How to talk to someone who is being abusive to their partner
How you choose to deal with someone who is abusive to their partner will depend on what your relationship is with them. What if you are witnessing abuse but don’t know the people involved: Tell the abuser it’s not okay Call on help from other people (friends, family, etc.) This will depend on the severity of what is happening. If it’s physical to the point of serious bodily harm, calling police or paramedics may be your only option. Create a distraction Stand where abusive person can see that the actions are being witnessed.
What if you know the abusive partner: If your friend or relative is being abusive to their partner, they need to know that their violence is unacceptable and must stop immediately. Because you two share a close relationship, you are the best person to tell them. Your friend or relative more than likely values your opinion of them and wants to maintain your respect. That’s why your words may carry weight and could be just the encouragement they need to take responsibility for their actions. People who abuse don’t just hurt their partners, they also hurt themselves. Demanding that they stop their abusive right now is one of the most powerful ways you can demonstrate concern for their well-being. Here’s how: Pick a time when your friend would be willing to listen. Tell them how much you care about them and that you’re worried about the effects their behavior is having on their partner and themselves. Demonstrate respect, not blaming. Let them know that the abuse of power and control in a relationship is wrong. Tell them that the conflict in relationships is normal but that nothing their partner does makes it ok for them to hurt their partner. Let them know that they need help in figuring out alternatives to violence, and offer to assist them in getting it . Explain that domestic violence is a crime and that their abuse can land them in jail. Be a role model for healthy relationships. If you have a history of violence and have been able to stop abusing, or you’ve had a history of problems controlling your anger and you’re learned techniques to manage it, your experience could help your friend understand that change is possible. Remember, you don’t have to be an expert. Your role is to be a friend, not a counselor. There are professionals in the Bay Area who provide expert services and advice. You can be supportive by insisting that your friend contact those who can help. If your friend or relative refuses to stop their violence, admit their problem or seek help, tell them your friendship may be in jeopardy.