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Northgate House Drama 07
A Journey Through The Wild Lives Of Many Through A Look At The Calibration Of The Lives Of A Few, Living As They See Fit: Pirates in Rehab
A basic overview:
A group of pirates, living the pirate lifestyle on the open seas encounter one too many unsuccessful booty-trips and start to wonder if perhaps the life of the pirate is not for them anymore. When they return to land, they go to a rehabilitation clinic to help them learn the ways of the land-lubber. While there, the doctors try various treatments and techniques to encourage the pirates to loose their piratey-disorders; however, they end up influencing the doctors to become pirates themselves! The whole shenanigans ends with the whole group heartily singing a sea shanty and throwing a huge pirate-party! Arr me hearties! Characters: Manatee (comes on in between the scenes, has a medium amount of lines) Fisherman (only in the first scene, has a medium amount of lines) Pirate #1 (a main part) Pirate #2 (a main part) Pirate #3 (a main part) Doctor #1 (a secondary part, is on stage for a proportion of the play, many lines) Doctor #2 (a secondary part, is on stage for a proportion of the play, many lines) Nurse (A small part that comes on a few times) Receptionist #1 (A small to medium part, comes on a few times) Receptionist #2 (A small to medium part, comes on a few times) Paul Edwards (only has two lines, has to pretend to have a superhero disorder. By pretend to have, I mean „act‟.) Teacher (Has a lil bit to say, know what I means?) Cleaner (Has to do a bit of mopping) Ravers/Partygoers (extras) (on for one party scene as party goers, then again at the end as pirates! Arrr shipmates!)
The play starts with the curtains closed, and a manatee swims on in front of the closed curtains.
Manatee: Hellooooo! I aaam a manatee! This stooorry is of a band of piiirates! Glob glob! I hope you enjoy the story! It starts onboard the mighty pirate ship, just before a dangerous attack on a nearby commercial vessel!
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Northgate House Drama 07
The manatee swims off away behind the curtains, which open to show the pirate ship, with the three pirates on board!
Pirate #1: Avast ye shipmates! Pirate #2: Ship-ho! [Points off side of the stage] Pirate #3: [looks down telescope] Ahh! Tis a fine lookin‟ ship! I thinks we should board „em „n‟ take their treasures! Pirate #2: A good plan! Set our course for interception! Pirate #1: Aaarr!
The three pirates raise a sail on their ship or do something similar to signify that they are actually moving on the sea, as the „boat‟ will not be moving, while another ship is pushed on from the other side of the stage, the fishing ship.
Pirate #2: Prepare to be boooarded! Pirate #3: Surrender ye treasure! Pirate #1: Arr!
The pirates jump across to the fishing ship.
Fisherman: Whoah! Wait! I‟m just a little old fisherman, all I have is fish. Please don‟t hurt me! Pirate #2: We ain‟t here to hurt ya pal, we‟re jus here for ye loot. Pirate #1: Give us the loot or we‟ll take if from ye! Fisherman: Okay okay, take it! It‟s a bit smelly anyway! Pirate #3: I‟ll get it from this ships hold! [Jumps down below deck of ship] Fisherman: The fishing community is not going to be happy about this!
The pirates hop off back to their ship, being rather merry about their lil lootin‟ spree; while the fisherman pushes his ship back offstage. After a lil cheer n celebration, the pirates settle down onboard their boat.
Pirate #3: Tis good fun to be a pirate! Pirate #2: Yar! I agree tis good fun to be a pirate! Pirate #1: Arr! Yar! But…well… Pirate #2: What is it meheartie? Pirate #1: Well…out of the last ten rounds of booty we‟ve raided, how much of it is actually decent treasure? Pirate #3: Well I dunno there! Arrhm…well looks see we‟ve got the fish from that boat we just boarded. We‟ve got this bag of sweets we stole from those kids in the inflatable dingy. Pirate #2: Arr! „Ere we go look! Proper treasure! Precious coins! Pirate #1: They‟re chocolate coins though look! [eats one coin] And this bag of sweets?! Wow, we‟ve really done our pirate forefathers proud there!
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Northgate House Drama 07
Pirate #3: Welll...arr…there‟s not much loot to be looted really anymore be tharr? Pirate #2: What? Arr, are ye sayin‟ perhaps we shouldn‟t be pirates anymore? Pirate #1: Well…yar…methinks I am. Pirate #3: Really? Are we ready to give up on the pirate life we‟ve been livin‟ for all these years? Pirate #2: Yarr mehearties. I am. Pirate #1: Yar me too mehearties. Pirate #3: Arr then. We shall set sail for the land. And make a life as some land-lubbers!
The curtain closes. The manatee swims on from the side of the stage.
Manatee: Helllooooo! Glub! So the pirates sailed across the seas that they‟d once…pirate-ed…over for so many years, in search of a new life, on the land. A comparison to Charles Darwin‟s evolution theory perhaps, with the sea creatures crawling out to begin their journey of evolution; or just a random plot created one afternoon as a group discussed what they could write a play about? [A lil pause here, however long seems fit] The story continues…
The manatee leaves the stage, in whatever way they wanna go really…doesn‟t bother me. The stage curtains open very slowely – just for comedy‟s sake. There should be a sign or something to show that they‟re now on land and in the reception of the rehab clinic. Perhaps a desk or table with the receptionist sat behind it and a sign saying „rehab clinic‟ winkwink. The pirates walk on and over to the receptionists.
Pirate #1: Ello! Pirate #2: g‟day! Pirate #3: Hello there madam and mister. We‟re three pirates that have deiceded that the pirate life is not for them anymore, and we are seeking a rehabilitation centre to see if we can be calibrated to function in everyday life on solid earth-land. Receptionist #1: Sure thaang! Lemme jus check to see if we‟ve got any spaces... [Just flicks through glossy magazine] yeaaa we‟ve got three places spare on our pirate rehabilitation course, you can join that. Pirate #1: arr! Excellent taah! Pirate #2: Yar! Pirate #3: Arr mehearties! We shall wait here until our doctors arrive. In five minutes.
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Northgate House Drama 07
Receptionist #2: Your doctors will be along in five minutes. You can wait here if you like. Pirate #1: Arr! We shall wait.
The group waits for a short while, which feels a lot longer than it actually is, due to the fact that no one is doing anything, bar the cleaner whom walk across the stage mopping; and a whole audience is just watching this said cleaner. After this short while that feels longer than it actually is, the doctors enter onto the stage.
Doctor #1: Hello. Pirate #1: Hello. Pirate #2: Hello. Pirate #3: Hello. Doctor #1: I am your doctor, as is this doctor [gestures to the other doctor] Doctor #2: Hello! Pirate #1: Hello. Pirate #2: Hello. Pirate #3: Hello. Doctor #2: Your rehabilitation course will start immediately. We‟ll have to take all your piratey stuff away. So if you could hand over the patches and parrots n schtuff. Pirate #2: Where shall we put it? Doctor #1: Ahmm…how about in this nice metaphorical box! [Gestures around
a metaphorical box]
The pirates take off their patches „n‟ put them in the „box‟, or pretend to, if the backstage guys/girls have failed to produce any piratey-like props. Pretending is just as fun though.
Pirate #3: Arr! This be jus the right size of box! Pirate #1: Arr! Doctor #2: I‟m afraid all that pirate lingo will have to go too. If we hear any of it, then we‟ll have to punish you. Receptionist: Ooo kinky!! Doctor #1: Excuse you! We don‟t need you to make comments like that! Receptionist: What? I was just talking about this article [holds up magazine] right? Check it out…this guy is going out with this girl right? But she‟s also into this other girl yea? N so the guy is like… Doctor #2: …annnd that‟s quite enough about that! Come, you pirates! The rehabilitation must begin!
The doctors mush the pirates off the side of the stage. The curtains close. They can close really slowely again, if you think it‟s funny. If you think that‟s just silly
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Northgate House Drama 07
then fine, they can close at the average curtain-speed rate. The manatee comes on, to much applause…hopefully.
Manatee: Hellloooooo! So as you can seeee, the pirates have entered the rehab clinic, on a rehabilitation course. Over the next coming weeks, the doctors and nurses try many different techniques to turn the pirates‟ naturally instinctive ways. Glubblebobble! Of all the attempts the clinic workers tried, three really struck through to the pirates…
The manatee once more, exits the stage. The curtain opens to reveal just the doctors and the pirates on the stage, with no other props or stuffs.
Doctor #1: Right, what we‟re going to do now is let you go to a party, one that the normal land-dwellers would go to. Doctor #2: Our nurse will go with you too, to keep an eye on you.
The doctors walk off and the nurse walks onto the stage.
Nurse: Come with me, the party is this way!
The pirates and the nurse walk round in a circle around the stage.
Nurse: Here we go, we are at the party!
Many extras jump onto the stage and boogie on down to some music that is playing from a player somewhere n some lights or glowsticks are waved around, to show that there really is a party atmosphere. The pirates move to the front of the stage.
Pirate #1: I‟m really enjoying this! Pirate #2: Yes, my friend! I could become used to doing this often! Pirate #3: Yeah mate, although I really can‟t resist the urge to loot something! There‟s just so much bounty to take here! Pirate #1: No! We must not! Pirate #2: No, you can‟t! We have to try to adjust, we‟re not pirates anymore! Pirate #3: But…but…the temptation!! The pirate within me is just crying out!
The curtain closes quickly on the scene. They open rapidly again, back in the rehab clinic. Just the pirates the nurse and the doctors are on the stage again, as was before they went off for the party.
Doctor #1: How did you find the party? Pirate #2: I thought t‟was mighty fun yar! Pirate #1: Yaar! T‟was!
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Northgate House Drama 07
Pirate #3: It was alright, I kept having urges to loot the people there! Aarr! Doctor #2: Ah no!! But did you? Pirate #3: Aarr no! Pirate #2: Aarr no! Pirate #1: Aarr I don‟t thiiiink so...Yar I did not! Doctor #1: Right! You‟re making excellent progress! Doctor #2: Yes, it is time to move onto our next treatment. We‟re going to give you some speech lessons, to remove that dang pirate accent! Pirate #1: Arrr! Yaar! Pirate #2: Aaaaaarrr! Yar! Pirate #3: Yaaar! Aaarrr! Yaar! Pirate #2: Yaaaar! Yaaar Aaarr! Pirate #1: Yaar Aarr Aaar Yar mehearties? Doctor #1: Okay. The classroom is this way.
The nurse who was just standing there looking like a wally walks off stage, while the two doctors and the pirates walk around the stage for a while as the curtain closes. Hurriedly, the prop people will put a few chairs on the stage for the pirates and desk for the teacher. This is when the curtain will open! Dramatically!
Teacher: Yo mates! I issit your teacher! Safe. Yo. All Pirates: Aaaarrr! Howdy! Teacher: Safesafe. Right. Innit. We got a big class today innit! [gestures to the audience] [Talks to audience] Yoyo! You all here to learn sum EEeeeenngliiiiiish? Wicked innit. Yeah safe pirate home boys fo‟ life lets help u get down with the lingo. Now, what you say if you meet one of yo‟ homeboyz on da streets? Pirate #1: Avast shipmate. Teacher: What you chattin on you iz barking up the wrong metaphorical tree? [to audience] What do you guys say to your homeboyz? Ay? [Wait for audience to reply]. Yeah, well I‟d say „yo word hows it hanging?‟ Now you pirate try that? Pirate #3: Avast shipmate how about splicing the main brace! Teacher: [sakes head] I‟m going to be here for a while.
Curtains close manatee comes out. Whilst doctors and receptionists come onto stage pirates go off.
Manatee: Heellloooo, it‟s me. The speech therapist spent hours with the pirates trying to get them to speak proper ghetto, but alas he failed. This caused some confusion between the doctors about what to do next.
Manatee leaves stage curtains open with just the doctors and the receptionists on stage. Doctors are talking to each other.
Doctor #1: I feel like were going backwards with these pirates.
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Northgate House Drama 07
Doctor #2: Yar tell me about it. I almost feel like I‟m turning into a pirate. Doctor #1: Did you just say Yarr? Doctor #2: Narrr why would I say Yarr? Doctor #1: Maybe you are turning into a pirate you scurvy dog.
Doctors walk off stage.
Receptionist #1: Have you seen my chest recently? Receptionist #2: Yeah its here [Picks up a chest and puts it on a table] Receptionist #1: Cheers
Small pause, cleaner walks on behind.
Receptionist #2: Why do you constantly clean this place? Cleaner: [Makes general noise and walks mopping down the steps and all the way to the back of the hall] Paul Edwards: I‟m here for superhero rehab. Receptionist #2: Yeah third queue on the left. Paul Edwards: Do not fear citizen I will fly there. Up up and away [casual stroll
off with arm in the air]
Receptionist #1: We really do get some weirdo‟s in this clinic. Receptionist #2: Yarr.
Curtain closes as Paul strolls off stage. Manatee comes on!
Manatee: And for days the doctors tried to change the pirates. But they wouldn‟t change their attitudes. Eventually, it got tooooo thheee point where even the doctors felt like giving the pirate life a go.
Curtains open, to show the pirates and doctors stood – they could be stood anywhere, no need to give the audience any hints about where they are through any use of stage props!
Doctor #1: So how do you guys do it? Doctor #2: Yar! Ye seems so happy as pirates! Pirate #2: Well. Us pirates know how to hold a shindig! Pirate #1: Yar! We‟ve spent ages trying to be like you “normal” people. But we‟re yet to have as much fun as we did when we was pirates! Pirate #3: Yaaaarar!! Tis so be true mehearties! Doctor #1: Well…perhaps we should learn something from each other! Doctor #2: Yeah…why don‟t you hold a lil party, so we can get a taste for your life! Maybe that will help us understand your situation! All Pirates: Yaaar! A good ol‟ fashioned pirate-party is in hand! AVAST!
Teacher hops on from side of the stage.
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Northgate House Drama 07
Teacher: Break it down now yo!
Everyone comes onto the stage to the pirate music, and everyone parties away. A few people can pull a few people from the audience saying things like „Aar! You look like pirate-crew material‟ etc. After much partying the curtains close and the manatee swims on for the last time.
Manatee: Heelloooooo! So as you see, the moral of the story is that we should take some time to see things from other people‟s perspective. For only then, can you reaaally have a funky pirate-party! Woo!
Manatee goes off through closed curtains.
The End By Tom Hawes