GRIEF Grief is the term used to describe the feelings
we may have after suffering a loss. It is
Loss can come into our lives in lots of ways,
and it affects each of us differently. One of the
natural to feel overwhelmed with emotions like biggest and most difficult losses is the death of
AND pain, anger and sadness. Sometimes you can
even feel numb. Here is a short list of the
someone really important to you. This can be
a loved one, a friend, a partner or a pet. Other
feelings that can be those of grief – forms of loss can include
LOSS • Denial • Questions, • Parents or other important people splitting up
• Shock questions, questions or getting divorced
• Disbelief • Anxiety • Separation from a parent, both parents and
• Crying and Sobbing • Anger your family
(sometimes • Cannot get it • Separation from friends or your community
uncontrollably) together • Moving away from home or leaving your
country
There are also some physical symptoms like • Splitting up with your partner
headaches, feeling sick in the stomach, aching • Being forced to give up something you want to
muscles, feeling run down, trouble sleeping, keep (like your job, your child, or your home)
feeling tired, having no energy. Sometimes • Losing your job
• Leaving school or university
you may become sick more easily.
• Losing the ability to do some things through
disability.
These feelings can happen at any time and for • Becoming really sick or seeing someone else
any length of time. You might have more than become really sick
one at once. You might feel really good one
day and awful the next. You may return to a Even when something happens that appears
feeling and go through it again. Sometimes it positive, such as leaving school and starting
can feel worse in the morning, or as you are work, we can experience some feelings of
about to go to sleep. Sometimes you might grief for what we've left behind. When we
wonder if you will ever feel 'normal' again. have a loss in our life, we go through reactions
Josephine Luna of grief. These reactions and feelings are
Professional Counsellor/Therapist You will - gradually feel the pain is with you different for everyone. You always feel loss in
less often and life finds a new sense of your own unique way.
meaning. If you find you are ‘stuck’ in one of
these feelings and not gradually moving on
It is not usually a good idea to make major life
‘Helping To Restore Balance’
over time, it would be a good idea to talk to a
professional counsellor about it. changing decisions in the first few months after a loss.
It is often better to wait until your life is back in
Mobile: 0412 263 088 Telephone: (02) 9824 7865
balance again.
Email: restorebalance@optusnet.com.au It is important to know that there is no time Remember that others around you may be feeling
Web: www.restorebalance.com.au limit to your grief.
ABN: 52 700 873 796 grief too.
You may be able to help them.
TIPS TO HELP you share them with children or others? • Be aware - it is natural to become more
What place might these skills, attributes, dependent on others immediately after a
• Accept your own feelings – stories or knowledge hold in your future? loss. It is not useful to keep this going
understand that what you are feeling is for a long time. Keep an eye out for
• Support - support is essential. Talk to a signs that indicate that you are not
natural. Let yourself cry, talk about the friend, family or someone you trust.
loss, or have a laugh. Check out the gradually feeling better. Give yourself a
Sometimes it might feel people 'don't pat on the back when you do things for
stages of grief. Let yourself feel what understand' or 'get sick of your grieving'.
you are feeling. The feeling will pass in yourself.
It can be useful to check out a counsellor
your own time. or have a network of supports in your • Reward yourself - be kind to yourself.
• Express your feelings – talk to life. Do things you like doing. Treat yourself
someone you trust. Write a letter, poetry to things that make you happy. When
• Have a laugh - your sense of humour you feel ready, do something to help
or a journal. Paint, draw or sing. can be a great tool at any hard time. It is
Express what you are feeling - your fear, someone else. Soak up the enjoyment
OK to laugh at things you would usually as much as you can!
your hurt and your loss. Talk about what laugh at. Advantages of laughter are
you have gained by knowing the person that they give you just a little break from • Write down the things you have learnt
or having the experience you have had. the pain and release healthy, healing What have you noticed about yourself in
Talk about the good and not so good chemicals into your body. this time?
times. What have you found hardest?
• Celebrate your memory - plant
• Ceremonies – funerals, ceremonies or How did you over-come the hard things?
something as a living memorial. Carry or What did you find easiest?
memorials can be important. They are wear something that reminds you of the
opportunities to share your grief with What does this tell you about yourself?
person who died or the thing you have What have you learnt about your life?
other people, or help accept the end of a lost. Create a memory book or journal
part of your life. This is an ending of one What beliefs have you gained, let go of
with photos, stories, pictures or poems. or are new to you?
phase in your life and the beginning of a Put up a photo or something else that
new one. Maybe you could do How might you use this knowledge in
reminds you of that person. Spend time your future?
something special with friends and at a place or doing things that you used
family, like have a remembrance meal. to do. If you write it down, you will see how you
are gradually feeling better.
• Take each step at a time - live each • Explore your spirituality - pray,
day as it comes. Understand and accept meditate or spend some time with
disruption in your life. Take control of nature. Use your own personal
things you can. Understand there are spirituality to explore what death or loss
things you have little or no control over. means to you and your spiritual self.
Give yourself permission to grieve.
• Change - be open to new ways of doing
• Move forward - what have you learnt things. When it feels right, start
from that person, place or experience? something new. Don't feel guilty about
What memories do you have? How this, it is part of healing and you will
have they become part of your life? How never lose what your relationship with Acknowledgements:
might you carry these on? How might the person you have lost has given you. Children, Youth and Women’s Health Service