Praise and Encouragement
vs
Criticism
Understanding how our interaction
with others ranges from inviting
them to give away their personal
power to empowering them to use it.
Objective:
To identify actions that invite others
not to use their personal power.
To identify actions that invite others to
use their personal power.
To practice distinguishing between
praise and encouragement and
increase understanding of empowering
others.
“Empowering other people means to
invite them to use their own personal
power rather than trying to use your
personal power to get them to do
something.”
Types of Interactions
When you send invitations to someone
you can usually categorize your
interactions as one of three types:
Criticizing
Appreciating
Empowering.”
There are some interactions that don’t
fit into one of the three categories.
Criticizing
This is the least helpful of the three.
One type of criticism is when someone
points out errors or mistakes that you’ve
made. Another type is when someone gives
you a put-down. When you say something to
someone or when someone says something
to you about how a task was done, what type
of things are usually pointed out?
Negative Points.
Criticizing (continued)
People usually point out what was wrong, what was
done incorrectly, left out, etc. The reason people do
this is to help the other person do it better next time,
so they can grow and develop and get better at
doing whatever it was they were doing. However,
focusing on the negative is not very effective.
Research shows that pointing out what someone did
wrong does not help them grow. When you point
out what someone did wrong, what usually happens
is they do one or more of the following five things.
Pointing out what’s wrong, could cause:
1. PEOPLE TO STOP LISTENING. People don’t like to hear negative
things about themselves or their work so they tune you out.
2. PEOPLE TO REACT DEFENSIVELY. They feel they are being attacked
so they begin to make excuses to justify what they did. They focus on
defending what they did instead of concentrating on improving.
3. A DECREASE IN EFFORT ON THE TASK. Their motivation to do the
task is lessened. They feel they are being criticized, and they don’t
want to do anything that’s going to bring them more negative input,
so they either do less of it or stop doing it at all.
4. PEOPLE TO SEE THEIR WORK AS FUTILE. They perceive that they
have worked hard, so then when someone points out mistakes they
feel their efforts were for nothing. They begin to see themselves as
powerless, so they give up.
5. PEOPLE TO WANT TO GET BACK AT YOU. They feel they’ve been
hurt and they want to hurt back.
So the drawback of pointing out what someone did wrong is
that it actually invites them to feel powerless, to give up, and to
lose. Does pointing out errors or giving put-downs invite
others to focus on the positive? (no)
There is another aspect of how giving criticism or put-downs to
others is not being responsible to them. When you criticize
someone, who picked out the behavior to action to evaluate?
(you)
Does that invite the other person to use their personal power?
(no, it takes it away, you are in control, not them)
If you judge their accomplishment and put a negative value on
it with your criticism, who is doing the evaluating? (you are)
Does that invite the other person to use their power to evaluate
their accomplishment? (no)
Under both the errors and put-downs on your chart,
write: YOU pick out behavior and YOU evaluate it.
Both of these put you in control and invite the other
person not to use their personal power. Is criticizing
someone an effective way to exercise responsibility
to someone? (no)
What are the two reasons why not?”
It invites them to focus on the negative.
It takes their personal power away.
We all get criticism from those who haven’t yet
learned how to be effective in exercising their
responsibility TO others.
Tomorrow we will discuss Appreciating and
Empowering others.