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Pregnant!
6
How do you know that you are pregnant? Some women swear that they feel some-
thing—an emotional or physical sign—that tells them almost immediately that
conception has occurred. Others are oblivious until they throw up a few times or
have missed a period or two. For most, the first signs are sore breasts and a late
period, followed by some queasiness.
With all of my pregnancies, I knew right away. It sounds bizarre, but the
next morning I would tell my husband we were pregnant—each time I was
right (this happened four times as I had two losses). The only way I can
describe it was that I had this “feeling” that something was going on in my
uterus—like a flurry of activity. (Sandy B., social worker)
We tried the first month, and I didn’t get pregnant. So I started reading
about it, and I went out and bought a basal thermometer and a chart and
started tracking my temperature. My temperature went up and didn’t go
back down. I was really frustrated with tracking it because it just wouldn’t
go back down. It turned out I was pregnant. (Heidi R., law professor)
We had five unsuccessful intrauterine inseminations. It was horrible, month
after month, dealing with the disappointment. We eventually decided
to adopt, and on the same day of the second meeting with the adoption
counselor, I discovered I was pregnant, no drugs or anything. ( Jane J.,
advertising executive)
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Pregnancy Testing
As mentioned earlier, home pregnancy tests measure the hormone human
chorionic gonadotropin, or hCG, which is made by the early embryo after im-
52 plantation and which circulates in the bloodstream until it is excreted in the
Adapting urine. Blood pregnancy testing usually isn’t necessary; under most circum-
to Change stances a home urine test should be all you need.
I was very tired, and my boobs got enormous so I knew something wasn’t
right. I had a pretty good feeling that I was pregnant, so I peed on the
stick, handed it to my husband (boyfriend at the time), and ran out of the
bathroom. He came out and looked at me and said, “I think we’re having
a baby . . . the stick had two lines on it before you even got out of the
bathroom.” (Stephanie B., FedEx courier)
I took a home pregnancy test, and it was positive, but I didn’t believe it, so I
took another one. ( This is not necessary, if you’ve got the hCG in your urine,
you’re pregnant.) Of course I was happy, but I also had the feeling of uh-oh,
there’s no turning back now! (Peggy L., nurse-administrator)
With my first baby, I was in graduate school, so I went to the student
health center. Usually people coming to a student health center asking
for a pregnancy test are undergrads who made a mistake and are very
worried. The nurse sat me down and said, “Dear, it’s positive.” She was very
concerned and sympathetic. I remember cracking up. I said, “Oh, that’s
great, my husband will be thrilled.” (Heidi R., law professor)
Neither pregnancy was planned. We were in the kitchen one day and I fixed
myself an ice cream bar and a pickle. He looked at me and said, are you ok?
And I thought, yeah, this is weird, but I want it. So while we were out, I said
let’s stop at this Walgreen’s and get a pregnancy test. That’s how we found
out. (Uwimana W., real estate assistant)
How long do you have to wait to run a home pregnancy test? Urine pregnancy
tests are most precise if they are done a week after the period was due. You may
see the advertisement stating that their test is “99 percent accurate” even before
the missed period, but this is misleading. Accurate for the purpose of advertis-
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ing only means that it gives the same results as other available pregnancy tests.
Some pregnancies don’t start producing measurable amounts of hCG until after
the period is late. Conversely, some cycles that are not going to lead to pregnancy
can produce small amounts of hCG until a day or two after the period is due.
This phenomenon is sometimes called a “chemical pregnancy.” Because of these 53
two realities, pregnancy tests can be falsely negative or falsely positive if done Pregnant!
too early, leading to unnecessary discouragement and frustration. Unless there
is a medical reason to find out extremely early, it is better to force yourself to wait
until a full week after you expected your period.
My first urine pregnancy test at the doctor’s office was negative but I
knew I was pregnant. A few days later it was positive. (Kathy H., software
developer)
At the store, the pregnancy test aisle is full of different kits. How do you
choose? All home pregnancy tests are easy to use. Three of the kits tested by Con-
sumer Reports, “First Response,” “Answer Quick & Simple,” and “ClearBlue Easy,”
produced result lines that were darker than others, making them the easiest to
read. Consumer Reports also found that if you waited for ten minutes before read-
ing the result (instead of the recommended one to five minutes), tests turned
positive a few days earlier in pregnancy, when the hCG levels were too low to
detect with standard testing procedure. Don’t wait longer than ten minutes
though: after ten minutes some negative tests start to look faintly positive. (For
a charming cautionary tale, check out www.peeonastick.com.) Consumer Reports
found that even the most ultra-sensitive kit would yield falsely negative results
for one in four pregnant women if used before the first missed period. If your
home pregnancy test is negative and you still think you might be pregnant, test
again in a week—you may be pleasantly surprised.
I was a few days late, so I decided to take a pregnancy test. I’d had a few
negative results in the prior two months, so I bought an inexpensive test
at the pharmacy. It turned positive almost instantaneously. I made Brad
go back and buy a more expensive test just to be sure. Wouldn’t you know,
positive again. ( Jen R., fashion merchandiser)
A few days before I was supposed to start my period I bought a home
pregnancy test. I came home and peed on the stick and a very slight second
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pink line appeared. I compared it to the unused test in the box and decided
there was definitely a slight line, but still didn’t know if it was positive. Ben
came home and I told him that I thought I was pregnant and showed him
the test, but we still didn’t know for sure. So the next morning I took the
54 other test. The line was not any darker. I remember in the past laughing at
Adapting some of the commercials that advertised an easy-to-read test and thought to
to Change myself, how hard can it be to tell if there is a line or not? Well, now I knew.
I didn’t take any more tests, but my period didn’t come in a few days so I
made an OB appointment and it was confirmed for me. (Christi M., medical
student)
Emotions
As your pregnancy test turns positive, your mind will probably start to race.
You may not quite believe it. Whether pregnancy is long-planned or a surprise,
many parents-to-be describe a jumble of emotions: excitement, disbelief, joy,
apprehension, fear, and a sense of the importance of this moment. It is normal
to have mixed negative and positive feelings—after all, you are getting on a train
that is already in motion and will take you places both wonderful and a little
scary. It will probably be a while before reality sinks in. Meanwhile, be sure to
take good care of yourself and your baby-to-be. Avoid risky exposures, take your
folic acid (or multivitamin), and listen to your body.
Since I wasn’t planning for pregnancy and I am not married, I was half
excited and half nervous. It was just a shock. (Annette M., store manager)
On the evening of the day I received the good news, I sent him to the grocery
store with a list. Of the ten or so items listed, number three was “Pampers.”
He always goes over the list before he leaves to make sure he has it right. He
looked at “Pampers” and started laughing. He figured it out immediately
and couldn’t stop grinning the entire evening. ( Val P., administrative
coordinator)
We told our parents at about ten weeks. We asked them not to tell anyone
else. Well, this did not work. They told everyone they knew. (Christi M.,
medical student)
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I was feeling very poorly. Tired, washed-out, nauseated, and thought I
had an ulcer. I contacted my doctor for an appointment. One of his first
questions was, “Could you be pregnant?” He said we should test just to
be sure. They had left a message for me to call and like an idiot I called
right from my desk in the middle of an office of about five other people. 55
The nurse came on the line and promptly informed me I was pregnant. Pregnant!
I was dumbfounded, shocked, terrified, and almost sick to my stomach
within seconds. It didn’t take long before everyone in the office knew I was
pregnant. I had to hurry home and tell my husband before someone else did.
(Becky G., administrator)
Keeping It Secret
Is now the time to tell your boss, your co-workers, and the mail carrier that
you are going to have a baby? Most women don’t want to disclose that they are
pregnant this early on. As much as you may want to shout the good news from
the rooftops, be thoughtful about whom you tell about your pregnancy. Alterna-
tively, close friends and family who would be involved if the pregnancy ran into
trouble might as well get the chance to share your excitement whenever the mo-
ment seems right.
I couldn’t hide my pregnancy because I was so ill. I told people at five weeks.
( Zenia M., nurse’s aide)
I told people at work I was pregnant at three months, but really I could
have/should have waited longer—until I started showing. Once I told
people, they were very interested and, I would say, a bit nosy. My boss, who
did not have any kids yet, was especially interested in my pregnancy, doctor
appointments, and test results. ( Tamika S., web content producer)
I had planned on waiting the full three months to tell them, but before the
end of the first trimester, I had bleeding and had to leave work. There was no
inconspicuous way of leaving, so I ended up telling a department manager
and district manager because they were there. Everyone was really good
about keeping it quiet at first. I didn’t want to share it at first since there
was such a chance I would miscarry. ( Zoe B., inventory manager)
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When Is the Baby Due?
There are many ways to determine your baby’s due date. If you want to
calculate it yourself, subtract three months and add seven days to the first day of
56 your last period. If your last period began October 8, for instance, your due date
Adapting would be July 15. This method assumes regular twenty-eight-day cycles, with
to Change conception on day 14. Numerous websites also provide due date calculators, or
you can add 266 days to your date of conception, if you know it. Your practitioner
will determine your official due date based on whichever parameters are believed
to be most accurate: the first day of your last period, your presumed date of con-
ception, and/or the results of ultrasound measurements.
So when will this baby arrive? Only about 5 percent of people deliver on their
actual due dates, although a substantial 85 percent give birth sometime between
two weeks before and two weeks after. You may be better off focusing on a “due
month” so you don’t get too attached to just one day. This way, if you are among
the 40 percent of moms who go past their due dates, maybe it won’t drive you
quite as crazy.
how due daTeS are calculaTed
Although it can be a bit confusing, to figure out a due date most obstetricians
count forty weeks from the first day of the last period, which means that, on
average, they begin counting two weeks before you even conceived. This tradi-
tion predates ultrasounds and ovulation detection, when all doctors and mid-
wives had to go on was the date of the last period. So don’t be surprised if your
practitioner tells you that you are eight weeks pregnant and you know you only
conceived six weeks ago—that is just how gestational age is calculated. Ultra-
sound results are adjusted to this method, too, so if your sonogram says the
embryo is eight weeks in size, it means you are six weeks after conception.
Much of the confusion occurs when a pregnant mom wants to figure out which
month of pregnancy she is in. How can it be that a pregnancy is forty weeks, and
there are about four weeks in a month, yet pregnancy is said to last nine months?
You have to remember that a month is more like four and a half weeks. The easi-
est way to figure out which “month” you are in is to count backward from your
due date—for example, if you are due July 15, that will be nine months, then you
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will have completed eight months on June 15, seven months on May 15, and so
on. Traditionally you only get “credit” for time after it has passed, just like your
baby will be one year old only after the first birthday. That means you are nine
months pregnant on your due date, and “in your ninth month” during the previ-
ous thirty days. 57
Pregnant!
A New Identity
Pregnancy often transforms how you see yourself. It’s a new responsibility
that can’t be delegated. During these nine months, your body—and mindset—
will change in ways you can’t ignore. How will you manage the dual roles of
pregnant mom and working woman? In the coming chapters, I offer some advice
about how to deal with your pregnancy in the context of your busy, complex life.
But first, let’s think a little more about your little one.