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					                        WEBMASTER GUY
                           (PILOT)
                         EPISODE ONE


EXT DAY - ESTABLISH WIDE SHOT OF

The CITY. Cars zooming by on highways, people roaming the
streets. A vibrant place.


PLAYGROUND SANDBOX - DAY

A LITTLE BOY is putting the finishing touches on a simple
sand castle. Looking down at his masterpiece, a dark shadow
rises up behind him in the form of a LARGER BOY who grins
evilly. The LITTLE BOY screams as the Large Boy looms over
him and stomps down with his foot, crushing the castle. The
Little Boy cries for his mommy and runs away as the Larger
Boy looks on.

                          LARGER BOY
               Ha ha!   Cry baby!

A moment later there is a large THUD. The ground trembles.
THUD. Car alarms start going off and people start to run
in panic. The Larger Boy looks around in surprise as a
HUGE SHADOW towers over him.

                           LARGER BOY
               Uh oh.

He turns around, looks up, and comes face to face with a
Godzilla type creature which lets out a hideous roar as the
boy screams in terror, rooted to the spot as the MONSTER’S
FOOT COMES DOWN and crushes the boy to a little red stain
in the sand.

Suddenly, the action stops and the words GAME OVER blinks
on the screen. Reveal we are actually in


INT. OFFICE CUBICLE - DAY

MITCHELL, a dark haired, overweight bespectacled classic
avoidance type personality web programmer in his mid
thirties looks at the monitor in panic. Behind him is a
                                                              2

plaque of him with the exact same look and the words, “The
Dot Com Company Employee of the Month.”

                         MITCHELL
                    (to no in particular)
               Hey! Who put Godzilla in my Sim City
               10,000?
Mitchel looks around then stands up and walks to the next
office cube.


INT GUY’S CUBICLE

where GUY, a twenty something webmaster with blond hair and
a distinctly laid back attitude slouches in his chair
typing away, trying to ignore Mitchell standing behind him.

                         MITCHELL
               Uh, Guy? Did, did you put Godzilla
               in my Sim City 10,000? Cause, um, if
               you did I think that’s really rude and
               you should, um, apologize.

Long awkward silence.

                          MITCHELL
               Um, Guy?

                         GUY
                    (trying to ignore him)
               Yes, Mitchell...

                         MITCHELL
               Did, did you put -

                          GUY
               No.

                         MITCHELL
               Well, did you see who might have put -

                          GUY
               No.

                         MITCHELL
               Oh, well, um, sorry I bothered you
               then. I’ll go now.
                                                              3



He retreats from the cubicle. Moments later we hear a
Mitchell start to bawl like a baby. Guy steadies his
resolve and stares straight ahead at his screen, determined
not to get involved but his eyes keep darting in MITCHELL’s
direction.

He reaches for a small radio on his desk and turns it on,
all the while in the background we hear Mitchell bawling...




                         RADIO NEWS GUY (VO)
               And in other news today, stock prices
               again took another plunge on the Nasdaq,
               this time led by The Dot Com Company,
               which posted double digit losses for
               the third straight quarter, leading
               many analysts to predict that layoffs
               will be in short coming.

                         GUY
               Ah, they said that last year. You guys
               don’t know what you’re talking about.

                         RADIO NEWS GUY (VO)
               Correction. Layoffs are not being
               projected for the Dot Com Company.

                          GUY
               Told ya.

                         RADIO NEWS GUY (VO)
               The Dot Com Company has instead gone
               bankrupt and laid off all it’s workers
               as of...well, just now.

                          GUY
               WHAT???

                         RADIO NEWS GUY (VO)
               Well blond boy, mister I’m too cool to
               tell Mitchell who screwed with his
               Sim City 10,000, looks like you’re up
               shit’s creek without a paddle.
               Have a nice day.
                                                              4



Guy turns off the radio and stands up to the sound of
silence (cue sound of barren winds and tumbleweed down the
aisle)


Over the following montage of scenes we hear “The End” by
The Doors:

GUY WALKING THROUGH CORRIDORS

as construction people take down signs and ex-workers make
off with whole armfuls of office supplies. One person has a
forklift filled with computers as he drives off with them.
Another group is using a Xerox to make copies of their
bodies, tape the copies on a wall, put copies of smiling
CEOS on them holding bags of money, and start throwing
darts at them. Finally, Guy passes the


HUMAN RESOURCES OFFICE

which has a scrawled sign reading “no clubbing the
employees” while the rest of the office looks fresh out of
a war zone. There is a ticket dispenser attached to the
wall which reads “Pink Slips. Please take one only.” All
the tickets are shredded and litter the room like confetti.
As he looks round several heads pop up from behind desks,
but then retreat when he glances their way. Finally he
leaves. Reveal BEHIND A DESK three wide eyed, shaking
employees with baseball bats clutched to their chest
crouched behind their desks.


EXT CITY - SIDE WALK DAY

Guy mopes down the main street, oblivious to the craziness
around him and passes the


EXT UNEMPLOYMENT OFFICE - DAY

A line wraps around the block filled with unemployed people
and cartoon characters waiting to get in. Finally, he
passes a large corporate building labeled
                                                              5

EXT MYSTERIOUS COMPANY X - DAY

unaware of a small “webmaster wanted” sign in the window
and travels out of frame. A long beat later, Guy zips back
into frame, gets another look at the sign and glances
around quickly, making sure he’s the only one who sees it.
Next he breaks into a little dance (with party music), runs
in and grabs the sign from the window.

CU OF NAMEPLATE READS “HAZEMAN - CEO’ sitting on the desk
inside


INT HAZEMAN’S OFFICE DAY

HAZEMAN, a large broad man with penetrating eyes sits
behind a desk that would make most people look small
looking at Guy’s resume, his face hidden from view as Guy
sits across from him, trying to look hopeful (and catch a
glimpse of his future boss)

                         HAZEMAN
               Yes. Uh-huh. ooh, I like what you did
               here. Very good.

Reveal unknown from Guy’s POV an open box of Krispy Kreme
donuts stuffed in a drawer as Hazeman dunks one in a glass
of milk.

                         GUY
                (still trying to see around the paper)
               Thank you, Mr. uh, Hazeman, sir. I’m
               also fluent in all operating systems, and
               can Network Manage if you need one as well.
               Of course, I haven’t used those skills in
               while, but I can assure you that I would
               do my best to run your web site.

Hazeman grabs another donut. More dunking involved.

                         HAZEMAN
               Well, that’s all very nice Guy, but what
               I’m really looking for is someone willing
               to go the extra mile,as it were. We have
               an opening in one of our satellite offices,
               and quite frankly its a position I don’t
               want to fill with just any one, you see.
                                                             6

                Certain, uh, sacrifices will have to be
made.

                          GUY
                Oh, I can do overtime Mr. Hazeman, no
                problem. I once worked 24 hours straight.

                          HAZEMAN
                Very Impressive. Single are we?

                            GUY
                       (don’t remind me)
                Yes.

The paper comes down, revealing Hazeman’s entire face.
Little bit scary as he smiles a very insincere smile.

                          HAZEMAN
                Perfect. You’re hired.


EXT MYSTERIOUS COMPANY X - DAY


INT. CORRIDOR

Hazeman and Guy walking as they continue their
conversation.

                          GUY
                Let me see if I’ve got this right. You
                need someone to maintain a web site, but
                you won’t tell me the office I’m going
                to or the type of software I’m using?


                          HAZEMAN
                Did I mention I’m paying you six times
                what your old company did with full
                benefits and stock options?

                          GUY
                Actually, no you didn’t.

                          HAZEMAN
                Good, just making sure. Don’t worry,
                Guy, once we take care of this last detail
                                                              7

               everything will be come clear. I promise.

They stop at an unmarked door, which Hazeman opens, but
doesn’t move.

                               HAZEMAN
               After you.


INT GIANT LASER ROOM

It is a dark, windowless room dominated by a single piece
of equipment, a rather large machine with a long turret
pointing towards a large “X” on the ground illuminated by a
spotlight.

Hazeman ignores him and approaches the controls, which are
behind a standing up lead screen with a skull and
crossbones on it that reads “Danger- high voltage”

                              GUY
                    (approaching gun,curious)
               So, I’m guessing this is part of
               your company’s top secret
               technology, huh? Pretty impressive.
               What kind of software you got in here?

Hazeman looks through a persicope-type device, trying to
put Guy in he cross hairs.

                               HAZEMAN
               Come to papa.

Guy is in the cross hairs and turns, seeing the powered up
turret.

                              GUY
                     (realizing something is
                    terribly wrong)
               Oh shit.

A red beam shoots out of the laser. For a brief moment, we
can see Guy’s skeleton as he screams like a girl and then
vanishes.
INSIDE THE WEB: AN ISLAND IN A SEA OF INFORMATION - DAY
                                                              8

A rather large, circular island surrounded by blue sea. In
the middle sits an impressive art-deco type house with
more than a touch of Frank Lloyd Wright influence. Behind
the house, a cascading waterfall in action from a towering
rocky cliff above.
In front of the house stands a single Oak Tree. Most
curious, however, are the two stone half bridges on either
side of the island that abruptly stop over the water.

A sharp, whistling sound not unlike an incoming missile
pierces the air as Guy literally drops from the sky
(AAAGGGHHH) and crashes to the ground in a cloud of dirt.

LOOKING DOWN at the ROAD

There is a large “X” painted on the dirt road that runs in
front of the house. Guy is lying face up, stunned and
spread eagled on the ground in a perfect match with the “X”

Guy sits up with a groan, trying to keep the world’s
largest headache at bay by holding his head in his hands.

                         GUY
               Oh man. Where am I?

He looks up, and his vision clears just enough to read an
old fashioned wood road sign that reads INFORMATION
SUPERHIGHWAY with arrows going in four different directions
(north, south, ect)

                         GUY
                    (beginning to stand)
               Huh? Information superhighway? This
               has to be joke.

Behind him and unseen by Guy, a blue convertible with the
top down comes gunning over the bridge behind him and gets
closer at an alarming speed.

ON GUY as he thinks through the logic of all this.

                         GUY
               Ok, think G-man. Last thing I
               remember is being zapped with a
               laser.
                         (pause)
               No that can’t be right, cause if I
                                                              9

               was zapped by a laser I’d be dead,
               and I’m not dead. Or maybe I am
               dead, but if that’s the case, where
               the hell is everybody?

THE CAR heads straight for Guy from behind, and we HEAR “La
Cucaracha” on the horn.

Guy turns just in time to bodily brace for impact, but it
never comes. Opening his eyes reveals the car mere inches
away and
Hazeman standing outside the car and leaning on it, tanned
and dressed in a tropical button down shirt, khaki shorts
and sandals.

                         GUY
               Are you nuts? You almost killed me.

                         HAZEMAN
               Oh, stop complaining. I couldn’t possibly
               have killed you. You’d have to be in the
               real world for that.

                         GUY
               What?

                         HAZEMAN
                    (admiring the view)
               Beautiful day, isn’t it? Programmed
               it myself. Little humid though.

He looks beyond the stunned Guy at the house beyond him,
something catching his eye

                         HAZEMAN
               I say, when did that happen?

He walks away from Guy, who’s babbling to himself.

                         GUY
               It’s a dream. That’s it. I’m home
               right now passed out on the couch.
               Any moment I’m going to wake up and -

Hazeman continues towards the house, then stops and looks
at Guy with barely disguised impatience.
                                                          10

                         HAZEMAN
               Well? You coming, or do you plan on
               babbling to yourself for the rest of
               eternity? I’m a busy man.

                          GUY
               Coming.

HAZEMAN AND GUY walk towards the house.



                         GUY
               So let me see if I’ve got this straight.
               you’re telling me I’m alive, but not
               in the real world.

                          HAZEMAN
               Correct.

                         GUY
               Ok, but then what world am I in?

                         HAZEMAN
               The internet. You’re inside the
               internet, specifically, my company
               web site. I simply digitized your body
               into tiny sub atomic particles and
               uploaded you. Rather ingenuous really,
               saw it in a movie once.

                         GUY
               I’m inside a computer?

                         HAZEMAN
               Better. You’re inside the corporate
               web site of Mysterious Company “X”. All
               I ask is that you maintain the house
               and the surrounding island using your
               vastly over valued skills. In return,
               I’ve set up a rather large account in
               your name, payable in full upon the
               completion of your service contract.


EXT. HOUSE - DAY
                                                            11

                         GUY
               Now wait a minute, Mr. Hazeman. I
               never signed any contract.

Hazeman holds up an official looking paper in Guy’s face.
The signature line is empty.

                         GUY
               What if I refuse?

                         HAZEMAN
               Does the phrase “in perpetuity”
               mean anything?


Beat. Hazeman hold out a pen. Guy grabs it and signs.
Hazeman rolls up the contract and puts it in his pocket,
smiling.
                         HAZEMAN
               Excellent. Now let me show you around.

He opens the door.

                            HAZEMAN
               After you.

                         GUY
               No, no, after you.

                         HAZEMAN
               Oh,for Pete’s sake!

Hazeman and Guy enter


INT. HOUSE - FOYER - DAY

Guy stops in the entrance and looks around.

FROM HIS POV LEFT TO RIGHT

A hallway, the living room directly in front, and behind
the living room the kitchen, and another hallway to the
right. Again the look is modern without being obnoxious.

Guy looks around, but Hazeman has vanished.
                                                            12

                         GUY
               Uh, Mr. Hazeman? Hello?

Hazeman is suddenly directly behind him. As soon as he
opens his mouth, Guy jumps.

                         HAZEMAN
               Feel free to upload new furniture.
               I had an IKEA catalog at the time.

                          GUY
                     (turning)
               Mr. Hazeman, could you please stop
               doing       -

Hazeman has vanished.

                            GUY
               - that?

Then appears in front of Guy.


                         HAZEMAN
               Doing what?

Guy tries to keep track of him.

                         GUY
               Uh, that. It’s kind of, well

HAZEMAN reappears again, this time lounging on the living
room couch sipping a tropical drink.

                            HAZEMAN
               Unnerving?

                         GUY
               Uh, slightly.

                         HAZEMAN
               Well, get used to it. This is the internet
               after all. Weird things happen.


INT KITCHEN
                                                             13

Hazeman is leaning against the refrigerator. Guy is
standing a safe distance away.

                         HAZEMAN
               Take your refrigerator for example.

Hazeman opens it up, revealing a fully stocked fridge with
generic labeled food. He leans into the refrigerator, the
door now blocking him from our view as Guy stands behind
him, wary.

                         HAZEMAN
               You like orange juice, Guy?

                         GUY
               Well, sometimes, I guess.

One of Hazeman’s hands reappears holding a glass container
and shoves it at Guy.

                         HAZEMAN
               Here, hold this. And don’t drop it.

                         GUY
                    (holding it)
               Right.

Hazeman hands him another one.

                         HAZEMAN
               And this one..and this one..
               and this one too.

Hazeman starts to talk as he continues to pull OJ out of
the fridge until Guy’s arms are bulging with the stuff.

                         HAZEMAN
               As you can see, every time I take
               something out, it’s automatically
               replaced. Works with just about
               everything in the place really.

ON GUY as he continues his balancing act.

                         GUY
               Uh, right. Got it.
                                                             14

Hazeman now appears behind Guy, who’s trying to keep the
bottles from breaking. He holds a clipboard in one hand.

                         HAZEMAN
               Good we’ve covered the first few pages
               of the manual. (scanning through it)
               Now let’s see if there’s anything else
               we need to go over...Hmm. Basic maintenance,
               food and shelter, virus attacks..nope
               nothing important. Well, it seems I’ll
               be going then.


EXT. HOUSE - DAY

Hazeman approaches his car and gets in with Guy trailing
him, still holding the OJ.

                         GUY
               Wait a minute. You’re leaving me here
               all alone? you can’t do that.

                         HAZEMAN
               Nonsense. Of course I can. I’m your
               boss. I have to get back to work. I’m
               not really here, you see. Unlike you.

He turns the ignition and guns the car.

                         HAZEMAN
               Besides, you don’t really think I’d
               leave you here all alone do you? I’ll
               be sending the girls along shortly.

                         GUY
                    (pleasant surprise)
               Girls?

                         HAZEMAN
               Virus protection. Lovely personalities.
               programmed them myself. Well, bye!

From Guy’s POV we see Hazeman gun the convertible, heading
down the dirt road and onto the bridge, where he
disappears. Guy looks on, stunned, still holding the OJ.
                                                             15

EXT A SHOALIN TEMPLE -DAY

which sits atop a butte amid lush, mountainous Chinese
landscape.
Hazeman’s blue convertible pulls up at the foot of the
butte.


INT. MODERN KITCHEN

Various closeups of a sink filled with dirty dishes and
used cookie sheets, stuff used for baking sitting on the
counters and several more cookie sheets covered with
uncooked donuts with various topping on them. Finally, we
see SABRE, a pretty teenager (16)dressed in a martial arts
training GI in the midst of placing even more donuts on
another sheet, a spatula placed nearby. She is humming an
unknown tune,clearly caught up in her work.

From behind, someone else approaches unseen by Sabre and
grabs the spatula from the counter. Sabre reaches for it,
realizes it’s gone and turns to see

another girl SAGE, also the same age and dressed similarly
(see character production pix) holding the spatula across
her arms, a teasing look in her eye. Sabre is not amused.

Note: during the following conversation, Sage will playing
“keep away” with the spatula in the kitchen while Sabre
tries to get it back.

                         SABRE
               Sage, I need that back.

                         SAGE
               Why?

                         SABRE
               You know why. now give..it...back...



                         SAGE
                    (smiling, holding it away)
               Hmm, now lets’s see. Could it be because
               you have a crush on Hazeman? No that
               couldn’t be it.
                                                             16



                         SABRE
               Ok, that does it...

She goes into her fighting stance. Exaggerated fight scene
between Sabre and Sage ensues a la “Crouching Tiger”, all
the while Sage keeps the spatula and the kitchen turns into
a disaster area. Finally, Sabre makes one trick move and
grabs the spatula back triumphant. And then for good
measure, sticks her tongue out a Sage, who is not
impressed.

Sage looks behind Sabre and sees black smoke coming out of
the oven. Sabre sniffs the air. Uh-oh.

                         SAGE
               Forgetting something?

                         SABRE
               Donuts!

Sabre swings open the oven door and is briefly engulfed in
fire and black smoke, the spatula in her hands turns to
ashes and crumbled like dust. Pulling out the cookies
sheet, her donuts look like small black pieces of coal.
                         HAZEMAN (OS)
                    (barely contained fury)
               Oh...my...God.

Both turn around to see Hazeman standing in the doorway
amidst the ruined kitchen. Not happy.

                         SAGE
                    (pointing to Sabre)
               It was her.

                         SABRE
               No it wasn’t! I mean, it was, sort
               of but Sage, she took my spatula
               and -

                         HAZEMAN
               OUT!
                                                            17

Sabre sighs, hangs her head in shame and proceeds out of
the kitchen followed by Sage, each calling each other names
under their breath.
EXT. DIRT ROAD - DAY

Hazeman is at the wheel of the convertible with Sabre and
Sage in the back seats.

                         HAZEMAN
               Now, one last thing before I send you
               away on your mission.

                         SAGE
               Mission? What mission?

                         SABRE
               I though we get to stay here with
               you.

                         HAZEMAN
               Don’t be silly. I can use any off
               the shelf virus protection for my PC.
               I need you two on the server. Ah, we’re
               here.


EXT. MASSIVE WALKWAY DAY

The car pulls up to a sandy pathway as wide as a football
field with Stone Henge like slabs on either side. They exit
the car.

                         HAZEMAN
               Now listen carefully, girls. Your primary
               mission is to defend the site and the
               webmaster at all costs, including your
               lives.

                         SAGE
               Wow. He sounds important.

                         HAZEMAN
               Hardly, but it would create far too
               much paperwork in the event of his death.
               Now just enter the path of my File
               Transfer Protocol and you’ll be on your
                                                             18

               way. Any questions? No? Well, then good
luck.

Hazeman gets back in the car. Sage looks at the path in
interest, but Sabre turns to look at Hazeman about to cry.

                         HAZEMAN
               Oh, good god. Now what?

                         SABRE
               You don’t care about us anymore.

                         HAZEMAN
               Nonsense. My feelings for the two of you
               will never change.

                         SABRE
                    (hopeful)
               Really?

                         HAZEMAN
               Absolutely.

he guns the motor and is about to pull away.

                         HAZEMAN
               I’ve never cared about you.

As the car pulls way, Sabre’s face transforms from sadness
into anger into quiet fuming, ready to explode.

Sage looks back at Sabre, waiting.

                         SAGE
               Sometime today?

Sabre whirls around and stalks up to Sage. Without saying a
word, takes out her sword and in the blink of an eye has
the blade eyepoint with Sage. A dangerous look in her eye.

                         SABRE
               Shut...up...


EXT. THE MAIN HOUSE - DAY - ESTABLISH
                                                          19

EXT. HOT SPRING - DAY

Guy eyes the hot spring eagerly. Insert image of Guy
picturing himself in the spring relaxing. He begins to
strip with his back to the spring. As he turns back around
KASUMI, young woman (19-23) is already relaxing (naked) in
the hot tub, eyes closed. Both see each other for the first
time.


CUT TO BLACK SCREEN THAT READS

“10 minutes of anime hijinks later” with sounds of things
crashing, people stumbling around “ooh..ow..look out.. eek”
ect.
RESUME HOT SPRING TWO SHOT OF GUY AND KASUMI


Sitting on opposite sides of the spring with only their
heads and necks visible.

                         KASUMI
                    (slightly insulted)
               I can’t believe he didn’t tell
               you about me. Hmmff.

                         GUY
               Well, he did seem pressed for time.
               I wouldn’t take it personally.

                         KASUMI
               Ok (pause)So, if you’re the new
               webmaster you must be really smart.

                         GUY
                    (laying it on here)
               Yes,I am. I went through a very
               rigorous interview process. I
               was chosen above millions of others,
               and (pause) By the way, who are you?

                         KASUMI
               I’m Kasumi, the web site mascot. I’m
               I guess what you would call the house
               keeper.

                         GUY
                                                        20

               Cool, so I have my own personal maid.
               Maybe this place won’t be so bad after
               all.

SFX DOORBELL RINGS

                            KASUMI
               Excuse me?

                         GUY
               A maid. You know. Someone who cleans
               up after people. After all, I’m going
               to be very busy doing webmaster, um,
               stuff.

Doorbell ring #2

                         KASUMI
               Really, what does a webmaster do?




                         GUY
               You don’t know? (she shake her head)
               Well, we sit around a lot in, um
               hot springs, and and do lots of
               um, mastering stuff. It’s all
               very technical.

                         KASUMI
               Really? I thought you were here to
               take care of the house, like wash the
               windows -

                         GUY
               I don’t wash windows.

Doorbell ring # 3 - really persistent this time.

                         KASUMI
               Mop the floors...

                            GUY
               Sorry.

                            KASUMI
                                                             21

               Do the dishes.

                         GUY
               Uh. no way.

                          KASUMI
               Hmm. Ok. Well, you can go answer the
               door then.

                         GUY
               Isn’t that your job?

                            KASUMI
               I’m naked.

                          GUY
               And here I thought we had really
               connected.

                         KASUMI
               We did. Now you’re going to answer the
               door.

EXT HOUSE - MAIN DOOR - DAY

There is a rather large shadow on the door as it opens from
the inside revealing Guy standing in the entrance with a
towel wrapped around his waist. He comes face to face with
SPIDER VIRUS GARBOYLE - BIG, MEAN, AND NASTY!

                            GARBOYLE
               GARBOYLE!


INT. HOUSE DOORWAY / LIVING ROOM

Guy freezes just long enough for eyes to pop before he
slams the door shut, bracing it with his body, back to the
door.

                         GUY
               Kasumi! It’s for you!!!!

                            KASUMI (OS)
               Who is it?

                            GUY
                                                             22

               Jehovah’s witness!!!

SFX large pounding on the door. It’s threatening to shake
Guy’s towel off as well as him off the door.

                         GUY
               Kaaasssuuuummmiii!!! Little helllp!!!!

                         KASUMI (OS)
               Just don’t answer the door!

A large spider limb comes crashing through the door,
narrowly missing Guy’s head.

                         GUY
               Tried that!!!

Finally, the door gives way and sends Guy across the room
and he lands face first on the floor. His direct field of
view is filled with a pair of high heel shoes. He looks up,
from this angle practically (inadvertently of course)
looking up Kasumi’s dress as she evaluates the situation.
She’s even had time to do her hair and makeup. Impressive.

                         KASUMI
                    (calm)
               That’s not a Jehovah’s Witness. That’s
               an evil virus, the cause of all evil
               mayhem and destruction to the house.

                    (Looks down at Guy)
               By the way, where’s your towel?



Guy scrambles for it, then stands up and darts behind
Kasumi as Garboyle continues to throw a tantrum in what is
left of the doorway, and soon becoming the front of the
house for that matter.

                         GUY
               Well let’s get out of here, then!

                         KASUMI
               We can’t. Then the house will be
               evilly destroyed and that would be just
               plain wrong.
                                                             23



Garboyle takes another swing and accidentally hits a
support pillar in the front of the house, which causes a
cave in on top of him, along with part of the house. Dead
spider.

Kasumi walks over and hits it over the head with piece of
the wreckage as Guy stays a safe distance away. No reaction
from spider.

                         KASUMI
               See, nothing to it. Must be an alpha
               version.

She steps away from Garboyle and assesses the carnage done
to the inside of the house. As she talks, Garboyle begins
to come back to life as mecha-type spider.

                          KASUMI
               Hmm. Let’s see. The roof will need to be
               fixed, and of course the new support
               beams will        have to be built.

Guy sees the transformation going on behind her as she
talks, unaware.

                         GUY
               Uh, Kasumi?

                         KASUMI
               Not now, Guy. And, of course we’ll
               need a new foyer, hmm, have think
               about that one.

                         GUY
               Uh, Kasumi. I really think you need to
               turn around.

                         KASUMI
               In a moment, now let me think.


A robot arm politely taps on Kasumi’s shoulder with a
single digit. She sees the digit on her shoulder, and
suddenly fears turning around. Kasumi looks at Guy just in
time to see him faint.
                                                             24

Kasumi turns, smiling, trying not to panic, and comes face
to face with

                         GARBOYLE
               Garboyle version 2.0!!

He advances, about to crush her like a bug when we hear a
distinct SOUND OF WEAPONS BEING POWERED UP.

Garboyle turns at this new distraction outside the house
and sees

SABRE AND SAGE IN FULL COMBAT MODE

Sabre is in full armor mode with her sword at the ready.
Sage is in a martial arts fighting first position. Both
look ready to kick ass.

                         SAGE
               Consider yourself deleted.

Garboyle v2.0 advances on them instead, but Sabre and Sage
work together like a well oiled machine. Sabre uses her
sword to attack Garboyle and Sage uses her shielding to
protect them against attack.

A short time later, Garboyle is a giant trash heap of spare
parts surrounded by a trashed front yard. Broken windows
decorate the house. There’s a hole in the roof.

Sabre, Sage, Kasumi, and Guy assess the damage.

                         KASUMI
               Well, thank you for destroying the spider.

                         GUY
               Yeah, great. But did you have to
               destroy the house in the process?

                         SABRE
                    (ignoring Guy)
               You’re welcome.

turns to leave with Sage.

                         GUY
               Wait a minute. What about the giant
                                                           25

               rotting spider corpse in my front yard?

                          KASUMI
               Leave it for Earl. We have a whole house
               to fix up.

She heads towards the house where the front used to be.

                          GUY
                     (to himself)
               We?

He follows behind. We stay on the pile of Garboyle parts
and the wrecked house in the background.

                         GUY (OS)
               Is this going to happen a lot?

                         KASUMI (OS)
               Only when someone attacks the site.

Garboyle sits, abandoned for a moment, and then we see

EARL

a large (for a rodent) alien-looking mouse scurry towards
the wreckage, sniffing it out. Finally, it stops in front
of Garboyle and opens it’s mouth, but the mouth BECOMES AN
EXAGGERATED SIZE BIG ENOUGH TO SWALLOW GARBOYLE WHOLE. Then
reverts back to normal size and chews, for a moment,
burping, and then spitting a out a small piece of Garboyle
before scurrying back to the house.


EXT HOUSE - RESUME

Wide shot of the house. We hear Kasumi ordering Guy around.

                         GUY (VO)
               I need to ask for a raise...



THE END
26

				
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