A client’s journey & reflection...Thank you for sharing your deepest journey.....
I am scared, I am shocked, I am embarrassed. How could I have consumed myself with such intensity of an
object? I have been hiding,
Do I really have the power-really! Then why such unhealthy attachment-I know, I know, I wanted to
know better-Has this been the pinnacle-The truth and dare point of no return? How much can one doubt
their own strength & abilities? It is clear to me like never before- I have been waiting for the point of
difference-For that miracle awakening that always seems to elude me-
Am I not the one with the desperate need-I am terrified-somewhere sometime this is what I felt-yet I’m not
terrified. It was like an explosion in my head-a hurried rush throughout my body-I felt like someone hitting
me on the head with a hammer. You’re surroundings, people around you-they provide a reflection, a
message, a projection. I thought I understood-but I didn’t. These reflections these messages they have a
different meaning How can I explain-there is no simple way of making sense of anything-it’s not That it’s
difficult-but rather one-no-I seem to look for a complex answer.
Beautiful pages washed in fear and consumption-had it not been for these pages-I wouldn’t see now
The hurt inside is mine, and mine alone.
The good thing is that it is my hurt.
That is not necessarily a bad companion-
But rather a blessing-
You know you are alive.
You know you are living
You know you do exist.
It makes you aware of an imbalance within you-It is (something) a feeling you give to yourself-
It happens when you neglect yourself. How long have I been avoiding the pain and the hurt?
Yesterday I felt pain-extreme Pain-and extreme hurt! Early this morning before sunrise, before the
greetings of the early to rise kookaburra’s. The pain and hurt awoke me-summoned me .There sitting in the
darkness, looking out the window into the sun, yet dark sky- I embraced the pain and hurt.
Tears rolled down my cheeks. I discovered that pain and hurt-don’t have to hurt, they don’t have to be
avoided; they are not at all bad, -how can I express-the pain and hurt-how long have I been carrying
these companions-how long have I been ignoring them- Why did I always have this belief that pain and
hurt were no good -hurt and pain were bad news?-yet my body has been rewarded with an Embrace of
release-I do see-I do understand.
A moment of loving myself-a moment has turned into a lifetime....
These pages would have been completed with more of the same. How many times, amazes me, how many
times must one go around in circles? More of the same, over and over-Understand-I have learned that all
straight lines Are part of a curve-
The beauty comes when you learn to direct your own line and create your individual curves-creating a
masterpiece.
From Lillie’s journal