Freedom can be an awfully funny thing sometimes. When I was a free man, I didn‟t
really think about how nice it was to be able to, within material limits, do whatever I
want and say whatever I want, not to mention eat whatever I want. But when you lose
your freedom, you find yourself thinking more and more of those basic things you took
for granted. Of the times you didn‟t have a bracelet strapped to your wrist that promise to
inject deadly toxins into your veins if you take the smallest step out of line, along with
those times you could choose when to use the can, rather than doing so at carefully
scheduled intervals. You might even have a few thoughts on the merits of being able to
change your clothes, or maybe even something crazy like not having one‟s most intimate
thoughts torn from your mind. I used to take as granted that all innocent men should be
free, but I wonder now… If that were the case, liberty wouldn‟t really mean anything,
would it? Freedom wouldn‟t be an ideal anymore, but it‟d just be like your nose…
everyone would have it and that would be that.
Though, really, I‟ve nothing to complain about. Ever since Raul strapped this ultra-
fashionable bracelet of painful death to me, he‟s let me walk freely around the ship. Not
that the ship is itself much bigger than your average prison cell, but it‟s an improvement
over the room they were keeping me. Not that it‟s actually a room. Raul told me that it
was actually just a supply cabinet that they emptied out for the purpose. Still, being able
to walk and look down and have enough light to see my feet is a freedom not everyone
has. Now if only I could boil some tea…
I stumble as I walk, reaching out to the wall to save myself the humiliation of falling
flat on my face. I lean like that for a moment and my breath gags as my stomach reels.
It‟s been, if I‟ve been able to count the days properly, three months since my
interrogation ended… Since that day in which they let me go from the torture of my life,
having no further use for it... how long the interrogation lasted, I cannot say, but when
that man in white left me, I expected to see the door to swing open not a few moments
afterward… a shot should‟ve rung out and I‟d be able to feel just a bit of my misery
slipping away. Instead, I was left alone. I thought they were just giving me time to
fester… letting me come to terms with the self-centered waste that was my life after
forcing me to relive it, before ending it. But hours became days, which in turn became
weeks. They kept feeding me through a compartment that admitted no light, and in spite
of everything I just couldn‟t starve myself. So I sat, and I waited in the darkness, waiting
for death‟s call.
It‟s kind of funny, thinking about that now…I guess this bracelet has made my mind
go funny to begin with, but thinking back to the fits of terror I felt at what I assumed was
a certain death, I can‟t help but laugh at myself. If I‟d died then, I would have died
thinking of myself as a human being. Why I was afraid of such a fate, I don‟t know...
Now? Well, I could die whenever I want really. All I have to do is take a step out of line,
and the bracelet will do it for me. Then I wouldn‟t have to worry about anything… it
would just be me and God. Going to hell is really an easy choice to make… All you have
to do is give in to despair, and there you are. Still, I don‟t want to spend eternity with the
weight of my sins resting upon my shoulders, so long as it‟s my choice to make.
“Someone called me?” I ask when I finally manage to stumble into the ship‟s Launch
Bay. “I heard… on the PA.”
The woman I‟m addressing shrugs, not meeting my gaze. “Officer Walker did not
give me the details, but someone is coming aboard. Who that is I cannot honestly say,”
she replies. Her name‟s Danae Benisar, and a few months ago I was slashing my ZB
across her chest and clipping her Wings. I can‟t say my doing either of those things has
really endeared her to me, but she doesn‟t seem to actively want to kill me either, which
is something.
“Who would want something with me?” I ask. I feel a chill and I shrink back. “This
isn‟t… I‟ve already told you people everything I know… I…”
“We do not have torture facilities aboard this ship,” she answers. I‟m not sure if her
tone is bored or reassuring, the screech that goes through my ears is too loud for me to
allow me to really distinguish that sort of thing. “And I understand that this person is
coming as an individual… so, unless he thinks himself more resourceful than a dozen
men dedicated to the task, I doubt he‟s come to interrogate you.”
It takes me some time to process this. Of course I‟m not to be tortured, they don‟t
want me tortured anymore. Not after what Raul offered… But then… “So then what does
this person want?”
Danae shrugs again, offering no verbal answer. She leans back against the bulkhead,
again doing her best to not look at me. There aren‟t any mirrors on the ship, that I can
access at least, but having been in the same prisoner‟s garb they gave me after Raul had
me pulled me out of my cell ever since… well, ever since Raul pulled me out of my cell,
I imagine I don‟t look or smell like much. Danae seems clean enough, which tells me that
someone either thinks it‟s funny to have me filthy or is afraid I‟ll drown myself in the
shower, though I wonder how she manages that with all her augmentation. I suppose the
things are waterproof. Her left hand that mounted the Hand-Cannon which Laurie
chopped off in Fonatos looks normal enough, even though I know that those digits are
almost certainly mechanical, but the sides of her neck and arms boasts a circulatory
apparatus, part of which reaches to her left eye. I once asked her why she was so geared,
which was pretty courageous in retrospect, and as it turns out she was maimed by a
Shrapnel Pod and had to have that stuff grafted onto her in order to live.
Remembering that she‟s answered my questions in the past prompts me to believe
she‟ll answer others. “On Fonatos,” I say gingerly, “What happened? To Laurie and
Rodham… the two guys I was with.”
“Raul had sent a covert assault team to the Uplink whilst your team assaulted us,” she
replies, “They succeeded in their mission… whatever it was… and he abandoned the
world… abandoned it to you people. I believe Bodas‟ killer managed to stumble into our
grid and bring it down… Whether either of them survived, I do not know... although no
one in the city did.”
So Hekabo saved the day, and with severe injuries along with nothing but two
engines, his cutters and his axe, at that. He probably got a medal… he should have at
least. “I‟m… I‟m sorry,” I answer. Don‟t really know why I‟d be sorry, I‟m the one who
helped bring the place down, but it‟s hard to just stand here while someone tells me that
an entire city has been purged.
“Sorry will not bring back lives,” she replies, “And nor will anger.”
I don‟t really have an answer to that, but I‟d like to think of one. “Was Jahran your
world?” I manage, which isn‟t exactly the profound statement I was hoping to make to
match hers.
She laughs. “No. My world was burned long ago,” she straightens and turns toward
the airlock. I hear a muffled creak. “Well, I can see why he‟d want to see you… I‟m just
glad we took you and not your friend... I imagine his reaction would be somewhat…
agitated.”
She rubs her stomach as she says this and I get up onto the tips of my toes to see
through the airlock window. I hear a faint puff after the outer door closes and gasp as the
inner slides open. A single Angel steps aboard, with the white light from his visor
deflecting off the ship‟s metallic bulkheads and blinding me. I haven‟t seen something so
bright in months. The Angel walks towards me, his visor dimming as his hands go
towards his neck to lift off his helmet, revealing a dark and distinguished man with
powerful brown eyes and untamed black hair.
“Lieutenant Rodham Weingarte,” the Angel says, “At last we meet… I‟ve heard a lot
about you. Your record speaks excellently of you… Allow me to introduce myself as
former-Angel Lieutenant Draithas Quaethos. You may have heard of me.”
I can only stare at him. This is the man we‟d gone to Fonatos for… this is the man
who‟d betrayed the Angels and fuelled the Insurgency to the point where it threatens to
consume the galaxy. This man, who‟s politely extending his arm toward me in greeting,
has killed more Angels than anyone in the galaxy. He continues to hold his hand outward,
smiling at me politely.
“I understand you‟re a bit shocked,” he says when I take his hand. “They say that
Raul captured you after defeating one of my old squadmates, Laurence Rosacern. I was
pleasantly surprised to learn that Laurie was still alive… How is he taking Aerika‟s
death? Is he… recovering?”
“I don‟t really think he‟ll recover until he‟s managed to kill you,” I answer. I‟m not
sure why I‟m being so blunt with him. He may be a traitor, but… well, what does hatred
really solve? Why goad him? “You owe him a bit of a debt.”
“Perhaps,” Draithas replies. If he took any offence at my words, he does not show it.
“But any Angel is in more debt than the most compulsive of gamblers. Of course, the
main difference is that our debtors can‟t usually collect... but that, in itself, doesn‟t really
remove our debt, does it Rodham?”
His words feel like a kick in the gut, and I turn away from that icy gaze of his.
Draithas seems almost amused by this and turns away from me. “Danae, you look
lovely,” he says, taking her hand, “How‟s the replacement?”
“It functions in the same manner as the first,” she answers indifferently. “I would
prefer my original.”
“There are many things which we would all prefer,” Draithas replies, his voice
sounding contentedly distant. “But this galaxy doesn‟t deal a very fair hand… How is
Mani?”
“Asleep, I think,” Danae answers, “He was out in his MAIC doing engine
maintenance yesterday… probably could use the rest… So what‟s your story, Dray? I‟d
heard that you‟d been assigned to a mission against Santani.”
“Santani is gone,” he answers, “There were only a few Guardians there to slow me
down.” Santani is one of the Fleet Refuelling Stations in Jahran‟s sector. I really find it
hard to believe that he destroyed the thing on his own, but then again, given his
reputation... “Claris and I handled them without much trouble.”
“So then why are you here?” Danae inquires.
He glances at me again. “Well, it‟s been some time since I saw a fellow Angel,” he
replies, though upon seeing that Danae did not find this answer satisfying, he adds: “But
Raul and I also have a few things to discuss… Oh, and I came to see you, of course.”
“Would you like me to get Raul?”
Draithas shakes his head. “He knows I‟m here, he‟ll come for me when he wants me.
Let me get out of this slime and have a cup of coffee.” He stepped past me with his
helmet under his arm, going towards the Preparations Room. He glances back before
entering. “I would be happy if you would join us, Rodham. There‟s much to speak of.”
I‟m not sure how happy I‟d be to do the same, though something tells me this isn‟t
one of those offers that one can safely refuse. Besides, he did make an offering of
caffeine… That‟s something, at least, even if it‟s just Jahran Black. Making that terrible
screech in my head go away would be worth dining with someone who is, or should be at
least, my enemy. Though, really, it‟s hard to have enemies when a bracelet with enough
toxin inside to kill two of you is bound to your wrist. And, even barring that, it‟s hard to
have enemies when you have nothing left to defend.
I stand in silence with Danae. The loud metal clank of the Prep Room‟s door closing
reverberates in my mind, forcing my eyes closed. I‟ve been doing my best not to think of
the Dream Torture… I saw my darkest memories forced out over and over… I don‟t
think I want to see them again. But that sound brings up the image of the airlock shutting
on the transport I fled my world on… my youngest brother left behind, my mother
already dead… my two other brothers would starve to death in that packed steel… I‟d
kept them fed for the first week, but then we were separated…
“Is it so shocking?” Danae says suddenly. I come back to reality, wondering what
she‟s talking about. “Can it be so hard to believe that one of your own would choose our
side over yours? You Angels actually believe that, for all its faults, OMNI operates for
the good of all, while we that fight against it are simply evil?”
“That‟s not true,” I answer. “I don‟t believe that.” That‟s a funny thing for me not to
believe, considering that these are the people that forced every memory out of my mind
to achieve their ends. But somewhere along the way, I have come to believe that.
“Oh?” Danae retorts, “Then what do you believe?”
A month ago, I might have been able to answer that properly. “I don‟t think… I think
you people are… extreme… You have legitimate grievances but you‟re going about
addressing them in the wrong way… OMNI… OMNI can be heavy-handed and cruel,
but…”
“But we‟re still supposed to bow to them and let them expropriate our wealth and our
lives,” Danae finishes for me. That‟s not exactly how I thought would end the sentence,
but, before I can object, she continues: “If it is only our methods you find so
objectionable, then what is it you would have us do? Hand over our weapons and pray?”
“You… That‟s not what I mean,” my head throbs, and I feel a dispersed ache. It‟s as
though my entire body just doesn‟t want to think about this. I guess I don‟t want to admit
that she‟s right. “It‟s not that alternatives don‟t exist...” I shake my head to try to clear my
thoughts. “And as for Draithas… he‟s a traitor… I don‟t think he‟s evil for being it, but
that‟s what he is.”
“And if it isn‟t evil, then what shame should he have?” she retorts, “You people have
no idea what it‟s like to live as we live. You‟re only concerned with maintaining your
own false ideals… and yet, when one of you sees through the façade, it shocks you. How
pathetic.”
Draithas re-enters the room before I can answer. I‟m not sure if he was listening or
not, but if he was he makes a good job of hiding it. Having shed his PECA, he‟s now
smoothed out his hair a bit and garbed himself within a black and white sweater pulled
atop the same grey uniform that all the Insurgents seem to wear. I guess someone high up
in their ranks likes the colour grey. He‟s slung his Zanith Blade along his back “Sorry to
be so long. So Danae, what can we do about that coffee?”
The ship isn‟t very large, so it takes less than a minute for us to reach what I guess
you could call the mess hall, though it‟s really just a kitchen walled with cabinets.
Draithas steps in and begins opening cupboards as Danae boils water. I don‟t see a way I
can really pitch in, so I simply sit down at the circular four person table, propping up my
head with my arms, watching them. I used to know another woman with implants… Not
anything like Danae‟s, mind you. She was born blind, and so her eyes were replaced by
these weird looking metallic green pieces… you could never tell if she was sincere or not
when she looked at you, it was the most cold and blank of stares… and believe me,
Dream Torture made me see that more than once…
“Coffee or tea, Rodham?” Danae asks me, sounding polite enough.
“Tea,” I say immediately. Up until now, I had no idea that the ship had any such
drinks to begin with. I guess my status as the man-who-only-has-to-make-one-wrong-
move-and-he‟s-dead doesn‟t really give me access to that kind of knowledge, but
Draithas is sticking his head out for me. “Please,” I add when I realize the extent of my
luck.
“Earl grey, blackcurrant or oolong?”
These words come to my ears like music, except sweeter. “Earl grey, hot, thank you.”
Danae makes a scoffing sound at this and Draithas takes a seat left from me as our
respective cups brew. I watch him for a moment, my eyes trying to find some way to
probe his thoughts. Draithas has done so many terrible things, but he can still live… still
talk, laugh and smile. How can you ever allow yourself to feel joy when you‟ve lived
such a life? Though who am I kidding… I‟ve killed just as many people as he has and I
can still live. Even after having my thoughts ripped from my mind, I can still bring
myself to breathe. But well… I‟ve never made a choice quite like the one that Draithas
made. Could I ever kill Laurie or Hekabo? Telanna or Clem? People who have been my
own for so long? No. No, there‟s no way I could.
“So Draithas,” I hear myself say, “Why did you? Why did you betray OMNI?”
Draithas turned his gaze away from Danae. He sets down his coffee and sighs. “From
what Raul‟s told me, I think you already know… I barely knew what the Insurgency was
before I left OMNI… I didn‟t know the name of a single man or woman who could help
me. But I had to get out, Rodham. I don‟t know what kind of universe we‟re heading
towards, but I do know that OMNI doesn‟t belong in it.”
“What made you?” I press, “What made you decide that? Did you just wake up one
day and think: „You know what? OMNI needs to be completely annihilated‟ and go get
your PECA?”
“No,” Draithas replies mirthlessly, “It was more gradual, as you can imagine… When
I reached the Uplink, I went to Jahran… It seemed far and remote, and I knew that the
Insurgency was there. So that‟s where I went… When I got there, I met Danae, who
introduced me to Raul. So I guess the fact that I‟m here is really a matter of blind luck
than it was anything else…” he looked up at me, seeing that I didn‟t care for his evasions.
“I can‟t tell you the exact moment I decided to turn… In some ways, I did the moment I
joined the Angels… I just knew that I could no longer fight for what is, when you get
passed the words and the idealistic chatterings, simple greed and exploitation… Why
should I be loyal to that? What ideal makes that worth fighting for?”
“But you killed so many people,” I point out softly, “And so many Angels…”
“Is an Angel more than just a person?” Danae interjects, sounding annoyed.
“No,” I answer quickly, “But… well… he was an Angel too…”
“I was a killer before and after I left OMNI,” Draithas declares. He draws himself up
before continuing, “It‟s just that now I kill people that OMNI likes, rather than simply
those that OMNI considers to be a nuisance. It might be different blood, but it‟s the same
outcome. And at least now I can live with myself.”
“You can live with having killed your friends?” I ask quietly.
“I didn‟t want to kill any of them. Fracos, Aerika, Jenk… hell, I didn‟t even want to
kill that asshole Edwin. But yes, I think I can live with that. Anyone can be a friend,
Rodham. Is there such a difference between killing someone close to you and killing a
stranger?”
“I think there is,” Danae cuts in again, “If you know someone, it‟s much harder to…”
“Don‟t give me that crap, Danae,” Draithas retorts, “You know it isn‟t true.”
“Are you saying that you killed those Angels without the slightest hesitation?” I
inquire, watching him drain the last of his coffee.
A muscle in his face twitches. “No,” he answers after considering the matter. He
sighs. “But they‟re still dead, aren‟t they? So if I hesitated, it obviously wasn‟t for long
enough, or else I wouldn‟t be sitting here at this table… Fracos… he‟s the one who
hesitated when he went against me. That‟s why he‟s dead... He was holding back and
hoping I‟d do the same…”
His voice trails off and silence falls over all of us. Draithas is starring at the table, his
jaw quivering slightly. He raises his cup to his lips again, not noticing that it was empty
until after he touched it to his lips and tilted it back. He set it down, shaking his head at
some stray thought. I can‟t say that this is what I expected from the most infamous
apostate in OMNI‟s history. When with OMNI, I had always imagined Draithas as a
misguided idealistic, though mentally twisted, revolutionary whose mutiny had been
propelled by a combination of principle and stubbornness. But this man, for all that he
might try, is not really any of those things.
“I didn‟t mean any of it as an accusation,” I tell him, “I was just wondering how you
could make the decision…”
“Do you honestly want to go back to the Angels now, Rodham?” Draithas counters,
“Can you really just put your Wings back on and fly on?”
I can‟t answer that, and my gaze falls downward into my cup. Going back to the
Angels after these months… I don‟t know if I can. For all my loyalty, there‟s just nothing
there for me anymore. I agreed to join in the first place because it was all I knew and
there was nothing else. But now? After seeing myself Well, I don‟t know if I know much
more… I‟ve tried my damn best to learn and understand. But even though these people
have tortured me beyond sanity, I just can‟t hate them. I‟d be doing OMNI a huge favour
by lunging for a kitchen knife and stabbing Draithas right here. I‟d die, but I‟d die for my
duty. It would be so easy… no matter if I succeed or fail, I still get to get off this ship…
I‟d give my life some certainty…
“Well, I don‟t want to kill anyone,” Draithas says, breaking the silence which had
fallen over the room again, “Nor have I ever really wanted to… But what‟s the point of
living beneath OMNI‟s deceit? That‟s what people are doing today… the whole damn
galaxy operates under a damn lie,” he sighs, “Aerika... you know who that is, right?” I
nod. “Yeah, I guess Laurie told you all about her… She used to talk about alternatives...
and about how OMNI was the only true answer.”
“You have an alternative?” I ask.
“I don‟t. But just because something is unknown doesn‟t make it horrible,” he shakes
his head, “They were so damn stubborn… Damn that Fracos… If he didn‟t want to fight
me, he should‟ve stepped aside… You know, he had a fiancée. She was your
Commander.”
“Telanna,” I say nodding, “Yes, she was. She never really talked about Fracos… Not
to me at least. She wasn‟t really the type to invest herself in her subordinates. I don‟t
think she was like Laurie, but... well, I guess she‟s probably dead now. Raul killed her.”
“No, he didn‟t,” Draithas replies shortly, “Raul… no, Raul didn‟t kill her. I asked him
about that after the whole affair was over.” He straightens in his chair to look at me. “But
none of this is really important… In the end it really doesn‟t matter why I betrayed
OMNI and left the Angels… That fact of the matter is that I have.”
“Yeah,” I agree, not entirely knowing why, “You made a decision and you‟ve stuck
to it, at what seems to have been a great cost… I give you credit for that much at least. I
don‟t hold it against you for finding something you believe in… I just still have some
biases. I‟m in a sorry state… I can‟t wait to get out of this ship.”
“So,” he says, “Have you considered Raul‟s offer?”
“Oh, so is that why he‟s here?” Danae cuts in before I can answer. “I was wondering
why we hadn‟t just killed him. Raul wants to get us another Angel? Why in the galaxy
does he think that he‟ll join us after we put him through Dream Torture? If we ever hand
him a weapon, he‟ll turn on us in the blink of an eye.”
“That‟s really something Rodham has to decide,” Draithas answers, “It‟s his
loyalty… his choice. We can allow him to make it, can‟t we?”
“It‟s risky and could put the entire movement in danger,” she answers flatly. “With
the technology you brought us, we don‟t need more Angels. He should just be killed or
imprisoned.”
I don‟t really think I agree with Danae‟s assessment, but I can‟t really think of a
reason why that isn‟t born out of self-interest. So I let them continue talk over me, staring
into my cup reflectively, which neither of them showed a particular objection to.
“You may have said the same of myself,” Draithas answers her coolly, “And have I
harmed the resistance?”
“You brought proof of your sincerity… He, however, has every reason to hate us.”
The offer Draithas spoke of is the reason I‟m on this ship… After weeks in darkness,
they dragged me out of my cell, let me bathe and gave me new clothes. For a very brief
moment, I thought they were going to let me go, but then they strapped the doom bracelet
to my wrist. I was taken through the Uplink and somehow ended up on this ship before
Raul. I was only in there for my one meeting with him, but Raul‟s room is bigger than
any of the others, with a large window behind his desk looking out to the stars. He
offered me a chair and wine, though I took only the first.
“You underestimate the power of an Angel.”
“Not all Angels are you! You had to kill four just to join us! What power is that?”
I don‟t know who Raul is. His eyes are a penetrating sort of green and he looked calm
and collected, maybe even concerned, as he spoke to me. Every now and then, an
unexplainable smile would touch his face, but it wouldn‟t last long. Garbed in a grey
overcoat, wearing thin white gloves and crowned with a head of platinum-coloured hair, I
don‟t think I‟ve ever seen anyone look so mysterious.
He talked to me about my career… the battles I‟d participated, along with my
distinctions and reprimands. I‟m not sure if the information came from my service record
or from my own memories. I don‟t think it really matters. He had the details of the day
I‟d misfired my Shoulder-Cannons, bringing down a civilian shuttlecraft… he knew of
the time I‟d flown against a fleet of Insurgent Battle Barges and destroyed their
flagship… But my life, having been forced to relive it, was something I was familiar
with. Raul, however, had more. He handed me the report penned by Fleet Admiral Jakin
Benison detailing the executions of the people of Fonatos. He showed me pictures of
Harotarian children whose limbs had been severed during one of the firefights I was
involved with. He watched as I thumbed through the medical records of the insurgents…
the victims, rather, of Operation Liberating Spirit. And he had more. Photographs of the
horrendous humiliation of the Battle Bargemen I‟d taken prisoner… a report on the
disinterment of a mass grave on Metez… the transcript of an inquiry over the supposed
loss of civilian life on Metez… Another report from Fleet Admiral Benison…
“Killing him would achieve what? There is much to gain here!”
“And how much do we stand to lose? Does having a few more guns outweigh the
integrity of our entire movement?”
“He is not a man who would simply stab us in the back and run back to OMNI!
You‟ve been on the same ship as him for a month now, surely you can admit that.”
I don‟t know for how long Raul plucked my guilt-strings, but the ordeal seemed to
last a while. My memories freshly stripped and my body weak, I caved beneath his
onslaught, weeping openly at the images of blood, so much blood. I remember at the end
of it he told me that I knew my actions, and now I knew their consequences, or something
along those lines.
“I will not deny that he seems to be a kind man, but kindness alone carries no
guarantees of our safety. Think of what he could do and what he has done!”
“I have done things much worse things. But I‟m trying to find a way to make up for
it.”
When Raul set aside his repository of the men and women I‟ve massacred, he offered
me wine again. I guess it‟s a tribute to how firm I was nine years ago in giving the stuff
up that I refused and asked for water. I can still remember how dry my throat was. Raul
let me pull together, content to simply watch as I recover myself. It took me a while to do
so, and I hate myself for that fact. Being dominated by emotion like that… I finally
managed to ask what he wanted from me. I tried to sound dignified as I did so, though
I‟m not sure if I succeeded. That‟s when he made his offer, which was to join for me to
join the Great Insurgency and take the opportunity to fight against my sins. To leave
OMNI and help lead the Insurgency, and the galaxy, down a better path.
“And you have, and we appreciate that… but just because you have, does not mean
that he will.”
I rejected the offer in no uncertain terms. I think back to find my reasons, and really
draw a blank. OMNI had taken me in, and the Angels were the only home I had after my
world was burned… to even think of turning on my own and leaving behind everything
I‟ve fought for. I guess the very suggestion triggered a knee-jerk reaction in me… I told
Raul that though OMNI‟s actions were deplorable, they went toward an ultimate greater
good for all peoples, a greater good which brings prosperity, freedom and happiness.
Even now, when I don‟t see the limbless corpse of a newborn child in the corner of my
eye, those words still sound so hollow.
I remember Raul‟s answer… his voice is clear in my mind… „These people,‟ he‟d
said, gesturing towards my pile of sin, „What would you have told them of OMNI‟s
ideals?‟ he paused then, looking at me evenly, though sadly, „Did you try to? … No,
Rodham… Those with power will seek to retain and enhance it at the expense of others,
and then those others feed their anger and jealousy and inevitably seek to supplant those
who crush them. This is how humanity has functioned, Rodham… Do you have no desire
to change that?‟
I didn‟t have an answer for him. I wanted to flee from the room, lunge at him or do
anything that would rid me of him, but this bracelet was and is my chain. I fear death.
Raul went on, giving more detail on what he wanted me to do and why, but I couldn‟t
listen. I didn‟t want to listen and, thinking of it now, I shrink back from the memory. He
gave me a room on the ship and told me to think about it. That was a good month ago.
I‟ve thought, but thinking has gotten me nowhere. I‟m not even sure what it is I‟m trying
to decide anymore. Even though Raul said I could go about the ship at will, I‟ve stayed in
my quarters, alone, watching the ceiling or in fitful dreamless sleep. I don‟t think I know
anything anymore.
“Raul gave me the choice,” I say softly, “I would rather have it your way, Danae…
I‟d rather you all killed me… but instead he gave me the choice.”
Sometimes I wonder if hell would be preferable. Sitting in hell, you know what was
good and what was evil… you know who was misled and who was guided… the sheer
reality of being judged and sentenced gives an unparalleled sort of enlightenment. There
are no questions to be asked in hell. With freewill gone, all you have left is knowledge…
but what good is knowledge by then?
“Raul plays far too many games,” Danae answers slowly, her eyes examining me,
“With human lives… human minds… far too many games.”
“He hasn‟t gotten all of us this far without wisdom, Danae,” Draithas replies, “People
in our position have to see good where few would see it… that‟s the only way we‟ll win.”
“Good? Driving a man to this state is good?” Danae retorts, “And what good does he
see? If he actually trusted this man, he would give him his weapons and ask him to join
or leave peacefully. This is simple manipulation.”
Draithas does not answer. Insurgent and Traitor both look towards me. I rise from my
chair. “Take me… send for Raul. I need to talk to him… I‟ve made my choice. Just
please… please, let‟s do this quickly.”