Questions and Answers
David Osher responds to questions asked from the November 30, 2004, national satellite
program:
What's a parent to do?
Helping Families deal with bullying and children who are out of control
How do you handle situations where the stepparent is doing the bullying? – Webster City,
IA
Bullying places a child at risk of developing or exacerbating emotional and behavioral
problems. It is a form of abuse, and should be treated as such.
What do you do with those that are bullying but aren’t necessarily emotionally disturbed?
– Lacrosse, WI
These children or youth should be provided with counseling that seeks to identify and
address the cause of their problematic behavior. These interventions will be much more
effective when they are nested in (or accompanied by) school-wide interventions that
eliminate the behaviors that reinforce bullying.
What do you do if a family won’t hear that their child is a bully? – Keene, NH
Developing a respectful relationship with the family and understanding their values and
perceptions can help. It is also important to be communicating the nature and rationale
for anti-bullying polices and how bullying places the parent’s child at risk.
Please discuss from a victim’s point of view, how to handle bullying. – Springfield, IL
Bullying needs to be handled in a manner that acknowledges the feelings of the victim,
and does not stigmatize, embarrass, or place at risk or further bullying or harassment, the
victim.
What ideas or coping strategies are there for victims of bullying? – Wirthington, MN
Children can be taught social skills that can help them avoid doing things that could set
the stage for bullying. However, teaching these skills should not be used as an excuse for
not addressing the school-wide and bully-related factors that contribute to bullying.
What can be done for the child that is a victim of bullying when the efforts of the school
aren’t helping? Freepart, IL
Children should not be bullied. Further steps should be taken by the school to address the
bullying and protect the child.
What is the most important lesson your kids have taught you about bullying? – NH
That it hurts.
Do students who bully get this behavior from home or is it something they have just
happened to pick up? – Jefferson, IA
Bullying is socially learned and socially reinforced. It can be learned at home, in the
community, and at school. No matter what the origin, school bullying is reinforced at
school.
How do I stop bystanders/friends who egg-on the bullying?
Effective school bullying programs always address the role of bystanders. If you are
outside of schools you could respectfully explain to people the role that bystanders play
in preventing, reinforcing, or even egging-on bullying.
How can I stop children from bullying when I see their parents are bullying other
parents?
One of the reasons it is important to teach social and emotional skills in schools is that we
cannot assume that children come to school with those skills. In addition, schools can
prevent bullying by better monitoring as well as by addressing values and peer behavior
that support or reinforce bullying.
How do you get bullying to stop and not just pass it down the line?
By school-wide programs that involve universal training and support for all members of
the school community accompanied by activities that address the victim and bullying.
Do you think that bullying circles work? – Eau Clare, WI
What do you think about the program Bully Proofing your School? – Pontiac, MI
My criteria for selecting evidenced based programs involve data on the fit between
programs, types of problems, students, and contexts. This is elaborated upon in Safe,
Supportive, and Successful Schools Step by Step. Bullying Proofing is a program that has
the right types of components and has produced some evidence. (It is comprehensive,
involves staff problem soling and student skill development through a curriculum, role-
playing and discussion as well as by addressing anger control and empathy.) A program,
which, has produced more evidence, is Olweus Bully Prevention Program, which I
described during the event.
How does increasing mental illness tie into bullying? – Newport, NH
While most people with mental illness do not bully, bullying can be related to sadness,
anxiety, depression as well as to psychological maladjustment and social information
processing problems.
Please clarify the connection between bullying and selecting family driven services. –
New Brunswick, NJ
Some bullies and some victims may require family based services or services that require
the support of families (e.g., special education services). Family driven approaches
ensure greater family buy-in and involvement.
Biting
I have 2-3 year old children biting. Why do they do this and should I be concerned?
Should parents be concerned when their child is biting other children in his daycare on a
daily basis? – Eau Clare, WI
What can be done for a child who is biting? Laconia, NH
Dealing with Parents
Could you give effective ways to approach school staff and parents without coming off as
overpowering or pushy? – Eau Clare, WI
Joyce Epstein has developed a widely used approach to assess and address their attitudes
towards each other. The website for her center is
http://www.csos.jhu.edu/p2000/center.htm . The Federation of Families for Children’s
Mental Health has produced materials that can help in this process (www.ffcmh.org)
There is a good descriptiion of this process in one school district which can be found at:
What do you do when parent’s perception and the school’s perception of the child’s
behavior are not in agreement? How do you get family members involved without
feeling blamed or not heard? – Worthington, MN
Often times it takes time and/or outreach to establish an effective relationship with
families. However, if schools and professionals are relentless in their efforts to reach
families and employ family-driven approaches it can be done. There is a useful
description of this process in a book I co-authored Wraparound: Stories from the Field,
which is available for free at: www.cecp.air.org
How do you handle a parent who feels his/her child’s behavior is not his/her problem
because he/she has never seen it or chooses to ignore it? – Manchester, IA
This can best be done if the professional has a respectful relationship with the parent
and/or the school has a policy that addresses bullying. If this is the case, it is easier to
present the parent with information about the child’s behavior. If this is the case it is
easier to explain to parents what behavior is expected and than to describe how their
child’s behavior varies from that expectation.
What should a parent or other concerned adult do when they have tried to help a child but
services don’t come through? – Manchester, IA
There is an extensive literature on the importance of services and early intervention,
which could be brought to the attention of the school system, pointing to the costs to the
child and to the school of not providing appropriate services. (See for example, Early
Warning, Timely Response: A Guide to Safe Schools and Safeguarding Our Children: An
Action Guide.) In addition, it would see if the child is eligible for services under the
IDEA. If the child is eligible for services under the IDEA, there is a due process
procedure. In each state there is a Parent Training and Information Center that can help
with this process. Most states also have a local chapter of the Federation of Families for
Children’s Mental Health, which can help in the advocacy process.
What should a teacher do when a parent is not responsible or supportive when informed
that their child is behaving inappropriately? – Lacey, WA
First, there are many things that schools can do to prevent bullying that do not require
parental support. However, parental support is important and can often be gotten in
schools and professionals are persistent and respectful in their attempts to reach out to
parents. As noted in an earlier question, there is a useful description of this process in a
book I co-authored Wraparound: Stories from the Field, which is available for free at:
www.cecp.air.org
How can you work with reluctant parents? – West Bend, WI
What do you do with parents that don’t realize they are the problem in their child’s bad
behavior? – New York City, NY
If it is bullying, and it is occurring in the school there is probably more factors that are
important than the parents alone. While the parents may be a problem, there are things
that the school can do. Further, if there is a school policy in place, it will be easier to
communicate with the parents about the issue. This will be enhanced by understanding
the family’s goals and values, and demonstrating respect for the families, and a sense of
the child that, while not ignoring the problem, is more than her or his problems.
What should a teacher do when his or her views of a child’s behavior differs from a
parent’s? – Lacey, WA
How do you deal with parents that aren’t involved and they have no school funding? –
Keene, NH
How do you deal with parents that don’t want your help? – Jefferson, IA
If the child is bullying, then an effective school wide approach may address bullying
even if the parent is reluctant or not involved. However, parental involvement is always
helpful, and the more the teacher or school representative is able to demonstrate to the
family respect and empathy, and the more the teacher understands the goals of the family
and the pressures that it faces, the more likely it is that they can communicate with the
family. In addition, it is important to remember that the best solution is to have practices
in place that engage parents positively before problems emerge. Programs like FAST
provide models of how schools can reach out to families.
What do you do when the family has issues such as running from abuse, and the child is a
major behavioral problem? – Ames, IA
If the child is being abused, there are state policies that mandate what schools must do.
In addition there are a variety of intensive individualized home-based services and
supports that can assist families in addressing intensive problems. Wraparound, when
done well, is a good example. See, Wraparound: Stories From the Field at www.
cecp.air.org .
School
If fights occur often just off a high school campus, how do you deal with this?
Safe schools develop collaborations with the police and community agencies and
organizations, which can help them deal with violence that takes place outside of the
school (See Safeguarding Our Children: An Action Guide and Safe and Supportive
Schools Step by Step.) These collaborations can be institutionalized in memoranda of
agreements (MOAs) as well as in school and community safety plans. While other
agencies may be involved, schools should look at the relationship of the violence to
school factors (e.g., spill over of school-related conflicts).
What is your sense of the effectiveness of school programs that use a positive rewards
approach? – Ames. IA
Positive rewards can be part of an effective system of positive behavioral supports, which
can help students manage or learn to manage their behavior. Like every strategy these
should be employed strategically, and their impacts monitored.
Do you think that the “No Child Left Behind Act” has helped or hindered children with
behavioral problems at school? – Rochester, NY
How does the requirements for more testing in schools impact the behavior of children at
risk? – NH
The law itself does not have a negative intent, and even supports some positive initiatives
aimed at ensuring that all students have access to high quality education. However,
implementation of the law has placed many of these students at risk. This is due to the
pressure placed on staff and students by t4est, the unnecessary displacement of resources
away from student support, the use of grade retention, and the decision of some schools
to suspend students in an attempt to enforce academic discipline.
What can a person do when they have a building administrator who feels fighting is just
something that young boys do? – Manchester, IA
Educate him about the short and long term consequences of fighting. You may want to
show the administrator an article I wrote on school warning signs. in the Winter 2004
issue of the Journal of School Violence (Osher, D., VanAker, R., Morrison, G., Gable, R.,
Dwyer, K., & Quinn, M, “Warning Signs of Problems in Schools: Ecological
Perspectives and Effective Practices for Combating School Aggression and Violence”).
Some students with behavioral needs are able to connect well with adults and not with
their peers. How important is it that they connect with their peers, and how do we help
children do so? – Lincoln, NE
Connection with pro-social peers is important. Schools can support this by employing
strategies and programs that promote school community. They can also do so by
teaching social and emotional skills. An example of an effective program, which builds
school community, is the Child Development Project, which is described in Safe,
Supportive, and Successful Schools Step by Step.
What are your thoughts on educating the teachers and parents first, before the children? –
Wauseon, OH
It is important for teachers and parents to model and reinforce appropriate behaviors, and
it is useful for them to agree on what they are. I have seen the The Child Development
Program do just that. I have also schools use ACHIEVE to do the same and have
described it in Safe, Drug Free and Successful Schools: What Works! which can be found
at www.cecp.air.org ..
What are some strategies for involving schools in dialog? – Newport, NH
Focusing on the relationship between school safety, academic achievement, and student
support is a helpful way to go. Safe, Supportive, and Successful Schools Step by Step has
a chapter on that process. It also includes a video which includes three successful schools.
People have used it to start a school dialogue. Another useful tool is the Learning First
Alliance’s Every Child Learning: Safe and Supportive Schools
What do you do if a school/community seems resistant, or too over-extended to be pro-
active? – Newport, NH
I would use the materials described in the response to the previous question. I would also
organize concerned parents and arm them with information about the harmful effects of
bullying and the fact that it can be prevented.
What alternatives are there to in-school suspension or office
detention? – Williamstown, VT All students have a right to learn. However, schools
that employ the three level approach are able to use teacher time more efficiently.
When talking about teachers getting more involved in recognizing problems in children,
does it take away from students without difficult issues when teachers spend more energy
on kids with significant problems? How do we reconcile this? – Grayling, MI
Prevention is the best solution. It involves providing students with the support they need
through connection, positive behavioral supports, teaching social and emotional skills,
and providing engaging instruction. Services should be provided at 3 levels, universal for
all students, early intervention for some, and individualized intensive intervention for a
few. Teachers in these schools are able to use their time more efficiently. See Safe, Drug
Free and Effective Schools: What Works! at www.cecp.air.org .
How can parents or parent groups effectively work with schools? – Cortland, NY
The draft definition of family driven suggests some ways. The key is to understand the
needs and goals of schools as well as the pressure they face, and develop win- win
approaches. We described this somewhat in Woodruff, D. W., Osher, D., Hoffman, C. C.,
Gruner, A., King, M., Snow, S. & McIntire, J. C. (1999). The role of education in a system of
care: Effectively serving children with emotional or behavioral disorders. Which can be found
at www.cecp.air.org
Could placing the problem children together be real solution if the environment is safe
and supportive? – Williamstown, VT
We don’t know. However, if you have a safe, supportive environment you should not
need to segregate the students. See Safe, Drug Free and Effective Schools: What Works!
at www.cecp.air.org
As an after school program we are sometimes limited with information regarding needs
of the parents. How do we, or can we, effectively support families with children who are
"at risk"? – Ithaca, NY
An article which describes approaches and strategies is Osher, T. W., & Osher, D. (2002).
The Paradigm Shift to True Collaboration With Families. Journal of Child and Family
Studies, 11:1, 47-60.
What about specific interventions in middle schools and high schools?
There are briefs on evidence-based practices in the appendices to Safe, Supportive, and
Successful Schools Step by Step.
Health Related Questions
My son is on a variety of medications. The ADD/ADHD medications made his
preserving issues worse and the Prozac made him sleepy. What else would you suggest?
– Eagle River, WI
That is a question for a good child psychiatrist.
What role would health plans of HMO’s play in school health programs? – St. Paul, MN
Health is key to academic success. Students with behavioral problems often have health
problems. Health plans can be integrated into a school-wide teams plans. See Supportive,
and Successful Schools Step by Step
What is the relationship between youth with behavioral problems and substance
use/abuse? – Newport, NH
There is a great co-occurrence between mental health and substance abuse problems. This
co-occurrence should be treated together. See the Federation of Families For Children’s
Mental Health’s Blamed and Ashamed. Safe and Sound. Students with emotional
problems often self-medicate. Those that don’t have a substance abuse problem are at
great risk for developing one and should receive preventive interventions.
Should I be concerned with a 3 year old that exhibits antisocial behavior and comes from
a family with a history of depression? – Seward, NE
Yes
How can a high school teacher best help a suicidal student? – Andover, MN
If the student is suicidal he or she needs mental health support from a trained mental
health professional.
What do you do for a child who degrades himself when things go wrong? He says he is
stupid and everyone hates him. – West Point, NE
There are a variety of potential causes, and these should be assessed.
Has there been an increase in psychiatric diagnosis in school age children? If so, what is
the percentage of the increase and what would you say are the reasons for the same? –
NY
The are no reliable trend data. However, due to an increase in poverty and a breakdown
of the social safety net, more children are placed at risk of psychiatric problems.
What is the research on the causal relationship of psychiatric diagnosis and "screen"
exposure? – NY
?
Teaching Children
How do you talk to a child about the proper ways to make friends? – Webster City, IA
What are some suggestions for ways to teach a toddler empathy? – Belvedere, IL
How can you begin to intervene with children in early childhood/preschool? – West
Bend, WI
There are many good programs described in Safe and Sound: An Educators Guide to
Socia and Emotional Learning Programs at www.CASEL.org .
Can you give some examples of helping a child to self regulate? – Mauston, WI
The stop and think program shown on the video is a good example of self regulation.
You did not mention engaging the children in the plan, such as peer mediation and such.
Do you feel this is important? – Dick, CO
Engaging students is important and peer mediation can be useful—but not for bullying.
Please give us some ideas for dealing with a young child who has trouble processing the
information that you give him about inappropriate or unacceptable behavior. The child
"just doesn't get it" and will continually repeat that inappropriate action (usually
physical). – PA
There are good procedures described for this in Addressing Student Problem Behavior
which is available at www.cecp.air.org .
General Questions
What should home registered care providers focus on? – Creston, IA
What is federation of families? – Rochester, NY
The Federation of Families for Children’s Mental Health. The name of the New York
State Chapter is Families Together
In regards to possible causes of the increased percentage of children experiencing
behavioral problems where would you place FAS/FAE? – Traverte City, MI
FAS/FAE is a contributing factor..
Why is there an increase in girls being mean to each other in 2nd -3rd grade in affluent
communities? – Pontiac, MI
Deborah Prothrow Sith suggests that violence is like a medical epidemic that starts with
the most vulnerable populations and then spreads to others.
What are some community interventions not focused on home and school? – Seward, NE
Creating a capacity in after school programs to serve children with learning and
behavioral differences. Community approaches to drug and alcohol prevention.
Are behavior problems in children as prevalent in Europe where parents work shorter
hours? – East Moline, IL
I have not seen sufficient data to answer this. However, the rate of youth violence in the
US. Is much higher than that in any European nation.
Does the ffcmh.org website have a list of “Latino” resources or references to those
resources in states to be able to refer clients and other professionals to them? – Council
Bluffs, IA
There are some materials translated into Spanish on www.tapartnership.org and
www.cecp.air.org
Does a school have the authority to force the family to receive help such as mental heath,
when there are possible problems in the home environment? - Wauseon, OH
No. However, family driven approaches are important so that schools can harness the
support of families.
Has the presenter done any research in middle schools and in high schools?
Yes
What is the percentage of behavior problem, ADHD, caused by F.A.H.? - Wenatchee,
WA
I have not seen good data on this.
Is there a website available for more information on the program mentioned on the
videotape (social skills program Stop & Think Steps)? – West Bend, MI
Go to www.samhsa.gov and go to their model programs list. Also go to the online
conference that is on the website of www.cecp.air.org
Please give examples of how adults can build protective features in youth and examples
of effective ways to address risk factors. Are you referring the assets from Search
Institute when you talk about asset development – if not, which ones are you referring to?
– Grayling, MI
The Search Institute’s Approach to Developmental Assets is one example. Another
example is the work of the Hawkins and Catalano at the University of Washington. For
Descriptions of a variety of programs go to the online conference that is on the front page
of www.cecp.air.org .