EXT DAY - ESTABLISH WIDE SHOT OF
The CITY. Cars zooming by on highways, people roaming the
streets. A vibrant place.
PLAYGROUND SANDBOX - DAY
A LITTLE BOY is putting the finishing touches on a simple
sand castle. Looking down at his masterpiece, a dark shadow
rises up behind him in the form of a LARGER BOY who grins
evilly. The LITTLE BOY screams as the Large Boy looms over
him and stomps down with his foot, crushing the castle. The
Little Boy cries for his mommy and runs away as the Larger
Boy looks on.
Ha ha! Cry baby!
A moment later there is a large THUD. The ground trembles.
THUD. Car alarms start going off and people start to run
in panic. The Larger Boy looks around in surprise as a
HUGE SHADOW towers over him.
He turns around, looks up, and comes face to face with a
Godzilla type creature which lets out a hideous roar as the
boy screams in terror, rooted to the spot as the MONSTER’S
FOOT COMES DOWN and crushes the boy to a little red stain
in the sand.
Suddenly, the action stops and the words GAME OVER blinks
on the screen. Reveal we are actually in
INT. OFFICE CUBICLE - DAY
MITCHELL, a dark haired, overweight bespectacled classic
avoidance type personality web programmer in his mid
thirties looks at the monitor in panic. Behind him is a
plaque of him with the exact same look and the words, “The
Dot Com Company Employee of the Month.”
(to no in particular)
Hey! Who put Godzilla in my Sim City
Mitchel looks around then stands up and walks to the next
INT GUY’S CUBICLE
where GUY, a twenty something webmaster with blond hair and
a distinctly laid back attitude slouches in his chair
typing away, trying to ignore Mitchell standing behind him.
Uh, Guy? Did, did you put Godzilla
in my Sim City 10,000? Cause, um, if
you did I think that’s really rude and
you should, um, apologize.
Long awkward silence.
(trying to ignore him)
Did, did you put -
Well, did you see who might have put -
Oh, well, um, sorry I bothered you
then. I’ll go now.
He retreats from the cubicle. Moments later we hear a
Mitchell start to bawl like a baby. Guy steadies his
resolve and stares straight ahead at his screen, determined
not to get involved but his eyes keep darting in MITCHELL’s
He reaches for a small radio on his desk and turns it on,
all the while in the background we hear Mitchell bawling...
RADIO NEWS GUY (VO)
And in other news today, stock prices
again took another plunge on the Nasdaq,
this time led by The Dot Com Company,
which posted double digit losses for
the third straight quarter, leading
many analysts to predict that layoffs
will be in short coming.
Ah, they said that last year. You guys
don’t know what you’re talking about.
RADIO NEWS GUY (VO)
Correction. Layoffs are not being
projected for the Dot Com Company.
RADIO NEWS GUY (VO)
The Dot Com Company has instead gone
bankrupt and laid off all it’s workers
as of...well, just now.
RADIO NEWS GUY (VO)
Well blond boy, mister I’m too cool to
tell Mitchell who screwed with his
Sim City 10,000, looks like you’re up
shit’s creek without a paddle.
Have a nice day.
Guy turns off the radio and stands up to the sound of
silence (cue sound of barren winds and tumbleweed down the
Over the following montage of scenes we hear “The End” by
GUY WALKING THROUGH CORRIDORS
as construction people take down signs and ex-workers make
off with whole armfuls of office supplies. One person has a
forklift filled with computers as he drives off with them.
Another group is using a Xerox to make copies of their
bodies, tape the copies on a wall, put copies of smiling
CEOS on them holding bags of money, and start throwing
darts at them. Finally, Guy passes the
HUMAN RESOURCES OFFICE
which has a scrawled sign reading “no clubbing the
employees” while the rest of the office looks fresh out of
a war zone. There is a ticket dispenser attached to the
wall which reads “Pink Slips. Please take one only.” All
the tickets are shredded and litter the room like confetti.
As he looks round several heads pop up from behind desks,
but then retreat when he glances their way. Finally he
leaves. Reveal BEHIND A DESK three wide eyed, shaking
employees with baseball bats clutched to their chest
crouched behind their desks.
EXT CITY - SIDE WALK DAY
Guy mopes down the main street, oblivious to the craziness
around him and passes the
EXT UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE - DAY
A line wraps around the block filled with unemployed people
and cartoon characters waiting to get in. Finally, he
passes a large corporate building labeled
EXT MYSTERIOUS COMPANY X - DAY
unaware of a small “webmaster wanted” sign in the window
and travels out of frame. A long beat later, Guy zips back
into frame, gets another look at the sign and glances
around quickly, making sure he’s the only one who sees it.
Next he breaks into a little dance (with party music), runs
in and grabs the sign from the window.
CU OF NAMEPLATE READS “HAZEMAN - CEO’ sitting on the desk
INT HAZEMAN’S OFFICE DAY
HAZEMAN, a large broad man with penetrating eyes sits
behind a desk that would make most people look small
looking at Guy’s resume, his face hidden from view as Guy
sits across from him, trying to look hopeful (and catch a
glimpse of his future boss)
Yes. Uh-huh. ooh, I like what you did
here. Very good.
Reveal unknown from Guy’s POV an open box of Krispy Kreme
donuts stuffed in a drawer as Hazeman dunks one in a glass
(still trying to see around the paper)
Thank you, Mr. uh, Hazeman, sir. I’m
also fluent in all operating systems, and
can Network Manage if you need one as well.
Of course, I haven’t used those skills in
while, but I can assure you that I would
do my best to run your web site.
Hazeman grabs another donut. More dunking involved.
Well, that’s all very nice Guy, but what
I’m really looking for is someone willing
to go the extra mile,as it were. We have
an opening in one of our satellite offices,
and quite frankly its a position I don’t
want to fill with just any one, you see.
Certain, uh, sacrifices will have to be
Oh, I can do overtime Mr. Hazeman, no
problem. I once worked 24 hours straight.
Very Impressive. Single are we?
(don’t remind me)
The paper comes down, revealing Hazeman’s entire face.
Little bit scary as he smiles a very insincere smile.
Perfect. You’re hired.
EXT MYSTERIOUS COMPANY X - DAY
Hazeman and Guy walking as they continue their
Let me see if I’ve got this right. You
need someone to maintain a web site, but
you won’t tell me the office I’m going
to or the type of software I’m using?
Did I mention I’m paying you six times
what your old company did with full
benefits and stock options?
Actually, no you didn’t.
Good, just making sure. Don’t worry,
Guy, once we take care of this last detail
everything will be come clear. I promise.
They stop at an unmarked door, which Hazeman opens, but
INT GIANT LASER ROOM
It is a dark, windowless room dominated by a single piece
of equipment, a rather large machine with a long turret
pointing towards a large “X” on the ground illuminated by a
Hazeman ignores him and approaches the controls, which are
behind a standing up lead screen with a skull and
crossbones on it that reads “Danger- high voltage”
So, I’m guessing this is part of
your company’s top secret
technology, huh? Pretty impressive.
What kind of software you got in here?
Hazeman looks through a persicope-type device, trying to
put Guy in he cross hairs.
Come to papa.
Guy is in the cross hairs and turns, seeing the powered up
(realizing something is
A red beam shoots out of the laser. For a brief moment, we
can see Guy’s skeleton as he screams like a girl and then
INSIDE THE WEB: AN ISLAND IN A SEA OF INFORMATION - DAY
A rather large, circular island surrounded by blue sea. In
the middle sits an impressive art-deco type house with
more than a touch of Frank Lloyd Wright influence. Behind
the house, a cascading waterfall in action from a towering
rocky cliff above.
In front of the house stands a single Oak Tree. Most
curious, however, are the two stone half bridges on either
side of the island that abruptly stop over the water.
A sharp, whistling sound not unlike an incoming missile
pierces the air as Guy literally drops from the sky
(AAAGGGHHH) and crashes to the ground in a cloud of dirt.
LOOKING DOWN at the ROAD
There is a large “X” painted on the dirt road that runs in
front of the house. Guy is lying face up, stunned and
spread eagled on the ground in a perfect match with the “X”
Guy sits up with a groan, trying to keep the world’s
largest headache at bay by holding his head in his hands.
Oh man. Where am I?
He looks up, and his vision clears just enough to read an
old fashioned wood road sign that reads INFORMATION
SUPERHIGHWAY with arrows going in four different directions
(north, south, ect)
(beginning to stand)
Huh? Information superhighway? This
has to be joke.
Behind him and unseen by Guy, a blue convertible with the
top down comes gunning over the bridge behind him and gets
closer at an alarming speed.
ON GUY as he thinks through the logic of all this.
Ok, think G-man. Last thing I
remember is being zapped with a
No that can’t be right, cause if I
was zapped by a laser I’d be dead,
and I’m not dead. Or maybe I am
dead, but if that’s the case, where
the hell is everybody?
THE CAR heads straight for Guy from behind, and we HEAR “La
Cucaracha” on the horn.
Guy turns just in time to bodily brace for impact, but it
never comes. Opening his eyes reveals the car mere inches
Hazeman standing outside the car and leaning on it, tanned
and dressed in a tropical button down shirt, khaki shorts
Are you nuts? You almost killed me.
Oh, stop complaining. I couldn’t possibly
have killed you. You’d have to be in the
real world for that.
(admiring the view)
Beautiful day, isn’t it? Programmed
it myself. Little humid though.
He looks beyond the stunned Guy at the house beyond him,
something catching his eye
I say, when did that happen?
He walks away from Guy, who’s babbling to himself.
It’s a dream. That’s it. I’m home
right now passed out on the couch.
Any moment I’m going to wake up and -
Hazeman continues towards the house, then stops and looks
at Guy with barely disguised impatience.
Well? You coming, or do you plan on
babbling to yourself for the rest of
eternity? I’m a busy man.
HAZEMAN AND GUY walk towards the house.
So let me see if I’ve got this straight.
you’re telling me I’m alive, but not
in the real world.
Ok, but then what world am I in?
The internet. You’re inside the
internet, specifically, my company
web site. I simply digitized your body
into tiny sub atomic particles and
uploaded you. Rather ingenuous really,
saw it in a movie once.
I’m inside a computer?
Better. You’re inside the corporate
web site of Mysterious Company “X”. All
I ask is that you maintain the house
and the surrounding island using your
vastly over valued skills. In return,
I’ve set up a rather large account in
your name, payable in full upon the
completion of your service contract.
EXT. HOUSE - DAY
Now wait a minute, Mr. Hazeman. I
never signed any contract.
Hazeman holds up an official looking paper in Guy’s face.
The signature line is empty.
What if I refuse?
Does the phrase “in perpetuity”
Beat. Hazeman hold out a pen. Guy grabs it and signs.
Hazeman rolls up the contract and puts it in his pocket,
Excellent. Now let me show you around.
He opens the door.
No, no, after you.
Oh,for Pete’s sake!
Hazeman and Guy enter
INT. HOUSE - FOYER - DAY
Guy stops in the entrance and looks around.
FROM HIS POV LEFT TO RIGHT
A hallway, the living room directly in front, and behind
the living room the kitchen, and another hallway to the
right. Again the look is modern without being obnoxious.
Guy looks around, but Hazeman has vanished.
Uh, Mr. Hazeman? Hello?
Hazeman is suddenly directly behind him. As soon as he
opens his mouth, Guy jumps.
Feel free to upload new furniture.
I had an IKEA catalog at the time.
Mr. Hazeman, could you please stop
Hazeman has vanished.
Then appears in front of Guy.
Guy tries to keep track of him.
Uh, that. It’s kind of, well
HAZEMAN reappears again, this time lounging on the living
room couch sipping a tropical drink.
Well, get used to it. This is the internet
after all. Weird things happen.
Hazeman is leaning against the refrigerator. Guy is
standing a safe distance away.
Take your refrigerator for example.
Hazeman opens it up, revealing a fully stocked fridge with
generic labeled food. He leans into the refrigerator, the
door now blocking him from our view as Guy stands behind
You like orange juice, Guy?
Well, sometimes, I guess.
One of Hazeman’s hands reappears holding a glass container
and shoves it at Guy.
Here, hold this. And don’t drop it.
Hazeman hands him another one.
And this one..and this one..
and this one too.
Hazeman starts to talk as he continues to pull OJ out of
the fridge until Guy’s arms are bulging with the stuff.
As you can see, every time I take
something out, it’s automatically
replaced. Works with just about
everything in the place really.
ON GUY as he continues his balancing act.
Uh, right. Got it.
Hazeman now appears behind Guy, who’s trying to keep the
bottles from breaking. He holds a clipboard in one hand.
Good we’ve covered the first few pages
of the manual. (scanning through it)
Now let’s see if there’s anything else
we need to go over...Hmm. Basic maintenance,
food and shelter, virus attacks..nope
nothing important. Well, it seems I’ll
be going then.
EXT. HOUSE - DAY
Hazeman approaches his car and gets in with Guy trailing
him, still holding the OJ.
Wait a minute. You’re leaving me here
all alone? you can’t do that.
Nonsense. Of course I can. I’m your
boss. I have to get back to work. I’m
not really here, you see. Unlike you.
He turns the ignition and guns the car.
Besides, you don’t really think I’d
leave you here all alone do you? I’ll
be sending the girls along shortly.
Virus protection. Lovely personalities.
programmed them myself. Well, bye!
From Guy’s POV we see Hazeman gun the convertible, heading
down the dirt road and onto the bridge, where he
disappears. Guy looks on, stunned, still holding the OJ.
EXT A SHOALIN TEMPLE -DAY
which sits atop a butte amid lush, mountainous Chinese
Hazeman’s blue convertible pulls up at the foot of the
INT. MODERN KITCHEN
Various closeups of a sink filled with dirty dishes and
used cookie sheets, stuff used for baking sitting on the
counters and several more cookie sheets covered with
uncooked donuts with various topping on them. Finally, we
see SABRE, a pretty teenager (16)dressed in a martial arts
training GI in the midst of placing even more donuts on
another sheet, a spatula placed nearby. She is humming an
unknown tune,clearly caught up in her work.
From behind, someone else approaches unseen by Sabre and
grabs the spatula from the counter. Sabre reaches for it,
realizes it’s gone and turns to see
another girl SAGE, also the same age and dressed similarly
(see character production pix) holding the spatula across
her arms, a teasing look in her eye. Sabre is not amused.
Note: during the following conversation, Sage will playing
“keep away” with the spatula in the kitchen while Sabre
tries to get it back.
Sage, I need that back.
You know why. now give..it...back...
(smiling, holding it away)
Hmm, now lets’s see. Could it be because
you have a crush on Hazeman? No that
couldn’t be it.
Ok, that does it...
She goes into her fighting stance. Exaggerated fight scene
between Sabre and Sage ensues a la “Crouching Tiger”, all
the while Sage keeps the spatula and the kitchen turns into
a disaster area. Finally, Sabre makes one trick move and
grabs the spatula back triumphant. And then for good
measure, sticks her tongue out a Sage, who is not
Sage looks behind Sabre and sees black smoke coming out of
the oven. Sabre sniffs the air. Uh-oh.
Sabre swings open the oven door and is briefly engulfed in
fire and black smoke, the spatula in her hands turns to
ashes and crumbled like dust. Pulling out the cookies
sheet, her donuts look like small black pieces of coal.
(barely contained fury)
Both turn around to see Hazeman standing in the doorway
amidst the ruined kitchen. Not happy.
(pointing to Sabre)
It was her.
No it wasn’t! I mean, it was, sort
of but Sage, she took my spatula
Sabre sighs, hangs her head in shame and proceeds out of
the kitchen followed by Sage, each calling each other names
under their breath.
EXT. DIRT ROAD - DAY
Hazeman is at the wheel of the convertible with Sabre and
Sage in the back seats.
Now, one last thing before I send you
away on your mission.
Mission? What mission?
I though we get to stay here with
Don’t be silly. I can use any off
the shelf virus protection for my PC.
I need you two on the server. Ah, we’re
EXT. MASSIVE WALKWAY DAY
The car pulls up to a sandy pathway as wide as a football
field with Stone Henge like slabs on either side. They exit
Now listen carefully, girls. Your primary
mission is to defend the site and the
webmaster at all costs, including your
Wow. He sounds important.
Hardly, but it would create far too
much paperwork in the event of his death.
Now just enter the path of my File
Transfer Protocol and you’ll be on your
way. Any questions? No? Well, then good
Hazeman gets back in the car. Sage looks at the path in
interest, but Sabre turns to look at Hazeman about to cry.
Oh, good god. Now what?
You don’t care about us anymore.
Nonsense. My feelings for the two of you
will never change.
he guns the motor and is about to pull away.
I’ve never cared about you.
As the car pulls way, Sabre’s face transforms from sadness
into anger into quiet fuming, ready to explode.
Sage looks back at Sabre, waiting.
Sabre whirls around and stalks up to Sage. Without saying a
word, takes out her sword and in the blink of an eye has
the blade eyepoint with Sage. A dangerous look in her eye.
EXT. THE MAIN HOUSE - DAY - ESTABLISH
EXT. HOT SPRING - DAY
Guy eyes the hot spring eagerly. Insert image of Guy
picturing himself in the spring relaxing. He begins to
strip with his back to the spring. As he turns back around
KASUMI, young woman (19-23) is already relaxing (naked) in
the hot tub, eyes closed. Both see each other for the first
CUT TO BLACK SCREEN THAT READS
“10 minutes of anime hijinks later” with sounds of things
crashing, people stumbling around “ooh..ow..look out.. eek”
RESUME HOT SPRING TWO SHOT OF GUY AND KASUMI
Sitting on opposite sides of the spring with only their
heads and necks visible.
I can’t believe he didn’t tell
you about me. Hmmff.
Well, he did seem pressed for time.
I wouldn’t take it personally.
Ok (pause)So, if you’re the new
webmaster you must be really smart.
(laying it on here)
Yes,I am. I went through a very
rigorous interview process. I
was chosen above millions of others,
and (pause) By the way, who are you?
I’m Kasumi, the web site mascot. I’m
I guess what you would call the house
Cool, so I have my own personal maid.
Maybe this place won’t be so bad after
SFX DOORBELL RINGS
A maid. You know. Someone who cleans
up after people. After all, I’m going
to be very busy doing webmaster, um,
Doorbell ring #2
Really, what does a webmaster do?
You don’t know? (she shake her head)
Well, we sit around a lot in, um
hot springs, and and do lots of
um, mastering stuff. It’s all
Really? I thought you were here to
take care of the house, like wash the
I don’t wash windows.
Doorbell ring # 3 - really persistent this time.
Mop the floors...
Do the dishes.
Uh. no way.
Hmm. Ok. Well, you can go answer the
Isn’t that your job?
And here I thought we had really
We did. Now you’re going to answer the
EXT HOUSE - MAIN DOOR - DAY
There is a rather large shadow on the door as it opens from
the inside revealing Guy standing in the entrance with a
towel wrapped around his waist. He comes face to face with
SPIDER VIRUS GARBOYLE - BIG, MEAN, AND NASTY!
INT. HOUSE DOORWAY / LIVING ROOM
Guy freezes just long enough for eyes to pop before he
slams the door shut, bracing it with his body, back to the
Kasumi! It’s for you!!!!
Who is it?
SFX large pounding on the door. It’s threatening to shake
Guy’s towel off as well as him off the door.
Kaaasssuuuummmiii!!! Little helllp!!!!
Just don’t answer the door!
A large spider limb comes crashing through the door,
narrowly missing Guy’s head.
Finally, the door gives way and sends Guy across the room
and he lands face first on the floor. His direct field of
view is filled with a pair of high heel shoes. He looks up,
from this angle practically (inadvertently of course)
looking up Kasumi’s dress as she evaluates the situation.
She’s even had time to do her hair and makeup. Impressive.
That’s not a Jehovah’s Witness. That’s
an evil virus, the cause of all evil
mayhem and destruction to the house.
(Looks down at Guy)
By the way, where’s your towel?
Guy scrambles for it, then stands up and darts behind
Kasumi as Garboyle continues to throw a tantrum in what is
left of the doorway, and soon becoming the front of the
house for that matter.
Well let’s get out of here, then!
We can’t. Then the house will be
evilly destroyed and that would be just
Garboyle takes another swing and accidentally hits a
support pillar in the front of the house, which causes a
cave in on top of him, along with part of the house. Dead
Kasumi walks over and hits it over the head with piece of
the wreckage as Guy stays a safe distance away. No reaction
See, nothing to it. Must be an alpha
She steps away from Garboyle and assesses the carnage done
to the inside of the house. As she talks, Garboyle begins
to come back to life as mecha-type spider.
Hmm. Let’s see. The roof will need to be
fixed, and of course the new support
beams will have to be built.
Guy sees the transformation going on behind her as she
Not now, Guy. And, of course we’ll
need a new foyer, hmm, have think
about that one.
Uh, Kasumi. I really think you need to
In a moment, now let me think.
A robot arm politely taps on Kasumi’s shoulder with a
single digit. She sees the digit on her shoulder, and
suddenly fears turning around. Kasumi looks at Guy just in
time to see him faint.
Kasumi turns, smiling, trying not to panic, and comes face
to face with
Garboyle version 2.0!!
He advances, about to crush her like a bug when we hear a
distinct SOUND OF WEAPONS BEING POWERED UP.
Garboyle turns at this new distraction outside the house
SABRE AND SAGE IN FULL COMBAT MODE
Sabre is in full armor mode with her sword at the ready.
Sage is in a martial arts fighting first position. Both
look ready to kick ass.
Consider yourself deleted.
Garboyle v2.0 advances on them instead, but Sabre and Sage
work together like a well oiled machine. Sabre uses her
sword to attack Garboyle and Sage uses her shielding to
protect them against attack.
A short time later, Garboyle is a giant trash heap of spare
parts surrounded by a trashed front yard. Broken windows
decorate the house. There’s a hole in the roof.
Sabre, Sage, Kasumi, and Guy assess the damage.
Well, thank you for destroying the spider.
Yeah, great. But did you have to
destroy the house in the process?
turns to leave with Sage.
Wait a minute. What about the giant
rotting spider corpse in my front yard?
Leave it for Earl. We have a whole house
to fix up.
She heads towards the house where the front used to be.
He follows behind. We stay on the pile of Garboyle parts
and the wrecked house in the background.
Is this going to happen a lot?
Only when someone attacks the site.
Garboyle sits, abandoned for a moment, and then we see
a large (for a rodent) alien-looking mouse scurry towards
the wreckage, sniffing it out. Finally, it stops in front
of Garboyle and opens it’s mouth, but the mouth BECOMES AN
EXAGGERATED SIZE BIG ENOUGH TO SWALLOW GARBOYLE WHOLE. Then
reverts back to normal size and chews, for a moment,
burping, and then spitting a out a small piece of Garboyle
before scurrying back to the house.
EXT HOUSE - RESUME
Wide shot of the house. We hear Kasumi ordering Guy around.
I need to ask for a raise...