A Small Cashflow Problem By Magz Wiseman
Magz Wiseman 13 Danestone Terrace, Bridge of Don, Aberdeen AB23 8HQ Scotland Phone: +44(0)1224-707240 Mobile: +44(0)7549145965
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EXT. CITYSCAPE - ABERDEEN, SCOTLAND - AFTERNOON
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Granite buildings and spires glisten silver against a clear summer sky. The deceptively cold waters of the North Sea reflect golden sunshine as it grudgingly gives up it’s black gold treasure to the soulless metal platforms which draw prosperity to this ancient fishing port. Massive tankers sail into harbour, swamping even the larger fishing trawlers. CUT TO: 2 EXT. UPPER CLASS SUBRURBAN STREET - AFTERNOON A black Range Rover Sport crunches into the gravel driveway of a large three storey, early Victorian granite house. CUT TO: 3 EXT. DRIVEWAY MACPHERSON HOUSEHOLD - AFTERNOON 3 2
DOUGLAS, a gangly 14 year old not quite at ease with his rapid height gain, launches himself out. ROSS,(9)trips out onto the gravel as he follows, inducing waves of cruel laughter from his siblings. DOUGLAS Ross - you moron! Retard! A woman’s voice shouts as she gets out of the SUV, continuing to talk on her mobile phone. FIONA Douglas! Your brother little slow but he is retard. (to phone) No no no. I said that was priority! Now get may be a not a shipment it seen to.
ISLA,(15) calmly climbs out, sneers at her brothers and walks over to the solid black wooden door of the house. ISLA Hurry up mum. I need the loo. FIONA Where’s your key? DOUGLAS She lost it.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
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ISLA You little shit! FIONA OK. I’ll get Cathy to get a new one cut for you tomorrow. For goodness sake - why didn’t you tell me? FIONA’S mobile rings. FIONA (CONT’D) (To phone) Fiona Macpherson speaking. Oh good afternoon Mr Forbes... FIONA freezes, stunned. FIONA (CONT’D) Yes sir. Of course. I understand. Goodbye. CUT TO: 4 INT. SITTING ROOM - AFTERNOON A spacious, tastefully decorated room. FIONA sits alone staring, eyes unfocused. CUT TO: 5 INT. KITCHEN - EVENING 5 4
Large kitchen/family area. ROSS slumps on a sofa watching cartoons on a 42" wall mounted plasma. DOUGLAS and ISLA sit at a huge wooden table doing homework. FIONA is on the phone. FIONA I know he’s in a meeting... ROSS Can I phone for pizza? FIONA But I need to talk to him... ISLA leans across the table, snatches an eraser from DOUGLAS who immediately grabs it back. DOUGLAS Use your own bloody stuff.
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
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ROSS Mum can we get pizza? FIONA (to Ross) No. Just get something from the fridge. ROSS I want pizza! FIONA (to phone) Tell him to call me OK? FIONA bangs down phone. ISLA and DOUGLAS all but come to blows over possession of various items of stationary. ROSS jumps off sofa, runs over to phone, hits a speed dial. ROSS (to phone) Two big pizzas - biggest you’ve got with tons of cheese and... FIONA grabs the phone from him. FIONA (to phone) Cancel that order. Slams the phone down. ROSS I’m starving! FIONA I told you, just get something from the fridge! (to DOUGLAS and ISLA) STOP IT YOU TWO! ROSS grumps Vast amount fridge door door, walks over to an oversized fridge, opens it wide. of ready meals, junk food. Chooses one, leaves open, goes to microwave. FIONA closes fridge out of room leaving the kids to it. CUT TO: 6 INT. HALLWAY - LATE NIGHT GORDON MACPHERSON(49), tall, well built, greying hair, expensive suit, closes front door behind him. Looks worried. Draws in a deep breath. CUT TO: 6
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INT. SITTING ROOM - LATE NIGHT
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FIONA sits on a large leather armchair. Looks up as GORDON enters the room. FIONA I tried to call you. GORDON makes his way over to an antique drinks cabinet. Selects a crystal decanter, pours himself a large drink. FIONA (cont’d) I’ve been made redundant. GORDON So have I. FIONA I’ve got until the end of the month... what? What did you say? GORDON ’My position with the company is no longer required’ I believe was Donald’s exact words. Economic crisis apparently. FIONA What are we going to do? GORDON Well I don’t know about you but I intend to get thoroughly rat-arsed. GORDON drains his glass and pours another. CUT TO: 8 INT. KITCHEN - FOUR WEEKS LATER FIONA and GORDON are in the kitchen. ROSS and ISLA wander in, bleary eyed, half asleep, still in pyjamas. They exchange a puzzled glance. ISLA What’s going on? Why are you both still here? At home? You’re getting divorced aren’t you? Brilliant! Finally I’ll be socially acceptable at school. ROSS Where’s Cathy? 8
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
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FIONA We’ve had to let her go I’m afraid. ROSS Go where? Are there any cornflakes? FIONA We’ll get some more later. ROSS Cathy always makes sure we’ve got cornflakes. FIONA There’s going to be a few changes around here... for a while anyway. ISLA Bet you make sure you don’t run out of wine. DOUGLAS enters the kitchen, shuffles to the table and frowns. DOUGLAS Hang on - are you two on holiday? Where are we going? Do we get to stay off school? GORDON Recent restructuring at both our respective places of employment has resulted in the unfortunate outsourcing of various obsolete resources. I assure you this is merely a temporary situation however. Kids look blankly. ROSS Yay! Disney land! FIONA What your father is trying to say is that we are currently... ISLA (with supreme disgust) Tell me you are NOT pregnant! GROSS! I’ll never live it down! I’ll be ostrichised. How could you?!
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (3) FIONA The word is ’ostracized’ and I am most definitely not in that... condition. ROSS Are there any Sugar Puffs then? FIONA Your father and I have both been made redundant, so until we find alternative employment we are going to have to make several cut backs. ROSS When’s Cathy coming back? FIONA She’s not. ISLA So who’s going to cook and clean and look after us then? FIONA Well... we’re all going to have to do that I suppose. ISLA Oh. My. God. I can never show my face in school again. FIONA Don’t worry - you won’t be. You’re moving to the local public school as of Monday.
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ISLA is stricken. DOUGLAS bursts out laughing. Points to her. DOUGLAS Pleb! Reject! GORDON So are you Douglas. DOUGLAS’ face falls. ISLA stands dramatically up and storms out of the kitchen. ISLA I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU ALL! ROSS Can I have some bloody toast then?! CUT TO:
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INT. SITTING ROOM - NIGHT - THREE WEEKS LATER FIONA and GORDON sit with half empty glasses of wine. Paperwork and account books lie open on an elegant coffee table. FIONA I’ve pulled Isla out of her riding class. We’ll need to just make do without the gardener and there’s no real point in keeping the child minder - not when we’re both here all day. We’ll have to sell one of the cars. A Ferrari isn’t really much use as a family car after all and... (beat) I’ve cancelled the monthly wine delivery. GORDON Dear God NO! Not the wine! FIONA I’ve had a bit of an idea though. Why don’t we make our own? It all looks very simple really. GORDON slumps back in his chair, takes a long desperate drink of his wine.
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CUT TO: 10 INT. KITCHEN - LUNCHTIME - SEVERAL DAYS LATER 10
The family is gathered in the kitchen. ROSS flicks through the TV channels. ROSS Where’s the cartoon channel gone? Why do we only have a few crappy ones now? GORDON We had to downsize our entertainment subscription. ROSS throws aside the remote, annoyed, wanders over to the table where ISLA works on a large jigsaw puzzle. He rummages through scattered pieces, picks one up and places it into the picture. She looks up, irritated. Her expression softens and she smiles. ISLA I was looking for that piece. Thanks. (CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
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ROSS sits beside her. They rummage through the pieces. A sudden loud bang is heard. FIONA and GORDON look at each other, horrified. FIONA & GORDON THE WINE! The pantry door is flung open to reveal shelves of wine jars in various states of fermentation. A good few of the jars have exploded. Wine drips off walls and puddles on the floor. GORDON Obviously an incorrect percentage of ingredients then... The children crowd round, looking into the cupboard. They begin to laugh. FIONA starts to giggle. GORDON breaks into a smile. CUT TO: 11 INT. KITCHEN - DINNER TIME DOUGLAS opens the now almost empty fridge. DOUGLAS There’s nothing to eat! FIONA places several potatoes, some eggs, a few mushrooms and a can of tomatoes on the table. DOUGLAS looks dubious. DOUGLAS (cont’d) And what exactly are we meant to do with those? FIONA (smiles) I have no idea! Let’s find out shall we? She triumphantly brandishes a large recipe book and blows the dust off of it. CUT TO: 12 EXT. BACK GARDEN - ONE WEEK LATER Part of the large, tree-lined walled garden is being dug over. GORDON and DOUGLAS, in wellies and outdoor clothes turn the soil with forks and hoes. Large bags of various vegetable plants sit nearby. ROSS and ISLA are playing a ball game. FIONA comes out through the patio door, excited. 12 11
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: (2)
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FIONA Gordon! You know we gave a couple of bottles of our first batch of wine to Isabel and Morris? GORDON straightens up. He seems less tense, at ease. GORDON Yes? Did they like it? FIONA They loved it! They want to buy a case! A whole case! CUT TO: 13 INT. KITCHEN - THREE MONTHS LATER - MORNING The kitchen is a hive of activity. The table is filled with bottles of wine. ISLA puts the finishing touches to the label she is working on. DOUGLAS carefully packs freshly corked bottles into a crate. CUT TO: 14 EXT. FRONT DRIVEWAY - MORNING 14 13
GORDON places two crates into the almost full SUV as ROSS watches on. He triumphantly closes the car door and grins down at his son. ROSS grins back, gives him the thumbs up. CUT TO: 15 INT. SMALL LOCAL SUPERMARKET 15
GORDON, in his business suit, shakes hands with store manager. Behind them is a small section of wine bottles all bearing copies of ISLA’s labels. CUT TO: 16 INT. SITTING ROOM - MORNING FIONA sits at a desk with her laptop. The phone rings. FIONA Macpherson Country Wines. CUT TO: 16
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INT. KITCHEN - 6 MONTHS LATER - MORNING The family sits eating freshly cooked bacon and eggs. Happy, excited chat fills the room. GORDON looks up from the letter he is reading. GORDON They want to re-instate me. A hush falls as they all stare at him. Smiles fade. FIONA (strained cheer) Well - that’s good news - isn’t it? ROSS Does that mean you’ll never be here again daddy? ISLA But I really like my new school. I don’t want to go back to that other stuffy one. It’s horrible. FIONA Just think - we’ll be able to have lots of take-outs again... DOUGLAS They don’t taste half as nice as what you and me cook mum. FIONA Holidays - we’ll be able to go abroad again - that’ll fun. ISLA Remember when we went camping? Dad got all tangled up? That was great. DOUGLAS Yeah - no hanging around for hours in boring airports. ROSS begins to cry. GORDON looks around the table at their expectant faces.
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He smiles as he tears up the letter. Tension breaks. They pile all onto him, hugging and laughing. GORDON and FIONA share a smile.