emotions by f0r5g0g3


									Dealing with Emotions in the

  William Ashton, Ph.D.
The content of this workshop is based upon
 sound psychological research. However, I
 cannot guarantee that the procedures
 presented will work in every situation. The
 political and organizational context you will
 be working in will have a profound effect
 upon the usefulness of the following
Some Definitions
   Conflict
    –   a Mixed-Motive Situation
    –   I want one thing and you want it too
   Emotion
    –   a psychological state caused by both
        physiological and cognitive processes
    –   Frustration-Aggression Hypothesis
   “Party” & “Other”
Goals of this Workshop
 Understand the importance of dealing with
  emotional behavior so that attention can be
  refocused on positive & productive effort.
 Identify ways to handle your own reaction
  to another’s emotional behavior
 Learn when to allow someone to ventilate
  or to cool-down
 Learn basic conflict resolution skills
Don’t Sweep It Under a Rug!
    Change is opportunity and danger
 Avoidance is Bad
    –   Poor organizational functioning
    –   Increased job stress
   Conflict is Good
    –   New information
    –   New procedures
    –   Staff Changes
Son of
Don’t Sweep It Under a Rug!
   Anger is good
    –   Anger is a natural human emotion
    –   Anger is a symptom which can alert you to an
        important underlying cause
    –   Use anger as a signal: Look for its cause
Why Avoid?
 Lack of Conflict Resolution Skills
 Corporate Culture
    –   Does your culture encourage open discussion or
        frown upon open conflict?
 Personal Style
 Personal History
Personal Style
 Conflict Styles
 Ignore conflict/feelings
 Soothe feelings
 Explore conflict and possibilities
 Appeal to Authority
 Ignore feelings focus upon facts
 Hypersensitive/over-responsive to conflict
 Assert self as final arbitrator
Personal History
   What is your personal history with conflict?
    –   How did your parents handle conflict (with
        each other and with you)?
    –   How did you handle conflict as a child?
    –   How do you handle conflict with your
        significant others (spouse/children)?
    –   How do you handle conflict at work?
   What is your orientation towards conflict?
Dealing Effectively with your Response to
Another's Emotions

 Reflect upon your Conflict Style
 Control Stress Reaction
    –   Fight or Flight Response
    –   Secret Breath
    –   Personal Space
   Escape Pod
    –   “I’m surprised that you feel this way and I’m a
        little taken aback right now, can we talk about
        this at 3:30 today?”
To Ventilate or Not to Ventilate
… that is the question
   Good Times to Ventilate
    –   When the target is not present
    –   Whey you are not the target
    –   When you do not know what is going on or the
        party’s viewpoint
    –   When the party is upset and you feel that
        talking it out will help
To Ventilate or Not to Ventilate

   When Not to Ventilate
    –   When there is not enough time
    –   When you are upset
    –   When the party and target are upset and
        uninterested in talking
          Yelling
          Name Calling
 Allows for parties to voice their concerns
  and feelings
 Provides both parties with information
  regarding the other’s viewpoint
 It provides an emotional release which
  paradoxically calms down the system
 It creates an atmosphere for problem
Ventilation Skills
 Acknowledge & support the emotional
 Set up ground rules
    –   “I’ll give party 5 minutes to tell me their story
        and then other 5 minutes to tell me their story.
        Please don’t interrupt. Everybody will have
        their chance.”
   Use Listening Skills
Cooling Down Period
 Speak softly and calmly (quietly)
 Acknowledge & support the emotional
    –   “You seem upset. I can see that this issue is
        very important to you.”
    –   “You are quiet and are not responding to my
        questions. I can tell that this is upsetting you.”
More on the
Cooling Down Period
   Describe the effect of the emotional
    –   “When you refuse to respond to my questions,
        it’s difficult for me to help you.”
    –   “You are speaking so loudly that I am
        beginning to feel attacked. I’m not able to help
        you when I feel this way.”
    –   “Slamming things on you desk is disrupting the
Even More on the
Cooling Down Period
   Your Back Up Phrase
    –   “This behavior is inappropriate behavior for
        the office.”
   Negotiate a cooling down period
    –   Give parties something to do - write out story
    –   Set definite time & agenda
          “At4:30 we will get together to talk about this
          problem and I’ll listen to both of your concerns.”
Son of the
Cooling Down Period
   Offer reassurance and support
    –   “You are both very upset right not and you both
        have a good reason to be. However, now is not
        the right time to try to solve this problem.
        We’ll discuss this at 3:30.”
   If you are the target, arrange to have a third-
    party at the meeting
Conflict Resolution
   The Setting
    –   Privacy & free from interruptions
    –   Right length of time
   Ground Rules
    –   focus upon the problem, not the person
    –   no attacks (name calling, yelling)
    –   don’t bring up the past
    –   take responsibility for you actions
Conflict Resolution:
Information Gathering
1. Party tells their side of the story and how
  they feel using “I” messages
2. Other retells party’s side of the story. Then
  they may question for better understanding.
3. Other tells their side of the story and how
  they feel using “I” messages.
4. Party retells other’s side of the story. Then
  they may question for better understanding.
Information Gathering:
An Example
   Party: “Accounting is full of a-holes. Our hands are tied --
    every time we ask them for a P.O. it takes them five days
    to get it to us.”
   Mediator: “Remember our ground rules, no name calling.
    Can you restate what you said as an “I” statement?”
   Party: “Okay. When accounting takes five days to get us a
    P.O. I feel angry because the departments are yelling at us
    for their supplies. I want accounting to be faster with the
   Mediator: “Okay, I can see how upsetting that situation
    can be and you have the right to be angry. Other, could you
    restate party’s story?”
   Other: “It’s not our fault, they always forget the supplier’s
    code and FEIN # and we have to look it up.”
   Mediator: “Remember our ground rules. You first have to
    restate party's story. Then we’ll hear yours.”
   Other: “Okay. Party said that when we take five days to
    do a P.O. they get upset because the department are mad at
    them for supplies. He wants us to be faster. Okay?”
   Mediator: “Yes, thank you. Now, can you describe your
    side with an “I” statement?”
   Other: “When party submits a P.O. without a supplier s
    code or FEIN #, we have to look it up. We get upset at that
    because it slows us down. I want everyone here to
    remember to put down their supplier code and FIEN #s.”
   Mediator: “Thank you for working with the process. Now,
    party can you retell other s story?”
   Party: “Other said that when we submit a P.O. without a
    supplier s code or FEIN # they have to look it up. They get
    upset because it slows them down. They wish that we
    would remember to put down the code and FEIN #.”
Conflict Resolution:
5. Both parties come to an agreement to the
  nature of the problem.
6. Both parties brainstorm possible solutions
  to the problem.
7. Both parties agree to a solution.
8. If no agreement, find a best alternative
  given no agreement.
An Example
   Mediator: “Okay, what’s the problem here?”
   Party: “You mean that those blanks on the P.O.s are important?”
   Other: “Yep. We can’t submit the P.O.s to accounting without
    it -- they get sent back.”
   Party: “I didn’t know that. Most of the time we have the
    information. We’re just too busy to put it down.”
   Other: “Somebody has to. We either have to call you,
    accounting or the vendor to get the info.”
   Party: “From now on we’ll enter the information when we have
Neat Negotiation Tricks
 Separate Demands from Interests
 Nonspecific Compensation
    –   party compensates other in some other way
   Expanding the Pie
    –   increasing the available resources
   Logrolling
    –   trade off important issues for unimportant
Workplace Violence
   What is workplace violence?
    –   Harassment
    –   Intimidation
    –   Threats
    –   Domestic partners brining domestic disputes
        into the workplace.
Warning Signs of
Workplace Violence
   Slot-movement
    –   neat appearance             messy appearance
    –   punctual           always late
    –   gregarious          withdrawn
   General Warning Signs
    –   Reduced productivity
    –   inconsistent work quality
    –    strained co-worker relations
    –    safety violations
    –    depression
    –   frequently blaming others
What to Do?
   Some researchers feel that there is no
    typical profile of an employee prone to
    workplace violence
    –   any worker is likely to become violent
   However, research shows that warning
    signs are present in two-thirds of episodes
Your Company’s (re)Action
   Be proactive!!! (be proactive!!!)
   Develop a Human Resource policy regarding
    employees who are showing warning signs
   Develop your policy with a human resource
    professional and an attorney
   Have counselor on call
    –   Referral to counselor must not be seen as a
(another)Word to the Wise
   The U.S. Office of Personnel Management,
    the federal government’s human resources
    agency, instructs employers to have
    advance planning for workplace violence
    issues, stating, The likelihood of a
    successful resolution is much greater if you
    have prepared ahead of time.
Thank You!
   Happy Conflict Resolution!
Rights of Use for This Material
   Some trainers are very protective of their materials –
    they’re afraid that they’re giving away their business. I
    feel that freely distributing information like this is just
    good advertising for a trainer or consultant. So please use
    my material as you see fit; with the provision that you, in
    print, reference me. Please use the following information –
    in full:
   William Ashton, Ph.D.
   The City University of New York, York College
   Department of Political Science and Psychology
   www.york.cuny.edu/~washton

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