6 Kinds of Protesters You'll Find at the DNC
People in dead or bloody costumes Ok, we get it, you're dead. A lot of soldiers and civilians have died in Iraq, it's tragic, and we all agree that something needs to be done. Now please go make a sign like a semi-normal person.
People who go toe to toe with the cops It looks like this fellow was planning his encounter with the police, wearing a mask and goggles to protect against pepper spray. Hey dude, when that cop that looks totally pissed slams his baton right into the middle of your dreadlocks, let us know how well those goggles protected you.
People who act like they're at a parade Look, we're sure that was some really stony shit you smoked right before you headed to the DNC, but if you turn down the Phish album and pay attention you'll realize you're at a serious political event and not a street fair. Now please put your shirt on.
People selling useless crap The drive to turn a quick buck is what has made America great (or at least pretty good), but at the DNC? It takes an odd mix of political awareness, greed, and shamelessness to sell unlicensed Barack Obama dolls, but on the other hand, neat! Barack Obama dolls! These are going right next to our Al Gore Dolls.
People holding signs for non-candidates Hillary Clinton is a savvy politician, there's no denying that, but one thing she isn't is the Democratic nominee. No amount of wishful thinking or sign-toting will change that, so please come back into the reality with the rest of us. Oh, and don't even think about breaking out your Lyndon LaRouche sign.
Just outside the DNC, a group of angry protesters chanted "Fuck Fox News" and ejected Fox correspondent Griff Jenkins from the scene. Whatever you may feel about Fox News, everyone in the mob saw fit to exercise their right to freedom of speech, and at the same time felt no compunction about denying the journalist his. It is this blend of loudness, political tunnel vision, and complete lack of a sense of irony that makes the perfect protester.