I Do or Don’t?
A Portrait of Dating at St. Olaf College
Ryan Franz, Whitney Troxel, Jason Roberts
Ethnographic Research Methods
Dr. Chiappari
5/16/06
Executive Summary
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I Do or Don’t? A Portrait of Dating at St. Olaf College
Abstract
The idea of dating, the opportunity to meet that “special” someone is something
that many college students face at his or her college or university campus. However, how
does one go about to find that significant other? The process of dating is highly complex,
and involves many different facets and traditions. These traditions, such as how does one
initiate a date, where do people go on these dates, and how does one maintain a
relationship is explored through the interpretation of the college environment of St. Olaf
College.
What was found is that the traditions and practices of dating that are apparent in
today’s college life setting at St. Olaf College is not the same as it once was decades ago.
The formality of dating and the traditions that were once practiced and utilized between
men and women of the past are not in total use at St Olaf College today. Dating, as it
may seem, is more informal than the once formal procedure. Students today at St. Olaf
College engage in more promiscuity and feel less pressure to find a spouse during
college. Furthermore, a lot of emphasis was put on the process of dating itself, where
going out and engaging in activities with another individual constituted a date.
Discouraging factors of dating on the campus of St. Olaf College dealt mainly with the
small population that is present on the campus itself, where relationships and run-ins with
ex’s was highly visible and unwanted. One interesting quote that summarizes the facet of
dating which describes the difference between relationships and dating: “St. Olaf may be
a horrible place to date, but it is a really great place to have a relationship.”
Ultimately, the process of dating on the campus of St. Olaf College is compiled of
many different aspects and process. Dating involves much more than courting another
out on a date and hoping to maintain a relationship over the course of time. It involves
traditions and practices, which over time, can change and continue to shape how people
meet other people. On the campus of St. Olaf College, these traditions from the past have
changed and continue to progress to the process in which it is today.
St. Olaf is a horrible place to date, but is a really great place to have a
relationship.
Today’s College is yesterdays High School.
Dating is currently less prominent at St. Olaf College.
Less pressure to find spouse during college years.
The dating process is concluded as a private affair, involves going out
(preferably off-campus), little ambiguity, gender roles are still associated with
tradition roles.
Small population size of St. Olaf campus leads to many negative aspects of
dating.
Stereotypes of dating, marriage, and relationships at St. Olaf College have
changed over the decades.
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Abstract
The idea of dating, the opportunity to meet that “special” someone is something
that many college students face at his or her college or university campus. However, how
does one go about to find that significant other? The process of dating is highly complex,
and involves many different facets and traditions. These traditions, such as how does one
initiate a date, where do people go on these dates, and how does one maintain a
relationship is explored through the interpretation of the college environment of St. Olaf
College.
What was found is that the traditions and practices of dating that are apparent in
today’s college life setting at St. Olaf College is not the same as it once was decades ago.
The formality of dating and the traditions that were once practiced and utilized between
men and women of the past are not in total use at St Olaf College today. Dating, as it
may seem, is more informal than the once formal procedure. Students today at St. Olaf
College engage in more promiscuity and feel less pressure to find a spouse during
college. Furthermore, a lot of emphasis was put on the process of dating itself, where
going out and engaging in activities with another individual constituted a date.
Discouraging factors of dating on the campus of St. Olaf College dealt mainly with the
small population that is present on the campus itself, where relationships and run-ins with
ex’s was highly visible and unwanted. One interesting quote that summarizes the facet of
dating which describes the difference between relationships and dating: “St. Olaf may be
a horrible place to date, but it is a really great place to have a relationship.”
Ultimately, the process of dating on the campus of St. Olaf College is compiled of
many different aspects and processes. Dating involves much more than courting another
3
out on a date and hoping to maintain a relationship over the course of time. It involves
traditions and practices, which over time, can change and continue to shape how people
meet others. On the campus of St. Olaf College, these traditions from the past have
changed and continue to progress to the process in which it is today.
The Setting
To ensure that the results of our study are meaningful for our readers, it is
important that the main characteristics of the campus are briefly described. Subjects of
our study currently attend St. Olaf College. St. Olaf is a private, four-year liberal arts
college of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America (www.stolaf.edu). St. Olaf
students are able to experience an education that integrates a global perspective with an
academic curriculum committed to the liberal arts that is consistent with the Christian
Gospel. St. Olaf College sets itself apart from many other small, liberal arts institutions
by focusing on helping students to develop skills that will actually prove valuable in their
lives of service following graduation. Opportunities found on campus help to cultivate
development in mind, body, and spirit for all students.
St. Olaf’s 350-acre campus is located in Northfield, Minnesota, with a population
of about 18,000, is a town and home to two colleges. Northfield could be described as a
slightly rural environment that is approximately a forty-five minute drive away from the
Twin Cities area. St. Olaf enrolls about 3,050 students each year representing 48
different states and the District of Columbia, and 18 foreign countries (www.stolaf.edu).
Almost 13 percent of each incoming class falls into the category of first generation
college student (www.stolaf.edu). St. Olaf encourages its students to live on campus all
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four years to promote a feeling of increased community. About ninety-six percent of
students reside in one of the college’s eleven residence halls, 10 honor houses, 6 language
houses and 1 diversity house (www.stolaf.edu). All of these residences are affiliated with
the college and are in easy walking distance from anywhere on campus.
Statistics show that the incoming class of 2009 has 58 percent female; 42 percent
male gender ratio. About 11.6 percent of the incoming class identify themselves as
multi-cultural and the current mean high school academic grade-point average is high at
3.60. Also important to this study is the approximate breakdown of religions practiced by
the class of 2009: 41 percent Lutheran, 14 percent Catholic, 6 percent Presbyterian, 5
percent Methodist, and 34 percent other (www.stolaf.edu).
The Problem
The possibility of dating is a feeling that a lot of students share at any college or
university. Dating is an interesting phenomenon, where it can be really easy or hard to
find a partner to date. It can also be tremendously exciting, where if one does find a
partner, life seems to be so great and move so fast. On the other side, it can be
devastating to an individual, where complete failure in finding a soul mate can lead to
depression and hatred towards other people. So, why do people still continue to try to
find a loved one, even though the process can entail extremes of both greatness and
sadness? Why do people still pursue a life with a partner through the process of dating
which can lead to pure bliss or utter dismay?
The problem of dating in our study begins with the setting of St. Olaf College and
its environment which displays an attitude of good heartedness and happy days on the
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hill. Here, the initial study was to determine the dating behaviors that are currently
practiced here on the campus, as in how do students begin the dating process, what do
they do during these situations, and how do students deal with relationships after they
have expired? These questions were laid out as our fundamental base to our overall
question of dating at St. Olaf College.
After conducting research and interviews of fellow students on campus, it was
found that our questions did not necessarily answer the fundamental goal of our research.
We found that there are many different and intrinsic features included in the process of
dating that blind-sided our research. These minor, yet influential details that we forgot
about, led us to change the framework of our research and ask further questions that
would help in the discovery of the real portrait of dating at St. Olaf College. Ultimately,
through our interviews and findings, we wanted to include into the picture and scheme of
our research, the overall stereotypes and labels in which students, parents, alumni, and/or
any other person had of the atmosphere/environment of St. Olaf College. We found
through our interviews, that subjects who had connections with alumni or other people
outside the everyday environment of St. Olaf had different perceptions of the campus.
For example, when conducting an interview with a fellow student, he talked about how
his parents met and dated at St. Olaf when they were students at the college. Here, his
parents’ perception of the environment and dating is different. With this, the student
began to talk about how his parents thought every “Ole” met and married another “Ole”
and that it was the “right” thing to do. Ultimately, from this perception, it was necessary
for our research team to organize questions and discuss the importance of others’ ideas
and perceptions of dating of others onto the current St. Olaf students.
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In addition to the labels and stereotypes of dating at St. Olaf College, we also
wanted to research and examine the thoughts of the “college environment” as well. Are
we all really good blond Norwegians? Is everything happy and sunny on the St. Olaf
campus? Are things the same as they were twenty, forty, or even sixty years ago?
Obviously times have changed and the environment has changed as well, however, we
also were interested in finding out if the thoughts of the students and their personal
beliefs have changed? From this, we wanted to examine in detail the type of dating that
occurs. Do people solely stay with one individual during their time in the dating process?
Do people participate in sexual activity? These questions and more are ones that will
help the process of defining and figuring out the dating matrix that is St. Olaf College.
Other than the campus/real life that envelops St. Olaf, there is another so called
“environment” that is causing some uproar in the dating setting. The internet is a vast
network that connects hundreds of millions of people with information and each other.
Imbedded into this framework that is the internet is the web page that invites hundreds of
colleges around the U.S to participate in: Facebook.
“Facebook is a social directory that enables people to share
information. Launched in February 2004, Facebook helps people better
understand their world by giving them access to the information that is most
relevant to them. Facebook’s website has grown to over 7 million people
and, according to “.comScore.” ranks as the 7th most trafficked site in the
United States. People with a valid email address from a supported college or
high school can register for Facebook and create a profile to share
information, photos, and interests with their friends”
(www.facebook.com/about).
With this network that enables people to read information about others, the dating
world has expanded out of reality and into virtual reality. Here, people are able to make
their relationship public through the webpage. Furthermore, people are able to describe
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how they know other members of the website, which includes different dating aspects,
such as “we dated” and “we hooked up.” From this, we explore the overall influence of
Facebook and how it has shaped relationships on campus.
Literature Review and Theoretical Framework
One of the biggest issues facing college students today is dating. Pressure for
students to perform at an exceptional level is as high as it has always been, and deciding
whether or not to spend the time, effort, and stress in a relationship becomes an important
decision as was talked about in previous paragraphs. Because it is such a prevalent topic,
there has been much written and studied about the dating process itself. With many
theories and ideas about what students should do out in the academic world, it became
obvious that there really are no set of rules on what an individual should do, but rather
suggestions from past experience. Every school is different in that the atmosphere for
dating changes from school to school. St. Olaf College is no exception. However, in our
literature search, it is possible to find that these studies and theories interrelate to the
things that go on at St. Olaf College and can help us understand and describe theoretically
what is going on.
Since so much pressure is placed on students academically, much of their social
life comes secondary. However, we all know that the social aspect does play a major role
in any student’s life, so how do we balance these two facets? Judy Moseman, a residence
life coordinator at Bethel College in Minnesota, describes dating as a “possibility.” If it
happens, great! If it doesn’t wait.”1 We should not come to college with dating as a goal
in our minds. This is a more laid back stance on the issue and it is sometimes easier said
1
Moseman, Judy. All Studies and No Fun? Christian College Guide. Vol. 64, p 20-26. Feb. 2006.
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than done for some. However, some people come with the expectations of finding a
relationship. This can add stress to your life, which just adds to the amount you already
have with academics.
In a study done by Rene LaReau entitled, “Elimi-Dated,” it focuses on the casual
date in college versus the serious relationship. It discusses how students that go to
college now want to be more independent after graduation, and so take dating in college
is taking less seriously. "They want to travel and be independent before settling down in
a serious relationship. They know that they want to get married but not right away."2
Another person in the study goes on by saying, “I don't think children mature as fast as
they did in other generations, and they have so many more options. This approach gives
them time to live life." Students don’t like the fact that they might have to commit to a
relationship and by doing so might mean the end of their independence and the end of
doing the things they want to do. So, they instead look for dating more in a casual
setting.
In this study done by LaReau, which was done in Catholic schools, the
administrators of the school proclaim this is fine. Students may worry about the
biological clock ticking and feel that they do not have that much time to find “Mr. Right”.
"We encourage students to take a lighthearted rather than heavyhearted approach to
dating," John says. "And we encourage them to remember that time is not their enemy,"
says one administrator. This goes along with the idea of Moseman from Bethel in that
they both take a casual stance to dating. If it happens, wonderful, but do not have any
expectations to add stress and unneeded worries.
2
LaReau, Renee M., ELIMI-DATED. U.S. Catholic, 00417548, Feb2003, Vol. 68, Issue 2.
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Some school administrators, who are around the students, see the reason of the
marriage age increasing is due to lack of knowledge of a relationship and how to develop
it. "I question how seriously people understand how to develop a sustained relationship,
and I wonder how much quality time they really spend together," Cusick says. "Lots of
them spend a lot of time together, but it's not quality. They can be together sexually, but
it's almost a casual activity." This brings up the casual date versus the serious
relationship, and raises the question of why college students are spending more time with
groups and casual dating/hookups. Another answer may be that students these days just
do not want to commit, but want the benefits from it. They want the pleasures without
putting in the effort to develop the relationship. The same study asked a 25 year old
graduate student living in Minneapolis who offered his observations: "People at this age
think they want to be in a relationship. They want the intimacy, comfort, and closeness,
but they aren't ready to make the sacrifices that go along with it. They still want
flexibility with their time to go out drinking, play golf, and go on crazy road trips."
McIntyre adds, "A lot of people find someone, try dating, and it doesn't work out. They
continue to hook up after that. It happens all the time" (LaReau, 2).
This new but confusing dating system may stem from a number of things, but for
most scholars it starts from the need of independence. More people, especially women in
this generation, have a desire to be independent even after college, to pursue a career,
travel, or just to find themselves. In this transition period it does become confusing in the
college setting. When students have a desire to find someone to be with, they have in the
back of their mind that they do not want to be held down by a serious relationship so
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these to conflicting feelings create confusion in a relationship and begins this new
phenomenon of hookups and lack of courting and dating.
Before we go any further on descriptions to social relationships, we first wanted
to find out what people do on dates. Since we asked our interviewees in our study what
they thought possible first dates included, we wanted to find some scholarly studies on it
first. Through our research, we found many studies referring to dates as nonexistent, that
college students do not date anymore. However, we did find some studies refuting this
notion, as a study done by 221 internships in Washington D.C. found that dates really
were not dead and that though, not flourishing, are still common among young adults.3
The following is a list of empirical data on how many dates people went on and then a list
of what people do on dates.
Table 1: Table describes the number of one-on-one dates during the past academic year in the
Washington D.C area.
Number of one-on-one dates this past academic year:
Zero: 11%
1-3: 26%
4-6: 20%
7-9: 16%
10+: 26%
Table 2: Table illustrates the most common type of college date (activities are given through survey).
Most common type of college date:
3
Washington D.C. Interns. Prim Numbers. Chronicle of Higher Education, 0009598. 8/8/2003. vol. 49,
Issue 48. Academic Search Premier.
11
Dinner and a movie in a theater: 50%
Going to someone's room to watch
Television/movie: 12%
Going out to a bar: 10%
Just hooking up with someone: 10%
Going to a concert: 1%
Going for coffee: 1%
Other or no response: 16%
However, as mentioned before, we did find plenty information and studies for the
idea that in today’s college world, there is no courtship anymore. A study by Loyola
students determined that students now, instead of dating, “interact with members of the
opposite sex in just three ways: hooking up, or having a physical encounter without any
emotional attachment; jumping into a fast-moving, “joined-at-the-hip” relationship; and
hanging out with friends in a casual, mixed-gender group.”4 Is the dating scene over?
This study also reported that students have forgotten how fun it is to date in favor of
those mentioned above. As far as dates, the one-on-one date has changed now into a
mixed group affair. A study by the Sun Times in Chicago reported similar findings.
“Socializing is a team sport. The idea of a man and woman going on a one-on-one date
an age-old courtship ritual aimed at getting to know one another—has become as
anachronistic as Romeo text-messaging Juliet.”5 In our study here at St. Olaf College, we
are expecting to find both instances where some would think that dating is still
4
“National On-Campus Report”. April 15, 2005. vol. 33, number 8, pg. 1-2.
5
“Sex on Campus” special report (www.suntimes.com/special_sections/sex_on_campus).
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customary, but also that dating is being taken over in favor of hooking up or casual mixed
group date.
A study done at Purdue University has found that a relationship might be better
off within a group context. The research explains the importance of you and your
partners’ social network and their overlaps. “Research has demonstrated that the
perceived opinions of one’s own and one’s partner’s social network are associated with a
romantic couple’s feelings of love, satisfaction, and commitment to their relationship
across several time periods (e.g., Sprecher & Felmlee, 1992).”6 The study goes on to say
that each person’s network plays a further role in determining the characteristics of the
relationship. If the networks of both sides overlap at all, the relationship will be
positively reinforced with the support from each side. The reverse also takes effect as
well. If the networks do not overlap much or worse, the network of one side does not
accept the other, turmoil can arise and conflicts are more likely to occur. For this reason,
group “dates” might be considered better off. In this setting, the two individuals
interested in one another do not need to worry about their networks conflicting with their
relationship by not accepting of the other. In today’s world, acceptance has become
extremely important and so social networking and maintaining your friends could
prohibit some students from trying to date.
Switching gears, we were also curious on sexual behavior among St. Olaf College
students. We wanted to find out how important sex is for students in relationships, and
also what it means to them. This topic had much research done on it, as just about every
6
Etcheverry, Paul, E. and Agnew, Christopher R. “Subjective Norms and the Prediction of Romantic
Relationship State and Fate”, Personal Relationships, pg. 11 (2004), 409-428. (United States, Purdue
University).
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study done on college students had some point or idea about sex. One of the most
prevalent theories was that males tend to be more into sex in a relationship. “In keeping
with their more permissive sexual attitudes, men expect to engage in sexual behavior
earlier in a relationship (Byers & Lewis, 1988; Cohen & Shotland, 1996) and are more
likely to expect sex regardless of the physical attractiveness of the partner and in the
absence of emotional closeness (Cohen & Shotland, 1996). Likewise, men desire more
frequent sex than is actually occurring at the time in the relationship in which they are
involved in, particularly in its earlier stages (McCabe, 1987; McCabe & Collins, 1984).”7
In all studies, we found that men typically want sex more frequently and sooner then their
female counterparts. Connecting it with our study, which asks students whether they feel
sex is the same as love and if sex is important in a relationship, it would only seem
logical to assume by the theoretical studies, that males would answer yes more often than
females in the first question and that it possibly would be more important in a
relationship as well.
Methodology
In our particular study we wanted to find and describe the dating atmosphere here
at St. Olaf College. We wanted to find not just what dating was like, but also what
students thought of the dating phenomenon. We were bound to find different
perspectives on such things as what constitutes a date and different dating terminology.
Because our study could not take place over a four-year span, such as tracking students
during their entire college career, we were forced to do a cross-sectional study. To do
7
Hill, Craig A. Gender, Relationship Stage, and Sexual Behavior: The Importance of Partner Emotional
Investment Within Specific Situations. Journal of Sex Research, 00224499, Aug2002, Vol. 39, Issue 3.
14
this, our goal was to obtain a sample that consisted of students in all four classes.
Further, by controlling the study, we were able to sample an even number of men and
women. However we did not get the equality in gender and class that we had hoped for
due to conflicting schedules and lack of participation, so we had to work with what we
have and take into consideration how that might affect our finding.
We decided to get our information in the form of interviews. We believed that
interviews are an easy way for people to open up and share their feelings and opinions as
it puts them on the spot, but does not make them to awkward as it is one-on-one and so
they do not have to worry about anybody else hearing what they have to say like in a
focus group. Also, as the interviewer, we can help control where the dialogue is going
and so it is easier to acquire any and all information dealing with our study. Interviews
also enable the conversation to make turns and go into other directions that can raise
further points and questions that we, as researchers, hadn’t even thought of.
In order to obtain the interviews we sent out advertisements, and also posted a
few flyers up around campus. These flyers explained our study and asked for help in the
form of interviews in order to obtain an accurate description of various dating habits.
Due to lack of responses, we ultimately found people by asking and setting up interviews
by word of mouth. To keep the study controlled, as mentioned above, we tried to make
sure we had close numbers representing each class and gender. Once the interviews were
set up, we explained our study to the person who then agreed with the consent form and
project information statement and continued with the interview, or disagreed and thus
terminated the interview. Once the interview was under way we used our questions we
had come prepared with as guidelines and merely had a conversation that addressed
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issues of our study. If the conversation got a little off topic or the interviewee ran out of
things to say we would go onto the next question on our sheet. Interviews lasted between
twenty minutes and one hour, and most were conducted in the residence halls of the
interviewee, as it was more comfortable for them. Other places interviews took place
were the cage as well as the pause.
Some undesirable circumstances were found when sampling for our study. We
did not obtain the variety in our sample that we would have liked as mentioned above,
which could lead to bias in our results. We also would have like to do a more in depth
study as we could only interview so many in the time that we had. With a larger sample
size, our findings would possibly give us amore accurate description of what is going on
at St. Olaf today. Finally, one problem we foresaw coming into the study, was that our
questions covered some sensitive subjects and so students may have felt awkward and
intimidated to give a true answer to how they felt. If this was the case, our findings will
have some form of bias.
Findings
Descriptive Data
The group of people interviewed was composed of roughly equal numbers of
males and females in their junior or senior year at St. Olaf College. The majority
(approximately 75%) of those interviewed defined themselves as currently dating or in
some type of exclusive relationship. Also, all of those relationships were with another
student or alumni that they had met while in school at St. Olaf College.
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Many people described quite similar characteristics of what should constitute a first
date at St. Olaf College. Everyone interviewed put a lot of emphasis on the requirement
that to be an actual “date,” it should be exclusive in order to avoid situations of
ambiguity. Many people maintained old-fashioned ideals by expressing expectations that
the male should more often be the pursuer and, in that way, should be the one to instigate
this first meeting. Also, if the date involves going out or paying for anything, most
people considered it the male’s obligation to pay for both himself and his date. About
half of the subjects also articulated that the date is more “real” if it takes place off campus
away from the St. Olaf context.
When asked what aspects about the structure of St. Olaf that would discourage
people from deciding to date, subjects unanimously alluded to the extremely “small” size
of the school. Many people said that they felt extreme potential for awkward situations
when dating in such a small community where most people are familiar with each other.
Some stated that it felt as if people are watching each and every move in the beginning
stages of a relationship and that privacy is something they would all like to have more of
when starting to date someone. This proves to be quite difficult when social networks are
so overlapping and intertwined. The actual size was talked about again in terms of
limited options in prospective dating. Comparisons were made with larger colleges in the
idea that a person can go for four years and the individual would be meeting new dating
possibilities the entire time. At St. Olaf College, the trend seems to be that students are
either dating exclusively in their senior year, or they have decided they do not want to
date at St. Olaf at all. This seems to stem from the feeling that by the time students reach
their last year they feel as if all of their options are already exhausted.
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Another interesting aspect that discourages St. Olaf dating was the consequences
that may arise if a “break-up” were to take place. Due to the size of the school, couples
end up establishing the same social networks with mutual friends. Break-ups can be
especially painful when friends feel loyal to both in the ended relationship. Subjects also
talked about the inevitability of running into your ex on campus which can make it
extremely difficult to “move on” or begin a new life without them in it. Even worse was
when subjects described the overall awkwardness of running into an ex when one of you
is with a new dating prospect. One subject says, “[In] such close quarters there is a large
chance that feelings and reactions will be exaggerated and dramatic. It’s totally natural to
feel hurt when you see an ex with someone new, the difference between here and a larger
school is that you come into contact with them much more often.”
Strangely enough, the same factors that discouraged people from wanting to date
at St. Olaf College seemed to be the ones that were presented when subjects were asked
what would encourage them to date at St. Olaf. Many said that the small size of the
campus, although it can be disruptive in the beginning of a relationship, is really
conducive to helping students feel comfortable while dating at St. Olaf. Most people
stated that the majority of students act on their best behavior because people are held
“accountable” for their actions. One subject made the point that, “St. Olaf may be a
horrible place to date, but it is a really great place to have a relationship.” The fact is that
most students live on campus and eat in the same building makes having a relationship
really accessible. Another subject stated, “St. Olaf promotes a feeling of closeness and
solidarity in all kinds of relationships.” At St. Olaf it is quite possible that you may even
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live in the same building as your significant other, which is something that is very
unlikely to happen in a larger state school.
Also mentioned was the overall attractiveness and appeal of the students. “People
often have similar values and come from the same kind of background. This makes it
easy to find someone you are compatible with.” Since St. Olaf College is rigorous
academically, it seems as if it does engage people with similar orientations and goals for
the future. Many people also mentioned that, physically, St. Olaf students are very
attractive and that it is always very easy to find someone you are attracted to based on
appearance.
When asked on a scale from 1 to 10 (1 being not important and 10 being
extremely important) about how important having a romantic relationship is to them
during their time at St. Olaf, responses ranged anywhere from 4 to 7. These results alone
did not seem to say much about the values held by our subjects until we were able to
compare them to then next question on our survey. This follow-up question asked
subjects on a scale from 1 to 10 (1 being not important and 10 being extremely important)
how important being involved in a romantic relationship will be to them once they
graduate from St. Olaf. These numbers were noticeably higher in respect to importance
of a relationship after graduation than those concerning the same issue on campus.
Subjects were then asked whether they perceived a change in the present amount
of pressure put on students to find a spouse while at St. Olaf compared to their perception
of earlier generations. Everyone interviewed agreed that from what they have heard
about St. Olaf College, pressure for students to attend college with the expectation of
finding a spouse has decreased. Many people gave examples of family members or
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family friends who ended up getting married after they met at St. Olaf. One subject
spoke about their own parents who attended St. Olaf College: “[On] their first night at St.
Olaf, my parents were lined up by height in two lines with boys facing the girls. They
were then told the person across from them would be their “date” for the night. I guess it
worked because my parents were paired up with each other.” Other various rituals St.
Olaf College has been known for in the past were brought up and most subjects seemed
to think many of these rituals no longer exist on campus. Still some rituals do seem to
persist such as floor “screws” where a freshman boy’s floor spends a night out with a
freshman girl’s floor to encourage community. Another interesting point brought up by a
student described the dating atmosphere now at college as, “Today’s college is
yesterday’s high school.” He meant that in the past, college was the last time people
would be in an institution such as college, where finding a spouse is common. However,
in today’s lifestyle, a lot of people, especially which go to St. Olaf, have the desire to
further their education and go to grad school. So because of this, they decide they will
worry about finding a spouse then.
Next subjects were asked to describe the various dating “stages” they perceived
exist when starting a relationship at St. Olaf. Overall, most people described the first
stage being an introduction or casual friendship between the two parties. The second
stage seemed to be what many people called “hanging out”. This hanging-out period
could involve other people in the earlier stages, but most said that it should quickly
evolve to time spent between only the two people. Stages involved an “actual” date,
which requires the acknowledgement of both people and this was quickly connected to
the relationship having a physical element added to it. Subjects described another step in
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which friends and acquaintances begin to ask about the status of the relationship. This
seems to create the need for the two people to create a label for their relationship, where
this often leads to the couples defining themselves as “together” or “going-out”.
When asked if sex was an important aspect in a relationship, there seemed to be
three main categories in which the subject’s responses fell. The first category involved
subjects who essentially stated that sex was crucial to a relationship and that if you are
not compatible sexually, your relationship will not be as strong as a result. Another
category was full of people stating that sex could very well be important in a relationship,
but that they would be fine with not having it if either they or their partner was not
comfortable with the idea. The last category contained people who, for either moral or
religious reasons, where planning on not having sex until marriage.
The last question asked of our subjects was whether or not they felt that love and
sex always come together. Many people took this question to be about other people’s
relationships and quickly responded “no”. One subject stated, “Obviously many people
at this school don’t have a problem taking one and not the other.” Subjects were often
careful not to associate themselves personally, which this sort of behavior and, as a result,
many of them said that they would personally prefer love and sex to come together.
Another interesting idea was brought up when some of the subjects argued that
sometimes it is important for one aspect to come first in order to define how you feel
about the other. “For me, if I find myself to be compatible with someone sexually there
is usually a good chance that this will lead down the road to love.”
Analysis
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The first question we asked in the interviews was to obtain a description of what
they believe constitutes as a first date. The answers we got both conflicted and supported
our literature study. Even though studies have found that trends for dating include large
mixed groups where couples may hang out, this did not pertain to what our interviewees
told us. All agreed that a date consists of a one-on-one date where they are alone and can
spend quality time together to get to know one another. Although dating may be
decreasing here at St. Olaf, the idea of what a date consists of has not changed along with
the national other schools.
Analyzing more into this topic we found that on college campus’s students on
average feel that dating is more real or feels more real if the date is off-campus. Students
feel they need to get away from campus, and join the real world to get that real feel.
However, this also did not go along with what St. Olaf students felt. Answers to this
question portrayed an acknowledgement that a date can be considered a date even if it is
on campus. The Students commonly stated that people go to dates at the cafeteria here on
campus, the cage, the pause, or any number of places or sights right here at St. Olaf
proving that students can also stay on campus with a date, and still consider it a date.
Because St. Olaf is a unique campus with a number of things to do may explain why
students feel this way. Because not many people have cars here at St. Olaf may also
explain why people tend to stay on campus for dates and why they feel that it can be
considered a date. Furthermore, because the lack of things to do near St. Olaf, but off-
campus, as many students claimed, they had no desire to leave campus as even if they
could leave there would not be anything to do. So these ideas support the belief that St.
Olaf students feel dates on-campus are as real as dates off-campus.
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The second question we asked the students was the ways in which you feel
discouraged to date at St. Olaf. Some responses to the question were that the lack of
privacy discouraged them to date. This response was interesting because it goes against
the theoretical studies done on contemporary dating. According to article from the Sun
Times, which explains how students have turned dating into a team sport, there is no one-
on-one date anymore. This contradicts what is happening here at St. Olaf. If this were the
case, students would not be complaining about the lack of privacy because they would
not want any.
A further point that was discussed in the interviews describing how dating is
discouraged here at St. Olaf College is the fact that there are really only two levels of
dating. You are either in a serious exclusive relationship or you do not date at all.
Students do not like this lack of variety in choices to date because they might want to
date, but also they might not want to start a serious exclusive relationship because that is
the only alternative. This phenomenon that is going on does agree with the studies that
we found, such as the study done by Loyola students. Although their polar opposites were
defined from hooking-up to joined-at-the-hip, they roughly translate to the same thing.
Either you are joined at the hip and in a serious relationship, or you just hook-up with
random people without any emotional ties. In both cases they do not leave any room for
alternative dating reasons, and so possibly intimidate people from trying to date in casual
sense.
A follow up question to the discouraging factors to date, was encouraging factors
to date. As discussed in the findings portion of the paper, students brought up the fact that
they find it easy to find people here that share the same ideals and similar background,
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and so are easily attracted to them. This can be explained by the article written by
Etcheverry and Agnew and discussed in the literature study, which talked about how
social networks of the couple play a role in the relationship. One of the points brought up
was if each person in the couple had their social network accepting of their boyfriend or
girlfriend it would have positive effects on their relationship. Taking this theory back to
the question at hand we can see that if the couple has similar ideals chances are they will
have friends with similar ideals which will enable them to get along with not only each
other, but each others friends. In turn, this will create a positive outlook of each person in
the relationship from the other person’s social network and strengthen their relationship
by providing support and primarily just accepting. This also can have a reverse affect on
a relationship if the individuals in the relationship have different types of social networks.
This can cause negative outlooks to the new person and cause conflict in the relationship.
The next two questions we asked go together. The question was how important
dating was to students in college, and also after college. As discussed in the findings
there was a lower score for the importance of dating during college than dating after
college. This brings up and supports theoretical studies that were discussed in the
literature review. For example, the article written by LaReau talks about how students
these days do not want to be tied down in college or right after college, because there are
too many other things they want to do that might be jeopardized by a serious relationship,
such as pursuing a career or travel. This agrees with the results that we found saying that
students feel dating is less important during college. In other words, St. Olaf students
think about other things such as pursuing a career or travel, and decide that getting into a
serious relationship, is not what they want. This study can further explain the answers we
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received on thoughts of pressure of finding a spouse during the college years. Most
people we interviewed acknowledged that the pressure of finding a spouse has changed
over the years. This is primarily due to again what LaReau was explaining in her article,
of people want to pursue other things initially in their life, and wait to be in a serious
relationship. Students realize that they, as well as other students feel this way and so
choose to stay away from the thought of finding a spouse at college. They live the life
according to Moseman that if it happens, great, but if not, that’s fine too.
Our final two questions pertaining to students’ feelings on sex and its
importance in the relationship went against our findings in the literature study. The
literature study explained how males tend to view sex as more important in the
relationship, and feel that you do need it to be successful. Also males were seen as to feel
that sex is needed sooner than females. However, in our findings, our interviewees both
male and female had similar beliefs about sex and the role it plays in a relationship. This
question may have produced the most bias results because it may have been a sensitive
topic that students might not have given a true account.
Summary and Conclusions
Our study not only allowed us to better understand the dating habits of St. Olaf
College students, it also shed light on the attitudes young adults in today’s society have in
relation to dating and marriage in general. Many of our findings at St. Olaf College seem
to be important in that they help to illustrate an overall trend in American society that
allows these young adults to delay finding a relationship that will hopefully lead to
marriage. As mentioned in our findings, students seem to view today’s college
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experience as similar to how high school was perceived in the past. This is because a
whole new dating arena has evolved due to social changes such as the increase in
enrollment in graduate schools or other types of higher education. Time spent in college
can easily be seen as somewhat of a trial run for students because the opportunities
available in terms of finding a mate after graduation are so plentiful. Our findings also
highlight certain shifts in gender expectations. Female interviewees stating that a
relationship is rarely at the top of their list of priorities gives us evidence that the pressure
women feel in today’s society to be dependent on a man has greatly decreased.
Compared to the St. Olaf female body in the past, today’s St. Olaf women seem to feel a
greater freedom to focus on things such as their career, friends, and personal aspirations
instead of being confronted with the expectation that they are partly at St. Olaf College to
find a spouse.
In the future, there are many different possibilities in which the research that was
conducted about the dating phenomena at St. Olaf College could be used in further
ethnographical research or any other practical means of interpreting dating in any social
setting, especially the college environment. One possibility may stem from the use of our
research to other dating research in similar college settings that is conducive to the
environment present at St. Olaf, such as a strong school and religious affiliation
(E.L.C.A), ties to historical background (ethnic heritages, such as Norwegian traditions)
or traditions manifested through the community of the school itself. For example, this
type of research would pertain closely to the college setting that of Wheaton College, in
Wheaton, Illinois, where both schools share similar qualities in religious background and
connection of faith to the school itself.
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Other than the findings of the dating process itself and what constitutes a
relationship on the college setting, the findings of our research also include ideas and
insights to the gender roles present at St. Olaf College. The role of women at St. Olaf
College has changed dramatically over the past decades. Women who are enrolled at St.
Olaf no longer hold themselves to standards and traditions that were common practice in
the “golden days,” such as job and employment futures and appearance. However,
traditions of dating, such as the superiority of men over women in certain situations
during the dating process, such as paying for meals and courtesy traditions are still in use
and practiced in today’s setting.
In the phenomenon of dating at St. Olaf College, the research to investigate the
process of dating itself was long and strenuous. However, more can always be done. In
addition to the research that was already found through our interviews and literature
review of other scholarly articles, our group missed an important facet in today’s world
of relationships. In addition, we wish to have had an opportunity to explore the world of
homosexual and gay relationships and to investigate the process of their own dating lives.
From this, we might have had the prospect of seeing how similar (or dissimilar) the
process of dating is for other sexual orientations.
In addition, the framework of our research was constricted by the lack of time and
man-power. From this, we also wish we had the opportunity and the time to follow
students for a longer period of time throughout their college career and maybe into the
future when they are involved in other types of relationships, such as marriage.
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Ultimately, with the time given to us and the ability of ourselves, the research that
was conducted and the findings that we have concluded on are insightful and bring the
portrait of dating at St. Olaf College to the forefront.
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Hill, Craig A. Gender, Relationship Stage, and Sexual Behavior: The Importance of
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LaReau, Renee M., ELIMI-DATED. U.S. Catholic, 00417548, Feb2003, Vol. 68, Issue 2.
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8/8/2003. vol. 49, Issue 48. Academic Search Premier.
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