VIEWS: 7 PAGES: 8 POSTED ON: 12/11/2011
Good Grief How grieving is necessary in overcoming loss and tragedy Five stages of grief From time to time, everyone experiences grief for one reason or another. It is important to realize that there is a grieving process and that the process takes time, but you will heal. Stage One: Denial Stage Four: Depression “This can't be happening to Feelings of hopelessness, me". No crying. Not accepting frustration, bitterness, self pity, or even acknowledging the lack of control, and feeling numb. loss. Stage Two: Anger Stage Five: Acceptance “Why me?“ Feelings of wanting Finding the good that can come out to fight back, get even, or of the pain of loss, finding comfort blame others. and healing. Stage Three: Bargaining Throughout this process, get help Attempting to make deals with from friends, family, and the school yourself or others to undo the counselor. harm. Stage One: Denial “Surely this isn't happening to me.” Everything's really okay. Denial is powerful, effective, and sometimes essential for dealing with crisis. There is a time and a place in which denial is perhaps the most healthy response. Eventually, however, there is a time and place for denial to end so you can confront the problem and begin the healing process. Then in the middle of healing, you may resume your denial. That's okay. That's normal. That's sort of what's supposed to happen when you're grieving. Stage Two: Anger Anger is normal and sometimes appropriate. Let's be honest, sometimes you have been directly or indirectly wronged. However, your primary task in dealing with anger, of course, is to acknowledge and accept the feelings of anger you have…either toward yourself or others, while at the same time avoiding behaviors that will hurt yourself and others. Stage Three: Bargaining Bargaining is not negotiating; that's an entirely different use of the term. Also, bargaining is not a plan that you work out in counseling. I'm speaking here of the desperate, "I'll do anything -- just tell me what" kind of statements that people make when grieving. This is the most painful stage of the grieving process because you are so willing to do anything to change the situation. That doesn't mean, though, that it's wrong to engage in bargaining behavior. Again, it's a normal part of the process. It's just that you need to move through it so you can continue the grieving process. And just like denial, bargaining will pop back up when you thought you were past all that; again, that's normal. Stage Four: Depression Depression is merely a different flavor of anger. Instead of being directed at others, depression is anger you turn toward yourself. Not surprisingly, then, your task is to handle depression in the same way you do anger -- to acknowledge and accept the feelings you have of your own unworthiness without acting on those feelings to hurt yourself or others. Like I did with bargaining, I need to clarify here the way in which I use the term "depression." I'm not speaking here of the clinical depression that is so prevalent in divorce. I'm speaking instead of the normal, temporary feelings nearly everyone has during the grieving process. Stage Five: Acceptance There is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind). Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person. Getting Help Get help. You will survive. You will heal, even if you cannot believe that now, just know that it is true. To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive, human. But we can't stop living. We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day being healed and finding love and/or happiness again. Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to facilitate our healing and bring good out of something tragic.
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