Conflict Resolution for the Leadworker

CONFLICT RESOLUTION for the lead worker Paris Boehm Doug D. Whittle Whittle Consulting Group, LLC Today’s objectives: Review types & sources of workplace conflict Examine different ways to address & resolve conflict Apply conflict resolution models & approaches through practice Conflict Resolution At the end of the day… To better know & understand yourself and others in order to improve your your skills in managing & resolving conflict ruths • There is no silver bullet • One size does not fit all • Managing your behaviors and reactions…both a skill and an art • Practice makes perfect You must agree… • You can not control others • You can control yourself • You accept responsibility for your actions, reactions, decisions, and emotions • You share responsibility for the success of your team Power? Authority? When you think you are powerful, you are. When others think you are powerful, you are. POWERFUL 8. Lead & Make It Happen 7. Find Solutions 6. ―Own It‖ 5. Acknowledge Reality 4. Wait & Hope 3. ―I can’t‖ - Excuses 2. Blame Others 1. Unaware / Unconscious powerless Do you take risks If you do or if you don’t… either way, it’s risky business What’s the risk of acting? – What do you risk if you address the conflict? What’s the risk of NOT acting? – What do you risk if you DON’T address the conflict? If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you’ve always got. Aim Fire Fire Aim Ready Ready When conflict gets out of hand… Speak when you are angry… and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. Models &Tools Current State No YES Desired State Current State No YES Desired State ORGANIZATIONAL CULTURE GROUP BEHAVIOR (High) INDIVIDUAL BEHAVIORS Difficulty INDIVIDUAL ATTITUDES (Low) KNOWLEDGE Time involved (Short) (Long) Benefits of managing conflict • Better motivated staff • Staff energies directed toward work, not emotions • More positive image of organization, team • Improved teamwork • Better personal development of individuals 2 Benefits of managing conflict • • • • More, better ideas Increased creativity & innovation Increased self-respect Increased synergy 2 Drawbacks of ignoring conflict • • • • • • • Lower morale Climate of mistrust, suspicion, hostility created Escalation & spread of conflict to others Dissipation of staff energy Misdirection of staff energy Reduced productivity Misperception that inaction is the easiest option— the problem will ultimately be harder to solve 2 ways to deal with Collaboration conflict Compromise Avoidance Competition Accommodation 2 Avoidance •Withdraw •Deny 2 2 •Minimizes, suppresses differences •Maintains surface harmony •Can result in feelings of powerlessness, frustration Accommodation •Focuses on defeating other side Competition 2 •Each party gives up something •Trade-offs •Multiple options, solutions •Use to build consensus Compromise 2 Collaboration •Experience, expertise, perceptions of both parties recognized & valued •Alternatives discussed openly •Decisions made in broader context: What’s best for team, department, company 2 Conflict Management Process 1. Recognize that a conflict exists 2. Monitor the climate 3. Examine, summarize the situation 4. Plan your approach 5. Address the issue 6. Involve & engage the stakeholders 7. Identify a forward path 8. Appraise, don’t dwell 3 Conflict Management process 1. Recognize that a conflict exists •Overt vs. covert •Visible vs. hidden •Obvious vs. subtle 3 Trip my TRIGGER 3 Conflict management process 2. Monitor the climate •Keep eyes open •Don’t ignore •Early warning system 3 To monitor conflict… • • • • Know yourself Know others Adapt and Connect Do unto others as THEY would be done unto questioning deliberate precise formal caring patient sharing encouraging dynamic strong-willed sociable competitive persuasive demanding enthusiastic determined Who are YOU? questioning deliberate precise formal caring patient sharing encouraging dynamic strong-willed sociable competitive persuasive demanding enthusiastic determined Who is HE/SHE? Conflict management process 3. Examine, summarize the situation •WHAT is the actual issue? •WHAT is the root cause? •WHAT are potential and actual impacts? •Avoid snap judgments. •Be empathetic 3 CONFLICT = STRESS questioning deliberate cautious precise formal strong-willed competitive demanding determined purposeful Demonstrated Behaviors caring patient sharing relaxed encouraging sociable dynamic persuasive enthusiastic demonstrative suspicious indecisive reserved stuffy cold overbearing aggressive controlling intolerant driving …on a bad day bland docile reliant stubborn plodding hasty frantic excitable indiscreet flamboyant Stress Cause poor quality, time wasted, lack of structure First Response Flipped Out impatient aggressive irritable demanding withdrawn helpless offended misunderstood time out, fast action, place in control Stress Remedy Stress Cause rejection, restricted flexibility, no fun First Response Flipped Out hasty scream indiscretion throw things ice cold mission to kill no emotion detached save face, outside the box, distraction Stress Remedy Stress Cause value violation, interruptions, unfair treatment First Response Flipped Out self doubt hurt feelings rumination stubborn very critical vicious destructive nasty sincerity, personal contact, trust restoration Stress Remedy Stress Cause lack of focus, indecisiveness, out of control First Response Flipped Out withdraw split hairs hesitate go quietly lose control cry get loud get emotional information, build a path forward, analysis Stress Remedy Conflict management process 4. Plan your approach •Build climate of open exchange •Avoid taking sides •Identify preferred outcome(s) •Build your BATNA •Build your strategy 3 Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way. Daniele Vare, Italian diplomat Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement 4 BATNA Aspire Content Live To With With Conflict management process 5. Address the issue •Maintain control •Consider a time out •Take time to consider all points of view •Listen & hear 4 communications Talking Points Timing Channels critical elements of 2-3 Talking Points Setting Level of formality Preparation Process time Decision & commitment Timing Oral: In person Oral: Distance Electronic Print Grapevine Channels People don’t resist change… …they resist being changed Edgar Schein Reasons for I don’t get it! I don’t like it! I don’t like you! RESISTANCE Barriers to agreement Barriers Others See Not their idea Fear of losing face Too much too fast Unmet interest 4 Helping others through R E S • Involve the other side I – Ask for and build on their ideas S Not my Idea! • Ask for constructive T criticism A – How might we...? • Offer choices and N alternatives C 4 E Helping others through R • Walk in their shoes E – Would I agree to this if I were S them? – Why? Why not? I • Review basic human S needs Unmet – Look for intangible motivations T that drive their behavior interests A • Look for low cost, high benefit trades N • If-then bargains C 4 E Helping others through R E • Help them back away without backing down S • Show how circumstances I have changed S Fear of • Ask for third-party T losing face recommendation A • Provide testimonials N • Share credit C • Give them the limelight 4 E Helping others through R E • Go slow to go fast • Pilot project S • Don’t ask for final I commitment until S Too much, the end T • Don’t rush to the too fast A finish N • Caution: avoid verbal contracts C 4 E Denial Commitment Resistance Anger Exploration Checking Out Two ways to QUIT and QUIT and LEAVE STAY QUIT! Conflict management process 6. Involve and engage stakeholders •Recognize all parties’ alternatives •Emphasize communication •Work to improve relationships •Be nondiscriminatory and compatible with organization’s preferred practices •Generate a lasting commitment to the solution 4 stakeholders It’s all about • Anyone with a vested interest in the outcome of your mission & initiatives • Interest groups to whom your organization is accountable STAKEHOLDERS You have more than one! Who’s who? What do I need from them? What do they need from me? Who are my key stakeholders? Identifying the needs Who’s who? Who do they influence? Who influences them? Where do they currently stand? Mapping your stakeholders oaching Unlocking a person’s potential to maximize their own performance COACHING Helping people to learn rather than teaching them Principles of A skillful coach rarely provides or prescribes solutions It may be harder to give up instructing than it is to learn to coach Coaching focuses on future possibilities not past mistakes COACHING Perhaps the hardest thing a coach has to learn is to SHUT UP! Questions for effective coaching G EALITY R PTIONS O ILL W OALS What do you want? What is happening now? What could you do? What will you do? 7 Conflict management process 7. Identify a forward path •Examine options •Explore compromise •Identify acceptable path forward •Obtain commitment from all parties •ARCI 4 A ccountable R esponsible C onsult I nform Conflict management process 8. Appraise, don’t dwell •Post-mortem •Lessons learned •Continuous improvement 4 Conflict management process 8. Appraisal questions to ask •What did you gain or lose for now? •What will you gain or lose in the future? •What did the other person gain or lose? •What will the other person gain or lose in the future? •How do you feel about this outcome? •What would you do differently the next time? 4 Conduct autopsies, without blame. Good to Great p77 Stop Continue Start 8 PARTNERSHIPS With whom do I With whom do I need to build strong relationships? need to minimize association? RELATIONSHIPS Saying thanks is one of the simplest ways to build relationships Office Politics for the Utterly Confused (Salmon & Salmon) words wisdom of C.W. Metcalf Save energy for the battles that count Know when uncomfortable becomes unbearable Don’t burn bridges (even when you are tempted) Overcome terminal professionalism Take yourself lightly and your job seriously Understand that you are not the center of the universe Do something for the fun of it Expect the best Find absurdity in adversity Paris Boehm, Associate 515.720.1098 Paris@WhittleConsultingGroup.com THANK YOU!!!