The Chosen One!
When it comes to viewing life, men and women can think very differently can’t
they? You can see this difference by the movies both genders love to watch. If
something is blowing up and someone dying in spectacular ways, you’ll see men falling
all over themselves with excitement. Your girl could merely watch a movie showing a
bunch of women sitting around a table talking for two hours and your wife will sit there
mesmerized with tears running down her face. Of course you will be sitting there with
her watching this “chick flick” with tears streaming down your face, but not because you
really like the movie. Do you get my meaning ladies?
These movie viewing habits reveal something very basic how men and women
see things. See, guys want to be the hero. They grow up as boys wanting to be the hero,
jumping into the scene of danger and saving the world (and the girl)! For ladies, life is all
about relationships, relationships between herself, the husband, kids, relatives,
girlfriends, work, the dog, Aunt Margaret coming for Thanksgiving, anything and
everything in life, etc.
Is there then any connection then , any thing in life that both men and women
can share and most deeply desire together? Can we find a way to get along? I answer
this searching question with a resounding “Yes!” And here it is: in the movies, the hero
always goes back for the girl! If you think about it, this theme fulfills the needs of both
sides of a couple when the guy goes back for the girl. He’s building a great relationship
with her (which is what she needs) while enhancing his role as the hero.
Guys, do what God has programmed you to do. Go on great and glorious quests,
and grab every adventurous thing that life has to offer, especially as a soldier. JUST
DON’T FORGET TO GO BACK FOR THE GIRL!
Respectfully Cultivating
Trust
Mark Gungor is one of America’s leading speakers on marriage and family. His
organization took a street poll asking people the question, “Is it impossible to make a woman
happy?” Guess how every single male questioned answered this question … “Yes, it is
impossible!” When asked the same question, a young woman with two children hanging onto
her, exclaimed the same thing, and with a little frustration in her voice added, “Men are
selfish.”
Men, it is not impossible to make your wife happy. Here is the deep secret you have
always wanted to know and what you have been waiting for if you really want to know what
make your wife happy … Women want to be chosen. In Gungor’s video, Love, Marriage,
&Stinking Thinking, he says that women really want to have the special feeling that they are
chosen by their husbands.
Remember the high school dance when the girl was happy because she was picked to
dance? That’s why she lights up in the dating process – a man is choosing her, choosing her
over anybody else. This is what she celebrates on her wedding day. Her girlfriends celebrate
with her and envy her at the same time (“when will someone pick me?”). Every girl wants to be
the chosen princess.
Men make the fatal mistake – “I do means I’m done.” Men have this divide and conquer
mentality. That’s the way we are wired. Once we take an objective, the mission is done. But
guys, your wife is not just some mission with an OPORD. You just don’t win the girl one time
and stop. Winning her and pleasing her means you have to make an effort to do it over and
over again; or for those who like Army speak: you have FRAGO upon FROGO upon FRAGO.
On their wedding day, men sometimes make this mistake: As they are looking at their
blushing bride they may think, “You’re perfect, I love you, stay just the way you are now, don’t
change.” Guys, you need to understand that women do change both physically and mentally
over the course of your marriage, and you must choose to love them the same way (if not
deeper) as you did on your wedding day.
Women, too, on their wedding day may make this mental mistake, “I love you, but you
can change and get better. I can change you.” Women, you cannot conform your man into your
own image (only God can do that). What you can do is to educate your husband to what you
desire or what you need; and please do so without showing him an attitude while you are doing
it.
So in this very family-challenging basic training IET environment, where families do not
get a chance to see one another as much as they should, how do couples maintain a quality and
loving marriage? Ladies, how do you invite your husband to do the things you want them to do
for you that makes you still think and feel that you are the chosen one in his life? – What really
makes you feel chosen, loved, and cherished? Husbands what can you do to help your wife
think that she is still the most important thing in your life and that your family is special?
Here are some suggestions to help you out. If you have gone on one of my marriage
retreats, you would have attended a class on The Five Love languages by DR. Gary Chapman.
The premise is that each person has a primary love language, a language, a way that they want
to receive love from their spouse the most. The Five Love Languages consist of exercises like
“Words of Affirmation,” “Quality Time,” “Receiving Gifts,” “Acts of Service,” and “Physical
Touch.”
I bet one of these is a primary way in which you like to receive and/or give love to your
spouse. These can also be very simple acts that would not take a lot of time to do since time
with our spouses and families seems to be the “enemy of the state.” It takes a simple
statement like “Honey, I miss you and love you. I really appreciate the way you take care of our
children” to really nurture a spouse who likes to receive words of affirmation.
I acknowledge that quality time can be the hardest language to engage, but you can be
creative and still find quality time even when quantity time is not there. Try to steal a lunch
together on a certain day, call and have fun talk or intimate talk with each other on the phone
even if it is just for five minutes, or play text tag (while not driving of course). See how much
that warms the heart. On the day you do have off, make family time quality fun time with
games with your kids. Even if it is just one game, kids are grateful that you took that time to
spend with them.
Go and buy your spouse a simple gift from the heart, or perform a random act of
kindness, of service for your wife, like taking the kids for awhile on your day off or helping to
clean the house. Try going on a surprise trip to a place you know your spouse would like to go.
Finally, giving her intimate touches like a simple hug, an arm around the shoulder, holding
hands with a simple walk through a park go along ways in feeding her love need.
By the way, these are great and very simple ways of letting her think and feel that she is
still the chosen one by you. Her relationship need is fed and you feel like the hero! So go on
Drill Sergeants, cadre, WE WANT YOU! to be a hero to your wonderful spouse. Are you going to
answer the call?
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her … in
this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies … each one of you also
must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians
5:25,28,33).
Relentlessly Pursuing
Intimacy