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The Thin Man-Goofy Groom

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                                 THE THIN MAN
                           “The Case of the Goofy Groom”

                                       Cast
                                      Nora
                                      Nick
                                    Announcer
                                     Minister
                                     Arthur
                                       Jane
                                     Bellboy
                                      Bingo
                                     Snakey
                                     George


                                    OPENING

MUSIC     PABST BLUE RIBBON THEME
          (Piano – one note)

Nora      Oh no, Nicky darling – that’s not it.

Nick      It isn’t Nora?

Nora      No, it goes like this … (sings) 33 fine brews, blended into one great beer.

Anncr     Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer presents the new adventures of THE THIN
          MAN, with Nick and Nora Charles, the happiest, merriest, married couple
          in radio.

MUSIC - FULL

          Tonight and every Tuesday night at this same time, that international
          favorite, Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer, proudly presents the finest in
          summertime entertainment. So sit back, relax and pour yourself a tall
          foaming glass full of blended splendid Pabst Blue Ribbon while you listen
          to the stars of our show _____ as Nora and ___ as Nick in tonight’s
          adventure of THE THIN MAN entitled “The Case of the Goofy Groom.”

(MUSIC) (SEGUE INTO ORGAN PLAYING WEDDING MARCH) under

Anncr     Tonight we find Nick and Nora at a wedding being held in a fashionable
          hotel suite in Manhattan. The groom, Arthur Hornsby, is an old friend of
          Nick’s. The bride, Jane, is breathtakingly lovely … a fact which does
          escape our hero …
                                                                                       2



Minister   (off) (Mumble ceremony)

Nick       When do we kiss the bride?

Nora       When the ceremony’s over, silly. Why do they always mumble the
           ceremony in their beards?

Nick       The minister doesn’t like to remind people of the rash promises they made
           when they got married. Look, Jane’s trembling.

Nora       I know. Poor girl. She’s probably crying.

Nick       What for?

Nora       For the same reason every bride cries. They weep for all the men they
           have to give up, goon.

Nick       You didn’t cry.

Nora       I meant to, but I was too busy trying to make the Justice of Peace
           remember all his lines.

Nick       You knew them better than he did.

Nora       I wanted to make sure I was thoroughly married.

Minister   And now I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride.

Nora       Come dear.

Nick       But … don’t I kiss the bride?

Nora       Not yet. Arthur told me to meet him in that little room on the side right
           after the ceremony.

Nick       Why?

Nora       I don’t know. He said it was important. Open the door

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

Nick       All I can say is that this is no way to treat a wedding guest … huh … no
           one here …

DOOR OPEN OFF
                                                                                     3



Nora     Here they come darling.

DOOR CLOSE

Arthur   Nora!

Nora     Arthur … I want to wish you and Jane every happiness.

KISS

Arthur   Thank you, Nora.

Nick     Best of luck, Arthur, and … er … may I?

Arthur   You mean Jane?

Jane     I’d be very disappointed if you didn’t. What’re you waiting for, Nick?

Nick     Jane, you know I wish you the best. (KISS)

Nora     You don’t have to wish so hard, Nicky.

Jane     Oh, I didn’t mind it, Nora.

Nick     You’ve got a fine wife here, Arthur.

Nora     And that’s the opinion of an excellent judge of wives, Arthur. But aren’t
         you keeping the other guests waiting? I’m sure they want to congratulate
         you and Jane.

Jane     That’s just it, Nora. Arthur’s afraid to go out there.

Nick     You can’t disappoint the girls, Arthur.

Arthur   You don’t understand. We’re having some trouble …

Nora     Really? What’s the matter?

Jane     Well, we don’t know. Arthur, tell them.

Arthur   Nick. Will you and Nora take our place tonight? It’ll be better all around.

Nora     But why? I’m not sure I under …

SHOTS
                                                                                        4



Jane        (Screams) Oh …!

Arthur      Duck, darling.

DOOR SLAMS

Nora        Nick!

Nick        Queer kind of rich they have at this wedding. Those shots came from
            back there. Someone put a gun through that door and fired.

Jane        Did you see him?

Nick        No, my back was toward him. I’m going to open the door and take a look.

DOOR OPEN

Nora        Where does it lead?

Nick        To the hotel corridor. Whoever fired those shots has gone by now.

DOOR CLOSE

Jane        (weeps)

Nick        Take it easy, Jane. Shots don’t mean a thing unless they hit you.

Jane        I … I’m so frightened. This has been going on … ever since we’ve been
            married!

Nora        But Jane. You’ve only been married for a few minutes.

Arthur      That isn’t true. Jane and I were secretly married two weeks ago.

Nora        Oh, you jumped the gun.

Jane        We just went through this to satisfy relatives and friends … but from the
            day after our marriage, someone has been trying to kill us.

Arthur      Now, darling, don’t let it upset you. We can only die once … I mean …
            Nick and Nora will help us … won’t you?

Nick        Where were these murder attempts made?
                                                                                     5


Arthur   The first one was in our room in a small hotel in New Jersey. The second
         night after we were married. There were two more attempts … in a small
         hotel in Vermont …

Jane     It’s awful. You’ve got to help us, Nora.

Nora     Why should anyone want to kill you, Arthur?

Arthur   I don’t know. Unless it has something to do with all that money Dad left
         me. You know, I came into my estate the day I married. I think someone
         is trying to terrorize me … to extort money or something.

Nick     Did you inherit a lot of money?

Arthur   Well … quite a bit.

Jane     (whimper) What kind of honeymoon can we have if we’re always afraid
         of being killed? I want a live living husband for my honeymoon. (crying)

Arthur   There, turtledove. Nora will keep me alive. Nick, I’ve worked out a plan.

Nick     Yes?

Arthur   For this honeymoon … you be me … beginning right now.

Nick     What?

Arthur   Nora can put Jane’s bridal veil over her face, and rush out. You can turn
         up your collar, and if no one sees how old you are, you can pass for me.

Jane     And Nora can pass for me.

Arthur   We reserved the honeymoon suite at the Gilded Towers hotel. You take
         that suite and we’ll take your apartment.

Jane     Then you can be killed instead of us.

Nick     Well, … Jane … I don’t like being killed.

Jane     But Arthur says you’ve done it so often.

Nora     Of course he has. And we’ll find out who’s trying to harm you. I think
         it’s a grand idea. But I think we ought to change clothes to complete the
         deception.

Jane     All right. The boys can go behind that screen.
                                                                                       6



Arthur      Great. (FADE) Come on Nick.

Nick        (OFF) I’m not so sure I’m going to like this.

Nora        Here’s the key to our apartment, Jane.

Jane        Here’s my bridal gown, Nora. It zips up the side. Do you think I’ll make
            a good wife for Arthur?

Nora        Of course you will. You ready dear? I’m almost …

Nick        I’m ready now.

Nora        Keep your eyes peeled, darling. If the gunman’s in the crowd he’ll follow
            us, and that’ll make it easy to capture him.

Nick        Nora, I’m not so sure I can fool anyone into thinking I’m a bridegroom.

Nora        Try darling. Jane … and Arthur, you’d better slip out the side door … to
            the corridor.

Arthur      All right … and thanks a million. Come, Jane.

DOOR OPEN AND CLOSE

Nora        Nicky, you do look just like a bridegroom. How did you manage it?

Nick        I thought of the right thing to keep in my mind, I guess.

Nora        What’s that?

Nick        The mental picture of a murderer I know, walking down the last mile to
            the electric chair. Come dear …

DOOR OPEN

CROWD – AD LIB

MUSIC

Bellboy     The bridal suite is down the hall, Mr. and Mrs. Hornsby. (SILLY
            GIGGLE)

Nora        Thank you. Come, my cave man.
                                                                                          7


Nick        Yes, honeybun. Aren’t you supposed to blush a little, dear?

Nora        I’ve been trying all evening.

Nick        Choke a little. That’ll make you blush.

Nora        All right. (COUGHS) How’s that?

Nick        No good. I just hope the bellboy doesn’t get too suspicious.

DOOR OPEN

Bellboy     Here we are. (GIGGLE)

Nick        Come in, sugarfoot.

Nora        All right.

Bellboy     Good gracious. Aren’t you going to carry the bride across the threshold?
            What kind of a bridegroom are you anyway?

Nick        I forgot.

Bellboy     Well, it doesn’t do to forget such things. But if you forget anything else,
            I’ll remind you.

Nick        Really?

Bellboy     Yes. I know all about being a groom … and what a bride should do.

Nora        How interesting. How many times have you been a bride?

Bellboy     Never. But I’ve seen so many couple. You see the hotel assigns me to
            take care of the bridal suite. I’ve made a study of honeymooners.

Nick        What’s your name?

Bellboy     They call me Honeymoon Harvey. Well, come on now. Let’s get started.
            Carry the bride across the threshold.

Nick        OK, Buttercup. (GROAN) There …

Bellboy     You seem like a pretty weak groom to me. Put her down and kiss her. I’ll
            draw the shades.

Nora        Never mind.
                                                                                     8



Bellboy   Madame! Are you going to tell me what to do? I know more about these
          things than you. The shades will be drawn! (SHADE) There. Where’s
          your luggage?

Nick      Our bags will arrive later.

Bellboy   Later. Good gracious. Going on a honeymoon without – luggage. I think
          I’ll give you a lecture on …

Nick      Never mine. Here, boy. Just leave us alone.

Bellboy   Well, now you’re talking more like a honeymooner. But I usually leave
          people along for a bigger tip.

Nick      Don’t you have something else to do?

Bellboy   That’s how a man celebrating his twentieth anniversary talks. You ought
          to let me give you a few tips on how a groom is supposed to behave …

Nora      I’ll tell him, … Mr. Honeymoon Harvey. Are we keeping you?

Bellboy   OK, I can take a hint. Well, folks, if there’s anything you want, anything I
          can do for you, any errands you want done, any advice you need any
          information …

Nick      Don’t worry. We’ll call on you.

Bellboy   You’d better not because I won’t tell you a thing, Mr. and Mrs. Know-it-
          all. Good night.

DOOR CLOSE

Nora      We didn’t seem to fool him.

Nick      No. He must be a result of the manpower shortage. Darling, what’re we
          going to do about clothes?

Nora      We’ll phone our apartment and have Arthur and Jane send some over in
          the morning. Did anyone follow us here?

Nick      I didn’t notice anyone.

Nora      How do you like the way I look in Jane’s bridal gown?

Nick      You look blooming, dear … especially since it’s a little tight on you.
                                                                                        9



Nora        It is not. Are you trying to tell me I’m not as slim and girlish as Jane?

Nick        No darling. I’m trying to tell you Jane is not as charming and attractive as
            you, dear.

Nora        Why Nicky, you make me feel like a real bride again. Come here.

Nick        What for?

Nora        Do as I tell you and stop acting like a husband.

Nick        I wish I could. What do you want, baby?

Nora        Just this, silly. (KISS)

Nick        Holt me tight, Nora, and don’t take your lips away.

Nora        Darling … at last you’re a groom.

Nick        I am not. I’m just being sensible. We’re in danger.

Nora        What do you mean?

Nick        The connecting door to the next room is opening. We’re being watched
            by someone. I want to surprise them.

Nora        I get it. You think it’s the gunman who’s after Arthur?

Nick        Maybe. I can see the glint of a fun … in the crack of the door. Which hip
            do you prefer to land on?

Nora        The right. The left’s still bruised from last week.

Nick        OK. If the shooting starts, I’m going to push you over. Stay on the floor
            while I try to rush the gunman. And if …

SHOTS

Nora        (GASPS) Oh …

THUD

Nick        (FADE) I’m going after him, baby. Hey! Come back here!

DOOR OPEN
                                                                                 10



Nora    Nicky!

SHOTS

Nick    Come in the adjoining room! I’ve got him, baby! I’ll need some help!

Nora    I’m coming, darling. Oh, it’s dark in here. Where are you Nick?

Nick    Wrestling on the floor! Turn on the light switch and get out of the way of
        bullets!

SHOTS

Nora    (SHORT SCREAM) Oh … here’s the switch! (CLICK) Nick! Stop
        wrestling with that girl and find someone your size!

Bingo   Let go of my hand! You’re breaking my wrist!

Nick    Drop the gun and I’ll let go!

Bingo   (SHORT SCREAM) Oh! OK!

Nick    Get up.

Bingo   Who’s the tomato?

Nick    My wife.

Bingo   Do you train him to go around torturing girls?

Nick    Listen. Who are you? What’s your name?

Bingo   Bingo Burns. What’s yours?

Nick    Nick Charles. How’d you get the name of Bingo?

Bingo   They call me Bingo because I’m a right number.

Nora    Why’d you try to kill us?

Bingo   Because I made a mistake. I thought you were two other people. Look,
        pal, give me back my gun and we’ll call the whole thing off and forget
        about it.

Nora    Why do you want the gun? So you can kill someone else?
                                                                                  11



Bingo   Natch.

Nora    A woman?

Bingo   How’d you guess?

Nora    And would her name be … Jane Hornsby?

Bingo   You know too much;. I’m getting out of here!

Nick    Hey! Come back! Nora, stop her!

CRASH

Bingo   (SCREAM) Oh ….

Nick    Nice work, Nora. How’d you do it?

Nora    I tripped her. Cute little number, isn’t she?

Nick    Bingo!

MUSIC

COMMERCIAL

Anncr   And now Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer brings you ACT TWO of tonight’s Thin
        Man adventure. Nick and Nora posing as newlyweds, have just captured
        Bingo, a cute little number who tried to shoot them full of holes. Nora
        examines her as she comes out of her daze and tells Nick …

Nora    She looks good on the floor. Come on, Bingo. Get up and don’t try to get
        away again.

Bingo   All right … listen. Are you Nick the Dick?

Nick    Yes.

Bingo   I head you’re a right guy. I didn’t mean to kill you. Honest, I didn’t.

Nora    Did you mean to kill Jane Hornsby?

Bingo   I knew a woman would understand. Yeah. See? I’m honest. I confess.

Nora    Why did you want to murder her?
                                                                                    12



Bingo   I got a very good reason. I don’t like here. She stole Arthur, the little
        crook.

Nora    Was Arthur engaged to you?

Bingo   Well … I didn’t get around to proposing to him, but we were crazy about
        each other till she came along. (SOB) I guess I must be nuts about him.
        All I want to do is kill her. I love him so …

Nick    Were you at the wedding today?

Bingo   Yeah. I came disguised as a debutante.

Nick    Did you try to murder her there, too?

Bingo   Murder a girl at her wedding? What kind of character do you think I am?
        Did someone try to kill her?

Nora    Yes.

Bingo   Goody. I bet I know who it is! Snakey Simon Stacey.

Nick    Who’s Snakey Simon?

Bingo   A snake with pants on. I met him when I used to do my specialty in the
        cabaret. He’s a gambler who hisses like a snake when he talks. And he’s
        a friend of that Jane. She’s no Lily, she ain’t.

Nora    What are you talking about?

Bingo   Snakey Simon. I saw him at the wedding. And I saw him talking to Jane
        in that hotel in Jersey where they stayed when they got secretly married.

Nora    Oh, then you’ve been following Arthur around?

Bingo   Like a dog. I love him! … like a dog. (SOB)

Nick    Why should Jane be talking to Snakey Simon?

Bingo   For some sinister reason, I bet.

Nick    I’d like to get hold of this Snakey Simon.

Bingo   I’ll show you where he lives.
                                                                                  13


Nick       Not yet. First we’re going to check with Arthur on this story you’ve given
           us. Nora – phone our apartment.

Nora       All right dear….

(RECEIVER) (DIAL)

Nick       OK, Bingo. Who’re you working with?

Bingo      What’re you talking about?

Nick       What’s your racket? Who’s in it? Come on! Spill!

Bingo      (SOB) I got nothing to spill but tears. You got a deep misunderstanding
           of me. I am just a poor hard-working chorus girl who wants her
           millionaire … but not for the money, mind you. For love.

Arthur     (FILTER) Hello.

Nora       Hello?

Arthur     Nora?

Nora       Yes, Arthur.

Arthur     Nora! I was just going to phone you. Something awful has happened.

Nora       What?

Arthur     Jane’s disappeared.

Nora       Are you sure?

Arthur     I went downstairs for a minute … and she was gone when I got back. I
           know what the racket is now! I know why they terrorized me! They
           kidnapped Jane!

Jane       You stay there, Arthur. We’ll be right over.

Arthur     All right, Nora. I feel terrible. Goodbye.

Nora       Goodbye. (CLICK) Nick. Jane’s gone. Arthur says she was kidnapped.

Nick       OK, baby. You go over there and tell him about Bingo.

Nora       Where are you going?
                                                                                          14



Nick        To find Snakey Simon. I’ve got a good idea he’ll know where Jane is.
            Come on, Bingo.

Bingo       No.

Nick        But Jane’s kidnapped. They might even kill her.

Nora        Do you think Arthur’s going to like it if you behave like this?

Bingo       All right. For the sake of the man I love, I will rescue the tomato I hate.
            Leave us depart.

MUSIC

DOOR BUZZ

Bingo       I guess Snakey Simon isn’t home.

Nick        Wait a second, Bingo. I hear someone coming.

DOOR UNLCOK AND OPEN

Snakey      (HISSING) Yes …

Bingo       Hello, Snakey Simon.

Snakey      Hello, Bingo. Who’s the friend?

Nick        The name’s Nick Charles. Can I come in?

Snakey      Ya can… but ya can’t.

Nick        Why not?

Snakey      Because you ain’t welcome.

Bingo       You see the low kind of snake he is?

Snakey      I know who you are, Charles. What do you want with me?

Nick        I want Jane Hornsby.

Snakey      I never heard of her. Now, scram … (SHOTS) (SCREAM) Oh, ….

Bingo       (SCREAM) Nick! His shirt’s bleeding blood!
                                                                                 15



Nick    Yes. He was shot from the back …

Bingo   Grab him! He’s toppling forward!

Nick    I’ve got him … but I can’t hold him … oh …. (CRASH) Bingo, pull him
        off me.

Bingo   Oh, no, I won’t touch him. He’s all full of blood.

Nick    So am I. This guy weighs two hundred pounds. Pull him away.

Bingo   Is he dead?

Nick    Yes.

Bingo   Then I won’t touch him. It’s bad luck.

Nick    (GROAN) Ah … there … maybe I can squeeze out.

Bingo   You’re doing all right.

Nick    Yes, you’ve been a big help.

Bingo   Don’t mention it.

Nick    The killer may still be inside …. Come on in.

Bingo   If the killer’s still there, I’m staying right here … in the door way.

Nick    (OFF) It’s all right, Bingo (FADE IN) Whoever shot him in the back
        escaped through the servant’s entrance.

Bingo   Oh. Well, you’d better drag him in.

Nick    OK. There. (DOOR CLOSE) Well, I didn’t expect this.

Bingo   I didn’t do it! I was with you every minute! I’m innocent. Absolutely,
        positively as innocent as a baby! Innocent, innocent, innocent!

Nick    Who said you weren’t?

Bingo   Do you think he kidnapped Jane?

Nick    He must have been working with someone.
                                                                                16


PHONE RING

Bingo     Do not disturb yourself. I will answer. (RECEIVER) Hello.

George    (FILTER) Hello, Chicklet. How’s our little investment?

Bingo     Oh, I’m fine.

Nick      Give me that phone, Bingo!

Bingo     Here.

Nick      Hello.

George    (FILTER) Hello …. Is that you Snakey?

Nick      (HISSING) Yess… ‘s me. Whoziss?

George    Georgie de Germ. I hear you got da Investment dare.

Nick      Yeah.

George    Ask her when we’re going to get the dividends.

Nick      Dividends?

George    You know what I’m talking about. What’s the matter with you Snakey?
          You sound queer.

Nick      I got some people here. Where can I see you?

George    My hotel.

Nick      Wait for me. Goodbye.

George    Goodbye.

RECEIVER HANG UP

Bingo     Say, what’re you doing with the corpse, Nick?

Nick      Going through his pockets.

Bingo     Huh. There are money-making angles to this detective racket I never even
          thought of. Do I get a cut?
                                                                                     17


Nick      Here’s his address book. I’m just looking up the address of a character
          named George the Germ. Huh. This must be it. Hotel Chandelier.

Bingo     Oh, that place. You have to have a police record before they’ll even let
          you register.

Nick      Come on, Bingo. We’re going to see him.

Bingo     What for?

Nick      We might find Jane there.

Bingo     I hope she ain’t dead. Nick … that man called me an Investment. Is that
          an insult?

Nick      No, Bingo. I think that’s the key to this whole mess. Remind me to call
          Nora from the lobby of the Chandelier.

MUSIC BRIDGE

Arthur    Nora, we should have heard from Jane by this time. Or we should have
          heard from the kidnappers.

Nora      I’m sure Nick will find her, Arthur.

Arthur    I can’t believe that Bingo was mixed up in this. She’s a good kid at heart.
          What a thing to happen on a guy’s second wedding night.

PHONE RING

Nora      I’ll take that, Arthur. (RECEIVER) Hello?

Nick      (FILTER) Nora, Baby. Is Arthur OK?

Nora      Yes.

Nick      Snakey’s been murdered. Listen … meet us in room 788 of the Hotel
          Chandelier. Get there as fast as you can.

Nora      All right dear. Shall I bring Arthur?

Nick      Yes. Goodbye.

Nora      Goodbye. 9CLICK) Come on, Arthur. We’re going out.
                                                                                       18


Arthur      No, I can’t leave here. The kidnappers may contact me … (DOOR
            BUZZ) I’ll bet that’s the intermediary.

DOOR OPEN

Jane        Arthur …

Arthur      Jane, darling! OH, my little fruitfly.

Jane        They were horrible. But they got scared and let me go. (SOB) Oh,
            Arthur. (KISS)

Nora        Arthur … (PAUSE) Jane …? We’ve got to meet Nick. Stop kissing and
            start breathing or you’ll both suffocate. Arthur!

Arthur      (DAZED) We don’t need Nick now. Just close the door when you go out,
            Nora. My little gumdrop (KISS).

Jane        My tutti-frutti (KISS).

Nora        My .. neck. Goodbye.

DOOR SLAM

MUSIC BRIDGE

George      I don’t know who killed Snakey. And what’s more I don’t like you here
            bringin’ all kinds of high-class germs into my hotel suite.

Nick        Listen, George. I want to know who’s the Investment.

George      I am the strong silent type … especially silent. Don’t touch that glass!

Bingo       I was just looking at it.

George      You’ll get it full of germs!

Nick        So that’s why they call you George the Germ.

George      I only let me friends call me that.

Nick        What kind of deal were you in with Snakey?

George      Stop asking so many questions. I ain’t telling you nothin’. And you can’t
            prove nothin’ on me. I not only have kept my nose clean – I’m antiseptic.
                                                                                      19


DOOR OPEN

Nora        Nicky – I rushed over here.

Nick        Hello, darling.

DOOR CLOSE

George      Don’t kiss her, you dope. You never can tell what you’ll catch.

Nick        Nora, this character is Georgie the Germ.

Bingo       A little crazy.

George      I am not. And what’s more, you don’t understand about germs.

Bingo       Don’t you ever kiss girls?

George      Of course not. Do you think I want to die?

Nick        OK, Georgie, I think I’ve got a way to make you tell us what we want to
            know.

George      Hey! Let go of me!

Nick        Bingo, if you want to get your man back – kiss George!

George      (SCREAM) No! Not that!

Bingo       Shut up. (KISS)

Nick        Who’s the Investment?

George      I ain’t sayin’.

Nora        Nick, let me kiss him.

Nick        Go on. Darling. I’ll hold his arms. Steady there, Georgie.

George      Another one! What’s going to happen to me!

Nora        Something dire, I’m sure. (KISS)

George      (SCREAM) I can’t bear it! I can’t stand it!

Nick        Then … talk!
                                                                                  20



George   No.

Bingo    Let’s kiss him together, Nora. That’ll crack him.

George   Together! This is the end! You win, Nick!

Nick     Is Jane … the Investment?

George   Yes. Snakey and I put up the money for her to buy clothes and such when
         she met Arthur Hornsby. We financed her whole romance.

Bingo    No wonder I didn’t win. Nobody financed me.

Nick     What was to be the payoff? Were you planning to kill Arthur?

George   That’s right. Then Jane would get his dough and we’d all split.

Nick     Where’s Jane now?

Nora     She’s … at our place, dear … with Arthur!

Nick     What?

Nora     She came in a moment after you phoned. I left them in each other’s arms.

Nick     That’s as good a way to die as any. Come on. We’d better get back there.
         I just hope we’re not too late!

MUSIC

COMMERCIAL

Anncr    And now for the solution of tonight’s Thin Man adventure.

Jane     Were you terribly worried about me, Sugarplum?

Arthur   I most certainly was, Jane, darling. What’re you doing with that gun,
         Dewdrop?

Jane     Just seeing how it works. I’m never going to be without one again.

Arthur   Where did you get it?

Jane     I packed it in my luggage. It works beautifully dear. Just like this …
                                                                                     21


DOOR OPEN

Arthur      Nick! What’re you doing here?

Nick        I live here. Or have you forgotten? Arthur, Nora’s downstairs. She’s got
            a surprise wedding gift for you. Will you go down and help her up with
            it?

Arthur      Sure. I wonder what it could be.

DOOR CLOSE

Nick        Jane, did you ever have your wrists slapped?

Jane        Not since I was a naughty little girl. (SLAP) Oh … (GUN CLATTER)
            What’s the idea?

Nick        That’s because you were a naughty big girl. And to get the gun out of
            your hand.

Jane        Just what are you after?

Nick        A split on the take.

Jane        I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Nick        Arthur’s money. I know who killed Snakey.

Jane        Do you?

Nick        Yeah. And this gun I’ve got in my hand can send you to the electric chair.
            You’d better be real nice to me, Jane.

Jane        That isn’t so hard. Nick …

Nick        Do we do business?

Jane        Anything you say. You’re cute.

Nick        Isn’t that funny? I think so, too. Look, I’ve got a patsy for Snakey’s
            murder. I can use him for Arthur’s, too.

Jane        Who?

Nick        George the Germ. I can frame him with this gun. Why’d you kill
            Snakey? Because you didn’t want to split the take?
                                                                                       22



Jane     Yeah. And because he was impatient … and tried to scare me … like
         when he started shooting after the wedding today.

Nick     Well, you’d better not try to double cross me. Will you get rid of Arthur
         … when I send him back?

Jane     OK. How much do you want?

Nick     Fifty percent of what you get.

Jane     It’s a deal. Give me back the gun.

Nick     Don’t be silly, Jane. (CALL) Arthur … Nora … Bingo …. You can
         come out of the kitchen now.

Arthur   Dewdrop! How you deceived me.

Jane     What is this?

Nora     A trap, Janie. We heard your confession. We heard everything you said.
         We sneaked through the servant’s entrance.

Bingo    You see, Arthur? She’s a jerk with a heart of dirt, like I told you. I love
         you. If you marry me, I wouldn’t try to bump you off. I love you, Arty.

Nick     All right, Nora. Call the police and tell them to get the bridal suite ready
         at headquarters.

MUSIC

Nora     Poor Arthur. I bet he’ll never want to marry again.

Nick     Don’t worry. Bingo will console him and change his mind.

Nora     She’s a cute trick.

Nick     Yes, … and wrestles well. It’s amazing that a boy like Arthur can be such
         a darn fool about women.

Nora     Is it, dear?

Nick     Sure. Now you take me for instance …

Nora     The only reason you didn’t make a fool of yourself about women is that
         you did take me.
                                                                                       23



Nick      Why no … I was always very sensible.

Nora      Really? What about that fortune teller you were going to marry because
          she told you it was in the cards? Or the trapeze artist you liked because
          she raised herself to great heights? Or that college girl cheer leader who
          was always rooting for you?

Nick      Oh well. I was just young.

Nora      Yes. And I had to get you when you’re old.

Nick      Well, darling, I was old enough to know what a wonderful girl I was
          getting.

Nora      Why, Nicky, that’s really sweet.

Nick      I think so, too. Let me say it tonight

Nora      What?

Nick      (KISS) Good night … Nora darling …

MUSIC

                                   CLOSING

Anncr     Be sure to listen next Tuesday night when Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer brings
          you another happy, exciting Thin Man adventure. Next week -- “The
          Adventure of the Haunted Hams”, when Nick and Nora go to the country
          and discover that livestock aren’t the only stock in barns during the
          summer. The Adventures of the Thin Man is brought to you by the Pabst
          Brewing Company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Newark, New Jersey, and
          Peoria, Illinois.

          This is __________________, saying goodnight with the best wishes of
          Pabst Blue Ribbon dealers from coast to coast.

MUSIC UP AND OUT

				
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