Relationships
Relationships provide an opportunity to satisfy core social motives
To be successful, we must find ways to enter into,
and maintain „productive‟ relationships
We need social connections for social rewards, social status,
and social comparisons
We want to be able to establish those connections that serve us
best, help us know better, get resources, feel good
Relationships
Dimensions of Relationships - differ in terms of goals and expectations
continua, not dichotomy
short – long term: consider future outcomes, implications, or only immediate
intrinsic – extrinsic: for relationship‟s sake, or as a means to an end
intimate – non-intimate: feel strong connection, concern for other, sharing or not
sexual – nonsexual: physical attraction, reproduction driven
chosen – imposed: friends vs. family, coworkers, classmates
Focus on development and maintenance of long-term, intrinsic, intimate, chosen,
sexual and nonsexual
Relationships
Relationships are based on Attraction, the Evaluation (Attitude) based
on a person schema that has been developed
Three component perspective
affective
cognitive
behavioral
Research has focused on how and why a person would become
associated with positive experiences
Building the positive evaluation for the attitude
Relationships
Cognitive
Sternberg – Triangular Model of Love
Cognitive
I am able to count on __________ in times of need.
I communicate well with ___________.
I feel that _________ really understands me.
Affective
Just seeing ________ excites me.
I find ________ to be very personally attractive.
I especially like physical contact with ______.
Behavioral Behavioral
I cannot imagine ending my relationship with ____.
Affective
I view my relationship with ___ as a good decision.
I feel a sense of responsibility toward ________.
One component only
Liking – regular early stage friendship - some intimacy, but no passion or commitment
Infatuation – puppy love, passion without commitment or intimacy
Empty love – commitment only, stagnant, empty shell marriage
Two Components
Romantic love – passion and intimacy, but before a real commitment
Fatuous love – love at first sight – feel instant heat and commitment, before any actual intimacy
Companionate love – closeness, commitment, without passion – old friends, passionless marriage
Three Components
Consummate love – has it all – adult love relationships, and perhaps some parent child
Relationships
Measurement Issues and Techniques
Simple Global Evaluations
Specific Attraction Self Report Scales
Relationships
Measurement Issues and Techniques
Simple Global Evaluations
Specific Attraction Self Report Scales
Indirect Assessments
Nonreactive Indicators
distance – personal space – Byrne, Ervin, Lamberth
eye contact – Argyle
inclination - Mehrabian
Relationships
Stages in Development of Personal Relationships
First Contacts – Identifying Options and Overcoming the Fear of Strangers
Proximity – options may be limited by circumstances
tend to develop relationships with those available
liked and disliked often close
Repeated Exposure -
in absence of negative, more is better
Emotional State
affect transfer and simple association
Relationships
Stages in Development of Personal Relationships
Becoming Acquainted – first move
Need for Affiliation - state and trait differences
Physical Appearance
Familiarity
fixed
variable
Appearance stereotypes
Initial attributions, inferences, assumptions
Relationships
Stages in Development of Personal Relationships
Becoming Interdependent
Perceived Stable Qualities of Value
Similarity of Attitudes and Interests
Self disclosure – building the cognitive base, showing trust
Intimacy – establishing closeness, mutual support
Reciprocity
Relationships
Models to Explain the Impact – why variables affect Evaluation
Evolutionary Model
Attachment Model
Narrative Model/Relationship Schema
Relationships
Models to Explain the Impact
Evolutionary Model – sexual selection for „genetic‟ survival
Intrasexual competition to beat same sex others-
opportunity for access
Intersexual competition to attract opposite sex-
actual access
Qualities and preferences co-evolve
Parental Investment influences which sex guides process
Both sexes want „good genes‟
men „prefer‟ sexual variety
women „prefer‟ resource provision
Relationships
Evolutionary Model – sexual selection for „genetic‟ survival
Evidence for „Social Value” of attractiveness
Sigall & Landy, 1973 - impact on perception of men
Kernis & Wheeler, 1981 – impact in Same Sex pairs
BarTal & Saxe, 1976 – impact on perception of
women
Hebl & Mannix, 2003 – impact of weight associations
Relationships
Evolutionary Model – sexual selection for „genetic‟ survival
Pheromones: http://www.pherlure.com/
Selecting for immune response
Cyclical preferences for men:
Cyclical changes in lap dancers‟ tips:
Cyclical changes in female dress style:
Brain activity and „love‟:
Relationships
Evolutionary Model – sexual selection for „genetic‟ survival
Possible sources of relationship failures
Interference in messages available
Women‟s Trade-off in preferences
Difficulties in „explaining‟ attraction
Relationships
Attachment Model (Bowlby, 1969,1973)
Two Underlying “Working Models” of relationships –
will likely influence the quality of your experiences with others,
and their responses to you
Initial Models developed by observing infants, so difficult to
identify all possibilities
AVOIDANCE ANXIETY
internal model of other internal model of self
Negative (high) - Positive (low) Negative (high) - Positive (low)
Relationships
Attachment Model
ANXIETY
internal model of self
Negative (high) Positive (low)
Negative (high) fearful dismissing
(avoidant) (new avoidant)
AVOIDANCE
internal model of other
Positive (low) preoccupied secure
(anxious/
ambivalent)
Relationships
Attachment Model
Desirable Stable traits may appear less clear in insecure
Responses to behaviors designed to increase interdependence
Disclosure
Intimacy
Reciprocity
Messages sent and received could depend on Working Models
Relationships
Attachment Model
Stability of Attachment Models over time
Impact on Relationships
Relationships
Narrative/Schema Model
Stories are the scripts (event schemas) that we bring to our
interactions
can apply to any type of relationship
Based on our Relationship experiences (direct or indirect),
with elements due to
Evolution, Attachment, Experience
They are likely subject to revision, but may be somewhat
resistant, we prefer to confirm, rather than alter
Satisfaction may depend on events fitting the narrative
From Sternberg, Hojjat, &
Barnes, 2001
Relationships
Narrative/Schema Model
Similarity of stories and satisfaction
Stories for other relationships
Friendship stories
Work stories
Family stories
Relationships
Evaluating Relationships - Relationship Maintenance
General Guidelines
Fairness - external comparisons and standards
Greed
Equality
Equity
Needs
When would each be appropriate?
Apply differently in Exchange vs. Communal
Relationships and on different issues
Expectations are enforced by „group‟
Relationships
Evaluating Relationships - Relationship Maintenance
Personal Guidelines - internal standards and comparisons
Comparison Level – satisfaction
based on past experiences
Comparison Level for Alternatives (Clalt) – commitment
based on perceived potential experiences
Relationships
Evaluating Relationships - Relationship Maintenance
Investment Model of Relationships (Rusbult, 1983)
Fairness
Relationships
Evaluating Relationships – Life in the Committed Relationship
Integrating Information and Forming an Impression –
Overcoming the Early Biases
Confronting the Reality of the Other
Commitment and Consistency
Process of Dealing with the Threatening Information
Postulates of Story Telling
Conclusion Drivenness – conclusions govern story elements
Poetic License – interpret to mask negativity
Least Effort – ignore early bad news, later may need effortful
contruals
Relationships
Evaluating Relationships – Life in the Committed Relationship
Strategies - Techniques for Maintaining Narrative Integrity
(more obvious in others than in self)
Negativity and Situational Tagging – deny the disposition
Reconstrual of Negativity – find virtue in the fault; re-label
Re-fencing Faults – change importance
Compensation – affirmation of other qualities
Relationships
Evaluating Relationships – Life in the Committed Relationship
Strategies - Techniques for Maintaining Narrative Integrity
(more obvious in others than in self)
Negativity and Situational Tagging – deny the disposition
blame the situation
Reconstrual of Negativity – find virtue in the fault; re-label
Re-fencing Faults – change importance to reduce impact
Compensation – affirmation of other qualities
Relationships
Evaluating Relationships – Life in the Committed Relationship
Resultant Outcome
Idealization of the Other - Murray, Holmes & Griffin (1996)
As you encounter the faults, strive to maintain
confidence in relationship
Other may become more a “construction” of yours,
than a reality
Relationships
Evaluating Relationships – Life in the Committed Relationship
Idealization of the Other - Miller, Niehuis & Huston (2006)
Longitudinal study (13 years) of early idealization (n = 108)
married 2 months – daily (9 days) diary reports of
agreeable/disagreeable behaviors
Interviews – rated partner on agreeableness (7 qualities)
Idealize when Ratings more positive than Behaviors
Marital love – idealize early, less likely to decline
Relationships
Evaluating Relationships – Life in the Committed Relationship
Knowing how your partner feels – Kenny & Acitelli (2001)
Self
Self – as the center of the personal psychological universe
Imposed
Chosen Imposed
Chosen
Chosen
Chosen SELF
Imposed
Chosen
Imposed
Chosen Imposed
Surrounded by others
Chosen are those „attracted‟ into relationships
Imposed are those who are part of one‟s life due to circumstances
“Membership” constantly changing
some short-term, others long-term
` some situation specific, some more global presence
some highly relevant to self, others nearly irrelevant to self
Self
What are the abilities/skills that would be ideal to be a successful self?
Core Social Motives
Need to Belong – form meaningful relationships
Need for Understanding – shared meaning and prediction
Need for Control – see contingencies between behaviors
and outcomes
Need to Self enhance – see self as worthy
Need for Trust – have others you can depend on for help
Self
What are the abilities/skills that would be ideal to be a successful self?
identify motives and stable qualities in others and in contexts
obtain valid information about self – from observing self and interpreting
other‟s responses
engage in accurate self analysis – interpret information and integrate
engage in self regulation – monitor progress toward goals, avoid failures
engage in self presentation – balance self expression with social
appearance, avoid embarrassment
engage in other deception – attract others in order to gain benefits,
ingratiate
engage in self deception – avoid or minimize self doubt and negative self
feelings; regrets, shame, guilt, failure
Self
Elements of Self are like Attitude about Self {Self Evaluation}
Self Esteem - affective, feelings/emotions associated with
self
Self Concept – cognitive, beliefs/information about self
Behavioral – behavioral intentions, self efficacy, competence
Self
Self Concept
Phenomenal (Working) Self Concept
Guides
Ideal self
Ought self
Self Concept
self schema self schema self schema self schema
(Attachment Working Models)
self schema self schema self schema self schema self schema self schema self schema self schema
student best friend soccer player sibling partner party animal activist red sox fan
Self
Finding Out About Self - developing self concept
self attribution processes - interpretation of own
behaviors in contexts
reflected appraisal - interpretations of others‟ responses
self disclosure - reactions to revelations
social comparison processes
Self
Dilemma of Seeking Self Understanding
Self Evaluation vs. Self Presentation
Truth - an accurate, objective assessment of
qualities/abilities
Positive - a favorable, selective assessment that is
focused on the positive qualities
Self
Social Comparison Processes – Festinger
Seeking Understanding
Physical Reality
Social Reality
Self
Social Comparison Processes -
Multiple Goals can be met through comparison
self appraisal - accuracy for understanding and
planning improvement
self verification - confirm, consistency – increase
confidence
self enhancement - achieve positive sense of self –
deal with threats to self
Self
Implications of Emphasis on Self (Blessing & Curse)
Spotlight Effects
Always Getting Better
Self
Self Esteem – feelings and emotions about the self
assumed to be derived from the
direct experiences of success/failure (competencies)
self concept contents and consistency
Given the “attitude” model being considered, recent
controversies reflect the same issues about global
versus specific attitudes and single versus dual attitudes
Self
Changing views of Self Esteem
Swann, Chang-Schneider, & McClarty (2007)
Suggests „self view‟ as reflecting affective and cognitive
elements
Self views can vary in strength, certainty, importance,
clarity, accessibility, stability (like attitudes)
Self views are specific to narrow areas of self concept,
and are predictive of behaviors in that area
Self
Changing views of Self Esteem
Crocker & Wolfe (2001) – Contingencies of Self Worth
Based on James (1890) assumed that:
Self esteem as a stable global evaluation
Self esteem as a variable response to events
Variations in reported self esteem will be greater when
events occur that are relevant to areas of self worth
Self
Crocker, Luhtanen, Cooper, & Bouvrette (2003)
Developed scale for use with college students – 7 common areas of self worth
External
approval from others – how believe others in general approve of and accept
self
appearance – physical appearance
competition – being able to outperform others
academic competence – instance of general category “competencies‟ – this
for students
family support – approval and love from family
virtue – moral adequacy, adherence to a moral code
God‟s love – one is loved, valued in God‟s eyes
Internal
Self
Research on Contingencies of Self Worth
Crocker, Luhtanen, Cooper & Bouvrette (2001, unpublished) -
context effects
Crocker & Wolfe (2001) – applicants to graduate school
Luhtanen & Crocker (2005) – alcohol use
Sargent, Crocker, & Luhtanen (2006) - depression
Self
Self Evaluation Maintenance – Tesser (1988)
Surviving and Thriving “forced” social comparisons
Comparisons with others increase with closeness
- assumed or perceived psychological similarity
Consequences of comparisons depend on relevance
- is the quality important to your self identity
Outcome of comparisons, when other is superior
- reflection
- comparison
Self
Self Evaluation Maintenance – Tesser
Parent-Child relationships
A Friend as your Worst Enemy
Negotiating one‟s Identity
Interacting with your Partner
Self Regulation and Control
Executive Function of Self – assess self and self goals, make choices,
direction behaviors toward those goals, avoid distractions
Self Regulation and Control – bringing behavior, thoughts, emotions
into line with desired outcomes – requires monitoring and
resisting alternatives, keeping focus
Self Regulation uses resources, and these can be depleted
- appears to function like a „muscle‟
- weakens when depleted
- must recover after use
- can be strengthened with „exercise‟
Self Regulation and Control
Executive Function of Self – assess self and self goals, make choices,
direction behaviors toward those goals, avoid distractions
Self Regulation and Control –
Stable differences – some people have stronger muscle
Transient States – recent use leads to potential short term deficits
Self Regulation and Control
Executive Function of Self – assess self and self goals, make choices,
direction behaviors toward those goals, avoid distractions
Self Regulation and Control –
Transient States – recent use leads to potential short term deficits
Exercise of self regulation produces generalized „strength‟
Glucose replacement can provide replenishment in the short-term