TRUE FUNNY STORIES
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison
control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants .I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there
would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.She calmed down, and at the
end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter in to
the emergency room right away.
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Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the field decided to steal a life raft
from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.
When they took it for a float on the River, they were quite surprised by a Coast Guard
helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the
emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer
employed there.
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I worked for a while at a Wal-Mart store, selling sporting goods. As an employee of
Wal-Mart you are sometimes required to make store-wide pages, e.g., "I have a
customer in hardware who needs assistance at the paint counter."
One night a tentative female voice came over the intercom system with the (I kid you
not) following message: "I have a customer by the balls in toys who needs
assistance."
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A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching for speeders.But one day,
everyone was under the speed limit, the officer found the problem:a 10 year old boy
was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said
"RADAR TRAP AHEAD." A little more investigative work led the officer to the
boy's accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign
reading, "TIPS" and a bucket at his feet, full of change.
譯文
我是一個醫學院的學生，目前正在毒物控制中心值班。今天，有個婦人打電
話給我，因為他撞見她的小女兒正在吃螞蟻，我趕緊向她保證，螞蟻不是有害的，
應該不需要帶她女兒去醫院。她冷靜下來了，在談話的最後提到，她為了要殺螞
蟻給她女兒吃一些螞蟻藥，我告訴她，最好立刻帶她女兒去急診室。
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，
發生在多年前 有一些在飛機場的波音客機員工決定偷一架 747 上的橡皮製
救生艇，他們成功將拿出機場並且帶回家，當他們將救生艇在河上泛舟時，他們
十分驚訝，海岸巡防直升機往他的方向過來，結果發現，直升機會來是救生艇充
氣後緊急探測器被啓動，這些人也就沒了工作。
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我在 Wal-Mart 賣場工作一段時間了，賣的是運動商品，身為一個 Wal-Mart
的員工，有時候需要去做全店廣播，例如：有一個在五金部漆料櫃檯需要幫助的
客戶…等，有一天晚上一個測試性的女性聲音，從遠方傳來下面訊息(我沒開玩
玩笑)：我有一個客戶在玩具部門的球旁邊需要幫助。
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有一個警官有一個監看超速者完美的地點，但有一天，大家都在速限內，這
個警官發現有個問題，一個十歲的男孩站馬路邊，一個大的手繪警語寫著”前有
測速照像”。這個警官多了些調查的工作，發現男孩的同黨，其他男孩在測速照
像再往前走 100 碼有一個寫著賞錢的標語，而且有裝滿零錢的桶子在他的腳旁
邊。
關鍵字詞
1. rotation 輪班
2. toxicology 毒物學;毒理學
3. reassure 向...再保證
4. life raft 橡皮製救生艇
6. locator 電波探測器
7. activate 使活動起來
9. assistance 援助,幫助
10. tentative 試驗性的
11.intercom 內部通話裝置
11. trap 陷阱,羅網,捕捉器
12. investigative 調查的
13. accomplice 共犯,同謀,幫兇
14. bucket 水桶,提桶,吊桶
15.Beyond 在更遠處;往更遠處;再往後
美語特徵
1. Toxicology
非重音母音 化
特殊字尾重音
2. Activate e 字結尾母音為長音
3. Inflate e 字結尾母音為長音
4. Officer O 短重母音 ā 化
文化意涵
1. rotation 輪值
美國醫學院學生有輪值的規定
2. balls【口】睪丸
在這篇文章中將 balls 隱喻為男性生殖器官
3. toys 情趣用品
4. I have a customer by the balls in toys who needs assistance
雖然表面上的解釋是 「我有一個客戶在玩具部門的球旁邊需要幫助」可是確
有另一種隱喻是這個人在情趣用品店的男性生殖器官旁
5.radar trap 美國測速照像文化