DISCIPLINING TODDLERS TAKES PATIENCE AND SKILL
Toddlers are very curious children and anxious to explore the world
around them. Their explorations may take them into unacceptable places
that could threaten their safety or result in damage to someone’s favorite
item. Observations show that toddlers probably need discipline every 3 to 9
minutes when they are at home, and as often as every minute when they are
away from home. So what’s the best way to discipline children this age?
Most child development experts agree that punishing by scolding,
slapping, or isolating are not appropriate. These techniques are directed
towards obedience and compliance. Instead the focus should be on helping
children develop feelings of confidence and trust themselves as well as their
parents and caregivers. A relationship should develop where children see
their parents and caregivers as allies to assist them in the process of growing
up.
Consider the following suggestions in developing effective discipline
for toddlers.
• Be sympathetic and understanding, even when children
engage in unacceptable behavior. Distract children to activities
that are acceptable.
• Even young children imitate the adults who care for them.
Toddlers who see an adult using a scissors may also try to use
that tool. Therefore it is best to keep objects that might be
dangerous out of the sight and reach of young children.
Toddlers do not have the language skills or thinking abilities to
understand explanations about safety, therefore dangers need
to be removed.
• Focus on showing and telling children what they can do, rather
than what they can not do. If a toddler is squeezing a baby’s
arm too tight say “Touch the baby gently, like this”. Take the
child’s hand and demonstrate how to stroke the baby. If this
fails, it may be necessary to move the baby out of the toddler’s
reach.
• Learn what behavior can be reasonably expected of children at
various ages. For example, children under the age of two
rarely share toys and play together cooperatively. Trouble
arises when adults expect this behavior too soon.
• Limit choices offered. Too many choices become
overwhelming for young children. Make sure the choices you
offer, you can accept. For example, “Would you like to play
with blocks or play dough?” is better than asking, “What would
you like to do?”
• When children seem to misbehave deliberately use logical
consequences rather than punishment. This takes patience
and a cool head. For example, if a child repeatedly throws food
on the floor, simply remove the child from the high chair and
say, “I see you have finished eating”.
• Give children attention when they are acting appropriately.
This will help to prevent them from misbehaving to get
attention. To a child even negative attention is attention. For
example, if a child is playing quietly, join in and play with him or
her even for a short time. Don’t wait until your child is bored
and screaming to give him or her attention.
• Establish some basic rules and be consistent when enforcing
them.
• Use both words and actions to guide children. Shouted
instructions are rarely effective. If your toddler is moving
toward a potentially dangerous place (1) move him or her out of
danger (2) gently say “no – let’s find some toys” and (3) distract
the child by finding a safe place to play with the toys.
The ultimate goal of discipline is to help children become responsible
for their own behavior. Toddlers need patient, understanding help as they
learn what is and is not acceptable behavior. Teach through example and
direct children in ways that help them feel accepted and competent.
For more tips on parenting, check out the web site at
http://skagit.wsu.edu/FAM/LivingSmart.htm.