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					      Good Grief

How grieving is necessary in
overcoming loss and tragedy
                       Five stages of grief
   From time to time, everyone experiences grief for one reason or another. It is
important to realize that there is a grieving process and that the process takes time,
                                    but you will heal.

         Stage One: Denial                         Stage Four: Depression
         “This can't be happening to               Feelings of hopelessness,
         me". No crying. Not accepting             frustration, bitterness, self pity,
         or even acknowledging the                 lack of control, and feeling numb.
         loss.
         Stage Two: Anger                          Stage Five: Acceptance
         “Why me?“ Feelings of wanting             Finding the good that can come out
         to fight back, get even, or               of the pain of loss, finding comfort
         blame others.                             and healing.


        Stage Three: Bargaining
                                                   Throughout this process, get help
        Attempting to make deals with              from friends, family, and the school
        yourself or others to undo the             counselor.
        harm.
              Stage One: Denial
 “Surely this isn't happening to me.” Everything's really
  okay.

 Denial is powerful, effective, and sometimes essential for
  dealing with crisis. There is a time and a place in which
  denial is perhaps the most healthy response. Eventually,
  however, there is a time and place for denial to end so you
  can confront the problem and begin the healing process.

 Then in the middle of healing, you may resume your denial.
  That's okay. That's normal. That's sort of what's supposed
  to happen when you're grieving.
           Stage Two: Anger
 Anger is normal and sometimes appropriate. Let's
  be honest, sometimes you have been directly or
  indirectly wronged.

 However, your primary task in dealing with anger,
  of course, is to acknowledge and accept the
  feelings of anger you have…either toward yourself
  or others, while at the same time avoiding
  behaviors that will hurt yourself and others.
        Stage Three: Bargaining
 Bargaining is not negotiating; that's an entirely different use
  of the term. Also, bargaining is not a plan that you work out
  in counseling.

 I'm speaking here of the desperate, "I'll do anything -- just
  tell me what" kind of statements that people make when
  grieving. This is the most painful stage of the grieving
  process because you are so willing to do anything to
  change the situation.

 That doesn't mean, though, that it's wrong to engage in
  bargaining behavior. Again, it's a normal part of the
  process. It's just that you need to move through it so you
  can continue the grieving process. And just like denial,
  bargaining will pop back up when you thought you were
  past all that; again, that's normal.
         Stage Four: Depression
 Depression is merely a different flavor of anger. Instead of
  being directed at others, depression is anger you turn
  toward yourself. Not surprisingly, then, your task is to
  handle depression in the same way you do anger -- to
  acknowledge and accept the feelings you have of your own
  unworthiness without acting on those feelings to hurt
  yourself or others.

 Like I did with bargaining, I need to clarify here the way in
  which I use the term "depression." I'm not speaking here of
  the clinical depression that is so prevalent in divorce. I'm
  speaking instead of the normal, temporary feelings nearly
  everyone has during the grieving process.
         Stage Five: Acceptance
 There is a difference between resignation and acceptance.
  You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly.

 Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage.
  Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not
  their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases
  of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their
  right frame of mind).

 Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss,
  finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward
  personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.
                    Getting Help
 Get help. You will survive. You will heal, even if you cannot
  believe that now, just know that it is true.

 To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive,
  human. But we can't stop living. We have to become
  stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of
  one day being healed and finding love and/or happiness
  again.

 Helping others through something we have experienced is
  a wonderful way to facilitate our healing and bring good out
  of something tragic.

				
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posted:12/11/2011
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