Richmond Virginia Kaitlyn drove down the tree lined

Chapter 1- Richmond, Virginia







Kaitlyn drove down the tree lined road feeling a wisp of



nostalgia flow through her like a cup of tea on a warm night.



She found comfort in knowing so much had passed before her in



this place and still the city pressed on, surrounding her in



decades of strength and hope. Over the past few years the



historical city had grown on her even though she still missed



Washington and the unique Cascade mountains at odd moments. Soon



though she and her husband, Chris, would very likely be moving



farther north to accommodate a hard won promotion for



Christopher out of the FBI‟s Richmond office as an agent



dedicated to cyber crime and into the lauded and much sought



after halls of the Behavioral Analysis Unit.



She turned the music up and put the top down on her



Challenger, a gift from Chris for their fifth wedding

anniversary. Kat let the cold wind flow around her as she passed



the stately old cathedral. It was probably too cold to have the



top down but it was the first sunny day of the year and she



wanted to feel her hair fly and feel the sun seep into her skin.



Kat took her time, savoring each turn. Their beautiful



house was on the market and their days were numbered. She had



just given her notice to the principal of the school where she



worked as a high school history teacher. That meeting had been



far more horrible than expected and she had to shove the anger



and vile threats from her mind in an effort to just enjoy the



drive. Knowing the truth about Travis Wakefield made quitting



much easier though she would miss her students dreadfully.



Turning into her driveway she was surprised to see Chris‟s



truck parked a bit askew and felt a tinge of worry. It wasn‟t



like him to park so carelessly. He was almost obsessive-



compulsive in the order he had to have and that included parking



just right.



“Where have you been?”



Kat barely missed hitting him as he popped out from behind



the snow covered Virginia pine to the side of their drive. “I



had a meeting with Travis to resign. My contract requires at



least thirty days notice so I thought now was the time. We did



put the house on the market this week and you have a few cases



to close out and then start work in Quantico. I know you were

going to commute and wait until the house sold to move and we



still can but I didn‟t want my job to be an obstacle.”



He was bright red and the anger almost seemed to pulse off



of him. “I wish you would have talked to me first. We should



have at least discussed it.”



Kat tried not to let her annoyance show. His volatile



temper was not new and any anger from her only made him worse.



She took the moment to put the top up, gather her purse, and



breathe. Letting him rile her wasn‟t going to help either of



them. “We had. I admit I should have talked more to you about



the when. I just thought about it more when the realtor put the



sign up and when I went in today I figured it was a sooner the



better type situation.”



Chris opened his mouth to say something when the house



phone blared and he jerked as if struck, “Right now isn‟t the



time. Somehow some guy from Washington got our phone number and



my work number. He has been calling for the past two hours and



refuses to tell me what it is concerning, only that he needs to



speak to you urgently.”



The chill of the air hit her as a new worry spiraled



through her. She hadn‟t spoken to anyone besides her little



brother in Washington in years. Her parents had hated her



marriage to Chris and her closest friend had shown his own

disapproval by not even coming to the wedding and attempting to



try for a semblance of support. “Who was it?”



He glared at the house as the phone continued to shrill,



“Matt Perry. Do you know him? I swear that name seems familiar.”



“Uncle Matt?” Kaitlyn gasped in surprise. She forced



herself to ignore the renewed flash of hatred and fury in her



husband‟s eyes as she dashed past him to get to the phone.



“Uncle Matt,” she blurted as she grabbed the phone



from the cradle, “is it really you?”





Matthew Perry laughed softly, “Yeah baby girl, it‟s me.”





“You sound the same as you did when I was six. Will you



ever get any older?” She asked with a laugh, happy to hear a



comforting voice from a past she hadn‟t realized she had been



desperately missing.





“Kat, I am so glad that you finally answered the phone.”



Matt exclaimed with pain and anguish in his voice that seemed to



float through the phone line and tickle her spine. “You might



want to sit down for this honey.”





“Why? Is something wrong? I received an e-mail from Alex a



couple of days ago and everything was fine then.” She paused



trying to gauge the tone of his voice, desperately wanting the



foreboding sensations to flee into the wind. “Tell me.”

“It‟s your dad, sweetie. There was an accident on a job



site.” He took a deep breath and seemed to steady himself. “He



didn‟t make it,” Matt said. Kat could hear the tremor in his



voice and knew he was trying to soften the blow. “You need to



come home.”





Kaitlyn froze as it hit her that her worst fears were being



realized, hidden fears that she had pushed aside in an effort to



keep peace in her marriage. Her father was gone and she was not



there to help her family cope, she hadn‟t even been able to talk



to him one last time. She hated herself for that, and for all



the time she had lost with her family.





She had trouble taking it all in. Kat started to sob as



she crumpled to the floor in a heap. She turned into herself,



letting grief and guilt flow over her like a warm blanket. She



did not know which emotion she was feeling more but knew that



she wanted to let them drench her and aid her pain. Chris came



running into the room, and Kat knew her display of agony would



probably only make him more angry but she couldn‟t seem to stop



her tears.





Kaitlyn let the memories take her, barely registering as



Chris took the phone from her hand and talked angrily to Matt.



Images of running through the forest when she was five hoping to



catch a glimpse of a deer on the first hunt her dad let her tag

along on flashed through her head, visions of playing on the



trampoline in the backyard with Alex while their dad bounced



them as high as he could, late night movie sessions, pillow



fights, sour candy runs. Every memory felt like a shining star



through a fiery haze of pain. Joel Stuart was the type of dad



every kid dreams of growing up. Loving, playful, involved.





He was also over-protective and somewhat hard to handle and



he spoke his mind sometimes without really thinking. That human



aspect was one she had slammed against as a teenager and had



ultimately resulted in the huge chasm that had built when she



had decided to marry Chris. That strength was something she



desperately craved as she lost track of time.





“Kat.” Chris crouched down beside her and took her by the



shoulders. “Kaitlyn, snap out of it. You have to pull it



together.”





Even though the tone was soft it was laced with venom and



that, more than the swift shake, pulled her from her grief.



“You‟re right. I‟m sorry.”





Kat let him pull her to her feet and into his arms. For



some reason though his hug just didn‟t feel like the haven it



had only the day before. Her world seemed changed. It felt like

she was looking at things through a thin film, separated from



everything even while being there.





“Are you going to make dinner any time soon? All the stress



of today has my nerves shot.”





Like a shotgun blast to the chest Kaitlyn suddenly realized



that everything her father had said was probably right. Her



husband was a spoiled, selfish, insensitive jerk. It made her



feel even guiltier for the distance she had allowed to build.





Knowing that the mundane household tasks would give her



time to think she answered, “I‟ll go put it together right now.



It should take maybe an hour or so.”





“Make it an hour and a half. That will give me time to run



a quick errand.”





“Okay.” Kat hurried to the kitchen and set the oven to



preheat before he could kiss her. Even the thought of being



touched by him with her mind feeling so confused and bombarded



by emotion was a bit much right that moment.





She then took her time walking into the bathroom and



stepped out of her clothes. She got into the spacious shower



turning on the multiple shower heads. Kat let the water heat as



she looked at herself in the mirror. Over the past hour her



entire world had shifted. She felt like she had run a marathon

in knight‟s armor and expected some sort of external sign.



Instead she looked exactly the same.





Kaitlyn gave a silent prayer of thanks as the hot water



covered her aching body. While the steam released the physical



pain that engulfed her and the tension holding her body taunt,



she gave in again to the grief that filled her to her soul.



Silent tears streamed down her face as Kat thought of her father



and missed him. She knew that she needed to get to Utah, to her



loved ones. Her family needed her. Strength filled her to the



tips of her toes; strength that she did not know existed, that



she thought she had lost long ago, somehow she knew it was from



her father that her power came.





She would catch a plane to Portland in the morning. Kat



could be in Battle Ground by early afternoon. She would go to



the Perry‟s, until she could face her mother. Matt and Jenny



would happily provide a haven. Besides, she could not go home.



She wasn‟t ready to face her mother, not when she had been so



wrong about so many things. She knew that was probably wrong,



especially given the situation but she didn‟t know what else to



do. Maybe if it had been her mother to call. She hated feeling



so confused but planning made her feel better.





Kat smiled softly to herself. It felt good to feel positive



about something when it felt like the foundation under her was

crumbling away into nothingness. She stepped out of the shower



stall and grabbed a towel with a sense of purpose and direction.





She put on her customary t-shirt and shorts, despite the



wintry weather outside, and went to the kitchen to start dinner.



She loved this kitchen. The marble and dark maple cupboards



complimented each other to perfection. Kaitlyn could cook like a



dream. She realized then that she had taught herself to go



above what her mother and grandmother had shown her to please



Chris. He may have never forced her to do anything but as she



thought back she realized he was the king of manipulation and



she had become just the type of trophy wife she hated. Hair cut



just so, clothes with only the best labels, makeup applied each



morning with painstaking care. The tomboy of her youth was well



hidden these days.





Tonight she made his favorite, lasagna, something he always



wanted when he felt especially put upon by others. As she



stirred her sauce and began preparing the food, she thought



about the last time she had spoken to her mother. It had been



two years since that last horrible conversation. Her mother had



called with questions about why they needed to borrow so much



money and when Kat had denied it had launched into how Chris had



supposedly called her father looking for a loan of fifteen



thousand dollars. Kat had refused to believe it. Her father had

said some pretty outrageous things about him before and none of



it had proven true. Kaitlyn knew this would prove just as false



and, reverting to the stubborn teen she used to be, she defended



the man she loved until both she and her mother had hung up in



tears. Looking at his callous behavior now she felt like her



mother had probably been right and Kat wondered if that was the



only time her husband had taken advantage of her family or it



had become a habit. She dreaded the answer.





Kat put the lasagna in the oven and went to set the table.



If it was not cooked right Chris would become agitated and she



did not want to risk it, not with her mind in such a whirl. That



fight and all the others had very likely been because of her



blindness. That made the grief all the keener.





She checked the timer for the lasagna and pulled on her



coat to go to her greenhouse garden to pick some vegetables for



the salad. The only sign her body gave of the cold weather was



the puff of her breath as she hurried through the snow. As she



picked a cucumber, some carrots, a head of lettuce, and a tomato



she looked up at her home through the clear glass of the



hothouse, savoring the warmth and the view. The house had been



built in the 1800‟s but it was full of modern amenities. She



would miss this house. The wide, wraparound porch and the view

of the Appalachian Mountains always made her feel closer to her



family. The red shutters enhanced the white of the siding.





Kat admired the hand crafted moldings as she carried her



basket into the kitchen, careful not to track snow through the



hall. The house gleamed because Chris insisted on it, why had



she never realized that? The hardwood floors were freshly



scrubbed and the marble countertops sparkled from daily



polishing. She had a list of chores she did every day on top of



her teaching that had plenty of take home work. Why had she



never seen all the ways he had pushed and prodded and remade



her? Was everything he did tinged with malice and self-interest?





She jumped as the front door slammed shut, slicing her



finger with the knife she was using to cut the vegetables, and



wincing in pain. It was evidence of how tightly wound her nerves



were.





“Chris is that you honey?” She called out, wanting to sound



more cheerful than she felt, praying the right amount of



excitement infused her voice, knowing it was expected. “You



startled me.”





“Who else would it be?” Chris laughed, the sound both



reassuring and scary. She hated how a sound that used to comfort



now grated, hated how it made her skin crawl and her spine

tingle because she wondered what deviousness was behind it. Kat



threw a glance toward heaven, beseeching a higher power to grant



her strength to get through the night without turning things



into an argument.





She turned around as he entered the kitchen carrying a



dozen roses. “Dinner is almost ready babe. I made your



favorite.”





He put his arms around her, and pulled her into him. “I



brought you these. Can we try to have a good night?” He didn‟t



sound contrite; he sounded relaxed though, as if he had released



some tension.





She faked a smile as she tried to hide her confusion,



hoping her true feelings didn‟t peek through her carefully



composed facade. She should have guessed he was doing something



like this. He always tried to make it better when his anger



peeked through his usually tightly controlled demeanor. “I



deserved it. Let‟s just forget about it. Why don‟t you go sit



down while I get your dinner on the table?” This time though it



wouldn‟t work. She had had enough and wanted to really think



about all the other times she had let flowers and an apology



suffice.

“Thanks Kat. You know that I love you right?” He asked as



he turned to the dining room. She felt so revolted at even the



sound of his voice. Here she was, a woman raised to be strong,



and she had let this man rule her life. How had she been so



stupid? How had she been so weak, so gullible? She hoped her



blindness was behind her.





“Of course darling, I love you too.” She held her breath



until he was turned away from her; then she exhaled shakily and



thanked the heavens that she would be leaving tomorrow and



getting some distance and time to think.





Kat took the dishes out of the cupboard and continued to



clear the thoughts from her mind. Thinking was for tomorrow.



Tonight was for seeing if there was good in the man she married.



There had to be. She married him and despite evidence to the



contrary she wasn‟t completely stupid or gullible. She was also



raised by a woman who had taught her that it was good to want to



please your husband, to cook for him, to keep his house. Maybe



this wasn‟t all his manipulation? Right? She let hopeful



thoughts swirl through her head.





After she placed the plates and silverware on the placemats



Chris stood and spun her with a laugh, “You look beautiful



sweetheart.”

Even with his behavior of the day she felt her heart warm.



This was the sweet man she knew. “Chris I am in ratty clothes.



Stop being a goof.”





“A man can find his wife breathtaking at any time.” He



nuzzled her throat and then patted her bottom, “now where is my



food?”





Kaitlyn gently pushed him back, “Let me go and I‟ll go get



it!”





She now felt even more confused. It was like two men



inhabited the same body. There was the sweet, gentle, brilliant



man who had swept the young college junior up in a fairy tale



romance of moonlit dates and poetry and candle-light. He had



worked to get her to finish college and grad school and had



refused to let her help financially. He never minded the fast



food or quick dinners during finals week and cheered as she



graduated with honors.





Then there was the man who peeked through today and in



little ways every other day by having a steely control and



getting loudly angry when things weren‟t the way he wanted but



showering her with gifts when they were. He was a king of



manipulation.

Carrying in the lasagna she knew he loved Kat vowed to keep



an open mind and to just try to find the good in their marriage.



She also planned to spend her time in Washington mending her



relationships with her family and figure out what she wanted



from her life with Chris. “Here you go love. I hope you like



it.”





“You made it so I am sure I will.”





“You are so sweet. I need to grab the salad, I‟ll be right



back.”





She hurried and retrieved the salad and served them both.



As always Kat took her time with her presentation knowing Chris



loved it.





Kaitlyn let them both absorb the silence for a while before



she spoke. “So I figured I would take an early flight to



Portland tomorrow and then drive across the river to Battle



Ground. I should only be gone for a week or so at most. I know



you can‟t really take leave right now so I understand if you



can‟t go with me.”





As Chris leaned back in his chair she could see the color



rise in his cheeks, “Excuse me? Why exactly are you going to



Washington?”





“Chris my father died. Didn‟t you get that?”

“Yes that Matt guy told me but I don‟t see why that means



you have to leave. It isn‟t exactly like they have been in our



lives. Hell your dad could hardly stand the sight of us let



alone help out in a pinch. Why should we care what happened to



him?”





Her mind reeling Kat had her earlier thoughts confirmed. He



had asked her parents for money. Knowing they had told him no



gave her a small bit of comfort. “Christopher, he was my father



regardless of the distance. I know you don‟t know your own



family but for me that tie means something. I have to be there.”





“No.” He snapped the word and it cracked through the room



like a bullet.





Chris turned from her and back to his food as if that one



word was enough and his word was law. Kaitlyn felt stunned and



terribly hurt. She needed this. She needed to be with her family



and rather than support her he dictates and expects to be obeyed



as if it is okay.





She calmly pushed back from the table, knowing any show of



the anger she felt would just make this fight worse. “You are my



husband, my partner. You do not own me. You do not have the



right to dictate to me and while I often happily accede to your



wishes this time I am doing what I need to do. I am sorry if

that isn‟t what you want. I need to be there. I need to say



goodbye to my father. I need to see my mother and Alex. I need



this. I wish you could be okay with it.”





She turned to walk out of the dining room and was stunned



when she heard a loud crash behind her. Kat turned around



stunned to see that Chris had tossed the entire table over. It



lay in pieces against the wall mixed with glass and food. Then



she looked into her husband‟s eyes.





Kaitlyn turned and she ran. She hadn‟t made it a dozen



steps before he was on her. Her breath slammed out of her as the



force of his tackle took them both to the floor. She tried to



roll but he had wrapped both of his arms around her and used his



weight to pin her.





She felt his breath hot against her ear, “I said no. If you



won‟t obey me by choice I will make damn sure you obey me by



force. You became mine the day you said „I do‟.”





Chris stood and pulled her with him by using the hands he



had tangled in her hair. The fighter in her roared to life as



her breath filled her lungs. “I am not your property Chris.”



Using every memory she could she twisted closer to him until she



could use her palm and her lack of height to hit him with a



quick uppercut to the nose. The resulting fountain of blood told

her she had broken his nose and he immediately let go of her



hair to grab at his face.





“You bitch, you broke my nose.”





“My dad taught me that. Touch me again and I‟ll do worse.”



She turned on her heel to stomp off thinking that would be the



end of it. She was going to pack her bags and get out of this



house. No one hit her. Ever.





Suddenly she hit the floor as Chris swept her feet out from



under her. “Honestly think that scares me?”





Kat rolled as he lunged down after her but before she could



even think of a counter move he punched her hard enough across



the jaw to make her see stars. She couldn‟t even find a second



to think as the blows rained down. He hit her face, her chest,



her stomach. It felt like every inch of her upper body was a



massive bruise and she fought for consciousness as he climbed



off of her with a smirk.





“Are you ready to obey me?”





Her voice sounded foreign and hoarse as she crawled up to



her hands and knees. “You are a piece of trash. I can‟t believe



I didn‟t see it sooner.”

Kat lurched to her feet and using strength she didn‟t know



she still had kicked him as hard as she could in the crotch.



“Screw you.”





She turned and limped upstairs as he fell to the floor in



agony. She could feel her lip swelling and one eye was blurry



and hard to see out of as it was almost completely closed from



the mass of bruises surrounding it. Kaitlyn looked in her



dresser mirror and knew she wasn‟t going to need to think any



longer. There was no way she was going to stay married to a man



who hit her. No freaking way.





Kat packed everything she could as quickly as she could



into a couple of duffle bags. She felt angry tears gather as 8



years of her life was reduced to a couple bags. Her marriage had



been a lie, her husband was exactly the man her father had



warned her about and now she was going home, broken, alone, and



to bury her dad.





She put a bag on each aching shoulder and walked from the



room she had loved so much, where so many dreams had been



shared, where so many nights had been spent wrapped in the arms



of a man she had obviously never really known.





Kaitlyn froze as she hit the bottom of the stairs. Chris



was not on the floor any more. She slowly walked down the hall

towards the front door looking to each side as she passed the



study and living room. The rustling of the bags sounded like



thunder in the silent house.





Yet again she went flying as Chris slammed into her from



the dining room. She hit the wall hard enough to make the mirror



drop and felt the glass cut her legs, blood dripping.





“Nice try bitch. You really seem to have a hard time



getting the message. I own you. You leave when I say so.”





Chris kicked her bags aside as he slammed his fist into her



temple. Her last thought as things went black was of her father.









Kaitlyn felt something hot drip on her face and came awake



instantly. The scream that rose up her throat never made it



passed her lips and the gag tied tightly there. She thrashed



against the bed as she realized Chris had tied both her hands



together and then to the headboard and each foot was tied to a



different corner of the footboard.





“You will learn exactly what I expect from my wife. I am



pretty easy to get along with. I mean you did make it this long



without needing a major lesson.”

This time she saw the candle coming and braced as the fiery



wax hit her skin. “I‟m not doing anything permanent though I bet



this is agony against those bruises. If you would have just



listened to me we could have avoided all of this.”





She felt tears pool in her eyes. Who was this man? How had



she missed this terrible side of him? How had he kept it so



contained and hidden from her? Kaitlyn soon felt her mind go



fuzzy as he moved from hot wax to a thin blade, making tiny cuts



on her skin in whatever delicate places he wanted. Against her



hip where the pain seared, under her breast where her mind went



dull and dim. Over and over he made little slices and grinned



gleefully as her body jerked from the pain even as her mind shut



down to it. She welcomed the black this time, praying she



wouldn‟t wake up from it.









When she woke again she was clean and bandaged. She was



even untied. She looked around the room they had treasured and



hated what she saw. Flowers everywhere. Her closet door was open



and her things had been returned to the hangers. A letter sat on



her nightstand.



Kitten,

I love you! I know after our little talk you feel the same way I do and



have no plans to go anywhere. I would hate a repeat of our fight. I do hate



it when we argue. I will be home soon with dinner! Wear something beautiful.





Love, Chris





Kaitlyn could not swallow the bile that rose up and despite



the agony of her screaming body she had to dash to the bathroom



and throw up. All that came up was acid and she couldn‟t help



but wonder how long it had been. Her face still looked horrible



but wasn‟t as bad as she expected it to be. Somehow Chris had



gotten a nightgown on her but she could feel the wrap around her



ribs under it. Had a doctor seen her?





As she washed her mouth out and moved around the bathroom



she felt a familiar twinge between her legs and more bile rose.



He had raped her? What else had he done to her? Kat ripped the



bandages away from her body. Dim memories of the cutting came



back as she saw the slices covering her body. The rib wrap hid



his name carved into her flesh deep enough that she knew it



would scar. Her thighs had burns on them that looked puckered



and raw. He may have cleaned her up and tried to make nice but



he had only recently stopped all of the torture.





Kat ran to her closet to repack and found all of the bags



gone. She tried the bedroom door and found it locked. Luckily a



simple lock wasn‟t enough to stop her and knowing time was short

she went into the bathroom for trash bags. All of her clothes



and toiletries were thrown into bags. She used a bobby pin to



pick the lock of her bedroom door and she went out to her car.



She got the spare key she had hidden under the engine block and



got everything into her trunk and pulled open the tire



compartment to get out her spare identification and money. One



thing her father had always taught her was to have emergency



exits. Her stash had extra things for Chris as well but these



she threw into their yard. Kaitlyn vowed to never do a kind



thing for him again.

Chapter 2 – Battle Ground, Washington









Jonathan Perry walked into his parent‟s kitchen and made



himself at home. He loved the feelings this room gave him and he



never missed a chance to bask in it. The room was large with the



outer wall one big picture window. The table and chairs were oak



and iron, made by Joel Stuart and his father when they had been



younger. The white marble counter top and floor contrasted



beautifully with the dark wooden cabinetry. The dish washer and



other appliances were covered in the same wood and blended well



into the room, making the room seem older and more traditional



than it was.





He tugged at the collar of his police uniform and took a



deep breath. He knew how much his father was hurting and he



wanted to ease the pain.

“Hey Dad,” he addressed his father as he stood by the



counter, “Got anything to eat?”





“You are twenty eight and you have your own kitchen with



your own food. Why don‟t you eat there?” Matt asked a smile on



his face that did not reach his eyes. He looked glad to see his



son.





“Did you call Kaitlyn with the news, Dad?” Jon asked this



as he flipped a chair around to straddle it just as he had done



since he had been big enough to sit in a chair. He was trying to



be as normal as possible. He was hurting at the loss of a man he



considered an uncle and he knew it was worse for his dad. A



thousand times worse if the strain showing in Matt‟s eyes was



any indication.





“Yeah I called yesterday, but Chris won‟t let her come. He



is worried about who would take care of him if she were gone,”



Matt fumed. “If you ask me that guy has some serious issues that



he needs to deal with. I mean if you could have heard how



stricken she was and then heard that guy talk you would have



wanted to go through the phone and hit him. I know I did.”





“I know, I could never figure out what she saw in him.”





He let his thoughts rest on Kaitlyn. When they were kids



Jon had a huge crush on Kat. He had even asked her to marry him

when he was ten and she was nine. She had claimed that boys had



cooties and that she would never marry. Then she had given him



her first kiss, wet and sloppy though it was. They had been



inseparable from that moment on and no one had rejoiced more



when the Stuarts had moved back to Washington permanently. He



had forgotten that long ago proposal until that moment and he



ached for her and what could have been.





“Dad, do you think Chris will change his mind?” Jon



inquired, hope in his voice, yearning in his heart. “Kat should



be here. She must be miserable about all of this. The distance



can‟t be helping matters any.”





“Son, I pray she comes, but if not we will be there for



Anna and Alex as best we can,” Matt said, anguish in his eyes.





Jon looked closely at his father. Matt was 6‟6” and a huge



hulk of a man. He was a solid wall of muscle that could be



immensely comforting or incredibly intimidating. He was one of



those men that you went to when you were in trouble,



instinctively knowing he would do anything he could to protect



and shelter you. His physical characteristics gave off an aura



of strength and his personality was just as strong. He was a



big teddy bear that would give you a good squeeze whether you



wanted him to or not. His family thought his hugs could solve

all of the world‟s problems. Jon craved one of those hugs but



didn‟t want to bother his father.





Jon saw how his chartreuse eyes somehow looked both



despondent and hopeful. His mouth was in a rare frown and



quivered with unrelieved heartache and a despair so deep it hurt



Jon just to look at him.





Jon hated what he saw as he looked at his father and he



began to worry. He knew Matt was not as young as he once was



and Jon prayed that the shock of losing the best friend that he



had had since they were in their early teens would not make him



suffer an early stroke as his grandfather had. Jon was



heartbroken and devastated beyond measure and he couldn‟t



imagine what his father must be going through.





“How are you doing with all of this?” Jon asked now as he



softly held his father‟s hand.





“I am okay. I hate knowing that he won‟t be at work or that



your mother and I won‟t be going on any more double dates with



him and Anna. I hate not knowing what to do for them.” Matt took



a deep breath. “Anna seems to be in shock. Alex got angry and he



won‟t let anyone near him, let alone talk to him. And Kat is



stuck in Virginia with her ogre husband. It worries me.” Matt



cried softly, head in his hands.

Jon grew even more concerned as he watched his father. Jon



had never seen Matt cry and it startled him. Matt had always



been the one to close himself off from showing his feelings to



anyone but his wife.





“You need to take some time for yourself to grieve. I‟ll



stop by and see if Anna needs anything. Alex knows my number; I



think he will call me when he is ready, we have always been



pretty close.” Jon said, quietly. “Take a few days off and let



your heart heal before you go trying to make everyone else feel



better.”





“Thanks son. I just might do that.” Matt whispered.





“Jon, what are you doing eating all of my food?” Jennifer



Perry asked her son. He was happy to hear her teasing him even



if her eyes were filled with pain.





Jon had to admire how beautiful she was. Jenny was a tall



woman. At 6‟ she was all leg. Her build was still slim and she



carried herself with a dancer‟s grace. She was stunning. Short



red curls framed her oval face. Her honey eyes shone with hurt



now but they usually were filled with joy. Her nurse‟s hands had



helped to save many a life and he counted on them to keep his



father healthy.

“Hey Mom, I just wanted to see how you both were doing.”



Jon stood, knowing his father was in the most capable hands



possible.





“We are fine, son. I‟ll take care of your father,” she said



as she wrapped her arms around her husband and gave a half-



hearted wink to her son. “You go ahead and go to work.”





“Kay. Bye Mom, Dad.” Jon said as he kissed them both before



he walked out of the door. “Love you.”









Kat walked into the store knowing she looked horrible. She



was covered in bruises. In her rush to escape she had put on



shorts and a t-shirt with her snow boots. All the now uncovered



marks on her pale skin seemed to stand out like beacons. She had



never felt so self-conscious and embarrassed.





She made her way first to the make-up section feeling a



desperate need to look less like the beaten wife she was. Kat



finally understood why they said the abused felt shame. Even



though she had done nothing wrong or to deserve it she felt like



every mark was a sign to the world of her failure. Her mind knew



better but her heart felt so beaten.





How had she missed all that he was? When they had met it



had seemed like the goodness in him shone like a beacon. He was

generous and giving and romantic. Chris had made sure to be



gentle and kind.





Kaitlyn felt so freaking stupid. She continued to berate



herself as she picked through the makeup, replacing what she



hadn‟t taken the time to grab in her haste and probably getting



doubles of things she already had. She honestly felt like she



was looking at someone else‟s life.





She quickly grabbed a couple of duffle bags to replace the



garbage bags holding her things for the plane ride home. Home.



For so long that word had been all about Chris and their life



together. It had been about his needs and wants, his career. She



wasn‟t even sure what a future looked like without him in it but



she was sure she could never go back. He had gone so far beyond



a little accidental display of temper. He had tortured her.





Kat pushed her cart to the clothing section to buy clothes



more suitable to the weather and better able to cover her



bruises. As her womb cramped she was reminded that it had gone



even farther than torture. The man who had sworn to love and



cherish her all the days of his life had raped her. From the way



her body felt he had raped her more than once.





Her legs chose that moment to give and she sunk to the



floor as tears began to slide down her battered face. He had

made promises, he had taken vows and instead he had taken



everything safe and good from her life. Her very existence



seemed based on a lie.





“Sweety, are you okay?” a kind voice asked from above her



head.





Kaitlyn looked up into the most beautiful face she had ever



seen. The deep blue eyes shone with wisdom and strength. The



small woman was ninety if she was a day but she radiated a fire



that immediately comforted Kat.





“It has been a rough couple days, but I think it will get



better as soon as I can get home.”





The woman smiled, “I know rough and honey you look like



rough ran you over and then backed up to make sure you were down



for the count.” Looking into the Kat‟s cart in the open way that



older people do you could see her mind processing information as



her eyes clouded and cleared. “I‟ve had moments like that



myself. Why don‟t I go with you to pay for these things and we



can go to the restroom at the back of the store and get you



fixed right up?”





Kaitlyn scrambled to her feet in a rush, “Oh I don‟t want



to bother you. I am sure you have better things to do than help



a hysterical stranger in the local Wally world.”

“Honey I think you are exactly the reason I was meant to be



here. Now come on.”





Kat followed the tiny woman to the front of the store and



through the check out listening to her sweet voice describe her



many grandchildren and their crazy antics. She let the presence



of this woman calm her frazzled nerves and renew her strength.



In a way she felt like she was back with her own grandmother



though she had died many years ago. The same strength and



kindness emanated from this kind stranger.





Kat let herself be led into the large industrial public



bathroom and had to smile as the makeup she had bought was



quickly pulled from its packaging and spread across the counter



and the clothing was pulled from the bag and all the tags



removed.





“Now you change and then we will tackle your makeup. I need



to grab one thing out of my car. I‟ll be right back. Take your



time.”





Feeling a little dazed Kaitlyn followed orders and went



into the largest stall. She stripped out of her boots, shorts



and shirt and took a moment to look at the marks again. Her



blood boiled with rage at the angry gashes where his name



slashed across her belly. She could not believe how he had

completely defiled her body just to stop her from leaving his



side for a couple days. She would have been back and they would



have gone on like always but he couldn‟t stand the thought of



her being out of his sight for so long. Was he that insecure?



That jealous? As she pulled on the soft sweater and the thick



jeans she couldn‟t help but wonder if the rift between her and



Jon had been pushed along a bit by her husband.





Kaitlyn heard her fairy godmother return as she pulled her



boots back on over her newly bought thick wool socks. She walked



out and was surprised to see a large bag in her new friend‟s



hands. It dwarfed the small woman but she handled it with ease



and smiled warmly as she looked Kat over and nodded her



approval.





“That is a much better outfit. You don‟t look so cold now.”



She pointed to the bench near the counter that was supposed to



be a thoughtful addition for nursing mothers or others needing a



quiet break. “Now sit and let‟s see what we can do about those



cuts and bruises.”





The woman pulled medical supplies from the bag. “I think we



need to medicate the cuts. A couple of the ones on your arms



looked close to becoming infected and the one on your left knee



was already there. I‟ll bandage them up and then we can get to



the makeup part.”

She had Kat lift her sleeve here or her pants leg there and



worked her way over each cut and bruise and cleaned them,



medicated them, and bandaged them with a skill that meant she



had to have been in the medical profession.





“Were you a doctor?”





The woman laughed, “Oh dear me no. I was a nurse in the



war. Then I stayed in nursing after.”





“That explains it then.” Kat said as she relaxed and let



the woman do her job. “What was that like?”





“Well I was on Pearl Harbor. So at first it was amazing



being in a tropical paradise feeling like we were on vacation.



But it got real bad real quick and then it was pretty scary. Me



and my sweetheart came through though. He was a mechanic at the



airfield. We married as soon as we could after things cleared.



It really brought home the fact that life can change in an



instant.”





She felt her eyes fill again has the speed of her own life



changes hit home, “Yes it can.”





“Now I didn‟t mean to upset you again. All I‟m saying is



that you have to fight for the good. Wade was my second husband



and me only twenty-one. I married Jerry right out of school. He



was my high school sweetheart. That man had a temper though and

I thought I would change him. Until the day he about killed me



he beat me so bad and I realized he needed more fixing than I



could give him. Divorce in those days was a big scandal but



luckily I was a daddy‟s girl and daddy was a lawyer. I got out



and spent all my time trying to help other women get safe.



That‟s why when I saw you I knew you were the reason I braved



the cold and came shopping even though all I needed was some



milk.”





Kaitlyn looked at the woman next to her with new eyes. To



know that she had been beaten but had survived. Even more she



had found love and made her life beautiful. That gave her some



hope. “I hope I am that lucky. I don‟t feel it right now.”





“It can take a while but you‟ll get there I promise. Now



let‟s get that makeup on.”





“Thank you, I have to fly home today and thinking of all



the airport people staring had me even more terrified.”





“Airport? Well my other goodies are out of the question



then,” the woman said as she began to apply the foundation to



Kat‟s face.





“Other goodies?”





“Oh I was going to send you off with some pepper spray and



an asp but I doubt security would like that?”

“You carry that and medical supplies around in your car?”





“Sure do. Carry food and other things too. Never can tell



when you‟re going to have an emergency can you?”





Kat smothered a chuckle, “I guess that‟s true. You sound



like my father.” Just thinking of him made her feel a deep ache.



She hoped she hadn‟t missed the funeral.





“Then you have a smart daddy.”





“Yes. Yes I do.”





Before she knew it Kat had been bundled into her car with



the duffels filled with her things and her fairy godmother was



kissing her on the cheek. “Now honey you get home and you stay



safe. Remember that you did nothing wrong. Something in your man



is broken and no amount of fixing is going to help. All you can



do is keep yourself safe and make a better life. It is going to



be hard and a part of you is going to love him for the rest of



your life. That‟s okay. But you can never go back. Promise me.”





Kat nodded as resolve filled her, “I promise.”









Kaitlyn sat on the plane speeding across the country and



took what seemed like her first deep breath in days. She was on



her way to say goodbye and to start over. Damn that thought

grated. Having to start over when she hadn‟t done a thing wrong



just seemed like a punishment for no crime. She vowed right then



to make sure someone knew of what Chris had done to her. Maybe



leaving had been a mistake. Maybe she should have gone to the



police right away. Of course in Richmond Chris had relationships



with the police. Who‟s to say they would have listened? No, it



was better to make a dash for Washington and then deal with



Chris. She turned her head to stare out the window and ignored



the pull of the bandage on her neck.





Now she was on the plane and other than a few stares had



been left alone. She had checked all but her tiny purse with a



book and her identification and money so getting through



security hadn‟t been too bad.





Wishing she could get there faster she tried to put her



mind to anything but the coming reunion and stress. Of course



her thoughts wandered to Jon Perry. Was he happy? Was he



married? She hoped so. Their friendship had ended in such a



cluster of mixed emotions and miscommunication. How much of that



was because of their jumbled feelings and how much had been due



to Chris? Kaitlyn was afraid to learn the answer.





She tilted her seat back and closed her eyes, willing



herself to relax. Kat didn‟t even want to think of what she had



left behind and so she thought of happier times. Of swimming in

the lake with her best friend and fishing and holding hands



under the water and Derby Day lemonade. With her mind in a



calmer place she was able to get the first real healing sleep



she had in days.

Chapter 3









Jon sat in his patrol car and thought about Kaitlyn. He



still thought of her as the love of his life even though he had



been horrible at telling her that. He had spent the past several



years going from relationship to relationship in an effort to



replace her but it had never worked. He made so many mistakes



where she was concerned. Jon wished that he had told her his



feelings sooner. He had allowed his dreams of what their kisses



would be, of how she would look carrying his child in her belly,



how their life could be, build to the point that the dream



became so big he thought it was unattainable. He would love to



go back and change so many things. He grimaced as he remembered



the last time that they had seen each other.

It was a week before she was supposed to marry Chris. He



had finally realized that she was completely oblivious to the



way he felt for her and he was about to lose his chance. He had



called her in the hopes of remedying that problem. She had



agreed to see him without a moment‟s hesitation.





“Jon, is everything okay?” Kat asked. The concern poured



from her eyes, her tension evident in the way she pulled at her



sweater. “You made it sound so important.”





They were at a little bakery in downtown Vancouver. They



had eaten lunch there once a week for years. They had talked



about everything at their lunches, graduating from ice cream



cones and talking crushes to SAT scores and studying for college



finals. He chose this place because he felt it was a fitting way



to reveal the love that filled his soul and his dreams for them.





“Um… Kaitlyn, are you happy? I mean really happy with



Chris?” He asked, trying to keep the tremor out of his voice,



praying his disgust with the man wouldn‟t infuse this



conversation. He rushed on before she could answer. “I love you



Kat. I have since we were little and you said that I had



cooties. Not like my sister or my best friend but like the woman



I want to spend the rest of my life with.”





“Jon.”

“No, listen. I thought you knew. I was sure of it. Even



after you started to date Chris I was sure you would be around



to marry me, so I didn‟t say anything then.” He tried not to



sound too upset. “I never dreamed that you would marry someone



else before I had a chance to talk to you.”





He paused as he saw the tears start to fill her eyes. He



prayed that these were tears of joy but this was not how he had



expected her to react. He hated seeing the salt lines marking



her face and knowing that he had caused them tore his at heart.





“I never meant to upset you with this. I just wanted you to



know that I had our future planned. I thought we would get



married, have the American dream. White picket fence, two kids,



and a dog. You know, go the whole nine yards.”





“Jon, stop.” Kat interrupted. He knew she was trying to



keep her emotions in check as she scrubbed her napkin across her



face. “I never knew you felt like this.”





He hated how she struggled with her words. This was not



going how he had expected it to. Kat had a gift with words and



to see her almost speechless broke a part of him.





“I can‟t let this change anything. I am getting married to



Chris. I am sorry. It might be best if you weren‟t at the

wedding.” She finished quietly. He shuddered as she ran out of



the restaurant.





Jon jerked himself back from the past and looked at his



parent‟s house. He hated the anguish he had seen in her eyes



that day, the bleakness that had floated across her beautiful



face. He had a split second where even the thought of her coming



home seemed to be too much to bear. Seeing her would just bring



the old pain back. He missed her so much. He only wanted her to



be happy. Jon sent a prayer skyward asking God to make her



marriage a good one, to make her happy and safe, to give her the



strength she would need to get through this.





He pulled away from his parents‟ house and drove the two



miles to the Stuart place. How he had envied their house as a



child. They were one of the few families who still had acreage



and beauty. Jon missed playing hide-and-seek. He missed night



games of tag and kick-the-can. Mostly he missed being a kid. He



wished that he were still care free and young, that devastation



and loss had never touched the people that he loved.





He pulled up as Alex ran out of the house. Jon was stunned



to see the changes that had occurred over night. The usually



neat boy looked like he had fallen asleep in his clothes with



all the wrinkles in them. His raven hair was sticking up in



places and his brown eyes were blood shot.

“Hey Alex!” Jon shouted to get the teen‟s attention,



wanting to take the disheveled look from Alex‟s face.





He knew Alex pretended not to hear as a car pulled up and



he got in. The car, an unremarkable black Ford, sped away before



the door was even shut. Anna raced out of the house. Her white



robe billowed around her and her auburn hair was down, loose and



sopping wet, her face scrubbed red and clean. Jon secretly



thought she was beautiful, he always had.





“Jon, did you see Alex? I have been trying to get him to



talk to me but I can‟t seem to reach him no matter what I do.”



Anna looked miserable as she kept running her hands over her wet



hair. “I just don‟t understand where this anger is coming from.”





“Everyone grieves in their own way. He will be okay.” Jon



said, hoping that he was right and Alex would be fine. “I saw



him take off in a 90‟s Ford. It was a little beater car. He



seemed anxious to see his friends, didn‟t even look at me when I



called his name.”





“I don‟t know who owns that car. He did not even say that



he was leaving.” Anna grumbled. He could tell she was trying to



figure out who her son could be with by the vacant look in her



eyes.

Jon could see that she was very close to tears. He tried to



understand how she felt but couldn‟t. He remembered the pain of



knowing he would not ever be with Kaitlyn, but imagined that



losing a loved one in death had to be so much worse. The



finality of it coupled with Kaitlyn‟s absence and Alex‟s anger



was probably wearing her nerves very thin.





“Let‟s go inside, Aunt Anna.” Jon gently put his arm around



her shoulders, hunching to do so, since she was so small beside



him.





“Thanks, Jon. It is nice to not be alone.”





They walked into the spacious kitchen. Anna looked so



small. Jon noticed now that the robe she was wearing was Joel‟s.



She seemed to calm down as she set about setting the coffee-



maker to brew some coffee. The way Anna moved was graceful and



reminded him of a white-tailed deer full of peace and a time-



less beauty. She had a quiet confidence that made everyone



around her relax.





“Aunt Anna, is there anything that I can do for you?”





“Actually, yes there is. I am supposed to go get the body



released this morning.” She paused, catching her breath. “I



called Kyle Hall and he said that it would be okay if you did it



for me. Would you mind?”

“Of course not. I‟ll take care of anything you need.”





Jon was so proud of Anna. She would stumble but she always



regained her footing. He wished he could remain as steadfast



through all of life‟s problems as she did. Seeing her take a



deep breath and stand tall, he was awed.





Anna chuckled softly as she looked at him, “Seeing how you



are watching me reminds me of a time when you were little. Your



eyes would dart all over absorbing everything you could soaking



the world up like a sponge.”





“Would you tell me about it?” Jon asked, knowing that the



sharing would distract her for a moment and might be just what



she needs.





“You had to be about six,” she said, her voice going soft



as her eyes went hazy from the memories.





Anna was working on her new book. She was sitting on the



Perry porch watching Kaitlyn and Jon play tag. They were in



Washington for a few weeks of summer vacation while Joel‟s



current project in Nevada gave them the time. She heard a



strange noise and saw bees swarming on a tree near the kids. She



had called them over to her.

“Kids stay away from the tall oak tree. I know your tire



swing is on it but until your dads can get rid of the bees it



isn‟t safe.”





Jon‟s eyes were on a butterfly fluttering near the ground.



As he reached forward in an effort to lure the beautiful



creature into his hand Anna felt her patience fail.





“Jonathan, look at me young man. When I tell you something



I expect you to listen.”





“I heard you Aunt Anna.” Jon wined in his little boy voice.





“What did I say?” Anna expected an excuse or an apology.





“Stay away from the swing tree cause there‟s bees. I know



Kat is llergic.”





“Wow. Okay Jon, I am sorry I got mad. You two can go play.”





Jon saw her eyes clear as she focused on him again.





“I knew then that even if you seemed to not be paying



attention you saw everything. That‟s why I always encouraged



your insatiable curiosity.”





He smiled, “Except when it meant finding me hiding under



your bed in the middle of the night because I wanted to convince



Uncle Joel to take me hunting with him and Dad after Dad had



told me no.”

“Yeah that was a bit much,” she laughed and then looked



around her kitchen with curiosity in her eyes, “What do you see



now that has you so interested? Your eyes seem to be skimming



everything like usual.” Anna asked, curious about his answer.





“Everything. I haven‟t been here in a while. It hasn‟t



changed in ages. I love that.”





Anna laughed unexpectedly. “It feels good to laugh, to have



some bit of joy right now. I am so glad that you stopped by,



it‟s almost as good as having Kaitlyn back home.”





Jon knew life was tough and that Anna would always miss and



love Joel but her strength was evident just by looking at her as



her loss was still so close. “She‟ll be here. I‟m sure of it.



Now while I‟m here is there anything else you want me to do



before I go downtown?”





“Actually there is one thing. There are a couple papers on



Joel‟s desk. I am pretty sure they are for the business but I



don‟t have the heart to look right now. Can you look and take



them to your dad?”





He stood and gave her a squeeze as he walked past her to go



to his uncle‟s study, “Sure. I‟ll get them and head out. Call me



if you need anything.”

Anna nodded, “I will. Thanks honey.” She pulled him close



for a hug and then shuffled off to her room.









Jon shuffled through the papers on the beautiful desk and



piled all the business papers to one side and personal papers to



the other. As he was sifting he found was looked to be a journal



entry scribbled on a piece of notepaper and felt his heart sink



as he began to read.



Had a huge fight with Alex today. That boy is so much a clone of me



sometimes it’s scary. He waltzed into my office and asked to skip college.



Granted the kid is brilliant. It takes some hard work and guts to graduate



high school at 16 and I am damn proud of him but to skip out of college after



that hard work just to come work in construction? That’s not the life Anna



and I wanted for him. I worked my ass off to make sure we had a good life but



I’m tired and my body is a lot older than my years from the beating this life



has given it. No kid of mine was going to do this. Not if I could help it.



Then he says that he wants to just forget about the plans and dreams and



drive a forklift or some other machinery. I hate to say it but I exploded on



him. I forbid it. I sounded exactly like my own father had so many years ago.



We ended up just screaming at each other and both red faced with the rage. If



I were still drinking I would be toasted by now. My son, my flesh and blood,



stomped out of here wishing me ill. He really said he wished an accident



would happen at work so I would see that I need him. But the feeling was



there, the venom. He has never spoken to me like that, with such anger. Was I



wrong? Am I pushing my own dreams on my son? Anna says writing helps her



figure things out and I was hoping it would do the same for me but I feel

like I have more questions than answers now. I don’t want to talk to Anna



about this until I get it straight in my head how to talk to Alex again. I



love him. So much. Everything I have ever done has been for him and his



sister and mother.





Jon felt his heart break a little more. This explained a



lot. The date on the page was only a couple days before the



accident and knowing his uncle and his schedule the



reconciliation hadn‟t happened yet. Alex had to be blaming



himself and so angry over it all.





He felt torn. He looked up at the portrait of the family he



loved almost as much as his own, “What do I do with this?” Then



he knew. Joel would want Matt to be the one to give this paper



to Anna. So he put it with the business papers to take to his



father and quietly let himself out of the house. Alex needed to



know things were okay, he needed to see this letter, but more he



needed to see it from his mother and Anna needed it to come from



someone who knew Joel as well as she did and who might have even



talked to him about it.

Chapter Four









Kaitlyn woke as they descended into Denver. She finally



felt some peace and some hope. She had made it this far. Yes her



world was changed and her marriage was over but she was safe and



she was almost home.





Kat made her flight change and felt calm. She was almost



there. She thought of her mother, feeling both dread and



excitement. She missed Anna. She missed her strength, and her



soft voice. She missed her hugs and her quiet support. God, she



hoped her family was okay, especially Alex. He had been so close



to their father. She knew he must be as devastated as she was



and just thinking about it made her want to sob. She needed to



think about something else, anything else so she pulled out the

aircraft magazine from the pocket in front of her and let her



mind go numb in relief.









Kaitlyn sat in the cab shaking from all the pent up emotion



and adrenaline used in making the journey, finally letting all



of the feelings she had hid from flood her senses. She had made



it, she had escaped. She was in Washington and Chris had not



been able to stop her. Being free gave her an intoxicating



feeling of power. She was taking charge of her own life and she



loved it, but she hated some of the events that had caused her



flight home.





Kaitlyn was on her way to the Perry‟s house. She couldn‟t



remember the last time she had felt so nervous. Would they



welcome her? Would they hate her? How far had Chris and his



conniving dug into her life? As a child she had never realized



life was so confusing or so complicated. She missed those days



of easy choices and wide eyed innocence.





Kat sat there and tried to convince herself that it would



all be okay. Matt and Jenny would welcome her as they always



had, and with open arms. They would help her to approach her



mother and to help her family cope. She needed to be strong for

them. Her father would want her to stand up for them and do



whatever she could to help.





The cab came to a stop and she paid the driver quickly,



knowing that if she took her time she might lose her nerve.



Standing there by the curb filled her with warmth. The house



looked the same. As a child she had played in this yard, on this



porch. It felt comforting to think of those long ago days and



the joy of them.





The door opened and Kat felt sobs build in her throat. She



could be strong in a minute, now she needed comfort. Jenny Perry



was standing with her arms wide open and a smile bigger than the



ocean covered her face. Matt was behind her, covering his face



in his massive hands to hide the flow of tears. She felt shocked



by his tears but she recovered quickly.





“Kitten, welcome home.” Matt and Jenny said together. They



all chuckled at their synchronicity.





“Oh boy, I have missed you guys so much.” Kaitlyn ran into



their open arms and was engulfed in a massive family bear hug.





She was bustled into the house and lead to a comfy chair.



Kat was sure they were curious about her unannounced visit but



knew they were too nice to ask, and they wouldn‟t push her with

everything that had happened. She decided to quell their



inquiring thoughts right away.





“I was not ready to see Mom. I was afraid she would not



want to see me.” Kat explained.





“Oh honey, your mother would be so happy to see you. It is



only two days after she lost your dad and she needs you so



much.” Matt explained.





“Two days?” She couldn‟t believe it had only been that long



when it felt like a lifetime had happened since she had last



spoke to him and heard the news. “I was just being a chicken, I



guess. I didn‟t want to make anything worse.” Kat said, craving



reassurance.





“You wouldn‟t have. She loves you and always will no matter



what.” Jenny said, giving her that reassurance that only a



mother could.





She knew they were both worried about her and were



wondering at her appearance. The hair she usually took so much



care of was in a tail at the back of her head and her makeup was



obviously heavier than normal and not done in the colors she



usually favored.





Jenny and Matt had thought of Kaitlyn as one of their own



since she was born. They had been there for her birth and every

other major milestone since. The only other people closer to her



had been her own parents until Chris and his manipulation had



come along and built chasms she hadn‟t even really noticed until



they had been so wide and so deep it was just easier and better



to let them go than upset Chris. She regretted those thoughts.





“How are you, baby?” Jenny asked, gently prodding.





“Well I left Chris. I had too, if I stayed another day I



thought I might die and I have so much to live for. Of course I



knew Alex would need me too.”





“Do you mean really die or just metaphorically speaking?”



Matt asked, the tone in his voice settling into a growl.





“I mean really die.” Kat burst into tears and Jenny



scrambled to gather Kat into her arms.





“Has he hurt you?” Matt asked softly.





Kat could tell that her honorary uncle‟s rage was building



and felt comforted by it. “I was so blind. I think it started



about a month after we got home from our Honeymoon. Little



things at first. I had danced too close to another man at a



party. My clothes were too revealing. I had flirted with a co-



worker. Just stupid reasons to belittle me but he did it in a



way that I really thought the changes I made were my idea or



that those wrongs were huge sins rather than just things he was

obsessed over. That‟s why I started teaching only girls, because



any contact with someone male was being misconstrued into



something horrible and perverted and I couldn‟t take that. I



really thought it was me, that I was somehow in the wrong.”



Kaitlyn said, small sobs jumbling some of her words.





“He never hit me or even seemed what I would have defined



as verbally abusive. There was no name calling. He would just



get angry and yell and when he yelled he would tell me what



behavior I would do if I loved him or what I should do to show I



cared. Before I knew it I was a stepford wife. Until you called



and I told him I was coming home for Dad‟s funeral. That made



him seriously snap. I honestly wished for death at times he beat



me so badly.”





Jenny gasped, making Kaitlyn stop talking. Kat closed her



eyes waiting for them to say something, anything. Did they



believe her? Did they blame her? She felt the silence thicken



and was so afraid she had been wrong to come home that she had



to fight the urge to run from the room. All she heard was a



quiet, squeaky noise. When she looked up to see what the



peculiar noise was she saw Jenny sniffling, watching her with



her heart in her eyes. Her expression was so full of love



Kaitlyn was awed.

“I knew you were strong, but your courage humbles me. It



took so much to stay and even more to go. I am so proud of you



for having the strength to leave him.” Jenny whispered this as



Matt blinked back his own tears.





Kaitlyn thought about what her aunt said. Was she strong?



Was she a good person? How could she be and still be cursed like



that. If she was so great would her life have really followed



the course it had?





Jenny must have sensed her thoughts. “Kat, I truly believe



we are only given what we can handle. It was hard on you, I am



sure. But it taught you to find your courage. This will follow



you forever, helping you to deal with whatever life throws your



way.”





“I guess I haven‟t thought of it that way. I always thought



that people get what they put into the world. I thought that I



was being punished for some horrid thing I had done.”





“Sweetie there is not a mean bone in your body. You have



never been horrible to anyone.” Matt said softly. “Now you can



give yourself a good life, you can know how incredibly strong



you are and you can put that into everything that you do. If I



know you, you will find a way to make this whole sorry business



mean something. Horrible shit happens to great people. It is

unfair and it sucks but if anyone can make a negative become a



positive it is you.”





“Honey I hate to ask, but how badly did he hurt you?” Jenny



asked, the tone of her voice making it seem she was almost



hoping for more marks.





“Why?”





“If there are marks on your body we can call the police and



file a restraining order. It will help to keep you protected if



he tries to come after you.” Jenny explained.





“My makeup and cloths are covering it all. I look like a



knife sharpener.”





“Okay kiddo, you go with your aunt and she will take



pictures.” Matt said. She could see his anger and it made her



feel safer. There was no way Chris would be able to come near



her through that wall of sheer hatred. He must have sensed her



thoughts because he smiled and winked at her.





Kat followed Jenny into the spare room, admiring its beauty



despite her stress. The walls were a pale pink and silk flowers



lined the wall where it met the ceiling. The bed was large and



on an elevated platform in the center of the room. The covers



were in a floral print and were plump, just asking to be



snuggled under.

Jenny softly asked her to sit down on the edge of the bed.



Kat worried seeing the intense and determined look in her aunt‟s



eyes.





“Did he ummm…,” Jenny paused, as if to gather her thoughts,



“do anything else to you?” she asked. Kat was grateful for



Jenny‟s nursing experience. She felt her spirits rise as she



heard the confidence and calmness that seeped from Jenny‟s



voice.





“Yes he……… he did. He raped me, I think several times, but



I was unconscious so my only indication was the pain I feel. Is



that important?”





“Yes it is. We should take you in for a rape kit. I know of



a great OBGYN. She will be discreet and very understanding. In



fact she was the one who delivered you and Jonathan.”





“Dixie? I have always liked her. I haven‟t showered either



because I was in such a hurry to leave. That should help right?”



Kat took a deep breath to calm her frazzled nerves, and knew



that Jenny would know.





“Oh honey, yes that should help, especially if he didn‟t



use protection. Are you okay? Do you need anything?” Jenny



asked, her concern evident in her voice. “Dixie will be able to



tell you everything you need to know.”

“I am okay; let‟s just get this over with. If you think I



should see Dixie than let‟s do that. The sooner, the better.”





“Let me go call her and tell your uncle that we are going



out. We can get pictures of your bruises while we are there. A



police officer will have to come to take the pictures and to get



the results of the rape kit. If you aren‟t ready to do that just



say so and we will work something out.” She took a breath, “Do



you mind if I let Matt call your Mom?”





“Go ahead I guess. He will know what to say and when.”





Kat laid down on the bed and her face filled with emotion. Grief



and sorrow almost dripped out of her eyes as the intensity of



her feelings overwhelmed her. She was just going to close her



eyes for a minute, to relieve her headache and escape. Before



she had even settled in she was fast asleep.









Matt looked up as his wife entered the room. He was amazed



at how beautiful she was, even in a horrible situation. They had



been married for so long that he sometimes forgot to look at her



closely. He could see from her expression that things were worse



than he thought. Matt prepared himself for more bad news.





“Is everything okay? Was it bad?”

“Well she is pretty sure he raped her, repeatedly, so I



didn‟t look at her bruises yet. I am saving that for later after



a rape kit gets performed.” Jenny stated. He could tell she was



trying to keep her fury at Chris in check.





“Rape?” Matt asked, feeling his own rage grow in leaps and



bounds. “You mean he raped her after she found out her father



had died in a horrible freak accident?”





“Yes. I think that and losing her father so suddenly is



what forced her to leave and made sure that Washington was her



destination.”





“Do you think she is okay?” He felt anxious. She needed to



be protected and defended. Joel would want it, even expect it



from him.





“I do. She is shaky right now and Joel‟s death has hit her



hard. I think she is confused. She is dealing with her grief on



the one hand and on the other her fear of Chris and her relief



at getting away from him is overwhelming her. She is being so



strong. I know she hasn‟t said it but she has to be scared he



will come after her. I am going to take her to Dixie.”





“For the rape kit?” Matt asked solemnly. He was so scared



for Kaitlyn, for everything she would have to face in the coming



days and months.

“Yes. We want everything documented.” Jenny said quietly.



“You might want to call and warn Anna. Kat gave permission for



that. She figured you might know better what to say.”





“I will, let me know what Dixie says.” Matt said, sounding



very paternal.





“Yep. Kat said you are the only father she has left; I



think she will tell you everything. She was just embarrassed



about the rape and worried you would think less of her.” Jenny



stated. Matt admired how she intuitively knew what Kat was



thinking.





“What do I do for her? What would Joel do?” He asked,



sorrow in his voice, desperately wishing his friend was here.





“Just listen when she needs you; that‟s what Joel would



say, and I agree.”





Jenny walked out of the room to make the arrangements and



get ready to go, leaving Matt to his thoughts. He felt his heart



break as he thought of all Kaitlyn must have experienced. Matt



realized that he was thankful Joel wouldn‟t be around to hear



about his daughter‟s torture. It would have destroyed and



enraged him and where protecting his family was concerned he



hadn‟t been known to keep a cool head. As Matt picked up the



phone to make another difficult call to his best friend‟s wife

he hoped Anna would handle Kaitlyn‟s situation with the same



amazing strength she handled most everything else.

Chapter Five









Kat sat swaddled in a thin cloth jumper. She had a blanket



wrapped around her and only her eyes could be seen. The rape kit



had been done. Pictures had been taken of her bruises and she



had given a statement to the doctor and to the police who would



get the restraining order taken care of. Jenny had left the room



to get Kaitlyn some more water so that her bladder would be full



for the ultrasound.





Kat could not help being excited at the very thought of



that. Her exam had given her one surprising result. She was



pregnant. The news was stunning. She was on birth control. Kids



were one thing Chris had refused to discuss so he was very



careful to protect against it. After what had happened and this

discovery she had been even more about getting the restraining



order. Now it wasn‟t just her life on the line.





Under the excitement was a thick layer of terror. During



the beating Chris had been so brutal. Her stomach had been



bruised so badly that she was shocked she hadn‟t ruptured



anything. Add the fact that on top of her bruises he had carved



his name so deeply and she was almost frozen at the thought that



he had damaged the baby.





The ultrasound would be able to tell exactly how far along



she was and Dixie would be able to make sure the baby was doing



fine. After the total brutality of the past couple days it was



pretty amazing to even find out she was pregnant and she felt a



sliver of fear creep in as she began to already love the life



inside of her and worry for its safety.





Kat also felt drained. She had not expected the evasiveness



of the rape exam and it left her feeling weak and vulnerable.



The police said that it was necessary. They told her that any



evidence gathered would make it harder for him to come after her



or her baby. Kat knew that she would do whatever it took to keep



her child safe. Despite whom its father was this baby was a part



of her. She knew that she would die for it if she had to.

As the door opened she felt a new wave of energy course



through her. She was going to see her baby. Her aunt gave her a



cup of water and she gulped it down thirstily. The humiliation



she had endured had led to this moment. Her child was growing



inside her and already it was the most important thing in her



life.





“How are you doing honey?” Jenny asked softly. Kat could



hear how worried Jenny was and she wanted to comfort her. She



let her excitement fill her body so that it would be visible in



her eyes.





When Kaitlyn looked up she knew Jenny was surprised to see



the glow spreading through her cheeks. She knew the radiant look



in her eyes gave Jenny more hope than she had even thought



possible through this whole ordeal. Kat had found something to



look forward to, something to give her hope, and knew Jenny



couldn‟t have been happier for her.





“I am great Aunt Jenny. Can you believe that I am going to



be a mother? Do you think I will be able to do it as well as you



and Mom did?” Kaitlyn asked with worry in her voice.





“Of course you are. You will do an even better job than we



did. It can get hard, don‟t get me wrong, but even the tough

times are worth so much.” Jenny stated. “Besides your mama and I



will be there for you.”





“But what if something is wrong? What if I lose the baby? I



can‟t believe that after all Chris did to me and how hard he hit



me a baby would be okay through that.”





“Honey your body is made to be the most amazing place for a



baby to grow. Amniotic fluid cushions that little guy from so



much. I have seen some women stay pregnant farther along and



through some more physically traumatic things than this. Yes you



went through a lot but all baby would have registered was a



gentle rocking if that. You are probably so early along that



things are super well protected inside.”





Kat took a deep breath in relief. If anyone would know if



she should worry it would be Jenny. Before she could ask any



more questions the door opened again and Dixie walked in. She



was older than Jenny and Anna. Dixie had been the one to deliver



Kat and that gave her comfort. Dixie has short black hair that



she kept spiky and chic. Her height rivaled that of Jenny‟s and



it made Kaitlyn feel small. Her face was showing her age with



small crow‟s feet at her eyes. Dixie carried them with



confidence though. She made you feel that she would not ever let



anything happen and that if it did she could handle it. Her form

was slender and athletic and Dixie walked with a frenzied grace.



Her smile was huge as she tried to put Kat and Jenny at ease.





“Let‟s see this baby of yours.” Dixie said, and smiled as



Kat flinched from the cold jelly being applied to her skin.



Dixie ran the probe over Kaitlyn‟s belly and the screen filled



with a moving, shivering image. As the image was magnified Kat



sat in amazed silence watching the little figure shift and the



pump of a tiny heart.





“It looks like you are already through your first



trimester. About twelve weeks I‟d say.” Dixie said, smiling.





“Really? But I had normal periods, I think. My cycle never



seemed to change at all.” Kaitlyn stated, perplexed. “I admit



though I don‟t keep track really. I am on the pill but I tend to



have pretty light periods so they aren‟t big on my radar.”





“Some women do have what seems like a period in the first



stages of pregnancy. My guess was that you bled when the baby



implanted in your uterus. You should start to show soon. The



baby has arms and legs, eyes, ears, a nose and a mouth. It is



about 6 cm long and growing all the time. Do you see the little



pounding spot? That is the heart. Your baby has a great



heartbeat.”

“So is everything fine?” Jenny asked softly. Kat was



grateful that her aunt knew that she needed a lot of reassurance



and support.





“Everything looks great. That is a strong baby you have.



Don‟t worry.” Dixie said with confidence. “Do you want to hear



the heart for yourself?”





“Oh yes, can I?” Kaitlyn felt excited and anxious. She knew



that hearing the heartbeat would confirm that the baby really



was there.





“Sure you can.” Dixie turned a little knob and a fast bomp-



bomp filled the room.





“Is it normal for it to be so fast?” Awe filled her voice,



her body warming with each little beat. This was her baby, her



child. It was a piece of her as nothing else had ever been and



Kat finally understood everything her mother felt. She had been



so stupid. Her mother should be here. She had shut out one of



the only people who loved her beyond reason. She ached to make



it right and decided in that moment to go straight to Anna.





“Yep. Everything looks and sounds great. Come back in four



weeks and we will do another exam. Until then get some sleep.



Exercise when you feel up to it. Under the circumstances some



stress is unavoidable but try to keep it down. Eat well because

you are eating for two. See you soon if you don‟t have any



questions.” Dixie finished out of breath.





“I think you answered everything for me. Aunt Jenny?”





“Me too. Thanks for seeing her on such short notice.” Jenny



said.





“No problem. See you in a month.” The doctor rushed out of



the room, looking like her mind was on her next patient.





Kat could not believe that this was real. She was dazed as



she looked at the pictures Dixie had printed out for her. This



was her baby. She thought of her mother and her eyes filled. She



desperately wanted Anna. Her old insecurities began to rise in



her throat, suffocating her. Would she hate Kaitlyn? Would she



rub it in that she had been right? Kat could feel the anxiety



and looked at her aunt, silently pleading for support.





Kat‟s hopes were proven right as Jenny said, “Honey your



mom loves you. She will be there for you, I promise. Just give



her a chance otherwise you will never know.”





“Did Uncle Matt tell her what was going on?”





“Yes he was going to call her after we left. She needed to



know, Kaitlyn.” Jenny said looking sheepish.

“That‟s okay. I figured one of you would call her. Do you



think we could go to the house now? I am ready to face her.”





Kaitlyn pushed her nervousness aside and got dressed so



that she could go to her mother. She could not help the hope



that filled her soul. Anna would know exactly what to do. She



chuckled as she realized she had to be pregnant, her emotions



were a rollercoaster. One moment happy, the next nervous, and



the next scared to death. At least her moods could be explained.









The car glided to a stop in front of her parent‟s house.



Kaitlyn loved this house. Anna had designed it to give the kids



lots of room to play. They had horses and dogs all the time. Kat



had experienced her first real kiss on the huge wraparound porch



after her freshman homecoming. Every nook and cranny held a



precious memory; the majority of them included their father.



Joel had always been the center of the family. Kat‟s heart hurt



as she thought of her father. Her chin started to quiver as she



tried to hold back tears.





“Are you okay sweetie? Do you want me to come in?” Jenny



asked, thinking the emotion on Kaitlyn‟s face was dread.

“I‟m okay Aunt Jenny. You can get home to Matt. I think I



should see my mother alone.”





As Kat got out of the car the door opened. Her mother



stood in the doorway. Kat was shocked at how small Anna looked.



She took a tentative step toward the house and her mom ran out



the door and swept Kat into her arms. Kaitlyn had been waiting



for this hug all of her life. They sobbed against each other,



treasuring the great gift of finding each other again.





Without speaking they walked into the house, forgetting



everything but catching up. She let her mother lead her into the



family room and gently push her onto the couch. She watched as



her mother went to the kitchen and got some cookies and



chocolate milk. That had always been their comfort food. She



watched Anna place everything on a tray and come back into the



main room. Anna put the tray on the coffee table and sat down;



grasping Kaitlyn‟s shaking hand in her own.





“I love you baby. I am proud of you no matter what is going



on in your life. I am so glad that you are here” Anna told her



daughter. Kat heard all the love in her mother‟s voice.





Kat let out a breath that she did not even know she was



holding. Knowing that her mother still loved her lifted a weight



off of her shoulders. She felt more peace than she had ever

expected to feel flood her veins. She felt a new life beginning



and it was amazing. It was still tinged with sadness and an ache



only Joel could fill but it was still amazing.





“I have so much to tell you, Mama.”





“Tell me only what you want to. There is no pressure



kitten.” Anna stated, using Kaitlyn‟s childhood nickname.





“Mom I know Uncle Matt called and I am not quite ready to



go over all of it again. Suffice it to say that I left Chris and



want a divorce.”





“I support any decision that you make. How was Dixie?”





“Oh, it went great. I got a pretty exciting bit of news



during my exam. I am pregnant.” As she saw excitement, hope,



worry, and fear slide across her mother‟s face she hurried on.



“The baby is fine and I am already entering my second trimester.



The rape and beating are documented by Dixie and the police and



a restraining order is in the works with a temporary protective



order already in effect.” Kaitlyn said, the reality of it all



hitting her with the force of a bus. She was free.





“I am glad that you are safe. We will call Vanessa Miller



tomorrow. She has been my attorney for years and she sometimes



will handle divorce cases. She is the best lawyer in the



country. I think she will handle it with a minimum of fuss.”

Having an attorney‟s name was oddly comforting. Kaitlyn



remembered Vanessa. The lawyer had come out to the house when



Anna had been sick to help her meet a deadline and had come for



vacations ever since. The first time they met Kat had been



seventeen and very wrapped up in her own life but she had liked



Vanessa very much. She had seemed to really care about Anna.





“That sounds great, Mom. So… how do you feel about being a



grandmother?” Kaitlyn spoke softly to her mother hoping for more



reassurance. When had she become so scared and insecure? Kaitlyn



was frustrated with herself. She knew that her mother would be



awesome about everything.





“I am so excited. You should stay with me and turn your old



room into a nursery. You can make the guest room your bedroom



since they are right next to each other.”





Kat felt like this baby was a new beginning for them and



she could not help the tingle of anticipation running through



her veins. Suddenly Kat jumped up and ran from the room. She



heard Anna come after her and hated that she was making her



mother worry. She entered the bathroom and fell to her knees,



slamming the toilet seat up. She was definitely pregnant.

Chapter Six









Christopher McClain pulled into his driveway as dawn rose



on the mountains and knew instantly that his wife had disobeyed



him. Her car was gone and the front door of his house was left



wide open. He slammed a fist into the dash hard enough to split



his knuckles open and let the sting sooth him.





Obviously staying with Tanya so long had been a mistake. He



had hoped spending time with his mistress would make him feel



better after his fight with Kaitlyn. Losing his temper like that



made him feel so weak. Even now he felt the rage boiling up



again as his little slut of a wife proved to be just as bad as



his mother had been.





He forced himself to calmly walk into the house knowing



that his neighbor‟s nosey ways demanded he stay restrained. She



would be back. They always come back. His mind slid back to the

bitch that had created him. She had come back and in the end she



had died because of it.





His mother had spent all his life coming and going. She



would disappear for months at a time and then show up again as



if she had never left. Finally when he was eight she had come



home after the longest absence ever and she stank of alcohol and



drugs. He had hid in his parent‟s bedroom closet to watch



through the slats of the doors as his parents fought.





His mother stood with her long blonde hair flowing down her



back. Her clothes were too small and there were spots all over



her arms. Despite that he still found her pretty.





“Damn it Dawn, where have you been? You have some kind of



nerve coming back here again after you took all our savings and



ran off with another man. This time I knew the guy. Mike was my



best friend.” His father was pacing at the foot of their bed as



if unable to be contained.





“Yeah, well some best friend.” She flung her hair to the



side and crawled onto the bed. “I missed you Zack. I missed



Christopher. You know I couldn‟t stay away.”





He turned to his wife and sneered, “Missed me? Missed



Chris? Honey a bear would have been a better mother to that boy.



All you do is lie and cheat and take my money and then like the

snake you are you slither back looking for more. Well I‟m done.



I want a divorce.”





“You aren‟t getting one. You owe me. I carried that brat



for nine months. I put up with your crazy hours and took care of



that kid alone for ages. You owe me and I am going nowhere until



I am good and ready,” As she had yelled she rose up on her knees



on the bed and started to strip. “Now forget this divorce talk



and come here. You owe me more than just money Zack.”





Zack pushed her back in disgust. “Not this time. Chris



deserves better than a lying tramp for a mother. He deserves



someone stronger than a father who keeps taking that mother



back. If I had been smart I would have moved a long time ago but



I didn‟t. I am weak and my weakness will destroy us both.”





Then before Chris could blink his father had pulled out his



old handgun and shot his mother on the bed where she lay and



then he shot himself in the head. Chris learned two lessons in



that moment. All women were lying, deceiving sluts who needed to



be taught the right way to live. He also learned that real men



were never weak.





As he walked into his own bedroom his mind slammed back to



the present. He immediately saw that all of Kaitlyn‟s clothes



were gone and the control on his temper shattered. With a roar

of rage he swept his arm down the length of the dresser, sending



perfume bottles flying and the mirror propped on top skidding to



the floor. He worked his rage out by destroying every piece of



furniture he could find and was only called back to the moment



by the ringing of his doorbell.





He took a moment to pull himself together before he went to



the door. Knowing women it was probably Kaitlyn already



regretting her mistake and home to beg for his forgiveness.





Instead when he opened the door he found a county sheriff‟s



deputy. “Are you Christopher McClain?”





“Yes I am.”





The deputy handed him an envelope and asked for his



signature. “You are hereby served with an temporary order of



protection keeping you from being within 100 yards of your wife,



Kaitlyn Stuart McClain, at all times. If you violate this order



you will be arrested. A hearing to discuss a permanent order of



protection is being held in Washington State in two weeks time



and you have the right to be there and argue against this



filing. If you do not attend the order will be granted. Have a



good day sir.”

Chris had barely digested the words before the deputy was



pulling out of the drive. He opened the envelope and his vision



went red. She would pay.









Jon was exhausted. He had spent the morning dealing with



the autopsy and release of Joel Stuart‟s body. They had found



that when the rock crushed Joel he had broke his back and become



paralyzed from the neck down and had lost consciousness. In some



ways that relieved Jon‟s mind. It meant that Joel had not felt



any pain, that he had not suffered. Jon knew that this



information would give Anna and his parent‟s some peace. They



desperately needed something to comfort them.





He wished that he knew of a way to console Alex. Jon



understood that anger was an important stage of grief. He now



even understood why the fury pouring from his young cousin had



been almost instantaneous upon hearing about Joel‟s accident. It



was directed more at himself than at his father but that level



of rage was incredibly destructive. Alex was heading down a very



dangerous path and Jon had no idea about how to save him.





Alex was not the only Stuart family member to occupy Jon‟s



mind as he went back to his desk for an afternoon lunch. Kaitlyn



had to be suffering. He wished that there was something he could

do for her but was afraid to call. He did not know what to say,



or how she would deal with hearing from him on top of all the



rest of the worries in her life.





His cell vibrated in his pocket, startling him out of his



thoughts and memories. He smiled when he realized it was his



father, and took a moment to compose himself so as not to upset



Matt with the morbid and disturbing thoughts racing through his



brain.





“Hey Pop. How are you this afternoon?” He asked, hoping



that he sounded cheerful enough. His father needed happy



thoughts and comforting.





“Hey son. When do you get off of work? Your mother and I



need some advice.”





Concern shot to his brain like a lightning strike. His



parents were both very capable people and they never asked him



for advice unless it was a crime question. “Another hour. I need



to file some paperwork to make sure Joel gets released to the



right crematorium when the time comes.” Jon instantly regretted



his big mouth and hoped that little fact did not distress his



father.

“Thanks for handling that for Anna. I know that it means a



lot.” Matt clearly had something else bothering him and Jon



could not help the anxiety soaking his system like water.





“I‟ll come by as soon as I am off.”





“Thanks. Hey son, could you get a hold of a gun for me and



bring it over?”





It was so unlike his father to make a request like this.



For one he had a decent collection of his own in a safe at home.



Plus he had a friend who owned a gunsmith shop. To ask him meant



that he was distracted and that there was more to the story.



“Dad, why do you need me to get you a gun? You have most every



caliber known to man.”





“I will explain when you get here. Can you get it or not?”



Jon heard the impatience that laced Matt‟s voice.





“Yeah Dad, I‟ll bring it by. I can stop by Adam Stevens‟



shop. Any specific gun in mind?” Jon started to fear that his



father was going to hurt someone or himself over the guilt he



felt at Joel‟s death. His father could usually face anything but



now his mind seemed to have moved away from dealing with the



death of his best friend.





Somehow Matt must have sensed what he was thinking. “Jon, I



am okay. I have found something to do for Joel to help all of

us. I won‟t be hurting myself or anyone. I promise. I think a



.38 or a 9mm should work perfectly.” Matt disconnected before he



could ask any more questions.





Jon let out a sigh of thanksgiving. He had known, in his



gut that his father was not suicidal or homicidal but it had



lifted a weight off of his chest to have his father reaffirm his



belief. Whatever Matt wanted a weapon for Jon knew it had to be



a good reason.





Jon finished the paper work and dropped it off to the



computer department to be entered into the police database. He



then gathered his things and went to his cruiser. His black



interior gleamed from frequent upkeep. He loved his car, even if



it was not actually his but the departments. He felt his vehicle



was a reward for being such an outstanding cop.





He stopped at the gun shop and bought a small .38 caliber



snub nosed revolver as well as several boxes of ammunition. He



brought the paper work with him and the paperwork for a permit



to carry concealed. It was against procedure but he knew his



captain would back him up since he knew Jon‟s father very well.

Jon pulled up at his parent‟s house trying to make the



apprehension leave his belly. He knew in his heart that



everything was okay and that his father had a good reason for



needing a gun but his mind registered nothing but dread. There



was something else going on.





He walked up to the house and felt so grateful that his



family was whole. He immediately hated himself for the thought.



His parent‟s had lost the closest friend that they had and the



Stuart family had been cruelly ripped apart. He knew that Alex



and Kaitlyn had to be going through hell and he could not



imagine all that they were feeling. He vowed to be the best son



he could be and to treasure his family.





The door opened and his mother was silhouetted against the



night. If Jon had no idea who he was seeing he would have to



breath deep to quell the rushing of his heart. She was



beautiful. Her shape still rivaled that of a woman half of her



age. Jon was so proud to have her for a mother. As he entered



the house he swept Jenny into his arms.





“Mother, did you know that you are breathtaking?”





Jenny blushed prettily. “Thank you Jon. I am glad you think



so.”

“He isn‟t the only man in your life to find you



irresistible.” Matt called from the couch, where he sat drinking



a cup of after dinner coffee.





His father looked better than Jon had expected. Something



must have occurred to give his father reason to go on. Whatever



it was he was so thankful to see a glow in his father‟s cheeks.



He sat down and hugged his father making Matt grunt in surprise.





“What is that for?” Matt asked in wonder. Jon had never



been to into physical displays with his father and he knew his



father was curious at the change.





“I just wanted to give my dad a hug. Is that okay?”





“Sure, just don‟t make it a habit.” Matt teased his son.



Jon knew Matt was trying to hide the emotion welling in his soul



by the misty look in his eyes. He was so grateful for his family



and their love.





“Well dad I brought you a gun and the paper work to



register it and carry concealed, just in case. Was there any



particular reason you wanted it?”





“Son I think that you need to sit down. I have news about



Kat and we need your help.”

The worst ran through his head and he felt his heart break.



If something had happened to Kat he did not know what he would



do. Probably run straight to Virginia and make Chris sorry for



not protecting her. He tried to calm his rapid breathing as he



realized his father had not finished telling him the news.



Please don‟t make it too bad. He realized then that he still



loved her. He hated how ignorant he had been. He had taken her



for granted. Jon realized now that it was fear. Fear of her not



feeling the same way. Fear of commitment. Even a bit of fear



that he might not be deserving of her.





“Jon, Kaitlyn came here not long after you left this



morning. She was tired, hurt and scared. It seems that Chris is



the asshole we all thought. He abused her pretty badly after I



called.”





“Are we talking he yelled at her or he hit her?” Jon asked



feeling the rage flow through him like a potent drug, knowing



that either was horrible to go through.





“He hit, yelled, and raped her. He tortured her almost



constantly from my call until she left this morning. I think he



manipulated her for years though I am not sure how much of that



she sees. She needs constant reassurance and love. She also



needs to feel safe. That is why I wanted a gun. I want you to



teach her how to protect herself so that no one hurts her again.

She took her hunter‟s safety but that was a long time ago and I



am sure she could use some instruction.”





Jon was stunned at the feelings that poured into his body.



He was angry. More angry than he had ever been in his life. He



hated feeling that he had let her down. He understood that he



had opened the chasm that separated them but somehow he blamed



himself. If he had kept his mouth shut and remained Kaitlyn‟s



friend maybe he would have recognized the signals. Maybe he



would have been able to save her from experiencing what no women



should ever have to deal with.





“Son, there is nothing that we could have done. The



physical abuse just started. You know she would never put up



with being hit. He was a smart asshole. He knew that we would



catch on so he isolated her, he would have completely cut us out



of her life if he could have gotten away with it. All we can do



now is make sure he can never get near her again.” Jon heard the



rage that seethed into Matt‟s voice and knew it was felt by



everyone in the room.





“I will do everything I can. Has a report been filed with



the police? Has she seen a doctor?” He asked, trying to let go



of the emotion slamming his system, but finding the task



impossible. She deserved better.

“Yes and Yes. You need to know something else son. She is



pregnant. About twelve weeks according to her doctor. The baby



is fine and healthy.”





Kaitlyn was pregnant. With her abuser‟s child. Jon did not



know how she was standing it. He knew Kat would be a good mother



but he worried that she would see and think of Chris every time



she looked at her child. He knew that she could handle it all,



that she would find her strength and grasp it with both hands,



making a good life for her and her baby far away from that jerk.



He just hated that she even had to.





“Does she know that you are talking to me about this? We



did not leave our friendship on spectacular terms, and I don‟t



want anything to upset her more if I can help it.”





“She will know. I called and talked to Anna after I had



called you. She thinks having a gun around for Kat is a great



idea, if she had something in their safe that she thought would



work she would have given it to Kaitlyn already. I think Kat is



afraid. She doesn‟t want to think of a situation in which she



might have to use it. This whole situation scares her.” Matt



explained.

It struck Jon that this might make things with Alex worse.



The teen had idolized Chris almost as much as he had his father.



“Does Alex know yet?”





“No, he hasn‟t come home. He seems to be ignoring his



cell.”





“I know. He won‟t return my calls. I am concerned that this



may make him completely lose it. He and Chris were close. They



talked pretty regularly and I am afraid he will need a lot of



help dealing with this new development.” Jon shuttered as he



thought of the fine line that Alex was already walking in his



anger and how easy it would be for him to fall off of the edge



into destructive anger.





“We will cross that bridge when we get there.” Jenny said,



speaking for the first time. “Right now we want to know how to



help Kaitlyn. You have more experience with this sort of thing



that we do.”





All the lessons taught to him in his monthly classes came



rushing back to him. He was suddenly glad that he had gone. The



department gave classes on abuse or addiction frequently so that



the officers would know how to deal with any situation.





“Kat already took the first steps in ensuring her physical



safety. She left and she made a report to the police. A

mandatory protective order has gone into effect and Chris has no



legal choice but to follow the rules. The gun and training and



some self-defense courses will help to empower her. She needs



counseling for her mental safety. Being pregnant and having all



the raging hormones that entails will make it difficult but she



needs to learn that she was not at fault. She also needs to make



herself feel like less of a victim.” Jon told his parents. He



hoped that the entire family would band together in support of



Kaitlyn, but he worried that Alex would make everything worse.





“As soon as you are ready we should go over to the Stuart‟s



house and talk to Kat.” Jon said, forcing the nervousness out of



his voice. God he missed her.





“Can we do it in the morning?” Jenny asked as she helped



Matt to stand up. “We should let Anna, Kat, and Alex spend some



time together.”





Jon mentally cleared his schedule. “Sure Mom, tomorrow



morning is great.”





Instinctively Jon knew that Kat would get through this. He



would make sure of it. “I really think Alex might be more of a



concern than you know though. Anna asked me to bring you the



business papers Joel had in his home office to you and I found

something that explains his attitude. Let me grab it, I forgot



it in the car.”





He took the few moments it took to retrieve the file of



papers to organize his thoughts. Alex was a teenager and so



angry and volatile already. Jon knew that the teen would never



intentionally hurt his sister or his mother but he was most



likely running on anger and adrenaline and that always ended in



destructive behavior. He couldn‟t help but wish he had thought



to grab the plate number of the car he has seen Alex rush off in



that morning. Knowing who he was spending his time with might



give everyone some indication of where his mind was going.





Jon handed the file to his curious father. “All the papers



are business related except for the top. I didn‟t want Anna to



find it and I thought maybe Joel had talked to you or that



hearing about it from you would be better than just stumbling on



it one day when she felt like going through the room.”





Matt read the paper quietly with Jenny reading over his



shoulder. He hated seeing his mother‟s eyes fill with tears she



seemed to refuse to shed. Finally both of his parents sat back



and looked at him.





Matt sighed, “I had hoped they had talked.”





Jenny looked at him, “You knew about this?”

“Sure. Joel asked me what he should do. I said that he



needed to take Alex aside and just talk to him again and he



needed to remember to keep his temper in check. It was important



to make sure he wasn‟t making Alex live his dreams. He needed to



let the kid live his own dreams. He said he would think about



it.”





Jon rubbed his hands through his hair as he leaned back



against the sofa back. “I really doubt that conversation



happened. Alex is so angry and seems to get angrier by the



minute. I think that adding this crap with Chris might send him



into a place none of us wants to go.”





“Honey we can‟t take this to Anna right now. After the



services for Joel and all the family leaves if Alex is still



behaving like this we will talk to her but I know she is



focusing on Kat and just getting through fulfilling Joel‟s last



wishes,” Jenny said softly.





Jon would follow his parents lead in this. They knew Anna



best. Still he couldn‟t help but worry that putting it off meant



things were going to get a whole lot worse before they got



better where Alex was concerned and that meant more trouble for



Kat. He would just have to make sure he was around to help in



every way she would allow him to.

Chapter Seven









Jon ran hard; his feet beat hit the pavement in a steady



staccato, the rhythm matching the racing of his thoughts. He had



waked this morning after a night of tossing. His dreams had been



filled with Kaitlyn.





Even now she was all he could think about. After he had



left his parents he hadn‟t been able to resist going in to the



station and looking up the police report on her attack. Each



word of her statement painted such an agonizing picture. The



initial fight, being tied up, the cutting and burns, the rape.



His initial reaction had been to be stunned that she had come



out of it without losing her mind. Then he remembered her



strength. When other girls had shuddered and turned away she had



run into the fight.

He smiled now as he rounded a corner and remembered a



specific time when she had proven she wasn‟t a typical girl.



They were all on a hunt and the boys and men had all got up



before the sun came up to begin the trek into the mountains to



look for deer. Jon had finally been invited to participate and



he remembered being so excited. He was getting his things



together and trying to be helpful when who should come up to the



group but a tiny Kaitlyn dressed in full camo and carrying a



small pink bow. He had been shocked to learn that even though



they weren‟t living in Washington at the time she had been



hunting with Joel many times before and had already tagged her



first deer.





He slowed down as he hit the last hill knowing his favorite



coffee spot on the edge of town was over the next rise. Not



wanting to be out of breath he slowed to a walk. Knowing Kat



wasn‟t the usual girl gave him a lot of comfort but didn‟t do



anything to ease the worry or anger. Jon hated the idea that



someone had abused her like that when they were supposed to love



and protect and cherish her.





As he walked up to Coffee Fiend he couldn‟t help but notice



the tiny blond hiding against the wall, tears pouring down her



face. She couldn‟t have been much older than Alex and that and



the cop instinct had him stopping and crouching down.

“Hey kiddo. Are you okay?” Jon tried to keep his voice



gentle and soft hoping he wouldn‟t startle the young woman.





Furious blue eyes looked at him, “I‟m not a fucking kid.”





“Okay. I just thought I‟d check. I‟ll leave you alone.”



Knowing you can‟t force help on someone even a teenager he stood



to go inside when she called out to him.





“Wait. You‟re Alex‟s cop right?”





He had obviously been right about her age. “If you mean



Alex Stuart then yes I am.”





“Then you need to know some things. He needs help. Like



serious help.”





Jon felt dread build in his stomach. His thoughts had been



so taken over by Kaitlyn that he had almost forgotten his



worries for Alex. “What do you mean he needs help?”





She messily swiped at her eyes and nose with the sleeve of



her grungy black hoody. He could tell that beneath the tears she



was beautiful and probably very much Alex‟s type. “Well he



called me to come to some party tonight. He has never done that



before but I knew how tore up he has been over his dad so I



went.”

“Okay. Can I ask your name? I know I have seen you before



but I just can‟t seem to remember your name.”





“Oh, yeah, right. I‟m Alex‟s girlfriend Dani. Danielle



Mason. Or I thought I was his girlfriend.”





With those words the tears began to flow again. Obviously



being a teenager hadn‟t changed much but he hoped it was normal



stupidity and nothing major. Most teenage girls had been drama



queens in his days and he hoped things hadn‟t changed. That ball



of fear in the pit of his stomach worried things were different



with this girl though.





“Okay. What happened?” He sat down next to her against the



wall. He knew that listening to what she had to say was the most



important thing he had to do in that moment.





“It was a PARTY party. With this guy named Todd. Todd Smart



is the biggest druggie in school. The guy is never sober in



class if he even bothers to show up. I didn‟t know they were



even friends. When I got there Alex was so drunk. He could



barely stand. I‟ve never seen him like that. His eyes were



everywhere. I think he was high too.”





“Are you sure?” Jon asked. He hoped she was wrong but he



also wasn‟t surprised.

Dani rolled her eyes, “Yeah I‟m sure. I know what drunk



looks like. He was out of it. He was all over me and when I



wouldn‟t have any of it he was all over some other girls. He



pretty much had sex with them with me in the room and it was



like I was stuck. I wanted to leave but I couldn‟t.”





Jon knew where the anger came from that had spawned the



crappy behavior but still it didn‟t lessen his frustration. Alex



knew better. He had been raised better. Anna and Joel rarely



drank and when they did they were very responsible about it.



They taught both of their kids to be smart and to make good



choices. He knew Joel would be so upset to see Alex like this.





“I remember the feeling. It‟s almost like a car wreck. You



know you shouldn‟t look but you have to anyway,” Jon tried to



smile and comfort the girl beside him. “Thanks for telling me.



We‟ve all been worried about him. I promise I will do something



about this.”





Dani smiled at him as they both climbed to their feet.



“Thanks. He may be a jerk but I love him.”





Before he could respond to her declaration she had dashed



off into the rising light. He couldn‟t help but chuckle at the



mood swings of girls. As she dashed out of sight his mind



settled back onto Alex. Obviously his fears had been on target.

The kid was acting out and in ways that could end very badly for



him. Jon walked into the store knowing he had to do something to



fix things. Anna and Kat didn‟t need to worry about Alex on top



of everything else.









The front door slammed shut making Kat jerk awake. She had



spent the night on the couch waiting for her brother and trying



to ease her mother‟s fears. She stayed still letting her nausea



pass despite wanting to hug her brother.





“Alex, where on earth have you been?” Anna asked. Kat could



tell she was trying to keep the panic she had felt out of her



voice. Last night would have been unimaginably hard on her



mother if Kat had not been there. Her father was gone and her



brother had decided to stay out all night without even calling



for the first time ever. It had taken every ounce of strength



that she could muster to convince Anna not to call the police.



Somehow she knew that Alex needed time alone to process his



loss, and deal with his anger and pain.





Anna softly continued. “We needed you to be here last



night.”

“Whose we? It is just you mom. Dad is gone, remember. You



were alone.” The heartless words flew out of his mouth and Kat‟s



body jerked with the scorn dripping from his voice.





“Hey baby brother! Where were you? I missed my brother and



you weren‟t here.” Kaitlyn said as she sat up on the couch,



pulling her legs beneath her to make room for Alex to sit down,



her voice showing more enthusiasm than her body. She somehow



sensed that he needed some cheerful support in his life.





“Kaitlyn? Is it really you?”





“Who else could call you baby brother and get away with



it?”





Alex looked around anxiously and she knew he was searching



for Chris. He would want his brother-in-law because everyone



knew Chris would understand his anger. “Where is Chris?”





Kat saw how Alex‟s words shot into their mother‟s eyes like



arrows to a target. She watched him jerk as he noticed the



bruises on her face.





“Kat, are you hurt? What‟s going on?” he asked. She could



tell he was trying to keep the terror out of his voice. She



wasn‟t used to so much emotion on his face and in his voice.



Granted the only face time they had managed had been via webcam



but she had still seen his mannerisms enough to know he was

acting hyper sensitive and very jumpy. She dreaded telling him



her news. His world had already shattered enough, hadn‟t it?





“Come into the living room after you get cleaned up. We



need to talk,” Anna stated quietly, saving her from having to



tell him yet.





“Let‟s just get it over with. I want to know what is going



on,” Alex demanded.





Kaitlyn had a thoughtful expression on her face. She knew



that Alex would suffer for Chris‟ sins and she hated it. Anna



had told her about his anger and Kat was afraid that this would



make matters worse. Seeing him now she could picture Alex



hitting his breaking point and his tender grip on reality



shattering like a carelessly held glass. Not that he was crazy



or anything, but she knew anger was a hard life to choose and it



made everything seem different, worse than it was, brighter,



tougher, meaner.





Kat pulled Alex on to the couch so that she sat beside him.



She gripped his hand as she told him, as gently as possible,



that his idol was not much of a man to look up too. “Chris isn‟t



here and he won‟t be coming. He and I are getting a divorce.”

Alex looked horrified. “A divorce? Why? We don‟t believe in



divorce except under extreme circumstances,” he pleaded. She



hated to see the anguish in his eyes.





His expression reminded Kat of when he was a child and they



had to put a horse down after it got incurably sick. The anguish



was the same then as it was now and Kaitlyn wanted to kiss it



better, just as she had done then.





“He was not the man I thought he was. He became abusive and



he beat me. I couldn‟t stay around for more of it.” Kat hoped



her explanation soothed him.





It didn‟t. “You‟re lying. I know Chris. He loves you so



much. Remember how he asked me if it was okay if he dated you?



He even asked me how I felt before he proposed. He would never



hit you. Not ever,” he wailed, sounding more like a little, lost



boy than the young man he was.





“He did, baby. She has the bruises to prove it,” Anna tried



unsuccessfully to placate him. “She is also pregnant. She can‟t



stay with a man like that and risk her child and I know you



wouldn‟t want her to.”





“It doesn‟t make any sense. Chris loves kids. Why would he



hurt her over them having a baby? Babies are supposed to be good



for a family.” Alex winced and Kaitlyn knew he had heard the

sound of his voice. He sounded so young and she knew he hated



it. “Show me. I want to see these so called marks. You could



have gotten the bruises on your cheeks from anything.”





Kaitlyn stood and turned away from him. She lifted her



shirt to show him her back.





“Oh man, did Chris really do all that?” he asked as he saw



the color of her body. Her back was like a sick rainbow. Greens



and yellows melted into sickly blues and blacks, and she saw him



shutter at the pain she must have endured. She knew he had never



dreamed that life could get any worse, but suddenly it had. The



force of his hero‟s betrayal had to shake like an earthquake.



Kat watched as he ran from the room, seemingly unable to



comprehend the loss of two of the most important men in his



life.





“Let him go,” Kaitlyn told her mother before Anna could run



after him to try and sooth his pain away. “He needs time to



think this over. With Dad gone and now this he has to be blown



away.”





Alex slammed into his room and shut the door. He took out



his wallet as he lay down on his bed. He wanted to look at his



pictures. All of the people he loved smiled out at him, looking



for all the world as if nothing had changed. When he came to

Chris‟ photo he tore it out and ripped it to shreds hoping to



hurt the man as he hurt the picture. It was then that he saw the



little pills that fell onto his lap. He knew it was wrong, but



it seemed as if an invisible force was placing the poison onto



his tongue. He settled onto his bed and let the feeling engulf



him. He smiled as he realized that he had found a way to escape.









Chapter Eight









Kaitlyn sighed as she thought of the anguish and



disappointment that shone out of her brother‟s eyes as his hero

fell from his pedestal. She wished that she had not had to tell



him. She hated hurting him, especially after losing their father



the way they had.





When Alex had been born Kaitlyn had been ecstatic. She was



ten years old and tired of being the only kid in the house. She



had asked Santa for a baby and on her January birthday her wish



came true. Her mother was pregnant. She was already showing



slightly because she was twenty weeks pregnant. They had waited



to tell Kat until they knew what the sex of the baby was. A baby



brother was coming in late April/early May.





Kat had spent those next month‟s helping her mother with



anything she could. She taught herself how to change diapers by



practicing on her dolls. She would sit in the nursery and rock



as she counted down the days. Nothing was more important to her



than this little being growing in her mother‟s belly. Kat had



watched in awe as Anna grew so large she waddled around the



house.





When the day had come for the baby to be born, she had sat



with her mother, excitement evident in her posture, and in her



voice. Her parents had let her be present for the birth and had



prepared her well. When her mother started to push Kat had stood



anxiously at the foot of the bed. The doctor had let Kat touch



the baby‟s head and to this day she still remembered the silky

wetness that had eased from her mother to greet the world with



loud wails. Anna had nursed both her children and Kat could not



help but be amazed as she watched her little red-purple brother



drink from her mother.





She was startled from her thoughts as her mother walked



into the room and took her hand. “What‟s up mom?” Kat asked,



sensing Anna‟s tightly wound nerves.





“I am worried about your brother. Are you sure he should be



alone right now?”





“I am not sure of anything, but I think that this is all



pretty hard for him to handle. He and Dad were close. I am sure



he needs to work it out on his own, he is more sensitive than he



pretends to be and he is hurting right now. When he is ready to



talk he will, that I am sure of.”





“Okay, I‟ll leave him alone for now.” Anna paused. Kaitlyn



knew she did that before dropping another bomb and she braced



for it, not sure if she could stand any more bad things. “Jon is



coming by with his parents in a few minutes. They wanted to talk



to you and then we need to make plans for your father‟s



memorial.”





Kaitlyn shuttered, not knowing if it was because she would



soon be seeing Jon for the first time in years, or if it was due

to thinking about her father. Kat knew her mother watched her



with surprise, wondering what she had said to upset her. She



felt Anna‟s arms wrap around her and reveled in her mother‟s



touch. Together she knew they could face anything. Even when she



had doubts of that all she had to do was remember the child



inside of her and her strength came surging back. She wasn‟t



going to let Chris win. Joel would have been furious with her if



she had given in to her doubts anyway and she wouldn‟t let her



father down.





“Why is Jon coming? I don‟t have to tell him all about



Chris, do I?”





“Matt thought it would be good to get you a gun of your own



and Jon is going to help you fill out all the paperwork for it.”





“A gun? Are you sure that is necessary?” Kaitlyn asked, not



sure she liked the idea of a gun. She felt apprehension at the



thought of having to carry a weapon. If she took it she knew she



would be admitting the possibility that Chris would come and she



would need it and that was horrible to think of.





“It probably is not a necessity, but I would feel better



knowing you had it. Do it for me, okay.” Kat let Anna convince



her, subtly.

The security beeped letting Kat and Anna know that the



Perry family had arrived. Kat closed her eyes and took a deep



breath, trying to slow the pounding of her heart. She and Jon



could be friends. He need never know how desperately in love she



had been with him before she had met Chris and given up on a



future with Jon. It would be nice to have him in her life again.





Kat opened her eyes as she heard footsteps enter the room.



Her breath caught in her chest. He was beautiful. He could have



been a sculpture come to life for all the shape and definition



in his face and body. He carried a tan, even though it was still



winter and his ebony hair was shot through with gold and red.



She chastised herself as she wondered if he was dark all over.



She was still a married woman, but she could not help falling



into his dark eyes. They were like endless pools of chocolate



and she hated that she wanted to melt into his arms. His hard



arms, tight with muscle were like a piece of candy just out of



reach in a sugar craving. She loved his 6‟3” height because her



head had always been able to nestle right under his chin. God



how she wanted to be there now, feeling his warmth, smelling his



intoxicating scent, listening to his heart thump in his chest.



She hated how every old feeling and thought came washing into



her as if no time had passed even though years had gone by.



Years full of life and love and time spent with a man other than

him. She was not the woman she used to be and she dreaded seeing



his pity or his disdain of her.





She would have been shocked to know that his thoughts



almost paralleled hers. Jon was amazed at her beauty. She had



grown wise looking and knowledge far greater than her age seemed



to seep from her to touch everyone within her sight. Her



chestnut hair fell in waves down her back and framed her heart



shaped face. Her lips were a little top heavy but still



beautiful and pink. The light bruises did nothing to take from



her quiet beauty and he was shocked at the sight of her. His old



emotions punched into him leaving him shaken and breathless. You



could not help but feel comforted as you sank into her clear



aqua eyes. Her strength humbled him as he thought of all she had



been through and would probably continue to go through.





“Hello Kaitlyn. It has been a long time. How are you



doing?” Jon asked, trying to squelch the fluttering of his



stomach and the aching of his heart.





“I am as good as can be expected.” Kat looked at Matt and



Jenny with a question in her eyes.





“He is up to date on what is going on with you, babe. He is



a cop after all.” Jenny said.

“Congratulations are in order I hear.” Jon hoped he sounded



comforting and not like the buffoon he felt like. “Are you



enjoying your pregnancy?”





“It hasn‟t sunk in yet. I just found out a couple of days



ago so it is still a pretty new concept. Thanks for asking.”





“I know that this can‟t be easy on you. I just need to get



your signature for all the paper work and some info for your



concealed carry permit.”





Jon placed the small gun in her hands and held her hand



over the grip just a little too long. Kaitlyn felt his strength



and closed her eyes to see if the sizzle was still there. She



did not know what she feared more; that they still shared a



connection or that it had vanished like a morning mist in the



face of a warming sun. She jerked at the spark that flowed



between them and hoped that Jon had not noticed.





He definitely did notice. The energy that seeped into his



fingers startled him. With no other person had he felt this kind



of recognition. It was like their souls were connected and that



fleeting touch was all they needed to become fiercely aware of



the other. Jon hated himself for wanting her as he did. He could



have sworn after the way things had ended that there was no way



they were supposed to be together, but his heart betrayed him.

He hurriedly dropped her hand when he was finished and hoped he



could just be her friend. He knew she did not need to be



pressured on top of all the pain in her life.





“I want you to go to the range and get some practice in, I



will be happy to work with you if you want me to.” He paused,



thoughtfully and handed her a case of bullets. “I didn‟t load it



so don‟t worry. I‟ll take the paperwork in when I get to work.”



Jon stood and anxiously looked for a way to escape her presence.





He knew his mother had to sense his discomfort because



Jenny stood and thanked him with a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you



for doing this. I know Anna and I will sleep better knowing



Kaitlyn has a way to protect herself and her family.”





He was grateful that Anna took her friend‟s cue and let him



leave. “You are wonderful. Thank you for all you do. I know Kat



is grateful.”





“I am. Very grateful actually. I thought I would hate



having a weapon but it is a relief.” Kaitlyn hoped she sounded



gracious enough even though she wanted him to leave. Being so



close to him was awakening feelings she was not ready to deal



with, feelings she was shocked to still be capable of when her



marriage had exploded so recently.

After Jon‟s departure the tension flew from the room and a



comfortable silence followed. Kat could tell Anna wondered at



her strange moods and prayed she didn‟t realize that there were



some unresolved issue between Kat and Jon. If her mother knew



how she felt about Jon, how much she had loved him her



matchmaking would kick into overtime and Kaitlyn was not



prepared to deal with that. It was to soon and things were still



very raw for her.





Matt broke the silence, “Is there anything we can help you



with Anna?”





Jerked from her thoughts Kat could not help but notice how



her mother gasped as she was slammed by the true reason she had



needed her closest friends with her today. They needed to plan a



service for Joel.





“Well yes, actually, there is something that is pretty



important. I need to plan a service for Joel. He wanted to be



cremated but I think his family, friends, and associates need to



have a way to say a personal goodbye. He hated funerals so I



have been thinking more like a wake or memorial. I want it to be



a celebration of his life and not depressing.” Kat heard as



Anna‟s voice cracked with pain.

“I agree mom. I thought we could have everyone write their



favorite memory on a piece of paper. They can read it for



everyone or leave it personal and we could place it in a jar to



be buried with a memorial marker. I know that a stone can be



comforting because it can give people a place to go to feel



close to the person they loved. Then I thought we could have a



small service for the three of us and you guys as we spread his



ashes in his favorite canyon.” Kaitlyn hoped she had not upset



her mother with her idea.





“Oh, kitten, I think that is a great idea.” Anna said



softly.





Kat knew Anna never would have thought of a memorial marker



for others to go to connect with Joel. She understood that her



mother would always be connected to him through her children.



She knew that others did not have that and a stone would help



them in their grief.





“I agree. The memory jar should be a healing experience for



everyone and it will make the service easier to remember the



good things that Joel gave to each of us. Plus it puts the focus



on his life and not his death.” Jenny asked softly, “When do you



want to do this?”

“Soon, I should think. I am sure you want his family to



have a way to grieve and heal. Especially the sisters. Delia is



absolutely devastated,” Matt said. His brother, Thomas, was



married to Delia.





“How about on Saturday? That gives us five days to plan and



send out the obituary. It lets the family that is spread out



have time to make arrangements to be here.” Kaitlyn hoped that



was not too soon for her mother. The last thing that she wanted



was to cause Anna more pain.





“Saturday? I guess that is okay. I need to call everyone



and tell them. I sent notes around because I was not ready for



their sympathy or to share my grief. I am still not, but maybe



it will be for the best. I think I have put it off long enough,



or as long as I can.”





Matt and Jenny flanked Anna as she stood. The three of them



created a wall of strength and it made Kaitlyn feel better to



realize how much these three would help each other. She hoped



that the rest of the family would be okay. Her cousins Chad and



Andrew were exceptionally close to Joel and had been since they



were small children. Chad had even lived with them for his last



years of high school. A memory jar would probably help them both



so much.

Kaitlyn wished she and Alex could lean on each other but



nothing was piercing his angry façade. It was like a fence had



grown between them and it startled her. She missed her little



brother and wished they could make peace as well as she and Anna



had.





His fury was understandable. She was angry that Joel had



died too. She needed her father more than ever as the divorce



and pregnancy advanced and he was not there. She was angry at



the world for taking Joel and at Joel for being so careless. She



felt it well up inside of her like a tidal wave and fought to



put it to the back of her mind. This was not the time to indulge



in her pain and despair, her mother needed her strength and



calm.





“I‟ll call the older cousins and tell them. They would



appreciate hearing it from me.” Kat said softly, hoping her wide



range of feelings was not evident on her face.





“That‟s a good idea,” Anna said softly.





Jenny pulled out the phonebook from the drawer where it was



kept in the kitchen island and asked, “What calls do we need to



make to get the ball rolling and get things done the way you



want? We are here to help.”

“Matt, there is something that I would like you to do. It



is okay if it is too uncomfortable for you but would you



consider being the one to write the obituary?” Anna asked,



trying to keep the pleading out of her voice.





Tears gathered in his eyes and for a moment he was



speechless. “I would be honored.” There was so much that made



Joel an incredible man. He had overcome so much to make a name



for himself and to provide for his family. Kaitlyn knew Matt



felt blessed to be the one to communicate that special



uniqueness with the world. “I‟ll start now while you two make



those calls.”









As Matt gathered his thoughts Kat called the cousins and



Jenny and Anna called the funeral home they had already arranged



to have cremate Joel‟s remains and a florist to make the wake



beautiful. They chose Joel‟s favorite flowers and colors to



adorn the rooms of the home. They went through music and books



finding Joel‟s favorite songs and poetry.





Kat could tell her mother warmed to her task as she thought



of honoring her husband. He had been her best friend, her lover,



her partner in everything, and her anchor. Anna seemed to gain



strength while reflecting on the one-of-a-kind love they had

found with each other. No one had believed in her more than



Joel. He had made her follow her dreams and had been an



excellent sounding board for her book ideas and imagination,



even when she felt they were lacking and she would never make



it.





She smiled as she saw Anna locate the CD she wanted. Chris



Ledoux. Joel had loved his music. He would work with it playing



in his headset. They had been married to “Look at you, girl”.



Kaitlyn knew that she would always feel closer to Joel when she



heard that special music and hoped that it would help comfort



all the amazing people had loved him almost as much as she had.





“Are you okay, sweetie?” Jenny asked her friend, noticing



the silent tears coursing down her cheeks.





“Yeah. I just miss him so much. It has only been a couple



of days and it feels like a life time. His scent is fading from



the sheets. I keep spraying his cologne just to feel his



presence. Am I nuts?”





“Oh, Anna, I would be doing the same thing. Our men are



very important to us. It is only natural to miss him, especially



with everything going on.”





It felt nice to see her mother have a friend who understood



her as well as Jenny did. Kat had heard the stories about how

unsure of each other they had been at first but it was hard to



stay that way with their men wanting to do everything together.



Kaitlyn knew that they could get past this with Matt and Jenny



in their lives. If only she knew what was troubling Alex.









Chapter Nine









The days leading up to the memorial flew by in a whirl of



planning and activity, all of it tinged with an overwhelming



sadness that seemed to permeate the pores and seep through the

soul. It seemed that Anna and Kaitlyn never had any quiet time



as they visited with family, friends, and associates who all



wanted to see Anna and talk about Joel. They both were feeling a



little suffocated by the well wishers and had taken an afternoon



to hide.





They had gone to their favorite restaurant. The food was



great and the atmosphere was quiet. It was an astonishing relief



for them both to be away from the prying eyes and the



sympathetic looks.





“Kitten, I can‟t help but get more worried about Alex as



the days pass. He rarely comes out of his room. He has covered



his windows and locked his doors. It is like he is hibernating



in hopes that when he wakes up this will all be a nightmare. He



refuses to talk about your father and insists he is fine. He



won‟t even let Curtis talk to him and they have been the best of



friends for years. I just don‟t know what to do.” Kaitlyn



watched as Anna tried to keep the tears of desperation from



streaming down her cheeks. “I feel so frustrated. He should be



contributing to the service and helping out more. You don‟t need



all this stress. With divorce and estate lawyers swirling around



us and grieving people making matters worse more stress is the



last thing you need”

It was the last thing any of them needed but Kaitlyn just



let her mother talk, sensing her need to vent all her feelings



and release the emotion she had pent up and kept guarded as if



it would physically hurt Kaitlyn and the baby to be around so



much pain and anguish. She actually felt relieved to see her



mother let it out. It was time.





Kat was doing surprisingly well. Her cousins, aunts, and



uncles had all banded behind her to help with anything she



needed. Her eldest cousin Chad had even offered to move himself



and his family into the guest apartment to help them out. It had



been a grand gesture and had reassured her that her family would



always support her and her mother and brother, though she had



turned him down. She and Chad had always been close and she



considered him to be an older brother. She had not wanted to



disrupt him and his family especially since they were expecting



a baby of their own.





She felt free to grieve with all the people that had loved



Joel almost as much as she had and could feel the acceptance



settle upon her like a warm, cozy blanket. She had made peace



with the distance that had built between her and her father. Yes



it sucked and she would always yearn for what might have been



but she knew without a doubt that her dad had loved her



unconditionally.

It was Anna and Alex that she was worried about. Anna



seemed so tightly wound that she could snap at any moment. She



seemed afraid to cry in front of the relatives and refused to



accept in her mind the truth she felt in her heart and soul. One



minute she was absolutely at peace and knew that Joel was her



soul mate, but in the next moment it was replaced with a look of



utter fear. She would look like a deer trapped in the headlights



of a truck. Her eyes would grow big and she would get more jumpy



than Kaitlyn had ever seen her. She was used to Anna‟s



moodiness. It had been like this for as long as Kat could



remember, but never to the extremes now present.





Alex. Alex was starting to really concern her. She did not



comprehend the depth of his anger and self loathing. He seemed



to be mad at everyone, especially himself, and it confused Kat.



Why was he so mad? He had almost stopped eating and the trays



that Kaitlyn placed in front of his door usually remained



untouched. It was as if he were punishing himself for some



extremely heinous crime. Kat did not know if it was because of



Joel or because of Chris that he was withdrawing into a shell



she had never encountered before.





Alex would not talk to her and she found herself making a



startling suggestion. “Mom, what if Jon forced Alex to talk.



They have always been close and I know that there is something

that Alex needs to deal with. Something more than just Daddy‟s



death.”





She watched as her mother paused in her tirade and realized



Kat had not been listening to her for a while. As the anxiety



covered Anna‟s face Kat couldn‟t help but feel guilty for having



placed it there. She was never so grateful for her mother‟s



habit of letting things go until later than she was right then.



“I think that just might be exactly what Alex needs. Good



thinking honey.” She took comfort in her mother‟s voice and let



it settle upon her.





“I am meeting him later for some shooting practice; can I



talk to him about it then?”





“Sure, love. Now let‟s enjoy this delicious food that we



have ordered. You are eating for two you know.” Kat knew that



Anna hoped her gentle coaxing would give her the motivation she



needed to take better care of herself. She didn‟t purposefully



neglect herself. She was just so rarely hungry.





Kaitlyn took her mother‟s not so subtle hint and bit into



her food. It was Italian and delicious. Her stomach growled as



if it were agreeing with her mother. She laughed silently so



that being right would not go to Anna‟s head. She was definitely



going all out to be the protective mother and grandmother.

It made Kaitlyn feel content and able to deal with anything



that might come her way. Except Jon. She had thought her



feelings for Jonathan Perry had died when she met Chris. They



were total opposites and she had questioned herself over the



truth of her feelings. Now she realized that her passion for Jon



had always been inside of her, lying under the surface, waiting



for a chance to jump to the forefront of her heart and soul. It



had pounced in an effort to reclaim her soul at his soft touch



and had plagued her thoughts since she had seen him again.





She shoved her feelings aside as she prayed for her



brother. Jon had to be able to connect with Alex. Someone had to



penetrate his gruff shell.





“Okay mom, I am going to go to the indoor range down town



for my shooting practice. I still think my carrying a gun is a



little extreme though.”





“Honey, it is for protection only. You have no idea how



much better I feel knowing you have it.”





Kat let her mother pay the check as she gathered her



emotions to protect herself from Jon and all he made her feel.



It was too bad that nothing as simple as a gun could be pulled



out to save her from that particular danger.

Kaitlyn pulled into the parking lot of the gun range and



felt a knot of tension form at all the official looking cars in



the lot. Chris had an official car and just the sight of one



made her nervous. She pulled her coat tighter around her body as



she walked the short distance to the entrance feeling both



excited and scared at the thought of alone time with Jon.





“Hey Kat, glad you came,” Jon said, a smile in his voice



and eyes. She liked that he seemed so happy to see her.





“Well Mom wants me to have the gun so I figured a little



practice would be in order. It has been a while since I shot



anything.”





Jon smiled again at how dainty she looked it the huge white



coat talking about guns. “You were a natural when we went



hunting with our dads. I‟m sure this will be more of a refresher



than any sort of lesson. Follow me.”





He led the way down a long hall with a clear pane of glass



along both walls. Through the glass you could see the different



ranges. One was occupied solely by police officers while the



other was smaller and devoted to the public. It was easier and a



much more relaxed looking range and instantly made her feel at



ease.

She carried her gun case in one hand and her ammo in the



other, feeling both comforted and burdened by their weight in



her hands. Jon stopped at a cubicle not far from the door and



grabbed eye shields and ear protectors for the both of them



before moving farther down the brightly lit room. The floor,



walls, and ceilings were a stark white and seemed overly sterile



to Kat but she kept her questions to herself.





“Okay, do you know how to load it?” Jon asked, trying to be



the teacher talking to a student and blocking any other thoughts



from his mind.





Kat nodded as she pulled her coat off and put it over a



chair against the wall behind her not seeing the flash in Jon‟s



eyes. The temptation, the craving, the wanting floated across



his face so openly she would have gasped. He got his game face



back in place; his shield raised and tried to concentrate on the



subject at hand.





He pinned a target to the rail and pressed the button,



sending it sailing into the room, ignoring the brush of her body



as she stepped forward to grab her glasses and ear guards.





Kaitlyn was struggling to keep away from him. It seemed no



matter how she tried to avoid him they touched anyway. Her hip



to his thigh as she walked by. His hand to her arm as he reached

around her to open her gun case. Every touch, no matter how



brief, seemed to shoot through her body straight to a part of



her she thought was dead. The pleasure she felt in hearing him



breathe so close to her ear seemed all at once joyous and



torturous.





“So I just shoot at the target and aim for the center?” Kat



asked, hoping he didn‟t notice the tremor in her voice.





He smiled and tried to look reassuring, “Yup. We will



practice with a normal round target for a while and then move up



to the silhouette target as you get better.”





She moved forward raised her arms and fired. Jon was



pleased with her courage but stepped behind her. “You need to



stand with your legs about shoulder width apart. Put your



trigger hand around the grip with the other hand cupping it.



Always keep your finger off the trigger until you are ready to



fire. Then raise, aim and fire.” He slid his knee between her



legs to shift them open to the right width and put his arms



around her, placing his hands over hers. “Like this”





Jon pulled the trigger with his finger over hers and



watched the center of the target be punched through with the



shot. He stepped away as his body realized how well she fit



against him and started to respond.

She felt a blush creep up her face and prayed he didn‟t



notice how her body jumped as his warmth dissipated from her



back. Kat hated the ache his stepping back left in her heart and



she emptied the gun into the target, her first shot was the only



one that missed the center ring.





He chuckled as he realized she was much better than he



expected. “Wow! I guess you don‟t need much practice do you.”





“It seems like riding a bike, I guess I never forgot what



my dad taught me.” Kat smiled, feeling shyer than ever. “He was



a good teacher. Plus this gun is pretty smooth. His .45 had more



punch to it.”





“Well let‟s do a few more targets and then call it an



evening.”





She grabbed at her courage and asked, “Umm…Jon? Do you



think you could talk to Alex? He has gone even deeper into his



solitude and Mom is so stressed. I thought you may be able to



get through to him.”





Jon smiled and tried to look reassuring. “I can try. After



we finish I‟ll run home and shower since I came straight here



after a long shift on the job. Then I‟ll be over.”

Jon was on his way to the Stuart house. He was supposed to



talk to Alex, to help him deal with his tremendous loss, but



Kaitlyn dominated his thoughts. He knew it was wrong to be so



obsessed with her; she was after all still married. He could not



seem to help it. Her scent seemed to drill into his brain,



making itself a permanent fixture in his mind. His heart



betrayed him as it began to race at the thought of glimpsing her



beauty, if even for a moment. He tried to banish her from his



mind but found it a futile effort, as if he were trying to turn



off the sun at high noon on a bright summer day.





Alex. He had to concentrate on Alex. It seemed that his



anger had gotten worse and Anna and Kaitlyn were becoming more



scared as the days passed. Jon hoped he was able to get through



to the teen and relieve the Stuart family of at least one of the



burdens they were facing and be able to do it without telling



them of his conversation with Dani. His parents still hadn‟t



told Anna about the journal-like paper he had found detailing



the fight between Joel and Alex and while he didn‟t agree with



their choice he had to respect them. Maybe if he could get



through to Alex himself they could avoid all of the anguish sure



to come after the memorial.

He pulled into the driveway and smiled as he saw a small



form bundled into the cozy porch swing, sitting in the shadows.



He could not decide if he dreaded or anticipated seeing Kat



more. He ran his fingers through his hair in an effort to look



less tired.





“Hey friend,” Jon exclaimed, hoping the label made their



relationship clear. He needed to remind himself, more than



anything, of the boundaries of their new, tender association.





Kaitlyn tensed as she saw him. She only saw his body



structure in the dark, lightless night. He was a large man and



his shadow made him seem all the more dominating. She felt the



trembles start as she tried to disappear into the swing. “What



do you want? Why are you here? Just go away and leave me alone.”



Fear for her baby seized her like a deadly vine, its curling



tendrils squeezing the breath out of her body.





“Huh?” Jon did not understand this reaction. Kaitlyn was



seemingly afraid of him. “It is me Kat. Jonathan. I came to see



Alex, remember. Are you okay?”





“Oh my gosh! Jon, you scared me.” The shaking grew worse as



the pain and terror fled her body. She could not believe how



terrified she had felt. Now she understood why her mother wanted



her to carry protection at all times. She was a strong woman but

fear for the baby came quickly and seemed to be able to



completely shut her down and that was unacceptable. She needed



to think calmly even if Chris were to confront her. Her baby



deserved that. The gun was supposed to help her feel capable of



protecting herself even while pregnant.





Jon rushed to her, crushing her into his embrace in an



effort to make her feel safe. “It‟s okay Kitten. I promise



everything will be okay.”





She pushed out of his arms like she was burning. “Thank you



for coming and agreeing to help with Alex.” She fled into the



house and disappeared into her room banging the door shut behind



her.





Jon forced her out of his mind as he tried to, once more,



put Alex on the forefront. He knew there was nothing he could do



for Kaitlyn until she asked him. You could not force help on



someone unless they were ready for help, and it was obvious that



Kaitlyn had a long road to walk before she was able to ask him



for help. He chuckled as he realized he was about to force his



help on her little brother.





He knew his way around the house and went straight to see



Alex. Loud rock music roared in his ears the closer that he got



to the door. Jon was stunned. Alex was a quiet kid. He adored

classical forms of music. Classic rock and jazz and the old



world classical musicians like Bach and Beethoven filled his



shelves. This noise that was considered the new rock music just



sounded like a bunch of screaming and loud banging.





He knocked on the door, hoping Alex could hear him over the



noise. It was no small wonder that there was no answer. He



decided to be a little louder.





“Alex,” he shouted. “It‟s Jon. Open up, we need to talk.”





The music just got louder drowning out Jon‟s pleading and



making him worry more than ever.





“At the count of three I am going to force my way in.”





“You can‟t do that. It is against the law. You should know,



you are a cop.” Alex screamed sounding frantic.





Just the tone of Alex‟s voice sent shock waves down his



spine. Something was really wrong. He knew that he had to get



into that room.





“Your mother won‟t press charges and you are a minor. Don‟t



press your luck.”





Sounds of hurried shuffling seemed to sneak into Jon‟s ears



through the earth trembling noise. He grew more worried as the

seconds passed. This was all so unlike Alex. Dani had obviously



not just been a scorned ex-girlfriend like he had hoped.





The door creaked slowly open and Jon had to squint through



the haze. It smelled awful and Alex was burning some strange



incense. The smoke seemed extremely thick to Jon and it felt



like his stomach turned to lead as he recognized the marijuana



smell.





Alex was sitting at his desk. He wore all black and his



eyes were glazed. He had a sloppy grin on his face and tears



streaming down his cheeks. His hair was sticking up in tufts all



over his head and his pubescent peach fuzz was overgrown from



lack of shaving. He was cringing from the light streaming into



the room from the hall.





“If you are coming in then do it and close the door,” Alex



demanded his tone an odd mixture of anger and terror.





Jon was stunned at what he saw. The room was in shambles



and old food that was starting to mold was sitting on trays



everywhere. Clothes were strewn on the floor and the bed was a



heap of grimy sheets. He did not understand how it could get so



filthy after so few days unless Alex was going outside and



getting dirty without anyone the wiser.

“How are you? What is going on?” Jon asked, hoping to drag



the boy out of his self-imposed exile.





“I am fine. What are you doing here?”





“Your mother and sister are very worried about you bud. You



won‟t even talk to them and they are starting to get really



scared. You haven‟t contributed at all to the planning of your



father‟s service. All the cousins are worried silly. The aunts



and uncles keep calling and trying to visit but your mother has



to make up excuses for you.”





“No one asked them to call and Mom needs to just leave me



alone.” Alex swiftly took on a sulky expression, making Jon



angrier than he had been in a long time. The amazing young man



from a week ago had turned into a sulky, spoiled boy.





“Look I know that this is hard for you. It is hard for the



whole family, but you are the only one hiding out. Kaitlyn could



really use your support. She has a lot on her plate right now



and she should not be stressing out about you on top of



everything else. What if all this worrying about you hurts the



baby? Do you want to be responsible for that?” Jon wanted to



scare the boy out of his funk and came up with a bad situation



out of desperation. “Your mother has just lost one of the two

most important men in her life. Do you think she deserves to be



consumed with fear that she is losing the other one?”





“Of course not. I just don‟t want to see anyone.” The tears



were starting to fall down his scruffy cheeks like waterfalls.



“Do you really think Kats being upset could hurt the baby?”





“Yes it could. When I got here she thought I was Chris for



a second and she was terrified. I have never seen her like she



was. It was weird man. She practically shrunk in an effort to



hide from me.”





“Really? Is she okay, do you think?”





“She will be, but I know that she could use your help



around here. She has been doing most everything to try to help



your mom.”





“I guess I could help her. I mean I would not want to hurt



the baby or anything.”





“Good.” Jon debated only for a split second on if he should



just leave it there and knew he wouldn‟t be able to live with



that. “Look I know you and your dad had a fight before he died.”





Alex‟s eyes went big and began to dart around as if he was



looking for a place to escape to. “Whatever.”

“Not whatever. His accident wasn‟t your fault Alex. Talk to



your mom and your sister. Stop hiding. They need you and I think



you need them.”





Standing up as if to hurry him away Alex sniffled softly,



“Yeah. Sure. Can you go now? I need to get some sleep?”





Jon left the room and hoped that he had said the right



thing. He really didn‟t like the way Alex was behaving and the



glazed look in his eyes and the dilated pupils just confirmed



that Dani had been right and more was going on than just hiding



in the dark and not sleeping. If he was playing with hard drugs



that talk his parents were planning needed to happen sooner



rather than later but he knew they wouldn‟t listen to him



without proof. Jon vowed to keep tabs on Alex and on the Todd



kid Dani had told him about.





He walked out of the house without seeing Kat or Anna and



almost went in search of Kat. Maybe he should at least discuss



his concerns with her. She would at least be able to keep a



close eye on things at the house and let him know if anything



more happened. Jon was about to knock on her door when he heard



the soft sound of crying coming from beyond and changed his



mind. She had been through enough for one day.

Chapter Ten

Kaitlyn Stuart McClain was in a panic. Her family seemed to



be ignoring her pleas to hurry and she did not want to be late.



She had chosen her fondest memory and could not wait to share it



with her family, especially her mother. It was the one of her



sixteenth birthday and she had walked in on her parents being



all gooey eyed in the kitchen. She hoped sharing it would help



her mother.





She walked down the hall and looked in on her mother and



was comforted to see that she was ready though she looked very



sad and lost. Kat knew that this had to be incredibly tough for



her. Anna was dressed in a beautiful black dress, the bodice



tight but the skirt swirling around her ankles in a wash of



satin and lace. She now stood in front of her bedroom window



holding one of Joel‟s shirts against her face. The winter light



streaming in left her outlined in a fiery halo and it made the



raw emotion on her face all the more powerful. Kat was awed at



the sight of the love and the loss she saw in her mother‟s eyes.



She changed her mind about bothering her mother and stepped back



to give her more quiet time. Grief like that didn‟t need to be



rushed.





Walking down the opposite hall she knocked on Alex‟s door.



Kat doubted she was heard over the now constant thrum of music



coming out of the room. “Alex! We need to go!”

The door slammed open. Her brother looked uncomfortable in



his clothes, as if even the thought of wearing them made him



want to run and hide. “I‟m ready. See. Now leave me alone. We



have fifteen minutes before we need to leave.” As quick as the



door opened it closed again.





Kaitlyn was still having a hard time with his anger. When



they had gotten up for breakfast that morning he had finally



joined her and Anna for breakfast but their joy had turned



quickly to shock. He had accused her of being cold and heartless



for planning to display Joel‟s body like some sort of artifact



in a museum. The cuss words he had hurled would have made a



sailor blush. She had never heard him talk with such venom as he



had screamed at their mother. Then before he could listen to a



word either of them had to say he had slammed back into his cave



of a room.





Letting her thoughts come back to the present she felt self



conscious as she noticed the small bulge on her abdomen. Her



baby seemed to have made its presence known almost overnight and



it was very frightening. She was sick a lot but did not mind



since hearing the old wives tale that the sicker you are the



healthier the baby. She just hoped it was true.





Kat‟s thoughts flew all over the place as she tried to be



patient with her family. Was Chris mad enough to come after her?

Did Alex have a bigger problem than she realized? Would her



mother be okay? Would Jon be there today? She let the swirling



thoughts flutter through her head like tiny butterflies and



placed her hand on her belly. It would all be okay.









The guests started to arrive just ten minutes after Anna,



Kaitlyn, Alex and the Perry family. Anna was stunned at the



amount of people that had come to remember Joel. She recognized



a couple friends from his childhood and teen years. His father‟s



widow and his mother were actually comforting each other since



they had come to realize they both loved all of the Stuart



children very much. Both of his sisters clung to their husbands



and Kat hated how Anna turned away from the sight as if bitter



that they still had their spouses.





Almost all of Anna‟s family had come. Her mother, Laurie,



slipped into a seat behind her, gently wrapping her arms around



her daughter and granddaughter.





“Hey sweeties. How are you doing?” Laurie Miller asked her



eldest child.





“I am okay Mom, thanks for coming.”

“I would not be anywhere else baby. Your brother and sister



should be here soon. Jake and his family will just barely make



it due to a flight delay from Wyoming. Sasha left Jared with the



babies and will be here any minute. In fact she just walked in.



I‟ll go greet her unless you would rather.”





“Would you? I see Daddy coming over to talk with me and



Lydia is with him.”





Kat couldn‟t help but notice the look that passed between



her grandparents as they both glanced towards Anna. Her Grandpa



Justin seemed the most worried as he came to speak with them.



Anna seemed to be in her own world and it was very scary.





“Hey princess, it is a beautiful day to celebrate a great



man.” Justin said as he embraced his child. Kaitlyn could tell



that he hated that she was so frail looking.





Kaitlyn was the only reason he had known anything was going



on in the first place. She had called him on Wednesday to talk



about Joel and Justin was shocked to hear of events in his



family‟s life. He knew they needed him and he and Lydia did not



hesitate to jump on the first plane they could.





“I am great Dad. Sorry I did not call you. I have been so



busy.” Kat knew that was the tone of voice Anna used to placate



her father so he would go away. She obviously did not want to

deal with all of these people right now. Kat couldn‟t blame her;



her heart was broken and there was nothing anyone could do to



fix it.





Justin must have sensed his daughter‟s despair because he



hugged her tight once more before finding a place to sit. “If



you need me all you have to do is ask.”





Kat could tell Anna felt relieved to be left alone. Her



solitude was the only thing that seemed to give her comfort at



the moment. Realizing this Kat rose to deflect other well-



meaning sympathizers.





As Anna sat in her own little world Kaitlyn walked around



the large room trying to spare a moment to thank everyone. It



humbled her to realize that father was only one of the many



roles Joel had portrayed. He was a brother, uncle, son and son-



in-law. He was a boss, a friend, and a leader.





He was also a hero. Kaitlyn realized this as six lanky,



awkward teenage boys entered the room and sat down. The crowd



was filled with people who had been touched by her father. It



helped her to forget all of her other problems and concentrate



on remembering Joel and all that he was.





Kaitlyn had made it around to everyone and went in search



of her brother. It was time for them to sit with their mother.

Kat found Alex in a small side room sitting alone in the



darkness. She had never seen such anguish as she saw in that



moment looking at her brother.





“Alex it is time. Mom needs us.” Kat hoped to prod her



sibling into action. Instead he looked to be in some sort of



trance, his eyes glazed and his face slack.





“Alex? Are you ready?”





“Are you, Kat? Are you really ready to put Dad out of your



life? Because I certainly am not. I never will be either.”





Kat was stunned at the accusatory tone of his voice. She



had not realized that Alex thought that was what this gathering



was for. She sat beside him, letting the silence envelop them



for a minute.





“Alex, this day is a way to pay tribute to our father. All



of his wonderfulness needs to be shared by everyone that cares



for him in order for us all to grieve easier. It is nice to



share our fond memories and help each other realize that life



will go on. It will be hard and different but it will still be



life.”





“I just miss him so much. Why did he have to die, Kat?



Why?” Alex pleaded with his sister, desperately craving a



reassurance that he was not sure anyone could give him.

“No one can know why anyone dies, little brother. It was



just his time I guess.” Kat could tell that her answer did not



satisfy Alex and her heart ached for him. “Let‟s go be with Mom.



The service will be starting soon.”









Anna jolted as Kat and Alex sat down, one on each of her



sides. They were flanking her in a show of support, both to her



and to the guests. Kaitlyn did not want her for a moment to feel



alone in this.





Everyone took their chairs and the owner of the home, Drake



Little, stood in front of the larger than anticipated group.



Drake was a short man lucky to reach 5‟3”. He was bald and his



round body betrayed his love of food and all things rich. He was



a quiet man, devoted to his family and to his calling and he



knew that the Stuart family needed all the comfort that he could



give them. Luckily he had known Joel well and felt like he was



more than qualified to give that comfort.





“Friends we are here to honor a truly remarkable man. He



overcame many obstacles to take care of his family. He was a



sounding board for all of his nieces and nephews. He was a rope



that tied his siblings together. He was the rock his children



could always depend on and he was the blanket that kept his wife

warm and safe. He loved everyone, whether he knew you or not.



His generosity put him on the map when he helped to found a



mentor program for teen boys struggling with the pressures of



drugs, abuse, and neglect. It was because of him that my own son



is still here today.”





Kaitlyn was surprised to see the last comments make Alex



squirm in his seat to the point that he got up and walked out of



the room. It was almost as if he was uncomfortable hearing of



their father‟s accomplishments and she couldn‟t think of any



reason for that.





“Joel was a man who learned the hard way that life takes



hard work and dedication. He taught himself to work and to be



honorable. He was one of the best men I have ever had the



privilege to know. His daughter and son are a testament of his



strength of character and his beauty of spirit. Kaitlyn has



asked everyone to write their fondest memory down and now a few



of the children privileged to call him uncle wish to share



theirs with all of us.” Drake finished quietly as he tried to



hold back his own tears.





Chad Hunt, the eldest nephew took the podium first. He told



of living with Joel and Anna and the time he had been caught



sneaking in after curfew. Joel had been awake and had made Chad



walk the two miles to school for a month.

Kat loved hearing Anna laugh at the stories her nieces and



nephews told. She had never realized the impression he had left



on all of them. William Beck, Delia and Thomas‟ eldest, spoke



along with his sister Emily. Jordan shared his first hunting



experience with his father, Anthony, and Joel. Anna had not even



realized that Joel had been present for it.





Rick and Courtney‟s middle child, Katherine, talked of



being very little and having Joel live with them when he was a



teenager. It made Kaitlyn realize that she and her mother and



brother were not the only ones devastated by this tragedy.





Then it was her turn to speak. She had kept her intent from



her mother for a reason and smiled through watery eyes as she



saw her emotion reflected back at her in the eyes of so many



that she loved.





“My mother has had to endure far more than the rest of us.



She lost her mate. I have never known a couple as devoted to



each other and that is my fondest memory. I had a chance to



witness them when I was sixteen. They looked more in love than I



ever imagined parents could be.” Kaitlyn described the event in



detail as Anna felt her carefully constructed fence crumple.



“The thing that has given me the most comfort is knowing that my



parents will always be bound together as will his children,



friends, family, and the stranger‟s lives that he has touched.

The best parts of him are in Alex and I. The worst parts are too



and I thank your forgetfulness of that fact.” She smiled as a



small chuckle swept through the room.





Kat watched as Anna let the sobs wrack her body. She hoped



her words had finally reached her and she started to heal. She



needed to stop isolating herself from everyone who loved her and



loved Joel. It was time to rejoice in the mutual connections. It



would take time she knew, but now she was sure that healing and



the strength to go on was possible. Anything is possible when



you surrounded yourself with people who loved you.





The crowd began to file out of the building after sharing a



meal, tears, hugs, and laughter. This day would help all of them



to heal.