The Need for Acceptance
ABSTRACT
The feeling of being accepted by others is a basic need. Humans are social
beings, and therefore require some subjective level of security by feeling
accepted by others. This concept can generally be embraced within our own
families of origin, within a social network, by colleagues and peers within
the classroom or workplace settings.
Some individuals display a dramatic need for acceptance even when that
acceptance is present. This discussion works to explore the origins and
nature of why that might be happening …
TALKING POINTS WITHIN THIS EPISODE
· AUDIENCE SOLICITATION: “Some individuals get themselves into trouble by making
radical compromises in order to be accepted.” TRUE OR FALSE?
· AUDIENCE SOLICITATION: “What might some examples of those compromises look
like?” WHAT OBSERVABLE BEHAVIORS MIGHT REFLECT SUCH COMPROMISES?
· AUDIENCE SOLICITATION: “Are there internal aspects of an individual which can be
compromised that cannot be readily observed through behaviors?” CAN ANYONE HERE
TODAY DESCRIBE WHAT THOSE MIGHT BE?
· AUDIENCE SOLICITATION: “Is it possible that some individuals might interpret the
simple voicing of their own opinions … or exercising their own free will as going-
against-the-grain?” IF THERE ARE SUCH INDIVIDUALS … WHAT WOULD THE EFFECTS OF
THAT ATTITUDE BE … OVER A PERIOD OF TIME?
· AUDIENCE SOLICITATION: “Might such an individual pair with a partner who might be
a polar-opposite?” WHY WOULD THAT APPEAR TO BE A GOOD PAIRING? HOW MIGHT
THAT RELATIONSHIP PLAY-OUT OVER TIME? DO YOU THINK SUCH PAIRINGS ARE
COMMON?
· AUDIENCE SOLICITATION: “Let’s do some backtracking … what feeling or emotion
would appear to lie at the heart of an inordinate need for acceptance?” I ASSUME THAT
THERE ARE SOME FOLKS HERE TODAY WHO MIGHT BE CHIDREN OF ALCOHOLICS. YOU
FOLKS SHOULD HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS …
· AUDIENCE SOLICITATION: “So it is possible to establish some the origins of the
difficulties of which we speak today. A lack of nurturing and encouragement, and
physical, emotional, or sexual abuse would surely contribute to feelings of insecurity and
the need for acceptance.” WOULD THE DEVELOPMENT AND PERPETUATION OF A
SUBSTANCE-USE DISORDER CONTRIBUTE? HOW SO?
· AUDIENCE SOLICITATION: “Might the active abuse of alcohol or other drugs buffer the
need for acceptance?” HOW SO?
· AUDIENCE SOLICITATION: “Is it possible for someone to effectively deal with this issue
while they are still using?” WHY NOT?
· AUDIENCE SOLICITATION: “So if an individual has an acceptance problem … and uses
alcohol or other drugs as a self-medicating behavior … what are their chances of
establishing quality sobriety if the origins and root causes of their inordinate needs are
not resolved or minimized?” ARE THEIR ODDS LOWER … THAN SOMEONE WHO ATTACKS
THIS STUFF … AND LEAVE NO STONE UNTURNED?
· AUDIENCE SOLICITATION: “One of the topic discussions for a different day is on the
subject of what I refer to as REDUCTIONISM. This process entails identifying a
contemporary problem … one that you are having today … and working backwards to
eventually find the origins and root causes of today’s difficulties. It’s like peeling an
onion … one layer at a time … understanding each manifestation of the difficulty as one
works backwards. Eventually … one will find the answer.” THE NEED FOR ACCEPTANCE
IS FREQUENTLY RELATED TO PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, OR SEXUAL ABUSE DURING
CHILDHOOD OR ADOLESCENCE. FOR ILLUSTRATION SAKE … IS THERE ANYONE HERE
TODAY WHO CAN SPEAK TO THIS POINT?
· AUDIENCE SOLICITATION: “So we can reason that even when someone enters sobriety
… if they do not address the seminal issues which either lead them into addiction … or
perpetuated their substance abuse … they efforts in working toward quality, long-term
sobriety are more difficult to achieve … and their sobriety is at higher risk.” DOES THAT
SOUND ABOUT RIGHT?
RELATED OR OVERLAPPING TOPICS:
Abuse Issues
Codependency
Emotional Barometer
Family-of-Origin Issues
Fronting
Family Secrets
Gangs
Reductionism
Resistance, Flexibility, and Compromise
Self-Concept
The Baggage Claim
Your Freedoms and Insecurity
Your Social Circle & Relationships