“Sex, Drugs and UFOs”
by
JS Lennox
JS Lennox (760) 480-4109 jslennox@yahoo.com
FADE IN: EXT.SOMEWHERE IN THE CALIFORNIA DESERT-NIGHT A clear night sky towers intensifying a feeling of unbounded space. As we move along the horizon a vast dark desert can be seen. The lonely sound of an elf owl is all that can be heard on the land. A rush of wind and suddenly an ALIEN CRAFT comes wobbling over the ridge. It shoots straight up into the sky and hovers for a second then dives down along the ground knocking down several mesquite trees. It then comes up along a dirt road and knocks over a gate and old guard house then lifts up a large section of fencing. It continues its mad dash along the desert until it crashes into a gully. A door opens along the bottom of the craft and the head of BURTON DAVIS (mid 30s) a bookish bespectacled man shakily emerges. He crawls out onto the ground. We see an AH64 APACHE HELICOPTER prowling low along the desert. A high intensity light illuminates the ground. Three military HUMVEES come up over the ridge also shining lights onto the desert. Heavily armed SOLDIERS dressed in black can be seen through the windows. Burton pulls a small silver craft from the craft and limps away. As the Apache searches, the Humvees move through the bushes. Burton is defiant. BURTON (singing) Two, Four, Six, Eight, who do we assassinateHe’s now running at full speed but he doesn’t get very far as he loses a leg in a gopher hole. He screams in pain and goes to the ground. The Apache and military vehicles are now upon the craft. Burton is dragging himself along the desert. He slides up besides a mesquite tree and lies against it with his back to the soldiers. Two soldiers pop their heads out of the top of the humvees. They face in opposite directions' weapons pointed. The Apache hovers overhead. 1
CLOSE UP of SEMIAUTOMATIC WEAPONS. They unleash a fierce barrage of bullets. They spray indiscriminately around the craft trying to flush Burton out like a gamebird. Bullets buzz angrily over Burton’s head and kick up jets of sand around him. The soldiers stop firing. Burton reaches down and grabs his side. He looks at his hand and it is covered in blood. The military vehicles begin moving. Luckily for Burton, away from him. Burton staggers to his feet. His side and foot are in bad shape. He looks up at the sky and then heads off into the vast desert. EXT. NEWSSTAND – DAY A crowded newsstand somewhere in Los Angeles. BEN (late 20s) a handsome, confident individual and his friend and employee TED (early 20s) one of the driest of the dry look over a row of magazines. CAROL (20s) beautiful and intelligent, stands a few people away reading. Ben keeps glancing over at her. The fat OWNER sits on a stool out front. BEN (to Carol) She is beautiful and therefore to be wooed’d. CAROL (glancing back) Excuse me? BEN It’s Shakespeare. CAROL Oh. BEN One expresses well only the love he does not feel. CAROL (glancing back again) I beg your pardon?
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BEN It’s another saying. It’s one of my favorites. TED (to Al) Hey Al, what did you with the adult mags? BEN Love makes the world go round. CAROL That one I’ve heard. AL (to Ted) I was getting some complaints so I moved them in the back. BEN (searching) Love and a cough cannot be hid. Carol smiles weakly. TED That’s censorship. AL Can’t offend anybody anymore. BEN So Dolly Parton’s left breast exploded on TV today. CAROL What? BEN I know, I know, it’s a disturbing notion, but I thought I’d try a new approach. CAROL (laughing) You are so weird, Ben.
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BEN So I guess we should get together this weekend. CAROL I’m busy. BEN UntilCAROL (not sure how to answer) Until..I’m no longer so. BEN And what will you be doing? CAROL I(thinking) What did I tell you last week? BEN (turning to Ted) Do you remember, Ted? TED (nonchalantly) Have to go to Santa Barbara. CAROL That’s the one. TED Used it two weeks ago too. BEN You probably wouldn’t be impressed with my jobCAROL Vice president for a leading computer game company. You told me last week. TED I don’t believe he mentioned his wildly exorbitant salary and bonus plan-
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BEN Ted, you’re embarrassingTED Not to mention the MercedesCarol goes back to her magazine. BEN Carol, may I now take the liberty of commenting on my rather enormous phallus. An old woman looks at him. TED (to old woman) I’ve only heard, not seen. CAROL You seem like a very impressive individual. BEN And you would love to go out with mePregnant pause. CAROL I guess I could. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’ve got a deadline to meet. Carol puts a magazine back and starts to leave. The euphoria Ben just had wears off. BEN It was the Shakespeare. Right? Carol gives a sly smile and leaves. Ted You went to the dick card kind of fast, didn’t you? BEN Sometimes you’ve got to play with the hand that’s given.
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MOVING ALONG SIDEWALK TED Let me show you the new storyboards that Adam came up with. He reaches down and grabs his briefcase. He pulls out some DRAWINGS. He hands them to Ben. BEN (Looking them over) Excellent. Beyond excellent. TED He did those in a day. CLOSE UP We can see what everybody is so impressed by. They are detailed drawings of reptilian aliens with fangs and heavily armed with weaponry. TED By the way, did he ask you about the pineal gland? BEN The what? FRANK Adam came up with this idea that the aliens after killing their prey, remove the victims pineal gland and swallow it. BEN I like it. INT. RESTAURANT - DAY A small bustling restaurant in Los Angeles. Buried in menus, Ben and Ted are being served by a gorgeous WAITRESS. TED (thinking) Dressing dressing dressingBEN Make mine Italian. 6
The waitress scribbles it down on the order pad. TED That’s a beautiful bracelet you’re wearing. WAITRESS Thanks, my boyfriend bought it for me. Ted’s mood darkens. WAITRESS He was in Mexico with some friends and he saw it at a… TED Actually, I’m not really interested in your bracelet. I was using it as a ploy in order to gain your confidence and then your phone number but since you have a boyfriend I think we ought to just keep this relationship professional. (handing her a menu) I’ll take the ranch. The waitress gives a confused look and walks off. BEN You’re direct I’ll give you that. TED You’ve got to know when to hold and when… FRANK (late 20s) a man with enough annoying habits to kill a dog, walks up to the booth. FRANK Scoot in, Ted. Ted ignores him. FRANK C’mon, scoot over. TED Why do you have to sit by me?
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FRANK Because I don’t like my back to the door. TED What are you, Jesse James? FRANK C’mon, Ted. Ted reluctantly moves over. FRANK Sorry I’m late. TED So how’s the Ritalin going? FRANK It’s helping a lot as a matter of fact. TED What do think, about half the country is diagnosed with ADD now, huh? FRANK You’re point isTED I just think by calling behaviors illnesses, you blame biology and ignore the influence of your upbringing. FRANK I really don’t feel like having this… TED I mean, why don’t we label other behaviors like I Can’t Seem to Be Happy Disorder or Can’t Pick the Right Partner Disorder? FRANK How about Some of My Friends Are Pricks Disorder? TED That could be one, sure. 8
BEN All right ladies, go to your corners. What’s the news, Frank? Frank puts a folder on the counter. He is excited. FRANK We’ve got to make an up or down decision. The president is going back to Japan and he wants to take back a signed contract. They’ve upped the investment to 3 million dollars with 60/40 control in your favor. TED Can anyone see my hard on? FRANK They want to do this in a bad way, Ben. BEN They understand that we can’t leave Lentech until we finish Gray Invasion, correct? FRANK I made that clear. TED I think I’m cuming. BEN Inform them that I’ll sign contracts Monday morning. TED I came. It’s now hanging in my underwear like a third testicle. FRANK You’ve got a commitment from everyone on your team, right? That’s part of the agreement. BEN (glancing at Ted) Well, yeah sure. I got one guy I need to talk to but that shouldn’t be a problem.
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TED No more ass busting for chump change and no royalties. BEN And no credit. BEN I’ve been thinking of some good names. Which of these sound the best? Benco Software, Big Ben Software or Extensive Ben’s Software? TED Why not Ben’s Big Schlong Software? INT. SOFTWARE COMPANY - DAY Lentech is a Southern California game company with rows of cubicles which contain young upstart game builders. The decor is decidedly high tech. INT. ADAMS OFFICE-DAY CLOSE UP COMPUTER SCREEN A hideous lizard ALIEN struts across the computer screen and fires an impressive weapon strapped to his arm. He opens his mouth and bares his fangs. The office is unnaturally dark and surprisingly baron of books and papers of any kind. Computer components are all that are present. ADAM (mid 20’s)pale and wire-thin, sits at his desk manipulating his creation on the screen. Adam is uncomfortably serene with a blinding intellect and inexhaustible supply of esoteric information. The door opens to reveal Ted. TED Hey, Adam. Meeting in Barry’s office. Adam makes no effort to turn around. ADAM Thank you Ted. I’ll be right there. TED You must be part bat. I can’t see a damn thing in here. Ted leaves as Adam continues working.
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INT. BARRY’S OFFICE - DAY BARRY,(40s) a cherubic president of the software company leans against his desk as he talks with Ben. He’s holding on to a bag of pretzels. BARRY …so June 12 is not hard and fast but Warner wants Gray Invasion finished sometime that month. Ted enters the room TED Adam is on the way. BARRY So you are not under any pressure. BEN Us? No, we’re fine. My team is at ease. Right, Ted? You feel any pressure? TED Well I feel that maybe… BEN (glaring at Ted) See? No pressure here. Adam enters. BARRY Adam, we were just talking about you. We were wondering about the pineal thing. What’s that all about? ADAM (taking a seat) I thought that the postganglionic sympathetic fibers contained within the gland could be a delicacy to the Grays. BEN I’m satisfied. Barry?
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BARRY I like it but we will need to tone down some parts of the action. Gray Invasion has to be palatable for the parents also. BEN For example? BARRY The skinning of human babies might have to go. TED We refuse to be censored! INT. CORRIDOR - DAY Ben, Ted, and Adam are walking through Lentech. Ben has his arm around Adam. BEN You’re very talented, you know that Adam? ADAM Thank you Ben. It’s good to know. BEN I think we have built a great team. Right Ted? TED Great team, Ben. BEN Great teams are hard to assemble. Right, Ted? TED Hard to assemble, Ben. BEN You’re happy with the team, aren’t you Adam? ADAM I’m very happy here at Lentech Software-
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BEN Great teams are made of people. People with a vision. The source of that vision is a leader. A leader who possesses a unique combination of skills: the mental power to create a vision and the practical ability to bring it about. Those leaders are rare and if you're fortunate enough to find one, heaven help you if you leave them. Are you following me, Adam? ADAM Yes, and Lentech contains all of… BEN Let’s think along a more human level. Now the best team at Lentech is unquestionably my team. Flexible, fast, loaded with different talents and perspectives; a winner, Adam. You know what I like to do, Adam? ADAM To win? BEN Exactly. Weakness, sickness and failure are evil, Adam. Evil. Remember that. Ben disappears into his office. ADAM OK. Ted looks at Adam and smiles. TED That doesn’t mean he’s arrogant. It’s just that he thinks he’s better than anyone else. INT. BEN’S OFFICE - DAY The office is stylish, filled with models and sculptures. Ben has his feet up on his desk as he reads THE WILL TO POWER by Nietzsche and sips on tea. Ted opens the door and sticks his head in. TED What’s up? 13
BEN (looking up from his book) I’ve got an idea. TED About what? BEN Getting Adam to play ball. TED I think he’s leaning. BEN All the stops need to be pulled and I found a perfect avenue on the Internet. Ben grabs a piece of paper from his printer. He hands it to Ted who looks it over. TED You’re going to take him to a Rave in the desert? BEN We are going to take him. TED I kind of made plans this weekendBen stares at him. TED Of course they weren’t etched in stoneTed starts to leave. BEN What do you think about All Ben’s Software? INT. LENTECH BATHROOM - DAY Two GAME BUILDERS are standing by the sinks. One is washing his hands. EMPLOYEE #1 Won’t the x-rays pick it up? EMPLOYEE #2 Just tape it between two Polaroid’s. 14
EMPLOYEE #1 How should I send it? EMPLOYEE #2 By US Postal Service. They x-ray less than Federal Express and have fewer dogs. Adam walks in with Ted in pursuit. The employees leave. TED I’m surprised you are not familiar with them. They’re spur of the moment parties in the desert sent out on the Internet. People from all over the country attend. Adam steps up to the urinal. ADAM I have a lot of work to doTED If within a team there is a lack of mutual respect or conflicting egos, the team will fall apart. I hate to tell Ben that you’re not respecting him. ADAM Going will be a sign of respect? Ted nods. Adam chooses between the rock and the hard place. ADAM I guess I can. TED Great. Here’s a flyer. Adam looks at the flyer. Written across the top is Rave. Along the highway is written NEWTON MILITARY BASE. EXT. DESERT - DAY Burton is slowing down to a crawl. Nothing can be seen around him for miles. Blood soaks half of his body.
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BURTON (singing weakly) Climb every mountain. Forge every.. what’s the rest? Who cares. How about, been through the desert with a horse with no name. It’s good to be out of the rain.. EXT. DESOLATE DESERT HIGHWAY - NIGHT Ted is at the wheel of his minivan. Adam is in the passenger seat working on a laptop. Frank, Ben and Carol sit in the back munching on junk food. FRANK So, Father O’Malley is sitting in the confessional when he hears an unfamiliar voice with a heavy Jewish accent. “Father, my name is Emil Cohen. I’m 78 years old and I’m currently involved with a 22 year old girl and also, on the side, with her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure and I’ve never felt better in my entire life.” “My good man,” says the priest, “I think you’ve come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?” And he says, ”I’m telling everybody.” Silence. TED It’s so quiet in here you can hunt deer. CAROL One more bad joke and I’m going to regret agreeing to go with you guys. FRANK You guys? Ben you said she was your date. What is this “you guys” shit? BEN The lady is simply being inclusive. TED Someone hand me a boiled egg. Carol hands him an egg. She offers one to Adam. 16
CAROL How about you, Adam? ADAM No, thank you. BEN He doesn’t eat. CAROL He doesn’t eat? TED We’ve never seen him eat anything. ADAM I eat. TED You’d be pushing the plate away at Aushwitz. FRANK I’ve got a joke about a stripper at Aushwitz. EVERYBODY No! CAROL Why do dirty jokes always deal with the old man and the young woman? FRANK Because a man is attracted to a young woman’s thighs and a woman is attracted to an old man’s power. Nobody’s attracted to an old woman’s thighs. CAROL I’m researching an article on fantasies. Anyone have a good one to share? BEN Is it true that a man fantasizes about sex 7 times a day and most are rape fantasies?
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CAROL You tell me. BEN (leering at Carol) Yeah, it’s true. ADAM Watch out, Ted. There’s a tire in the road. Ted squints out the window. TED I don’t see anythingTED I like the woman in charge fantasy like you know, the nurse and patient. CAROL That’s because it stirs up memories of being taken care of by your mother when you were a child. BEN (looking at Carol) Sometimes I deserve to be spanked you knowFRANK Men have more problems then women that’s why. They need the release. In the first place, men have to put up with women. CAROL Why do I get the feeling that you’re not currently attached, Frank? FRANK As a matter of fact, I’m not. TED Frank’s waiting for his perfect woman. A virgin who is a whore.
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BEN Frank at times has been accused of being an unreconstructed misogynist. CAROL I’m shocked. TED He feels that the only biological necessity of man is to deposit his seed somewhere. You can extrapolate from that his position on women. FRANK You guys. I’m always taken out of context. CAROL Why aren’t there any other women on this little excursion? FRANK Ben, you told us she agreed to the gangbang beforehand. Carol looks at Ben. BEN (nervously) These guys are such kiddersThe van swerves suddenly to the side. Ted stares at Adam in amazement. ADAM I said tire. TED You mentioned that way back… YouEverybody looks at Adam who goes back to work on his PC. EXT. EMPTY STRETCH OF DESERT - NIGHT A gathering of headlights can be seen up ahead as the minivan begins to encounter some traffic. People on the side of the road can be seen holding drinks and waving to the passing cars. TED Houston, we have arrived. 19
Ted steers into a just created parking lot. A cardboard sign says NEWTON RAVE. As he waits to park, people mill around outside the van EXT. RAVE PARTY - NIGHT The group moves through the party witnessing mass quantities of alcohol and drugs being consumed. Car stereos blare from all over the place. This is an eclectic party as they wander thru skinheads,rappers,country dudes and others. Two DUDES walk by. CAROL Anyone know why it’s called The Newton Rave? ADAM Newton is the name military pilots use on aviation frequencies referring to an off-limits Air Force base of whose land we are currently trespassing on. FRANK That was my next guess. TED What do they use the base for? ADAM Once a testing ground for the latest generation secret aircraft, in recent years it has been used for biochemical research and… BEN (interrupting) That’s enough info Adam, thank you, but we have more pressing matters ahead of us. Like getting plastered. FRANK Once we start, I’m not stopping till I ejaculate out of my tearducts. CAROL That’s disgusting.
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BEN (to Carol) You want to wait here and we will come back with supplies? (to Adam) You want to stay here with her? ADAM Sure. Ben, Ted and Frank head off into the crowd. Adam and Carol stand uncomfortably as two animated PARTYGOERS walk by. PERSON #1 ..so in ten minutes I was drooling, scratching and tensing all over my body. Then the dry heaves came but I was completely lucid so I could enjoy every single second of it. PERSON #2 Ever tried robodosing? PERSON #1 Try 44D cherry flavored. That’s the bestCAROL (to Adam) Isn’t it incredible out here? So desolate. It’s as if we are the only ones in the universe. ADAM It is beautiful. CAROL Where’s your family from, Adam? ADAM I don’t really know. I was raised in an orphanage in Puerto Rico. CAROL Have you ever wondered who were your parents?
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ADAM Everyday. CAROL I hear you’re a brilliant artist. ADAM I don’t know about thatCAROL Ben tells me he has big plans for you. ADAM It’s nice to hear but I don’t think I’m all that special. (beat) How about you? Have any big plans? CAROL I don’t know, try to get the scoop of the year and win a bunch of awards. You know typical reporter dreams. Then, maybe meet a nice guy, marry, blah blah blah, you know, nothing that would change mankind. ADAM You and Ben seem like a nice coupleCAROL It’s a little early for thatJust then Frank shows up being followed by an ANGRY SKINHEAD. SKINHEAD You’re paying for the drink, asshole. FRANK Yeah right. SKINHEAD Fuck you, motherfucker. FRANK Your ugly girlfriend bumped into me, OK?
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SKINHEAD I’m gonna fuck you up motherfuckerHe moves towards Frank who attempts to take a karate stance but steps on the foot of a nearby girl who screams. He turns to her and as he does, the skinhead throws a haymaker that hits Frank in the back of the head. He goes down. CAROL You son of a bitch! Carol jumps on the back of the skinhead. She tries clawing at his face. Adam looks at her curiously. We seem him stretch out his hand as if to touch the skinhead who suddenly collapses to the ground. Ben and Ted arrive holding several cans of beer. They have obviously consumed the bulk of their bounty. TED We’ve got our bearings. Acid is to the left and crystal meth to the right and let me say that eight bucks for a six pack is an outrage. BEN (looking at Carol) What’s going on? ADAM (pointing to the skinhead) Carol rescued Frank from an attacker. Frank stumbles to his feet. TED Is this true, Frank? The damsel saved the knight in distress? FRANK (dizzy) I couldn’t get kicking roomBEN (to Carol) I guess I better tread carefully around you. Carol looks at Adam who looks away.
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TED This calls for drinks. He thrusts a six pack at them. Adam reluctantly takes one. BEN Anybody into Toadlicking? Ted, the toad. Ted starts checking his pockets and looking around him. TED Where the hell-? ADAM The toad, Ted. TED It’s gone sir. BEN Due to Ted’s incompetence there will be a delay in toadlicking. A large man on a horse appears through the crowd. This is BIG AL (50s)(His cowboy hat has BIG AL printed on it) a local who looks upon the drunken revelers with bemusement. Several people are petting his horse. TED (to Big Al) Don’t tell me. We are trespassing on some sacred Indian burial ground. BIG AL Not hardly. CAROL Are you here to kick us out? BIG AL Not my property. BEN You live around here? BIG AL Yep. 24
BEN Where? BIG AL About 20 miles south. CAROL What brings you way over here, Big Al? BIG AL You woke my wife up. TED From 20 miles? C’mon. BIG AL You’re in the desert, boy. Once or twice I’ve even smelled the Pacific out here. A druggie approaches them. DRUGGIE Hey, you guys want some roofies? I got some roofies. FRANK Sorry, I didn’t bring a date. Carol glares at him. FRANK (innocently) Just a joke. EXT. ON A HILL ABOVE THE PARTY - NIGHT Everybody has passed the point of sobriety a long way back. Ted sits on a large rock smoking weed with two new friends ROGER (20s) and ALEXANDER (mid 20s) bespectacled, intense types. On one side of them is the Rave and on the other is a vast, dark desert. Below the rock, Frank stands next to Adam who is obviously effected by the beer in his hand. Ben and Carol sit away from the others. CAROL Isn’t it beautiful up here?
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BEN Magnificent. CAROL Smell the air. It so clean and fresh. BEN (sizing up Carol) It sure is. Come back to the van and have sex with me. CAROL Don’t be ridiculous. BEN I love you. CAROL You’ve got to be kidding. BEN There, I said it and now we’re free. Show me your breasts. CAROL You’re mad. BEN Your words wound me. Just one breast. CAROL (looking around) Where are your friends? BEN I’m telling you the truth. You can’t arrest a man for honesty. CAROL You’re drunk. BEN Your beauty pierces me like a pain.
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CAROL (laughing) You need help. BEN We can have tonight and tomorrow you can betray me with a smile. CAROL You definitely need help. BEN Then help me. Fuck me. Ben goes to work on her neck with Carol putting up meager resistance. Ted and his new buddies stagger over puffing away. ALEXANDER I don’t sell for profit. I want people to smoke weed. TED (to Roger) I bet you don’t know why they call it Area 51. ROGER It’s in the 51st grid on the map. TED Very good, old boy. (thinking) What grid are we in now? This question is too difficult for three stoned guys. ROGER Wait, gimme some time. I can figure it outTED Hey, Ben. These guys are UFO hunters. They’ve given me a cool idea for a new game. Ben doesn’t take his eyes off Carol. 27
BEN That’s nice, Ted. TED It’s about tourists who disappear in the desert. CAROL Sounds interesting. (to Alexander) You guys ever get busted by the military? ALEXANDER Look around you. You’ve got 15 million acres of federally owned land out here. We try not to stick out. ADAM What exactly do you hope to find out here? ROGER (going of on a rant) The secret government, man. The fucking Trilateral Commission. I’m talking Illuminati, alien government collusion, Crop circles, abductionsALEXANDER (calming Roger) Hey hey, it’s cool manALEXANDER ..cattle mutilations..We’ve got a right to know, man! BEN He’s pretty intense. FRANK (to Alexander) I suppose you’ve seen aliens around here. ALEXANDER We’ve come damn closeFRANK What a bunch of bullshit.
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ALEXANDER (defensively) It’s bullshit to think we are the only life in the universe. ROGER It’s damn arrogant reallyADAM I understand to generate animate matter through random chemistry somewhere else in the galaxy is so improbable as to be indistinguishable from impossible. ALEXANDER That’s your opinion. ADAM I believe the odds for the formation on another planet of just a single self-replicating strand of DNA are ten nonillion nonillion googol googol to the 664th power to one. TED About the same as the Cubs winning the pennantROGER (desperately) Yeah well, explain the crop circles. ADAM That would be the equivalent of a tornado blowing through a junkyard and spontaneously creating a fleet of 747s. ROGER You can’t explain the alien abductions thoughADAM It may be just shallow breathing that causes reduced oxygen input to the brain and creates dream-like states which people with active imaginations interpret as an abduction.
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FRANK I guess you guys kind of feel silly right now don’t you? Roger and Alexander start to wander down the hill like two wounded puppies. ALEXANDER Their eyes are open yet they cannot seeROGER Sad really. ALEXANDER (yelling back at Adam) You don’t persuade. You don’t do shit. ROGER And we didn’t bomb Cambodia eitherTED (yelling back at them) Don’t get on board! It’s a cookbook! Their voices trail off. IN THE DISTANCE Some lights can be seen moving erratically along the desert. CAROL People don’t like to have mysteries explained. FRANK I’d like someone to explain why I’ve got a small circular fibrous growth on my dick. CAROL (wrinkling her face) That’s sick. Adam looks at the lights coming in their direction. BEN Adam is right. All this alien UFO stuff are the wood nymphs and elves of the modern age. (smiling) 30
And I thank God people are so gullible or I would be out of a job. The lights are getting closer. The wind starts to pick up. TED We are alone. Fucking alone man. The universe exists only because we are here to observe it. Without us, nothing. Fucking nothingEverybody looks up at the lights except for Ted. BEN (looking at lights) What the hell is that? TED ..no defined present moments.. The lights get closer. The wind picks up. TED I think I’m going to be leavingTED ..a lone fertile island in the sterile waters of.. He turns around as a huge beam of light engulfs him. TED ..the uni… aaaaahhh……! Two large but extremely quiet HELICOPTERS hover overhead kicking up one hell of a windstorm and knocking Ted flat on his back. The partiers down the hill are in a panic as they knock each other over on the way to the cars. VOICE FROM THE CHOPPER YOU ARE IN A RESTRICTED AREA. YOU HAVE 5 MINUTES TO LEAVE OR YOU WILL BE ARRESTED. Several military vehicles appear down below. Soldiers exit the vehicles.
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EXT. RAVE PARKING LOT - NIGHT The helicopters hover overhead as a mass of drugged out individuals fumble for their car keys. The soldiers push and shove the drunken revelers. Ben and his gang see a couple of soldiers nearby manhandle some PARTYGOERS. STONED #1 (to soldier) Wail away, the metamphetimines make me oblivious to pain or morality. STONED #2 (to soldier) Hey, you guys want some heroin? A WOMAN runs up to one of the soldiers and lifts her top. WOMAN Give me a ride in the Apache and you can have these. Cars file down the dirt road for a mile and turn left onto the paved highway. EXT. DESERT HIGHWAY - NIGHT The van is the only car that can be seen for miles. INT. VAN(MOVING) – NIGHT Ted is at the wheel with Adam in the passenger seat and the rest in the back. TED Damn military. I was having a good timeCAROL We were trespassing. ADAM (looking out window) There is someone in the road, Ted. TED Again with the something in the roadADAM Someone and he’s about 400 yards and closing-
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TED What do you have night vision contacts or something? FRANK I don’t see anything. CAROL There! EXT. DESERT FREEWAY-NIGHT Ted slams on the brakes to avoid running over a figure lying partially in the road. Everybody gets out of the minivan to see Burton who lies half-dead on the pavement. Adam examines him. ADAM He’s been shot in the side. Lost a lot of blood and he’s severely dehydrated. BEN What the hell is he’s doing out here? CAROL Is he going to die? ADAM He needs immediate medical attention. TED Out here? The nearest doctor probably wears paint on his face and shakes a stick. TED What should we do, Ben? BEN (pointing) There are lights in that direction. We’ll take him there. ADAM That’s military landBEN We’ll I’m sure there’s a doctor then. 33
Ben grabs on to Burton’s shoulders. BEN Frank, give me a hand. FRANK No way. Ben glares at him. FRANK I need some gloves. Look at that blood. BEN The man’s been shot. Shot people bleed. FRANK I don’t know this guy and I don’t know his sexual proclivities. Look at that haircutBEN Dammit, Frank! Adam, help me here. They lift him up and put him in the van. EXT. DIRT ROAD – NIGHT The van moves along a bumpy road. It passes by the guardhouse and gate that was destroyed by the alien craft. INT. VAN(MOVING) - NIGHT Ted drives with Frank in the passenger seat and Carol, Ben, Burton in the back. TED How’s he doing? ADAM I don’t know. Burton lets out a low moan. TED I think that means step on it. CAROL He’s trying to say something. 34
BURTON I’m gonna die… BEN Now, you’re not going to die. CAROL What’s your name? BURTON (struggling) Burton..Davis. BEN Who shot you, Burton? BURTON Government… FRANK It’s always the governmentCAROL The government shot you, why? BURTON Alien… Adam turns around. FRANK The guy is probably the local loony who eats dirtCAROL What do you mean, alien? FRANK But, just to be safe, quit asking him stuff. BEN What about aliens? FRANK C’mon guys. Quit talking to him.
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BEN Shutup, Frank. This is important. FRANK This is dangerous. This guy knows something or did something that the government wants to kill him for. This is one of those need to know things. CAROL Tell us about the aliens, Burton. FRANK Shutup, Carol. Carol ignores Frank. CAROL Where are they, Burton? Burton passes out. BEN He’s out. TED You mean, out as in dead? BEN I think just passed out. FRANK I say we drop this guy off wherever and get the fuck out of here. EXT. DESERT - NIGHT In the distance the lights of a small town beckon like a beacon on a dark planet. EXT. SMALL TOWN - NIGHT A small block-long town with a few nondescript buildings. Ted parks in front of a place called Papoose Groceries. INT. VAN - NIGHT Everybody peers out of the van.
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BEN Doesn’t look like a military instillation. Burton comes to and is mumbling something. BURTON Alien samples… FRANK Jesus Christ, we have to get fucking Aldrich Aames as a passenger. BURTON Need to… FRANK Die, damn you, die! CAROL Frank! FRANK Let him out and let’s get out of here! I don’t know anything and I don’t want to know anything. BEN Will you relax, Frank. Maybe he’s talking about illegal aliensBURTON (fading out) Space craft… FRANK Kick him out of the damn van! CAROL (looking out window) There’s a light on at that house up over thereEXT. CHILI BOB HOUSE - NIGHT Ben raps on the door of a small lonely house up on a hill. A woman comes to the door. This is EM (60s) heavyset and ugly as sin. She stares at the people at her door.
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EM Who the hell are you? BEN Uh, we have an emergency Ma’am. A man’s been shot and he needs some help very badly. EM You aint supposed to be in this areaBEN We know this is military land but a man needs medical attention immediately. CAROL Won’t you please help us? Em thinks about it. EM Bring him in. INT. CHILI BOB HOUSE - NIGHT The interior of the house is a mess. There is garbage everywhere. Carol, Ben and Frank enter cautiously. CAROL (to Em) We found him on the highway about 20 minutes north of here. We don’t know who did this to him but he was mumbling something about… FRANK (interrupting) Nothing really. Just babbling like a brook. EM Lucky for him. Out here you can lay a sleeping bag down in the middle of the road at noon and not get runover till the next morning. Put him in the back and Chili Bob will tend to him. FRANK Chili Bob?
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EM My husband. Adam and Ted carry Burton into the back room. Adam and Em look at each other curiously. INT. BACK ROOM - NIGHT A cold dirty little back room with some old medical equipment scattered about. Adam and Ted lay him down on a plain table in the middle of the room. Ben and Carol look around. BEN (low to Carol) Guess Chili Bob is a doctor. CAROL In what century? Burton weakly grabs onto Ben’s arm. Ben tries to get him off. BEN C’mon Burton, ol’ buddy. You’re in the hands of Chili Bob now. BURTON Toogee… The Toogees… They all look at each other. CAROL Try getting him to clarify. BURTON Bridge… under bridge… TED We need a complete train of thought, Burton. Em enters the room. EM Chili is coming down shortly. I think you people best leave. Chili suffered some bad burns in the Korean War and he don’t much go for meetin’ people less it’s important like your friend here.
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Ben pries his arm from Burton’s grip. BEN Good luck, Burton. (to Em) Any lodging out here, Em? EM You best get off the base before they find you. About 25 miles west I hear there’s a hotel. INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT Frank comes out of the bathroom zipping up his fly. Looking around, he notices a door slightly ajar at the end of the hallway. Frank’s one of those guys who has to look into everything, so he wanders over and peaks in. We see the back of CHILI BOB sitting at the edge of the bed. One hand is on his knee and one hand drags on a joint. The back of his head has very wispy babylike black hair that covers ghostly white skin. Sensing someone behind him, Chili Bob slowly turns and his face comes partially into view. No ears or nose, we see his deep-set right-eye with a weirdly shaped pupil. Chili Bob is a TOOGEE.
DOWN THE STAIRS Em appears at the bottom of the stairs. EM (to Frank) What you doing up there, Mister? Frank snaps his head back in surprise. FRANK Just ah.. using the facilitiesHe starts heading down the stairs. EXT. CHILI BOB HOUSE - NIGHT Em sees them out of the house. EM What’s it like out there?
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CAROL Out there? EM You know, off the base. CAROL (backing towards van) It’s uh.. nice. Bye. The van drives away. INT. CHILI BOB HOUSE – NIGHT IN THE BACK ROOM We see only small parts of Chili Bob looking over Burton. We see him wiping his hands, looking at the woundEm watches from the doorway. EM He’s dead isn’t he? No response from Chili. EM Poor Burton. Always liked him. (pause) He’s dead. No sense feeling guilty about it. We see Chili’s hands clench. EM I’ll get a bucket. EXT. DIRT ROAD - NIGHT The van heads down the desolate freeway. INT. VAN(MOVING) - NIGHT Ted is at the wheel. Carol is in the passenger seat. Frank is starting to lose it. FRANK Whoever was in that room, I’m telling you, there was something fucking strange about him, man. 41
TED Did you ever realize how much you use the word “man” when you’re wasted? ADAM What did you see, Frank? FRANK His face was..not.. you know..normal. TED Frank, your face is not normal. Frank ignores Ted. FRANK First off, all his hair was hanging on him like..drawn on with a pen. TED Frank, you can comb your hair with a fork. Frank ignores Ted again. FRANK His skin was pasty and white..like paint. TED Frank, you’re the melanoma poster… FRANK Will you shut the fuck up, Ted! Man! TED See, you said it again. BEN Em said that Chili Bob had bad burns on his bodyFRANK This guy was not burned, Ben. He was more like… (looking out driver's side windows.) That.
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EXT. DIRT ROAD - NIGHT An older black Cadillac is moving alongside the van. TWO TOOGEES can partially be seen in the car. Both wear dark clothing and hats. The passenger turns to look at the van and we can see only for a moment his hideously pale face. INT. VAN(MOVING) - NIGHT FRANK Definitely like that. Everybody is glued to the windows trying to get a good look inside the Cadillac. TED What the hellVIEW OF THE CADILLAC The passenger takes a swig of Jim Beam. IN THE VAN CAROL I’m getting just a little scaredFRANK I’m fucking freaking out. Lose them, Ted! EXT. DIRT ROAD - NIGHT Just then the Cadillac swerves into the van's lane almost driving it off the road. It’s swerving back and forth on the road so the van cannot get by. INT. VAN(MOVING) - NIGHT TED Did you see that? They’re trying to run us off the roadFRANK Get us out of here! EXT. DIRT ROAD - NIGHT The van creeps up along the side of the Cadillac. They race side by side down the dirt road.
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The van veers into the right lane in front of the Cadillac forcing it to go off the side of the road into some bushes. INT. VAN(MOVING) - NIGHT Ted guns the engine down the road. FRANK I think I’m going to throw up. BEN What the hell was that all about? ADAM It may have to do with us being in a restricted area. TED Military patrol in a 67 Cadillac? I don’t think so. Carol suddenly leans forward, eyes pressed to the windshield. CAROL Stop the van! EXT. DESERT HIGHWAY-NIGHT The van skids to a halt. INT. VAN - NIGHT FRANK Don’t tell me, another body on the road. CAROL No. Didn’t you see that? BEN See what? CAROL The little bridge we crossed over? Burton was talking about a bridge. Back up, Ted.
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FRANK (serious) Ted, listen to me very carefully. You are under no circumstances to put this van in reverse. Ted looks at Frank. Then he looks at Ben. FRANK This is going to get us killed. CAROL Back up, Ted. TED I am a little bit curiousFRANK Is your curiosity worth a bullet? CAROL Let’s stop wasting time. Back up. BEN I agree with Carol. Back up. TED You are the boss. He puts the van in reverse. FRANK There not that far back there, Ted. They’ll only rape her. They’ll kill you. BEN All right knock it off, Frank. EXT. DIRT ROAD - NIGHT The van backs up about 50 yards and stops in front of a small wooden bridge over a gully. Everybody piles out. FRANK I think I see lights coming this way-
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TED (To Frank) Why do I always feel like I’m partying with my mother when we hang out? FRANK Excuse me if I’m the only sane person hereTED You’re such a sissyFRANK Fuck you, all right? Adam and Ben search under the bridge. ADAM Found somethingHe pulls the silver box that Burton was carrying. FRANK Put that back! It’s none of our business. TED What a sissyFRANK That’s itFrank takes a karate stance towards Ted. FRANK Come on! Ted strikes a silly karate pose. TED Very impressive, grasshopperBEN Knock it off, you two. ADAM We really should leave-
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BEN Let’s get out of here then. EXT. DESERT HIGHWAY - NIGHT The van kicks up dirt as it heads down the highway. EXT. MOTEL - NIGHT The green neon sign says MOJAVE GREEN MOTEL. The van pulls up to the side of the motel. Everybody straggles out of the van. BEN I’ll check on the room situation. INT. MOTEL OFFICE - NIGHT The bell tinkles as Ben enters. BEN Hello? Some rustling in the back. A heavyset OLDER MAN comes out from the back. He looks like he just woke up. OLD MAN Yeah? BEN We’d like three rooms. OLD MAN Only got a couple. BEN You’ve only two rooms left? OLD MAN Only got two rooms period. In case ya hadn’t noticed, we’re not off a high traffic freeway. BEN Well, we’ll take two rooms. BEN We will need some cots.
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OLD MAN Five bucks apiece. I got two. And that’s thirty bucks for the room and don’t even think about room service at this time of the evening. The Missus will rip your spleen out. Ben grimaces and reaches for his wallet. INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT The beds are cramping the already cramped room. Adam takes a one of several viles containing a milky orange fluid from the silver box. CAROL What do you think they are? He examines them. ADAM Probably some sort of bodily fluid but the color is strange. TED Maybe it’s alien urine. BEN And just how would you go about collecting that, Ted? TED The question is what do we do with this stuff? Ben sits next to Carol and massages her shoulders. BEN We’ll worry about it in the morning. A more pressing concern is the sleeping arrangements. The reporter in Carol is boiling over as she studies the vile. CAROL This could be something big. BEN (coyly) You have no idea-
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FRANK I don’t care what you do with it just leave me out of it. TED Aren’t you the least bit curious about what went on tonight? FRANK I’m scared shitless and I don’t enjoy being scared shitless. ADAM I have a friend who is a molecular biologist. We can show the viles to him. BEN (stretching) Good idea. I’m worn out soTED Carol can retire to her bedroom while we enjoy cigars and porno on cable. Ben puts his arm around Carol. BEN I’ll check out the room for you. Make sure there are towels and a bible and soapCAROL I wouldn’t dream of taking you away from your friends. BEN It’s no problem. We’re not really that closeLATER THAT EVENING The men are in one room and Carol is in the other. We are slowly moving about the room until we stop at Adam. His eyes are open. A jiggling sound can be heard. CU of doorknob.
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Someone is shaking the doorknob. Adam sits up. Suddenly the door blasts open and flashlight beams fill the room. SOLDIERS pour into the room and roust everyone out of bed. They’re thrown up against the wall and pistols are stuck to their temples. The last person into the room is a sinister military official named MAJOR FALSTAFF (50s). BEN What the hell is going on? TED I have rightsFalstaff nods his head and the soldier holding Ted slams his pistol against Ted temple, dropping him to the floor. FALSTAFF Anyone else wish to discuss his or her rights? Silence. Another soldier comes in holding Carol. CAROL Who are you and what… Falstaff waves his finger as if to say, ”No talking.” He nods to the soldier holding Ben. The soldier pushes Ben down on his knees and puts a gun to his head. FALSTAFF The box. BEN Box? The soldier kicks him in the stomach dropping Ben to the floor. CAROL (pointing to the drawers) In there. A soldier goes over and pulls the SILVER BOX out of the drawer. He hands it to Falstaff who glances inside.
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FALSTAFF (to everyone) I suggest you party somewhere else. He walks out followed by his soldiers. FRANK I’m not one to say I told… TED Just shut the hell up, Frank. EXT. MOTEL - DAY The sun is up and it’s another hot day in the desert. INT. RESTAURANT - DAY The group enters the seedy coffee shop down the street from the motel. The place is half-filled with the locals. They eye the gang suspiciously. Ben leads them to a table. TED Anyone feel uncomfortable? I feel uncomfortable. They arrive at the table and sit. Before Carol can sit, rank grabs the seat. FRANK I need to sit here. CAROL I guess so. TED (to Carol) He needs to face the door so he’s at a good angle when he runs the bill. A heavy-set waitress named DORIS comes over. She’s chewing on some gum. WAITRESS What’ll it be?
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BEN How about coffee all around and some bacon and eggs too. ADAM I’ll just have some water, thank you. CAROL Tell me… (reading nametag) Doris. Ever seen anything strange out here? DORIS I’ve seen some things. CAROL Like what? DORIS I once seen Lizard Lee over there eat a live wasp. She looks over at Lizard Lee and they both start cackling. CAROL No, I mean really strange. Like not of this world strange. The waitress gets serious. WAITRESS (in a low voice) You mean about theShe points up to the sky. They lean in to listen to her. WAITRESS Late at night sometimes you see weird things in the sky. CAROL Have you ever seen one of…? (looks around) them?
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DORIS I shouldn’t show you this butShe takes a small box from her pocket. She slowly lifts the lid. DORIS Found it in the desert one nightThe group peers into the box. Suddenly a small alien head on a spring pops up startling everyone. Doris and several customers cackle with delight. BEN Well, I’m glad we could be of amusement to youDORIS (laughing) I’m sorry, but everyday some city person is out here asking about aliens. We’re just having some fun with ya- You can have it. She hands it to Carol and walks off. FRANK Nothing like being humiliated by poor white trashCAROL Still there’s something going onFRANK There’s nothing going on. BEN You saw one of them, Frank. FRANK I saw some albino freak, big deal. CAROL Just bury your head in the sand… FRANK Look, Lois Lane. If you weren’t such a front line shock troop for feminism, trying to outdo the boys and grow a dick, I wouldn’t have had a gun put to my fucking head last night.
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Carol glares at him. CAROL You know Frank, it’s men like you that make me relate to women who put rat poison in their husband’s coffee. FRANK If you were my wife, I’d drink it. EXT. RESTAURANT - DAY A military vehicle shows up. SOLDIERS get out. They stand around the van. INT. RESTAURANT - DAY ADAM (looking out window) Looks like there’s troubleFRANK Maybe it’s not us. The soldiers point to their table. FRANK On second thoughtTED Let me handle this. These guys are getting on my nerves. He gets up in disgust. Adam grabs his arm. ADAM Maybe we should all go out together. CAROL I think we should get out of hereTED (Looking outside) Fuck them. He walks off.
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CAROL Ted. Ted! EXT. RESTAURANT - DAY Ted slams open the door and heads out in a full head of steam. TED We put up with your shit last nightA shot rings out. Ted looks stunned as his body stiffens and falls to the ground. INT. RESTAURANT - DAY Everyone is stunned not believing what they’re seeing. FRANK Oh, Jesus, Jesus. Did that happen? BEN Get down and follow me! FRANK Killing. They’re actually killingBen and the others weave around the other customers. FRANK (shaking his head) He wouldn’t listen. I said don’t back up and he backs upIN THE KITCHEN They pour into the kitchen startling the workers. AT THE FRONT DOOR Soldiers enter the front of the restaurant. EXT. BACK ALLEY - DAY Ben, Carol, Frank and Adam sprint out the back door and weave through a bunch of junked automobiles. FRANK This doesn’t make any sense. We gave them what they wanted. 55
BEN Get down! They hide behind a junked car as soldier runs by. FRANK In 24 hours I go from investment banker to a photo in the post officeBEN We need a way out of hereCAROL What about Ted? FRANK He’s dead! CAROL We can’t be sureAT THE GAS STATION A mobile home pulls up to the gas pump of the gas station. Roger and Alexander exit the vehicle. BEN C’mon. We’re hitching a ride. INT. MOBILE HOME – DAY Roger is driving with Alexander in the passenger seat. Ben, Carol, Frank and Adam are in the back. ALEXANDER So they got the box? BEN They took it last night when they raided our room. ALEXANDER That could have been the smoking gun. FRANK Smoking gun nothing. It could have been some new kind of Tang for all we know. 56
BEN (angry) The military didn’t shoot my buddy over Tang all right? FRANK Well what was it then? BEN I don’t know. ALEXANDER What I don’t understand is why they came back for you. Adam looks at Carol. ADAM It was you. CAROL (nervous) I didn’t think anybody would get hurt for it. She takes a vile of the fluid out of her pocket. FRANK You stupid bitch! CAROL Ben, I’m so sorry. Since they didn’t notice I took it last night I thought… FRANK It so typicalBEN Shutup, Frank. Ben takes the vile. Alexander takes a close look at it. FRANK We’ve got to give it back. If we give it back maybe they’ll let us go.
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BEN No. This is the only thing we have to barter for our lives and Ted’s if he isn’t dead. EXT. DESERT HILLSIDE – NIGHT The mobile home is hidden between two large boulders and under a tarp. Everybody stands around a small light. BEN We’ve got to go back and talk with Burton. Maybe he’s OK. FRANK What good will that do? BEN He might provide some answers for us and maybe where they might have brought Ted. FRANK Ted might be dead… BEN And he might not. I’ve got to find out. Anybody with me? ADAM We are all with you, Ben. They look at Frank. FRANK What choice do I have? If I go back to LA now, they’ll probably have a sniper take me out on the way to work. ALEXANDER The area you’re talking about is about five miles that way. It’s usually fenced in and patrolled but you got in before soEXT. DESERT – NIGHT Ben, Carol, Frank and Adam sneak past some construction equipment that sits where new fencing is being put in to replace the section destroyed by the alien craft. They watch as helicopters and Humvees buzz around in the area. 58
EXT. SMALL TOWN – NIGHT They sneak along an alley of the town. They stop when they hear the sound of people approaching. Several TOOGEES converge in the middle of the road drinking and shouting with raspy voices. Their wafer-thin bodies stagger drunkenly in the road. FRANK It’s a whole village of aliens. A military vehicle pulls up to them and several SOLDIERS wearing strange headgear get out. As they approach the mob, Ben and the others suddenly grab their ears in pain. CAROL (wincing) What is that? ADAM It’s some kind of telepathyThe soldiers unaffected because of their headgear use non-lethal weapons such as beanbags and foam to suppress the mob. A soldier follows several creatures towards the alley. BEN (to the rest) C’mon, in here. They rush into the door. INT. BAR (BACK ROOM) – NIGHT They fumble around some boxes in the back room of a bar. Ben peeks into the bar. IN THE BAR A seedy bar painted in red decor. Some creatures sit at a few of the tables while others hang over the bar. One is wearing no shirt and is laid out at a table with a rubber hose on his arm and a needle in the other. Another is fondling an unappealing WOMAN at the bar. BEN Christ. What the hell is this?
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FRANK A bar of alien drunksADAM They must be what Burton referred to as Toogies. CAROL Toogee? Someone opens the door behind them. BEN Quick! Go in the bar and try to act natural. FRANK You’ve got to be kiddingThey walk uneasily into the bar. BEN (low) Split up. FRANK And go where? Ben shushes Frank away and takes Carol over to the bar. Adam and Frank take a seat at a small table in the corner. A drunken Toogee at the bar turns to look at Ben and Carol. BEN How ya doing? The Toogee says nothing and stares at Carol. Carol moves a little closer to Ben. CAROL (to Toogee) No thanks. Really. BEN (low to Carol) What are you doing, Carol?
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CAROL He just asked what I was drinking- At least that’s what I can hear in my headShe looks at the Toogee. CAROL He’s asking me back to his place- Some disgusting requestsBen grabs Carol and moves to the other side of the bar. At the table, Frank looks at Adam who is rubbing his temples. FRANK What’s the matter, Adam? ADAM This place is really messing with my headFRANK What do you mean? ADAM In this room… A drugged out Toogee stumbles over to the table. Frank looks up at him in horror. The skin on his body is falling off on several parts of his body. Pieces fall onto the table. FRANK Oh my GodAdam looks at the Toogee. The Toogee looks at Adam. A human BARTENDER (60s) walks up to Carol and Ben. BARTENDER What will it be? BEN Two beers. The bartender puts the beer up on the bar. He looks over at a Toogee.
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BARTENDER They’re getting out of hand. I hear you guys had to shoot a few of them the other night. BEN Yes… ah, that would be correct. The bartender looks at Ben and Carol. BARTENDER Haven’t seen you two on the base beforeBEN We’re just visiting. BARTENDER (surprised) Visiting? BEN (searching) Well… not really visiting. You seeHe grabs Carol and walks away. Frank is wondering what’s going on with Adam and the Toogee who continue to stare at each other. FRANK (to Adam) If you’re trying to get him to blink give up. I don’t think he has any eyelids. Some military personnel enter the bar. The bartender points to Ben and Carol. CAROL So much for acting naturalFrank sees the soldiers. FRANK (to Toogee) If you’ll excuse usFrank stands and moves away from the table. Adam continues to stare at the Toogee. 62
A soldier grabs Carol who struggles to break free. Ben comes up behind the soldier and breaks a bottle over his head. BEN (to Carol) I’m not a violent man but… The bartender smashes a bottle over Ben’s head. Carol struggles to keep him up. Another soldier grabs Carol but Frank karate chops him on the back of the neck. FRANK (grabs hand in pain) Jesus that hurt. CAROL Help me with Ben, Frank! Frank grabs Ben and drags him into the back room. IN THE BACK ROOM Frank practically backs into a Toogee getting a blowjob by an old woman. FRANK Hate to interruptAnother Toogee comes up behind Ben and Frank. IN THE BAR Carol screams as a Toogee tries to grab her. Adam grabs him and pushes him away. ADAM We have to leaveSOLDIER (to Adam) Don’t move! Two soldiers with weapons drawn surround Adam and Carol. Another soldier goes into the back room. Ben and Frank are gone. EXT. OLD DESERT HOME - DAY A lonely ramshackle home in the desert. The black Cadillac sits out front.
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INT. DESERT HOME - DAY A small cluttered living room. Trash lines the floors. Out of place are some exquisite paintings that hang in cheap frames on the walls. Ben and Frank chained to a radiator running along the floor. The bartender comes in and bends down to take a look at the hostages. BARTENDER Time to wake up, fella. He slaps Ben a couple of times on the face. Ben slowly opens his eyes. BEN Where’s Carol? BARTENDER Military grabbed your other friends. BEN What do you want? BARTENDER Not a matter of what I want. It’s what Billy and his brother Dirty Pete need. BEN They can have the vileHe walks out of the room. Frank starts to come around. BEN You OK? Frank looks at his chains. FRANK It’s getting worse. It just keeps getting worse. Footsteps can be heard. FRANK Who’s that? BEN Billy the Toogee and his brother Dirty Pete. 64
The door swings open two of the Toogees from the bar slink in. They are carrying buckets. FRANK Oh God, they’ve got buckets, Ben. They place the buckets on the floor. The brother stands passively as Billy kneels and takes a small bottle and cloth out of the bucket. FRANK (to Billy) I think we should talk about thisBilly dabs some liquid from the bottle onto the cloth. FRANK I have some money-You can have it. Anything you wantNo response from Billy. FRANK Help me here, Ben! BEN Come on, Billy. Step on it. Billy looks at Ben. BEN Don’t dawdle we have much excruciating torture in front of us so, let’s get cracking. FRANK (Stunned) What are you doing? BEN Can’t think of a more comfortable frame of mind right now then humorous resignation. FRANK It’s not humorous, Ben! Billy moves towards Frank who struggles to move away.
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FRANK Get the hell away from me! BEN Show him the fulfilling death, Frank. The death which shall be a spur and a promise to the living. Billy pauses. BILLY (Raspy almost inaudible voice) Nietzsche. BEN (Surprised) That’s right. BILLY Will to Power. BEN Will to Power, right. Greek society and its values of ecstasy and intoxication… Billy tries to hold Frank down. FRANK So much for the bonding, Ben. (to Billy) I have the right to know the form of my murder you fucking freak! Billy pauses. BILLY I am going to remove your thymus gland. FRANK (desperate) It’s a bad idea. Mine is bad. It’s cancerous. Horribly cancerous. Huge polyps are on it. It’s quite terminal. Billy looks at his brother who grabs Frank’s legs.
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FRANK (singing) My country ‘tis of thee, sweet land of libertyBLAM! The front door is kicked in and Big Al strides in holding a shotgun. Billy stands up. BILLY This doesn’t concern you, Big Al. BIG AL Like hell it doesn’t, Billy. BILLY We need the T cells or we’re deadBIG AL I know the government has screwed you over but this is not the way. It’s just not the way. DIRTY PETE We won’t be lied to anymoreBig Al winces as if a knife was stuck in his head. He aims the shotgun at Dirty Pete. BIG AL (grimacing) Don’t think I won’t turn you into roadkill, Dirty Pete now knock it off! EXT. DESERT ROAD - DAY Big Al’s truck guns down the desert road. INT. BIG AL TRUCK(MOVING) - DAY Ben and Frank lay low next to Big Al. BEN I don’t know how you found us but thanks. I’m afraid to know what they would have done if you hadn’t stepped in.
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BIG AL They would have killed you, that’s what. I saved you sure, but the military is another matter. They want that sample back and they won’t stop till they get it. BEN When I get my friends back they can have it. FRANK What the hell is going on out here, Big Al? BIG AL The less you know the better. BEN Who are the Toogees? BIG AL I’m not supposed to talk about it. FRANK They almost harvested body parts from me. I have a right to know. BIG AL The locals call them Toogees. It means second generation. Let’s just say they are the forgotten first experiment. BEN First experiment with what? BIG AL I can’t tell you anymore. Hell, I barely know anything myself. Tell you what, give me the sample and I’ll see if I can get trade for your friends. BEN I don’t have it. BIG AL Where is it?
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BEN I hid it and I’m not giving it to anyone till I see my friends. BIG AL Dammit! He turns off onto a dirt road. INT. MILITARY BASE HALLWAY – DAY A long sterile hallway. MILITARY PERSONNEL walk by. A serious-looking man by the name a MAJOR FALLSTAFF (40s) looks through some paperwork as he enters a room. INT. WHITE ROOM – DAY Carol sits on a chair with her hands tied. The chair is the only piece of furniture in the room. Fallstaff enters the room. He looks over some files as he paces around Carol. CAROL You’re wasting your time. FALLSTAFF And why is that? CAROL Like I told the guards, I don’t know where the vile is. FALLSTAFF I believe you. CAROL Then what the hell am I doing here? FALLSTAFF What did Burton Davis say to you? CAROL A few words that’s all. He was half-dead when we found him. FALLSTAFF What did he say?
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CAROL Nothing specific. He was mumbling. FALLSTAFF What did he say? CAROL Words, all right? Bridge, government, just a few words. FALLSTAFF Tell me what he said. CAROL (crying) I told youEXT. DESERT - DAY The truck comes to a stop in on a barren stretch of land. Big Al gets out. Ben and Frank sit in the truck looking at him. BEN What are we doing out here, Big Al? Big Al doesn’t respond as he looks over the horizon. BEN (getting out) Al? Frank gets out also. They walk towards Big Al. BEN (to Big Al) What’s going on? A military helicopter can be seen coming towards them. FRANK (to Ben) Can you believe it? The son of a bitch set us up. (to Big Al) You bastard! You saved us to give to the military.
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BIG AL You boys should have let well enough alone. BEN They’re going to kill usBIG AL None of my businessBEN Of course it’s your business. You work for them. The helicopter draws closer. BIG AL None of my businessFRANK Stop saying that! BEN (to Frank) I guess there’s nothing we can do butBen tackles Big Al. He tries to hold Big Al down. BEN (struggling) Get the keys, Frank! Frank grabs the keys from Big Al’s pocket. FRANK One more thing, Al- Fuck you! He kicks Big Al in the face. Ben and Frank race towards the truck and hop in. Ben starts the truck and they take off in a cloud of smoke. The helicopter gives chase. INT BIG AL TRUCK(MOVING) – DAY Ben has his pedal to the medal. FRANK This is a noble effort but you realize that’s an Apache chopper-
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BEN We’ll just have to outrun itEXT. DESERT -DAY The gun on the Apache strafes the truck. INT. BIG AL TRUCK(MOVING) - DAY FRANK Looks like they read your mindEXT. DESERT - DAY Trying to make a difficult target, the truck weaves in and out. INT. BIG AL TRUCK(MOVING) – DAY FRANK Let’s hope they don’t have anything more… EXT. DESERT – DAY The Apache fires a missile at the truck. It just misses. INT. BIG AL TRUCK(MOVING) – DAY BEN If we can get up on the pavement and get it up to 110, I think we can outrun themFRANK (looking out back window) Maybe the chopper but I don’t know about thatBen looks in the rearview mirror. EXT. DESERT – DAY An alien craft like we saw earlier, hovers over the Apache. The chopper gives ground as the craft hovers above the truck. INT. BIG AL TRUCK(MOVING) – DAY Frank and Ben look out the window at the craft above them. FRANK We are in serious trouble. 72
BEN This is not one of those situations you can really plan forFRANK I think you should stopBEN Why? FRANK Flying saucers have death rays, Ben! The truck starts to sputter. The engine shuts off and the truck crawls to a stop. BEN Well, I didn’t do thatFRANK LookEXT. DESERT – DAY Several military vehicles head in their direction. INT. MILITARY BASE METAL ROOM - NIGHT Ben and Frank are strapped down to tables in the middle of a metal room shaped like a box. In one corner is a table that has medication and a variety of syringes laying on it. FRANK Game over, Ben. End of the road. BEN MaybeFRANK You get only so many close calls in life and I’ve used all mine up in the past 24 hoursFrank scans the room. He looks down.
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FRANK There’s a drain on the floor. I bet this is the execution room where they put a fucking bullet in the back of your head. Then your head explodes like a watermelon and the drain does its magic by drawing off the excess blood and brain fragments. Notice the gentle slope of the floor towards the center… BEN All right, Frank. I get the point. (beat) It would have been a great company. (beat) Bengame Software. FRANK That’s the name you decided on? BEN Yeah. You like it? FRANK As a matter of fact, no. It sounds too much like Ben Gay. Fallstaff enters the room followed by a MEDICAL TECHNICIAN. FALLSTAFF (to Ben and Frank) GentlemenThe technician goes over to the tray of syringes. He picks one. BEN (to Falstaff) We don’t need to do this. Just let my friends go and you can have the vile back. FALSTAFF I guess I this time you’re telling the truth. FRANK We are. We’re telling the truth.
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BEN That’s right, no tricks. Let us go and you can have… Ben watches the technician look for a vein in Frank’s arm. FRANK Oh God, Ben. They’re injecting me with poisonEXT. MILITARY BASE – NIGHT Two SOLDIERS stand outside some double doors. Some headlights head their way. Dirty Pete in the black Cadillac pulls up a few feet from them. As they cover their eyes from the lights, several Toogees appear from the corner of the building and attack them. INT. MILITARY BASE HALLWAY – NIGHT The Toogees come through the doors and come down the hallway. MILITARY PERSONNEL that come out of their offices grab their ears and drop to their knees in pain. IN AN OFFICE Adam sits on a stool dozing off. Suddenly the door opens and the TOOGEE with the bad skin comes in. They look at each other. IN THE METAL ROOM The truth serum given to Ben and Frank is taking effect. Falstaff checks the pupils on Ben. FALSTAFF What’s your name? BEN Benjamin BradleyFALSTAFF Do you know where you are? BEN Hell? Frank starts giggling. Ben joins in.
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FALSTAFF Where did you put the vile? BEN Up your ass? Frank is really laughing now. Falstaff angrily looks at the technician. FALSTAFF Up the dosage! A SOLDIER rushes into the room. SOLDIER We have a problem with the ToogeesFALSTAFF What are they doing now? SOLDIER They’re attacking us, sir. IN CENTRAL OFFICE AREA The Toogees are ransacking the complex. Adam pushes through the mayhem and opens a door. IN SMALL ROOM Adam enters to see Carol lying on a couch. CAROL Adam! ADAM C’mon we’re getting out of here! He takes her by the arm and they leave the room. IN CENTRAL OFFICE AREA Adam and Carol move around the Toogees who ransack the offices. CAROL What’s happening?
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ADAM It’s an uprisingSeveral SOLDIERS appear wearing headgear. Before they can shoot, several Toogee grab them. The Toogee with the bad skin comes out of a room dragging Ted who is trying to get away. CAROL Ted! TED Help! The Toogee drags Ted over to Adam and Carol. ADAM (to Toogee) Thanks. TOOGEE Don’t mention it. IN A HALLWAY Ben and Frank stumble down the hallway giggling. BEN How did you get out of those straps again? FRANK It’s using sphincter control that I learned in yogaBen is doubled over in laughter. BEN How the hell does that help withAhead of them, soldiers back up into the hallway fighting with Toogees. BEN (laughing) I think we should hideFRANK And seek? 77
An electronic sliding door opens up in front of them and two SCIENTISTS come running out. BEN Follow me. Ben and Frank go in before the doors shut. IN A LARGE LABORATORY They enter a laboratory filled with electronic monitors and other strange equipment. Along the wall are rows of darkened windows. Ben looks at the computer equipment. BEN This is state of the artFrank wanders over to the windows and looks in. An ALIEN CREATURE pops into view. Frank falls back in shock. FRANK Ben! Another Alien behind the window appears. Shorter and less human then the Toogees, they have large heads and underdeveloped bodies. One of them has a cigarette in his mouth. BEN What the hell are they? FRANK Maybe we shouldn’t make any sudden movesBEN Somehow I doubt if a sudden move is going to cause them much concern. FRANK (slowly to aliens) Do you speak English? The aliens look at each other. IN THE HALLWAY Adam, Carol and Ted search through the rooms looking for Frank and Ben.
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ADAM They’ve got to be in here somewhere. CAROL Are you sure they’re here? ADAM That’s what the Toogee told me. TED I see you’ve been making friends with the nativesIN THE LABORATORY Ben and Frank are sitting on some stools by the windows. Ben is communicating with the aliens telepathically. BEN (to Frank) He said Zeta Reticuli. FRANK Wow. BEN Four and a half light years away. FRANK Ask him if he’s got another cigaretteAdam and the rest come into the room. Carol rushes over to Ben. CAROL Ben, are you all right? (looking at aliens) Oh my GodBEN (unsteady) I never felt better, really. I’d like to introduce you to some new buddies of mineFRANK (to Ted) I knew you were still alive. I told everyone79
TED I was wondering myself. They’ve had me drugged up since I got here. FRANK Join the clubCAROL (looking at aliens) Why are they here? BEN (realizing) That’s the one I forgot to askAdam comes over to the glass. He gazes at the aliens. ADAM Because their survival and ours is not some preordained evolutionary program. CAROL What does that mean? ADAM It means that the viles we found contained alien spermatogonial stem cells. Apparently, Burton was trying to expose this whole operation to the world. FRANK We had alien cum? ADAM Their race is dying and in a few hundred years so will ours. In time, due to urban crowding, massive refugee movements and antibiotic resistance, new super infectious agents will spread with lightning speed throughout the planet. They are here to create new genotypes that possess favorable mutations resistant to disease for both humans and them. BEN That’s so cool-
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CAROL The Toogees areADAM Second generation hybrids. A forgotten first experiment consigned to live in the desert in silence. Suffering from underdeveloped digestive and immunological systems, some have resorted to killing outsiders and absorbing their T cells into their skin to stay alive. TED What are a few missing tourists? ADAM In exchange they give the military access to their alien technology. Carol looks at the alien smoking a cigarette. CAROL He wants me to take my top offBEN Probably for scientific reasons, Carol. They told me their genitalia was atrophiedCAROL They told you that? Dirty Pete along with other Toogees rush into the room with Falstaff. FALSTAFF (to Toogees) We need to talk about this. Stop shoving and let’s have a discussion. They throw him to the floor in front of the aliens. FALSTAFF I’m simply following ordersFRANK Zeg heil! Dirty Pete walks up to the windows. He peers at the aliens. 81
DIRTY PETE They feel nothing for us. It’s not in their nature to feel anything. (looks at Falstaff) The same can’t be said for humans. (beat) We are the true illegal aliens. FALSTAFF If you let me make a few calls we can come to some kind of agreementDIRTY PETE Which you will break. CAROL (to Dirty Pete) What do you want? DIRTY PETE The same as you. We accept that we will never live among the humans like the third generation but we nevertheless deserve to live. BEN There’s a third generation? DIRTY PETE They appear human so they walk among you undetected. They are unaware that they are hybrids. CAROL They’re unaware? DIRTY PETE The differences are minor. Like us they have underdeveloped digestive systems so they can’t eat solid foods, they never get ill, have no nipples and are emotionally cold. BEN (thinking) I may have dated one-
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FRANK I wouldn’t call not having nipples minor in my book. Carol looks at the aliens. CAROL That explains why the keep requesting that I show them my tits. EXT. MILITARY BASE – NIGHT The group walks outside where several Toogees have soldiers tied up. CAROL (to Ben) This is going to win me the Pulitzer. BEN Just spell my name correctly, darling. FRANK I don’t know about you, but I don’t like this whole get rid of the inefficient among us program. Eliminate the human genes that are weak? Didn’t someone try this fifty years ago? TED You’re just mad because your genes will probably be the first to goFRANK The whole thing smacks of a molecular AuschwitzBEN Molecular Auschwitz? BEN (to Frank) Maybe man must go beyond himself and become something superior. A superman.
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FRANK Enough with the Nietzsche, Ben. He wasn’t talking about breeding with aliens and also he went insane in a mental institution quaffing on his own piss. Adam goes up to Dirty Pete and other Toogees who hold Falstaff. ADAM What are you going to do with him? DIRTY PETE We were thinking of removing his thymus gland(beat) But it probably would do no good. We’ll hold him hostage till the government brings the necessary medical care for us. FRANK As a minority group you have a constitutional right to a hand out. BEN (to the Toogees) I want you guys to know that you’re secret is safe with us. We will never reveal to anyone about our experiences here. CAROL (under her breath) Speak for yourself. DIRTY PETE Another human making a promise he can’t keep. TED We’ll keep it. Nobody would believe us anyway. EXT. MILITARY GUARD HOUSE – DAY The group piles out of the Cadillac by the entrance to the military base. Dirty Pete sticks his head out of the car. DIRTY PETE I apologize for trying to rip your thymus glands out. I hope you don’t take it personally. 84
BEN None taken. DIRTY PETE You won’t remember but I need a clear conscience. The Cadillac drives off. CAROL What does he mean, we won’t remember? FRANK I will definitely remember that sick little incident. A small alien craft comes up over the ridge and sits a few feet directly above them. ADAM Sorry guys, this is going to be a lost weekend. As the others look at him, a green light envelops the group. EXT. DESERT – DAY The gang wanders through the desert in a daze. FRANK We are going to die out here and the buzzards are going to choke on my carcassTED Where the hell is my van? CAROL Where the hell are we? BEN Doesn’t anybody know what happened? FRANK Did we toadlick? Toadlicking has been known to cause blackoutsTED I remember not having the toad.
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CAROL (looking ahead) Look, a road. We see a car moving along a road in the distance. INT. MOBILE HOME(MOVING) – DAY Roger and Alexander are up front while the rest of the gang is in the back. ALEXANDER You don’t remember anything? ROGER The military was chasing you and you hid out with us? The dying guy with the silver box? Nothing? They all look at each other. BEN What on earth are you talking about? ALEXANDER Didn’t you see anything? TED I seen Lizard Lee eat a live wasp. (beat) I don’t know why I said that. BEN Since the Rave none of us can remember a damn thing. FRANK I get the feeling that that’s a good thing.
ROGER (to Alexander) They washed their memories. ALEXANDER Just like they washed ours. 86
ROGER Government, man. Clouded, shrouded and liquefied. Carol looks through her bag. She sees something. CAROL I don’t remember picking this upShe shows Roger and Alexander the same little box that the waitress had. Roger opens the lid. INT. RESTAURANT – DAY Ben, Frank and Ted sit in the same restaurant in Los Angeles. Ben plays with his straw. TED (to Ben) I don’t know what you’re so upset about. You’ve got your new company. BEN I wish I could remember what happened in the desert. Since we got back Carol has lost all interest in me. FRANK Figures. To be honest I always thought she was a stocking filled with mud. TED I wouldn’t beat yourself up over it. BEN I guess you’re right. (beat) It’s tough to lose the girl though. TED Look at Frank. He always loses the girl and you don’t see him moping(beat) Bad example.
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FRANK I don’t mopeTED You are a walking mopeBEN Maybe she found someone else. INT. CAROL’S APARTMENT – NIGHT Adam and Carol sit on the couch drinking wine. CAROL -and she says I know but the box says three to six years. No response from Adam. CAROL Don’t you get it? ADAM I get it. It’s very funny. CAROL Yeah, I bet. (beat) You sure you’re not hungry? I can make something. ADAM I’m just not that hungry right now. She takes his glass and grabs the bottle of wine. CAROL You don’t know what you’re missing. I make the best some of the best pasta this side… She accidentally spills some wine on him. CAROL Shit. I’m sorryADAM It’s OK, don’t worry abut it88
CAROL I’ve got a shirt you can wear. She goes to a closet and takes out a men’s shirt. She hands it to him. CAROL Don’t worry, It’s my fathers. Adam takes the shirt. INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT Adam enters the bathroom. He looks at himself in the mirror as he unbuttons his shirt. He removes it and we see he has no nipples as we FADE OUT
THE END
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