Wedding Dollar Dance Money practices at wedding receptions by Janis Martinez, Ana Urzua, and Magaly Guerra
“Will you take this dance to be in your wedding?” A wedding checklist can include such things as; facility, decorations, flower arrangements, bartender, caterer, but in addition many couples have to decide if they want to include the “Dollar Dance” in their wedding reception. “Dollar Dance”, “Money Dance”, “Bridal Dance” or and “Apron Dance” are various names for this very popular custom performed in many wedding receptions all over the world. The origin of the dance is credited to Poland in the early 1900’s by most sources but there is not solid evidence that verifies the specific location where it originated. The concept of the “Dollar Dance” is that male guests asked for permission from the groom to dance with his bride by “paying” for the privilege and the female guests pay for the privilege to dance with the groom. The guest form one line for the groom and one line for the bride, usually the best man and maid of honor are at the head of each respective line to help collect the money. The father of the bride would lead the dance by pinning money on her dress, followed by the best man and groomsmen and then other male guest. On the side of the groom, his mother will reciprocate by pinning the money on his suit, followed by the maid of honor and bridesmaids and other female guests. As tradition goes, the money collected should be used by the newlyweds as extra cash for their honeymoon or to set up their household expenses. Our research explores the differences of the “Dollar Dance” in various cultures, the significance of gift money and gender in the dance, as well as the critiques and benefits that take place. We conducted interviews on
individuals from the Punjabi and Mexican culture to find out the significance of the “Money Dance” in their culture, the personalization or depersonalization of money in their customs, the
importance of gift exchange in their social life and how the dance has evolved throughout the years. Our research on these cultures will reflect the social meaning of money discussed by Viviana A. Zelizer and Mauss’ theories of gifting. “Pin Money” A popular feature of the “Dollar Dance” is pinning money bills to the newlywed’s clothing, especially to the bride’s dress. In Ukraine, Poland, Cuba, Mexico, and Puerto Rico, guest expect the dance to take place and in the Philippines, pinning and wrapping money in elaborate designs is very common as well as placing money in an envelope and setting it into the bride’s mouth (library.thinkguest.org). The “Dollar Dance” started in America at the beginning of the century by European immigrants who wanted to ensure that the young couple would have extra money to start their future. From the interview we conducted a common theme emerges and that is that a larger amount of the money is given to the bride and we believe that one of the reasons can be traced back to the concept of “pin money”. Viviana A. Zelizer explains in her book “The Social Meaning of Money” that “pin money” is a separate, independent income for a wife’s personal use in seventeenth century England. As America entered the turn-of-century this concept was adapted to include the supplementary household income earned by wives. As more married women entered the labor force, their wages were still considered pin money (62-63). Pinning money on the bride in exchange for a dance is a symbol of her contribution to the marriage with “earned” domestic money. In “Money: Ethnographic Encounter” edited by Stefan Senders and Allison Truitt refer to the meaning of money as been important in terms of the production and definition of personhood, particularly gender (114). Other examples of this concept is seen in Hungarian,
Portuguese, Canadian and Scottish weddings; Hungarian brides would place her shoes in the middle of the dance floor for guest to deposit the money before they dance with her, Portuguese weddings would pass the bride’s shoe around the reception hall for the guest to place their bills, in some Canadian weddings a bottle is passed around the room for guest to place money inside, which is later given to the bride and in Scotland, the bride-to-be would exchange kisses for money during her shower because its consider good luck. Besides pinning money or using the bride’s shoe, an old custom in most Slavic countries also utilize the domestic role of the bride is the Babushka Dance. The Babushka dance is a bridal dance that allows the guest to drop money into the bride’s veil while forming a circle around her, this circle of guest work as a shield forcing the groom to fight his way thru to rescue his bride. This tradition seems to represent the husband’s power over the marriage and the social barriers placed on the money collected, since it should only be used as a household expense, it does not have the same interpretation as a husband’s wage. A variation of the Babushka Dance is the “Apron Dance”; the bride’s male family members would “kidnap” her if not enough money was collected in the apron worn by the bride during the “Money Dance”, the groom needs to collect “ransom” money from the groom’s family and guests. The display of a monetary gift is a common theme in the “Money Dance” and in Finland this cannot be anymore evident; the bride holds a sieve covered with a silk shawl and when her guest slip money into the sieve, their names and the amount given are announced to the other guests by a groomsman. Making the names and amounts public could be guided by their social norms but it could also be guided by their ties to their community, on the other hand strong ties to one’s community can be expressed by not making their monetary gifts public.
Hiding Monetary Value In Chinese, Japanese and Italian weddings hiding the monetary value of the gift emphasizes their non-monetary investment in the couple’s future. Italian brides would travel from guest to guest carrying a satin purse, la borsa, for them to place envelopes containing money, however there those brides that will use it to deposit the bills collected from their “Money Dance”, which is a concept that we will discussed further. In Chinese weddings, guest would present money gifts in red envelopes and in Japanese weddings, their guest are expected to offer the couple celebratory money in a special envelope called Goshugi-bukuro, the general understanding is that the amount should cover the value of the guest’s meal and presents. In “The Anthropology of Money” website blog, Belinda Uy posted that Asian cultures consider the gift giving of money as the representation of their strong ties and obligation towards their community. Belinda explains that in some Asian communities, the guest decide how much to give at a wedding based on how much the bride’s or groom’s family contributed at their child’s wedding. “For Mauss, the gift was a “total social fact,” an “underlying institution” that integrated various domains of social life including religion, kinship, and politics through the entailed obligation of reciprocity. To give a gift, in other words, requires a return, and those relationships of reciprocity and asymmetry are central to human nature.” (Zelizer, 111) Interviews: Punjabi Weddings Marriages in the Punjabi culture are very elaborate affairs since the follow a number of rituals, perform music acts and dance programs on every evening until the wedding day. The norm is that they gather in the holy presence of Guru Granth Sahib to follow the usual Hindu marriage rites; like those of Phera around the havan and Kanyadan. There are other merry-
making rituals such as Ladies Sangeet and Juta Chepai. During the entire wedding process, there are several ceremonies and rituals that the families and the couple go through before the actual wedding. Throughout these ceremonies, gifts and money are being exchanged between families and the newlyweds. The entire wedding process starts off by announcing the engagement between the soon-to-be bride and groom, which is called the ring ceremony. The parents, brothers and sisters from both sides gather at the soon-to-be bride’s house to officially announce the engagement and to exchange gifts between each other. These gifts usually consist of clothing and blankets, rather than appliances. Another purpose for the ring ceremony is to set a date for the wedding day. Subsequent to the ring ceremony is the Sagan, where once again the families come together and meet at the groom’s house and once again exchange more gifts. The Sagan is usually set close to the wedding day because it is a confirmation of the engagement and the idea is to have all the relatives of both the sides remaining present in the ceremony. Only the closest of family members are allowed to be in the actual wedding ceremony, so there is no exchange of gifts or money. While the ceremony is going on, the wedding guests are waiting in the hall. When the ceremony ends, the bride and the groom head into the hall where all the wedding guests welcome them as a new couple. The bride and groom take their seats in very elaborately decorated chairs. The bride and groom then spread a shawl over their laps and the money exchange begins. The first to drop money into the couple’s laps are the parents and the immediate family. After the immediate family, the extended family drops their money then the wedding guests continues until everyone have had a chance to approach the couple and drop off their gifts. The money amounts usually depend on how close of a relationship the guests or the family members have to the couple. Once all the guests have dropped off their gifts then the
dance programs and other celebrations commence. A few questions were asked to several people who have attended Punjabi weddings in both the United States and Punjab, India. The purpose of our interviews were to gather information on how the rituals have changed throughout the years according to location, whether the money gifts were usually anonymous or if they felt that it was better for the couple to know who gave a certain amount. First Interview Gurjeet is a twenty-year old woman who is originally from Fresno, California where the rest of her family resides and currently attends UC Irvine. Gurjeet’s parents and most of her family were born in Punjab, India and they follow Sikhism. Gurjeet has attended around twenty weddings both in the US and India and recalls an instance when she flew to India for a wedding that she would take part of and remembers how merry and exuberant the celebrations were. Over the years, Gurjeet attended several weddings and she described how the weddings took place and the customs and traditions that were followed. Gurjeet explains that there is a certain order in which the rituals should be performed and that most weddings follow this order. Gurjeet describes that “the actual wedding procedure takes place inside the temple, which takes approximately an hour. The bride and groom complete the rituals, then before exiting the temple and heading over the reception, the wedding guests come up to the bride and groom and put money in their laps.” Giving money to the couple is considered to be a blessing; it is a wish for a good future together. When the guests drop off the money they usually drop off around twenty dollars or more. Family members and friends who are close to the couple give more money to the couple. Usually the money is never kept anonymous because the amount of money does not matter to the couple. Second Interview
Manjit is a forty-nine year old woman who lives in Fresno, California. Manjit was born and raised in Punjab, India but came to the United States in 1985. Manjit has witnessed many weddings in both India and the US and agrees that most of the weddings follow the same procedures and that the exchange of money is an important part. Manjit explained a ritual called Milni, which takes place right before the wedding and it is just between the bride and groom’s father, brothers, and uncles. These relatives present money to the other family on a blanket and a member from the receiving family will try to take the least amount of money. Manjit explained that the weddings that she attended years ago had many guests and family members attending the actual wedding ceremony at the Gurdwara but now she has seen that it has been limited to just family members. When the couple is married, they move to the hall and the money gifts start “dropping.” Manjit said that it’s a tradition to drop money which ends in 1, for example, guests can either drop off eleven, twenty-one or thirty-one dollars. However, she said that only families that are somewhat wealthy go through these money and gift exchanges because the poorer families do not have enough money. Third Interview Sukhdev is a seventy-nine year old woman who lives with Manjit in Fresno, California. Sukhdev actually came to the United States thirteen years ago and has attended many weddings in India of different financial and class levels. Sukhdev explained that that the ceremonies have actually changed a lot throughout the years, Punjabi weddings used to be very big celebrations with numerous amounts of different people came to join in the celebrations and the rituals, but nowadays these celebrations are limited to people who are close to the couples. Sukhdev also talked about the couple’s trip to the hall where the Saagan takes place and how the amount of money given at the weddings has changed, the amount has increased as the years have gone by
and they probably will continue to increase. After interviewing the three different generations it is evident that the traditions have changed between generations. Not only have the traditions changed but also the amount of money given to the married couple. All three interviewees agreed that the money given is not done in an anonymous way and that the purpose to giving money to the couple is to wish them a good future together and to give the couple a blessing. Taking care of one’s community is a very prominent custom in the Punjabi culture but it is also very visible in many Latin American countries; Ellen Moodie’s experiences enacted a perception that there is a “Latin American tendency to help relatives or local community members, as opposed to a US protestant Christian notion of charity to strangers.” (Senders 51) Latin American cultures do not see strangers as below them but an equal, therefore it is expected that large bills would be used when “paying” to dance with the bride, even if the guest does not know the couple personally. A tradition that expresses the building of intimate relationships between acquaintances is the Mexican tradition of Padrinos or wedding sponsors. Once a person is asked to be a Padrino, they establish a tight bond with the couple’s family and as they or their invitees give a money gift to the couple, they are declaring the affectionate value of the relationship that is consider a “proper transfer”(Zelizer 114). Interviews: Mexican Weddings The Mexican wedding resembles a complex mixture of religion, tradition and belief of both Spanish and indigenous influence. Factors of regional and class difference further complicate the definition and characteristics of the Mexican wedding. Add the elements of migration and globalization and the Mexican wedding is yet a more complex entanglement of experiences and interpretations. It is no surprise then, that the concept, usage, and interpretation
of money and monetary practices in Mexican weddings are not homogenous, but rather as diverse as the history and traditions of weddings themselves. The experiences of six people of varying backgrounds narrate not only the different practices, but also the different ways in which people understand money in Mexican weddings, particularly through the “Dollar Dance”. Mexican weddings involve varying customs and traditions. From courtship to wedding, traditions vary by social and financial status, and by Indian or Spanish custom, among other things. The report “Historical Perspective on a Traditional Mexican Wedding"” seeks to outline the origins of modern Catholic customs associated with marriage in Mexican communities. Through such a historic and cultural breakdown, it becomes clear that the “traditional Mexican wedding” is in fact a vague concept, referring wide variety of complex cultural syncretism, differences, and change over time and space. Monetary practices in Mexican weddings include providing payment to the bride’s family, exchanging gold coins called arras during the marriage ceremony, and the “Dollar Dance” at the wedding reception. The “Dollar Dance”, thought to be a traditional custom of all Mexican weddings, proved to have different meanings for different people and its interpretations are illustrated below through a variety of lived experiences. The “Dollar Dance” was a topic of much contention amongst the interviewees. “Claro, el baile del dolar es algo muy Mexicano (Of course the dollar dance is something traditional of Mexico),” said one, while another assured that she had never heard of money dances at weddings until more recently. For Lupita, a thirty-eight year old native of Nochistlan, Zacatecas, and the “Dollar Dance” at weddings is something that has just recently begun happening in her town. For Ernesto, a twenty-six year old native of Mexico City, the “Dollar Dance” is not traditional of Mexico at all; “Es de los gueros (It’s a white people thing).” Ernesto assures that in the more than 100 weddings that he has been to, he has never seen the money dance performed. On the
other hand, Mildred, thirty-seven, and Ruben, thirty-three, of Guadalajara, Jalisco, and Morelia, Michoacan respectively, relate that they have seen money dances at weddings since they can remember. “Es muy tradicional (It's very traditional),” says Ruben, “como el bolo en los bautizos (like the bolo in baptisms).” While some claimed that the money dance was traditional of Mexico, all considered the probable influence of the United States. “My sister did the money dance in 1962 in El Paso, Texas,” says Salvador, “so you can imagine it is at least forty years old and has something to do with migration.” In addition to an inconsistent history, the “Dollar Dance” seemed to carry an inconsistent connotation amongst the interviewees. Some interviewees viewed the dance as helpful to the couples and would recommend it to others. “Cuando te casas, se llevan muchos gastos (When you get married, you incur a lot of costs),” commented Ruben. “El baile es una gran ayuda economicamente (The dance is a great help economically).” However, others viewed the “Dollar Dance” as tacky and de mal gusto (of bad taste). “Para la sociedad es horrible (In the eyes of society, its horrendous),” said Ernesto. Lupita worried about having alguien que no (someone… unacceptable) come up to try to dance with her. The whole town assists weddings in Nochistlan, which allows everyone the chance to take advantage of a money dance to steal a dance from the bride, something which, when Lupita thinks back, makes her feel very uncomfortable. The interpretations of the interviewees differed in two notable categories, their class or social status, and whether they were from rural or urban parts of Mexico. Those who were from cities felt that dollar dances were traditional of Mexico while those of rural towns didn’t practice them at all and felt they were recent practices that came from the outside in. Those who were of higher social status were more likely to see the “Dollar Dance” negatively, as tacky and “uncultured,” while those who felt positively about it were from the middle class. A blogger
from Mexicali, Baja California who posted the experiences of her wedding related her choice to not do the dollar dance: Tampoco hicimos el baile del dólar, porque no me gusta, se me hace...ay no se...me da como pena...me acuerdo perfecto que dije ese día cuando me propusieron que el baile del dólar y no se que: "...nooo...mi dignidad vale mas... " (We didn’t do the dollar dance either, because I don’t like it, it seems… oh I don’t know… I feel like embarrassed… I remember perfectly well that I said that day when they proposed that I do the dollar dance and I don’t know what: “…nooo… my dignity is worth more…”) Source: http://monicaroman.blogspot.com/2007_03_01_archive.html For this blogger, like for Lupita, something about the dance made her feel uncomfortable and ashamed. Perhaps the notion of “paying” for a dance with the bride, seen in the earlier versions of the money dance, today for some resembles an undignified practice that objectifies women. The interpretations and meanings of money in weddings fall along a vast spectrum, and while some patterns emerged, there was no strict categorization of the wedding experience. While some see the current usage of money as dollar bills in a market economy, utilized in a transaction to receive a good or a service in return, others connect money to the idea of gift-exchange and giving to develop or strengthen social relationships. The practice of the money dance illustrates concepts of the personalization and depersonalization of money in the Mexican wedding. As discussed in lectures, complexities of systems of exchange include a careful consideration of personal relationship, availability and need. The gifting of dollars during the money dance at Mexican weddings passes through this process of calculation. People consider first and foremost the relationship. “Si es nadamas un conocido, doy como $5 dolares (If it is just an acquaintance, I give about $5 dollars),” explained Mildred. “Pero si es un familiar doy hasta $100 (But if it is a family member, I give even $100).” Viviana Zelizer, in her work on the social meaning of gifted money, discusses the
nineteenth-century rule that gifts of money could only be exchanged between near relatives and closest friends. While a gift of money from an ordinary friend or acquaintance might have been distasteful then, all forms of gift giving multiplied in the twentieth century and gifting money was no longer an exclusive practice. That is why today, the lines for the “Dollar Dance” are extensive, and include distant relatives and acquaintances in addition to close friends and family. For those who participate in the “Dollar Dance”, the amount of money given is decided primarily based on the closeness or worth of the relationship. But financial need and availability are also considered. “La cantidad depende de posibilidades (The amount depends on [my] possibilities),” expressed Javier. If the wedding seems fancier and more costly, those attending might give more money, both to help with the financial costs, and out of social pressure for not wanting to appear stingy. The act of gifting money seems to be very personal in the calculations that take place. At the same time, however, gifting money has been analyzed to be unoriginal and impersonal, including in a “Dollar Dance” where the money is pinned and lost in a sea of other bills. When the bride and groom finally count all the bills received from the dance, the money does not come with traceable characteristics of who pinned what. The practice of gifting money in Mexican weddings can be analyzed as both a personal and impersonal act. The cultural practice of the money dance, through concepts of gift exchange and reciprocity, creates or reproduces a sense of community and shared responsibility amongst those that participate. Mauss argues that gifts are never free nor alienable, but rather that they create a social bond with an obligation to reciprocate the gift. Because the gift in a money dance is money in the form of a standardized bill, indistinguishable from any other bill of the same amount, it is hard to believe that there is a bond between the bill and the giver. In fact, the use of
paper money seeks to make such transactions as impersonal as possible, with no viable way of tracing the bill to a previous owner. But the concept of participating in a money dance does bring the giver into a cultural practice that will not end with that one experience. The couple that receives money for their wedding knows that they will reciprocate the gift at every opportunity. “El dinero es como una ayuda para el costo de la boda (The money is like a form of economic support for the cost of the wedding),” expressed Javier. Many believe that the money serves as the empuje, or financial push, for the newlyweds, and those that agree to participate share the responsibility and the desire to initiate the couple into their married life. And the practice continues each time the money dance is performed at a wedding. Interview: Wedding Magazine Publisher Lilian de la Torre-Jimenez is the Publisher for “Bodas USA La Revista” and BodasUSA.com, a wedding magazine in Spanish for the bilingual Latino community in California and the US/Mexico border. Ms. Torre-Jimenez states that the “"Money Dance" or "Baile del dinero" varies from regions in Mexico; in the South it is more traditional, whereas in the Northern States, because of the US influence it is not as common as before. Also it depends on class status; the upper classes in Mexico usually don't follow the tradition as they see it offensive to ask for money. Here in the states, Latino couples depending where they are from in Mexico or how acculturated they are might chose or not to perform the Money Dance in their wedding. More and more, in the case of the couples we have interviewed for the magazine, Latino young couples, mostly professionals opt to register at a gift registry. But the younger couples, who still might not have a professional career in place, might find it as an option to "put some money aside for the honeymoon". This is usually the case, eleven years ago, when I wed, we did the “Money Dance” merely because it is a tradition, everyone in my family and his had done it
before us, we used the money, over $1000 for the honeymoon in Las Vegas. Families see it as a way to help the new couple out, and many don’t see it offensive here in the US, they just see it as a tradition that is passed from generation to generation. However, we are seeing more acculturated Latino professional couples not following this tradition as much.” US considers it an old-fashioned custom The personalization of gifting money is very preeminent in the US due to the fact that during the Great Depression in the US, gift-wrapping became a popular means of hiding poverty while at the same time suggesting the power of gift-exchange, much like Japanese’s and Chinese’s concept of gifting money. The commercialization of money as a gift has been a very lucrative industry in the past century, which many critics predicted a depletion of social relations yet the gifting industry has managed to diversify and distinguish their gift money from other transfers (Zelizer 114). An example of this history is seen in weddings where couples have adapted to the American way of life, even if they are from Mexican or Indian descent. Reading thru many wedding blogs, such as in tietheknot.com, a common theme surfaced and that is that brides with weak ties to their heritage opt for the elimination of the “Dollar Dance” since they see it as old-fashioned or “tacky” tradition. Many brides feel that asking for cash will be perceived as been greedy since the dance pressures the guest into giving them more money, much like the “Presentation Preferred” clause in some wedding invitations; this clause is meant to inform the guest that money will be a better gift than a toaster. Such brides feel that when money becomes a gift, it does not express their individual relationship with the guest. Brides do feel different when the gifting money is transformed into a gift card or certificate and it’s presented in a “carefully wrapped package”, just as a bride’s physician did when he gave her
gold coins with a label of “to be taken before or after meals”(Zelizer 105). Certain brides feel that an alternative approach to the “Dollar Dance” is the best way to allow their guest to feel comfortable when gifting money; such approaches range from bird cages for depositing gift cards, raffling off gift cards to their guest, placing a tree for guest to hang their cards on the branches. Simmel’s insights have been supported and developed by subsequent theorists of modernity who also characterized money as a quintessential instrument of modernity. Certain traditions are hard to change yet the commercialization of weddings in the US has made it possible for the “Dollar Dance” to experience a transform. For example, there are websites that sell wedding purses for the “Dollar Dance” with your favorite sports team logo on it, decorated bird cages intended for the money gifts, Mickey Mouse shot glasses intended for the “Dollar Dance”, money trees and even money clips. The critiques are many but so are the benefits, it is not seen much but a few couples opt to donate the money collected from the “Dollar Dance” to a charity of their choice however this is an action that is done by many corporations or organizations that want to gather donations. Overall, the greatest benefit that comes from this dance is the ability to meet and mingle with the guest, and to thank them for attending. Many guests are encouraged to dance and enjoy the celebration even more, and the couple can even build up network connections and new friends. The “Dollar Dance” was originated to celebrate the union of two people’s lives, yet money becomes an important part of the union therefore an examination of this tradition using the anthropology aspect of money reveals interesting information.