, then I’m going to peti-          Several more students needed
                          tion the UN so that there is no        to be talked out of psychosis at
                          April Fool’s                                               the wellness
                          again,” said
                                          “First I’m going
                                        ever                                         centre,
                                                                                     one — who

                          Lord in a
                          heated, one-
                                          to come and burn                           could not be
                                                                                     named — had
                          sided phone     down the Gauntlet
                          i n t e r v i e w.
                                                                                     been drink-
                                                                                     ing non-stop
                          “Failing that
                          I’m going to
                                          office, then I’m go-                        since      read-
                                                                                     ing the story
                          nuclear arse-
                                          ing to bitch slap the
                                           a                                         in fear of be-
                                                                                     ing sober at
                          nal, that will
                          be my deter-
                                          Editor-in-Chief, Cam                       BSD. He is
                                                                                     currently on
                          rence so that
                                                                                     display in a
                                                                                     glass cage on
                          not happen                                                 the top floor
                          again,”        she                             Kat Lord of the Arts
                             The story,
                                                                -SU VP Events Parkade the
                                                                                     part of

                          written by Cotton-O’Brien, stat-       Taking Flight Festival. Admission
                          ed that incompetence in the SU,        is a donation of one beer.
                          particularly within the BSD plan-         According to Lord, her unprec-
                          ning committee, led to an over-        edented blow-up is the result of
                          sight in acquiring a liquor licence    the reaction to the deminished
                          leaving the annual year-end free-      well-being of the students she
                          for-all a dry event.                   represents.
                             Although there was a disclaim-         “I’m the person responsible, I
                          er at the end of the article, tens     don’t want to fuck it up,” she said,
                          of thousands of students were          emphasizing “fuck,” a far cry from
                          in shock, too irate or too illiter-    her reputation as a graceful and
                          ate to make it past the second         professional SU member.
                          paragraph, resulting in a state of         When reached for comment,
                          beermergency.                          the Gauntlet emphasized it regret-
                             “My friends and I were six          ted the story and promises to go
                          hours into a brainstorming ses-        back to only writing about things
                          sion on how to dig a keg line tun-     no one cares about.
three lines free
Do you know what makes me sad?
When I have to make up TLFs. Seri-
                                             Nuclear power is stupid.
                                                        – Moronic-Freakshow-Guy
                                                                                      First ever BSD After Party at Vinyl Retro
                                                                                      Lounge Hosted by the U of C Strength
                                                                                                                                   To those few people who practically
                                                                                                                                   lived in the info commons this past
                                                                                                                                                                                   GAUNTLET APRIL 08.10 17

                                                                                                                                                                                To the ass-clowns who thought van-
                                                                                                                                                                                dalizing my truck in McMahon park-
ously guys, you make me cry giant                                                     & Fitness Club! Free transportation,         year, it has been a slice spending           ing lot after Ann Coulter’s speech was
editor tears. When my eyes are full of       Use Nuclear Power already you frea-      no line, no cover and one free drink!        countless hours with you. You don’t          a good idea: You really showed her
tears, it’s hard for me to read, which       kin’ n00bz.                              We will have a table set up in Mac Hall      know me and I don’t know you, we’ve          didn’t you? Oh, and thanks for getting
makes it hard for me to do my read-                                    – SuperG33r    from April 8th – April 15th so stop by to    never spoke, but we’ve all spent more        me a parking ticket.
ings for class, and then I fail my ex-       [The battle begins! Moronic-Freak-       get your tickets!                            time with each other than with our                 [Really? this is the second TLF re-
ams. You’re making me fail. I don’t          show-Guy engineers a solar powered           [Y’know, if you plan on lasting long     families and significant others. Good                cently that’s used “ass-clown” as
want to fail! Why are you doing this         enviro-bot to shit kick SuperG33r.           enough to make it to an afterparty.      luck with finals, if you don’t ace them                 an insult. Is this a thing now?
to me? I thought we had a connec-            SuperG33r counters by melting en-                                  – Intoxicat-Ed]    I’ll be disappointed.                                                     – Confus-Ed]
tion, you know, something special.           viro-bot’s arms with nuclear waste                                                                        – stayin’ up all night
You have one last chance to send in          products. Injured and robot-less,        To myself in ENGG 513: Stop being            [‘Tis a special bond shared by book-         Play him off, keyboard cat!
a TLF before the end of the year. ONE        both give up and go to the bar to        such a freakin’ keener, sitting all at the   worms hiding in their book nooks
CHANCE. Don’t give it up. I know,            drown their sorrows in liquor. MFG       front, interacting with the prof, phh!       reading feverishly until all hours           Got like 2 weeks left. . .Duuuuuuuude.
you’re all probably busy studying/           insults the integrity of SuperG33r’s          [That’ll teach you for being such a     of the night. Of course it’s all po-                  [Actually, you have one week.
drinking/being outside, but take a cou-      mother. SuperG33r retaliates with           nerd. Next thing you know, you’ll be      etry until the sun hits your sleep                             Last chance for TLFS.
ple seconds and send in a note. Bring        remark on the posterior of MFG’s            giving yourself swirlies and shoving      deprived eyes in the morning.                          – Consider yourself Warn-Ed]
your TLF to MSC 319 or e-mail them to        sister. Blows exchanged. Bar brawl                 yourself into your own locker.                                   – Studi-Ed] All submissions         ensues. Police intervention is sought.                                 – Bulli-Ed]
must include your name, ID number,           Both end up in drunk tank. Country                                                                                                 What are you waiting for
                                                                                                                                   Another earthquake another day,
phone number and signature. Sub-             continues to be oil powered. The end.                                                                                              Really. . . time is running out
                                                                                      Hi M!                                        Indonesia instead of Mexico had to sway,
missions judged to be racist, sexist,                                  – Narrat-Ed]                                                                                             It’s easy.
                                                                                      I recently learned you’re graduat-           I hope disaster doesn’t come your way,
homophobic or attacks of a personal                                                                                                                                             Three lines, that’s it.
                                                                                      ing this year. . .a Leading Mind in the      So you could have a decent day.
nature will not be tolerated.                Think about that Bitchez. . .                                                                                                      Especially since
                                                                                      Class of 2010. Congratulations on your                             – Richard’s buddy
                                                                                                                                                                                This is the
                                             Poetry, Part 4                           academic achievements! Best wishes                  [Richard’s buddies are the best
                                                                                                                                                                                Last week
Dear Stats 217 guy,                          by Richard Lam.                          always. P.S. I think you’d be an ex-                       buddies! Especially when
The editor is right: you’re losing time.     i        do                              traordinary monarch!(e-mail: jdmsg@                                they write poems.
Rather than mull over whether or not         Dont      you                                                                                    – Pleas-Ed]
to approach her, just engage in a ca-           get      Get                                                            – j.d
                                                                                                                                                                                WRITE TLFS WRITE TLFS WRITE TLFS
sual conversation with her. She might             it.      it?                                                                     Straight outta Compton is a brotha           BRING COOKIES FOR YOUR EDITOR
be single. . . you will never know un-                                                weekly witty words of wisdom:                that’ll smother yo’ mother and make          WRITE TLFS WRITE TLFS WRITE TLFS
less you try. And with that, I wish you                                               if pro is the opposite of con, what is       ya sister think I love her.
                                             Don’t put Descartes before the horse.                                                                                              (Seriously with the cookies though,
luck. (PS: do you sit in the back of lec-                                             the opposite of progress? CONGRESS!                              – Eazy Mothafuckin’ E
                                                                   – Philosophised                                                                                              you’ll be my favourite person ever.)
ture 6?)
                    – Concerned Citizen
[Editor is ALWAYS RIGHT. Editor also
enjoys when this back and forth ban-
tering happens.You bring me joy <3.
                  – Easily Entertain-Ed]

**Creative Writing Club starts in Fall
‘10** e-mail writing.ucalgary@gmail.
com if you are interested!!

I want to slowly undress the chocolate
goodness off then store your nutty
goodness inside of me. You are my
one and only M & M. Good luck on
your exams.
                                 – KHC
 [Melts in your mouth, not your hands.
                            – Melt-Ed]

Chris Gheran releases “Coup d’etat”
on Friday April 9, anniversary of Vimy
Ridge, at Blind Beggar Pub. www.
  [This should probably be on the E&P
          page, but I need to fill space,
                    so it’s staying here.
                         – Space Fill-Ed]

Dear Rousseau,
You are a pretentious Bastard. Stop
making shit up.
                    –Modern Science
   [Dear modern science, It’s the truth
 if enough people believe it. The earth
           used to be flat, remember?

All the experts out there, panicking
at once, and do you know what they
need?. . .Me.
        – Worse Than Everybody’s Aunt
       [Of course they need you, you’re
      practically superman. Hotter than
global warming, more intelligent than
    than all the characters on Big Bang
     Theory, stronger than my morning
         coffee. . . What don’t you have?
                           – Inflat-Ed ego]

I’m actually not human. I’m just a
ball of sarcasm wrapped in a thin
layer of flesh.

Atop the peak
The wind hurries our lunch
A soaring view
                                  – Goyo
Editor: Jon Roe—                                                                                                                                   sports
Bike polo virus spreads to U of C                                                                                                                                Dinos goalie
                                                                                                                                                                 gets NHL
Colin Minor
Gauntlet Sports
                                                                                                                                                                 cup of coffee,
         yclists at the university be
         wary, a noxious infection is
         spreading through the bicy-
                                                                                                                                                                 best seat in
cle community. The virus is known
as hard court bike polo, and has
infected and made host of the Bike
                                                                                                                                                                 the house
Root. Bike Polo has been replicating
rapidly on campus since late March.                                                                                                                              Curtis Taylor
The virus has been shown to trans-                                                                                                                               Gauntlet Sports
form mild mannered commuters
into mallet wielding practitioners of                                                                                                                               March 23 started as an ordinary
skillful carnage on two wheels.                                                                                                                                  day for Dinos goaltender Nathan
   Bike Root Founder and Coordina-                                                                                                                               Deobald. He got up early to go to
tor Lance Ayer is now an avid player                                                                                                                             work and then headed off to attend
since bringing the sport to campus                                                                                                                               class at the University of Calgary,
as a part of the community bike                                                                                                                                  where he is a drama student. As
shop’s “Bike Shorts Day” celebration.                                                                                                                            class started, he politely turned the
   “We just decided to have a match                                                                                                                              ringer off his cell phone and tucked
at our Bike Shorts Day party on the                                                                                                                              it away in his bag. While sitting
20th of March and people came out                                                                                                                                in class, Deobald had no idea that
in droves so we just kept doing it,”                                                                                                                             his phone was being bombarded
said Ayer.                                                                                                                                                       with texts and voice mails from his
   The Bike Root now has a set                                                                                                                                   U of C coaches who were desper-
of mallets, made of ski poles and                                                                                                                                ately trying to get a hold of him. As
plumbing pipe. Mallets, bikes, a ball,                                                                                                                           he left class, his day took a drastic
two nets and a surface is all that is                                                                                                                            turn from ordinary to unbelievable
needed for hard court bike polo.                                                                                                                                 in a matter of seconds.
   The game is usually played with                                                                                                                                  The Edmonton Oilers were in
teams of three and ends when one                                                                                                                                 need of an emergency call-up for
team scores three points. Games can                                                                                                                              their evening game against the Van-
be played with four players and to                                                                                                                               couver Canucks, and Deobald was
five points when time permits, but                                                                                                                               their man.
are often timed when many people                                                                                                                                    “I phoned [the coaches] back,
want to play.                                                                                                                                                    and I wasn’t sure at first if they were
   Players cannot touch the ground                                                                                                                               putting me on or not,” Deobald
the whole game, doing so is a penal-                                                                                                                             said.
ty known as “dabbing” and requires                                                                                                                                  Once he spoke to the Oilers’ front
the player to hustle to half court and                                                                                                                           office, Deobald had little time to let
audibly “tap out” on whatever avail-                                                                                                                             everything soak in, as he was in a
able before they can reenter play.                                                                                                                               race against the clock to catch his
Players use the mallet extensively to                                                                                                                            flight to Edmonton.
“tripod” for balance, especially when                                                                                                                               “I didn’t have that much time,” he
defending the goal area.                                                                                                                                         said. “I had to race home to get my
   Bike polo is quite quick and some-                                                                                                                            suit on, and race back to fly out.”
times referred to as bicycle hockey. A                                                                                                                              When he landed, the Oilers had a
team must make at least one pass in                                                                                                                              driver pick him up from the airport,
the other team’s end before shooting.                                                                                                                            and he was driven directly to Rexall
Goals must be shot with the small                                                                                                                                Place.
end of the mallet; shooting with the                                                                                                                                “It was kind of surreal,” said
wide end of the mallet is a “shuffle”                                                                                                                            Deobald. “In a couple hour span I
and does not count. Only “like”                                                                                                                                  went from sitting in class to walk-
contact — body on body, mallet on                                                                                                                                ing through the Edmonton Oilers
mallet or bike on bike — is allowed.                                                                                                                             dressing room where Gretzky and
Collisions and crashes do occur, but                                                                                                                             Messier used to be.”
the sport is safe overall. Bike polo                                                                                                                                Any nerves Deobald may have
etiquette is to play others as hard as                                                                                                                           had were eased by many of the
they play you.                                                                                                                                                   young Edmonton Oilers, who joked
                                                                                                                                            Joey Brocke/the SU
   The game also has a large social as-                                                                                                                          around with him in warm-up and
pect. A portable boom box is essen-       This is as fun as it looks. Play goes down Tuesdays and Saturdays at the U of C tennis courts.                         made him feel as if he was a part of
tial and most players learn to bring                                                                                                                             the team.
food and refreshments, making each        plays, they just want to be here to     tion sport at the 1908 Olympics,    courier communities worldwide.                “They were great guys. They were
bike polo session also an enjoyable       play and it’s a really positive atmo-   the original game being played        Pick-up bike polo is now being           really personable and friendly,” said
potluck. Ayer believes it is the people   sphere,” said Ayer.                     on grass. The hard court variant    played Tuesdays after 5 p.m. and           Deobald. “Two of the younger guys
who make this game so fun.                  Bike polo has been a sport            has grown in popularity in recent   Saturdays after 1 p.m. at the U of C       [Theo] Peckham and [Ryan] Jones
   “Everyone who comes out and            since 1891 and was a demonstra-         years, with much thanks to bike     tennis courts.                              see NHL experience for Dino, pg. 20
                                                                                                                                                           GAUNTLET SPORTS APRIL 08.10 19

Dinos hand out hardware                                                                                                       U of C football players show
                                                                                                                              their stuff at CFL combine
                                                                                                                              Oduwole gets chance with Blue Bombers
                                                                                                                              Douglas Long                         run. Players are not only graded
                                                                                                                              Gauntlet Sports                      on their physical attributes, but
                                                                                                                                                                   tested on their mental abilities to
                                                                                                                                 March was an exceptionally        compete at the professional level.
                                                                                                                              busy month for three hopeful           Later in the month, Oduwole
                                                                                                                              University of Calgary Dinos foot-    converted his showing at the camp
                                                                                                                              ball stars. Erik Glavic, Deji Odu-   into a CFL job. The Winnipeg Blue
                                                                                                                              wole and Anthony Woodson par-        Bombers announced the signing
                                                                                                                              ticipated in the Canadian Football   of fifth-year defensive lineman
                                                                                                                              League evaluation camp in Toron-     March 30. The Coquitlam, B.C.
                                                                                                                              to March 12–14. The evaluation       native was rated in the top-15
                                                                                                                              camp is invite only and featuring    draft eligible players list for 2010.
                                                                                                                              Canadian football players from       Oduwole began his post-second-
                                                                                                                              Canadian Interuniversity Sport       ary football career as a Huskie at
                                                                                                                              and NCAA universities. The skills    St. Mary’s University in Halifax.
                                                                                                                              camp evaluates the 40-yard sprint,   In 2007, Oduwole transferred to
                                                                                                                              broad jump, vertical jump, maxi-     the U of C following head coach
                                                                                                                              mum bench press and a shuttle                         see combine, pg. 20

                                                                                                Chris Pedersen/the Gauntlet

Volleyballer Graham Vigrass (tall) was the Gauntlet’s Extra Effort award winner. Jon Roe Sports
Editor (short) has a tragic disability which prevents him from looking at the camera.
Jon Roe                                  Murdoch, sprinter Amonn Nel-           and basketball point guard Jarred
Sports Editor                            son, wrestler Gen Haley and field      Ogungbemi-Jackson for the Di-
                                         hockey player Carolina Romeo.          nos male rookie of the year award.

          he Dinos celebrated a year        Two-time Hec Crighton winner          The most anticipated award of
          of three national cham-        Erik Glavic was named the top          the evening was presented in the
          pionships and numerous         male athlete.                          middle of the night, strangely.
external awards with their own              In his first season since trans-    Each year the Gauntlet honours
annual awards night Tuesday at           ferring from St. Mary’s, Glavic led    two athletes who have persevered
the Red and White Club. The Ca-          the Dinos the Vanier Cup, where        through adversity and shown ded-
nadian Interuniversity Sport na-         they lost to the Queen’s University    ication to the Dinos with the Ex-
tional championship-winning Di-          Golden Gaels. With him behind          tra Effort Award. The male win-
nos swim team swept the women’s          centre, the Dinos broke or tied        ner was volleyball player Graham
side of the major awards, taking         a pile of offensive records while      Vigrass, who had to sit out 10
both the Dr. Dennis Kadatz award         leading the nation in total offence.   weeks in the middle of the season
for athlete of the year and the Bill        “Given the other guys who were      to recover from mononucleosis.
Popplewell award for rookie of the       up for this award, to win is amaz-     He came back and helped lead the
year, while the Vanier Cup final-        ing and I’m so grateful and appre-     Dinos men’s volleyball team to the
ist football team swept the men’s        ciative,” said Glavic.                 CIS championship and was named
side, with both the athlete and the         He beat out basketball forward      the MVP of the tournament.
rookie of the year winners.              Ross Bekkering, swimmer Jason            The female winner was hockey
   Second-year swimmer Erica             Block, sprinter Sam Effah and          player Sinead Tracy. She broke
Morningstar was the female Ka-           volleyball middle Oleg Podporin        her collarbone twice and was
datz winner. She helped the Dinos        to become the first quarterback to     only able to dress for eight games.
to their second straight national        take the Kadatz home since Dinos       However, she continued to inspire
championship by picking up 200           offensive coordinator Greg Vavra       her teammates and earn the re-
of the Dinos 679 points in To-           in 1984.                               spect of her coaches by being the
ronto.                                      Allison Long, who was named         hardest working team member in
   “It’s really exciting,’’ said Morn-   the rookie of the meet at the na-      the weight room and when she
ingstar. “Our swim team is awe-          tional swim meet, won the Bill         got her icetime.
some. . . . CIS was our goal and to      Popplewell award as Dinos rookie         The awards were presented by
have the team there cheering for         of the year. Basketball player Ta-     Jon Roe Sports Editor, who de-
you elevates the intensity that you      mara Jarrett and volleyball player     spite being unable to stare direct-
have to compete at.’’                    Maura Hayes were also nominat-         ly at the camera was still able to
   Morningstar has yet to lose           ed.                                    muster weird-looking half smiles.
a race at the CIS meet, winning             Linden Gaydosh, who was the         Roe also retained his devilishly
14 gold medals so far in her two         Peter Gorman award winner as           handsome looks in spite of a tie
years of CIS competition.                the top rookie in CIS football, beat   that should have probably been
   She beat out teammate Katy            out swimmer Bogdan Knezevic            retired back in 1976.

                                 Combine, cont’d from pg. 19                                                        NHL experience for
                                                                                                                    Dino, cont’d from
                                                                                                                    pg. 18
                                                                                                                    were a lot of fun. Mike Comrie and
                                                                                                                    [Jason] Strudwick were pretty cool
                                                                                                                    as well.”
                                                                                                                       What makes this story even more
                                                                                                                    unlikely is that Deobald’s name was
                                                                                                                    far from the top of the Oilers list of
                                                                                                                    potential call-ups. The University of
                                                                                                                    Alberta hockey team was on its way
                                                                                                                    to the CIS national championship
                                                                                                                    in Thunder Bay, Ontario, meaning
                                                                                                                    both their goalies were unavailable.
                                                                                                                       Edmonton Oil Kings starting
                                                                                                                    goalie Torrie Jung sat on the bench
                                                                                                                    for the Oilers earlier in the season
                                                                                                                    when Nikolai Khabibulin went
                                                                                               Gauntlet file photo
                                                                                                                    down with an injury, but he was out
                                 Oduwole (#90, sacking) will get a chance with the Blue Bombers.                    of town as well.
                                                                                                                       It turns out Deobald’s first start
                                 Blake Nill. Although nothing is        some pretty impressive numbers              in two years also served as an au-
                                 set in stone yet, Oduwole has the      with the fifth overall fastest shut-        dition for the Oilers. With Dustin
                                 opportunity to compete for a spot      tle and the sixth overall fastest 40        Butler injured and Jeff Weber serv-
                                 on the travelling roster at the Blue   at the evaluation camp. Woodson             ing a suspension, the Dinos called
                                 Bombers main camp in July.             was plagued by a foot injury for            upon Deobald to start his first game
                                    Glavic, a two-time Hec Crigh-       all of the 2009 season but in 2008          in two years at the University of
                                 ton winner as the CIS national         was a Second Team All-Canadian,             Alberta for the first round of the
                                 player of the year, had top results    Canada West All-Star and nomi-              Canada West playoffs. Someone in
                                 within the quarterback specific        nated for Canada West Player of             Edmonton took note of his strong
                                 group, with the highest vertical       the Year.                                   play, and his name was thrown on
                                 jump and farthest broad jump              There are currently six Dinos            the list of potential call-ups for the
                                 amongst his competitors.               alumni playing in the CFL, Agus-            Oilers.
                                    Calgary product Woodson of St.      tin Barrenechea (Hamiton Tiger-                Many kids dream of getting the
                                 Francis High School is attempt-        cats), Tim O’Neill (Calgary Stam-           opportunity to play in the NHL.
                                 ing to follow in the footsteps of      peders), Mark Dewit and James               Though Nathan Deobald gave up
                                 his father, former Calgary Stam-       Green (Toronto Argonauts),                  on that dream years ago, his short
                                 peder and Ottawa Rough Rider           Dylan Steenbergen (Montreal                 lived experience with the Edmon-
                                 linebacker Anthony Woodson.            Alouettes) and recently Oduwole             ton Oilers is one that he will never
                                 The veteran running back put up        (Winnipeg Blue Bombers).                    forget.
entertainment                                                                                                                                                                    GAUNTLET APRIL 08.10 21
                                                                                                                                                                          Editor: Jordyn Marcellus—

Fool For Love opening salvo for Mike Griffin
University of Calgary MFA student’s directorial debut preps him for main stage
Alicia Ward
Gauntlet Entertainment

     ntense and all-consuming desire
     takes to the Taking Flight festival
     stage at the University of Calgary
in Fool For Love. The catch? The lov-
ers are brother and sister. Don’t turn
away just yet. This beautiful story of
passion, complications and sorrow
will captivate and intrigue you.
   “Throughout the play we look at
and examine memory and each char-
acter’s idea of what has happened in
the past. And those ideas of what has
happened in the past are conflicting,”
says director Mike Griffin. “It’s not as
simple as incest. I think that the base
of this play is love and desire.”
   Fool for Love’s emotional intensity
is shown right at the outset. When
the lights come up there is no time                                                                                                                                                                    Chris Pedersen/the gauntlet
to get to know the characters, in-
stead the audience is thrown into          Fool For Love is much more than a play about incest — it’s about making the right choices as an individual, even when they may seem
the thick of an ongoing argument           wrong and break taboos.
between the two lovers.
   “We’re thrown right into the heat       what drove Griffin to the script. Af-        feelings? Getting actors emotionally     been a positive and welcome ex-            With the Claim Your Seat program,
of the play,” notes Griffin. “What’s       ter reading about 28 plays by Love’s         and mentally into the characters was     perience for Griffin. After Fool For       where U of C students get in free
really interesting is there’s this mag-    playwright, Sam Sheperd, Griffin             a challenge for Griffin. For a genuine   Love, he looks to next year when he        with their university identification,
netic push and pull of these two           was drawn to Fool For Love because           performance the ability to not force     will direct the drama department’s         attending U of C shows is easier, and
characters because both of them de-        it was different than the rest.              anything but rather have it come         first main stage show — The Liar by        cheaper, than ever.
sire each other so much . . . but [it’s       “[Sam Sheperd] is very extreme. He        from a natural place is important.       Carlo Goldoni.                                “We find this storybook sense of
not] the right thing for [them].”          links to surrealism, expressionism, a           “One of the things I’ve tried to         “The two plays are incredibly dif-      love and Fool For Love examines
   The play deals with many unusual        lot of those ‘isms’ that really push the     do is try to link the personal ex-       ferent,” laughs Griffin. “Each show        what love is like on a different level.
and impossible relationships, espe-        edges of theatre,” describes Griffin.        periences of my actors as much as        is so unique . . . I’m definitely very     The underbelly of love,” says Griffin.
cially the passion between a brother       “Fool For Love is sort of a mix. It really   possible to what’s going on in the       excited about jumping into my the-         “[To examine how] your view of the
and sister. This story explores fol-       pushes the limits of Sheperd’s realism       play,” Griffin describes.                sis for next year.”                        past really influences who you are,
lowing an individual making the            but his realism is never pure.”                 Griffin is currently working on          For now, Griffin still focuses on       who you are to become and the rela-
right choices and not expecting               Not many of us can relate to loving       his MFA at the U of C. As part of his    “the uniqueness of a loving rela-          tionships that come out of that.”
someone to be something they can-          a sibling romantically or, as Griffin        degree he must create short scenes       tionship” in Fool For Love. Griffin
not. To the audience the relation-         notes, even know what falling in love        from plays throughout the year.          is hoping the play reaches out to a
ship is wrong but to the characters it     feels like. In that case, how does a di-     Having an opportunity to create a        larger audience than just the fine          Fool For Love runs Apr. 13 – 17 in the Reeve Theatre
                                                                                                                                                                              at 7:30 p.m. Tickets are $5 or free with student I.D.
seems right. These uncertainties are       rector get an actor to tap into those        full play instead of just a scene has    arts community and their families.                               at the door.

Runaways doesn’t run from clichés
Jordyn Marcellus                          time to retire those clichés. Even if
Entertainment Editor                      it is 100 per cent accurate, it’s be-
                                          come such a hacky way to show

          utside a few moments of         rock excess that it loses all impact
          rock’n’roll brilliance, noth-   and meaning.
          ing can stop the tidal wave        Ultimately, the story is best
of overwhelming music biopic cli-         charted by perusing a handy biopic
chés that makes watching The Run-         cliché chart — band strikes it big,
aways an eye-rolling chore.               drugs are consumed, records are
   The Joan Jett produced flick is        cut, people are photographed in the
the premiere effort for Canadian          near-buff, sadly the band breaks up
music video veteran/photographer          and boo-hoos are had. Eventually
Floria Sigismondi, whose past work        the two leads meet to make amends,
includes Marilyn Manson’s “The            there’s some semblance of a happy
Beautiful People.” The Runaways is        ending, cue a white text on a black
Sigismondi’s screenplay adaptation        screen explaining what all the film’s
of Runaways lead singer Cherie Cu-        main characters are up to now, roll
                                                                                                                                                                                               couresty E1 Entertainment
rie’s autobiography Neon Angel: A         credits and fin.
Memoir of a Runaway, and it’s a vi-          While the plot is ultimately lack-     Dakota Fanning’s Cherie Curie (right) is completely unlikeable, but redeems herself for one moment.
ciously uninteresting script that has     ing, casting Dakota Fanning as
nearly nothing going for it.              Cherie Curie was a brilliant move.        pan. The at-the-time-of-shooting        moment  comes across as a know-           good. Like nearly every role she’s
   Her music video experience             She’s forced by band manager Kim          15-year-old Fanning struts around       ing meta-commentary on how the            shoe-horned in to, it doesn’t work.
wows with intense, visually sump-         Fowley (a brilliantly manic Michael       the screen in a corset, garters and     music and film industries sexual-         She doesn’t sell it. It’s hard to be-
tuous rock-out sequences that pull        Shannon) to act like a  Bridgette Bar-    stockings as the 17-year-old Cu-        ize teens by allowing the way-too-        lieve her as tough-nosed and she
audiences into the thrilling sight of     dot-inspired beauty. Fowley berates       rie. Fanning undulates and oozes        young Fanning to strut her stuff and      just can’t act outside of wildly mov-
The Runaways. Unfortunately, her          her constantly to make the audi-          sexuality, while Sigismondi’s hyper-    show she’s not just the adorable little   ing her mouth. Any snarl she tries
work with the actors leads to no          ence want her, to need her, to sell her   kinetic camera movement launches        girl we grew up with. It implicates       to make as the badass rocker Joan
investment in any of the characters,      young and firm body to the masses         and accentuates the raw and ready       any viewer who finds Curie’s perfor-      Jett comes across as gum chew-
and coupled with her script, doesn’t      because rock-’n’-roll is all about        sex pouring from her veins. She         mance titillating — remember, this        ing. She doesn’t hold any interest
make viewers care much about any-         sex and that’s what the band needs        has fun with it, perfectly mimick-      is a teenaged girl berated into show-     and even makes the much-buzzed
thing.                                    to break it big. Curie falls into that    ing Curie’s movements — when            ing off her sexuality, tying her self-    about Stewart/Fanning lesbian kiss
   The screenplay feels like a tired      mode, becoming Fowley’s perfect           you realize Fanning’s age and then      worth to her body.  Unfortunately,        yawn-inducing. She doesn’t ruin
effort from Sigismondi. There’s only      little lolita jailbait.                   realize the way her character’s been    this one scene does not make the          the movie, but she doesn’t do any-
so many times rockflicks can show            The most distressing scene, and        manipulated into acting like this, it   movie great. It only makes it intrigu-    thing worth noting.
a hotel room getting trashed or a         easily the best in the entire film,       ends up deeply uncomfortable.           ing, but wholly unsatisfying.
bunch of coke going up some bud-          is a brilliant recreation of a 1977          If the entire movie was like this       As a side note: Kristen Stewart         The Runaways opens wide Fri., April 9. Check out
ding rock engenue’s nose before it’s      Runaways performance in Ja-               scene, it would be great. This one      plays Joan Jett. She really isn’t very  for more info.
                                                                                                                                                        GAUNTLET ENTERTAINMENT APRIL 08.10 23

Choose your own Monster
Super Giant Monster Time includes exciting report filing
Ryan Pike                                                                                                                    be between bizarre extremes, but
Opinions Editor                                                                                                              always funny ones. Sometimes the
                                                                                                                             humour is more low-brow, other

     was a bit daunted when our                                                                                              times it’s more wacky and absurdist.
     Entertainment Editor asked                                                                                                 I chose another path for the of-
     me to review Jeff Burk’s newest                                                                                         fice worker, got transformed into an
book, Super Giant Monster Time.                                                                                              emo scene kid by an alien ray gun
The name itself makes me want                                                                                                and was crushed to death by a giant
to read it, but I wasn’t sure how to                                                                                         carrot. My experiment as the scien-
handle reviewing a choose-your-                                                                                              tist involved a giant robot samurai.
own-adventure book, especially                                                                                                  The strength of Super Giant
one written by such an absurd and                                                                                            Monster Time is Burk’s adventure-
irreverent author as Burk. He’s the                                                                                          centered attitude. Each story path is
guy whose previous epic, Shatner-                                                                                            unique and bizarre, but carries with
quake, featured at least fifteen dif-                                                                                        it a wonderful sense of fun. Individ-
ferent versions of William Shatner                                                                                           ual character choices are uniquely
doing battle with each other. When                                                                                           tailored to that character, but each
I spoke with him last year, he was                                                                                           choice leads to a wonderfully ab-
very excited for Super Giant Mon-                                                                                            surd ending.
ster Time.                                                                                                                      The office worker himself had
   Now I can see why.                                                                                                        one strand of choices that lead to
   The book begins with alien space-                                                                                         six different endings, each a mas-
ships approaching our planet. The                                                                                            terpiece of perverse humour skew-
book allows you to choose a charac-                                                                                          ering a different part of society. Of-
ter — a punk girl, an office worker                                                                                          fice workers do reports. Punks fight
or a scientist — and then choose                                                                                             people in bars. Scientists do wacky
their path through the story. Then                                                                                           things. These choices are more of an
the insanity truly begins.                                                                                                   aside to the “main” story, but each
   I chose the office worker to start.                                                                                       funnels back and allows the reading
My character was at his desk when                                                                                            experience to flow.
a space lobster attacked. After a few                                                                                           Once you get beyond the gim-
choices, I got stuck in a loop. The                                                                                          mick of the book, Super Giant Mon-
office worker worked on TPS re-                                                                                              ster Time is still an expertly-written,
ports, got up for coffee, then went                                                                                          taut thriller. It just happens to have
back for reports, then went back for                                                                                         giant monsters wreaking havoc and
coffee. Go to page 97. Go to page                                                                                            really insane characters and plot
                                                                                                    courtesy Bizarro Press
20. Go to page 161. Go to page 116.                                                                                          twists. For those in the mood for a
Go to page 161. Go to page 20. The       The cover to Super Giant Monster Time homages classic choose                        fun, off-beat reading experience, it
loop was so smoothly written that        your own adventures novels.                                                         might just be Super Giant Monster
I didn’t notice that I was repeating                                                                                         Time.
the same steps for five minutes.         caught in a bar fight and then        got trapped in a sex shop with the
   Damn you, Jeff Burk. You got me.      crushed to death by a gargantuan      city’s bizarre residents. The choices          Super Giant Monster Time is available now. Check
   I tried the punk next, getting        baby. I tried another punk path and   given to the reader seem to always                 out for more info
web                                                                                                                                                             GAUNTLET APRIL 08.10 25

Technobyte: Touchy-Feely Tech
Lucas Holzhaeuer
                                         on a computer is almost as fast as
                                         taking notes with a keyboard for
                                                                              bers into the mix and the computer
                                                                              gets a severe case of confusion.
                                                                                                                       solely touch-screen iPad, are tab-
                                                                                                                       lets and touch screens on the edge
                                                                                                                                                              Technobyte Tip:
                                         me, neither matching my writ-           Using one’s finger instead of a       of being part of our daily tech in-    Cleaning Screens

     bought a slate-style tablet pc      ing speed on paper. I think half     stylus does not necessarily simplify     teractions? To be honest, I’m cu-
     for school last summer in an at-    my conundrum is simply figur-        things. From experience, I can say       rious myself. They are definitely        Do not use Windex or other
     tempt to keep organized notes       ing out what ink colour to use on    for tablets, a stylus is generally the   taking over the smart phone mar-       glass cleaners! Screens are
after my note-taking mess of last        the next section to indicate it is   more effective of the two. This is       ket, but I do not see them coming
year. Similar to Apple’s upcoming        an example. However, my notes        largely due to the stylus’ very accu-    to the desktop market as a major       generally plastic and this can
iPad, it has no keyboard or touch-       are also taken more demurely to      rate point compared to a bulky fin-      phenomenon any time soon. As           destroy them. Clean touch
pad, but instead, users interact di-     preserve quality. That way, they     gertip. The convenience of simply        for laptops, touch sensitive screens
rectly with the screen. Even though      are still readable upon review in    using one’s finger is largely negated    are handy in themselves, but not       screens and monitors by wip-
it was built in 2003, it has roughly     a few months’ time. A frequent       by having to click three times           nearly as handy as when com-           ing with a soft cloth or microfi-
the same specs as a modern day           question in respect to my tablet     to select what you want. This is         bined with a keyboard for serious
netbook, in welcome addition to          is about handwriting recogni-        much more apparent on older              typing. Be prepared to see some        ber. These can be found in any
the same price point being seven         tion. It’s kind of okay. I would     model laptops; newer mod-                interesting concepts as manufac-       computer store; in a pinch, the
years old. To be entirely unambigu-      love to say that I have horrible     els are more sophisticated in            turers try to combine the two in
ous, “Bella,” is a Motion Computing      handwriting (which I do), and it’s   figuring out what you are try-           innovative ways to entice the pub-     ones used to clean glasses
m1400, running Windows 7 after a         way better now than ever (which      ing to do. On smaller devices,           lic towards the burgeoning touch       work just as well.
minor RAM upgrade. She does not          is also true), but short of a mir-   such as smart phones and PDAs, I         revolution.
have touch input, but rather, the        acle, pressing the “Handwriting      can understand the preference of
stylus’ position is detected while off   to text” button will not magically   fingers. Carrying around a stylus
screen, but only “clicks” upon the       make my page of handwritten          for momentary use is awkward and
nib being pushed in, much like a         notes into a clean sheet of text.    the convenience of touch is just too
real pen.                                Individual words and sentences       compelling.
   Taking notes without a keyboard       may work, but throw some num-           With Apple’s introduction of the
comics             GAUNTLET APRIL 08.10 27
                   Editor: Jen Grond—

By Matt McGuigan

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