An Alien's Day
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8:15 A.M. Leave asteroid for work.
9:00 A.M. Hover over cornfield on outskirts of small Midwestern town.
9:30 A.M. Land in backyard where housewife is hanging laundry. Silence
barking dog with penetrating gaze.
Tips: Levitate her body just long enough to be glimpsed by a passing motorist.
Materialize the body inside spaceship. Remove internal organs; weigh, label and
categorize. Return most, if not all, to the body. Erase all traces of surgery.
Rematerialize housewife in backyard. Turn back time two hours. Bid enigmatic
good-bye. Leave.
1:00 P.M. Visit once prestigious astronomer who everyone thinks has gone mad.
Deliver pep talk. Leave him fist-sized fragments of an unidentifiable element.
2:15 P.M. Drop by Whitley Strieber's house, pick up royalty check from best
seller. Communion.
3:00 P.M. Hover over southwestern desert.
3:30 P.M. Offer psychotic drifter a lift.
4:30 P.M. Pose for cover of "Weekly World News" with President Clinton.
Discuss ozone depletion, space travel, future political endorsements.
6:30 P.M. Back at the asteroid. Introduce psychotic drifter to other aliens. Listen
to Windham Hill.
9:00 P.M. Dinner. Eat drifter.
Beam cryptic message to NASA satellite. Lights out.