Jenny Clark
FYS-126g-S11
Prof. T. Chocos
May 5th, 2011
Good Father- Bad Father
Funny in Farsi, is a memoir of a woman growing up Iranian in America. The book is a
recollection of essays written by first time author Firoozeh Dumas in which she shares her life
and her family experiences as new Iranian immigrants to the United States. Throughout the
book Dumas’s father appears as one of the leading characters of the story. Her father’s resilience,
optimism and the desire to offered his family the best life and opportunities, were an inspiration
and a positive influence in Firoozeh’s life. After reading this memoir I felt compelled to write
about fathers being a positively or negatively influence and how it impacts one’s life.
Society always assigned greater importance to the role of mothers in the upbringing of
children. Mothers are the first to nurture children and by tradition they’re left with the
responsibility of not only to nurture their children but to care for them in the whole sense of the
word; and that means physically, mentally and emotionally. Mothers also tend to dominate the
education of children, which is significant. However, it is imperative not to underestimate the
importance of the male model that any child should have in their life. The role of a father is
essential for the child’s psychological, emotional, and social development.
It is essential, both in the boys as in girl’s lives to have the presence of an adult man -
with an active and positive role - at home, particularly because that is where children start to
explore their own identity, and the father is the only one that can balance the table usually
dominated by the mother. When fathers play an active and positive role in the life of the child,
children are then prompt to have better defined identities, greater abilities to socialize with others
and better self assurance; it also provides the child a male role model to follow. For example, in
the case of Firoozeh she grew up with both parents, her father (Kazem) was however, the head of
household; the provider and decision maker, a man of principles and values who utilized his
wisdom, experience and education to raise Firoozeh and her brothers. Kazem had his father as a
role model –his father instilled the values and morals of honesty, loyalty, kindness and labor
habits in him, and later when Kazem form his own family he used the same principals to educate
his own children.
In other words, one is a reflection of one’s parent/parents. Likewise his father, Kazem,
disciplined, taught, guided and always encouraged his children to obtain an education, to be kind
to others, to be honest and loyal to their families and friends, to not give up in life and to be hard
workers and positive thinkers. And thus Firoozeh has been positively influenced by her father.
She now is passing on everything she learned from Kazem to her children. Firoozeh states
“Francois and I plan on giving our children something more valuable, the simple truth that the
best way to go through life is to be a major donor of kindness.” Kindness was one of the many
core values Kazem influence her to have. Thus Firoozeh has admiration and respect for not only
her father but for both of her parents. While some people like Firoozeh, are positively love and
influenced by their fathers. To others, although they may live with their fathers it is not always
considered such a blessing.
Various dads live with their children however, many tend to dismiss their role of father
and devalue their involvement in their children’s education. Under the argument that one must
deal with more important issues for the operation of the home, such as work or any repair. Some
forbearers are simply not ready to embark the journey of fatherhood and yet, many times due to
unexpected and unprotected circumstances; they end up being dads without truly desiring. Which
most likely could lead to fathers who neglect their children due to lack of parenting skills,
Perhaps-sometimes not having a positive paternal influence in their own lives can result in them
mistreating their own children for example, when one is verbally, physically, emotionally and/or
mentally abused can negatively impact one life resulting, as in many cases, in traumas,
behavioral abrupt, and/or emotional breakdowns; it could also lead to the usage of drugs and
alcohol. This can very well prevent one from fulfilling the demands of fatherhood, as for
example in the case of Raymond Carver.
Raymond Carver a short story writer and poet, author of his father memoir titled
“Squire” (1984) of which the excerpt titled “My Father’s Life” was taking from. In “My
Father’s Life” Carver stresses the hardships that his predecessor faced during the years of his
psychological depression. Carver also describes how his father’s alcohol addiction negatively
impacted both lives his and his father’s. “I didn’t recognize him immediately. I guess for a
moment I didn’t want to recognize him.” Carver stated, talking about his father’s poor physical
conditions of which alcohol was to account for, and he continues “I remember the shame I felt
when my third-grade teacher drove me home from school one day. I asked to stop at the house
just before ours, claiming I lived there.” Carver was a shame to have a dad who couldn’t hold a
steady job due to his addiction.
The dad’s unstable life reflected in the miserable conditions they lived, it showed even on
the exterior of their house. They often moved from state to state, city to city always after a better
life, however, their life was never improved. And as time passed the father submerged himself
even deeper into drinking alcohol, exposing young Carver to watch him drink himself to death.
Carver’s dad has such a negative influenced on him that when he reached adulthood he had to
fight his own battles with alcoholism and ended up living with the same instability as his father.
“One thing and another, we found ourselves having to move a lot.” “I found myself, like my
dad, having trouble with alcohol.” Says Carver. Therefore he grew up fighting internal battles to
not turnout like his father did an alcoholic. In the youth years is when one grapples with identity
issues, independence and responsibility, hence the need of positive father figure who can set
limits, guide them in the right path and be a positive role model. Another example to better
illustrate how a father’s negative influence can impact one’s life, is the case of Russell Leong.
Russell Leong is an editor, poetry and fiction writer and the author of biography essay
titled “Notes From A Son To His Father” in this essay Leong shares his experience as a son of
his father, the frail and distant father-son relationship they had. Albeit Leong’s father was the
proud business man who provided for his family, the father pay little or not attention to him.
Leong says “My father’s hands were always busy preparing food and papers writing. Yet, I don’t
know the real strength of my father’s arms.” He continues “I have never been lifted on his
hands.” Leong so desperately needed the love and attention of his father, yet the father’s love for
Leong was not shown in an affectionate positive way. Thereby, Leong thought of his father as a
negated and despicable person who he despite as a father. Leon’s memory of his father just
brought to mind feelings of rejection and shame. Not feeling loved; he says “as a child I
dreamed of my father.” Leong wished his father would have been a different kind of father,
perhaps a positive loving, and supportive dad, not only economically but emotionally as well.
When fathers ignore, mistreat, or they are simply bad influence to their children, it can
have devastating end results in one’s life. Being negated by one’s father has one of the most
crippling effects in the human behaviors, because it is through one’s parents that one adopts
moods, characteristics and negative messages. What is the end result? Shame, guilt, isolation,
self-destructing thoughts and the adoption of behaviors, for example if one’s parents is critical of
others the child grows up to be a criticizer, not only of others, but also of him/her-self. Thus it is
important for fathers to be positive role models to their children, be sensitive and respond to their
needs and to participate in the discipline and care of the child as well as the mother.
In families where there is no father figure, the mother must try to find a male figure to
replace this role, such as a grandfather, stepfather, an uncle, and leader of youth groups, priest, or
even an older male friend who can assume a protective role and can serve as a positive mentor
for their children. Likewise Kazem who devoted his life to instruct and educate his children, and
armed them with love rather than negativity.
In conclusion, a father’s involvement and influence in one’s life is as important as the
mother’s. Men can have much influence on their children, without sacrificing their masculinity.
And it has been proven that people that are better developed in adulthood are those who had
positive role models and interactions not only with the mother but with both parents.
Good Dad –Bad Dad
Jenny Clark
FYS-126G-S11
Prof. Chocos
May 05, 2011
Work cite
Raymond, Carver “My Father’s Life.” The Squire, 1986: 21
Leong, C. Russell “Notes From a Son to His Father.” Vision across the Americas: Short Essays
Composition, Jun 2003.