Washington Nationals/Baltimore Orioles
Tale of the Tape
Category Nationals Orioles
Best Team Moment Opening Day at RFK, Spring Cal becomes baseball Icon with
2006 Iron Man streak
Worst Team Moment SB Alfonso Soriano refuses to Jeffrey Maier catching what
go out in the field and play LF would have been an out in 1996
ALCS. Hon. Mention: Roberto
Alomar spitting on umpire.
Best Free Agent Signing Still waiting for it Still waiting for it
Worst Free Agent Christian Guzman Take your pick, but we’ll go with
Signing Albert Belle
City Highlight Smithsonian Inner Harbor
City Lowlife Politicians Drug dealers
Homicide Rate for ‘08 Still counting 41
View from the Stadium Parking lot Warehouse
Best promotion Halfway to St. Patrick’s Day Chick Fil-A Plush Cow night
Green hat giveaway
Promotion we’d like to Manny Acta for President “Give the owner a piece of your
see fleece throw mind” day
Most annoying Charlie Slowes, and it ain’t Joe Angel: Why does it take him
broadcaster even close. His “bang, zoom” 10 minutes to give a station
trademark is the most break? He prolongs it like he’s
annoying thing since Arsenio dangling a carrot but nobody’s
Hall’s “whoomp, whoomp” biting.
Likely stadium name Verizon Stadium II Under Armor Stadium
Steroid Posterboy Paul LaDuca Jay Gibbons
How in the hell did this Odalis Perez: Mr. 5.0 ERA Danny Baez: The only thing that
guy make the opening finds another team to stink up. saved his ERA from hitting 7 last
day roster? His last strike-out was year was his sterling month of
recorded during the Carter April. Watching him pitch is like
Administration. watching a blind man drive down
95 in rush hour.
Pitcher most likely to Matt Chico: Was decent as a Jeremie Guthrie: Had a
lose 20 games rook but will get rocked in a sensational rook season, but is
full season. now being thrown to the wolves
as a No. 1 starter. Prepare to
First player to hit the IR Willy Pena: has missed at least Ramon Hernandez: Has missed
50 games 4 years running. at least 50 games 3 of last 4 years.
Won’t take long for his legs to His knees are like spaghetti at
succumb to the new turf. this point.
Biggest lineup head Lastings Milledge: youngster Kevin Millar hitting cleanup?
scratcher can run, but has trouble He’s hit over 20 homeruns just
locating fly balls – kind of once in his career. Struck out
important in the outfield. Also nearly 100 times last year.
will try hard to stay above
Mendoza line this year.
Player to be sent down to Christian Guzman: Hit under Gibbons: A long time coming,
minors and never make .250 previous two years he was but Carrot Top’s steroid-using
it back healthy, and accumulates brother is finished. He’s never hit
more errors than a over .280, has 55 homers the past
Washington Times Editor. 4 years combined, and averages
Hon Men: Elijah Dukes: Even over 70 strikeouts per season. His
the Isrealites can’t save Elijah glove, by the way, has more holes
from the minors if he doesn’t in it than the Ozone Layer.
get his average over .200.
He’s still alive? Ray King: Joins his sixth team Chad Bradford: Since 2001, “the
since being called up in ’99. Chad” has recorded just one
King is the textbook “spot season ERA under 3.00. Was
duty” reliever. Should be actually the O’s best reliever last
helpful against the NL year, which says a lot about the
Central, where he’s played for team’s atrocious pitching.
half the teams.
Combined blown saves 26 32
of relief pitchers
Player fans will appeal to Ryan Zimmerman is still the Nick Markakis once Brian
face of the franchise. Goes all Roberts gets traded. Markakis is
out and swings for the fences. a 5-tool player with a decent bat.
What will give coach Pitching: starters look more Pitching: Daniel Cabrera will
most heartburn like a used pitcher lot. dazzle one night, then spend the
rest of the month tossing wild
Record after April 13-15 14-15
Record at season’s end 79-83 71-91